


superwoman sometimes needs a superman's soul

by Snowflake0913



Series: Norman + Jessie [2]
Category: Andrew Lincoln - Fandom, Flandus - Fandom, Leedus - Fandom, Norman Reedus - Fandom, Sean Patrick Flanery - Fandom
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Cheating, Dancer, Death, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Flashbacks, Independence, Marriage, Multi, Newborn Children, Oral Sex, Other, Relationship(s), Rough Sex, Sex, Threesome, Tragedy, Violence, walking dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2018-12-25 07:31:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 197,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12031134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowflake0913/pseuds/Snowflake0913
Summary: Jessie never thought they’d come this far. Still there she was; married and having a newborn baby girl with Norman. She, who never wanted to need someone suddenly finds herself in a whole new situation and has to find a way to handle it. But being married to one of the most popular man in the US isn’t always as easy as it looks and sometimes even a superwoman like Jessie needs a superman in her life to make it through. Question is if he’ll able to be there when she needs him the most and will she let him?





	1. Reminiscing

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to “I Love the way you lie” but you really don’t have to read the first one to be able to follow this storyline.
> 
> [ **I Love The Way You Lie**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7658461) (194425 words) by [**Snowflake0913**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowflake0913)  
>  Chapters: 36/36  
> Fandom: [Norman Reedus - Fandom](http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Norman%20Reedus%20-%20Fandom), [Sean Patrick Flanery - Fandom](http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Sean%20Patrick%20Flanery%20-%20Fandom), [The Walking Dead (TV)](http://archiveofourown.org/tags/The%20Walking%20Dead%20\(TV\))  
> Rating: Explicit  
> Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings  
> Relationships: Norman Reedus/Original Female Character, Andrew Lincoln/Norman Reedus, Sean Patrick Flanery/Norman Reedus  
> Characters: Norman Reedus, Jessie Hamilton, Andrew Lincoln, Sean Patrick Flanery, Mingus Reedus  
> Additional Tags: Threesome - F/M/M, Gangbang, Violence, Love/Hate, Death, Tragedy, Rough Sex, Explicit Sexual Content  
> Summary:
> 
> From the first time he laid his eyes on her, he could never look away. He was always hers but how hard he fought, it would take him a decade to make her his. He had always said that damaged people seemed to gravitate towards damanged people and Jessie was one of the most fucked up girls to ever cross his path. He just happened to fall in love with her and he never could leave her after that, even though how many times he tried or how many times she kicked him out, they always got back together.
> 
> Please leave comments and feedback :)

Andy landed at JFK early in the morning and caught the first cab he could find. He should be exhausted since he hadn’t been able to sleep on the plane but he was too excited about meeting the newest addition to his extended family. The baby girl was just 4 days old but only seeing her over the phone wasn’t enough.

Jessie greeted him at the front door when he knocked once and waited a few seconds. His best friend had warned him not to ring the bell as the possibility of his wife and newborn being asleep was pretty likely. Jessie didn’t seem to need the sleep at all though when she beamed at him, looking as good as she always did.

“Andy, hi.”

“Hey, baby girl. How are you doing?”

He wrapped his arms around her and embraced her in a long, hard hug and kissed the side of her head.

“Really good. How was your flight?”

“Good, thanks. You look really good, Jess. Just a lot smaller than the last time I saw you.”

He gestured to the now missing bump and she gave a small giggle as she showed the man inside the apartment.

“Yeah, I guess so… They’re asleep at the moment. Do you want breakfast? I was just about to make some for myself.”

“I ate on the plane, but airplane food really sucks so yes, please. Can I just go peak first though?”

Jessie smiled at the Englishman’s impatience at seeing their daughter and she quickly directed him towards their bedroom. Andy carefully opened the door just enough to lay his eyes on the sleeping man in bed. The tinny newborn was sleeping on his chest and Andy stood watching them for what was probably minutes and he even felt himself tear up.

“Ok…”

Jessie wasn’t prepared for Andy’s attack and almost dropped the cup in her hand to the ground when the man wrapped his arms around her once more and hugged her tightly.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

She asked, confused and continued to lay the table when Andy finally let her go.

“She’s beautiful. Thank you for giving him a daughter.”

“I think it’s actually the male that carries the gender gen.”

She said and gestured to the breakfast ready table and they both sat down and started to eat. Andy questioned her about the birth process, although she had already told him over the phone. Apparently, it wasn’t the same though Andy informed her about and it turned out she had even forgotten a few things once she got started telling him how their daughter was born.

“I know she’s only 4 days and all but how are things going?”

“A lot better than expected. I think we’re both a little high still though. And she mostly just sleeps or eats.”

“Just like her daddy then.”

“Yeah.”

“How are you doing, Jessie? Really? Are you ok with this?”

“Yes. I was really worried how I would react to this but I’m really ok. It helped to go talk to someone when we got here.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, Norman forced me to.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, it was actually. I didn’t really like the idea at first but when I finally met with the therapist, he helped a lot with the preparations together with our midwife.”

“How is he doing?”

“Fucking awesome. He barely lets her out of his sight. I mean there’s not going to be a kid in the world better looked after and more loved than our daughter.”

“You already knew that, J even before she was born.”

“Yeah but to actually see it now it’s… Overwhelming. I wasn’t prepared for what we would feel about her. I’ve been so focused on all the bad things that could happen, I never once stopped to think about all the good things that could come out of this.”

“It’s a good thing, Jessie. She’s a good thing. She’s the best thing to ever happen to him, sharing the top spot with Mingus and you of course.”

“Wow, Andy are you actually glad I’m his life? You haven’t always been.”

Andy rolled his eyes at the celling before leaning back in his chair with his cup of coffee.

“Yeah, I’m glad you’re in his life. Above all, I’m glad you found it in you to change for him cause you were a pain in the ass, Jessie.”

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t give you that good of a impression the first couple of years, did I?”

“What? Are we gonna sit here reminiscing?”

“Yeah, why not? They’re going to be asleep for at least another hour… Honestly though, what’s the worst memory you have of me?”

“Filming season 4 in 2013, no competition whatsoever, babe. I know the year after was worse for you guys with everything with Cecilia and all but 2013… It was 7 months of hell. I mean did you even make it through one whole week that year where you just-I don’t know? Actually loved each other?”

“That’s fucking mean, Andy! Of course we did.”

“Really? When?”

He challenged her and she chocked on her next words a little. She scowled but took a second longer and tried to find an answer to the man. He waited for her, tilted his head to the side and smiled.

“Shut up…!”

“See-“

“When I got back after 9/11!”

She quickly interrupted him when one of the better memories flooded her mind.

“Hallo? Remember Jose?”

She slumped in her seat and glared once more as he reminded her of what was one of her bigger mistakes. Andy laughed and leaned forward and placed a comforting hand on her knee. She muttered something he couldn’t hear.

“But it was still a pretty good period.”

“Come on! Honestly?”

“Yeah! Honestly, it was a good few weeks. It’s always a good period after something like that, cause I usually try a little harder to make him forgive me.”

“Do you have any idea how sick this sounds? You cheated on him and to make him forgive you, you, what? Gave him more sex?”

“No…! Well, yeah but… You know, more of that other stuff too.”

Andy blinked at her in confusion, not grasping what she was trying to say at all. She sighed and leaned forward to grab a piece of bacon.

“You know, relationship stuff. He always wanted more than me so when I knew I had pissed him off I would try to give him that.”

“I didn’t know you had a romantic side in you, J.”

“Come on! You were fucking there when I proposed to him. That was one of the most romantic thing to ever happen in the history of mankind! You couldn’t stop crying.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was kinda romantic, I’ll give you that. But what did that include back then? When you weren’t over your head in love with him and slept with everyone else?”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

She said, her eyes narrowing into angry slits. Andy simply laughed and reached out and patted her knee.

“And yet you love me.”

“Fucking Englishman…”

She muttered to herself before leaning back as well in her chair and sipped on her tea. Breast feeding had changed her drinking habits as much as the actual pregnancy had and she saw Andy eyeing her cup for a second but seemed to decided not to ask. Instead he took another bit of eggs and tried get the image of her naked body fucking another guy out of his mind.

“Remember Marcus?” 

 “Wow, do you really have to reminisce that much?”

She protested.

_October 2013 – Senoia, Georgia_

_Norman woke up to the perfect combination of coffee and bacon. He groaned and rolled over to his front and tried to find the will to get out of bed. Breakfast was extremely welcome as he had been too tired to eat when he got back from filming past midnight. Right on que he heard his stomach rumble and he rolled over once more in an effort to leave the bed._

_“No, go back to bed.”_

_He looked around and felt himself gape at the woman standing in the doorway. Jessie was dressed in a onesie, carrying an overflowing breakfast tray in her hands. Speechless he watched as she walked across the floor and placed the tray beside him before continuing to the big window and opened up the blinds. The sun was absent this morning and the black clouds was most likely to realize more than enough rain during the day._

_This was not like her. She never did stuff like this. Ever. Maybe for his birthday but never spontaneous like she had now. He didn’t have to have his full brain function working to know why she was doing this. It had been 10 days since he caught her going way past second base with one of the other actors on the show. It had ended with a lot of harsh words and furious acts from his path. He really was a nonviolent guy towards everyone but her and the guys who had been stupid enough to think they could claim her._

_This was what always happened though after he caught her trying to fuck someone else but him and she knew she had actually fucked up this time. Usually she couldn’t care less if he thought she cheated on him but with Jose she knew she had to make a means. There of breakfast in bed._

_“It’s breakfast, not a new bike.”_

_He blinked quickly and noticed that she was sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed and already had a plate of pancakes and bacon in her lap._

_“Sorry, I just… I’m not use to this I guess, sorry… Thanks. I’m starving.”_

_“Yeah, your stomach woke me up in the middle of the night. You really should’ve eaten when you got back last night.”_

_He pushed himself up into a sitting position against the headboard and reached out for his own plate of food._

_“I know but I had no energy left whatsoever. I was lucky enough not to fall asleep on the way home.”_

_He said, devouring the eggs as he spoke._

_“You could’ve woken me up, I would’ve made you something.”_

_“I know but I didn’t want to. You were sound asleep when I got back. How long have I been asleep anyway? It feels like days. It’s still Saturday right? I don’t have to go to work today?”_

_She chuckled lightly at him and shook her head._

_“No, it’s still Saturday and you don’t have to be back on set until Wednesday. And you’ve been sleeping for 12 hours straight. It’s after 1.”_

_“I could use another 12 hours.”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“What did you do last night?”_

_“Plotting how to murder your fucking cat.”_

_It was his turn to chuckle lightly._

_“What did he do this time?”_

_“He ate half my fucking dinner. I made roasted chicken last night and went to answer a phone call for 2 damn minutes and when I got back the damn cat was chewing away.”_

_“You should know better than to leave food out, babe.”_

_“He was no way near, I thought he was asleep upstairs. How did it go last night?”_

_“Great, really great but it was fucking exhausting and I missed you. I want you to come next time, it will be a lot easier.”_

_“Why? What’re you doing?”_

_“Running. A lot of running. If you were running with me it would make it a whole lot easier. I know these past weeks haven’t been easy and I get why you’re not on set but… I’d miss you out there, it’s not the same without you.”_

_She dropped her gaze to her plate, feeling a vast range of emotions going through her all of a sudden. She felt the bed move a little and he gently cupped her chin before kissing her lips lightly when she looked up._

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too… I’ll be there Wednesday if you want me to.”_

_She promised and looked up at him. He smiled and nodded a thankful nod at her before resuming his position and tugged into a bagel. She watched him while he got occupied with his phone while eating. In the past years that she had known him, she never could make sense of all the things she felt for him. Right now it was simply gratitude and love but there was always that feeling that it would never last. It never did. Some other feeling always sneaked in when she least expected it. Hate was a strong word but sometimes she hated him. Or rather, she hated that she loved him and needed him so much. She had never wanted to need someone but as she sat there and watched him, she felt calm and at home._

_His hair was getting crazy long and it fell around his face as he bowed his head to the phone in his hand. She spotted several new bruises on his upper arms and a fine cut under his right ribcage._

_She moved their finished breakfast aside and moved into his lap with a gentle hand on his new injury. He got startled by her sudden movement and dropped the phone as he gasped._

_“What did you do this time?”_

_She asked, as she bent and kissed the cut. He only managed to moan his response as her finger nails began to trace the side of his body._

_\-----------------------------------_

_She was used to the whispers behind her back and pointing but it was worse than before this time round. She knew why of course but it had never bothered her before and wasn’t about to start care now. She simply jumped off her bike as they parked and followed him to make-up and wardrobe before continue to today’s set._

_“Hey…”_

_Andy carefully approached Jessie from behind where she sat on the ground and tied her running shoes. He approached with cautions as he wasn’t sure what she would be like today and he was still a bit pissed at her but Norman had asked him to try to talk to her so there he was. She turned her head and looked at him over her shoulder._

_“Hi.”_

_She simply said and refocused on her lazes._

_“Are you going somewhere?”_

_“We’re heading out to shoot the running scene. Norman asked me to run with him, thinking it will be easier to get through.”_

_He felt his jaw drop a little but thankfully she had turned away from him and missed his confused reaction to her words. She had a freaky ability of always knowing though and he heard her sigh._

_“Fuck you, Andy…”_

_She said quietly but it wasn’t in hostile way, more in an amused way._

_“What? I didn’t…! Make sure you outrun him.”_

_She finished tying her shoes and stood, turning to him and grinned._

_“I always do.”_

_“How…How are you, Jess?”_

_She halted in her step as she made to walk away from him when the hesitant question came from the Britt. She turned around and looked at him with raised eyebrows._

_“What?”_

_“I just… I know it hasn’t been an easy month and people haven’t-I haven’t… I realize I might have been a bit hard on you. So… I just…How are you, Jessie?”_

_She blinked at him for a second before scoffing quietly._

_“Still kicking, Andy. Don’t worry about me.”_

_She saw the protest coming before he could actually form the words and she foretold him before she had to listen to one of his lame excuses where he would tell her that he’d cared about her but didn’t like how she treated his brother._

_“Look, Andy I know you talk behind my back just as much as everyone else and I also know I don’t give a shit about what you or everyone else says. We’ve already gone through what happened with Jose, do you really want to do it again?”_

_“How can you be so fucking cold? How does it not bother you that people talk behind your back?”_

_“I’m used to it.”_

_“And you don’t want to change it? I mean, you could just stop fucking everyone who comes within 10 feet of you and try to make things work with Norman.”_

_He didn’t sound angry but rather as he was actually offering her, what he seemed to think would be a realistic solution to their problem. But that was just it. She didn’t see it as such a big problem as everyone else did. And she knew Norman agreed with her to some degree as well. He had issues with it of course but not as much as everyone around them seem to have, when it came to the fact that they fought extremely violent sometimes and broke up more times a year than they had fingers on their hands to count the times with._

_“I really don’t have time for this conversation right now, Andy.”_

_She said at the same time as she heard someone call her name from one of the cars that would take them out to location. She squinted towards the jeep and saw Norman wave at her from inside the car and she ran off before Andy could get another word out._

_\-----------------------------------------_

_Andy had learned the signs after spending 3,5 years with Jessie and everytime he got the same clinching feeling deep inside his stomach that things were about to go south. And fast. It usually did when it came to the two of them. Jessie never really sought the attention of new actors coming on the show. Mostly because she never had to because they somehow always found her anyway but it always started the same. He was on set to support Norman with his scenes with the new group that was called the claimers._

_And the first looks were shared between her and one of the claimers. He was sitting behind the camera and she was not far away from him when she saw them gaze at each other for the first time. He could never explain how he knew, he just always got this uneasy feeling inside when she looked at the guy and he looked straight back. If he remembered correctly his name was Marcus. The first look was quickly followed by the first conversation during lunchbreak. Norman was off talking to the director and Andy spotted Jessie sitting alone and headed over to join her. He didn’t get there fast enough though and the space he had intended to occupy was taken by the new actor._

_“Can I join you?”_

_She looked up from her phone and came face to face with the dark-haired man she had spotted earlier that day. She gestured towards the seat across from her._

_“Go ahead.”_

_“Thanks. I’m Marcus.”_

_“Jessie.”_

_“Nice to meet you, Jessie.”_

_Andy watched their conversation from a distant at first but decided to try to interfere before Jessie had the chance to take things further. He knew she would get pissed but he didn’t care. He hated what she did to his best friend too much to think about the consequences. So without asking he sat down next to her with his food, making both of them turn to look at him._

_“Hi. You don’t mind if I join you, do you?”_

_Jessies snarling ‘yes’ got drowned by Marcus surprised splutter of ‘no of course not’ rather quickly. He had already introduced himself to the newcomer a few days before and felt no need to do it again and therefor turned to Jessie._

_“Did Norman talk to you about dinner this Sunday?”_

_He tried his hardest not to let the fear he felt inside show as he spoke to her. She would know what he was up to the second Norman’s name came up. Her eyes turned into angry slits by his question as he knew they would but he kept looking back at her with a determent calm._

_“No-“_

_She hissed and probably wanted to ask him to go fuck himself after that but he interrupted quickly._

_“Well, Gale and I wanted to invite you guys over for dinner Sunday night. Just the two of us, a double date kind of thing. It’s been a few weeks since the last time and we figured you guys could use some quality time together.”_

_He was pretty proud of himself for coming up with this rather simple way of getting rid of the competition. He watched the man on the side of the table as he realized that she was taken. His face changed from confusion to comprehension in seconds and he started to move a little, as though he wanted to leave._

_“And you need a break from that house and cooking every night, right? It’s not always easy living with Norman.”_

_At these words Andy saw at the corner of his eye that they were suddenly left alone. The eyes that he kept looking into had turned black and he sat waiting for the explosion._

_“You’re fucking unbelievable!”_

_She burst out, glaring at him but he kept it cool. At least on the outside and kept eating while watching her._

_“So, are you coming over Sunday?”_

_He asked._

_“Fuck you, Andy!”_

_This time the words were angry and she left her seat and seconds later the tent. He followed her with his gaze until she mounted her bike and drove off way over speed limit._

_\--------------------------------_

_Jessie spotted the first police car blocking the way for nosy fans and press when she changed her mind. She stopped the bike a few feet away from the blinking car and put her feet down on the ground. Why was she letting Andy get under her skin like this?! She knew he wanted to throw her off her game. And she had let him! Why the hell did she let him affect her like that, when he never had before? In one quick movement, she spun the bike around and headed straight back the way she had come._

_“Have you seen J?”_

_Andy looked up from his script but had to throw himself back in his chair to avoid being hit in the head by the crossbow Norman removed from his back._

_“Sorry.”_

_He said quickly but Andy waved away his apology._

_“She left after lunch.”_

_“She did? On what?”_

_“Her bike.”_

_“Her bike is still here.”_

_He said._

_“It is? Are you sure about that? I saw her leave.”_

_“I walked past it 2 seconds ago, yeah I’m sure. Why did she leave?”_

_Andy hesitated but knew he would never be able to pull of lying to the man. They knew each too well already for that. And just as he was about to open his mouth, Norman spoke._

_“Did you guys argue again?”_

_“No, not really… I just… Intervened.”_

_“What does that mean?”_

_“It’s nothing. Nothing happened, don’t worry about it.”_

_The older of the two narrowed his eyes at his friend for a second, scrutinizing him closely but seemed to decided not to take it further._

_“Fine… So you haven’t seen her?”_

_“No, not since she left but apparently came back.”_

_The thoughts about where she probably was and what she was doing, he kept for himself. Thankfully Norman was being asked to help out with something before the final scene for the day. As soon as the archer was no longer in sight, Andy hurried up from his seat and went on a determent search for the second archer._

_She had no desire to fuck this guy whatsoever but flirting was a lot of fun and especially since he caught on so quickly. He was already done for the day but hung around like most on the show just to support each other. She had found him hanging around on the parallel set of the day with Steven and Lauren. She kept her distance though but always made sure he could see her. And he did. Once he laid his eyes on her again, he never once lost her out of sight and she took full advantage._

_It dawned on her that this might be one of the reasons she felt a need to be with other guys. It was the excitement of knowing what she was doing could and probably would get her into trouble. And the thrill of knowing she could make other men weak at the knee and start drooling by seeing her simply bend over to tie her shoe was something she never seemed to get enough off. Norman should be enough she knew that but there she was, sneaking further up the woods by the train tracks and heard him follow._

_“Are you sure it’s such a smart move, walking off into the wood all alone when it’s getting all dark?_

_She stopped in her tracks when he spoke. She spun around and got surprised when he was a lot closer than she had expected.  She took a step back but he simply followed and sneaked a big hand around her waist and let it rest at the small of her back. She gave him a small smile and put her hand on his chest._

_“Are you sure it’s such a smart move to follow me into the dark woods?”_

_“You’re a woman who’s hard to lose from sight.”_

_His other arm came to rest around her as well and he pulled her closer against his own body. She put both hands on his chest and pushed just a little, creating a little bit of space between them. He had to know she was the one in charge here._

_“So…?”_

_“So, what?”_

_“So, are you dating Daryl Dixon?”_

_“No.”_

_“No?”_

_“No.”_

_“But?”_

_“Fucking Daryl Dixon.”_

_“Like on a daily basis?”_

_He asked and took a step forward, costing her to step back._

_“From time to time. It’s complicated and something you don’t have to care about.”_

_Several steps later she felt the trunk of a big tree behind her back and she had nowhere to go anymore._

_“Sure about that? Andy seemed to-“_

_“Fuck Andy. He’s an asshole.”_

_“So, this is ok?”_

_He asked and pressed himself to her, making sure she could feel his hardness press against her lower stomach. She smiled and removed her hands from his chest and placed them around his neck instead, closing the small space between their two bodies completely._

_“It depends. What’re you going to do?”_

_“I want to kiss you.”_

_He leaned in closer to her but she bowed her head a little and turned it to one side, dropping her hands once more to the side of his body._

_“Well, that’s the one thing you don’t get to do. That’s my only rule.”_

_“There’s rules?”_

_“Just that one. Not on the lips.”_

_“So I can kiss you here?”_

_He leaned in and his lips landed on the side of her neck while his hand found its way under her shirt. She let out a soft ‘yes’ and closed her eyes._

_“What about here?”_

_His lips found her spot right under her ear that made her moan and she felt him smile against her skin. She allowed him a few more moments of groping and kissing, before she moved away from his touch completely._

_“What the hell?”_

_“Thanks for the ride.”_

_“You call this a ride?”_

_“A good start to one.”_

_She said as she made her way away from him. She turned around and watched his frustrated body language but she was pleased to see he was grinning._

_“See you tomorrow then?”_

_“I guess we will find out tomorrow.”_

_She said and waved at him before finding her way back to the train tracks and the production that was done for the day and ready to head home._

_The second she put her foot on the tracks she spotted Andy coming straight for her. She growled to herself but kept walking, ignoring him although she could feel his angry eyes staring at her._

_“Hey!”_

_“What, Andy?!”_

_“What the fuck are you doing?!”_

_She stopped walking and turned to look at him as he shouted at her from a few feet behind her. His steps were furious as he closed in on her._

_“Mind your own fucking business, Andy!”_

_She turned her back to him but froze when the latest of her conquests came stumbling out from the woods, pretty much at the same spot she had come seconds before and she saw as Andy put two and two together in lightning speed. The newbie eyed the ringleader with wary eyes for a second before lowering his gaze and hurried on._

_“Whatever you did… Don’t do it again!”_

_Andy called after him and he halted in his step for a moment, showing them both that he heard him but then almost ran out of sight. Andy turned back to her and to her as well as his surprise, she recalled a little by the intense anger in his eyes._

_“What the hell is wrong with you?!”_

_She drew a breath but he couldn’t hold it in anymore and started yelling at her before she could respond to his words._

_“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Wasn’t Jose enough for you?! Why the fuck do you always have to do this to him? What the fuck is wrong with you, J?! Norman loves you! He loves you more than anyone and so much more than you fucking deserve! I thought you guys were ok, that you were done but you never will be, will you? You’ll just keep fucking everything that moves and Norman will keep forgiving you for be a fucking whore and for some fucked up reason still love you. I think it might be a good idea for you to get the fuck out of here and leave Norman the hell alone cause he would be a whole lot better off without you in his life right now!”_

_He wasn’t quite sure where this rage was coming from but maybe his tolerance for bullshit finally had reached its breaking point. He had stood by so many times without saying what really was on his mind. Both to her and to Norman. Truth was, he really thought he would be better off without her and now he finally got the guts to say it to her face. He had pictured her breaking down and cry when running this conversation through in his head. Breaking down and apologizing and show remorse, maybe even beg him not to tell Norman and promising not to do the same thing again. But her face lacked every emotion expect anger when he was done shouting at her. She pinned him down with furious eyes and stepped close into his personal space. Something she most likely had picked up from fighting with Norman so many times._

_“Shut your fucking mouth, Andy! You’ve no idea-“_

_“I know everything you’ve done, Jess! I’ve fucking been there for the past 3 years to see with my own eyes! I know you’ve fucked half the crew and cast! I know you’ve beaten him up more than once. I know you take advantage of him every chance you get! I know you pretend to hate him because you’re too fucked up to admit what you really feel for him.”_

_“You don’t know shit about what I feel!”_

_“Everyone knows, Jessie! But maybe you need to figure it out on you own. As far as away from here as you can fucking come! He doesn’t deserve this…!”_

_“This is none of your fucking business, Andy!”_

_“I won’t just stand by and watch my best friend getting used like this by some fucking bitch that can’t keep her legs closed!”_

_The hard shove in the chest made him stager back a step. Before he could find his balance again, she pushed him again and a third time, cursing and yelling at him to shut up. It would probably would’ve developed into a pretty hard beating if Mike hadn’t stopped her. The dude wouldn’t hurt a fly but his vast size really helped even against furious little humans like Jessie. He came rushing to Andy’s aid out of nowhere and wrapped his massive arms around her and simply lifted her away from the Englishman._

_“What did you do?”_

_He turned around and looked at Andy when Jessie finally gave up her attempt to get back to her punching bag and walked off with furious step, cursing under her breath like a damn teenager. Andy actually chuckled a little to himself. There really wasn’t anything funny about the whole thing but he couldn’t help himself. She was like a fucking teenager at times._

_“I guess she just didn’t like to hear the truth.”_

_“I see… She’s a bit of a drama queen, isn’t she?”_

_“You’ve no idea.”_

_“You ok?”_

_“Fine. Thanks though.”_

_“You mind breaking it down for me real quick? She’s Norman’s girlfriend, right? I mean, I haven’t actually seen them in action but she lives with him, doesn’t she?”_

_“There isn’t a quick way to explain this.”_

_Andy sighed as both of them turned and walked away in search for a car that could take them back to base._

_“So she’s not Norman’s girlfriend?”_

_The redhead asked, confusion etched on every word he said and Andy couldn’t blame him. He sometimes forgot how extremely odd their relationship must look to complete strangers. He was used to it by now but for Michael and all the other new actors on the show were experiences this for the very first time._

_“No… Or yes, I… No. I guess not. Not this week. Not today. It’s complicated but yeah, they live together… Most of the time.”_

_“Right. So they’re that kind of couple, on again, off again?”_

_“You have no idea. They can’t live together for too long but then they can’t live without each other for too long either.”_

_“She’s been around since…?”_

_“We started 3,5 years ago and 4 years before that.”_

_“They’ve been at this for 7 fucking years?!”_

_“Yup.”_

_“Holly shit.”_

_“Yeah… I mean, they usually behave on set, try not to involve the personal in the professional but she… Sometimes she just… Lashes out and she really doesn’t give a fuck where it is or who’s around. So just do yourself a favor and stay out of her way.”_

_“You mean like you do?”_

_“I’m already too involved in this to be saved, man. There’s no motherfucking way out once you get into it.”_

_“I’ll bare that in mind then.”_

_\-----------------------------_

_He felt it in the air the second he was back home. The second he put his foot on the other side of the threshold he knew things were about to change. The honeymoon was over for now. The fucked up thing was that he simply shrugged and decided to just roll with it. He had known it would end sooner or later and he wasn’t at all surprised._

_“Hey. When did you get back?”_

_He pushed up the half-closed bedroom door and leaned to the doorpost to watch her where she was sitting in the middle of the bed with her phone. She didn’t look up at him when she answered._

_“Like an hour ago.”_

_“Why didn’t you wait for me?”_

_“I just needed to get out of there. There’s some pizza in the kitchen.”_

_“Ok… Are you ok, babe?”_

_“Fine.”_

_He was too used to her lies and above all too used to her reactions, not to want to question her for the time being. He headed straight for the kitchen, a cold beer and an hour of South Park before giving up after almost falling asleep 4 times. He had listen to Jessie moving about in the bathroom, probably taking a bath but he knew she wouldn’t want him to join her tonight. So he decided to occupy the second bathroom before hitting the sheets._

_She was sitting cross-legged in nothing but her underwear on her side of the bed, propped up on some pillows and texted someone when he entered the bedroom. He deposed most of his cloths before settling in beside her._

_“Do you wanna talk?”_

_“Not really.”_

_“Why is Andy pissed at you?”_

_“Andy’s always pissed at me for some fucking reason.”_

_She said without looking up from the screen and without stopping texting whoever she was texting._

_“He is?”_

_“Yeah… It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”_

_She finally put the phone away and leaned forward to place it on the bedside table. His eyes narrowed in surprise when he saw scratches on her back. Quickly he sat up and put a hand on the back of her shoulder to make sure he really was seeing what he thought he was seeing._

_“What happened?”_

_He asked, worried. She recalled a little by his touch but simply shrugged her shoulders and told him it was nothing. But this was something he couldn’t drop. Despite the fact that he knew he had actually cost her physical pain in the past, he hated to see her hurt and with cuts and bruises._

_“What happened, baby? When did you do this?”_

_She slapped his hand away, turned the lights off and laid down, pulling the covers tightly around herself and snarled at him._

_“I’m fucking fine, it’s nothing!”_

_Her bad temper and he fight with Andy made him realize she was keeping something from him. Again. Whatever it was it seemed to bother her enough to lose sleep over. And like all the other times when she couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t either. They lay awake beside each other for over an hour without speaking. Jessie gave up first and left the bed with a frustrated groan._

_He deliberated whether or not to follow her but just as he had decided to get out of bed too, her phone caught his attention with an incoming text._

M: I’ll make u scream bitch

_Things were beginning to make sense and fall into place inside his head and he reached out to her phone and began to go through the latest of her conversation with someone she had simply named M. There had been a few like this through the years so it really didn’t surprise him but it pissed him off. So fucking much and he felt his hand began to tremble as he kept reading text after text about sexual suggestions and offers. She had even sent him pictures of herself naked. Picture’s he had taken of her just a few days before._

_“Jessie!”_

_His roar echoed through the house and he heard her drop something to the floor in the kitchen as he approached her with fury in every step._

_“What?”_

_She was on her knees on the floor by the fridge, gather the broken pieces of a plate into her hand. She looked up at him when he came around the corner._

_“Who the fuck is this?!”_

_He showed her the phone and the conversation she had been having with this guy since a few hours back. He knew she would play the blame game and he was ready._

_“What the fuck are you doing going through my private phone?!”_

_“You fucking left it for me to see it, didn’t you?! You know he would text and you know I would see it! Your fucking psycho!”_

_“You had no business-“_

_She abounded her cleaning of the broken shards and rose to her fullest height in front of him._

_“Who the fuck is he?!”_

_“None of your fucking business!”_

_“What did you do? Did you fuck him already?!”_

_“No! Nothing fucking happened!”_

_“Sure sounds like it did!”_

_“It’s just some damn texts, Norman! It got a bit carried away but nothing fucking happened! I was with you all day!”_

_“Who is he?!”_

_“What difference does it make?”_

_He lost all his patience with her at that point and grabbed her hard by the arm at the same time as he slammed the phone to the floor, sending pieces flying all over the place._

_“Who the fuck is he, Jessie?! Who did you fuck this time?!”_

_“I didn’t fuck him!”_

_“Answer the fucking question, bitch!”_

_“What are you going to do about it, Norm? Are you going to beat him up too? Like you did Jose?”_

_Her voice was mocking and she even smiled at him and he really could relate to all the times Andy had referred to her absolute insane at that moment. He had defended her most of the times, saying she was a free spirit with commitment issues. But she really was insane._

_“Do you even know why you do the things you do?”_

_Her facial expression changed in lightning speed by his question. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him with black eyes and snatched her arm back from him._

_“Yeah, cause it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that my entire family was blown to fucking pieces!”_

_She yelled at him and pushed him aside. He stood his ground though and she bounced against him, costing her to lose her balance and take a step back. He heard the breaking of china as she yelled out in pain and her knees buckled under her and before he could reach out to stop her, she fell backwards to the floor onto the broken plate._

_\-------------------------------_

_Andy was used to being the first one set every morning. But as he parked his car he could spot Norman’s truck already there and lights were coming from the man’s trailer already. A lot of it. It was weird because Norman didn’t like bright lights due to his eye injury a few years back. It caused Andy to stir his footsteps towards the trailer at once and he knocked lightly before entering, like he always did. Just as he took the first step inside he heard Jessie cry out in pain and he stopped dead in the doorway._

_“What’s going on?”_

_As he leaned forward and peaked inside he found a bizarre scene unfold in front of him. Jessie was lay sprawled on the small table in the very back of the trailer, completely naked form the waist up and one of the onset nurses was hoovering over her. Norman was sitting on the floor by her head, holding on to one of her hands. Andy spotted a white bandaged on the other one and for one horrifying second he wondered if she had actually tried to kill herself again._

_Norman snapped his head around and looked over at him, making Jessie lift her head too and notice him._

_“Great, have you come to tell me this is what I deserve?”_

_She asked but Andy quickly shook his head and hurried over to them._

_“What the hell happened? Are you ok?!”_

_He almost shouted the words at her and bent down to look at her, grabbing her injured hand in the process to examine her._

_“I’m fine, Andy, you don’t have to prete-Fuck!”_

_She cursed once more and Andy lifted his head in time to watch the nurse extract a small piece of something white out of her foot while holding a tight hold of her ankle._

_“You really should go to the ER, hon.”_

_“No, I’m fucking fine. Just patch me up and I’ll be as good as new.”_

_“What happened?”  
He turned to Norman for an answer but he didn’t look back at him. He kept his eyes on her, stroking her hair gently once in a while and kissed her hand. _

_“She fell onto some broken china last night. Got some into her foot, back and hand but she refused to go to the hospital so I drove her out here like an hour ago when she was threating to take them out herself.”_

_“What’s wrong with you? Why the fuck would you refuse to go to the ER?! You need stitches. Right? She need stitches?”_

_“It would probably be better yes, but they’re not that deep, except this one. If you don’t want to go into the hospital for stitches you’ve to at least keep your weight of off this one for a few days.”_

_“What? You mean like crutches?”_

_She turned her head and looked at the nurse over her shoulder._

_“Yes, Miss Hamilton crutches.”_

_“Fuck…”_

_“I’m sorry, baby. I’m really sorry, J.”_

_“I’m fine, it wasn’t your fault… But you’d own me a new phone.”_

_Norman chuckled lightly and kissed her lips when she looked at him._

_“I’ll get you a new phone. What do you want, princess?”_

_“Could you get the next Samsung?”_

_“Oh, your traitor!”_

_Norman protested, but Andy quickly figured it was just a way to get her to take her mind of what the nurse was doing to the cut in her foot._

_“So you’ll get me two?”_

_“I’ll get you two new phones. You can’t live without an iPhone, Jess.”_

_Andy snorted beside them and he saw Norman roller his eyes at him, making Jessie actually chuckle too._

_“What happened to your old one?”_

_“It’s in about 100 small pieces all over the kitchen floor right now. Along with the plate I cut myself on.”_

_“There, done. I’ll find you a pair of crutches.”_

_“Do I really have to?”_

_“Yes!”_

_The words came from both the nurse and Norman and she glared at both of them as she carefully sat up after putting on a t-shirt. The nurse quickly cleaned up and packed her bag before leaving the trailer with a promise to come back and asking her patient not to move until she was._

_“Are you ok?”_

_Andy walked up to her and looked her over closely. It was weird that he could feel such a concern for her after what had happened just hours before. He blamed his parental side for carrying too much about her. She really was like a kid most of the time and the fact that she had no family really made him care a little too much about her. She really didn’t deserve his sympathy but there he was, grabbing her gently by the shoulder and made her turn around so he could check her back._

_“What the fuck, Andy…? I’m fine.”_

_She sighed but still allowed him to lift her shirt and take a closer look at her injuries. Besides 2 bandaged cuts he found scratches that didn’t match the rest of her injuries at all. Before he could think things through he opened his mouth._

_“Did you happen to run into a tree in the kitchen as well or what?”_

_Jessie snarled and snapped around to glare at him as she pushed away his hands from her body. Her action cleared stated that Norman wasn’t fully aware of what had happened the day before and she wasn’t about to fill him in._

_“Come on, Jess. That’s why this fucking happened, right? You got into a fight last night cause of what you did.”_

_“Nothing happened!”_

_She said, pinning him down with her gaze._

_“So what, you just shoved yourself up a fucking tree?!”_

_“For fucks sake, Andy! You don’t know-“_

_“Who is it?”_

_Norman’s voice was surprisingly calm but very clear and demanding when he spoke, cutting Jessie’s insult of Andy short._

_“It doesn’t matter! Nothing happened! Nothing’s going to happen!”_

_She said, staring at Andy while she spoke. Behind the anger he spotted something that could only assume was a silent cry for help. She was begging him not to tell Norman who he had caught her with._

_“So what the fuck did you fight about if nothing happen, J?”_

_She squirmed a little at his challenging question and he was very pleased to see a little bit of guilt reaching her eyes. She rarely showed any kind of remorse for what Andy considered cheating. It didn’t matter that Norman told him time and time again that they weren’t actually dating, he still saw her as a cheater. They loved each other for fuck sake! You didn’t fuck around with other guys if you loved and lived with one._

_“I found her texting some M asshole last night and it… Got out of hand.”_

_“Texting?”_

_“Sexting.”_

_“What the hell is…? Oh…Why?! What the fuck, J? Why?”_

_“How the hell did you end up in this conversation? You’ve nothing to do with this!”_

_“Do you know who he is?”_

_Andy hesitated when Norman turned to him with the question. He looked from his best friend to his lover and back a few times, debating whether or not to tell him. His loyalty laid with Norman 7 days a week, 365 days a year but he also knew that if Norman found out it was Marcus she had been fooling around with, he would beat his ass to the ground the next scene they were shooting together. And since their characters already disliked each other, Andy feared the whole thing could get out of hand pretty quickly._

_“Well, if Jessie says nothing will happen, it doesn’t matter who it is, does it…?”_

_Andy could tell his argument wasn’t really settling in well with his friend and he hurried on before Norman could protest._

_“Listen, Norm I know it’s… I didn’t actually see anything and the short time she was away…It’s probably true but… I’m still not sure “nothing” happened.”_

_He turned back to look at Jessie, praying she could play along and actually give something up if she wanted him to keep her secret. Norman would know if she lied, he usually did. After staring at him for a few seconds she sighed and gave up._

_“Fine. Something happened but I didn’t fuck him, I swear to God. It didn’t even get close, it was just… A little bit of flirting going on and he… Might have gotten the chance to feel me up a bit. In the woods, up against a fucking tree… I’m sorry.”_

_She sought Norman’s gaze with pleading eyes and reached out a hand towards him. He stared back at her, getting a glassy look in his eyes._

_“Did you kiss?”_

_He asked quietly but before he had ended the question, Jessie shook her head furiously and protested at once._

_“No! No, I don’t…Never, you know I never… No, Norman I promise it was nothing like that. I was just… Flirting.”_

_One of the very rare moments when there was a very uncomfortable silence appeared when Jessie was done talking. Tears were threating to roll down Norman’s face at any second and she tore her gaze away from him, looking down on the floor instead. The silence stretched for only a few seconds before all three of them turned to the door after a soft knock was followed by the nurse coming back inside. She could probably feel the tense atmosphere and cut her visit very short by simply handing Jessie the crutches, telling her to rest and that she would be back to check on her after lunch before vanishing again._

_“Do you want to go home?”_

_“Like New York home?”_

_She asked quietly but finally took her eyes away from the floor and looked up at him. For the first time since entering, Andy felt that he was intruding on something he probably shouldn’t be a part of. He knew either of them really cared that he was there, they never had but this was getting very interment and emotional._

_“Yeah, maybe you should leave.”_

_Andy wasn’t alone in tensing his entire body when he heard Norman’s cold voice. Jessie even stopped breathing on the table._

_“Ok.”_

_She said after a few heartbeats and nodded._

_“I’ll be gone before you get back tonight if that’s what you want.”_

_“Yeah… Just stay here until lunch, get some rest and make sure the nurse checks up on you and I’ll have someone take you home afterward.”_

_The words from both of them were calm enough but as Andy watched them both he could tell Norman would lose it the second he stepped out of the trailer door and Jessie was probably going to do the same. But, Jessie especially, wasn’t about to show her feelings to everyone. She kept her lips tightly shut and her face looked like stone when she looked at him, nodding once more to his instructions._

_“Good. We probably should get going, huh?”_

_It took Andy a few seconds to realize Norman was actually addressing him and he shook his head quickly to restart his brain._

_“Yeah, sure… See you, J.”_

_“Keep him out of trouble, will ya?”_

_She asked, almost smiling as Andy walked past her and followed Norman outside. They walked quietly for a while and when they finally reached the make-up trailer and Norman still hadn’t said anything else other then cursing and muttering quietly to himself on the way, Andy finally spoke._

_“Listen, if you want to know, I’ll tell you, man. Do you want to know?”_

_The older of the two stopped in the act of opening the door and looked down at his friend from the top step._

_“Don’t worry about it, Andy. It doesn’t matter. It’s not really up to you tell me, she should. I’m not angry with you. I get it, you don’t want me to get into trouble again.”_

_“No, I really don’t. You’ve gotten enough black eyes this season.”_

_It was hardly ever Andy had problem in getting into character and he usually just had to get into the car in the morning and drive towards the set but this morning his mind was still too occupied with Jessie when he sat down in the make-up chair. That Norman was sitting right next to him without even making a sound wasn’t helping at all._

_He had asked her to leave the day before and he really believed it was for the best but hearing Norman asking her to go was a whole other thing. As far as Andy knew, he had never freely asked her to leave. It usually just happened when they fought. And it was really getting to his friend. This part was always so frustrating for him to watch. Norman would be miserable most of the times when she left but sometimes he was even more miserable when she was actually living with him. They really couldn’t live without each other but they couldn’t always live with each other either._

_Without word’s he reached out and placed his hand on the man’s knee and gave him a little nod when he looked up. Norman nodded back, insuring him that he was ok. Or at least would be ok at some point._

_“I’ll come home with you tonight, we can get some food on the way. Sounds good?”_

_“Yeah… Thanks.”_

_“Kinda love you, you know.”_

_“Kinda love you too, man.”_

_Norman managed to give a small chuckle in Andy’s direction as the two of them shared their affection for each other._

_\---------------------------------_

_He should’ve known it was never over when it came to the two of them. He should’ve learned that it could always get worse and there wasn’t any time to relax. He was on set with Norman and the new group, simply to show his friend that he could always count on him whenever he needed it. This far Norman had kept it strictly professional though and only asked him for advice when it came to the scenes they were shooting. He watched the fully blown archer walked some few yards away from everyone else as they were getting ready for another take. He was simply pacing back and forth in the woods, the crossbow resting over his shoulder as so many times before._

_The reason for Jessie’s departure was there as well, although they kept their distance from each other, both of them doing their own thing to get into the right mood. It was just a calling of a name but it changed everything right in front of him where he sat quietly and calmly waiting for the next scene._

_“Marcus!”_

_Andy heard someone call the new actors name from somewhere beside him. Both men stopped pacing at the same time and Andy watched in slow-motion how Norman put two and two together, simply by hearing the name being called. He had gotten so fast with the crossbow that Andy simply just had time to get up to his feet before Norman had spun around, found the actor with the weapon and fired an arrow straight into a tree only feet away from the man. But it still made him jump and call out in shock._

_“What the fuck…?!”_

_It took everyone a second to react and understand what had happened but by the time Norman charged at the stationary man, Andy was already in his friend’s line of fire and caught him in the chest._

_“Stop it! Stop, Norman, don’t do this! Let go of the fucking crossbow, bro. Please! Just look at me, Norm! Let go!”_

_There was no way he was going to make Norman look at him but when he at least tugged at the weapon in his hands, he gave in and Andy quickly put it down on the ground and kicked it further away, while trying to hold him at bay._

_“What the fuck did you do?! Huh?! What did you do with her?!”_

_Despite Andy’s best effort Norman managed to advance on Marcus who seemed to grasp what was about to happen and raised his arms in defense, backing away._

_“She fucking told me you guys weren’t dating.”_

_“You think this is how I would react if we weren’t?! What the fuck did you do?! You stay the fuck away from her!”_

_“Fuck, sorry, man I didn’t-I didn’t know! Nothing happened, I mean nothing… Nothing serious happened. I’m sorry, Norman. It won’t happen again.”_

_“I’ll put the fucking bolt between your eyes the next time you as much as fucking look at her!”_

_“I-I-I’m-“_

_“She’s with me! She’s fucking mine, your piece of shit!”_

_Norman was pushing him hard enough, that Andy could feel Marcus’s heaving chest pressing at his back. In a final attempt, Andy gathered all his strength and pushed hard against Norman’s shoulders and made him take a step back. Once he made his friend tare his gaze away from the man and look at him instead, he knew the worst was over._

_“Walk away, man. Just take a walk.”_

_One final furious glare was delivered before he shrugged away from Andy’s touch and stalked off further into the woods, away from everyone._

_He stumbled on himself, roots, and branches in his hast to get as far away as possible in the shortest time possible. When he finally stopped in his tracks he collapsed to his knees and seconds later fell onto his back, screaming at the top of his lungs at the afternoon sky._

_He knew Andy wasn’t far behind and he felt him hoover in the background for a few minutes before he closed in. By this time he was crying hysterical and just wanted to rip his own heart out of his chest to make the hurt go away. This time he really couldn’t just roll with it. He thought he could the night before when he felt she was leaving but he had never thought it would be like this. Again. He was so sick and tired of having to go through this. Andy sat down beside him without speaking and just waiting him out._

_When his sobs begun to ease up a little he heard Andy’s phone buzz and his friend produced it from his pocket._

_“What the fuck…?”_

_He closed his eyes and braced himself. He knew the reaction coming from Andy could only be cost by one thing. Or more likely one person. This was what she did. She always found a way to torture him further._

_“What did she do?”_

_“Nothing. It’s nothing.”_

_“Show me.”_

_“No, you don’t-“_

_“Show me, Andy!”_

_He didn’t bother to wipe his eyes, he knew more tears would come as soon as he watched whatever she had sent Andy. Andy took out his phone again, although it was very hesitant. He sat up and grabbed the phone and pressed play on the MMS Andy had received from an unknown number. She was completely naked, fucking someone he really couldn’t make out, sitting on top of his dresser in the trailer. She had probably chosen this spot so she could film herself through the mirror, making it possible for her to look straight into the camera while banging however she was banging. She might not even know the guy’s name and he knew she wouldn’t care. It wasn’t about the actual pleasure of sex, it was about hurting him so she didn’t have to deal with her own feelings._

This is your fucking fault. Don’t get involved in my fucking life!

_He didn’t watch all of it but when he closed the video he was able to read what she had wrote to Andy. He actually felt a little sick to his stomach when he read the words she had written. Blaming Andy was an extremely low blow. Even for her._

_“This is not your fault, man.”_

_“I know that. She’s fucking insane, Norm.”_

_“Yeah… What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I really don’t-“_

_“Hey. It’s not you, Norman.”_

_Andy moved quickly and wrapped his arm around his friend where they both sat on the forest floor, when Norman began to sob all over again. He dropped his head to his knees and wrapped his arms around it._

_“You haven’t done anything wrong, brother you know that. Nothing’s wrong with you…. Besides maybe loving the wrong person.”_

_Andy’s attempt to make a joke actually managed to make Norman chuckle in between his sobs._

_“I’d love her.”_

_“I know. You know she loves you too. I really think she loves you but… She’s… She’s not good for you. Not right now, not like this. Maybe this is for the best for now? Spend some time apart and just calm things down.”_

_“She’ll be back.”_

_“I know that. But not tomorrow, right?”_

_“No but in a few weeks.”_

_Andy wasn’t able to stop the deep sigh that left him, making Norman actually look up from his knees and tilt his head to look at his friend. His eyes were red and puffy and he smiled without any trace of humor at all._

_“I know what you think, man. You think I should just quit, give her up but I can’t. I really can’t. I’ve tried so many times but it just gets worse when I think about not being with her again. I know she’s a psycho bitch must of the times but when… When she’s not, it’s the best fucking thing in the world. I love her with everything I am, Andy and I just… I really think we can make it work.”_

_“When? Do you really think she’s going to change? After 7 years of doing this, do you really think you can make her change?”_

_“Yeah, I really do.”_

_“And how much shit are you able to handle before you get there? I hate this, Norman. I hate seeing you like this. She has broken you down so many fucking times by now and she… She doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. You shouldn’t have to put up with this shit. This isn’t normal or healthy for either of you.”_

_“I fucking know that, Andy.”_

_And with those words, Andy realized the conversation was going to be over for now. How irrational it might seem, he had managed to piss Norman off by keeping insulting Jessie. Sometimes she wasn’t the only one not liking to hear the truth…_


	2. Sexyback

Norman woke up as so many times before by the soft cry of his daughter. He felt her move her small little head in search for food and getting just as frustrated as usually when she could find any. She had got quiet the temper already when wanting food and he quickly grabbed hold of her and got to his feet. When he opened the door and stepped out into the living room, she began to really cry and he placed her to his shoulder.

“Andy!”

He called out in surprise when he spotted his best friend at the kitchen table. He hadn’t expected to see him this soon, they hadn’t really decided on anything but apparently Andy wasn’t so keen on waiting. The cry of his friend’s name made the child protest and she gave an even louder cry and she throw her head back. Thankfully Norman held her very tightly and nothing really happened expect that he had to move his head away from the loud screaming right in his ear.

“She’s got her mother’s temper.”

Andy said and got to his feet. Behind him, Norman saw Jessie roll her eyes and grin towards the man. Without a second though, he handed the child over to his friend when he walked up to him. Changing position seemed to be doing the trick and she quiet down when Andy placed her safely in his arms and pulled her close to his face to be able to really look at her after giving her father a tight embrace.  

Curious blue eyes with a hint of green looked back at him. He knew she probably couldn’t see him but he told himself she could anyway and it was what made her calm down. He could make out both parents feature in the angelic girl in his arms. But the first person that came to mind was Mingus.

“She looks a lot like her big brother, doesn’t she?”

He looked up but discovered that Norman was no longer beside him, instead he found him in the kitchen, making coffee.

“Yeah… You want some?”

“No, thanks I’m fine. Your wife has already made sure I’ve got plenty of breakfast.”

“Ok, good. When did you get here?”

“Like 1,5 hours ago. We’ve been talking old memories.”

“Really?”

He asked, really intrigued what they could’ve had to talk about. Andy looked over to his wife and walked across the floor and sat down at the chair he had come from.

“Is there any breakfast left?”

“Just come on over here, babe there’s plenty of food for ya.”

She said and took her feet off of the chair beside her and pushed it out for him when he approached.

“How the hell did I get so damn lucky?”

He leaned close to her and kissed her as he reached for a plate of eggs and bacon.

“It wasn’t without effort.”

Andy said, still totally mesmerized by the little girl and not able to tare his eyes away from her. Jessie laughed and took a piece of bacon from Norman’s plate, making her husband protest with his mouth full of food.

“Hey! I thought you already ate!”

“Ever heard of second breakfast?”

“You’re not a damn hobbit.”

“She gave you a daughter and feeds her about, what? 10 times in 24 hours? The least you can do is give her food whenever she asks for it.”

Andy said, finally taking his eyes away from Melodi to pin down her father. Both of the girl’s parents laughed and looked from each other to Andy.

“Don’t worry, Andy. He gives me plenty of food to go around. I can’t even sit down on the couch anymore without getting a plate of food in my lap. He takes really good care of me.”

Jessie assured the Englishman and Andy nodded and gave the thumbs up to his friend. Norman did the same back, making Jessie shake her head at the two dorks. Norman looked across the table and watched his friend talk to their daughter. Jessie did the same beside him and after a moment or two he felt her hand under the table, searching for his. He grabbed it and kissed her knuckles. When they both could hear the soft words of the first, but surely not last, ‘I love you’ coming from Andy as he kissed the little girls head, they got teary eyed. Jessie’s finally spilled over and she turned her face away, cursing.

“God damnit, Andy.”

“What?”

He looked up and around in confusion. Jessie was wiping tears away when he looked up at her.

“Sorry, I just… There’s so much hormones going on.”      

“I remember. You want her back?”

Quickly Jessie nodded, feeling an extremely strong need to just hug that little creature that had been inside her for 8 months. Andy got to his feet and handed over the baby to its mother and watching Jessie hug her tightly in her arms made Andy chock up as well.

“She’s perfect.”

Andy bend and kissed Jessie’s head before taking a seat again.

“Yes, she really is.”

The baby girl whined the second she was back in her mother arms and Jessie quickly read what her daughter needed. Like one, both men turned away from her and looked at each other instead of the mother beginning to feed the girl.

“Honestly? It’s a damn boob. You’ve seen hundreds of them.”

Andy gave a nervous little giggle at Jessie’s comment but did turn to look at her and found that it actually wasn’t that dangerous. And it really wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before it just felt more natural to look away.

“She’s doing good?”

“Yeah, she’s doing really good. Putting on weight, sleeping, eating, pooping, all those things.”

“She’s still the tinniest thing I’ve ever seen. 5,3 lb. right?”

“Yeah.”

“So what’s the plan now? Are you guys moving back to Georgia?”

“No. Jessie decided she wanted to stay for a while, until she get a little bit bigger.”

“For Mingus.”

Jessie added.

“Yeah and for Mingus.”

“He was here when she was born?”

“Yeah, through the whole thing.”

“Brave kid. I’m pretty impressed you survived too, brother.”

“It was the most amazing fucking thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. It really was absolutely incredible. I was scared shitless the whole time of course but I survived.”

“Gale really wanted to come too but someone had to look after the kids.”

“Yeah, we really weren’t expecting you so soon, bro. I’m glad you’re here though, it’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah, you can stay as long as you like, Andy you know that. You can use Mingus bedroom.”

“Thank you.”

“Actually…”

Norman’s hesitant voice made Jessie tense at once and she turned quickly to look at her man.

“You got it?”

Andy asked and Norman nodded quickly.

“Aha.”

Andy’s smirk made her panic a little over the fact that she was the only one not seeming to know what was going on.

“What? What? What did you do?”

Norman got to his feet and vanished into the study with Jessie asking over and over what he was doing. Andy wasn’t helping at all and just sat there grinning.

“You know I fucking hate surprises. What did you do?”

She demanded as he returned with a folder in his hands and placed it in front of her. She looked from the folder to Norman and back a few times without being able to take it. She wasn’t sure what she was going to make out of this. She tightened her hold on her daughter and reached out for the folder and flipped it open. It contained a prospectus with information and picture of an estate on 322 Valley farm road in Dutchess Country. In silence she flipped through the pages of the 6 beds, 6 baths stone house with an amazing pool area and green laws with trees. What really caught her though was the surroundings, it just as well have been in the deepest woods of Georgia. It was strange to think a place like this could exist barley 1,5 hour outside Manhattan. She really didn’t need to ask why she was showing her this but the words left her anyway, just to make sure her post labor brain wasn’t playing tricks on her.

“You bought a house?”

“ _We_ bought a house.”

“I’m not leaving this apartment!”

She really didn’t mean to shout so loudly, making the baby in her arms to jerk away and give a protesting cry. She quickly shushed the girl and she resumed eating.

“You’re not selling this place.”

“Of course not.”

She let out a breath of relief when he spoke next to her. He leaned closer to her and grabbed her chin to kiss her lips lightly.

“I could never sell this place. Too many memories but I was hoping we could make some new memories in a new place.”

He could see the protest before she opened her mouth and he knew what she was going to say and he made her swallow back the words.

“Look, I know you love Georgia and it will be home but I also know you think you’re taking Mingus away from me, when you’re really not but… Anyway, I was just thinking this could be a new start for all of us in New York too. A new family home, you know, just for the four of us.”

She sat blinking at him for a moment before feeling the tears escape her again and she started crying.

“It’s kinda hard to tell if you’re happy or mad with all this crying going on all the time, babe.”

“Shut up!”

Norman laughed when she hit his shoulder, trying to get the tears under control. He got serious rather quickly though and looked at her with a nervous little smile.

“So you like it?”

“I-I-I mean… When can we go?”

His face lit up like a Christmas tree and he beamed at her and kissed her hard.

“We can go now if you want.”

“Yeah. I wanna go!”

“Awesome! I just need to take a shower and we can go.”

He chewed the last of his breakfast down and rushed to his feet, calling back to Andy as he headed towards the bathroom.

“You’re coming too, right, man?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Normski… Now, is your angel girl done eating soon so she can get some more love from uncle Andy?”        

                                            --------------------------------

“Norman…! Baby?”

Frustrated Jessie called out for her husband to come to help her but she got no response whatsoever. The third time she called out, trying to be heard over the loud crying from Melodi, Mingus showed up in the doorway, halting in his tracks with his breath caught in his throat, as though he had sprinted.

“You need help?”

He asked as he took a quick look around the room and tried to get a better overview about what was going on. Jessie was standing by the food of the bed with his little sister lying in front of her, changing a dirty diaper it seemed like.

“I run out if wipes.”

She said and Mingus saw how she forced herself to take a deep breath and calm down. Before she could ask, Mingus hurried over to the dresser and retrieved a new package for her.

“Thanks.”

Mingus simply shrugged and got into bed, put his hand on the small little head of the girl and she quiet down the moment she felt his hand and saw his face close by. Quickly Jessie finished changing her, all while Mingus kept talking softly to her.

“Where’s your dad?”

“Not sure…. Hey, sit down. Take a breath.”

Jessie stared at him for a second when Mingus reached out and put a hand on her arm, making her stop in her tracks. To help her out just a little bit more, he picked up the girl and began pacing, knowing it would put her to sleep. Behind him, he heard Jessie sigh and finally take a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Sorry, I just-“

“Don’t apologize, Jess. I know you didn’t get any sleep last night. I’ll take her, you try to get some rest.”

“No, I’m…”

She changed her mind mid through when Mingus pinned her down with an extremely annoyed look upon his face.

“Fine. I guess I could use some sleep. Thank you.”

Mingus stayed behind just to make sure Jessie actually got into bed before he left the bedroom, closing the door shut behind him, hoping she would at least get an hour worth of sleep. The forth week of his little sister’s life had turned out to be a not so great one as she was having some kind of stomach pain and refused to sleep at night. Mingus descended the stairs and tried to put as much space between mother and daughter as possible. He knew Jessie would wake up by the smallest cry and she really needed to sleep. If it hadn’t been so damn cold and windy he would’ve taken Melodi for a walk but instead he settled in the sun room, looking out over the stone terrace and the spa and pool area that he couldn’t wait to explore in the summer.

He had just settled in with the baby against his chest and browsing through his phone when he heard his dad through the open door into the kitchen and huge living area that was the heart and soul of the house. He sounded angry and argued with someone over the phone.

“I need to…No, I can’t give you a fucking answer right now! I need to run this through with Jessie first… I don’t give a shit! You’ll have to wait, alright? I’ll let you know…. I don’t know when. Tonight, tomorrow morning, maybe. Ok…? Yeah, I will. Great…Yes! I’ll talk to you later.”

The lack of sleep wasn’t just affecting Jessie. His father had a shorter fuse then usual and Mingus heard him curse to himself as he made his way through the kitchen and if he wasn’t mistaken, opened the fridge.

“Hey, dad! Get me something to drink too, will ya?”

“Where’re you at?”

“Out here.”

Mingus called back, making his father poke his head inside the room seconds later.

“You’re supposed to do your homework.”

He said, handed his son a soda and sat down on the opposite sofa.

“I’ll do it later.”

“Mingus, we agreed, didn’t we? You can stay here as long as you do your school-“

“I’ll do it, dad I promise. You know I will but Jessie really need to get some sleep and you weren’t there.”

Silence feel for a moment and his father scrutinized him closely, before nodding.

“Fine. Is she asleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Good… Thanks.”

“Yeah. Are they still trying to get you to do the cruise?”

“Yeah.”

Norman sighed deeply and dropped his head heavily to the back of the sofa.

“Have you told Jessie?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I know she want me to do it.”

“So why don’t you?”

“Because I don’t want to leave her alone. I know she can handle it, that she will be fine but I still don’t want her to be alone.”

“She wouldn’t be alone. I’ll be here.”

“I thought you were going back to mom’s this weekend.”

“Come on, dad do you really think it would be that hard convincing mom to spend the weekend here?”

“No, I know it won’t be.”

“But?”

“I’m not ready yet.”

Mingus looked down on the baby lying on his chest as his father’s eyes too landed on her. She lifted her head a little and looked up at him with curious and alert eyes that turned more green than blue for every day that passed.

“You gotta leave her at some point, dad.”

“I know. Did Jessie say anything to you?”

“Not really but I think… I think she wants some space. You know, just to breathe a little.”

“Yeah I know. But it’s four days! I haven’t even been away from her for four hours yet.”

“Were you like this when I was a newborn too?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Huge difference though. Jessie is getting sick and tired of you hoovering. She needs some space, dad. She knows you want to help but she’s going to snap at any second now, especially if she doesn’t get enough sleep. And you know you’re going to be the one she lashes out at if you’re here.”

“Your mom got pretty sick and tired too.”

“Yeah, I bet but she doesn’t have half the bed temper or attitude Jessie has.”

“True.”

Norman agreed, chuckling softly.

“Besides, you know you really don’t want to bail on Jeff and Greg or the fans… You could probably use an hour or two of sleep too, dad. I’ll be fine. She just ate so she should be fine for at least 2 hours, right?”

“Maybe.”

“I’ll come find you if she gets too pissed. Let me help, dad.”

It took his father almost a whole minute and Mingus a few more convincing words but Norman finally got to his feet, kissed his son’s head and headed straight for the bedroom.

Jessie woke up with a jerk and in a bit of panic and tried to restart her brain as fast as possible. The room was too dark and she had slept more than she should’ve been able to. In her hast to find her phone she knocked into something solid behind her. Confused she turned and was surprised to find Norman asleep. The house was too quiet and it was too dark outside. It had to be early evening. She gaped at her phone when she finally found it and noticed that she had been sleeping for 5 hours straight.

“Baby?”

She turned and looked over her shoulder when she heard Norman’s low voice. He lay with his eyes closed but still reached out for her and gently caressed her back. She spun around and snuggled into his arms.

“Ouch.”

She said, almost starting to laugh when Norman hugged her closer and she felt her boobs aching. He started to giggle too as he felt two rocks poking him in the chest.

“Where’s Melodi?”

“With Mingus.”

“Still?”

“What’d you mean still? What times is it? How long have I been asleep?”

“Don’t know about you but I’ve been sleeping for 5 hours.”

“Really…?”

It took him about 2 seconds before he seemed to realize what she just said. He sat bolt upright, knocking Jessie away from him.

“Hey! What the hell was that?”

“What if something happened? What if she…? She…”

Not even a second later he was on his feet and half way across the floor before Jessie managed to caught his attention.

“Norman, she’s fine. Mingus would’ve come to get us if something happened… Although…”

She got to her feet too.

“She really should be hungry.”

Together they left the master bedroom that was located at the end of a short hallway on the second floor. Right across was what was going to be Melodi’s nursery whenever they were ready not to let her sleep in their own bedroom. Norman was one step ahead of her and she walked straight into him when he stopped dead on the last step of the white staircase leading down to the spacious kitchen and living room.

“What are you doing?”

Jessie lifted her disoriented head and looked over Norman and quickly figured why he had stopped dead. It looked like a bomb had detonated in the kitchen. There wasn’t a surface left that wasn’t occupied by some kind of kitchen appliance or food container. It smelled really good from something that was cooking in the oven and Mingus was standing by the stove stirring something. Some music was playing on low volume and Mingus was rocking gently where he stood, singing to himself. He turned towards the stairs, one steady hand on the bundle on his chest.

Jessie felt himself gape at the teenage boy. How he had figured out their newly bought Tula carrier she had no idea, let alone how he managed to cook at the same time.

“Did you guys sleep ok?”

“Obvious. How…? Why…?”

Stunned, both parents made their way over to the teenager. Norman walked straight up to his son and just to make sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing, he peeked inside the carrier and found his daughter sound asleep. Jessie was still in disbelieve and sat down at the breakfast area.

“You guys really needed to sleep, especially you, Jess.”

He turned and pointed a spoon in her direction. She just looked at him and couldn’t quiet take it how helpful he was. She felt herself getting tears in her eyes but she blinked them away quickly.

“Thank you, Mingus. Really, thank you. Has she eaten?”

She noticed a bottle sitting on the counter in front of her and she reached out for it, rising it questioning at him.

“Yup.”

“How the hell did you managed to make her take the bottle? She has refused for 4 fucking days with me.”

Norman asked both shocked and maybe a bit pissed.

“I told you it would be easier when I wasn’t around… How did you get her into this though?”

“YouTube, baby. We worked it out together. She got really pissed at first but when we figured it out she fell straight asleep. She’s been asleep for 2,5 hours now. It’s a lot easier to cook with 2 hands.”

“You cooked dinner? While carrying her?”

“Yes.”

The pride in Mingus eyes could be seen from miles away and he beamed even wider when Norman grabbed him and kissed him hard on the side of the head.

“You’re fucking awesome! Right? See, I make fucking awesome kids.”

Norman turned towards her, still holding on to his son and hugged him tightly and her heart melted by the sight of her little family. Hastily she whipped away a tear that escaped and told them to just hold on for a second and she snapped a picture of them.

“I love you, guys.”

She said, sighing happily and rested her chin to the palm of her hand and looked at both of them. The spell was broken the next second when Melodi gave a loud cry and stated moving.

“Please tell me she’s hungry. I’m about to fucking explode here, my boobs are killing me.”

Mingus burst out laughing at her comment and made her way over to her, unbuckling the carrier as he approached. Gently he took the baby out in one smooth motion and handed her over to her mother.

“Wow, you’ve really been studying those videos.”

“Just a few of them… And yes! I did my school work too.”

He said quickly before Norman could breathe out the words he had just been about to speak. Jessie kissed the little blond head of her daughter and found her looking back at her when she pulled away. At the corner of her eye she saw Norman directing his son to clean up the mess while he sat the table for their dinner but her eyes were fixed on the little girl in her arms.

It was amazing how quickly she changed. At the moment she looked just like Norman but just the week before she was more like her. She saw Jacob in her as well, they had the exact same eyes. It was the moments like this, when the little bundle of joy simply looked back at her that it was worth every waking hour at night.

“Hey, baby girl. You really do have the best big brother in the whole world, you know that? He’s awesome and we’re really lucky to have him.”

She saw Mingus halter a little in his cleaning and he was meant to hear her although Jessie kept her voice pretty low and directed straight at Melodi. The baby looked back at her smiled, showing off two perfect little dimples in her little cheeks and gave up some kind of noise that wasn’t a cry. It was more a happy coo and the kitchen fell dead silent. The smile she had pulled off before but the cooing was new. And as so many times before her father was right there and tried to caught the whole thing on his phone. She usually got distracted whenever he showed up and put the phone right in front of her face but this time she had eyes for no one but her mother.

“What are you trying to say, sweetie? Tell daddy to get that weird thing out my face, right?”

She responded to Jessie’s voice and made even more sounds.

“How about its dinner time!”

Mingus called out as an alarm went off somewhere in the mess, making Melodi change her cooing to an angry cry and Norman quickly put the phone away and made it over to over to help his soon put the food on the table.  

It had become more of a rule than simple coincidence that Jessie ended up feeding Melodi while they ate themselves. She knew it had bothered Mingus at first because he didn’t like to look at her when talking but now he had gotten used to it and didn’t think a thing of it anymore.

”So I was thinking of inviting mom over this weekend, would that be ok?”

Jessie looked up from changing sides for the eating baby but wasn’t sure about what he has asked as his little sister gave a loud protest at the same time.

”What? Sorry…What about your mom?”

”Would it be ok if she came out here Friday?”

”Yeah of course. I thought you were going back to Manhattan though.”

”I was but since dad is leaving-”

”You’re leaving? You’re doing the cruise?”

”Thanks, man! Real smooth.”

Norman snapped a little at his son but Mingus simple shrugged and rolled his eyes back.

”If I don’t get you talking you never will.”

”Shut up…!”

Jessie watched the two of them with a mixture of amusement and confusion. Norman annoyed protest made Mingus smirk and he dodge the punch to the shoulder Norman delivered seconds later.

”What am I missing here?”

”Talk! You know, start a conversation.”

”Do you want to eat your food in your room?”

Norman threatened.

”No I’m good. I’ll shut up. This weekend though, cruise, leaving. Discuss.”

He pointed his fork at both of them and after they were both done gaping at the young adult, they turned to each other. She waited on Norman to start the conversation but seconds passed and it seemed he wasn’t sure what to say so she helped him out.

”So what about the cruise? Are you going?”

”Do you want me to go?”

”Come on, that’s not fair!”

”Why not? It’s really up to you, J if I’m going or not.”

”No! Don’t put this on me.”

The protest came a lot louder and angrier than she had anticipated but she really felt it was very unfair to put this on her. If she said no she would be the bad guy and get even more hatred from across the world from the TWD fans.

”But it is really up-”

”No! Don’t make me out to be the devil here. I’m not going to be the reason you say no to this. Fans already hate me, I won’t give them another reason to hate me more. If you don’t want to go that’s fine but leave me out of it. I won’t be your reason for you not doing the cruise.”

”If you want me to fucking leave just say so, J!”

”Hey! For fucks sake! Is this what you guys call discussion? It might be a good idea to try to set a good example for once.”

Jessie looked over at Mingus and felt herself glare at first but it quickly changed into shame and guilt when she realized that Mingus acted a whole lot mature than either of them at the moment. Why the hell was it that they never could have a normal discussion without starting yelling at each other? She couldn’t remember a single time it had actually happened and that was pretty insane. Norman however totally ignored his son and demanded her attention.

“Fucking talk to me, Jess!”

“I’m trying….!”

She started to yell right back but caught herself when she felt the baby in her arms jerk her head away from her eating.

“Fuck-Sorry, I… Ok, I’ll talk to you but you gotta listen too.”

She demanded from her husband.

“I’m listening. I always listen.”

“No, you hear what I’m saying but you’re not always listening.”

“What the fuck-“

“Dad!”

“Fine!”

Norman crossed his arms angrily over his chest and shut his mouth tightly, glaring at the rest of his family for teaming up against him.

“Now you know how I feel everytime you team up with Andy or Sean… Ok, so I won’t decide for you what to do about the whole cruise thing but I think… I think it might be a good idea for us to spend some time apart right now. We’re getting on each other nerves right now and you fucking know it too so no need to look so damn pissed…! I love you, you know I do and I think it would be good to be away from each other for a few days. It’s just 4 days. I miss missing you.”

“Huh? What the hell does that mean?” 

“You know, I miss looking forward to you coming home again. I want to get that feeling back again of going a bit insane cause I miss you so fucking much. I haven’t had that for forever now it seems. I miss calling you in the middle of the night cause I can’t sleep when you’re not around. And the reunions… I miss the times when you get back again so fucking much.”

For several long moments, the table was completely silent, despite of sound of eating from mother and daughter.

“How long did you practice this speech?”

“About 200 times inside my head. I was going to go for the sex part too but that didn’t include both our kids listening in.”

“Thanks for skipping that part. I really appreciate it, Jess.”

“You’re welcome… And I honestly really don’t need another reason for the fans to hate me more. Besides, think about all the happy and steaming memories you’ve from the cruise last year.”

“I’m gonna go finish my food in my room. Good discussion, guys.” 

Mingus abruptly got to his feet, collected his food and water and vanished from sight fast enough that neither of them had time to protest. Both of them looked after the teenager for a long time before Norman finally tore his gaze away from the already closed door to Mingus room further down the hallway.

“Fine. I’ll go… If! If you promise me you’ll call me if anything, and I mean anything, Jess, happens. And I don’t want you to be alone. And before you say anything, you know it’s not because I don’t think you can take care of Melodi on your own, cause I know you can. It’s for me. I’ll feel a lot better if you’re not alone.”

“Alright. It’s from Miami this time too, right?”

“Yeah, Friday night.”

“What day is it today? Wednesday?”

“Yes, February 1st. … I’m sorry we’re getting in each other nerves.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle when he reached out for her hand, making her drop the fork to her plate and kissed her knuckles.

“I’m just impressed we made it this far before starting yelling at each other. I’m sorry too but you know you agree with me.”

“Very deep down right now.”

He said, scooping the finished eating infant into his arms and kissed her forehead before placing her to his shoulder.

“And it’s not really me you’re scared of leaving.”

“That’s not true, babe you know I’ll miss you like crazy too but the longest I’ve been away from her is the hours I sleep at night and I’m not sure I’m ready yet.”

“It’ll be fine, Norm.”

“I know it will but I’m still going to miss her… Miss you.”

“And that’s a good thing. We need this, all of us. I need some space.”

“I know you do, Jess. I know you, remember? Inside out.”

Melodi gave up a big burp and Jessie saw how Norman tensed his entire body at once. For some reason she always managed to throw up on her daddy. Norman whinnied and closed his eyes.

“It’s inside the shirt this time.”

Jessie tried her hardest not to burst out laughing.

“Ahh…! Making its way down my back…! Stop laughing and help me out!”

“Sorry.”

Jessie giggled and got to her feet and retrieved her daughter when he got to his feet and pulled the sticky shirt away from his body. She froze to her seat when she watched him turn his back to her and walk off to the bathroom. The desire and sexual need that suddenly filled her up had been lacking for so long it took her second to remember what the feeling was. The slightly racing heart, the flushing of her skin, the clenching of her midriff and watery eyes hadn’t been a priority for the past 2 months. But just like that, right there and then it was back with full force and like so many times before she couldn’t stop this particular impulse.

“Mingus?”

She called out to him at the same time as she knocked on his door and opened it before being asked to enter. He was sitting in the middle of the bed with his laptop in front of him, still eating.

“Yeah?”

“Could you take your sister for like… 15 minutes?”

“Sure. Why?”

“I need to help your dad with something.”

She got the urge to smack the teenager around the head when he smirked at her, shaking his head in the process when she walked over to the bed and placed the baby girl close to Mingus side. Was it really that obvious what was on her mind?

“Help him out with something, huh?”

“Shut up!”

She kissed her daughter and told her she would be right back.

“Is it the fighting that gets you going?”

She stopped with one hand on the door when Mingus question reached her. She took a moment to think about it before she looked back at him over her shoulder.

“Maybe. I haven’t really thought about it lately.”

“Don’t worry about us, I’ve got her. But… Close the door behind you.”

“Will do.”

Before her bad conscious could really kick in she hurried out of the room, closed the door behind her and rushed to the other side of the house and the bathroom Norman had vanished inside. She pressed her ear to the door and heard water in the sink. She really didn’t want to walk in him when he doing some other business in the bathroom but it seemed like he was just washing up so she knocked once before entering with a soft ‘baby’ on her lips.

Norman looked up at her through the mirror, having just soaked his shirt in the sink. She saw him narrowing his eyes just a little bit at her, seeming to concentrate really hard and maybe trying to figure out if he was seeing what he thought he was seeing in her eyes. She took her time to really look him down both once and twice when she walked up to stand right behind him. Once she put her hand on his naked hip and they looked at each other, there was no way he could mistake the look in her eye. She knew he had seen it a million times and he knew what she wanted.

He turned off the water and grabbed the sink harder in his hands when her hands began to make their way over his naked back. The fact that he didn’t even ask her where their daughter was made her realize just how much he must have missed being intimate with her. Since giving birth, he hadn’t even made an attempt or suggested anything remotely close to sex but as she leaned in and kissed the ink on his shoulder, he gave up a moan that begged her to keep going. She continued exploring his back with hands and lips and didn’t even care that she could smell a little bit of Melodi’s stomach contents.

When her hand vanished to the side of his body and started to make its way to his ribs, she suddenly felt his hand close around her wrist and he tugged her close and spun around to face him. They ended up staring at each other for a long moment, exploring each other with eyes only while Jessie kept her caressing hand on his chest and sides. He gave in first and put a hand on the side of her face and attacked her mouth. The make out session that stated got so intense and aggressive from both parties that neither of them knew how the hell it happened but they were suddenly wrapped up in each other’s arms both completely naked in the shower.

“Fuck, I miss you, baby. So fucking much, J.”

He breathed against her neck and kissed it hard as he pressed her up against the wall with both hands on her boobs.

“Me too, baby. I love you.”

“Are you sure this is ok?”

“Yes!”

She pretty much shouted the word at him as she wrapped both hands in his hair and tugged hard to get his addictive kisses back to her mouth. He sniggered against her lips before giving in to her nonverbal pleading. She wanted to scream out to the whole world when he carefully eased his way inside her but the scream got stuck in her throat and she only managed to gasp. She wasn’t use to this, this careful and slow sex and she wasn’t sure she liked it at all. This kind of love making had only happened on a handful of occasions between them and she had loved it back than but now she had no patience for it.

The amazing thing was that he seemed to feel her need without her having to tell him and he pulled out only seconds later, spun her around and made her braze herself against the wall before pushing himself inside her once more. This time it was with a lot more force and when he grabbed the back of her head and forced her head back, she came hard around him.

He stopped his thrust as he felt her orgasm tare through her body and he had to steady himself with a tight hold on her hip. She didn’t like it when he stopped though and she pushed her hips back, making him take a step back as she bent forward and forced him deeper inside her. He threw his head back and cursed loudly. The second after he dropped his gaze to her moving hips and watched his dick slide easily in and out of her wet pussy. She turned her head and looked at him over her shoulder as he once more grabbed hold of her long hair.

“I might change my mind about wanting you to leave.”

She said, smirking back at him. He grinned right back and tugged hard at her hair, making her moaned loudly and curse all in one.

“It’s still 2 days left, babe.”

He said and begun meeting her thrusts hard. It had been too long since he got to realize himself and sooner than he wanted, he felt the familiar feeling starting to fill his whole body. As so many times before though, Jessie followed him into their joined little piece of nirvana.

“I love you, Norman. I love you so much.”

She wrapped her arms and legs around him and closed every inch possible between their two bodies when both of them were done climaxing. He followed her example and swallowed her last words with deep kisses and reached out to turn the shower on. She shirked and laughed when the cold water hit her back but it quickly got warm and she was able to focus entirely on her husband’s kisses again.

“You’re bleeding. Are you sure you’re not hurting?”

“I’m fine. My legs are still fucking shaking.”

She said and tightened her hold around him. He looked back at her with a determent look in his eyes. She would’ve to convince him a few more times before he believed her. She knew her reminder of how good he made her feel would help and she was pleased to see him smirk. She sighed, feeling extremely calm and relaxed as she closed her eyes and turned her face up to the warm water. She felt his hands in her hair, getting it wet before starting to work the shampoo into it.

“I love you too, baby.”

They spent a good 10 minutes in silence, just washing each other off, touching and exploring each other like it was the first time ever. In some ways it was the first time, it was different this time. They were parents now. Her body had changed and this was the first time he had been able to really explore her new curves to the fullest. Her hips were wider and probably would stay that way even though she wanted to lose the few pounds the pregnancy had made her gain. As he ran his hands down the sides of her body and over her hips, he couldn’t help but tear up a little, simply by being reminded of why her body had changed and how it made him love her if possible even more.

“I don’t want you to change.”

Her head had been resting against his chest, while her hands were on his back but as he spoke, she leaned back and looked up at him with a slight confused frown.

“I know you’ve been complaining about not fitting into your old jeans but you need to know that I don’t want you to change the way you look now. I love you, Jessie now more than ever and there’s nothing you’ve to change to…You know, just… I don’t want you to think about that too. There’s no pressure. You haven’t looked more beautiful than right now.”

He realized he probably wasn’t doing a very good job in trying to explain what he really meant but she seemed to get it. She looked at him for a moment before nodding slowly.

“You know you really don’t have to tell me this but… Thank you for telling me anyway, I’d appreciate it.”

“It’s my job to take care of you. Don’t stress and you gotta ask for help if you need it, Jess. So please have Helena come over this weekend.”

“Yeah how the fuck did that happen? Me spending time alone with your ex-girlfriend and actually liking it?”

She reached out and turned off the water before both of them stepped out of the shower and grabbed towels and began to dry each other. He wasn’t even aware that he had missed her until they were this close again. He couldn’t keep his hands away from her and he was glad they had finally gotten to this place again. And maybe now was the perfect time for him to leave so that they would be able to miss each other like crazy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the house i used as insperation 
> 
> https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/322-Valley-Farm-Rd_Millbrook_NY_12545_M36661-71436
> 
> remember that this is fiction though and Norman DOES NOT actually live here, but i like to find actual places/houses to help my process :)


	3. Coward

He flipped through every picture of he had of her on his phone. It was crazy how many pictures he had been able to take in her short life already. One day hadn’t passed since she was born that he hadn’t taken at least a dozen pictures and it really helped now when he was going from the airport to the port of Miami to board the cruise. Jeffrey was right beside him, looking over his shoulder at the pictures and displayed just the right emotions for every picture he flipped through.

“She’s the most beautiful little thing I ever saw! I can’t believe how fast she grows.”

“I know. She’s 4 weeks today. Well, tonight. 4 fucking weeks. How the hell did that happen? It goes too fast.”

“How is she doing? How’s Jessie?”

“They’re both doing really good. Mel has had some issues with her stomach for a few days, crying through the night, driving us insane but it really helped when Mingus got her to take the bottle.”

“He’s helping out?”

“You’re kidding, right? He would be living with us 24/7 if we didn’t force him to go to school. He has been beyond helpful, kinda makes me feel guilty.”

“Come on, he finally got a little sister, let him spoil her, that’s what big brothers are for. And he probably wants to spend as much time as possible with her before you guys go back to Georgia. How much more time have AMC given you before wanting an answer?”

“After the cruise.”

Norman sighed heavily and put the phone away after lingering a few more seconds on the gorgeous green eyes of his daughter.

“Why are you hesitating? You’d be awesome as an executive producer for the show. You’ve been there since the start, you know the show inside and out and the process-“

“It’s not the same behind the camera. They’re already such a tight group and the season is already mapped out and-“

“You’d make a great asset, Norm you know that.”

Jeffrey quickly interrupted him again with the same argument he had had since he had told Jeffrey about the offer AMC had given him. Executive producer for the coming season on Walking Dead was an offer he really shouldn’t have to think twice about.

Still that was exactly what he did. He wasn’t sure it was what he wanted right now. He had said goodbye to Daryl Dixon 2 months ago. Now they wanted him to pick his brains about how to keep the show going without the redneck archer. And he still hadn’t told Jessie about the offer. He knew she would ask him to take it, just as she had told him to do the cruise. But this was bigger than a 3 days cruise. This was a fulltime job and he wasn’t sure he wanted one at the moment. All he wanted was to spend time with his family, to see Melodi grow and not miss a day of her life. He was already missing 3 days of her life due to this cruise and it was physical hurting him to be away from her. And Jessie.

He felt the palms of his hands getting slightly sweaty and his breathing picked up just a fraction, just thinking about her. 4 times more between the first time and him leaving, they had had sex. And although they still had a little bit too go until they were really back in their normal routine, he was very pleased to find that they hadn’t lost the spark.

“You really need to talk to Jessie about this, man.”

“Aww, you sound just like Andy. That’s the first thing he said too when I talked to him about this.”

Jeffrey laughed and nudge him in the ribs.

“And you know we’re both right. Talk to Jess. Talk to your wife, that’s what partners do. It might be a good thing for you start acting like a married couple and start making decisions together.”

He gritted his teeth together a little and was about to give an annoyed replay to Jeffrey when the car suddenly came to a stop and they were told they had arrived at their destination.

                                            ------------------------------------------

_Do us all, including Norman a big favor and cut the other wrist properly this time your fucking cunt!_

_You better watch your back, whore cause next time I see you with Norman I will cut you down!_

_Jump off a fucking bridge!_

The death threats had multiple 10 times over just over the past week and it started to get to her more and more. Probably because she actually had someone that depended on her now. Their daughter was asleep next to her in bed while she was on her laptop and although she really was trying to get on top of the bills, she somehow found herself reading the comments online from people that claimed to be Norman’s fans. It was still early morning and the girl had gone back to sleep after being feed. It was a blessing that Mingus had convinced his little sister that the bottle really wasn’t such a bad idea. He had feed her the night before and the infant had been asleep for 8 hours straight, given her mother much needed sleep as well. She felt well rested for the first time in a month and she really hoped it could continue like this, although she was well aware that wasn’t likely to be true.

_Good morning_

Her phone buzzed and when she saw an incoming text from Norman, she shut the laptop and put it away, knowing and hoping this could be a long conversation. She missed him so fucking much although he had only been away for barley 24 hours and she really was considering asking him to get his ass home.

_Morning. Why are u up already?_

_I miss u…_

_I miss u 2. Guess what?_

_What?_

_Ur daughter just went back to sleep again after sleeping through the night_

_Really? What did u do? Knock her in the head?_

_Fuck u…!_

_Sorry  ;)_

_Mingus feed her last night and then she fell asleep and sleep for a little more than 8 hours straight. She woke up, ate and went back to sleep_

She snapped a photo of the sleeping angel in her baby nest on Norman’s side of the bed and sent it to him.

_Fuck… She really is perfect. I’m coming home now! I’ll call a fucking chopper or something and get back!_

_I was just thinking about asking u to get back cause I miss u like hell but u need to do this babe. We’re fine. Helena got her last night and the two of them are fucking spoiling me_

_Good, I told her too… I know I can’t leave but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to_

_I know_

_I love u_

_I know, I love u 2_

_AMC has offered me a position as executive producer for season 8_

She read the line 3 times and the shocked ‘what’ that left her was loud enough for Melodi to jerk in her sleep and open her eyes for a second before deciding not to let it bother her and go back to sleep.

_What the hell do u mean?! When did u get the offer?_

_About a week ago_

_And u’re telling me now?! U’re a fucking hypocrite Norman! U can yell at me to talk to u but it doesn’t matter the other way around?!_

_I know babe I’m sorry. Ok? I know I should’ve told u but I’ve been twisted and turned on every fucking stone when it comes to this and I really wanted to make sure I had all the facts before telling u_

_So tell me!_

_They want me to get into the pro production, which has already stated but they want me to join in as soon as possible but I asked to start March at the earliest. They want me to do be part of the writing and the whole process but I think more when we actually begin shooting again_

_Good thing I’ll at least get a few weeks to prepare to move back…_

_I still haven’t told them yes_

_Bullshit! When we begin shooting again….? U’ve already decided to take it_

_No! I really haven’t! I wanted to talk to u first. I’m not sure I want to do this_

_Well played to do it when u’re in the middle of the fucking sea…_

_Yeah I know I’m a fucking coward… I’m really not sure what do this about this J… A part of me really wants to start tomorrow but another part never wants to leave home ever again. I’m done with Daryl_

_U’ll never be done with Daryl babe. They’re ur family_

_U’re my family. U, Mingus and Mel and I don’t want to spend time away from u. At least not that much time as this will take. It’s a fulltime job and I’m not sure I want that_

_So make a better deal. If they really want u to be part of this they will have to show it_

It took a moment longer for him to replay and she imaged him dropping the phone in surprise and then releasing she was right. He was so bad at getting it into his head that he was allowed to actually demand things. He always wanted to be nice to everyone.

_I can do that?_

_For fuck’s sake Norm they asked u didn’t they? If they offered u the job without u actually asking they want ur ass pretty bad! YES u can demand a better deal!_

_So what would be a good deal?_

_Whatever u feel like I guess. I can’t really tell u that but if we’re talking fulltime job here, maybe try to cut down the hours and/or days. I know they’ve a process and a deadline and all that but I’m guessing the main reason they want u onboard is to actually be on set when they start shooting?_

_Yeah I think so. Would u be ok with going back to Georgia?_

_We were going back to Georgia anyway_

_I know but it wasn’t going to be like this. And why are u acting like u don’t actually want me to do this?_

_Cause I’ll get to be pissed at u for not telling me!_

_Fine… I’m sorry I waited to tell u babe_

_U really are a coward Norman Reedus_

_And u love me anyway <3_

_Yeah I’m a sucker for cowards. Or maybe just a sucker for u…_

_Fuck yeah!_

_I miss u_

_Are u sure?_

_Yes_

_U have no idea how much I miss u babe. So many freaky memories from this ship that makes it a fucking drag to be here alone_

_I kinda hate that we started having sex again_

_Why?_

_Cause I hate that u left and that I can’t fuck u right now_

_Ur dirty fucker Jessie Reedus!_

_Like u don’t want the same thing right now_

_U have no idea! I would give anything for u to be here right now, having ur mouth around my dick_

Jessie moaned quietly to herself and started to form a replay but got distracted by the child beside her. Melodi stared to wake up and gave a huge yawn and stretched. Clearly thinking it was time to get up.

_Sorry babe. This sexting just got blocked by ur daughter_

_Damn! Well, I guess it won’t be the last time so we better get used to it. I’ll just have to take a long shower_

_Imagine me on my knees in front of u_

_Fuck Jess!_

_Scream my name baby_

_Shit J stop it!_

_Ok ;)_ _I love u. talk to u later. Go take that shower_

_I’m fucking already there. Fuck, I love u_

_Glad I’m still able to make u go crazy_

_No one else does, u know that ♥_

_Right back at u ♥_

_Go take care of our daughter now babe and I’ll call u later_

_Will do_

_Give he a big kiss from daddy_

_Of course. we love u to Neptune and back_

_Neptune?_

_It’s the planet furthers away from Earth. About 10 billion miles, Mingus is doing some schoolwork about the planets_

_Wow, really? 10 billion miles?_

_Yeah_

_Shit. Makes u feel pretty small…_

_Very_

_I really gotta take that shower now_

She received a picture of his fully erected and naked dick and once more she let out a low moan that included an extreme longing to have him there with her. But her arousal was quickly suffocated by the little lady beside her. She gave up a loud cry that told her mother that there would be no time over to think about all the dirty things she wanted to do with her husband. So Jessie simply replayed with a drooling emoji and put the phone away before getting to her feet and picked up the girl and another day begun.

                                            ---------------------------------

He had to shield his eyes in the bright light and it took him a second to get use to all the screaming going on as he stepped up on stage with Jeff and Greg for the nights panel. As he turned and looked out over the sea of people he got overwhelmed by the number of people that showed up. He knew the likelihood of many nasty comment about Jessie was going to be high but he had told himself that he would simply ignore them. They didn’t even deserve an angry answer and he had asked Greg and Jeffrey to help him out as well.

The strategy worked pretty well. His coworkers were very good at distracting the fans and ignoring the comment as soon as one came. And they came. A lot more frequent than he had expected and it was such rude comments and questions he began to regret the decision to do the cruise. It was unfair but one small crowed of people really could bring his temper to rise and a feeling of just wanting to leave starting to spread. But then there were the fans that actually showed their respect and love for his other half and it made up for all the other assholes. At least for a little while.

“Will there be any more pictures of your absolute beautiful daughter soon? She was a real little angel when you first introduced her to us but I know a lot of us want to see more.”

He saw Jeffrey glance over at him and it was hard to hide the huge grin he always got when anyone mentioned his daughter.

“She really is the most beautiful little baby girl in the world. Absolute gorgeous. But how could she not when having Norm and Jess as her parents, right?”

Someone shouted ‘whore’ and another one ‘bitch’ somewhere in the audience and he got a strong urge to throw the empty Corona bottle in his hand right in the face of whoever called out.

“With comments like that that’s not about to happen…”

He said under his breath but the bad sound system didn’t pick up on it, which was probably for the best. Greg leaned over for a second and put a hand on his back, reminding him of what he had promised himself.

“Yeah about that-Thank you, by the way…We’ve been pretty wrapped up in our own little bubble since she was born and I wasn’t sure I wanted to come out of that bubble quiet yet but here I am. But to answer your question, I’m not sure how much we’re going to expose her to the rest of the world yet. We haven’t really talked about it. But she really is a beauty. She has got me wrapped her little finger like you won’t even believe.”

“It is fucking ridiculous, man. You hold no power over that little girl whatsoever.”

“I really don’t. But then I got no power over her mother either.”

“How’s your wife?”

He picked up on the shouting question coming for someone up front.

“Jessie is doing awesome, thanks for asking. I already knew she was fucking awesome but now it’s-“

More insults about his wife was being shut from people in front of him and he lost his train of thought.

“Jessie’s a fantastic mother and wife and whoever has another fucking insult to say about someone you don’t even fucking know will be the reason this panel gets cut short.”

The words came from Jeffrey beside him and Norman turned his head and gaped a little at his friend. He hadn’t expected this at all. It what was he wanted to say himself but he was too much of a coward, just like Jessie had told him. too nice, never wanting to get into an argument. But if that was what it came down to, to protect and stand up for the most important part of his life, so be it.

“Thanks, man. As I was saying, Jessie is doing really great, we all are and I wouldn’t really be here with you guys this weekend if she had convinced me to go. There’s nothing more important to me than my family and I’d appreciate if y’all could respect that.”

The crowed seemed to get the message after their little outburst and he heard fewer and fewer comment and questions about his private life. But then James and Greg did a very good job at directing back to the topic they were all there for; the actual TV show. He still went to bed very annoyed that night though and to blow off some steam he picked up his phone and let the first signal end before remembering what time it was in England and he quickly caught off the call to Andy.

_Sorry dude. Forgot what time it is. No worries, don’t need to call back. I’m fine, we’re all fine_

He wrote a text and pushed send just as Andy called back.

“Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to wake you. Totally forgot about the time.”

“Don’t worry about it. Tilly has kept me awake for the past hour anyway.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“Some stomach flue of sorts. She just went back to sleep after throwing up like 3 times in a row. Worst fucking thing in the world, I tell ya.”

“I remember…”

“Yeah. Aren’t you on the cruise?”

“I am. Just finished a panel with Jeffrey and Greg.”

“Oh…? Tell me.”

It was amazing how well Andy knew him and how well he could read his friend even over the phone. He thought he kept it pretty casual but Andy still picked up on something going on. So Norman launched right into complaint mood. About the so-called fans that didn’t give a fuck about the fact that he was the happiest man alive thanks to Jessie. About the offer from AMC. About being torn in between spending all his time with his family and working. About his bad conscience when it came to Mingus taking too much responsibility. About Helena suddenly becoming best friends with his wife. About Andy and Jeffrey teaming up on him. About finally fucking Jessie but not being able to do it 24/7 anymore because of Melodi and everyone else who had suddenly stated to want to visit and spend time with his family.

Andy was perfect for when this happened. He could keep complaining and yelling and cursing all he wanted and Andy just listened. Now and then he gave an angry replay when Norman went too far and Andy knew he really didn’t mean what he said, he had just had a little too much to drink and was too tired. Once he had kept his friend on the phone for more than an hour, he finally ran out of complaints and his heart felt a little bit lighter.

“What? Are you done?”

Andy asked when the line had been quiet for almost a minute.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“No worries, man. So Jessie wants you to take the offer?”

“Of course she does.”

“That’s because she knows you too well, dude.”

“I know.”

“You know you will get too restless not having anything to be obsessive over. And being obsessive over Melodi is not going to work, you know that. You need something else too. She knows this, I know this, everyone knows.”

Norman sighed heavily.

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t know how to leave her.”  

He gave a little chuckle, knowing how silly he sounded but for some reason he knew that Andy was smiling on the other side of the line. He heard him give a little sigh.

“I fucking love you, Norman Reedus.”

“Why?”

“Cause you got so much love and Melodi is the luckiest kid alive to have a dad like you.”

The smile that started to fill his face felt all the way to the tips of his toes and up through his entire body. It almost felt like his actual heart increased in size just a little by Andy’s words. The best thing he ever did in his life was Mingus and now he got the share that number one spot with the perfect little angel that was his little sister.

“I love you too, Andy… I’ll let you get back to sleep and I probably should try and get some too.”

“I tell you, try and get as much as you can possible can when you still have the chance.”

“It’s hard to sleep alone. I’m so use to having her-them close by it fucking sucks to sleep all by myself.”

“You’re too tired to notice, Norm.”

“You’re probably right.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m always right.”

Andy chuckled and Norman protested by saying a quick but very firm goodnight before hanging up on his laughing friend.


	4. You rock my world

_November 10 th 2013 _

_Jessie woke up in Normans New York apartment by an incoming text Monday morning. Well, noon was more correct as she noticed it was after 1 already. Before picking it up she knew it was the man who owned the apartment that texted her._

I miss u…

_She smiled to herself and spun around to her back with the phone in hand. She had been waited on this text for ages. She knew he would reached out to her sooner or later but this time he had let her hanging for almost a month. She kicked the cover of her naked body, arched her back a little to make her boobs look just perfect and took a selfie with one hand resting on her privates._

I miss u 2

_She knew he would figure out where she was but she wanted him too. No matter how much she hated that he held a special power over her and that she pretended not to love him, she still wanted him to know how he helped her. His apartment was a place she could always find peace and quiet. Here she could shut down her brain for a while and even forget that she had lost her family._

I tell ya, u get fucking sexier every time I see u! Have u been staying at my place this whole time?

Pretty much. U know I love this place

_It was her way of saying sorry and telling him she loved him. It was her own fucked up way to make it up to him although there was no way in hell she could ever do that._

I do 2

_Her smile got bigger when he returned the affection. Another text came as soon as she had finished reading the latest._

I want u to come down to Georgia

And I want u to go down on me

Well get on the next damn flight than baby!

How about u make me cum now and then I’ll consider it

_She waited for almost a minute and began to get a bit frustrated but when her phone buzzed again, he had sent her a 45 second video. He was filming himself in excruciating slowness and he was in nothing but underwear in his dimly lit trailer. Just as the camera moved further down and she watched him tug at his underwear, exposing the first sight of pubic hair the video ended. It was enough though. Her breathing picked up quickly and she felt herself getting soaking wet in seconds._

When u get here I will make u cum the second you step into the car. Shove u into the backseat and push u up against the door and tare ur jeans open and slip 2 fingers inside u. U’re so wet already, aren’t u baby?

_Jessie stated panting as she read Norman’s text. It wasn’t the ideal conversation to have over texts, as she had to use her right hand to please herself instead of her dominant left. She managed to answer him though._

So fucking wet. Fuck me with those fingers!

I’ll make u cum so fucking hard, u’d see stars bitch! I’ll make u soar!

U’re still pissed at me aren’t u?

Of course I’m fucking pissed J! Make yourself cum. Show me! Show me how wet I fucking make u and I’ll forgive u this time around

_At his request, she got to her feet and with quick and easy movements placed her phone on the bedside table. She had done this so many times by now she knew just how to please her lover to the fullest. She heard the signals to the facetime conversation as she crawled into bed, moving as close to the phone as she possible could. She knew he would wait to pick up, allowing her to get into position. She spread her legs wide, exposing her pussy and couldn’t stop herself from start before he picked up. She missed him so much. Her pussy really missed him. In the beginning, years ago, when they had decided to go separate ways for whatever reason, she would find someone else to fuck while waiting on him. But for the past 18 months he had been the only one she had allowed inside her._

_Besides that guy a month ago. But the idiot had been so damn nervous he had barley pushed inside her before he cum. It had been enough for her to take the picture to send to Andy but 5 seconds later she had shoved him away and forced him to leave the trailer. Still, she couldn’t remember his name and she really didn’t give a fuck who he was. He had served his purpose. By inflicting more pain onto Norman, she had been able to shut away hers in a tight nice little box and it was going to stay shut away for a little bit longer._

_But at the moment she just screamed his name to the universe as she came hard by her own hands but having such vivid imagination and about a million different memories to choose from, it really was just like he was right there. His fingers deep inside her and his thumb rubbing her clit. She felt her legs tremble and she closed her eyes as she felt her entire body relax._

_“I’ll be on the next flight.”_

_She breath, smiling to herself where she lay in the middle of the bed. She heard him chuckle and she made an effort to come back to life. A minute or two passed and he was still there when she spun around to her stomach and rested her head to one side and looked at him. She gasped involuntary by seeing him again. Somehow she always forgot how incredible hot he was and he always seemed to get sexier for every time she saw him. He was spotting a fresh blackeye, probably a real one although she could see that he was in his trailer, which meant he was filming._

_“What happened to your eye?”_

_“Fucking crossbow.”_

_“You ok?”_

_“It’s fine. How are you doing, babe?”_

_“Pretty damn good right now.”_

_“Don’t. You know what I mean.”_

_He rolled his eyes at her and put on a serious face, demanding an honest answer to his question. She looked back at him for a moment and sighed a little._

_“I’m ok, Norman.”_

_“I love you.”_

_She allowed his words to sink in a little. It had been a while since she had heard the words but it still had the same effect on her. She felt safe with him. No matter how much they fought and how fucked up their relationship was, she knew he loved her._

_“I love you too. Aren’t you wrapping soon?”_

_“November 23 rd.”_

_“So aren’t you coming back here then?”_

_“Sure but I don’t want to wait 3 weeks until I see you again. I’m not going to apologize cause I’ve nothing to apologize for.”_

_“Still, here you are reaching out first.”_

_“Just because you’re so fucking stubborn. You know you fucked up, J and you know I shouldn’t… Just get on a fucking plane, Jessie and get here.”_

_“I’ll be there.”_

_“When?”_

_“Tonight if I can find a flight.”_

_“Good.”_

_“Do me a favor and don’t tell him I’m coming back though.”_

_“Who? Andy? Why?”_

_“You fucking know why, Norm.”_

_The morning after she had sent Andy the video, she had regretted it and felt really shitty for blaming him. It was an extremely low blow and she was aware of it, although she tried to brush it off. When being faced with going back to Georgia however and being in close proximity for the Englishman again, made the whole thing a lot more real again. She might even be ashamed or whatever the feeling was that came over her that she wasn’t familiar with._

_“Andy knows you better than you think, baby. He knows why you did what you did.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah everyone fucking thinks they know me but no one actually does.”_

_She hesitated for a second before continuing._

_“Besides you.”_

_She saw him smile and her heart skipped a beat. She spun around and got to her feet quickly._

_“Where’re you going?”_

_“Booking a ticket!”_

_She called back at him and collected her laptop from the chair in the corner where she had dumped her cloths and backpack. She returned to the bed and fired up the computer at the same time as she reached out for the sheet to wrap around herself. Norman however protested at once._

_“Don’t even think about it. I’ve been going crazy not seeing you for the past month and I’ve hated you so fucking much and missed you at the same time. I need you to stop doing this, Jess. Please.”_

_“Are you asking me to apologize?”_

_“What difference will that make? You don’t regret doing it anyway. Who the hell was he?”_

_“I don’t remember. What fucking difference does that make now? It’s done. It won’t happen again.”_

_She could tell he didn’t believe a word she was saying but still he nodded back at her. She knew she would do it again. She would cheat on him, or whatever it was that she did when she turned to another man. If she would’ve known what her actions back in October would cost her in the year to come, she would never as much as have looked at Marcus though._

_8 hours later she was touching down in the state of Georgia, the place that had become her second home. She was so familiar with the airport and the city of Atlanta that she found her way around in her sleep. She caught the first cab she could find and although the driver gave a complaining groan when being asked to drive as far as Senoia, he quickly change his mind when she told him what she would pay him in the next heartbeat._

_She leaned back, increased the volume on her iPhone and closed her eyes to the sound of Michael Jackson’s “You rock my world”._

_Norman rocked her world. Turned it upside down and made it spin 100 miles/hour all at the same time. She really wanted to make things work with him and she hoped that she could this time around. She was in a pretty good place mentally at the moment, which meant they could probably give it another try. The horrible month of September that always made her lose her mind was behind her and she was even looking forward to celebrating Christmas. With him._

_She made her way up the front porch and got the key out of her handbag as the automatic light turned on outside the door. Most of the house was in darkness as she knew he was still on set and would be for a few more hours._

_“Hey, buddy.”_

_Eye came to meet her at the door and jumped up against her leg the moment she kicked her shoes off and dropped her bag. She picked up the black cat and went about the house to turn on a few lights, while having him buffing her in the face, demanding to be petted._

_“I’ve missed you, bud.”_

_She settled in front of the TV with the cat on her chest and spoiled him with enough cuddles to even satisfy the most spoiled cat in the world. Having him purring close to her ear, however made her drift off to sleep in no time._

_She woke up by a pair of familiar hands gently sliding her sweats down her legs, closely followed by a pair of even more familiar lips. Behind her closed lids she felt wide awake as his hands graced her lower stomach. He hitched his fingers inside her panties and with quick movements removed them from her body. Her breathing picked up and her fists clinched into balls around the sheets. She had no idea how she had gotten into the bed but she assumed he had simply carried her into the bedroom while she was deeply asleep._

_“I promised you I’d make you scream in seconds.”_

_He said before beginning an insane insult on her pussy. His tongue moved fast and hard over her clit while his finger teased her insides. Now and then he altered with running his secret weapon down to both her holes and back up again. When he worked 4 fingers inside her, she began to scream as her orgasm tore through her every cell. And when the wetness of her orgasm helped him work her open further and he pushed his entire hand inside her, she stopped screaming and tried to find her breath. She somehow managed to push herself up on her elbows and looked down on him, gasping hard. He looked back at her from between her legs, his hand still inside her, only moving a finger and tapped at just the right spot._

_“Hey, babe.”_

_He smirked at her when he spoke. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head for a second and she wasn’t able to replay to his words. Carefully he started to move his hand out of her and eased himself inside again. His big hand stretched her open wide and it was the perfect combination of pain and pleasure that she loved. When she dropped her gaze back to the man pleasing her, he leaned down and put her tongue to her swollen clit. She whimpered and fell back against the pillows when he began to fuck her with amazing rhythm and she knew she was in for a long night and a lot more times of hitting her absolute high._

_When he suddenly stopped pleasing her, she realized what he wanted from her and she also knew he would be able to bring her to it. Brining her to fountain orgasms was something they had worked on together, trying different techniques and positions. It always worked when they had spent time apart and especially when he was pissed at her. He wanted to punish her and so he would deny her to cum._

_Difference was that she really wanted him to do it this time. She welcomed the frustration that he built up in her and the intense pleasure made her forget everything else but just the two of them. They were the only 2 people in the world that mattered and she didn’t give a fuck about anyone else. Sweat was breaking out all over body and she felt the familiar feeling coming closer for each second that he kept pleasing her then stop and start again when he thought enough time had passed._

_It amazed her how well he knew her body. Sometimes she wondered if he even knew it better than she did herself. She felt him pull his hand out all the way the second before she felt her entire body contract in what she knew would be a violent orgasm. His tongue made contact with her clit one last time before she felt him pull away and she squirted and screamed out her pleasure, arching her back to the heavens. Again and again her orgasm cost her to realize another wave of wetness and Norman prolonged the pleasure by caressing her pulsing pussy just where she wanted him._

_She was dazed for minutes afterward. The man by her legs were just a blurry blob that drifted in and out of focus. She felt his feather light fingers caressing her legs, hips and belly. Still not fully aware of her own body or her lover she felt his firm hand around her hips and he attempted to turn her over. She obliged and prompted herself up on her knees before he could ask or try to do what she knew he wanted. He moaned when she spread her knees apart and pushed herself back against him. She returned the moan quickly when she felt his hard cock poke her._

_“You need to pull your shit together, J and fuck me.”_

_His voice was low but harsh when he bent down over her and grabbed the back of her head and tugged. She whimpered but his words helped her focus again and she pushed herself up on her forearms and tilted her head to one side. She finally saw him clearly and she found him standing behind her, slowly stroking himself, waiting on her. Once they locked eyes, he steady himself behind her and tightened the hold around himself, while she moved her hips in one well practiced move and he was inside her ass before he could even begin to think about another way of punishing her._

_Not that she saw this treatment as punishment, she was in fucking heaven and she loved every second if it!_

_\-----------------------------------_

_She woke up when she rolled over and something hard got stuck under her hip. Annoyed and without opening her eyes, she reached down the tugged whatever it was away from her under her body. She heard Norman giggle somewhere in the room as the dildo hit the floor with a thud and the vibration on the thing started. She groaned and buried her head deeper into the pillow but she didn’t have to listen to the buzzing for more than a few seconds. She heard him walk across the floor, pick it up and turning it off before placing it on the bedside table. She turned her head to the other side when he crawled into bed with her and once he was lying beside her, she opened her eyes and found him looking back at her. In one quick move, he removed the cover from her and exposed her naked body underneath._

_After spending time apart he always wanted to be able to watch her naked a lot more than usual. He had asked her to spend the entire day without cloths sometimes and she of course had honored his request without second thought. She loved the power she held over him just by simply being naked._

_“Slept ok?”_

_He asked and began caressing her ass and lower back. She nodded and sighed a little._

_“Yeah, very good. You?”_

_“Extremely good. I’m glad you came back.”_

_He leaned in and kissed her gently._

_“Me too.”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too. You’re not working today?”_

_“I am but it’s a night shoot so I won’t have to leave for another 4 hours. Do you want to come?”_

_“Do you want me to come?”_

_“Always.”_

_“Andy is going to murder me.”_

_“Probably but since when do you care about Andy?”_

_“I don’t want to come between you. I know he hates me and that you fight-“_

_“Andy doesn’t hate you, Jess. He could never hate you. He just doesn’t agree with… Everything you do, I guess. He doesn’t get it, he never has.”_

_“Who the hell gets it?”_

_“No one. But they don’t have to, right? It’s between you and me, fuck everyone else. I called you, right? I want you to be here, I’ve missed you.”_

_“So I’ll be there.”_

_“Thank you… Marcus, huh?”_

_She groaned and turned her gaze away from him._

_“Do we honestly have to talk about this? Nothing fucking happened.”_

_“Yeah, cause he’s still here.”_

_“I thought he got killed off.”_

_“Yeah but he’s going to be there tonight and I need to know nothing’s going to happen.”_

_“Of course not! I’ll stay the fuck away from him if that’s what you want.”_

_“Yes please.”_

_She snorted and slowly looked back at him again._

_“Really?”_

_She asked, a smile starting to play at the corner of her mouth. It was rare for him to admit to her that he was jealous. He rolled his eyes at her when she smirked._

_“Oh, fuck you, J.”_

_He turned firmly to his back and crossed his arms over his chest, his face turning grumpy. She laughed and moved on top of him after forcing his arms away from his chest and up over his head instead._

_“Are you jealous, Mr. Reedus?”_

_“You know a got a fucking reason to be.”_

_“And you know there’s no one besides you for me. Not really.”_

_“So why the fuck do you-“_

_“Not right now, Norman. Please, not now.”_

_She begged quickly when he once more wanted to have a serious talk about what the fuck they were doing and what they should do with their future. Was there a future for them at all? She wasn’t ready for this. She just wanted to love him and having him love her at the moment. She needed him to just spoil her with words and actions of love and the best thing was that she knew, he would. He looked back at her for a moment, studying her closely. Maybe looking for another way around to what he wanted. Finally, he nodded and grabbed the side of her head before kissing her._

_“Ok, we don’t have to talk about it.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_“Just say it.”_

_“Say what?”_

_“Tell me you love me.”_

_“I love you, Norman. You know I love you and I’m sorry that I hurt you. Is there anything I can do to do make it up to you?”_

_“Don’t do it again.”_

_“Ok.”_

_“And…”_

_He broke of, smirking at her as she felt him push his hips up against her. She smirked right back when she realized what he wanted her to do. It was only fare after the treatment he had put her through the night before after all._

_“Oh, I’ll suck your dick so fucking good you’ll see stars, baby.”_

_She said and begin kissing her way down his body. She was in quiet a hurry though and Norman even giggled lightly when she moved over his nipples with two quick kisses and headed straight for his erection._

_“I always do.”_

_He said. She took a deep breath, grabbing his cock in one hand and kissed the top before looking up at him. He looked straight back at her but closed his eyes and threw his head back when she closed her lips around the head._

_\--------------------------------_

Jess’s back. Be nice!

_Andy received the text from Norman just as he parked the car at today’s location. He grabbed the phone and read it on the way to the trailer. He stopped however when he saw the text and cursed loud enough for a few crew members to jump a little._

Are u sure that’s what u want?

Yes!

Ok, I’ll be nice then

Good. See u soon

_If he was to be honest he knew this day would come. He was even surprised it had taken Norman so long to reach out to her. His best friend had been sulking for the past two weeks. For whatever fucked up reason, he missed the bitch that had broken his heart more times than Andy could count._

_And although he really wanted to punch the bitch in the face, it was something so familiar and satisfying with seeing them together again. It was the way it was supposed to be when she jumped out of the truck right after Norman and followed him. They looked good together, they always had. Andy even managed to smile when he saw the woman again. Mostly because she looked happy for once. Her beautiful eyes rarely smiled but this late autumn evening, the green eyes sparkled just a little bit._

_“Hey, Jess.”_

_“Hi, Andy.”_

_“Nice to see you again. How are you?”_

_Neither of them made any attempt to hug or greet each other in any other way. She had fucked up too much this time and he knew she knew that and hopped she felt bad about it for once._

_“I’m good, thanks. What about you?”_

_“I’m good. Getting ready to finish this though, want to go home, you know?”_

_“Yeah, I beat.”_

_“Have you been back in New York all this time?”_

_“Mostly, yes but I spend some time in L.A. with Sean and his family too.”_

_Andy rose both eyebrows in surprise. This was news to him, Norman hadn’t mentioned a word about this. But then it hit him that they probably hadn’t talked to each other at all since she left. When he looked over at the older, he didn’t seem surprised though._

_“Sean, huh?”_

_Andy wasn’t able to hide the skeptical tone in his voice when he spoke, making Jessie narrowing her eyes at him._

_“Yes!”_

_She snarled without another explanation and walked past him with quick steps and head towards Norman’s trailer._

_“Really, Andy? Did you have to piss her off the first thing you do?”_

_“I didn’t fucking say anything.”_

_Norman sighed but seemed to decide to drop it for now and Andy quickly moved on in an attempt to make him forget about his mistake._

_“So when did she get back?”_

_“Last night. I called her yesterday morning. Well, texted her at first but then… Yeah, it ended in a phone call.”_

_The secretive smile on his face made Andy roll his eyes to the heavens. He knew he would be in for yet another steaming tail about what they had done. Barley had they made it into Andy’s trailer where coffee was waiting for them, before Norman broke into speech._

_\----------------------------------_

_“You’re my brother.”_

_Jessie wasn’t the only on behind the cameras shading a few tears when the scene unfolded in front of their eyes. She had only eyes for the two friends by the car though, she saw nothing else. It was weird because it was just as much Norman and Andy sitting there talking as Daryl and Rick. She felt such overwhelmingly proud of him for this. Both of them really but she still hadn’t warmed back up to Andy. They kept their distance from each other but remained friendly whenever they got together._

_Four days she had been staying with him and they started to find some kind of normal, whatever normal was between them. She needed this at the moment, he calmed the chaos that was always present inside her. Being on set that day made the chaos a bit more present than it had been for a while. She couldn’t really put her finger on it at first._

_He always knew what was going on with her. He knew before she knew, why she suddenly started to cry hysterical in the car on the way home. He stopped the car by the side of the road just as the first tear hit her balled up hands in her lap and reached out for her as soon as he had put the car into park._

_The speech of brothers between Daryl and Rick reminded her of her own sister. Her dead big sister. And there really was just one person in the whole world who knew that without her as much as having to say the word. Norman knew her so well and he knew she just needed to cry right now. Somehow he managed to lift her into his lap and she sat crying, crawled into a ball in his lap, for so long she forgot about time and space._

_It was completely dark all around them when she begun to gain control over her own body and mind again._

_“I was with Jenny when I first went into labor. The rest of my family was out celebrating New Year’s but I was feeling like crap the day before, kept throwing up as soon as I moved so she stayed with me. I remember I asked her not to, that I would be ok but she insisted. She was always like that, overprotected and worried all the time. We spent the evening on the couch, eating everything we could find and just watched movie after movie. I panicked when my water broke after midnight but she… I always thought she’d be the one panicking but when I did, she stayed calm. For me, you know? She knew she had to, so she did. She stayed with me through the whole thing. She and Josh were with me and I… I miss her so fucking much. Every day. I miss her every single day, in everything I do and everything that happens. I just… I just miss her. She would be like Andy, not getting this at all. And she would be so fucking pissed at me but… I guess we probably wouldn’t know each other if she had been here, huh? I wouldn’t be single and wanting to get inside your pants the second I saw you. We would be strangers, I would know who you were of course but I would just be another girl in the crowed, right?”_

_“You would never be just another girl, Jess. Not even if I didn’t know you, I would see you. You stand out from everyone else. You always have. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Is there anything I can do to help?”_

_He hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head. She sobbed quietly and buried her face in his chest and hugged him even harder back._

_“You’d enough right now.”_

_“We’re still stopping at the grocery store to get a tone of pizza and ice cream and we can spend the rest of the night in bed eating and catching up on Game of Thrones.”_

_She chuckled and gave him a final squeeze before pulling away to look up at him. She found him looking back at her and he reached out for her face and whipped away the lingering tears on her cheeks._

_“My mistake, you actually could make things better. Thank you.”_

_She straightened up and kissed him._

_“It’s what I’m here for. I love you, remember?”_

_“I know. You really shouldn’t but thank you. I love you too.”_

_“Hey…”_

_He grabbed her hand when she moved back to her seat. She turned back to him and he grabbed her face, forcing her to really focus on him._

_“I’ll always love you, Jessie. Nothing’s going to change that, ever. Ok? I’ll always be there if you need me. Remember that.”_

_She watched him for a moment, trying to understand why he suddenly felt the need to tell her this. He was the more emotional one of the two but this was something he hadn’t told her in a very long time. Mostly because he knew he really didn’t have to. She didn’t know what to answer him so she just nodded and hoped that he wasn’t expecting her to tell him the same. She would always love him but not once had she been able to tell him that. She was too afraid of losing him which was pretty fucked up because she knew he would never leave her but she was too emotional damaged to allow herself to have someone like him in her life. She was too afraid of waking up and find that he was no longer by her side. Just like her family had been there one day and then gone the next._

_\---------------------------------_

_It was amazing what a difference a day make. Just one day. 12 fucking hours later and everything had changed from eating junk in bed and having sex like animals for hours to absolute chaos. At least in her mind._

_She had been too wrapped up in herself and worried too much about what her mistake with Marcus and that other guy that she had failed to notice the change in him. But as she received and signed a package from a UPS guy while Norman was in the shower, the pieces started to fall into place. It was the lipstick kiss at the corner of the box that caught her attention at first. His fan mail never made it to his private address so she knew it had to be from someone else._

_He had been distant with her since she got back. He probably thought he hadn’t but when she started to put two and two together, she realized it hadn’t been the same as all the other times they got back together again. The first night had but not after that. He had been too nice, too sweet and always wanting to make sure she knew he loved her. He never did that. Especially not when she had been fucking someone else and left because of it. He would be pissed. Missing her and loving her yes, but always a little bit pissed. And he had been distracted a lot more than usual by his phone, texting someone and walking away to answer a call. He had never walked away from her to answer a call before._

_The square box contained dozens of photos. Mostly polaroid photos in black and white but others were in color. And they all had the same motive; a young model with warm brown hair and gorgeous body, which she wasn’t at all shy to show off. Every picture had a short message on it, saying things like ‘Miss you’, ‘Can’t wait to see you again’, ‘XOXO’ and ‘I wish you were here’._

_And Jessie’s heart stopped beating. Not actually physical stopped beating but the part that belonged to him stopped right there and she needed to get out before she did and said things to him that she didn’t mean and he didn’t deserve. She had always known this was a possibility and it had happened before. There was another girl in his life and she shut down, turned every emotion off in an effort to protect herself._

_The first reaction she had when seeing the pictures and finally realizing what had been gnawing at the back of her head, was anger. She was furious at herself for missing all the signs that had been there for the past days._

_“What’re you doing?”_

_She collected her bag from the closet and began packing the things she needed to bring back to New York. It wasn’t much and the bag wasn’t even full when he was done in the shower and caught her in the closet._

_“I’m going back to New York.”_

_“Now?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I just need to get some things done and you’re wrapping in just a few days anyway so…”_

_“I thought you wanted to stay for the wrap party.”_

_He made no attempt to stop her, instead he helped her lift the bag and place it on the bed before collecting her laptop and charger._

_“Thanks.”_

_She took them and placed it in the bag._

_“You don’t have to leave.”_

_“Yeah… Yeah, I do.”_

_“Did anything happen? I thought we were ok.”_

_“We are. We’re fine, Norm. Which is probably a good reason for me to leave, don’t you think?”_

_“If that’s what you want.”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“I can drive you to the airport.”_

_“That’s fine, I’ve already called a cab.”_

_“Ok.”_

_He gave her a crocked smile, touch her face softly and walked out of the bedroom to leave her packing the last. Quickly she took what she needed from the bathroom and zipped the bag closed at the same time as she saw headlight making their way up the front of the house._

_She put on her jacket and one of Norman’s million hats, threw the bag over her shoulder and headed straight for the front door. She developed some kind of tunnel vision and was able to focus only on the front door but she wasn’t able to tune out his voice._

_“Is this the reason you’re fucking leaving?”_

_At the corner of her eye she saw him sitting in the kitchen with the box of pictures at his hands. Without turning to look at him, she got her shoes on and opened the door._

_“No, I just gotta go.”_

_“You’re fucking coward, Jessie, you know that? Why is it so fucking hard for you to fight for something for once? Fight for me?!”_

_“Because I could never win.”_

_She pulled the hood up on the jacket against the cold wind and walked through the door, shutting it hard in the middle of another sentence she didn’t hear him yell._

                                            ----------------------------

Jessie was having flashbacks to the first time she had seen one of Norman’s ex-girlfriends. They came at night and usually interrupted another dream. It was weird that she could remember so much about that time when months before and after was a complete blur. But she remembered Cecilia very clearly.

“Bad dream?”

She looked across the baby nest and the sleeping infant and found Mingus looking back at her. They had spent the evening watching a movie while he had feed his little sister and apparently both of them had fallen asleep.

“No, not really bad, just weird. I guess I won after all.”

She said, mostly to herself and ran a careful finger over the beautiful little girl’s head. She moved a little at her mother’s touch but never woke up.

“What did you win?”

“Everything.”

“You know, you’ve gotten a lot more emotional since Melodi was born. It’s… Weird, but in a very good way, to see this sentimental side of you.”

“Yeah I know. It’s weird to me too. I never thought we’d come this far, I never would’ve thought your dad had the patience for it.”

“I knew.”

“What do you mean?”

Jessie spun around to her belly and pushed herself up on her forearms so better to be able to look at the young man beside her.

“I remember when we were in Florida back in, what? 2010?”

“Yeah it was in 2010.”

“That’s when I knew he would never give you up. I mean, I know I really didn’t get it back then, you were just a friend of my dad’s but I remember thinking to myself that you would be there. One way or the other, dad would never give you up.”

“He did though.”

“You mean back when he was dating Cecilia…? Come on, Jess he never really give you up even then, you know that.”

“I keep having flashbacks of her.”

“Why? Why waste your energy on that shit?”

“I can’t help it. She…She contacted me last week, wrote me an PM on Instagram.”

Mingus sat bolt upright and started at her with wide eyes.

“She what?”

“Yeah, congratulated us on Melodi and some other stuff.”

“Why would she do that? I didn’t know she was still in contact with dad.”

“She’s not. As far as I know anyway. It was a bit weird but then I’ve had about a dozen people telling me they’re my relatives just to get in on the action, you know? I don’t know what her agenda was, maybe she really just wanted to say congratulations but it the timing seems a bit weird. Right? Or am I just getting paranoid?”

“Did you replay?”

“No, not yet. Why would she reach out to me and not Norman? I was screwing her boyfriend for fuck’s sake. Why would she be nice to me? I wasn’t nice to her. Ever. I fucking laughed at her behind her back and she knew it.”

“Again, this is something you need to talk to dad about… Honestly, do I’ve to be the responsible adult in this household and make sure you talk to each other everytime?”

The annoyance and amusement in Mingus’s voice had a perfect mixture and Jessie stated to laugh, trying to hit him but he danced out of her reach.

“Well, if you’re the adult in this household, you’re doing laundry today, right?”

“Fuck no! I’m taking care of my baby sister and you can do all the laundry you want, Mrs. Reedus.”

“Fine.”

Jessie sighed, knowing she would never get the teenager to change his mind. She got to her feet and started collecting all the dirty cloths she could find.

“But if you want your own cloths and sheets washed, you’ll have to get them into the laundry room by yourself.”

“You mean now?”

“No, tomorrow when I’m done with laundry…! Yes, Mingus now.”

“It’s like 8 am.”

“So? I’ve like 4 loads to do, it will take all damn day.”

“I changed my mind, I don’t want to be the adult in this household.”

Mingus complained but left the bed and seconds later the room and she heard him stomp his big feet all the day down the stairs.

“Who the hell does?”

She asked herself quietly before making sure Melodi was still asleep and left for the laundry room with her arms full.


	5. Confessions and confrontations

“Are you sure about this?”

Norman looked at his son long and hard, searching for the slightest sign of hesitation or worry. He found none. Mingus looked back at him with the same calm he always had.

“Yes! For the hundred time, I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Leave him be, babe. If the kid says he’s fine, he’s fine. Thank you, Mingus.”

Jessie gave Melodi to her big brother, kissed them both and walked off to the front door but was forced to stop when Norman still hadn’t moved a muscle.

“How can you be so fucking calm about this?!”

He turned to his wife with a mixture of frustration and worry. Jessie sighed but managed to keep her annoyance to herself. Instead she walked back to her family and grabbed Norman’s face between her hands and kissed him.

“What was that? Was that supposed to help?”

“Yeah but I can see it didn’t… Come on, Norm I really want to do this. We need this, you know that.”

“Yeah, dad you need to go out on a date. You haven’t been alone on a real date since you guys went to the Bahamas for God’s sake. I’ll be fine, dad, I promise. You’re going to Midtown, not fucking Russia.”

“You know where we’re going?”

This fact seemed to calm him down and Jessie was quick to fill him in.

“Yes. He knows where we’re going. I gave him the contact information to the restaurant just in case. Not that he’s going to need it, giving we both have two phones and Tim and Cookie are both going to be there. But I thought it would help you calm down. She has just eaten and pooped through all the cloths she had on, she’ll be fine.”

“And I know how to change a diaper, dad if it should happen. I’ll just keep her busy for another hour or two, give her some formula and she’ll be out for the night. Mom’s on call too if that makes you feel any better.”

“Really? She is?”

He looked between her and Mingus and Jessie nodded.

“Yes! I’ve talked to Helena, she might even come over later if she can.”

To her relief, she saw that he finally started to calm down. He gave a big sigh and walked closer to his children. He bent and kissed Melodi’s head and hugged Mingus tightly.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Try not to worry so much. I know it’s the first time but I swear to you, we’ll be fine. I’ll call you if I need you guys to get back, I promise and it’s like a 15-minute car ride if it would happen.”

“Well, it’s not. They’ll be fine, Norman. Please, can we go now? I really need some husband/wife quality time. Please?”

She tried to gently tug at his hand. He responded after a second, took one final look at the kids and followed her. At the door, he stopped and helped her get her jacket on before putting his own on. When she opened the door, he hesitated once more and stopped to look back at them. Mingus was already on the floor, playing with Melodi on her baby gym.

“I love you.”

“We love you too, dad. Have fun and don’t worry about us.”

“I’ll try. Call!”

“I promise.”

Mingus called back without looking up at his father. At first she thought it’d annoy him but it had the opposite effect and he actually turned to her and smiled.

“Ok, let’s go.”

He said and took her hand and they left the apartment for their first ever date as parents. It was Valentine’s day after all and it also happened to be their 4-month anniversary. It had been his suggested but when he had asked, he had expected them to bring Melodi as well. Mingus had been the one telling them to leave her with him, saying they needed some alone time. It took Mingus a good 2 days to convince both of them that he would be perfectly fine alone with her. Jessie had been the easiest one to convince but Norman still didn’t feel 100 % comfortable with leaving. He knew he was being overprotected and a silly but she was still so tinny. He had complete faith in Mingus but some part of him still didn’t like the fact that he took on so much responsibility. But then there wouldn’t be another person he would even consider leaving his daughter with for an entire evening.

And they needed this. So bad. The only times they had managed to be alone together were the few times they had sneaked away to have quick sex. Dinner just the two of them where there was no time limit because Melodi either needed to eat or sleep was a luxury they still hadn’t taken the time to enjoy. Jessie had reminded him that they needed to be more than just parents. She needed to be more than just a mother. It reminded him of that one time when she had yelled at him about needing to be more than just Mrs. Norman fucking Reedus and he had gotten so pissed he spent a few nights at Andy’s. He really didn’t want to experience the same thing again so he tried his best to place his worry at the back of his head and focus entirely on his wife 

She stepped into the elevator before him and he got a chance to watch her probably for the very first time. He staggered to a halt outside the doors and it made her jerk in her step as they were still holding hands. Confused she turned around and tugged at his hand.

“What?”

He stood stock still and looked her over and over again and he actually made her blush. He couldn’t remember ever making her blush.

“It’s the same dress you wore when we first met.”

He finally found his voice.

“Well, yeah not the same, same cause I can’t fit into a size 6 anymore but I found this after a lot of digging and it-“

“You look amazing.”

She actually blushed again and he lost it and charged right at her, grabbing her head hard between both hands and shoved her against the back of the elevator and kissed her. Her ‘thank you’ got lost somewhere in between lips and tongues exploring, hands tugging and feeling each other up.

“Slow down, cowboy.”

Jessie’s giggle in his ear, made Norman come to his senses again and realized his hand was making its way up her leg, removing the dress as it went.

“No…”

He whimpered when he felt her grabbing his head, forcing his kisses away from her throat and back to her lips.

“You know I love you and I ain’t scared of nothing but I really don’t want either of our naked asses to end up online.”

He heard her words but didn’t want to listen at all. However, his hand stopped its path up her fine leg and he pulled the dress back down. Instead his hand moved around her waist and he pulled her if possible even closer and entwined the other hand in her hair as the elevator door opened. He couldn’t see them but somehow he picked up on the sound of photographers. He slowed his kisses and finally pulled away after kissing her gently one last time. His finger lingers on her face and he ran his thumb over her swollen lips.

“You’re a fucking goddess, you know that?”

“No… I’m your fucking goddess.”

“Yes, you are.”

He took her by the chin and looked her in the eye and allowed himself to drown just a little bit in them. He would forever be thankful that Melodi had gotten her mother’s eyes instead of his. He had spent countless hours just staring into her daughter’s eyes since the day she was born. And he knew he would’ve spent years doing the same when his time was finally up.

They exit the elevator together, wrapping their arms around each other’s waists so they could be as close as possible to each other. Tim was at the front gates, holding it open for them and he saw Stacy waiting with the door open to their car.

“Evening, Tim.”

“Looking stunning as always, Jess.”

The man smiled at her and moved only one step behind them when they walked the few steps between door and car, making the time that the cameras could actually caught them, very short. It was times like these he really longed to be back in Georgia. But he forgot all about that when they were inside the car and Jessie moved right into his arms and they picked up on where they left off in the elevator.

“I love you, your crazy ass bitch…”

His hands were back in her hair again and he breathed hard against her lips when she crawled into his lap. He felt her grin against his lips before kissing him.

“Good thing you’re as crazy as I am then.”

She started to grind against him and his already hard dick welcomed the friction it created a little too much. He moaned quietly into her mouth and wondered for a second if it even was a point in asking her to stop. Just as the thought crossed his mind, her hands were working his black jeans open and she had his cock in her flick fingers.

Their foreplay and her expertise at making him want to scream made it hard for him to fight the realize he needed. She stroke her long and hard while insulting his mouth with lips and tongue and managed to get him close to the edge a lot quicker than usual. Probably because of the adrenalin flooding through him due to the exposed situation they were in. He wanted to protest and give her some sort of warning that he would ruin her dress but she was already a step ahead of him. She moved back a little bit and wrapped a tissue around him before finishing him off, swallowing his screams with a deep kiss. She wiped him clean before tucking him back into his jeans.

“Well, Mrs. Reedus I think we should do this more often.”

“Yes, please.”

She laughed at kissed him quickly, while discreetly disposed the tissue to the floor. Both Tim and Stacey was too use to their craziness to even bother anymore and they had simply engaged in a conversation in the front seat and turned up the radio while taking them through the crowded streets of New York City.

“Thank you for convincing me to do this. We need this.”

“Yes, we do.”

She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck and changed position and leaned to the door behind her. He hissed to himself when her movement graced his sensitive dick, making her giggle at him. He scowled right back.

“Come on.”

“You know you’ll get yours.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it.”

She challenged and he wanted to accept it right there and then but before his hand could move even close to her pussy, Tim turned off the radio and turned around and informed them that they had arrived at their destination. He started laughing when Jessie pouted but moved away from him. He saw her check them both for any trace of their fooling around but she couldn’t find any and nudged him to get out of the car.

“Tim’s going to be in there and I’ll hold the fort out here.”

Norman simply nodded at the man when Stacy opened the car door and he jumped out. Jessie wanted to leave them both behind but he had insisted but now he really hated that they were there. That they had to be there. He was thankful for their protection and hard work but if he had a choice, he rather not have any security at all. But that was not what their lives looked like at the moment. There had been too many death threats directed towards his wife to leave the apartment without security.

“Mr. Reedus?”

He felt Stacy move behind him as he had turned around to make sure Jessie got out of the car. The man started to say something towards the approaching fans but he quickly turned back and found a group of 2 guys and 1 girl in their late teens.

“Give me a sec.”

He said and turned back around just in time to catch Jessie’s hand as she stepped out of the car and he helped her up on the slipper curb outside the restaurant.

“Thanks.”

He saw that her eyes landed on the three teens at once and she made to walk around Stacy and head into the restaurant. He stopped her however and tugged at her hand and made her step back closer to his side.

“Miss Hamilt-Sorry, Mrs. Reedus, sorry to disturbing you guys but I really just wanted to say how much I love your books and… My dad’s a firefighter here in New York and he…I just…Wanted to say thank you.”

The young girl was really nervous and talked too fast for a normal human being when she turned to his wife. The surprise on her face only lingered for about a second before she smiled right back at the girl and reached out to hug her.

Norman saw Jessie say something to the girl but he didn’t pick up on what as the two guys had just asked for a selfie. After making sure Stacy had the situation with Jessie under control he turned his attention to them. He had gotten a lot more cautious the last couple of months when it came to the fans. Especially when he was with Jessie because some of the comments online had really freaked him out and genuine scared him. It had been easy to brush it off in the beginning but one day didn’t pass that she didn’t received a new death threat. For loving him. He would never understand why and he could never justify an action where someone claimed to be a fan of his and wanting to kill his reason for living. He knew it was a lot easier to stay behind a screen and write those sick comments but a small part of him also knew there were a lot of fucked up people out there that could make the threats real. That didn’t just stop at comments online.

They were inside the restaurant 5 minutes later and were shown to a table furthers away from the entrance, in a pretty secluded part.

“I love you.”

He slipped the jacked off her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her neck before holding out the chair for her.

“I love you too.”

She replayed, sat down and reached out for his hands the moment he sat down at the other end of the table and kissed them. He entwined their fingers and his eyes lingers on the rings on their left hands. 4 months had already passed since they got married but it really felt like they had been married for 4 years. Although there had been other women in his life he had never actually pictures himself ending up with anyone else but her in the end. She was the one he always came back to.

“What’s on your mind?”

She brought him back to the present and he realized he had probably been staring at her without actually seeing her for a while.

“Everything. Nothing. I don’t know… You, mostly I guess.”

“Is it good things? Cause you look a tad worried there.”

“Sorry… I think I just haven’t had time to wrap my mind around all of it yet. Mel was due like last week and she has already been with us for 6 weeks and… I just want to stop time I guess, everything is happening so fast. She’s growing so fast.”

“Maybe it’s time we move back home.”

A small smile of understanding played over her lips when he looked at her. The thought of going back to Georgia had been on his mind since he came back from the cruise but he hadn’t taken the time to talk to her about it yet. But she always knew what he actually wanted. Sometimes before he knew himself, it was like she could read his mind.

“Look…”

She began but got distracted when their waiter came over and offered them both a glass of champagne. Jessie started to form some kind of apology about not drinking but the waiter foretold her and assured them it was non-alcohol, order from Mr. Jackson. Jessie looked around and found Tim sitting at the bar at a very discrete but still close enough distance from their table.

Together they raised their glasses towards the man and he did the same with his glass before turning their attention back to each other. It had gotten a lot easier to tune out both Tim and Stacy for both of them. Jessie still didn’t like it of course but he knew she had started to view Tim as a part of the family. He was everywhere they were so it really wasn’t that strange after all.

“Cheers to us.”

“And to our kids.”

He added.

“Yeah, to our kids.”                 

She agreed and clinked her glass with his, took a zip and leaned over the table and kissed him. Their time apart had really did them good. They had had time to miss each other and he was extremely happy to realize she had missed him to the point where she didn’t want to keep his hands off of him. They had gotten a lot more physical the past week, not just the sex but the little things too. There were about 100 % more kisses, hugs and grabbing going on between them now and it was something he would fight hard to keep. So it was a good thing they actually took the time to do this and he was going to make sure they kept doing it.

“What were you doing to say?”

“Just that I get why you’re…I know you’re kinda torn in this, cause of Mingus and I get it but I think we need to leave New York soon. You’re getting stressed by all the paparazzi and fans and… You’re worried.”

“Of course I am worried, Jess. Especially here in the city, it’s easier when we stay in the house but being back here in Manhattan makes it all so much more real.”

“So let’s plan to get back to Georgia.”

“Ok. Yeah, it’s probably for the best. But… Mingus… I’m not sure how to break it to him.”

“Come on, Norman. Mingus knows we’re leaving. He’s a big kid, he can handle us moving cause he knows he can always visit. I’m going to miss him and Melodi too but we knew we were going back, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s still going to be hard to take her away from him.”

“Mingus will be fine.”

“I know. Well, AMC wants me in Atlanta Marsh 1st so I could drive down there with Eye and get everything settled and you could come out with Mel and Tim a few days later.”

“Sounds good…. Hey, we forgot…Cheers to you, Mr. executive producer. I know we already celebrated and I told you before but I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re going to be great.”

“I’m a little scared it’s going to be weird stepping behind the camera.”

“You’re supposed to be scared, babe. It’s a good thing.”

“I know. You’re still sure we’re going to do this?”

“We? I ain’t doing shit. With the kind of money they’re paying you, I’m just going to sit back and spend it.”

She said, laughing. His serious face loosened up at once by her laughter and he knew that was exactly what she was looking for. She always had the ability to bring him back to earth and make him not take himself too seriously. They both knew the money was the last reason he had agreed to take the job but if he was going to be honest it was a pretty sweet deal he had managed to make with AMC. 

“Yeah right… I thought, what’s her name? The owner of the dance studio? Allison, right…? I thought she wanted you back.”

“Close. Amanda. Yes, she wanted to know if I wanted to come back for the spring classes.”

“So are you?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll have to get back into the routine before I can start teaching again. It’s been a good few months since I danced.”

“We should go after dinner!”

He called out, costing a few of the other guests to look around at him but he simply reached out for her hands.

“To do what?” 

“Go dance. Well, you can dance and I’ll watch.”

She watched him for a moment and finally cracked up in a wide smile and picked up her phone. Smirking, she stated texting someone and when he asked what she was doing she just asked him to hold on a minute. The answering text came back after just a few seconds and after a minute of texting back and forth, she put the phone away and looked up at him.

“Done.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Remember that studio I took you to a few years ago?”

“You mean where I put a spell on you?”

“I’m pretty sure it was the other way around. If I remember correctly you were trembling form head to toe in the dark… Maybe I can do that again.”

“I made you tremble too.”

“You always do… Anyway, Maya has been working at a place near by for the past weeks so she’s going to drop by with the key and we can let ourselves in whenever we want later tonight.”

“You really are the right kind of freak for me, Mrs. Reedus.”

“Yes I am… Speaking of freaks, or freaky suggestions more accurate, what are we going to do about all the damn request about interviews and photoshoots? Entertainment Weekly is sending desperate pleads every day, they want to do an “at home” cover story.”

He looked at her in silence for a moment, trying to figure out what she wanted him to answer. To give himself some time to think about the answer, he asked her a question instead.

“Why do you want to do it?”

He asked and truly wanted an honest answer from her. This was something he couldn’t quiet figure out, although he knew her so extremely well. She hadn’t protested at all when EW first approached him with the idea and he had told her.

“Maybe it would make people understand a little bit better. I don’t know, I guess… It’s getting to me, more than I thought it would and I…”

She trailed off and lowered her gaze to the table as she begun to fidget with the napkin. He felt himself gape at her and he literally dropped his jaw in shock at this confession. How could he have missed this? He had thought he was the one worried about the increased amount of death threats and nasty comments online but apparently she was feeling the same. And it made him so furious he felt his blood beginning to boil inside him. She shouldn’t have to worry about anything and she shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. He should be the only one being worried, not her. Because he knew if she was worried, it usually meant something actually was about to happen.

Jessie never worried about anything or allowed anything or anyone to get under her skin. He hadn’t always liked that particular quality about her because it had gotten her into a lot of trouble through the years when she hadn’t taken the threats serious. But now he saw her sitting there right in front of him and actually looked scared for the first time he could remember.

“Hey.”

He got so alarmed by this unexpected and frankly terrifying confession from her, that he got up from his seat and got down in his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She looked back at him and smiled just a little.

“Sorry…”

“For what?”

“For choosing the wrong night to be honest with you. I mean… You know I’m always honest with you-“

“You’re just not always telling me what’s actually on your mind. You keep it to yourselves but this is something you can’t keep to yourself, Jess… If you’re so worried, why do you always throw a fit everytime we’re going out and they come along?”

He nodded his head towards Tim and Jessie turned her head and glanced over at the man before starting to laugh. Actually laughing and for a second he questioned her sanity, but then she spoke.

“Throwing a fit? Really? What am I? Your disobedient teenager?”

“You’d throw fits.”   

“Not as much as I used to.”

She said quietly and he realized as she said it, that she was right. She protested pretty much every time but the intensity had declined drastically since Melodi was born.

“I know I’ve said that I think you’re not taking this serious but right now I really just want you not to be scared.”

“I’m not scared for me, I’ve never been and never will cause I know what’s waiting for me but it’s not just me anymore. It’s not even just you and Mingus anymore. We’ve a daughter and I’d anything to keep her safe. It’s a fucked up thing really but I never realized how much scary shit there’s out there in the world until I held her in my arms. And it’s not like the shit online has gotten less aggressive.”

“So you wanna do the interview to…? What?”

“I don’t know, try to make them hate me less, I guess… I know it’s a long shot and that’s probably not going to work but if they knew… I’m not saying to spell the beans on everything but I want them to understand a little bit better. And maybe talking about it all, us, Melodi…”

He dropped his eyes to the ground and tried to compose his thoughts quickly but there were too much to process. He felt her hand on his face and he looked at her without really seeing her. She kissed him lightly and he got to his feet and resumed his placed at the table, still not able to give an answer to her suggestion.

He was struggling most with the fact of exposing Melodi to the rest of the world more than they already had. She knew this already, because they had discussed it countless times over the last couple of weeks. She agreed but not necessarily to the same level as him. For example, there still hadn’t been another photo of her on either of their social media accounts since the one he post a few days after her birth.

They ordered their food and were served it and stated to eat before he decided to speak again. It was a testament to who well they knew each other and how comfortable they were in each other’s company, that Jessie allowed him his space without pushing him for an answer. He had seen Tim squirm in his seat and looking worried when they stopped talking but Jessie had simply let him be.

“Ok, how about this…? Let’s go with the EW offer and make the interview but I don’t want us to do a photoshoot with them.”

“Alright.”

He could her a little bit of confusion in her voice and he continued before she could ask why.  

“Let Helena do it.”

“Oh.”

The confusion on her face vanished and she smiled.

“I’m not ready to have strangers getting that close to her yet.”

“That’s fine. Helena is fucking awesome so that should be great… Yeah, that’s a great idea actually, I didn’t think of that.”

“That’s because you’re not as much of a pussy as I am.”

She chuckled at his words.    

“Come on… I love that you protect her like you do. Try not to do the same in 10 years though, cause it will drive her insane.”

“If she’d get 1/10 of your independence, I’ll drive her insane before she’s two.”

“I think she’d be more like you when grows up. Independent, sure but hopefully a lot dramatic and smarter.”

“What’re you talking about? You’re the smarter one in this relationship.”

“Since when? When has anything I’ve done ever been smart? The smartest move I ever made was to stop screwing around and realizing you had been the one all along.”

“And I was smart enough to wait.”

“Stupid enough you mean.”

“I don’t feel that stupid about it now though. I’ve everything and so much more then I ever dreamed of because of you.”

“But there have been times when you wanted to murder me in my sleep, right?”

“No. I wanted to strangle you slowly when you were fully aware of it. I wanted to see the life leave your eyes.”           

He admitted, making Jessie choke on her food and start to cough and laugh all in one. Without even trying really hard he could come up with at least 5 octonions when he actually had had to stop himself from wanting to kill her on the spot. Through the years she had played with his deepest and darkest emotions so many times like none ever had before.

“Get in line.”

“No one’s going to hurt you as long as I’m around, J… And Tim’s around whenever I’m not.”

“Yeah, I guess I should give the guy a pay raise.”

“About Tim. I’m having him move into the house whenever I leave for a longer period of time when we get back to Georgia.” 

The hand that was making its way towards her mouth with the fork full of food stopped in midair and she gaped at him.

“Are you serious?”    

“Yup.”

“And you didn’t think that might be a thing we’d discuss first?”

“Nope.”

He said firmly and was pleasant surprised to find that she didn’t argue but seemed to be ok with his overprotecting side for once. She sighed and rolled her eyes a little but still smiled.

“Have you talked to Cecilia at all lately?”

It was his turn to gape at her.

“Sorry…? Why in the world would I talk to her? I haven’t seen or talked to her for years. Where did that come from?”

“She contacted me a while back.”

“You’re kidding?”

“No. She wrote me a PM in Instagram.”

“Saying what?”

She spent a few seconds on her phone before pushing it across the table for him to read.

_Hey, Jessie. I bet you wonder why I’m writing to you? I really just wanted to say congratulations to you and Norman on the birth of your daughter. The picture you shared of her was absolutely gorgeous, she’s one beautiful baby girl. Any chance I could get to see more of her? I know things didn’t end well between us but I want you to know that I don’t blame the ending of Norm and mien relationship on you. It would’ve come to an end anyway. You always were the one he was going to end up with. You really deserve each other. I hope you can stay together and make each other happy this time. Good luck with your daughter and your husband, Jessie. You better keep an eye on him. Or maybe it’s the other way around._

_Best wishes,_

_Cecilia_

He could feel the confusion on his face as surely as Jessie could see it. This was weird. Extremely fucking weird and a little bit disturbing, he had to admit that. He was sure Jessie had picked up on the subtle but clearly underlying threat from his ex-girlfriend.

“Have you replayed to this?”

“No, not yet. I’m not the only one who think this is fucking creepy, right? You see it too?” 

“Yeah, it’s… I just don’t get it. Why would she contact you and not me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m not as much of a threat?”

“To her? You gotta be kidding me? You murder her 10 times over with your fucking scowling. What you said, that you were never jealous was a load of crap, babe you know that, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Fuck that now, what the hell do we’d with this?”

“You want to write her back, don’t you?”

Despite the worry in her eyes, he could still see that determination and independence shine through and he was pretty sure she had gotten pretty pissed when first reading the message and wanting to give a very rude and angry replay. It was however a sign that she had changed and matured through the years that she actually told him and asked him what he wanted to do before she went into totally bitch mood.

“I want to kick her skinny ass!”

“Yeah, probably not the best way to approach this, babe.”

“I know but I still want to kick her ass… Do you think she’d tell anyone?”

“Depends if you decided to kick her ass or not.”

“Meaning you want me to play nice and kiss her ass with some cheesy lie about being happy to hear from her and that it was nice of her to get in touch just to say congratulations? Should I give her your love when I’m at it too?”

“Let’s not push it, Jess, ok?”

“What? You stopped loving her?”

“Come on… You know I never really loved her in the first place. I love you. Always loved you more than anyone else, everything else. Everyone else was just bleak in comparison. It wasn’t real with anyone else but you.”

“Wow, you must have a very fucked up view about what love is if you think what we had before was real.”

“Good thing we had the exact same fucked up view then, huh? Besides, you know you loved me from the start.”

“Do I?”

“Fuck yeah.”

He smirked at her and rose his glass to her and winked over the rim before drinking. She began to giggle.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I always loved you, Norman Reedus.”

She sighed and looked at him with nothing but affection in her eyes. She could still look at him like it was the first time she fell in love with him and he knew he did the same. They really were lucky to still be madly in love with each other and he could still spend hours awake just watching her sleep.

“Let’s try to do this at least once a month.”

“Deal.”

She said and held out her hand to him. He took it, kissed the knuckles and tugged at it to make her get up. She gave in, in no time and got to her feet and fell into his lap when he pulled her close. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him and before either of them could stop it or even wanting to stop it, the same level of make out scene from the elevator begun. With the exception of hands disappearing under and into cloths.

“There’s going to be an insane number of pictures online tomorrow.”

Jessie sighed deeply when she finally pulled away from his lips and spoke. He simply moved them to her neck and nibble lightly on her sweet skin, making her giggle.

“Since when do we care?”

“We don’t.”

“Good. Please don’t ever start.”

“I never have.”

He heard someone clear their throat close to them and he felt Jessie look up and the next second she was gone from his embrace and he had to take a second to refocus his brain. When he finally got over the shock and confusion, he looked up and found Jessie hugging Maya tightly. The newcomer looked down on him and grinned.

“Hey, Norman.”

“Hi.”

“It’s good to see you again. How are you?”

“Awesome, thanks. What about you? You don’t have a valentine date tonight?”

“I have, heading there now but I came to drop this off first. You know where it is, right?”

Maya turned to Jessie with her question at the same time as she handed over a keychain to his wife. She accepted it at once. 

“Between 8th and 9th, right?”

“Yeah. You can use the studio on the first or second floor. I would probably go for A on the first though if I were you.”

Jessie started to snigger when Maya spoke and it seemed she understood why but he had to ask, it got him curious.

“Why?”

“The second-floor studio has big windows that one could get caught doing things one probably shouldn’t get caught doing.”

She said, winked at them both and gave Jessie a tight hug before hurrying away again. She stopped however in the middle of a step and turned back around, grinning right at him.

“Although… I’m afraid it doesn’t have poles.”

She said in a low voice, directing her words right at him, making him blush and look down on the floor, laughing nervously.

“Oh, we’ll do just fine without’em.”

He heard Jessie say before her best friend once again tried for the exit and this time kept going. He looked up when Jessie was back in her seat again.

“Right?”

She asked and he realized she was still lingering on the pole conversation with Maya.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’d love to see you dance around that pole.”

She reached out across the table and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him close enough so she could whisper in his ear.

“How about I give you the best fucking private lap dance you’ve had in your life? You think you could work with that, Mr. Reedus?”

She bit him lightly on the earlobe and he wanted to get up from his chair and leave right away. He felt his heart begin to beat faster and his skin got flushed from the sudden heat that rushed through his veins. She turned him on so completely just by a few well-chosen words and he felt his jeans beginning to get uncomfortable tight.

“I think I would like to leave right now.”

He informed her, pulled away to finish his glass of wine and tried to locate a waiter so they could pay. When he looked around however he spotted Tim already taking care of it and he gave the man a thankful nod, making Jessie turn around as well. She caught on right away and they got to their feet at the same time.

“You drive me crazy, Mrs. Reedus.”

He walked up to her, slipped the jacket on her and let his hand linger on her fine ass long enough to give it a firm squeeze, before he moved it around her waist and pulled her to the side of his body

“That’s my job.”

She wrapped her arm around him as well and they made their way toward the front door with Tim right on their heels. Stacy was just outside with a dozen photographers that he probably already had threatened to keep their distance. Jessie leaned in close to the man and informed him where they were heading. It was apparently just a 10-minute walk to the studio from where they were.

Their walk through the streets of New York were in deed short and uneventful but the two beefy men behind and in front of them really helped keeping the curious eyes from people around them to get too close.

“You guys go and grab a beer somewhere or something.”

He could tell both men wanted to protest a little at Jessie’s directions but at least Tim had learned there was no point in arguing and he nudged Stacy with his shoulder.

“If you don’t call when you guys are ready to leave I’ll hunt you in your sleep for the rest of your life.”

“Of course-“

“I’m serious, Jess! No fucking going off on some crazy adventure on your own.”

“Tim, for fuck’s sake, I promise, I’ll call you.”

“Good. Go have fun and don’t break any bones.”

“Thanks, dad.”

He saw her roll her eyes a little at the man when she turned and walked inside the building. He knew however that her words had just a little bit of truth in them. Tim had grown to be the first ever father figure she had had in her life since losing her own and she trusted him just as much as she trusted the rest of her family.     

Broadway dance center was completely deserted and dark when they made their way into the ground floor, passed the welcoming area and small shop and straight into studio A. It amazed him every single time he saw Jessie enter a dance studio or theater. It was something about her that changed the moment she put her foot on a space that was created for her passion of dance.

“I’m guessing you’ve been here before?”

“A few times.”

She stopped inside the door, took her jacket and shoes off and headed straight for the media center like she did the same thing everyday. The lights came on in the studio and he took a look around. No poles. He hadn’t expected any but still felt just a little bit disappointed.

He followed her example and took shoes and jacket off and stepped on to the white floor and pulled the door shut after him.

“Give me a Michael Jackson song.”

He blinked at her when she spoke, looking down on the phone in her hand while scrolling. His mind went completely blank at her request and not one song came to mind.

“Hmm… I can’t come up with one.”

“Really?”

“Sorry… Wait! “They don’t care about us.”

She looked up from the phone and gave him a smile that made him weak at the knees.

“Alright.”

He wanted to ask if that really was a good song for a lap dance but he knew better than that. He would have to wait just a little bit to get his hands on her. She hadn’t had the chance to dance for almost three months and she needed this, so he walked up to one of the big concrete pillars in the center of the room and sat down with his back to it. 

She stepped up in front of the mirror wall and took the first steps as the music blasted out from the speakers. Very quickly though, she stopped and he could make out a frustrated look upon her face. When she spotted him however, she smirked and licked her lips before reached behind her and unzipped the dress and slid it down her body. He tried to say something but his words got stuck in his throat when she bent forward and picked up the dress from the floor, deliberate shaking her ass just enough for him to feel his dick jump in his pants. His eyes popped open and he moaned quietly to himself when she took a wide step apart and all she was wearing after getting rid of what stopped her from moving freely, was a black strapless sports bra and black boxer shorts.

“Close your mouth, baby.”

His eyes snapped away from her lower body towards her face when she spoke. She winked at him when their eyes met and he did indeed close his mouth.

“Can I shoot you?”

He asked quickly and picked up his phone before she found the right beat. He saw her give him a quick nod as she began counting to herself and seconds later she was moving across the floor like not a day had passed since the last time she did this.

_I don't care what you talkin' 'bout baby_ __  
I don't care what you say  
Don't you come walkin' beggin' back mama  
I don't care anyway

He smiled to himself when the very fitting song of _Leave me alone_ filled the speakers and he got the insane impulse to give a big ‘fuck you’ to everyone who had ever said a mean thing about his reason for living. She seemed to grasp what his attentions were because she finished the whole thing with turning straight to him and the phone in his hand and flipped him off with both hands. The gestured made him burst out laughing and he pressed stopped on the phone a few seconds after she walked straight up to him and bent to kiss him hard.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

He replayed. She straightened up and turned her back to him. He couldn’t help himself but slapped her ass hard, making her moan and turn around to look at him with slightly glassy eyes. Her eyes told him she was just as horny as he was at the moment but they both knew they were going to drag this out a little bit more.

While she turned on the third song for the night, he turned to his editing app on his phone and began to work on an extremely private and extremely rare edit for his social media followers. After uploading the video to his YouTube channel, he posted a throwback picture to one of the earliest pictures he could find of them on Instagram with the link to the video attached and thought long and hard about what he wanted to say.

He felt the need to defend his wife but at the same time he didn’t want to make things worse. It was a fine line he was treading on.

_Jessie, my first, my last, my everything. For a decade you’ve been one of the best things in my life and nothing could ever change that. For the past weeks people who claim to be my fans, fans of the show, whatever, has made insane comments and threats towards the woman that is my entire world. I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am today if it wasn’t for Jessie. Stop with the hate please. All I want is for our precious baby girl to grove up in a world that’s full of love and respect. All your hate is unfounded. I’ve always been a believer in speaking the truth so please believe me when I say that this woman has made me a better man and taught me so much about myself through the years. Jessie always has and will always have my best interested at heart._

_Today marks our 4-month anniversary as married and there’s no place I rather be than by your side baby. Fuck the rest of the world, it’s you and me against the world and by the incredible words of the late Mr. Bowie:_ _If you say run_ _I'll run with you_ _, a_ _nd if you say hide_ _w_ _e'll hide_ _, b_ _ecause my love for you_ _w_ _ould break my heart in two_ _i_ _f you should fall into my arms_ _a_ _nd tremble like a flower_ _._ _I love you @jessiereedus to Neptune and back and you’re the most amazing mother to our daughter._

_Ps. And the sexiest fucking dancer ever… XOXO_

It had to be the longest post he had ever put together and he read it through both once and twice before he pressed post. There was no turning back now. Just as he put his phone away and turned his full attention back to his wife, he noticed that she was standing in the middle of the floor, holding on to the backrest of a chair and looking straight at him. His heart started to beat franticly in his chest and his jeans started to get extremely tight. Without word’s she beckoned him with both hands and he got up on shaking legs. The first soft piano tunes of _I put a spell on you_ reached him the moment he sat down. She had decided to go for the more recent version with Annie Lennox though but he couldn’t care less what song that played. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her glittering, sweaty body as she slowly stated to make her way around and onto him.


	6. Panic

The first thing he did when they got back to the quiet and dark apartment, was to head straight to their bedroom to make sure Melodi was where she was supposed to be. She went for Mingus first instead as he was asleep on the couch with the TV still on. She sat down by his head and gently removed some hair from his face. He stirred and slowly opened his eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hi. You really shouldn’t be sleeping out here.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 2.”

“Are you serious? What have you been doing this long?”

“I’ve been dancing.”

She felt herself grin from ear to ear as she said it and Mingus probably saw it too because he turned to smile at her.

“Good. I’m glad you guys had a great time.”

“It was fucking awesome. So thank you, Mingus. Really, thank you. How did it go?”

“I’m asleep, she’s asleep, have been for more than 4 hours now. Everything has been just fine. She got really cranky when I took too long to make her formula but other than that, no fuss whatsoever. She fell asleep after eating and I put her in the stroller bassinet, like dad did last night.”

“Ok, good. Go to sleep, Mingus. In your own bed.”

“Alright.”

He pushed himself up to a sitting position just as his father came back from the bedroom, cradling Melodi to his chest.

“Thank you.”

“No problem, dad. Glad I can help. Good night. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night. I love you.”

“Love you too, dad.”

“Love you, Mingus.”

She said and got to her feet as well and watched as Mingus made his way to his room.

“Love you too, Jess.”

He said as he closed the door behind him and all that could be heard after that was Melodi slowly waking up and beginning to fuss.

“She’s sleeping in our bed tonight.”

He said and hugged the girl even tighter to his chest. Jessie knew there was no point in arguing but she still walked up to him and shook her head at him. Yet she melted inside everytime she saw them together. Her family. Her perfect little family.

“Fine.”

She gave him a quick kiss on the way past him and headed for the kitchen to make herself a nighttime snack before bed. Norman asked her to make him one too with his back turned to her. She was pretty sure he would be making his way back to the bedroom and keep cuddling their daughter in bed.

Jessie grabbed some turkey, cheese and tomatoes from the fridge before turning to the pantry to get some bread. She couldn’t find any though and cursed Mingus quietly when she found an empty bag on the counter She got lucky though and there was a new loaf in the freezer. While waiting on the microwave to finish she scrolled through Instagram. The second post that popped up though, stopped her from keep going. The picture her husband had posted was unfamiliar to her and she studied it for a while before remembering when and where it was from. The picture was from their very first period together, back in the early fall of 2006. He had changed more than she had since then. His hair was long, although not as long as at the moment, but with a lot lighter brown color and he was almost clean shaven. He looked a lot less troubled with not a care in the world. Not like now.

The past 10 years had really marked him in more ways than just his physical appearance. Back then he hadn’t worried about anything else but what new sexual adventure they could find. She missed his carefree attitude. Now there was always a hint of concern in his eyes when he looked at her. It hadn’t been there before, he had trusted her completely that she could take care of herself. Back then he had admired her independence and how she never relied on anyone but herself. She noticed she was crying when the first tears suddenly landed on the screen. For what reason, she wasn’t really sure. But as she wiped the tears from the smiling faces of their 10 years younger self’s, she wished everything was as simple as it had been back then.

                                            ----------------------------------

_@ceciliasingley, thank you for your kind words. We really appreciate it :)_ _she really is a beautiful little thing and I’m really blessed to have her and Norman in my life. They’re my family and family’s forever, right? For the time being we’ve decided not to share any more pictures of our daughter on any social media. I’m glad to see that you’re doing so well for yourself, traveling and making memories I’m sure. Take care of yourself and good luck with whatever you’ve going on in your life. Best wishes from the both of us/ Mr. and Mrs. Norman Reedus_

Jessie rewrote a replay to Cecilia 5 time over before she finally decided it had to do. The first drafts she had done had been a lot more hostile and with a lot more curses involved but Norman had asked her to play nice and this had to count as nice enough. She wanted to make quiet sure the intruder knew that she made a big mistake in thinking she could mess with her family though. It was them against the world, just like Norman had wrote earlier in the week on his Instagram. His very unexpected and unusual display of affection towards her had crashed both hers and his own accounts on Twitter and Instagram for almost an hour. She had gotten pleasant surprised when it had gotten more likes, retweets and comments than anything he had ever post before. Of course, not all comments were nice but they never had been and she hadn’t expected it.

“Jess, come on! We’re waiting!”

Norman suddenly called from somewhere in the house. She put the phone down, leaving it on the desk and hurried towards the front door. They were back in the house and Norman had suggested they’d take Melodi for a walk. He had changed her and made her ready for the colder weather while she finished her message to Cecilia.

“Sorry. Got caught.”

“You were nice, right?”

“I’m always nice.”

She said, pulled on her booths, jacket and hat. When she was done, she found Norman looking back at her, holding on to the stroller and she halted.

“What?”

“Nothing… I love you.”

He said and kissed her before opening the door and carefully pushed the stroller over the threshold. She followed him and side by side they made their way down the drive and continued out onto the road.

Jessie got lost in thought about the past as they kept walking and everything around them were so quiet. She had done the same a lot lately, getting flashbacks and memories she didn’t even knew she still had of her family and her first years with Norman. It started to get to her more and more each day that passed, how much she really wished for things to go back to normal. Not that it had ever been normal with him but as normal as it could be between them. Before Walking Dead, before Daryl Dixon, before he got too popular and noticeable for his own good. She wouldn’t change anything in their past but their lives had been so much easier before she talked him into addition for AMC.

“When’s your last episode?”

“March 26th. Why?”

He stopped all of a sudden and she did the same. She had tried to hide the tremble in her voice but she was sure he had picked up on it anyway. He turned straight to her when he stopped and looked at her. There it was again. The worried frown he had on his face everytime he looked at her nowadays.

“I’m thinking it might be a good idea to… Not be around.”

“What are you-“

“I’ve already talked to Sean and he invited me to come stay with him in Texas for a few days. Well, us. I’m taking Melodi with me obvious.”

“Why? I don’t want you to leave.”

“It’s going to be insane after its aired, you know that and I’m going to be the one they blame. They’re going to think I’m the one who asked you to quit and I really don’t want to be around for that.”

“I’ll just explain-“

“It’s not to going to help, Norman you know that. Not at first. It’s going to blow over sooner or later, it always does, especially when you can finally make it public that you’re not actually leaving the show. But until that happens, I think it’s for the best that I stay under the raider for a while.”

“I’m not going to see you at all…”

He said quietly and the hurt in his voice made her tear up. He was heading over to Europe in two weeks’ time and would be gone for 12 days and when he got back they would be back in Georgia and he had to work. And now she was telling him, she wanted to leave without him. She hated to see the disappointment and hurt in his eyes but she was too scared to be around him. She could feel it too and she hated herself for it but she was really scared for the fans reactions. A year ago she would’ve asked everyone to just go fuck themselves and stood her ground. Something had changed though, just in a few months she had lost a little bit of herself. And she knew it scared the hell out of him to see her scared like this. Which was why she really didn’t see any other way than to keep her distance from him.

“Of course you are.”

She swallowed back her tears and forced herself to smile at him. She reached out and placed her palm to his face. He wasn’t at all convinced though and she quickly tried to get him to think about something else.

“You’re driving down to Georgia next Monday, right?”

“Yeah…?”

“Maybe we should all just go together.”

“You want to drive 15 hours with Melodi?”

“I want to spend time with you. I want us to be together for as much as we can, as a family and I know you’re not really looking forward to spending so much time apart. We’ll take our time, stop when we’ve to and just take our time. Like we’ve before.”

“You would do that?”

“I’d anything for you, baby.”

“You think she’ll be ok driving for that long?”

“She’ll be fine. She mostly just sleeps whenever we drive anyway.”

“Ok. Yeah, I’d like that. We could leave Sunday night, that way she’ll be asleep through most of it anyway and we can just take turns driving.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, seeing as she has finally gotten into the right sleep pattern and sleeps through the night.”

She agreed and saw that she had managed to take his mind of being just worried. She gave him a quick kiss and put his hand on top of his and pushed him a little forward, making them start walking again.

“You know, you’re going to go grey with all this worrying, babe.”

“I’ve been going grey since they day Mingus was born and I had someone other than myself to care for. Then you came along and didn’t exactly help the situation, if you know what I mean?”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve always been the perfect embodiment of serenity. I would never cost any drama, would I?”

She nudged him in the ribs and they shared a few good laughs at her joke. She wrapped her arm around his waist and he leaned in and kissed the side of her head.

“I’ve had enough trouble to last a lifetime so could we please place all the drama aside?”

“You’re going to have to ask your ex-girlfriend to do the same if she keeps threating to spell the beans. Does she actually know something? I mean, besides the fact that we fucked each other when you were dating her?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t think so. It’s not like I talked to her about it, other than us being friends. It doesn’t matter either way, right? We can get through it? Whatever it is, we can always get through it. Like we always have.”

“Yeah, we can handle it. Whatever happens.”

“What’s keeping you up at night…? And don’t say nothing, cause I know you’re having nightmares or dreams of some kind that wakes you up and prevent you from sleeping.”

“It’s not nightmares exactly, just weird and… Disturbing. I think it’s mostly stuff that actually happened that keeps coming back.”

“Like what? With your family?”

“Yeah and with you in the beginning, what I did, things I said but didn’t really mean.”

“There’s no reason to linger on things that were, Jess. What you did back then doesn’t matter now. We’re where we are right now because of what happened and because of shit you did, shit I did… There’s no reason to lose sleep over it.”

“I know. For some reason it seems your overactive brain is passing on some of that energy to me whenever I try to sleep lately.”

“Sorry… You don’t have any plans tomorrow, right?”

“Not that I know of. Why?”

“Jeffrey asked if we wanted to come over for dinner.”

“Sure. What time?”

“Around 1.”

“For dinner? What are you really up to?”

He had tried to hide the secret little smirk he always had when he kept secrets from her. He could never lie to her.

“I’m not telling you. But we need to be out of the house tomorrow.”

“So you invited us in for dinner?”

“Yes… How the fuck did you know?”

“Come on, baby when have you ever been able to lie to me? You’re a shitty liar.”

“You know you are too, right?”

“Yeah, but you’re never bold enough to call me on it.”

“You will tell me though, right? If I really needed know, you’d tell me?”

“Yeah, I promise. Don’t go get anymore grey hairs over me, Norman by worrying so much. It has giving you enough already.”

                                            --------------------------------------

She kept running without getting anywhere. She couldn’t get closer to the child screaming for her help. She knew the cry but it was still different. Jacob was older because he called out ‘mommy’ with a voice that was full of panic and fear. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get to him and she couldn’t find him in the dark. Then a different cry echoed through the darkness and it was even more familiar. More familiar but at the same time even more terrifying because it was her completely helpless and only weeks old daughter crying like she had never done before.

She woke up drenched in her own sweat and her mouth open for a scream that she managed to stop just before it started. Norman simply moved a little beside her but didn’t wake up. She could hear Melodi moving in her crib at the foot of the bed. Quickly she moved out of bed and made her way over to the crib. The baby was snoozing peacefully and against better judgment and knowing she would be regretting it in the morning, she scooped the child into her arms and hugged her tightly. She kissed her blond head and Melodi opened her green eyes and blinked in confusion up at her mother.

Jessie took her back to bed and not because she really needed it but because Jessie felt the need to be as close as possible to her daughter, she began breastfeeding her. It really helped calm her racing heart feeling the child breathing and eating. Having her warm, little body, close to her own skin and knowing she was fine.

She woke up several hours later by a light kiss on her forehead and the smell off coffee.

“I love you.”

The careful whisper in her ear made her smile and she slowly opened her eyes when she felt Norman’s hair tickle her in the face.

“I love you too.”

“Why is our daughter sleeping in our bed when you were the one deciding it was time for her sleep in her own crib?”

“I missed her.

Melodi was just waking up in her arms and the girl stretched her arms above her head and yawned. She turned her head towards him, when her father crawled into bed and bent down over her to kiss her head. Jessie pulled herself up against the headboard and reached out for the cup of coffee Norman had left for her on the bedside table along with a plate of pancakes and strawberries.

“Wow… What did I do to deserve this?”

“This.”

He said and picked up their daughter and placed her on his pulled up legs.

“Yeah, I guess I did pretty good on that one, huh? But that’s mostly because she’s half yours.”

“You were not sleeping again.”

“How do you know?”

“I can see it in your eyes. You’re getting really black eyes, Jessie. You’re really not going to tell me what’s keeping you up?”

“It’s not keeping me up, it’s waking me up. I’m having nightmares. Jacob’s there, screaming for my help but I can’t find him and I keep running in the dark but I don’t get anywhere. He’s older, cause he’s talking, yelling for me and there’s nothing I can do. I just keep listening to him screaming louder and more panicky and then she’s screaming too and it’s like I’m losing them. Losing Jacob again.”

She kept her face determinately away from him when she finally told him what had kept her from sleeping the past week. She could feel him looking at her but she had cost him to fall into absolute silence. He seemed lost for words and didn’t really blame him. She hadn’t had nightmares like this for years and he probably wondered just as much as she did, what had cost them to return.  

Jessie managed to finish her breakfast before he finally spoke again.

“I know you’re not going to like what I’m about to say but maybe you should talk to the therapist again. I want to help you, Jessie but I’m not sure how. Not with this. It’s not going to help that I say you’ve nothing to fear, that she’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.”

She put the plate away, pulled her legs up to her chin and hugged herself. She tilted her head to look at him. She found him in the middle the motion in trying to hide the fact that he was crying. Quickly she realized her posture freaked him out because it was one she only had when she felt the need to keep herself from falling apart. Back in the day, he would find her crawled up in a corner of a room or in the shower like this and it terrified him everytime. As she had allowed him to love her and help her, the times it had happened became less and less.

“I’ll be fine.”

She said and forced herself to let go of herself and give him a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up and left the bedroom. Once she was sure he could no longer see her, she sprinted on light feet through the hallway and bolted the door to the bathroom at the end of it. Her hands were shaking so hard she stuck them under herself when she sank down on the floor. Her heart was beating out of her chest and she had to swallow repeatedly not to give in to the overwhelming feeling of wanting to throw up.

She hadn’t had a panic attack for months, maybe even years. She couldn’t remember the last time it had happened and they had both thought they had stopped for good. Why it had suddenly happened again, she knew at once. She was pretty sure Norman knew it too and she knew he would be furious at her for it. But he had never understood, he could never understand. Not really. He had never lost a part of himself. Half of himself to be honest. Jacob had been her entire world, half her and half Josh and Norman could never put himself in her shoes. Losing a child change’s you to the core and she really had thought having Melodi would help her heal the scars Jacob’s death had given her. But having this tiny little human being has made her realize just how afraid she was of everything. Maybe you really could love your children too much because simply having dreams at night about losing Melodi, made her start losing her mind.

“She needs you, Jess. Your daughter needs you to be ok. I know it’s not easy but you have to try, sis. Stop being so fucking stubborn and ask for help if you need it.”

She saw Jenny right in front of her even though she kept her eyes tightly shut in an effort to make the whole room spin. She knew it wasn’t real but she could still remember exactly how her big sister voice sounded.

“I don’t know how.”

“He loves you more than anyone in the world, Jessie.”

“You don’t know him.”

“I don’t have to. It’s obvious.”

“You’re not real, Jen.”

“I’m as real as you want me to be.”

“I want you to be here.”

“I’m always here, Jessie. Always right by your side.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, little sister. Take a deep breath and go take care of your beautiful baby girl.”

Jessie opened her eyes and the room stopped spinning and her heartrate slowed down second by second as she started to draw deep breaths in through her nose. Her legs shook just slightly as she finally rose to her feet and she grabbed the sink for support. She recalled a little as she looked up at her reflection. She could see what Norman had meant about seeing it in her eyes. She had gotten bags under her eyes and the lack of sleep had made them a lot darker than usual.

The knock on the door was a lot softer than she had expected.

“Jess?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you come out?”

“I’m just gonna take a shower real quick.”

She stepped away from the mirror and walked across the bathroom floor and turned the shower on at the same time as she stripped the top and panties she wore.

“Please, baby. Just let me know you’re ok.”

“I’m ok, Norman.”

“Prove it.”

She sighed but knew he would be standing outside the door until she came out. She unlocked the door but never had to open it because he did and almost ran straight into her when he attempted to make his way into the bathroom.

“I’m ok.”

His eyes flickered quickly over her entire body, over and over and his hand grabbed the side of her face and forced her to look at him.

“Don’t lie to me, Jessie.”

“I’ll be ok. I need to visit Ground Zero. Today. Like now.”

“Ok. Do you want to go alone?”

“No.”

“Alright. I’ll call Tim.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I’m a-“

She didn’t have the time to finish her sentence. He quickly cut her off with a kiss that made her forget what she was going to say in the first place.

“Never apologize for not feeling good, Jess. It’s ok not to always be ok.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Where’s Mel?”

“In her crib. Do you want me to give her a bottle?”

“No, I’ll just take a shower and then I’ll feed her.”

“You know you don’t have to.”

“I know but I want to. Besides, my boobs are really aching.”

She managed to smile, although it was a small one. He gave one just as small back and kissed her gently again before turning on his heel. She heard him pick up his phone and start a conversation with Tim just as she stepped in under the warm water in the shower.

_In touch Weekly February 20 th 2017\. Norman and Jessie Reedus shows up at Ground zero with newborn daughter _

_For her first time out in public, 7-week-old Melodi Reedus was safely hidden away in a baby carrier on her famous father’s chest. The only thing visible was the top of the little girl’s head, which was covered in a navy blue knitted hat. The couple has been keeping a low profile since the girl was born, more than a month premature and this is the first time they have showed themselves out together as a family. They visited Ground Zero where Jessie lost her entire family, including her 9-month-old son and Melodi’s brother, 16 years ago. Jessie was clearly emotional about the visit and keep her husband and daughter close by during the half hour they spent out in the cold. It was only last week the married couple was spotted out and about Manhattan without their daughter and couldn’t keep their hands (and lips) off of each other. Today there were no kisses and groping going on between the number one #couplegoals on US soil and it gets us all wondering if all is well with the new mother._

Jessie found he article while she was sitting in an extremely comfortable armchair in the Morgan/Burton residence, while breastfeeding her daughter. She could hear the two men and older child somewhere behind her, goofing around while Hilarie was cleaning up their finished dinner.

Her mind had just started to get annoyed over the fact that the press always chose to target her as the one that was not doing well. Of course they happened to be correct this time but it still annoyed her.

“Kinda makes me want to have another one.”

She snapped out of her thoughts and found their hostess sitting down on the couch beside her. She looked over at the younger woman with a little bit of surprise on her face.

“Really?”

She changed side without looking at the baby, she had gotten so use to it that she didn’t have to anymore. She could feed the baby in her sleep.

“She’s absolutely adorable and I know it’s not a walk in the park all the time but she’s pretty easy, isn’t she?”

“Everything got so much easier once she learned to take the bottle and I didn’t have to feed her every 3 hours during the night. I do not do well on 4 hours sleep a night.”

“How are you doing, Jessie?”

She looked long and hard at the blond and thought about what to actually tell her. She hadn’t got to know her that well yet. They had spent a lot more time with the acting couple since they moved and she considered Hilarie a friend but not so good that she felt she could let her know she had had panic attack hours earlier.

“I’m ok. Just didn’t have a great night, you know?”

“Did she keep you up?”

“No, she sleeps through the night most of the time. It’s a lot of other shit that keeps me up.”

“Nightmares?”

“Something like that.”

“Yeah, I guess you guys have changed a lot the last couple of months, huh? Having kids changes you as a couple. But you guys seemed to have had a great Valentin’s days.”

She received a little wink and a warm smile from Hilarie and Jessie actually laughed just a little.

“Yeah, you and the rest of the world saw that.”

“Sorry, I didn’t-“

“No, no, don’t worry about it. I didn’t mean it like that. I guess I’m just getting really feed up with always having the paparazzi around.”

“Is that why you’re leaving for Georgia?”

“Yeah. It’s really stressing him out to always have to worry about me. And her.”

She nodded towards the girl in her arms. Melodi was done eating and looked back at her mother with curious eyes. Jessie pulled her cloths back on and lifted her daughter to rest against her shoulder.

“Yeah, he really is a little bit overprotected, isn’t he?”

“You’ve no idea. You’d think I should be used to it by now but I’m really not. Do you want to hold her?”

“Yes, please. Unless she’s going to throw up all over me after eating.”

“I can’t give you any guarantees but she usually doesn’t.”

Just as Hilarie had settled in with the baby girl, Jeffrey came to join them as well and he took a seat close beside them.

“How about another one?”

Jessie watched the couple on the couch closely as the question that probably should’ve been reserved for a more private conversation but Norman and Jeffrey had no boundaries whatsoever about what they shared and talked about and it seemed she wanted to same with Jessie.

Jeffrey looked at his other half for a solid 10 seconds before cracking up in a huge smile and bent down and kissed the head of the little girl.

“Hell yeah!”

                                            ----------------------------------

“Leave her here for a minute.”

“Why?”

Norman took the car seat with the sleeping child out of her hand and placed it just inside the front door. He answered her by placing one hand over both her eyes and placed a firm hand on the small of her back.

“Remember I said we had to be out of the house?”

“Of course.”

“Well, I made a little change to one of the bedrooms.”

He said as they began to move through the house. Although she couldn’t see a thing, Jessie was pretty sure they stopped outside the biggest of the bedrooms on the ground floor which really wasn’t use to anything at all yet. By the sound of it though, Norman had changed that.

“Keep your eyes closed.”

He asked as he removed his hand. She wanted to peak as she heard him open the door and turn on lights but she humored him for once and waited. For once she had no idea whatsoever what he was up to. Which was probably why her jaw dropped to the floor when he told her to open her eyes again. She was faced with a completely different room and nothing from the previous bedroom could be found. In front of her were her very own dance studio. Complete with an amazing media center and speakers and the biggest wall covered with floor to celling mirrors. As she looked to her right she found something that made her crack up and giggle.

“A stripping pole, huh?”

“Yeah, well it’s not just for you. You’re not going to be able to use it until tomorrow though, they said the floor need time to really set over night.”

She turned to him with a question on her lips but he knew what she was going to say before she actually said it.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, I fucking rock. But the best thing is that I’m not done being the best fucking husband of the year because… We’re doing the same in the basement back in Georgia. Only difference is that it’s going to be twice this size.”

And just like that, by a few words and his incredible smile, she forgot all about having a shitty day. It was like her panic attack from the morning didn’t happen and didn’t matter. He didn’t care that she was fucked up. He just tried to help and he always knew just how to help her.

“I know it’s a part of who you are and that you’ve lost that since she was born and even before that so I… It’s my fault, I asked you to quit and it was selfish as shit so I thought I’d try to make it up to you.”

She silenced him by giving him a long kiss.

“You’d get the husband of the year award. This is so what I need right now. Something else to focus on. You’re the best. You really are.”

“I try.”

“Me too.”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ve an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. She’s coming here for breakfast.”

“Ok. I’ve a few errands I’ve to do tomorrow, I can take her with me. I was just planning to be gone for 2-3 hours tops.”

“No, I can-“

“Jess, you need this. You need to really talk to her and Melodi shouldn’t be here for that. I know you can take care of her on your own but you don’t have to. Let me help, baby.”

“Thank you… Would you mind take her and put her to bed? I’ve some things I’ve to get on top of your schedule and arrange a date for the EW interview. Any special requests?”

“Not really. However you make it work, babe is fine with me.”

He kissed her once more before turning to walk back to fetch their daughter she was sure. She allowed herself another moment to just admiring the new addition to their house and started to form all kinds of ideas in her head about what she could create in there.

_Sorry for bragging but I truly do have the best fucking man on planet earth!_

She texted Maya with a picture of the studio before heading towards the office and her laptop where she tried to put together mostly Norman’s schedule for the coming month. It wasn’t really her favorite things to do but someone had to make sure they could still be a family, because if it was up to AMC and all the other people around him, Norman would be working 24/7 365 days a year.


	7. I hate you, I love you

“Not today. Please, man not today.”

Norman unbuckled his sleeping baby girl from the car seat while Stacy struggled with putting the stroller together behind the car. He looked up when Norman spoke and they looked at each other through the backset of the car. He nodded towards him and knew without having to ask what he meant. He really felt the need to be left alone today and he wanted to be able to focus entirely on his daughter as he made his way around Manhattan. If it would just be him he wouldn’t take the man with him but it wasn’t just him today. And he was feeling a little bit distracted and frankly antisocial due to everything that was going on with Jessie. The last thing he needed was fans and reporters coming at him.

He had had a feeling something like this was about to happen. The first couple of weeks as a family had been too good to be true and Jessie had been doing too good for him to believe it was gonna last. He would have done anything in his power not to have let it go that far though. She hadn’t had a panic attack in years, at least none where he had been present. The thing that really terrified him was how easily she had agreed to get help. She had lost her fighting spirit and he just wasn’t sure how much of it, it actually was. One of the reasons he had fallen head first in love with her was her strong personality and that she never relayed on anyone else. She had been independent and sometimes too strong for her own good but right now he wished she would get all of that back. How he was going to help her do that, he had no idea. He just knew they had to make it work together and that they would find a way out of this rollercoaster ride that was only going down at the moment.

After making all the errands and meetings he had to make in the first two hours of the later morning, he called Helena real quick to see if she had the time to meet up for lunch.

“Hi, Norman.”

“Hey! How are you?”

“I’m doing good, thanks. How about you?”

“I’m actually pretty close to your place. Wanted to see if you were up for an early lunch.”

“Absolutely. Where?”   

“I can bring some takeout and met at home. I’ve Melodi with me so I rather-“

“Of course, yeah that sounds great. Just come on over, I’m home.”

“Is Mingus home?”

“He’s on his way actually.”

“Awesome. I’ll just pick something up for him too then. Asian, ok?”

“Whatever you want, Norman.”

“Alright. See you soon then.”

“Are you ok? You sound off.”

“Yeah but we can talk about it when I get there.”

“Ok. See ya.”

He managed to time his arrival at Helena’s apartment with his son’s and half a dozen paparazzi who seemed to have been on his heel and he felt his eyes turn black at the mere sight of them. When they spotted him and above all the stroller at his hands, it seemed all respect for privacy was gone. They never managed to get close enough because Stacy grabbed both father and son and stroller quickly and pushed them inside the front door and closed it in lightning speed behind them.

The sudden movement made the child wake up with an angry and loud cry that echoed in the stone entrance.

“Sorry.”

“No, thank you, dude”

“Want me to go out there and lecture them?”

“Yeah, I think I do actually. But once you’re done, come on up and get something to eat.”

“Alright. ´You’re ok, Mingus?”

“Fine.”

Mingus answered at the same time as he bent over the stroller and picked up his screaming little sister and shushed her. She fell silent in a heartbeat and looked up at her brother the moment he spoke to her.

“Hey, baby girl. Don’t be mad.”

“She’s probably hungry.”

They made it inside the elevator and to the right floor all while Mingus kept up a one way conversation with Melodi. Before Norman could knock on the door however, Mingus took out a key out of his jacket and unlocked the door for them. Just as he had since she was born, Mingus didn’t mind taking care of his little sister. It came so natural and effortless for him and Norman really didn’t have to say much. Before he had gotten the stroller inside, his own shoes and jacket off, Mingus had already undressed Melodi and himself and grabbed the diaper bag straight out of his father’s hands.

“Doe she still do 150 ml?”

“Make it 180. It’s been more than 3 hours since Jessie feed her.”

He called back as he watched his kids disappear into the apartment just as he could hear Helena and the 4-legged creature in the family come towards them from the direction of the terrace.

“Hey!”

“Hi, Helena.”

Both of them came at him. The dog jumped on him at the same time as Helena hugged him, although it got a bit messy as the dog wanted all the attention.

“Hi, Kuma.”

He finally turned to the dog and he crouched down by her side and let the dog finally say hi to him. At the corner of his eye he saw Helena reach for the bags of food that was still on the floor and she turned and headed into the kitchen. She said hi to their son and his daughter before starting to set the table for their lunch.

After giving and receiving some love from the dog, he got to his feet and joined the rest of his family. Mingus was sitting by the counter, feeding the infant.

“Fuck, I’m gonna miss that.”

He hadn’t meant to say the thing inside his head out loud but apparently he had because Mingus lifted his head and looked over at him.   

“When are you leaving?”

The question came from Helena as she gestured for him to sit down by the dinner table

“Sunday night.”

They sat down and Mingus joined them but pissing Melodi off in the process when he removed the bottle for the few seconds it took him to change seats.

“She got quiet the temper already, hasn’t she?”

“Yeah, she’s going to be one hell of a force to be reckoned with when she grows up.”

Norman agreed with Helena and put a plate together for Mingus before making himself one. They had all gotten so use to doing things with one hand and eating and feeding at the same time was something Mingus didn’t have a problem with.

“Like mother, like daughter.”

“Not so much at the moment though.”

There it was again. He hadn’t meant for the words in his head to leave his mouth but they did and the table turned absolute silent by his words.

“What’s going on, dad? Is Jessie ok?”

“To be honest… I’m not sure. She had a panic attack yesterday and she’s not sleeping, although Mel is finally sleeping through the night. She’s having nightmares about Jacob and Melodi dying or going missing or something.”

“I thought they had stopped.”

Mingus said, his voice very low and emotional as he watched the little girl in his arm.

“Yeah, me too.”

“How bad was it?”

Helena’s eyes darted between Mingus and him, while she held her food suspended in midair.

“It’s been worse but it was… Enough. She locked herself up in the bathroom so I’m not really sure what happened but I couldn’t get through to her for 15 minutes.”

“Is that why you went to Ground Zero yesterday?”

“Yeah. She needed to be there after it happened. I think she talked to Jenny mostly. It’s freaking me out.”

“Ask her to get help, Norman. You shouldn’t-“

“She is. That’s the most terrifying thing in all this. She called her therapist the first thing she did. I really didn’t even need to ask her. Jessie never asks for help, you know that.”

“You’re worried because she’s doing the right thing?”

The confusion on Helena’s face showed clearly and it made Norman actually chuckle. It must seem weird to her, who didn’t know Jessie like he and Mingus did. Helena hadn’t known Jessie that well back in the day when things weren’t like they were now. 

“Yeah. I know it probably sounds pretty fucked up to you but usually it has to come to a complete meltdown and me yelling my head off before she agrees. She has always been too strong for her own good, too fucking stubborn.”

“And she’s not anymore?”

“No. That’s why it terrifies me. She’s losing who she is.”

“Or maybe she’s simply changing. Becoming a parent does that to you… Look, I know I don’t know her like you do and that we haven’t always seen eye to eye but Jessie has a pretty damn good reason to react to this. It’s all new in some ways and still just the same. She has always been terrified of losing you and Mingus and now she has this little thing to add to that list as well.”

“So what are you saying? That there’s nothing to do?”

“I’m saying she needs time to get use to this. To being a mom again. The first couple of weeks you’re still really high on everything that is happening and you’ve always been close by, right? When did this start?”

He had to think about his answer a moment before answering.

“After I came back from the cruise.”

“So after you had spent more than a few hours apart?”

“Yes. But she was the one asking me to go. I didn’t want to go but she said she needed some space and she said we needed to miss each other and I did and-I don’t know, maybe things will get better when we get back to Georgia but it also means I’m going to be away. And then there’s London coming up-Fuck, everything is just… A damn mess and-“

He was ranting, words pouring out of his mouth too fast and out of control. He wasn’t really sure what he was saying or why.  

“Dad, breath.”

Mingus reached across the table and put a hand on his arm as he got to his feet. Without another word, he placed the now half sleeping baby in his arms. He looked up in confusion but it quickly disappeared as he felt himself calm down and he understood why Mingus had giving him Melodi.

“Sorry.”

He apologized without looking at either of them. He felt a bit stupid for letting himself go like this but both his family members quickly shut him down with protests.

“No need to apologize here, Norm you know that.”

“Yeah, dad, don’t worry about it. Rant all you want. The press is really stressing you out.”

Norman got surprised it wasn’t a question but rather a statement and it got him thinking about the paparazzi down in the streets.

“You never told me they follow you too.”

He pinned his son down with the most annoyed look he could muster at the moment when he really just wanted to lose himself in his daughter’s eyes.

“It doesn’t matter, dad. They never get too close.”

“Of course it matters! They shouldn’t.”

“Seriously, dad don’t worry about me too. You’ve enough on your plate already. They only follow me now because of what happened last night, cause they know you’re in town too. Once you go back to Georgia they will leave me alone.”

“Well, your life is anything but dull since Jessie came into your life, that’s for sure.”

“I wouldn’t mind if it was a lot more dull than it actually is though.”

He sighed, most to himself but he saw both of them smile just a little at him and Helena reached across the table and nudged the plate of uneaten food towards him. He eyed it for a second but noticed that he actually was hungry after all. All this thinking just made him forgot about actually needing to put some energy into his body.

_New York October 2008_

_Norman rolled over in bed and pushed himself up on his elbows so he could watch Jessie sitting at the edge of the bed as she rubbed lotion all over her newly washed body. He moaned quietly to himself and bit his lip when he felt his dick jump a little in his underwear._

_“I wanted to ask you something.”_

_“What?”_

_She asked without turning to look back at him._

_“It’s Mingus birthday next week and we’re having a small thing at his mom’s.”_

_“So?”_

_“So I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come.”_

_He said quickly and held his breath for her response. He was aware this was the first time he had suggested something like this and he knew it could backfire pretty hard. She had made it pretty clear 100 times over that they weren’t in a relationship. She wasn’t his girlfriend but she was still more than just a one night stand and way more than just a friend to him and she had gotten pretty close to his son since meeting him for the first time 1,5 years ago._

_He saw her body tens and she stopped what she was doing and turned slowly to look at him over her shoulder._

_“Why?”_

_“Because it will make Mingus happy if you’d come.”_

_She turned around completely and crossed her legs under herself and looked him over for a moment._

_“And what about Helena? And whoever else is going to be there?”_

_“What about them?”_

_“Why am I there? We’re not dating so why would I be there?”_

_“We’re friends, aren’t we? You’ve become a petty big part of his life, Jessie and he asked me to invite you.”_

_It seemed almost despite herself, Jessie actually smiled a little at these words. The smile turned into a smirk and he gasped in surprise when she got up on all fours and crawled onto him and kissed him. He laid back and grabbed her around the waist._

_“Are you trying to distract me?”_

_“Would I ever do that?”_

_She sat back on her heel, straddling his waist and moved her hips just a little and created a very welcome friction between their two bodies that made him moan._

_“Yeah, you would.”_

_He sat up and wrapped an arm around her back and pressed her body to his own. Jessie let her fingers get lost in his hair and he pulled her wet hair away from her face and shoulders._

_“What does he want for his birthday?”_

_He sighed in complete contentment and allowed his hands to wander down her back and his fingers explored her soft skin inch by inch slowly. He cherished their moments like this more than anything in his life at the moment. The moments she show him this kind of affection were extremely rare so he always tried to make them last as long as possible._

_“An anaconda.”_

_She giggled and dropped her head to his shoulder and started to draw circles on his naked chest. He kissed her forehead and let out a giggle of his own._

_“Is he getting one?”_

_“Fuck no. It would eat Eye.”_

_“True. So what should I get him?”_

_“Does that mean you’re going to be there?”_

_“It’s just a small thing, right?”_

_“Yeah. 10 people tops. And you’ve met Helena before.”_

_“Not on something this official. We’ve met at the front door most of the time.”_

_“It will be fine. I’ll be there.”_

_“So you want me to introduce myself as your friend?”_

_“No, but I know that’s what you want to do. Whatever makes you feel ok with going is ok with me, Jess.”_

_“Ok. What do I get him though?”_

_“I’m sure you’ll come up with something.”_

_“He has everything.”_

_“It doesn’t have to be a thing.”_

_He felt her going still in his arms and he knew she had gotten an idea. When he glanced down she was indeed in deep concentration and stayed quiet for a long time. At some point he wondered if she had even fallen asleep but as his legs begun to get numb and he wanted to lay them both down, she spoke again._

_“I know what I’m going to get him.”_

_“Good.”_

_He laid back down against the pillows that were mostly there for her benefit and he wrapped his arm more tightly around her and she placed one leg over his hip._

_“You don’t want to know?”_

_“If you want to tell me.”_

_“No, you’ll have to wait and see.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_He grabbed her waist hard and rolled them over and made her lift her hands over her head in the process with one hand and use the other one to slide the underwear off of himself._

_“It’s not for you.”_

_“I know, that’s why I love you.”_

_He said, kissed her and allowed himself to slip effortless inside her always ready pussy. She cursed and he grinned down at her._

_“No slow shit today, Norm. Just fuck me. Hard.”_

_“You always know just what to say, J, don’t you? I’ll make you scream, bitch.”_

_He reached over to the bedside table and produced a pair of handcuffs which she was more than willing to use. He cuffed her to the headboard and after that there was no way for her to escape him unless she begged him._

_“Where the fuck are you going?”_

_She protested at once when he got up. He answered her by retrieving the bottle of lotion she had left on the floor._

_“I said fuck me, Reedus.”_

_“I will. Just not yet, Miss Hamilton. “_

_He stopped by the side of her head and looked her over time and time again. She glared at first but after a while the glare turned into a smirk when she noticed how hard it was going to be for him to keep to his plan._

_“You’re too fucking sexing for your own good, you know that?”_

_He climbed back into bed with her and bent close enough to give her a deep kiss that left them both slightly breathless. Then he started to work her over, taking his time to really make sure he got the lotion all over her body. Although he lingered a little more on certain parts of her body more than others. Her boobs had always been a favorite part of her body and he made her squirm and moan his name over and over as tongue and teeth join his hands._

_She was leaving wet spots on the sheets once he felt he was done with simply touching her and he sat back on his heels by her feet to take a closer look at his creation._

_“God damnit, you’re beautiful, Jessie. So fucking beautiful.”_

_“Grab your camera.”_

_He obliged the same second the words left her mouth and within seconds he was holding his latest camera in his hands. He spent a good 15 minutes capturing every part of her body but lost his focus when he got in between her legs once more and placed his throbbing dick at her entrance. She was panting and lifted her head and he found her gaze through the camera. Her green eyes were glassy and wide open and he snapped a final photo before throwing the camera aside and pushed himself inside her with a loud moan._

_\-----------------------------_

_Jessie grabbed hold of the guy’s blue shirt and his hands grabbed her ass firmly as they started to grind against each other to the rhythm of the too loud club music. She had gotten just enough to drink that she was simply happy and full of energy. Norman on the other hand hadn’t kept up with her and he had already asked her to go home 3 times. She had told him to leave just as many times but he was still there. She knew he was watching her and it was just a matter of time before he had had enough._

_“You really know how to kill the mood.”_

_“And you need to get your ass home and into bed.”_

_He had to use a mild form of violence to get her to finally leave the club they were in. She turned her back to him the second they were in the cab and she heard him curse her under his breath, looking out the window. She bit her tongue and stopped the snarling replay she wanted to throw at him. The backseat of a taxi cab was not the right place for their yelling to start. Because they were going to pull off one hell of a fight tonight, she was sure of it. They always did when having too much to drink and not agreeing on when to call it quits._

_“You’re staying with me tonight.”_

_“Was that a question or a statement?”_

_“No fucking question, J, you’re staying with me tonight.”_

_“Fine!”_

_She wasn’t in the mood to argue with him on this point. Besides, he did usually take pretty damn good care of her after a night out. She stumbled into his apartment 10 minutes later, Norman supporting her and he directed her to the couch where she slumped._

_“Don’t go anywhere, I’ll get you some aspirin and water.”_

_“Yes, dad.”_

_She heard him groan and knew her choice of words annoyed him. He was back moments later though and placed tablets and water right in front of her._

_“Are you going to make me force it down your throat?”_

_“I’m fucking fine, Norman.”_

_“Take the damn pills, J!”_

_He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up. She protested at once and pushed him away with one hard shove. He cursed loudly as he almost fell down on the floor but caught himself on the table. Jessie watched him, challenging him and he scowled right back just as angry. He gave up first and rose so quickly to his feet that he bumped into the table and knocked the water over. Neither of them cared though as they were both gearing up to fight._

_“You’re one ungrateful piece of shit, J, you know that?!”_

_“Ungrateful?!”_

_“All the fucking things I do for you! All the bullshit you pull me through-“_

_“All the bullshit?! What the fuck is that suppose to mean?! I don’t force you to any of this, Norman! I never asked anything of you!”_

_“I broke up with my fucking girlfriend because of you!”_

_“Don’t you fucking stand here and blame me for that, your piece of shit! I didn’t ask you to end it! You did that all on your own! I didn’t ask you to!”_

_“You didn’t really complain when we fucked but I was dating her!”_

_“What the fuck were there to complain about? I was not in a damn relationship with her, you were! I’m not gonna let your fucking bad conscious-“_

_“You fuck me up, Jessie!”_

_“I fuck you up?!”_

_She had gotten so close up in his face that she could pretty much count the freckles on his nose if she had been able to focus enough. She could feel his entire body tremble with suppressed rage and she knew all he really wanted to do was to grab her and shake her._

_“Your fucking angle eyes! You mess me up all the fucking time! I mean, what the hell are we doing?! What the fuck is this?! We go out for dinner and a few drink and you’re all over every fucking guy you can get your hands on! What the fuck is wrong with you, bitch?!”_

_“What the fuck is it to you?! Why do you care?!”_

_“I don’t know. I really fucking don’t know why I still give a shit about you!”_

_“You give a shit because you can’t stop fucking me.”_

_She reached down and grabbed hold of his dick just enough that it usual would’ve made him moan and melt into her touch. He was not playing along tonight though. His hand took a strong hold of her wrist and he pushed both her hand and her away._

_She lost all self-control at the same time as he did and she responded to his physical assault by pushing him hard in the chest and claw at his throat and shoulders._

_He grabbed both her wrists when she made a move with her hand and she wanted to hit him in the face. She growled and threw herself at him, trying to knock him over._

_“Your fucking crazy bitch!”_

_“Let me the fuck go, your motherfucker!”_

_He stood her ground when she tried to push him and wrested her to her back on the couch instead. He pinned her down with his own body and the pressure of his weight made her lose focus and forget why she was angry in the first place. Human contact, or really Norman’s contact, was the only thing that could make her calm down. Just as easily as he was the only one who could trigger her will to actually physical wanting to hurt another human being. The pressure his body created made her body relax although it took her brain a few more moments of cursing and trying to get away before it caught on._

_“Close your eyes, baby and go to sleep.”_

_“Fuck  you…”_

_The words left her mouth with a smile as she felt herself drift off to sleep before she even noticed she was tired. She wasn’t sure if she was dreaming it or if he actually said it but somewhere a soft ‘I love you’ reached her ear._

_Inside his head there had been so many times that he saw himself just smash her head into the wall, or the floor, or something else very solid. He had stopped counting all the times he wished he could just kill her. She really could drive him absolute insane but instead of smashing her head in, he always ended up kissing her gently, telling her, he loved her and stay by her side until he was sure she was asleep. Then he turned her to her side and fetched a bucket for her to throw up in when she woke up, before leaving for the bedroom where he undressed and heading into the bathroom. He noticed the deep red scratches across his collarbone and up his throat when he brushed his teeth. He cursed and winced when touching the marks, especially when he knew it would cost a lot of people a lot of questions tomorrow._

_\---------------------------------_

_“Dad!”_

_Mingus jumped into Norman’s  arms when the door flue open and he greeted him._

_“Happy birthday, buddy.”_

_“What happened? You’re hurt.”_

_Mingus noticed the marks on his father but in the next heartbeat he looked around and asked the next question before Norman could give an answer to the first one._

_“Where’s Jessie?”_

_“She’s coming in a little bit.”_

_Norman let his son back down and reached behind him and grabbed the bag that he had placed just outside the door. The boy’s eyes begun to sparkle when he laid his eyes on all the presents in the bag._

_“I love you, Mingus.”_

_“I love you, dad.”_

_Once more the boy hugged his father tightly and then took the bag and run inside, yelling to whoever could hear that his dad was there. Before he could move further into the apartment, Helena came to met him._

_“Hi.”_

_“Hey.”_

_He gave her a hug and kissed her cheek when she asked how he was doing. He gave a polite answer and asked her the same but she didn’t give him an answer._

_“What happened? You ok?”_

_“I’m fine, it’s just a scratch. Eye freaked out when I was holding him and I sneezed. Damn cat almost took my fucking eye out.”_

_She looked at him for a second longer and he swallowed hard, hoping she bought his lie. She cracked up in a smile and shook her head at him._

_“That cat is crazy, I’ve always said it.”_

_“Yeah, well, you kinda have to be when living with me.”_

_“That is true. I thought Jessie was coming too?”_

_“She is. She just had a little bit of a problem getting out of bed this morning.”_

_The moment the words escaped him, he realized it was the wrong words and Helena stopped in her tracks as they had begun to make their way into the rest of the guests. She turned back to him and rose both eyebrows in surprise but never got the chance to ask before he let the words leave him in a rush.._

_“We had a few drinks last night and she ended up sleeping at my place. I really didn’t want her to go home alone.”_

_Once more she stood there scrutinizing him closely before she spoke._

_“It’s ok if you’re more than just friends, Norman.”_

_“I know it is but we’re not. She’s a close friend, nothing else.”_

_This was a lie he had used so many times with so many people, it was one he knew he could tell without getting caught. It worked this time too and Helena nodded at him._

_“Ok.”_

_She smiled and grabbed his hand for a second and gave it a small squeeze and Norman gave a small undetected sigh of relief before greeting the small group of guests that included Helena’s sister and Mingus two cousins but once he had done his grown up duty, he joined his son and the rest of the kids on the floor where Mingus was unwrapping presents. It took a very long time because he had to play with everything he unwrapped and also letting all the other kids look and play with it before he could move on to the next. Mingus was so into the presents that he failed to hear the doorbell half an hour after his father got there and when Norman looked around he saw that Helena was in the middle of getting the cake ready. She gave him a begging look and he nodded right back and got to his feet to open the door. His prayers were answered when he opened the door and found Jessie outside. A small part of him had feared that she wouldn’t show up and knowing how upset that would make Mingus had made him badger her for hours that morning._

_She had told him she was going to be there but she had to head out and get something ahead of time and told him to go without him. He knew it was just her way of really putting her foot down and telling him that they were not dating. They were not going to arrive to his son’s birthday party hand in hand like a couple. But there she was, smiling warmly at him and looking like a million bucks. She was holding a balloon shaped like a snake and wearing causal jeans and black rolled up shirt that he was pretty sure was his own. He glanced over his shoulder and found no one there that could catch them and turned back to her, grabbed her by the neck, entwining his finger in her hair and kissed her. She ended it quicker then he’d like but didn’t want to start a fight. Instead he pulled back and placed a tuft of hair behind her ear._

_“Hey.”_

_“Hi.”_

_“Come on in.”_

_He stepped aside and allowed her to walk past him. She kicked off her shoes without untying them, like she always did. And he rolled his eyes at her like he always did._

_“Mingus’s unwrapping presents.”_

_Just as Norman spoke, his son must have noticed them from his place because he gave a small shrike of joy and rushed up from the floor._

_“You’re here!”_

_He threw himself at her and she caught him and hugged him just as tightly back and gave the boy a kiss on the head._

_“Happy birthday, Mingus. Sorry it took so long to get here but I couldn’t find an anaconda for you, apparently they’re illegal to keep as pets. But I found this.”_

_She handed the green balloon to the grinning boy and he hugged her once more and laughed a little at her comment._

_“That’s ok, it was just going to eat Eye anyway.”_

_His son noticed the note at the end of the string just as Norman did and he grabbed it quickly and read out loud what it said._

_“Happy 9 th birthday bud. Whenever you want to go, I’ll take you for a weekend of fun and craziness at the Great Escape and Splashwater kingdom at Lake George. Lots of hugs! Jessie.”_

_Norman wasn’t the only one how turned and looked at Jessie after Mingus had finished reading. The awkward 2 seconds silence was broken by Mingus how once again threw himself at Jessie and embraced her._

_“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”_

_“You’re welcome, sport.”_

_“When can we go? I wanna go now!”_

_“It’s really not the right season yet, Mingus. We’ll have to wait until next year when it gets warmer again. And you’ve to ask your mom and dad first.”_

_He rushed over to the kitchen and his mother at once and asked for permission. Norman tensed a little beside Jessie when the later did the same. It probably dawned on her right there and then that she probably should’ve talked to them before promising something like this. He was more than ok with it but he wasn’t so sure about Helena._

_“Of course you can go, honey but like Jessie said, you’ll have to wait until next year. We’ll work something out.”_

_She said, looking over at Jessie as she spoke. The two woman shared a small nod of understanding between them and Norman could breath easily again, just in time for Mingus to walk back towards them._

_“Is dad coming too?”_

_Jessie smirked when she first looked at him and then over at his son._

_“I don’t know. Do you think he would be able to keep up? He’s getting so old.”_

_“Shut your mouth, missy.”_

_Norman protested at once but both Jessie and Mingus just stated to laugh at him._

_“You are getting old, dad. I don’t think you could keep up with me and Jessie at all so it probably better that you stay at home.”_

_Mingus had started to move even before he stopped talking, knowing he would trigger his father and he hid behind Jessie, who quickly grabbed Mingus hand and started running away when they both received the playfully angry look from him. The movements from all three of them got the rest of the kids going too and an intense game of tag started._

_“Did you have a good day, buddy?”_

_Norman wrapped his arm around his son and kissed him as he crawled closer to his side when they sat down in the living room sofa._

_“Best day ever.”_

_He said, yawned and snuggled into his father’s chest. It had been a very intense afternoon for the birthday boy and it was very late for a 9 year old and most of his guests had just left. And Mingus had crashed the moment the door closed. So had Jessie. He had never thought she’d stay this long but she was fast asleep on the other side of him, crawled up as close as she possible could get just as Mingus. Norman leaned his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes and wished there was a way for time to just stop right there and then. He had the two people in the world that meant most to him right there in his arms and it had been the best day in a very long time for him too. Jessie had been a ray of sunshine the entire day and those days were so rare he wanted to be able to bottle them and save them forever._

_“Thank you for helping out today. I really appreciate it.”_

_“Of course, Helena. He’s my son too.”_

_“I know I just meant-“_

_“I know what you mean. You’re welcome.”_

_The woman that had been his first true love sat down in an armchair across from him and grabbed a Polaroid camera that was on the table between them. He looked up and straight into it as she snapped a picture. She looked at the picture for a moment before putting both camera and picture aside._

_“It really is ok if you’re dating her, Norman.”_

_“We’re not dating, Helena.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Cause she doesn’t want to.”_

_“But you do.”_

_Norman did a double take when Helena’s words didn’t come out as a question. She looked genuine confused._

_“Says who?”_

_“You don’t have to say the words, Norm. It’s pretty damn obvious.”_

_“We’re not dating.”_

_He said firmly and hoped it would be enough for her not to continuing the conversation. Helena simply sighed a little and shrugged her shoulders._

_“Fine, you don’t have to talk about it.”_

_“Good.”_

_“It’s was a pretty generous gift to your son from someone who’s just your “friend” though.”_

_“For fuck’s sake, Helena just drop it, ok?”_

_He felt his quota of patience regarding this question was reaching its breaking point and he really didn’t want this day to end that bad. He knew that if Helena kept poking him, he would have a mayor breakdown and just tell her everything. He didn’t want her to know how fucked up Jessie really was. How fucked up they were really. No one knew and he planned on keeping it that way. For both their sake. He would never hear the end of it from everyone around him that was close to him and loved him, about breaking up with her for good, giving up on her. Helena sighed once more but seemed to decide to drop it and Norman turned his head and glanced down on the sleeping blond on his left. And he knew he would never be able to give her up. He was in this for life whether he liked it or not._


	8. Chapter 8

Jessie’s morning had been the worst morning she had had for years. Breaking down the day before was nothing compared to what her hours with her therapist had been like. She hadn’t felt this emotional drained since Norman had left her for Cecilia. But it actually felt better. She had been able to put to words what it was she felt and her therapist had helped her explain why it happened and how they were going to move forward. For starters she was going to start a journal again. She had gotten better but anything else but talking was usual the best way for her express what she really felt and meant.

_Wrapped up, so consumed by all this hurt_

_If you ask me don’t know where to start_

_Anger, love, confusion, roads that go nowhere_

_I know there’s somewhere better_

_Cause you always take me there_

Music was almost as good as therapy for her. And when she was able to combined one of her favorite memories with a song and then dance to it, she felt the calm spread through every fiber of her body. Their wedding song could make her cry on good days so it really shouldn’t surprise her that Norman came storming into the studio in panic when he found her laying flat on the floor, crying hysterical. From the door he hadn’t been able to see that she was actually smiling through the tears but when their eyes finally met, all the air in his body seemed to leave his body.

“I’m ok.”

She said but made no effort to get up. She wasn’t done crying yet. She still had a few special moments to run through in her head before returning to reality. She felt Norman move and leaned back against the mirrors while he waited for her.

Finally she pulled herself together, whipped her cried out eyes with the back of her hand and opened her eyes to find Norman. The last notes of the song faded and she reached out and lowered the volume as the same song started all over again.

“These are happy tears. Mostly. Probably a few because I’m so fucking tired too but mostly it’s because of all the memories.”

“Therapy helped?”

“Yes. It really helped. I’m totally drained but it feels better. Easier.”

“Good.”

“How are you?”

“I’m ok if you’re ok, Jessie.”

“I’m better. I mean, I know it’s not going to change overnight and everything will be perfect tomorrow but its better. I really just want to go home to Georgia. Start over a little bit, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s Melodi?”

“With Mingus.”

“Mingus here?”

“Yeah, he wanted to stay for a few days, since we’re leaving.”

“Of course. How was your day?”

“Good. I got everything done that I needed and then I had lunch with Helena and Mingus. And Mel was a perfect little angle the whole time.”

“Of course she was. She’s our daughter.”

She gasped out loud when he suddenly moved and hovered over her. His intense eyes made her stop breathing for a moment.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

She said and used both hands to pull his hair out of his face before they met for a deep and long kiss. They kept it careful and soft but neither of them wanted to be the one ending it. She needed to feel him against her, loving her unconditionally and he had always been able to prove that to her without having to actually say it. She knew he loved her despite everything that had happened just the past days and that was what she really needed at the moment.

Mingus halted on the threshold to the newly remodeled room when he found his father and his wife on the floor. It wasn’t the same, uncontrolled and steaming make out session he had walked in on all the other times, this was just filled of love. Not sex. And he felt himself smile. Hearing and seeing his father worry about Jessie was something he was used to but it was something about this time that was different. It was worse than it had been before and it was contagious. Mingus was worried about Jessie too but it felt a lot better when he saw them like this. Jessie looked relaxed and happy. And above all, he saw the love she had for his dad and that it was returned just as fiercely.

He returned to reality when Melodi tugged with her small hands at his shirt and gave up a frustrated, low cry. He took a step inside and cleared his throat carefully. He saw the couple on the floor tense but it took them another minute to stop. Finally Jessie pulled away and kissed his face gently and whispered something to his father that Mingus was pretty sure was ‘I love you’.

“Are you ok?”

Mingus stepped into the room when his father rolled away from his wife’s body and sat up in the middle of the floor. Jessie pushed herself up on her elbows and looked up at him.

“Yes.”

“She’s hungry.”

“I can see that.”

Jessie giggled a little when both of them looked at the baby girl together and found her pressing her little face unto Mingus chest. Jessie got up and Mingus handed her Melodi at once. She walked over to the long wall of mirrors and sunk down on the floor with her back to it and began to feed the hungry child at once.

“This is awesome.”

Mingus took his time to first look around the room and then walked around to take a closer look at the new addition to the house.

“Yeah, it turned out pretty good.”

His father replayed from his spot right in front of Jessie. He sat with his knees pulled up and rested his arms on them and he followed Mingus with his gaze as he walked around.

“It’s fucking awesome.”

Mingus stopped at the other end of the room when Jessie spoke. He searched for her gaze but she only had eyes for her daughter. He smiled to himself when he ran one hand up and down the metal pole and he saw his father blush just a little bit but grinning a little too.

“I had to get something out of this too, right?”

“Of course.”

Mingus replayed and made his way over to Jessie and sat down beside her. Once again he searched for her gaze just to make sure she was ok. He knew he would be able to tell just if she looked at him. It took her a moment but finally she looked up and straight into his eyes. They flickered just a little bit by stress but not as much as he had thought they would. He heard her give a little sigh and he was sure it was because she could see the worry in his eyes when looking at him.

“I’m going to be ok, Mingus.”

Her hand came to rest against his cheek for a moment and she gave him a small smile. He scrutinized her but finally nodded when he couldn’t find any sigh of lies in her eyes.

“Ok… I love you.”

“I love you too, Mingus.”

At the corner of his eye, he saw how his dad picked up his phone and without a doubt took a bunch of pictures. A moment later Norman asked him if he minded that he posted a picture on Instagram. Mingus shook his head and gave his father the thumbs up without looking at him. He only had eyes for Jessie and his little sister at the moment. He was going to miss the little life probably more than he was willing to admit and he made up his mind right there and then that he was going to make sure he took some time to go visit them in Georgia a lot sooner than he had planned.

                                            -------------------------------------

_Family_  ♥

Jessie stared at the latest post on Norman’s official Instagram. It was 4 days old but it was the first time she saw it. They had spent the past days being competently and absolute focused on their family and getting ready to leave New York for an unknown period of time. She was seated in the front seat of their new Volvo SUV and they had been driving for less than half an hour. Melodi was asleep in the backseat and probably would be asleep for the majority of their trip. This was the first time she had taken the time to go through any social media since her first therapy session.

“I thought the shrink said no phones.”

“Not really, she just said to focus on the positive social media. And this is a beautiful shot.”

He smiled and reached out for her hand and kissed it.

“How are you doing?”

“Good. I’m good.”

She squeezed his hand and asked the same question back. He took his time before giving her a quick sideways glance.

“I know it’s been rough these past couple of days but… Does it sound too fucked up to say that I’ve been enjoying these past couple of days?”

“No, I’ve too. I’m mean, it’s been emotional draining to talk to her every day but its helping. And when I have the opportunity to clear my head in the studio every night, I.... I’ve been too tired to have nightmares.”

“You should try and get some sleep now, babe.”

“Yeah but you gotta promise me you wake me up if you get tired or stop. Don’t keep driving if you get tired.”

“I promise. I’ve my coffee. And I did sleep half the day. ”

He lifted the Starbucks cup and took a zip before replacing it in its holder again. She leaned over and kissed his neck before collecting her headphones, leaned her seat back and crawled up and put on the audio book for _Jane Two_.

Norman on the other hand plugged in his headphones and waited on the call he knew was going to come any minute from the other side of the country and Ryan Seacrest’s radio show. He really didn’t feel like it at all but AMC had been on him to him about doing promo for both TWD and Ride. But since he had been pretty much isolated from the outside world and anything social media related for the past week, he felt he had to pay his dues just a little bit. And a radio interview was at least better than having to go somewhere and be on TV.

Right on schedule he got the call and got talking to someone how gave him all the info he needed before getting started and shortly after that the host of the show actually came online with the usual introduction and greeting.

“How are you doing, Mr. Reedus?”

“Good, I’m doing good. How are y’all?”

“We’re all getting ready for tonight’s episode and hoped you could give us the inside scoop. There’re so many questions since last week, man. Who are these garbage people? What’s up with Eugene? Where’s Daryl going after leaving the Kingdom and why did he choose to lie to Carol about Glenn and Abraham?”

He gave small sigh of relief when he was only faced with work related questions in the beginning and he knew just what to answer without having to involve too much emotion. He was sure it wasn’t going to last the entire interview but he was going to drag it out for as long as he possible could and keep it strictly work related.

“Of course we can’t have a chat with you without asking about your absolutely adorable family. How’s your daughter? And Jessie?”

“They’re both doing really good, sleeping at the moment actually.”

“Yeah, rumors have been reached our neck of the woods about you’re leaving New York?”

“Na, man we’ll never leave New York but it’s nice to change the scenery now and then.”

“Heading for Georgia?”

“Yeah. Home away from home, it has been for the both of us for a very long time now.”

“And you gotta show your little one what the south is really like, right?”

“Right.”

He knew he was keeping his answers almost provocatively short but he was not in the mood at all tonight to talk about either his wife or daughter.

“How old is she now?”

“7 weeks. She’s 7 weeks old.”

“She turned out to be quiet the birthday present for you, didn’t she? You’d share your birthday, January 6th with Melodi.”

“Yeah, she really did manage to surprise us all. It was a surreal birthday but the best one I’ve ever had.”

“Who came up with her name? Melodi Sam Reedus, is that right?”

“Yes. Well… Her middle name was something we discussed even before she was born, seeing as it works for both a boy and a girl but Melodi wasn’t decided until she was born.”

“Any special significance to the names?”

“Yes there is.”

“And…?”

The radio host tried to lure it out of him but he didn’t give in.

“Sorry, man I think we’ll keep that to ourselves.”

“Fair enough. Well, that’s all we have time for today. Thank you, Norman, always a pleasure having you and drive safely.”

“Thanks, I will. And thank you for having me and make sure to catch Walking Dead tonight on AMC. Take care, guys.”

He finished the call and was surrendered by peaceful sounds of his family sleeping. Even the cat’s low purring could be heard in the silent car. As he was stuck in a smaller traffic jam at the moment he took the time to peek into the backset and the extra installed mirror that allowed him to see Melodi in her car seat. His heart melted 10 times over when he found the cat lying with his front paws and head on her tinny feet. The black furry part of their little family hadn’t really warmed up to the newcomer until just a few days ago. He had kept clear from her, watched from a distance mostly but finally he seemed to deiced she was a pretty ok human being as long as she didn’t scream. He started by sleeping under her crib, then at the edge of their bed so that he could actually watch over her when she was sleeping. Now, it seemed the cat had taken the final step and accepted her as part of his pack.

                                            -----------------------------

Jessie opened her green eyes and blinked in the soft morning light. She looked out the window of the moving car and got a bit startled and turned to around to find Norman when she saw a sign that said Charlotte, North Carolina in just a few miles.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Not just you, baby. Mel is still asleep. You both have been for the past 9 hours.”

“Are you ok? You should have waked me up.”

“I’m fine, I made a few stops along the way. But how about we stop for some breakfast? For all of us?”

“Yes please… How about pancakes?”

She spotted a sign for an IHOP.

“It’s still not even 7 am though.”

“Let’s just check it out. Some of them are open 24/7.”

“Alright.”

It turned out Jessie was right this time around and they arrived at an always open IHOP within 10 minutes. She could barley move though when she got out of the car after being stationary in the same position for so long. Norman staggered too at first and they both started laughing when they moved towards Melodi’s door like an 80 year old couple.

“Who would’ve thought, huh?”

He said as he unhooked the car seat while Jessie continued to the truck and grabbed the diaper bag.

“What?”

She asked and shut the trunk hard and tried to stretch a little bit without getting caught. Norman sniggered though and she realized he watched her.

“That we’d actually grow old together.”

She rounded the corner of the car and came face to face with the man she had all intention in the world to grow old with. She really ought to have gotten use to it by now but sometimes his physical appearance knocked her on her ass like it was the first time she saw him. Without glasses and a hat on, his hair was flying wild around his face and he was looking like the finest pair of sex on legs she had ever laid her eyes on.

“Holly shit.”

“What? Do I got something on my face? Why are you staring?”

She grabbed him by the chin and shoved him into a kiss that went on and on until Melodi made it pretty clear to both parents that she had had enough of just waiting.

“You know, sometimes you’re too goddamn hot for your own good.”

He sniggered and blushed at her comment but got over it pretty quickly and grabbed her ass in one big hand and squeezed hard.

“You’re mighty fine too, Mrs. Reedus.”

One more quick kiss was shared between them before Norman picked the car seat back up and they headed into the building to get some much needed breakfast. It was completely empty as far as it came to guests and they were greeted by a sleepy man in his late teens, who welcomed them and presented the menus the moment they sat down at a booth close to the entrance. Jessie ignored the menu and rested her head in one hand while watching the man on the other side of the booth. He was tending to their daughter who had started to fuss the moment he put her down beside him. She listen to him talk to the little girl, soothing her  with love and telling her to just hold on while he unbuckled her as fast as he could.

“See? That was pretty fast, right? Daddy did good, huh?”

He placed her on both underarms and held her head in his hands and leaned over the table, talking to her. She yawned and stretched her little body. She could watch them interact with each other every second of the day. He had so much love in every little thing he did. She had never heard him speak so softly as when he talked to their daughter.

“Did you sleep ok, sweetie? I know it really sucks to be in the car all night but we don’t have that long to go now. Then we will be home and you’ll have your own room… Does she have to sleep in her own room?”

He looked away from the girl and Jessie let out a quiet giggle when he pulled back a little in surprise and blinked at her and she was sure he reacted to her one-sided staring contest.

“I’m taking it you’re not really into the idea.”

“Not at all.”

He confessed and returned his gaze to their topic of discussion. He bent a little closer to her and Meloid’s face turned up in a smile at once.

“You don’t want your own room either, right? You want to stay with mom and dad for a little while longer?”

The girl cooed at her father’s words.

“See. She agrees.”

He said and looked quickly at Jessie.

“Sure she does, babe. We will see what happens when we get home. We could just move her crib into our bedroom.”

“Yes, please.”

“You’re hopeless.”

“She’s so small! She wants us close. Right, Mel, you don’t want to sleep all alone in your own room, 10 miles away?”

“Come on, she’s 2 doors down the hall. She would do fine.”

“But I wouldn’t be fine.”

“I know. Probably me neither…. She needs a new diaper.”

Jessie was halfway up her seat when Norman told her, he would do it. A bit hesitant, she sat back down and watched him grab their daughter more securely in his arms and he grabbed the bag from the floor and headed towards the restrooms.

“Hey! What do you want? The usual?”

“Yeah!”

He called back when she asked and he disappeared from her view. The tired youngster seemed to get the message and shuffled over to her to take her order. Chocolate chip pancakes, 2 omelets, fresh orange juice and coffee.

_Andy: How are you baby girl?_

She read the text but sat staring at the screen, not sure what to answer the man on the side of the world. She was sure Norman had talked to Andy about what had happened and what was going on and he was probably just as up to speed about their relationship as she was.

_How much has my husband told you?_

_Everything_

_Why does that not surprise me?_

_Don’t be mad at him_

_Of course not. I know he tells you everything_

_So how are you J?_

_Better. It’s a lot better. I just can’t wait to get home right now_

_Where are you?_

_Charlotte, somewhere. Not sure. Have been sleeping since we left New York_

_Good, seeing as you haven’t been doing much of that lately_

_It creeps me out a little that you actually do know that Andy. I swear sometimes it’s like u’re in our fucking house_

_Sorry babe, still about 5000 miles away_

_I do miss u_

_Good, coz I miss u 2. How’s Mel?_

_Right now she’s probably getting smothered with hugs and kisses by her dad, so I assume she’s doing really good at the moment_

_Where are u?_

_Just stopped for some breakfast at an IHOP_

_I’m worried about u J_

_Why? Why is everyone so worried about me?_

_Cause u have a lot of people that loves u Jessie. Is it really so hard of u to get that? It should be obvious that people loves u and u worry about the people u love. Especially when u know they’re hurting or not doing good_

_I’m doing ok Andy_

_U need to get it into ur head that you deserve to be more than just ok. U have been so much more than ok since things changed between u guys and I get that things have changed since Melodi was born and that it’s scary as fuck but u shouldn’t be afraid of being alive or loving someone_

_U sound like my fucking shrink_

_And u know they’re always right_

_Yeah… I just need some time to get back on track. And the deep, dark, deserted woods of Georgia. I need to be left alone so fucking much right now_

_Does that mean I shouldn’t text u?_

_Not u asshole! Alone from the rest of the world, everyone that isn’t family_

_Aww Jessie u’re making me cry here. I’m family? I mean, u do actually consider me ur family? For real? That’s the sweeties things u’ve ever said to me_

_How the two of u get through any scenes when being so fucking sentimental is beyond me…._

_U cry like a baby just as much as we do!_

_Do not!_

_I love you Jessie_

_I love you Andy. I would love to see u again soon. Maybe u could come over for St Patrick’s?_

_I’ll talk to the wife. I know she wants to see u and the kids do too_

_So let’s find a way_

_Hell yeah! Call or text or whatever if u need to talk, Normski doesn’t have to know if u don’t want to_

_Thank u Andy_

_Anything for family ♥_

_♥_

She sat smiling at the phone when she saw her other half coming back from the restroom. He had even made the effort to change her PJ’s to an absolute badass all TWD outfit complete with Zombie leggings and the _little ass kicker_ romper that fitted so much better than the first time she had worn it.

“Who’s the secret lover that makes you smile?”

“Andy.”

“Wow, really? And you guys left me out of it?”

She snorted and held out her arms towards him when he was about to take a step into the booth and take his seat. He gave their daughter to her with a kiss on her hair.

“Love the outfit.”

“Yeah, she seemed really pleased to be out of that car seat so I figured it wouldn’t hurt for her to stretch a little bit more. And we had an awesome conversation. She’s becoming quiet the chatter.”

“Wonder where she gets that from?”

She said and was just about to continue when their order was ready and got placed on the table in front of them. It was like the baby girl could sense that they were about to eat and wanted to make sure she wasn’t left out.

“Honestly? Do you’ve a sixth sense about food?”

“Again, wonder where she gets that from?”

“Oh, shut up!”

Norman protested but did a pretty lame job in proving her wrong when he stuffed his mouth full of omelet and drank too much juice and some escaped down his chin.

“I think you just proved my point, babe.”

Jessie winked at him as she picked up the fussing baby and started to feed her at the same time as she stated feeding herself with the pancakes.

                                            -----------------------------------

Their first night back in Georgia left her with a feeling of extreme relief. Like the weight of the world has been lifted off of her shoulders just by breathing in the fresh air and hearing nothing but silence.

She wasn’t the only one seeming to enjoy being back in the house. The black cat was running around the house like a maniac until Jessie finally had had enough and shut him in the only remaining guestroom on the first floor. She felt Norman’s narrowed eyes following her when she caught the animal and carried him away but he stayed quiet.

“You know I love him just as much as you do but he’s fucking insane.”

She said when she came back and he still looked at her with improving eyes. He shook his head once at her before going back to sorting through the fridge and pantry.

 “He’s just happy to be home, babe.”

He said with his back turned to her. She joined their daughter on the floor and stretched her arms over her head and breathed in slowly and deeply. Melodi was practicing holding her head up as she was lying on her stomach on the living room carpet.

“Makes us two.”

She said and closed her eyes.

“I am too… This is going to make things better. Right?”

“Yeah. It’s already better. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Her head spun a little but it wasn’t because of the all the bad shit that had happened lately. She was just trying to wrap her head around the fact that she was about to start a new chapter in her life as a parent. Norman was no longer going to be there to help out on a daily basis. And there was no one else around that could or she would let, help her with Melodi. Tomorrow was a new beginning for everyone in the family.

Melodi was already an expert at feeling the different emotions coming from her parents and it was probably why she woke up 5 in the morning and was not in the mood at all to go back to sleep. All that helped was for Jessie to feed the little girl but she knew it really wasn’t about getting food. She had learned the difference signs since long but Melodi showed her pretty clearly this morning and kept moving her head between eating and looking up at her mother over and over again. It was like she wanted to make sure she could keep an eye on her mother. Jessie knew of course that that wasn’t the case, the baby girl wasn’t old enough but it didn’t mean she couldn’t feel all the different emotions that Jessie felt.

She was nervous but she couldn’t really tell what it was that made her nervous. She knew she could take care of her daughter on her own but a small part of her doubted herself.

It turned out she worried and doubted herself all in vain though. Their first day together went extremely smooth and was uneventful. Jessie even managed to fit in an hour and a half of exploring the studio that Norman indeed had made sure was ready in the basement, while Melodi slept on at least half a dozen blankets on the floor. When she submerged to the first floor, however, she heard her phone ring somewhere in the kitchen. She didn’t find the phone in time and cursed when she missed the call but ended up gaping at the display when she had 14 missed calls. 12 from Norman and the 2 from Tim. The doorbell rang and before she could take a step towards it, it opened and Tim walked in, calling out for her in panic as he did.

“I’m right here, your idiot. Seriously, is Norman’s paranoia really that infectious?”

The man haltered in his tracks when Jessie took a step out from behind the kitchen counter with her phone in on hand and Melodi on the other arm. If she would’ve been able too, she would’ve crossed her arms tightly over her chest. The glare she managed though and Tim stepped back from her anger.

“Sorry.”

He said quickly and his voice was a little breathy as though he had been running from the car but he didn’t stop to catch his breath or address her any more than that before he picked up his phone and called someone.

“She’s here…. No, she’s right here. Probably going to kill me within the next seconds though… Yeah, she’s pissed…. I’ll do my best.”

She decided to ignore the two overprotective men in her life and turned to the fridge to get something to eat. She placed the leftover chicken from last night on the counter and stated eating the cold strips of meat.

“Peace?”

She shook her head when Tim carefully approached her. He sighed but simply leaned over the counter and grabbed a piece of the food as well.

“He just loves-“

“Nope, I’m still going to be pissed for a little while longer, you overprotected bastards.”

“Fair enough.”

She spent a few more moments giving the man the cold shoulder and ignored him. Melodi didn’t though. She had started to get very curious about other people and when Tim leaned closer to her so she could actually make him out, she started wriggling her little body.

“Well played.”

She gave up when they stated conversing with each other and Tim made the weirdest and sweetest sounds to make the baby smile. She walked reached across the counter and gave him the girl and couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face when he took her and kissed her little head. She really had made everyone she had ever come in contact with, love her.

“She’s adorable.”

Jessie grabbed a bottle of water and walked around to the other side and sat down beside Tim and reached and slid the leftovers to stand between them.

“Fine, I’ll bite.”

“Good… He freaked out when you didn’t answer your phone so he called me and asked me to just check on you. But then when you didn’t answer for another 10 minutes, I’ll admit he was a bit panicky. What were you doing?”

“Dancing.”

“Oh….Sorry.”

“You’re apologizing for Norman being an ass?”

Tim chuckled, which made Melodi let out a happy coo and waved her arms towards the man.

“Yeah, I guess I am… Call him, please. For your own good, Jess, call him. Give the man some peace of mind.”

“Na, I will let him sweat a little bit more. This overprotecting bullshit has to stop, Tim. I’m surrendered by a fucking fence’s, an alarm that goes straight to the sheriff’s office and you and Stacy.”

“It will never be enough for him, you know that.”

“I know. Maybe we should move to Alaska or something. Or Antarctica would be better, less people, lost of penguins.”

“I’d love penguins.”

The man said but had eyes only for the girl sitting with his help on the counter. She looked back at him and waved her arms.

                                            -------------------------------------------

Norman heard the music coming from the basement and headed down the stairs at once. After his miner panic attack his first day he had tried to go a lot easier on Jessie. He was still worried but half a week into their news life’s it was starting to get easier to leave in the morning. He was still hurrying back home and tried to cut the days as short as possible but the clock was already past 9 and he just hopped that Melodi wasn’t down for the night yet.

He jumped the last 2 steps and turned directly to his left and the open door to the studio where he knew he would find her. The past week she had toned it down and the hiphop/street dancing had turned into contemporary and the soft tunes of a song he didn’t know at all filled the room when he carefully made his way inside. Their daughter was lying on her belly on the floor and practiced her turning and he made a byline for her. She gave an angry protest when she was being lifted off of the floor. Once she recognized her father though, the anger turned unto a shrike of happiness and she waved her arms right in his face when he started kissing her all over the face.

“Could you take my phone and record this? I think I’ve got it.”

Jessie was breathless when she took a short break and drank some water and spoke to him from the center of the room. He looked up and gave her a short nod before moving back to the wall without mirrors and leaned against it, placed Melodi securely in his lap and grabbed Jessie’s phone from the shelf with the media center just above his head.

The song started over and he followed her through the phones camera. And he could’ve stayed there until the end of time. Watching her move across the floor with such grace and perfection was something he would never get tired off. She was the most beautiful creature to ever set foot on this planet and when she danced her beauty became even more pronounced.

And then he actually heard the lyrics of the song that played and he felt the tears come before he could really understand why.

_I’m out on the edge and I’m screaming my name_

_Like a fool at the top of lungs_

_Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I’m alright_

_But it’s never enough_

The phone shook just a little but he managed to record the whole thing. The moment the song was over though and Jessie had ended up at the other end of the room, he turned the phone off and tried to hide the fact that he had been crying before she could notice.

“It’s mom’s birthday today.”

“I know. March 2nd, I remember… 65, right? She would’ve turned 65 today?”

“Yeah. Why are you crying?”

“Why do you want to scream at the top of your lungs?”

She gave a weak chuckle that was without humor as she sank to the floor, leaning against the wall just as he was.

“I’ve been. Probably scared a family of deer half to death this morning. And Eye.”

“You’re having a bad day.”

She dropped her gaze to the floor for a second at his statement and when she looked back up, tears were visible in her eyes and she nodded.

“I’m having a shitty day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. I just want to crawl up somewhere and wait for it to be over.”

“It will never be over, Jessie.”

“I know… Could you take her upstairs for a while? I need to be alone.”

“Ok.”

 He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes, grabbed Melodi harder before standing up and without another word walked up the stairs. He heard her say something about leftovers in the fridge but he couldn’t think about food at the moment. Melodi however seemed to think food was a good idea and she started to fuss the second he reached the kitchen so he quickly made her a bottle and headed to her nursery.

It really was tearing him in two but he knew better then not to listen to Jessie when she asked to be alone. But at the same time he hated leaving her alone when she was having a bad day. Tomorrow he would fly across the Atlantic and be gone for more days he wanted and really was comfortable with. A part of him wanted to bring them but a bigger part wanted them to never leave the house and stay safe that way.

He took a seat in the white rocking chair and got comfy with his daughter and she quickly settled down when she got the bottle. He snuggled her close and kissed her hair when she looked back at him.

“I’m gonna miss you, baby. So much. You gotta take care of mommy for a few days now, ok? Be good to her.”

He could feel the music from the basement more than she could actually hear it. He had soundproofed the room but the base made the floor vibrate just the little. She must have turned up the volume to maximum and it must hurt her ears but it probably helped her tune out everything else. And if that was what she needed right now, so be it. He just prayed he would be able to at least spend a few hours with her before he was leaving.

There were so much on his mind at the moment that despite the fact at he had been working for 12 hours straight, he couldn’t find enough peace to go to sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting with her, but Melodi finished eating and fell asleep in his arms and he stayed right there, rocking her gently and holding her close. And underneath him, the music kept playing and Jessie was still absent.

His phone vibrated in his pocket in the middle of a deep thought and it took him a few seconds to place where the sound was coming from. Melodi was completely out and didn’t even make a move when he took it out, saw Andy’s face on the screen and answered with a confused ‘hallo’. It was the middle of the night in London.

“Hey, bud. How are you doing?”

“I’m ok. Why are you calling in the middle of the night?”

“It’s 6.30 in the morning over here, Norm.”

“Really?”

He took the phone away at Andy’s words and checked the time on the display and realized that the man was actually right. He had been sitting there with his baby girl for more than 3 hours.

“Norm? You’re there?”

“Yeah… Sorry… Ok, so why are you calling me in the middle of the night? I might’ve been sleeping.”

“You might but you’re not. I just wanted to make sure Jessie was alright. She didn’t answer her phone so… Is she ok?”

“I don’t know. What makes you think she wouldn’t be ok?”

“She just seems very emotional at the moment and it’s her mom’s birthday, right?”

“Wait…What are you talking about, Andy? How do you know this?”

“Your wife updated her Instagram and Youtube page not long ago.”

“You don’t do social media.”

“I am!”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m fucking learning, ok? But alright, Gale showed me. But you’re avoiding the question. How’s Jessie?”

“Not good.”

“How bad is it?”

“Bad enough that I’m not really looking forward seeing you tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, man.”

“Yeah…”

He sighed and the line fell silent for a long moment and they simply listened to each other breath. Then Andy finally spoke.

“Then bring them along. They can stay here. Maybe she needs a change of scenery.”

“Really? That would be ok?”

“Of course, Norman.”

“I’ll talk to her. Thanks, Andy. I really don’t want to leave her alone right now. I know she will be fine and take care of Mel but I...”

“You’re worried about her.”

“Yeah. It’s better but days like these… She just hits rock bottom so fast and it hasn’t been like this for a very long time.”

“She has had a lot to handle lately.”

“Has she talked to you?”

“We’ve been texting a little but no, nothing very special. She doesn’t say much. I mean, she never really has but she… She’s very quiet, not herself.”  

“Yeah, I know. It’s scary as fuck, but she’s going to be fine. We’re working on it, she just needs some time to adjust.”

“What is she doing? I called her like 4 times.”

“She’s dancing.”

“Well, that’s good.”

“Yeah, I think it really helps.”

“Well, talk to her about it. How’s Melodi?”

“She’s completely out in my arms. Probably should try and get some sleep while she is too. I’ll talk to Jess and get in touch with you tomorrow no matter what we decide to do, ok?”

“Sounds good. I love you. “

“I love you too, Andy.”

                                            ----------------------------------    

_March 4 th 2017 _

_There’re back. The nightmares are back. Woke myself by screaming and here I’m in the middle of the night, trying to put to words why this is happening now. I guess the easy answer is that he’s not here with me but I know they won’t go away even if Norm was here and not across the sea. I’m not even sure I miss him anymore. And it’s fucked up. I’m fucked up. They keep telling me it’s not my fault, that it’s going to be better, easier. But I can’t see it. I’m losing myself and I don’t know what to do to fix it. I know he’s scared to death about what’s going on and I want to try. For him. For Melodi. For Mingus. They deserve it. I should be able to pull my shit together for them. Instead, all I’m thinking about right now is Jacob. It feels like I’m back at square one. Back to that first month after everything happened and I was just completely numb. It’s exhausting to force the smiles and laughs and try to act normal around Mel and Tim and it’s a good thing Norman’s not here right now. He would see right through me. And I want to try to fix this on my own. Well, with some help from the shrink but if he saw me now he would drive me to the closest rehab facility. Maybe that’s what I really need but it would feel like I failed. Mostly him. Because he’s the reason I got out of it the first time and I don’t want to fail him._     

Jessie scribbled down every disorienting thought that came to mind in a haste before she changed her mind about actually writing it down. Then she quickly shut the book and hid it where she knew Norman wouldn’t find it. And although she knew it was no use, she went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep next to her still sleeping daughter. She was so like Norman when it came to sleeping, nothing woke her up. Well, at least like Norman had been back in the day she thought. Now he slept just as uneasy as she did but she knew that was her own fault. If she didn’t sleep, neither did he most of the time.

She had been offered sleeping pills from her shrink for her problems but it would mean she would’ve to stop breast feeding Melodi and that was something she really didn’t want to give up yet. But as the week without Norman dragged on and she hadn’t gotten a solid night sleep it started to go downhill very quickly. She turned into a robot, doing everything on routine. Besides sleeping. She didn’t call Norman anymore. He called her but she never answered. She just texted him instead, saying she was too busy to talk. Truth was she knew he would hear it on her voice the moment she opened her mouth and spoke to him. He knew her that well and he would be on the first flight home.

_Friday March 10 th 2017 _

_I’m afraid to close my eyes at night. That’s why I’m not sleeping. I’m afraid of what I’m going to see this time. I know Jacob is going to be there and I know I won’t be able to help him although he’s screaming. He’s hurting and lost and I can’t help him or find him and I know it’s not real. He’s not really there but the moment I hear his voice my heart start to beat out of my chest and I panic. Last night mom and dad were there too. They were burning. They just stood there, right in front of me and burned._

She haltered in her writing when she saw headlight from a car outside the bedroom window.  Knowing Tim had left a few hours earlier, saying he had something he had to take care of in Atlanta, she returned to her journal without thinking too much about it.

_I still remember what it was like 2 months ago when she was born. I remember how good I felt and how great everything was. I remember but it’s starting to slip through my fingers. Just like I started to forget all the good times with Jacob and was just left with the image of a burning baby boy. I’m afraid I’m starting to lose the good time with Melodi too. I know she’s still here, right beside me but I’m starting to think it’s just a matter of time. It was too good to be true._

A soft knock on the door made her look up and before she could say anything, Tim stuck in his head inside.

“Hey. Can I come in?”

He asked carefully. She closed the book and nodded and he stepped inside the room and walked across the floor and took a seat on Melodi’s side of the bed. She saw him reach out and take the sleeping child in his arms but she couldn’t form the words of protest that she wanted to say. He stood and looked at her with tears in his eyes. Jessie’s throat contracted and she couldn’t get enough air.

“I’ll take care of her, Jessie. I promise. Norman will be home in the morning but until then I’ll look after her. Ok?”

She saw his lips move and she heard the words he spoke but she couldn’t make any sense of them. She could make out a shadow beside her bed and someone else was talking to her but all she saw was Melodi in the man’s arms. She was burning and when she finally managed to get some air into her lungs again she screamed until something pinched her and everything turned black and she fell down a dark and long tunnel.


	9. Sedated

Mingus was in school when his phone vibrated in his pocket and he saw his dad’s number on display when he took a quick look at it. He dismissed the call as he was in the middle of a math class but when the 4th call came within just as many minutes came, he excused himself out in the hallway.

“Dad, I’ve a class. What’s so important?”

“Sorry, I-I-you…I need….”

His father couldn’t string a sentence together through the hysterical sobbing and Mingus blood froze in his vains.

“What’s going on, dad? Is everything ok?”

“No. I know shouldn’t ask but I need your help.”

“Anything. Is Jessie ok? Mel?”

“Your sister is fine.”

“But not Jessie?”

“No. It’s been getting worse and I haven’t talked to her since I left. She doesn’t want to talk. She just texts me, saying everything is fine and that’s she busy.”

By these words, Mingus turned straight back into the classroom, got his bag and left again without as much as an explanation to his confused classmates and teacher. He was already on his way to the exit when his dad seemed to be able to calm himself down just a little bit and continue explaining what was going on.

“I talked to her shrink and Tim and she’s not sleeping. I mean, not at all and she has been missing her Skype appointments with the shrink for the past 3 days. So she called me and I called Tim and he called the shrink and… She called me back and started talking about child service and shit and I-I’m fucking stuck at the airport 10 000 fucking miles away and-Please, Mingus you gotta help her.”

He was already outside the building and hauled a cab without thinking and told the driver to take him to the airport.

“Dad, I’m-“

“I know I shouldn’t ask and I’m sorry for-“

“Shut up! Of course I’ll go. I’m heading straight for the airport, ok? I’ll go down there. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

He heard him take a deep breath and exhaled slowly.    

“Thank you, Mingus.”

“She’s family, dad of course I’ll help.”

“Just text Tim your flight info and he will come and get you.”

“Ok. When’s your flight?”

“Not for another hour.”

“You’re not alone, are you?”

“No, Andy’s here.”

“Good.”

“I’ll book a flight for you. What time is it at home? Fuck, I’m sorry I can’t even th-“

“Dad, it’s ok. Let Andy take care of it. It’s 1:15 right now.”

“Ok. I love you. I love you so much, Mingus.”

“I love you too, dad.”

Even before he got to La Guardia, he had got a text from Andy with his flight information and a booking reservation for a 2:30 flight. He was making good time but yet he rushed out of the cab, threw some money at the driver and rushed into the terminal. It was like he was in a race when he found and printed out his boarding pass, rushed to security, made it through and ran to the gate. Once there he finally halted and cursed when he wouldn’t be able to do shit about the plane not leaving for another 40 minutes. Then he realized he needed to inform his mother about what was going on.

_Don’t freak out mom but I’m at the airport and are leaving for Atlanta in like half an hour. Jessie is not doing so good and dad is still in Europe so he asked me to go to her_

_What do you mean not doing so good? What’s going on?_

_I’m not sure. She hasn’t been sleeping. She’s having a really hard time_

_Let me know when you get there and keep me posted. I love you_

_I love you too mom. Thanks for understanding_

_Be safe baby_

_Always am_

He was the first one in line and the first person inside the plan and seated in his chair in the front row. Then there was nothing else for him but wait. 2 hours and 20 minutes had never felt so long before. He spent most of the trip on his phone though and particular answering confused texts from his friends at school about his sudden absent.

Tim was there to pick him up and without even saying hi to the man he asked about Jessie.

“Buckle up, kid.”

“Damnit, Tim! Just tell me what the fuck is going on?”

“What did your dad tell you?”

“That she hadn’t talked to the therapist and not sleeping. But dad was hysterical. Is it really that bad? I mean, what does not sleeping mean?”

“I haven’t seen her sleep for 76 hours.”

He didn’t know what to say after Tim’s words. He tried a few times to open his mouth and ask another question but nothing came out. He had no words for this and Tim seemed to understand he needed some space. He heard him say something about picking up some medical personal on the way but other than that, Mingus just tried to focus on keeping himself breathing and survive the hour long car ride.

When they drove through the gate and Tim slowed down outside however, he quickly blocked the teenager from rushing out the door. Quickly he leaned over him and closed the car door hard. Mingus rounded on the man at once and cursed loudly at him.

“What the fuck?!”

“Listen, I’m not sure it’s such a good idea you go inside just yet. They’re going to have to sedate her and that’s something you don’t want to witness.”  

He felt his eyes getting glassy and angrily he wiped them away before managing to breath out a ‘why’.

“It’s for her own good.”

Mingus snapped his head back to the backset and found a grey-haired, elderly woman that had to be Jessie’s shrink, looking back at him. She leaned forward and placed a careful hand on his shoulder.

“I’m doctor Maria Jason. We haven’t had a chance to meet. You’re Mingus.”

She saved him the trouble of introducing himself. He wasn’t sure he would’ve been able to even if she asked. He simply nodded.

“I get how confusion this must be to you. I got a call from a collogue of mine, the therapist Jessie has been seeing the past couple of weeks-

“Wait. You’re not her shrink?”

“Not for the past weeks, no. I was however the one she saw after her suicide attempt and I’ve been keep tracks of her. I’m sure you can understand why. Her currant therapist called me this morning for a consultation and after talking to her and Tim and your father we both agreed we had to intervene before-“

“She would never try to kill herself again!”

“I didn’t say she would but there’re some different circumstances that forced us to this.”

“You mean Melodi.”

“It’s our obligation to intervene if a child is in danger in any way and since you’re father is over sea’s… Listen, I just want what’s best for Jessie. I care about her, we got very close but she has a history of mental illness that I can’t just let slide.”

“If you take Melodi, she’s not going to recover, ever.”

“No one is taking your sister away, I swear to you, Mingus. But we’ve to remove her from her mother right now. Jessie has acute sleep deprivation.”

“What does that mean?”

“That I need to reduces the extreme stress that she’s putting herself through right now. And the only way to do that is to sedate her.”

“Not in a fucking hospital!”

“Mingus-“

“No! She’s going to fucking freak if she wakes up somewhere else and Melodi isn’t there!”

The woman looked at him for a long moment and just when he was about to open his mouth to protest all over again, she nodded.

“Ok. We’ll stay here. You’re probably right.”

“How long will she be under if you sedate her?”

“For as long as her body needs to recover. It could be as long as 36 hours. We’re doing this to help her, Mingus. She needs help or Melodi is going to end up with Child Service.”

“Can’t I just try to talk to her?”

“You gottta trust me, if I thought it would work, I would let you but I’m not willing to take that chance.”

It was his turn to scrutinize the woman for a moment. He couldn’t make either heads or tail about what was going on but he decided to trust the woman.

“Stay here until I come and get you, ok? Think you can do that?”

Tim asked.

“No but I will do it anyway.”

“Good. I know how much she means to you, Mingus.”

“No you don’t.”

He said, glaring just a little as the man looked over at him from the half closed car door. Tim smiled just a little before closing the door, leaving him inside all alone. Mingus stuck his hands under himself to keep himself from opening the door and just run after them. His heart was still beating franticly but not in it usual place. It was like his heartbeat had moved up to his head and he could hear every panicked beat.

Twilight was closing in fast all around him and although he was sure he wouldn’t have been able to make out the house if the porch lights hadn’t been on, his eyes got used to the darkness pretty fast. His ears were on hyper alert as well and the smallest sound made him jump. When his phone rang he jumped so much he hit his head at the roof of the car and he cursed when he tried to retrieve the phone from his back pocket. Just as he answered his father’s call however, the air around him was filled with a scream full of terror and panic and it made Mingus cry out at as well. He dropped his phone in his hast to get the door open, kicked it hard and scrambled to his feet. Jessie’s name kept leaving his lips over and over as he jumped the 5-step front stairs in one leap and throw open the door.

He turned at once towards the continued screaming coming from the master bedroom. The closer he got, the fainter the scream got and when he finally reached the bedroom, the scream had turned into weak whispers. He saw the doctor place a syringe at the bedside table from her place at the edge of the bed. She was holding Jessie’s hand in her own and the other was placed on her head, carefully stroking her hair. Without taking notice of the other two people in the room, Mingus moved to the other side of the bed and quickly climbed into it and got as close to Jessie’s other side as he could get. She kept whispering incoherent words as her eyes darted in and out of focus and kept closing and opening over and over.

Her eyes were red shoot and darker than he had ever seen them. She was so black and blue around her eyes, it looked like she had been in a pretty bad fight.

“Stay with her.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He answered the doctor without looking up at her. At the corner of his eye, however, he saw the female nod in his direction before she stood. Jessie fell quiet and closed her eyes and Mingus could feel her body shut down under his hands. Her heart rate and breathing slowed and her entire body went limb.

“Now what?”

“Now we just wait. She’ll need fluids and probably some nutrition as well.”

“You’re not taking her to a hospital!”

He reminded the doctor again, no trace of reasoning in his voice. They would’ve to move her over his dead body. He had no experience or knowledge about this at all but he knew Jessie and she would never be the same if she was taking to a hospital or some other facility and not being able to have Melodi close by. The doctor stared at the back of his head but she quietly told him, she would make a few calls and arrange for a nurse to come out. He said a firm ‘good’ to her but added a ‘thank you’ once she walked towards the door.

Once the doctor left the room, it was like he started breathing again and his hearing was back to normal function. Which meant he quickly picked up on his fussing baby sister somewhere out in the living room. He would have to make sure she was ok but Tim seemed to have her under control at the moment so he refocused on Jessie. He tucked her in more securely and snuggly in the bed and once he was done, the only thing that reviled that nothing was the same anymore was Jessie’s dark circles under her eyes. And maybe the fact that she was breathing just a little too slowly.

Some extreme efficiency that he was not at all familiar with, filled him up when he had made sure Jessie was secure and he realized there was nothing he could do for her at the moment. He kissed her forehead before turning quickly and walked out from the bedroom and headed straight for Tim, who was pacing the living room floor with Melodi fussing in his arms. He looked around and found the doctor in the kitchen talking on her phone.

He really wanted to talk to her, sort everything out at once, but seeing as she was probably on the phone to actually get Jessie help, he headed for his little sister instead. Tim seemed pretty relived when he offered to take over and he quickly placed the baby girl in his arms.

“Has she eaten?”

“Yes. Jessie feed her before I left to get you and there’s an empty bottle in the kitchen that I guess she gave it to her before putting her to sleep.”

“So she really has taken care of her?”

“Yeah of course. If that hadn’t been the case I would’ve sound the alarm a lot sooner. The routine of taking care of Melodi has been like clockwork every single day since your dad left. She just hasn’t slept. It really didn’t get bad until last night. I woke up 2.30 in the morning and found her sitting outside on the porch, talking to herself.”

Mingus walked over to his favorite armchair while Tim talked. After getting into the most comfortable position he could muster, knowing he would be stuck there for a while, he placed Melodi on his chest. The girl took one quick look up at him before placing her head just above his heart and was asleep within in a minute.

“She’s not talking to herself. She’s talking to her family.”

The doctor was done with her phone call and joined Tim on the sofa in front of Mingus. Both men turned to her at once and stared.

“Sorry?”

“She’s talking to her family, her sister mostly.”

“Are you saying she’s crazy? That she sees things?”

“No, not at all, Mingus. She’s not crazy, it’s just her way to coop. She has always talked to them and it’s nothing wrong with that. But it has gotten a lot more… Intense the past couple of weeks.”

“It was like she was having an actual conversation with someone out there. I thought she was on the phone first.”

Tim explained and the doctor nodded at him.

“Yeah, I understand she has stated to actually see them again but most of the time… She told me she use to see them burn. When things hit rock bottom she saw them burn everywhere which is what’s happening now. She’s afraid of closing her eyes because she’ll see them the second it happens.”

“So she’s not sleeping because she’s afraid of what she’s going to see?”

“Essential, yes.”

“Why? Why is this happening?”

“You’re holding the answer in your arms.”

The woman gestured to the sleeping infant on his chest and he looked down on her blond little head.

“She’s the reason?”

“She reminds Jessie of Jacob. She remembers every little thing from the short months she had with him and having Melodi is a constant reminder of that time. It probably just caught up with her and hit extremely hard it seems. And everything else that has been going with the death threats and moving and simply the life you guys live… It got too much to handle.”

“She loves-“

“Of course. It’s not about that, she loves her daughter unconditionally but there’re things she can’t control right now and need help to get through.”

“But she reached out! She asked for help.”

“She did and that’s great and it helped but then things changed pretty quickly again, they moved here and Mr. Reedus started working and she stopped talking to her therapist. It’s no one’s fault, Mingus and I’m not sure all the therapy in the world could’ve prevented this to happen. If she would’ve kept to her appointments it probably wouldn’t have gone this far and she would’ve known how to handle it better but blaming someone for this won’t make things better and it won’t help Jessie get better.”

“What will make things better?”

“Just making sure she sleeps at night will help enormously but since she refuses to take sleeping pills it’ll take some work. Right now we just need to focus on getting through this hour by hour.”

“Ok. Thank you. Thank you for helping her.”

“Of course. Do you have any idea when your dad is getting here?”

“I’m not sure-Fuck! My phone… I think I answered when he called but I dropped it when I ran in here.”

“I’ll get it. And I talked to him after that. He probably woke the whole damn plane when he yelled but I talked to him and when I showed him Melodi, he settled down.”

Tim got to his feet while he spoke and headed towards the front door. Mingus called after him and thanked him but the man just waved it away and continued outside.

                                            --------------------------------

It was with a lot of effort, but Andy finally managed to convince Norman to sleep for a few hours. He had begged at first but when that didn’t help, he played the pissed card instead and at first Norman just yelled back but finally his argument about Melodi needing her father to be clear in the head, worked and his best friend fell into an uneasy sleep. Andy followed right after but he slept just as uneasy and uncomfortable as the older man on their direct flight from Madrid to Atlanta. It was 10 hours of hell although they both slept, or whatever it was that they did, for the last 3 hours.

He would never have image he had to see his best friends in a worse state than when Jessie crashed her bike. But when he had gotten a visit from one of Norman’s agents in the middle of the night telling him, he needed to go see him at once, Andy had got annoyed at first and thought it was just another prank.

The agent had been on the phone when he walked Andy back to Norman’s room, yelling and cursing at the person on the other line about just getting it done and find something ASAP. Just as seeing Jessie after the accident, the image of Norman when he finally reached his friend’s room, would haunt him forever. He could hear the hysterical sobs long before he actually opened the door and stepped in alone. Norman had been running around like a maniac in the small hotel room without seeming to know what he actually was doing. Andy had had to physical grab him and wrestled him to the floor to be able to break through to him. He hadn’t made any sense at all when Andy tried to force some kind of explanation out of him. He just kept yelling that he had to get home while he tried to break free from Andy. It had taken him half an hour to grasp what was going on. Norman hadn’t been able to say more than just needing to get home while repeating Jessie and Melodi’s names over and over as he packed his bags. But finally Andy had gotten hold of Tim and panic just as much as Norman and he could barley remember how the hell they got to the airport, let alone on the plane and off again half a lifetime later it felt like.  

They had never moved so quickly through Atlanta airport before. Security personal met them right at the gate when they were the first once off of the plane and together they sprinted through the entire building and met up with Tim.

As they finally were on the right side of the world again and Andy actually started to recognize the roads and buildings around him, he started to find his focus again. The first question he was aware of asking was directed to Tim.

“How is she?”

The man glanced over his shoulder real quick and looked back at him. Next to Andy, Norman cursed when he noticed they had had to stop at a red light. Tim ignored Norman.

“Sleeping.”

“Freely?”

“No. She’s sedated.”

Andy felt like his heart dropped through his entire body and landed somewhere between his legs by Tim’s words. They had been told it would have to happen but to actually hear that it had gotten that far this time, made him feel sick. He knew Norman would blame himself for this and an extremely small portion of Andy’s brain actually agreed. If she would’ve come to London and stayed with him and his family, maybe this would’ve happen. But Norman hadn’t been able to convince her and simply agreed when she had told him, she needed some alone time. There was no point in arguing about that now though. They had to focus on getting Jessie out of this hellhole and arguing or blaming one another wasn’t helping anyone.

“Mr. Reedus? I’m not sure you’re aware but Miss Christensen arrived a few hours ago.”

Norman didn’t respond at all to the information but kept looking out the window with a scary empty look in his eye.

“Helena’s here?”

“Yes. She wanted to make sure the kids were ok. And Jessie too of course.”

“Yeah… How’s the kids?”

“They’re fine.”

At these words, Norman made a movement but never looked around or changed his starring out into nothing.

“Melodi?”

“Yeah, she’s ok. She was still asleep when I left, they both were. He’s really great with her, didn’t even take him a minute to make her go back to sleep.”

To his surprise, Andy felt himself smile and it was a relief to know he could still feel some kind of hope in all this mess. Somehow the two things were connected. As long as Melodi was ok, her mother would be ok as well.

Tim hadn’t fully stopped the car before Norman was out the door and leaped up the front steps and threw the door open. Andy tried to keep up but got caught in the seatbelt and cursed quietly before getting out a second later but his friend was nowhere to be seen. The house was quiet when he stepped inside. The morning sun had still not made its way over the top of the trees and everything seemed very peaceful. As he took of his shoes and jacket at the door, he spotted Helena in the kitchen, making coffee and once he stepped further into the house, he found Mingus and Melodi asleep in an armchair in the living room. Andy swallowed back tears as he laid his eyes on the little girl asleep on her brother’s chest, not a care in the world about what was going on. He jumped a little when the door closed behind him and Tim walked past him and he realized he had been stationary for too long.

“She’s in the bedroom.”

“He needs to be alone with her right now.”

“He won’t be. They just started examining her.”

Andy looked away from the kids and noticed that Helena had made her way over to him. He blinked in confusion and frowned a little.

“They’re just checking her pulse and blood pressure and all that… It’s good to see you again, Andrew. Wish it would’ve been under difference circumstances but… Here we are.”

“Hey, Helena. How are you?”

Andy took a step forward and embraced the woman.

“I’m ok. You look like hell though.”

Andy managed to snigger.

“Yeah, I guess I am. It’s been one hell of a flight. When did you get here?”

“About 3 hours ago. I couldn’t just stay in New York when I knew Mingus was here and Jessie’s not… Doing well.

“ Norman’ll be glad you’re here.”

“I’m not even sure he saw me. He just ran straight past me after he made sure the kids were ok. I tried to talk to him but-“

“It’s nothing personal, Helena. He hasn’t said a word since we landed.”

“I know. it’s just hard to see him so… Distressed.”

Her eyes teared up a little before she quickly looked away and asked him if he wanted coffee. Andy smiled kindly at the woman and put an comforting hand on her back as they made their way back to the kitchen. He asked her to sit and he quickly waved away her protest when she wanted to serve him coffee, telling her, he knew this place like the back of his hand. It earned him a small smile from the woman and she thanked him when he poured up 3 big mugs of coffee.

“How long has she been asleep?”

“Since like 10 last night. So a little more than 8 hours by now. The medical team arrived right before me and they were preparing IV’s when I went to see her.”

“Why?”

“Apparently it’s going to help her recover, restart her brain or something, I’m not sure really but seeing as she might be asleep for up to 36 hours I guess it makes sense they she needs fluids and nutrition.”

“We should call Maya and-“

“I did. Well, texted her. And Sean. It’s still real earlier so I figured normal people are still asleep so I didn’t want to call and wake them up. Maya got back to me just minutes ago, saying she just had to make arrangement at work before flying down here.”

“And Sean?”

“Haven’t heard anything from him yet.”

“Thank you for being here.”

“Of course, it’s-“

“No, it’s not…. You have no obligation to be here, let alone help out like this.”

“We’re a family. One big, happy, dysfunctional family. I haven’t always seen eye to eye with Jessie or Norman for that matter after they started seeing each other but she’s part of our family and so is Melodi. Of course I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Thank you.”

Tim got back from wherever he had been and sat heavily beside Andy, who slid the left over mug of coffee close to the man’s hands. He gave a thankful nod and took a long drink.

The sound of raised voices made all three adults in the kitchen look up as one and directed their eyes to the hallway. Norman’s angry curses could be heard clearly as a door opened and closed the same second. He yelled something about staying the fuck away and before either of them could move towards the commotion, three, to Andy, unknown people appeared. He quickly figured they had to be the medical personal Helena had mentioned and he was half way up his chair when the oldest woman stopped him with a gesture.

“Don’t get up, you look like you need to stay right there, Mr. Lincoln.”

He was used to people knowing his name but it still annoyed him a little and especially now when he really just wanted to know what was going on. He didn’t had to have that feeling for long though as the woman who spoke to him, walked up to him, reached out her hand and introduced herself as Maria Jason, psychologist. The introduction was followed by an explanation about who she was and what had happened while they were still at the other end of the world. Norman had gotten the same explanation but for some reason gotten upset and thrown them all out of the room and slammed the door in their faces. The other two younger woman were both nurses but they didn’t seem to have any interested in telling him more than just their names. Liza and Michelle.

“So how’s she doing?”

“As expected. Her blood pressure is going down, which is good. It was sky high the first time we checked.”

“And what about him?”

Helena asked.

“I’m not sure he actually heard a thing I told him. He probably needs to be alone with her for now and take it all in. Then maybe he’ll be able to listen. You should all try and get some sleep, there’s nothing either of you can do right now anyway.”

“Including you too, doc.”

Tim said.

“Yes. We’ll be upstairs if you need us. Thank you, Miss Christensen.”

“Of course.”

Andy followed the three women as they made their way through the house and up the stairs where Andy assumed Helena had arrange for them to have somewhere to sleep for a few hours.

“How the hell can they be asleep through all this?”

Andy nodded his head back to the living room and they still asleep kids. Helena chuckled and shook her head.

“No idea. I’m just grateful they can.”


	10. You go, I go

He slammed the door in the face of the three women who had been in their bedroom when he rushed inside. One of them had tried to talk to him but he had just heard a fraction of the words she spoke. At the word ‘hospitalization’, something in him had snapped and he had forced them out of the room.

He crawled into bed and grabbed her lifeless body. She didn’t as much as twitch a finger by his hard embrace when he cradled her as close as he possible could. An IV was attached to the top of her right hand and he got the urge to just rip it out but managed to stop the impulse.

Feeling her body against his calmed his racing heart some. It didn’t help but it was a little bit easier when he was finally where he was supposed to be. He would never be able to forgive himself for this. The forbidden thought that she might not make it through this alive had made his own end so much more evident. If she died, he would choose to follow her. It wasn’t fair to the rest of his family but he had made up his mind about that a long time ago. This was why he pressed his lips to her forehead and spoke with a cracked voice.

“If you let go, I’ll let go too.”

He fell into a disorienting kind of sleep where he wasn’t sure if he was awake or asleep for hours. At some point someone entered the room with their daughter and a woman with extremely soft and careful hands moved Jessie out of his arms. At first he tried to hang on but he had drifted somewhere very far away. He could hear Melodi cooing but it wasn’t enough to bring him back to reality.

His mind was alternating between real memories of her and things he couldn’t remember were reality or dreams. It made him frustrated and he tried to linger on the things he knew were true. Like their wedding day or the when Melodi was born. He held on to those memories for dear life but it wasn’t always enough. Something disturbing always interrupted the good memories and some even made him cry in his uneasy sleep.

He snapped open his eyes very suddenly at one of those memories and it took him a while to grasp where he was. The room was dark and the only light came from the two hanging lamps in the windows. He tilted his head to the left and found Jessie still unconscious. Someone had moved both her and himself though because Melodi was asleep in her baby nest between them. And it hit him like lightning when he watched her tinny face and the girl’s lip trembled a little as though she was about to start crying. She peeped but didn’t wake up and he felt the first set of tears fall down his cheek before he realized he had started to cry. Everything he felt came rushing over him at once and made it hard to breath.

When he had gotten the call all he had been focused on was to get home and the panic had mostly been about not being able to get home fast enough. Now he felt everything at once. Anger. Worry. Shame. Fear. Love. Confusion. Helplessness. But the feeling that was most profound was the feeling of not doing enough. Of not being there when she needed him the most because of the job he had. If he had just trusted his guts and forced her to go with him or chosen to stay home, none of this would’ve happened, he was sure of it. The guilt of putting Melodi through this would weight heavy on his shoulder for the rest of his life. He knew she wouldn’t remember it but he would and it was enough.

Through the haze of tears and trying to keep quiet so not to wake the baby, he heard a soft knock on the door and someone peeked inside. At first he thought he was still dreaming but then Sean spoke and Norman realized he was actually there.

“Safe to enter?”

He couldn’t find his voice but the sobs eased some and he nodded towards the door. Sean walked quiet inside and closed the door just as silent behind him. He sat down next to Jessie in an armchair that usually occupied one of the corners of the room. When taking her hand, he kissed her palm and kept holding her hand in both of his.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Helena texted me. Said Jessie wasn’t doing good and that you probably needed all the support you could get.”

“I’m fucking fine!”

He wasn’t sure where the hostile approach towards one of his best friends came from. Sean apparently didn’t appreciate it at all and narrowed his eyes at him.

“Drop the fucking victim act, Reedus! This isn’t about you. We’re all here to help Jessie get through this and the last thing she needs right now is for you to break the fuck down too. Keep your shit together, brother!”

Norman moved in bed and wanted to reach over and smack the older man around the face but took one look at the two most important people in his life sleeping next to him and realized Sean was right. He couldn’t afford to break down right now. He moved to the headboard and leaned heavily against it and allowed a few more moments of silence pass between them before he turned to look over at Sean.

“Sorry.”

“She needs you, man. Now more than ever.”

“She would’ve had to if I had just listened in the first place. I should never have left her alone when I knew she was having a hard time. She needed me and I just fucking left. Walked out the goddamn door. For what?! For a stupid fucking TV show that will be forgotten in 2 years?!”

“Maybe you should talk to Dr Jason too, Norm. You need-“

“I need Jessie to wake the hell up.”

“You need food, something to drink.”

“What time is it?”

“Just past 9.”

“But it’s still Saturday, right?”

“Yes. Saturday night. Jessie will pass the 24 hour mark in a little while. The doc has been in here to check on her, and you, and she’s doing good.”

“Really?”

“Really, Norman and you need to stay sharp too so please get something to eat. I will stay here with them.”

He considered Sean’s offer for a moment. There were few people in this world that he trusted Jessie’s life with but Sean was one of them. He knew they had grown very close and he wasn’t just Norman’s brother anymore. Jessie counted Sean as a big brother too. He heard Sean start to say something about loving her too but he didn’t need to hear it right now.

“Don’t… I know, you don’t have to say it. I know you love her but it’s not the same for me.”

“I didn’t say it was. I just meant that you’re not the only one that loves her and wants her to get better. There’re a lot of people who loves her. Not as much as you do, no one could ever do that but you have to let us help, Reedus.”

He halted in his steps towards the door when Sean’s words reached him and he actually heard what he was saying. Quickly he turned around and headed back to the bed and probably surprised the man when he grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him into a hug. It took Sean a second to grasp that he wasn’t going to be punched but once he did, he wrapped his arms around his friend and held on until Norman was the one pulling away.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Norm. I’ll stay with her, make sure she’s alright.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Of course, man. You’re family and so are they.”

He nodded his head back towards the bed and Norman took one last look at his sleeping girls before he turned and left the room. He came to a complete stop however, when he made it out of the hallway and into the open living room and kitchen space. There were so many people there that he couldn’t even count them on both hands. Andy of course was there, he remember getting home with him. But Helena was there as well and he could only assume she was there because Mingus had called her. He saw Maya having a conversation with Alanna. Jeffrey was busy in the kitchen with Mingus and Greg. His mother and sister had somehow found out what was going on and both of them got up from their seats when they saw him. The doctor that had tried to talk to him when he arrived was talking to Melissa.

He got overwhelmed by the big crowed and only half hearted returned the hug his mother gave him when she made her way up to him. She grabbed his face between both hands and forced him to look at her. And just by one look at his mother, he broke down once more started crying like a little kid who really just needed his mother to hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright. She did just that and once he heard her calm voice reminding him how strong and stubborn Jessie was and that she had been through worse, he recovered rather quickly. Andy had told him the same over and over on the plane but at the time he hadn’t been able to take it in at all.

“Jessie will be ok, baby. Ok? You listen?”

He nodded as he pulled away from his mother’s embrace and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“You say you listen but do you actually hear what I’m telling you? Jessie will make it through this too. And you need to help her and you need to ask for help.”

“I hear what you’re saying, mom.”

“Good. We’re all here because we love you and Jessie and you need our help right now, so don’t get all proud and brave and say you don’t need help. Ok?”

“Ok.”

He took a deep breath and looked up and around at every single person there and he felt really grateful towards all of them. His gaze lingered a little longer on Mingus and when he tried to say all the things he needed to say to his son, he couldn’t find them. All that came out was a hoarse ‘thank you’.

“Come eat something, dad. Jeffrey brought like 10 pizzas.”

He took a careful step forward, simply just to make sure his feet were actually able to carry him. When he noticed he was fine, he walked quickly directly towards Mingus and the two shared a tight embrace.

“You ok?”

He asked quietly as he pulled away. He felt Mingus nod.

“I’m ok.”

“Are you sure?”

He kissed his son’s head.

“Yes, dad. Just worried about Jess. She’s going to be ok, right?”

There was just the tinniest tremble to Mingus voice but he caught it at once and grabbed him and made him look at him.

“She’s going to make it through this, Mingus.”

He wasn’t sure were the confidence about this came but as he said the words, he knew they were true. He wasn’t sure how the hell it was going to happen but somehow they were going to make it through as a family. No matter what. Mingus seemed to agree with his father and it was like they made a form of silent commitment to make sure Jessie got back on track right there and then.

“I know how to feed myself.”

A plate of pizza and a coke was suddenly at his hands and Helena’s hand was on his back, making him sit down at the counter. He looked around at her and she gave him a small smile and pushed the food closer to him.

“Eat, Norman.”

Although he hadn’t wanted pizza less in his life, he took a bite and noticed how hungry he actually was and he ended up finishing another two slices in minutes. Before he could even register that he was getting pretty full, Mingus shoved a container of ice cream in his hands and gave him a spoon.

“Oh, that looks good. I could use some sugar too.”

Andy joined Norman’s other side after getting a spoon of his own and together they dug into the ice cream.

“So, doc what’s the plan here? How is she doing?”

Andy’s voice carried through the low chatter of everyone around him and Norman glanced over at his friends before finding the woman Andy directed his question at. The woman turned away from Melissa and took a quick look around the room before answering.

“Well, she’s still asleep, which is good. The medication she got is no longer present in her system, which means she’s sleeping on her own. Hopefully she’ll be asleep for the rest of the night.”

“What happens when she wakes up?”

Mingus asked.

“There really isn’t any way of knowing, I’m afraid. It’s all up to her.”

“Worst case scenario?”

Norman twitched his head to the right when he heard Sean speak. He stood leaning against the wall in the hallway.

“Psychosis.”

“What does that mean?”

“Paranoia, hallucinations losing touch with reality.”

“Did it get that bad before?”

“She had extreme nightmares but I understand she has had them back and forth through the years?”

She directed her question to Norman.

“Yeah. For as long as she has been in my life, she has had them. Especially around special dates like birthdays and… In September. But I’ve never seen her hallucinating or lose this much sleep before.”

“Why isn’t she sleeping? I mean, what can possible stop a human being to not sleep for so long?”

Alanna’s voice shook a little and Norman could see that her eyes were glassy with suppressed tears.

“She thought Melodi was on fire when I took her out of the room when Dr. Jason arrived.”

Tim’s words created a loud silence through the entire crowed. It was finally Jeffrey how managed to stutter out a ‘what the hell does that mean?’

“Exactly that. For her, in the state that she’s in right now, it’s as real to her as all of you being here. The mind can play extreme tricks on you, Mr. Morgan.”

“What can we do to help her?”

Norman looked over his shoulder and found Helena with her hands on Mingus’s shoulders, looking like she was on the verge of tears.

“It depends on how she reacts to waking up… I’m sure you’ve all experienced Jessie’s, well, not so pleasant sides. If she wakes up on that side –“

“Everyone better get the fuck out of here as quickly as they can.”

To his surprise, Norman managed to actually give a chuckle as he spoke. Andy wrapped his arm around his shoulder and gave a weak agreeing chuckle.

“She’s going to fight with claws and fangs, man.”

“I sure as hell hope so.”

“No matter what, she’s probably going to be very disoriented and not really sure what’s going on. I hope she wants to talk to me and that I can find a way to help her. Just therapy actually helped a lot before and getting her to write it all down and talk about it. She’s not much of a talker unless you force her.”

An agreeing murmur went around the room at these words.

“What about medication?”

“She won’t take any kind of pills.”

Norman said and looked around at Jeffrey when he asked the question.

“No, I understand that hasn’t changed yet either. She refused when I first got to know her too. After her suicide attempt and she got into rehab, we had to use injections when her panic attacks got out of hand.”

“Seriously, I’ve never met a person so fucking stubborn in my life. Where the hell did you find this chick, man?”

Norman was thankful for Jeffrey’s attempt to lighten the mood and it actually did put a small smile on everyone lips.

“Somewhere over the rainbow.”    

**\----------------------------**

“I found this under the bed.”

Norman looked up from his position in the rocking chair he had carried into their bedroom, so he could put Melodi back to sleep but still being close to Jessie. Mingus had left his place next to the bed and stood with his hand outstretched towards him with a notebook. Puzzled, Norman looked at his son.

“Under the bed?”

“I guess it must have fallen down there when everything…”

He trailed off and Norman once again regretted his decision to get Mingus involved in this but at the time he really hadn’t seen any other way.

“What is it?”

“It’s Jessie’s. I’m not sure it’s a diary but it’s her notes and… I didn’t read it but-Fuck, just look at what she did last night.”

He hesitated but decided that it might actually help to know what was going through her head before she collapsed. He turned the pages and found the latest of her notes quickly. The words didn’t make sense at all and they seemed very random and chaotic. He couldn’t recognize her handwriting either. These words were sloppy, almost childlike and a lot of words were spelled wrong and some had even been written backwards. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the kind of chaos that must have been going on in her brain.

“This is worse, right? It’s worse than all the other times?”

He took his time to answer Mingus question. He wasn’t sure how much he should tell the teenager and how much he actually wanted to burden him with what he really thought. Finally, when he noticed Mingus wouldn’t yield before he got an answer, Norman closed the book and sighing, nodded his head.

“Before she has just been pissed. Pissed is easy compared to this. I don’t know how to handle this, so yeah, this is worse… I want to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

“When she wakes up, I want you to leave-“

“NO! I’m staying-“

“Mingus, listen. I need you to take care of your sister. I can’t have either of you here when she wakes up. No matter how she’s reacting when she wakes, it’s not going to be easy. You can stay with Jeffrey, he lives like 10 minutes away.”

At the words ‘your sister’, Mingus calmed down at once and actually listened to his father. He nodded in agreement and Norman felt a small weight of the world being lifted from his shoulders. His children shouldn’t have to see Jessie in whatever state she would be in when she finally woke up. He was convinced it wasn’t going to be pretty at all and he had to be able to focus entirely on her. With Mingus and Melodi out of the house it would be one mayor relief.

“You should put her down, dad and get some sleep yourself. She has been asleep for the past hour.”

“I know.”

He glanced down on the sleeping angle on his chest and bend to gently kiss the blond little head. She moved a little but remained asleep. When he a few minutes later finally got to his feet and walked the few steps between their bedroom and Melodi’s and placed her in her crib, she stayed just the same. Norman tucked the baby in and placed the little stuffed animal that had once belonged to Jacob, close to her side.


	11. Heavy

The 60 hours mark had just passed when things started to change in the quiet household. Norman had spent the entire night close by her side and she had woke him up in the early hours of the morning. Not because she had woken up but she had moved and groaned in her sleep. She moved closer to him and when he had wrapped his arms more tightly around her, he had felt her sigh and relax in his arms. And although he saw this as a good sign, he wasn’t taking any chances but had told Mingus to make Melodi ready to leave the house as soon as she woke up from her night’s sleep.

Andy and Sean were with him but either of them said much as they sat beside each other by Jessie’s side. He felt wide awake and laid next to her and traced her arm and shoulder with the tips of his fingers without really knowing he was doing it.

He tried to listen for the other people in the house but couldn’t hear anything. He knew Jeffrey had left around midnight and offered Alanna and Melissa a place to stay so they wouldn’t have to go back to Atlanta over night.

“Hey, watch it, asshole!”

Andy’s angry hiss made the other two men look wake up from their own thoughts. Eye jumped from Andy’s lap, onto the bed, barley missing the IV tubs and settled himself across Jessie’s chest. He turned his head and glared at Andy.

“You’re an asshole.”

Andy said again and glared right back at the black cat. After that it was back to silence again. The only thing that changed was Jessie’s breathing. As the cat settled in and started to purr, Jessie’s breathing became just a little bit less heavy. It seemed he was the only on noticing though and Sean looked at him with raided eyebrows when he pulled himself up and leaned up on one elbow to be able to take a closer look at her.

Minutes ticked by and he could barley breath. His heart was beating somewhere in his throat, making it hard to draw breath as her eyelids begun to flicker.

“Jess? Sweetheart?”

Andy leaned closer to her with a hand on her head. Norman felt, rather than saw Sean move in as well and grabbed the hand that rested alongside her body. He wanted to say something too but he couldn’t find his voice. He was afraid he would just shout something if he opened his mouth. Sean said something too but he didn’t exactly what it was. Her head started to move from side to side, slow at first and then faster and faster, until she snapped open her eyes. Her eyes flickers from side to side a few times without seeing it seemed and her breathing picked right up and he recognized the panic that started to tear through her.

“Look at me, J. I’m right here, baby. Right here, look at me.”

By some extreme willpower he pushed his own panic aside and did as Sean had told him; pulled his shit together and focused on her. His fingers landed lightly on her cheek and he tilted her head to the left and made her look at him. Their eyes locked and she stopped flicking at once and held his gaze.

“Hey, babe.”

“Hey…”

Her voice cracked a little and she coughed without losing him from sight. There were no better feeling the world than being able to look into her eyes again and having her looking right back at him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Where’s Melodi?”

“She’s with Mingus.”

“I wanna see her.”

“Not right now, Jess. You need to rest and-“

“I’m fine. I’m fine now. I just needed to sleep for a few hours.”

“Jessie, baby… You’ve been sleeping for 2,5 days.”

He could see her brain going into overdrive at these words and her eyes drifted out of focus as she sunk back heavily against the pillow. Her eyes closed hard and she whispered to herself the same words over and over.

“It wasn’t real.”

“She’s alright, Jessie. Melodi is ok.”

Andy’s words didn’t seem to reach her at all and her breathing became faster and shallower with each passing second. When she opened her eyes again, they were bouncing around in panic. Eye fled in just the right time before she started to fight her way free from all the hands all around her that just tried to calm her.

She tried to yell but not many words came out besides the curses and their daughter’s name, over and over while she kicked and scratched at all of them. When Jacob’s name got into the mix as well, Norman realized forcing her to stay put wasn’t helping at all. She wouldn’t calm down until she got to see Melodi.

“Let her go!”

Two pair of eyes looked at him like he was out of his mind when Norman managed to shout his words over the Jessie’s panicked voice. Sean was the first one to listen and threw himself out of harms way when he realized her lower body and she got the full use of her legs back. In the commotion Norman noticed at the IV had been ripped out of her hand and Andy had blood across his face from Jessie’s bloody hand but he still managed to glare at the man when he didn’t want to listen. He begged the younger man to just trust him without actually saying the words and he heard Andy whimper slightly and the tears in his eyes spilled over as he pulled away and rushed out of the room.

“I’m not gonna let you see her unless you calm the fuck down!”

He had to yell the same words 3 times over before she seemed to hear at least some part of it. When finally being released, Jessie scrambled out of the bed, lost her balance and fell down on the floor twice, before getting to the door. He watched her stagger to a halt with her hand on the handle and her entire body tensed when he yelled one last time. He walked around the bed and came to stand side by side with Sean, who nervously looked back and forth between the two of them.

“Get out and don’t let anyone get in here, ok?”

He could tell Sean wanted to protest but one look was enough to make him change his mind. Sean nodded and held his breath when Jessie turned back around to them. She didn’t see anyone else but Norman though and the look in her eye made Sean want to crawl out of his own skin. He had seen her angry before but this was beyond anything he had ever seen before. Her eyes seemed to actually have turned black as she pierced Norman. She didn’t even register when he moved past her and vanished out the door and bolted it behind him.

Internally, Norman was grinning to himself. This was a side of her, he had had plenty of experience in and knew how to handle. He was use to her fury although he had to admit he recalled a little by the intense anger in her eyes this time.

“You weren’t here!”

She walked straight up to him and shoved him with both hands in the chest but it wasn’t even hard enough to make him move an inch. He wrapped his hands around both wrist and held her steady when she swayed slightly.

“You weren’t here! You’re never here when I fucking need you to be here! You should’ve been here! You should’ve known! You of all people should know! Instead you’re 5000 fucking miles away!”

She said the very words he feared she would say. She accused him and she was right. He should’ve known better but wasn’t ready to let her take out her anger on him without fighting back. She yanked at her hands but he simply tightened his hold around her wrists.

“You asked me to leave, Jessie. You said it would be good for you to be alone with Mel for a few days.”

“And for once you listen?! You’re suppose to be the one that know me! You should’ve known I needed you to be here!”

“And you’re suppose to be the strong one! You’ve never needed anyone so what the fuck changed, J?! Why did you give up?”

His anger caught her off guard and it surprised him that he actually was able to say the things that were on his mind. She blinked at him.

“What’s the point?”

She snarled and finally yanked herself free from him. He snapped at her words and reached out for his phone and shoved the screen up in her face. It had a picture of Melodi and Mingus together on it.

“This is the fucking point! Our daughter is the fucking point! Our kids! Our family!”

“They’re dead.”

“She’s not dead. Melodi is with Mingus. It wasn’t real, Jessie. I know what you saw and you think it was real but it’s not. Mel is fine but I won’t take you to her when you can’t control yourself. She needs her mother but not when you’re feeling like this. I’ve to keep her safe until you’ve gotten your shit together.”

“My shit together?!”

“Yes, Jessie! You need help.”

“You weren’t here!”

                                            ---------------------------------

“Will you stop pacing?”

Andy stopped in his tracks when Sean suddenly called out to him. He turned from his place in the kitchen and paced right back to the doorway to the hallway where the shouting had been going on for the past half hour. They had started over on the same topic so many times now and Andy must have walked about 10 miles while they argued.

“No…”

He said and heard Sean’s annoyed sigh.

“Aren’t you worried?”

“Of course but I’ll be more worried when she stops yelling.”

“It’s really bad that they do this so well. Arguing I mean. He knows how to handle her anger but not her… Mental issues or whatever the hell that we should call it.”

“Her mental health isn’t the best right now, no.”

The doctor spoke from her place at the other end of the sofa that Sean occupied.

“Is there a way out of this?”

“She will never fully heal from it if that’s what you mean.”

“No, I know that. I just want to know if it’s a way back. She has handled it pretty good through the years after all.”

“Of course. If she wants it to get better and she’s willing to ask for help.”

“So she’s fucked…”

Sean’s words made Andy stop once more in his pacing and actually let out a reluctant giggle.

“Come on, you know what I mean, Andy… She’s fucking superwoman but asking for help is her goddamn kryptonite.”

“Amen to that, man.”

He had really hated being thrown out of the bedroom but trusted Norman and if he thought this was the way of getting through to her, he would let them try. But his fingers were itching and his feet always wanted to carry him back to the bedroom. He had walked down the hallway a few times but everytime Sean had yelled at him to come back. Andy wanted to make sure they were good. Well, as good as they could both expect to be.

He lost count as to how many times he had made the run but he was sure he was going to actually ware out the floor under his feet, when everything became too quiet. Every head turned at once towards the now silent bedroom. Andy once more took a few careful steps into the hallway but just as he heard Sean inhale to speak, the door opened and Jessie rushed out with tears streaming down her face and Norman was right behind her.

“Hey, babe-“

Andy tried to reach out to her but she just pushing him away on her determinate search for something.

“What are you going to do, Jessie? Are you just going to quit?”

Norman followed her towards the kitchen and Andy did the same, not knowing what to do or say at all. He wasn’t sure what was going on but as Jessie started to open draws and cabinets, clearly searching for something, it hit him like lightning. And his heart begun to race and he looked around in desperate search for help from the doctor.

Jessie was searching for knifes or anything else she could use to do some serious harm to herself. To Andy’s horror, Norman didn’t seem at all concerned with this. For a moment he wondered if he had lost his mind too but when Jessie came up empty handed he realized his friend had already counted on this to happen and taken precautions.

“Please, Jess…”

Andy heard himself beg as tears filled his eyes and he tried to make Jessie stop her frenzy and just look at him. Her eyes found his but she only held the gaze for a second before she turned away.

“Jessie?”

The voice from the doctor made her stop in the middle of a step. She was making her way towards the backdoor but when spotting Tim blocking the way, redirected her steps towards the basement. Dr Jason made her freeze though and she snapped around and found the older female at once.

“What are you doing here?”

“To help you.”

“Can you get me my daughter?!”

“Not now-“

“Then you can’t help me.”

“If you want to see her you need to let us help you. What do you need, Jessie?”

“Right now? Right now I want to go back to sleep and not wake up again.”

She said it without any kind of emotion in her voice and the tears in her eyes were no longer visible. She was so sure of what she said that it sent a shiver down Andy’s spin and he wanted to grab the little girl standing alone in the middle of the room and shake her. He felt an irrational rage fill him and he felt like slapping her hard, make her take it all back.

“You want to die?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I just want it to stop. I want it go away. I don’t want to see them burn again or hear him scream. Can you make it stop?”

“Yes.”

“Bullshit!”

“No, Jessie you know it’s not bullshit. You know it helped before. We can help you again but not unless you don’t want help. You say you want to see Melodi again? How are you going to do that if you’re not here anymore?”

“She’s going to burn too. She was burning too, I saw her burn.”

“But you know it’s not real, Jessie.”

“No, I don’t, I don’t know what’s real anymore. I just know I want it to stop.”

“I can help you, Jessie. I promise I’ll do anything I can to help you get through this. Just as I did before, remember? It’s not the same, Jessie. You have a family now. Your own family. Just take a look around you, there’re all here because they love you and want to help you.”

Andy took a look around when Jessie couldn’t take her eyes off of the talking woman who had approached her with careful steps. Sean was for some reason close to the front door but he had still full focus on the conversation. Norman was hovering right in the middle of himself and Jessie. Tim was behind her and seemed ready to wrestle her to the ground if he had to. They all held their breath as the seconds ticked by before Jessie answered.

“I need a minute.”

She said and nodded. The doctor nodded back. Then Jessie took a few steps backwards and turned around when she reached the stairs to the basement. It was like she vanished through thin air because one second she was there and the next she was gone, without making any kind of noise.

Andy wanted to shout out and make her stop but nothing came out. He spun around to find Norman but he was having a silent conversation with the doctor, which ended with both of them just nodding and Norman followed his wife down the stairs.

“What the fuck…?!”

Andy said a fast pray when Sean protested loud enough for both of them when he couldn’t find his voice. Sean displayed the same kind of panicked emotions as Andy felt himself but Sean was able to express them.

“She just threaten to kill herself and you’re not doing a fucking thing?!”

“She’s not going to kill herself, Mr. Flanery.”

“How the fuck do you know that?!”

“Because your brother would never let her.”

It was a simple statement but it was enough for both of them to calm down. She was right of course. Norman would fight until his dying day for her.

                                            ------------------------------------

She closed and locked the door to the studio just as she heard Norman make it down the stairs. He might have called out for her when he got the door right in the face but she didn’t hear it. She just had to shut everything and everyone out for a moment. Her head was spinning and echoed with so many voices and screams that she couldn’t make out which was real and which she actually imagined.

He pounded on the door a few times but she tuned him out and headed towards the media center in the corner. She found one of her phones lying there and fired up Spotify in search for something that would help her shut off her brain. A new Linkin Park song popped up as soon as she opened the app and the title _Heavy_ seemed to fit pretty good at the moment.

She turned the volume up as high as it would go and laid down on the middle of the floor and pressed play on the phone. She closed her eyes and felt the music vibrate in her chest and she closed her eyes and forced herself to focus on nothing else but the lyrics of the song.

_I don't like my mind right now_  
_Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary_  
_Wish that I could slow things down_  
_I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic_  
_And I drive myself crazy_  
_Thinking everything's about me_  
_Yeah I drive myself crazy_  
_'Cause I can't escape the gravity_  
  
_I'm holding on_  
_Why is everything so heavy?_  
_Holding on_  
_To so much more than I can carry_  
_I keep dragging around what's bringing me down_  
_If I just let go, I'd be set free_  
_Holding on_  
  
_Why is everything so heavy?_  
_You say that I'm paranoid_  
_But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me_  
_It's not like I make the choice_  
_To let my mind stay so fucking messy_

_I know I'm not the center of the universe_  
_But you keep spinning round me just the same_  
_I know I'm not the center of the universe_  
_But you keep spinning round me just the same_  
  
_I'm holding on_  
_Why is everything so heavy?_  
_Holding on to so much more than I can carry_  
_I keep dragging around what's bringing me down_  
_If I just let go, I'd be set free_  
_Holding on_  
_Why is everything so heavy?_  
  
_I know I'm not the center of the universe_  
_But you keep spinning round me just the same_  
_I know I'm not the center of the universe_  
_But you keep spinning round me just the same_  
_And I drive myself crazy_  
_Thinking everything's about me_  
_I'm holding on_  
_Why is everything so heavy?_  
_Holding on_

_To so much more than I can carry_  
_I keep dragging around what's bringing me down_  
_If I just let go, I'd be set free_  
_Holding on_  
_Why is everything so heavy?_  
  
_Why is everything so heavy?_  
_Why is everything so heavy?_

She started to laugh. For some reason the only reaction that she could muster right now was to laugh at the irony in the lyrics and how well it fitted into her situation. She hated to feel so numb. It was so much worse than anything else. It had been a relief to be able to yell at Norman because it made her feel something but it never lasts. She couldn’t keep yelling at him and be pissed forever. It was weird how everything else than the need to yell at him seemed to be erased at the moment. She couldn’t even remember why she loved him or why he loved her.

She opened her eyes and started up at the white ceiling. She turned on few of the spotlights, using her phone and leaned up and started to look around the room. She remembered this feeling. It was the same feeling she had back in that hotel room in Chicago all those years ago. Yet something was different but she couldn’t really put her finger on it. Her eyes finally found an empty glass beside the media player. Before she could start thinking too much, she got up, walker over, grabbed the glass and let it fall to the floor. It shattered into just a few pieces and she picked up the biggest shard of glass. She weighed the piece in her right hand for a moment but didn’t give it much more thought. The glass felt a lot heavier then the razorblade she had used and she was pretty sure it wasn’t going to have the same effect but she had to feel something. The numbness was eating her up from the inside and she screamed as she dragged the shard across her left wrist and watched the blood start to pump out of her body and drip down on the floor.

And the pain made her brain clear and she was flooded with so much memories, she couldn’t get enough air down her lungs. Almost 20 years of memories filled her up and overwhelmed her with so much emotion she stopped screaming and dropped the glass to the floor and she wrapped her other hand around the cut to stop the bleeding.

He was there. This time he was really there when she needed him the most. He even busted the door in so hard it came off its top hinges. He halted for just a second inside the door, found her gaze and she looked right back at him. She didn’t want to die. She couldn’t leave him.

“Help me.”

Her voice cracked when the begging words came out and she found his eyes. Within a second, he was by her side and wrapped his body around hers and held her. Quickly he pulled of his own shirt and twisted it hard around her wrist to make the bleeding stop. Together they sank to the floor and she sobbed into his chest like she had done so many times before. He had always been there, she realized that now. In that hotel room in Chicago she hadn’t had anyone left alive to help her but there he was hugging her broken pieces back together.

“I’m right here, baby. Always. Keep your arm up.”

He kept his tight grip around her wrist and let it rest against his shoulder to keep it elevated.

“I don’t want to die.”

“I know, J. I know that. We’ll get through this, ok? Together we will work this out and you’ll be ok again.”

“I need to see her. I need to see our daughter.”

“Now?”

“No, not now. Stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Her sobs eased with every passing minute but the tears kept falling as she pressed herself as close as she possible could to him. His heart was beating a little too hard but it helped her get her own breathing to slow down.

“I love you.”

“I love you, Norman. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up.”

“Well, I probably wouldn’t love you if you weren’t. But this…”

He took a look up her arm and Jessie followed his gaze. The blood flow had stopped but his shirt was bleeding through.

“Don’t do this again. And I’m not fucking asking, I’m telling ya. Never again, Jess.”

“How long was I out?”

“A little more than 60 hours.”

“But she’s fine? Mel’s ok?”

“Yeah. She’s at Jeff’s place.”

“With Mingus, right?”

“Yeah, everyone’s there. Mingus, Maya, Helena. She’s in good hands. And she has been here the entire time while you were out cold.”

“So why isn’t she here now?”

“Cause I didn’t know how you were going to react to waking up. The doc said you could be psychotic.”

“I am. I’m seeing things, Norman. I saw her burn. Just like Jacob and I can’t go through that again. I can’t lose her.”

“She’s not going to die, Jessie. Not like Jacob. You can’t be afraid of living. You’ve to try to see her future.”

“I can’t. It’s like I get to 9 months and then there’s nothing more, she’s gone after that. I can’t imagine celebrating her 1st birthday, see her go to school, graduate, nothing. It all stops after 9 month and she burns, gets erased.”

“You have to let Dr. Jason help you, Jessie. I’m begging you. She helped you the last time, she can help you now.”

“I need you.”

“I’ll be there every step of the way but I’m not a professional. I don’t know how to help you.”

“Yeah you do.”

“How?”

“You love me. What I said before… When I was yelling at you-It wasn’t your fault this happened.”

She tilted her head to look up at him. He looked right back at her with tears in his eyes.

“Yeah, it was. You were right, I wasn’t here. I was on a fucking bike ride through Spain with Jeffrey when I should’ve been here with you.”

“But you were right too. I asked you to leave. I thought I could handle it, I wanted to be able to handle it but I… I failed. I failed you and I…I’m sorry.”

The tears came back again and she buried her face in his naked chest.

“I failed you, J. I promised to take care of you…. We need help, Jessie. Both of us, to make this work. We have to make this work for Melodi. And Mingus. We own them that.”

“Yeah.”

She agreed and knew as she said it that she was going to make it happen. Somehow they were going to make it through this. She was going to have to fight her demons one more time. And it was already easier because she had someone to fight with and people to fight for. It wasn’t just the man holding on to her for dear life that mattered. Their daughter deserved so much better and so did Mingus. And Andy, Sean, Maya, Alanna, Helena… There were so many people that rushed through her mind that she got slightly lightheaded once more by the mere thought of all the people she loved and somehow loved her back.

They sat in the silent room for so long she lost track of time and she counted thousands of Norman’s heartbeats to sort out the chaos in her body. Finally he spoke again.

“You’re going to have to let one of the nurses take a look at this.”

He removed the shirt to take a closer look at the cut on her wrist. When he reviled the pressure and lowered her arm, it started to bleed again. Not much at all but she could see the cut fill up with fresh blood all over again. He pressed the shirt back against the wound again and she felt him move and stood with him. She swayed a little but as so many times before, he was right there to catch her.

“Hold this.”

He made her put pressure on the cut herself and then scooped her into his arms. She snuggled into his chest once more and took a deep breath.

“I love you, Norman Reedus.”

“I love you more, Mrs. Reedus.”

“Nice work killing the door by the way.”

He chuckled when she gave him credit for kicking in the door as they walked through the doorway and she noticed the door hanging lose.

“There was no time to go find a fucking key. I’ll get it fixed.”

“Let’s fix us first. Well, me. You’re not insane.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Hey…”

She made him stop when he reached the bottom of the staircase.

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

She asked. He responded at once and smiled her favorite crocked little smile at her before leaning in and kissed her. And she got totally lost in the emotions that rushed through her and swiped away the numb feelings in a heartbeat. He made her feel complete again just by touching her and loving her and she knew than that she could survive anything as long as he was by her side.

She closed her eyes as he carried her upstairs but opened them just as quickly as Norman staggered to a halt only steps after he had entered the first landing. She looked up and found him staring right ahead.

“Fuck…”

He breathed out the word and it made her look around. Everyone was there and Maya was the first one to rush past everyone else and straight at her.

“She’s ok.”

Norman’s words didn’t seem to mean shit to her best friend and Maya grabbed her face.

“Let me down.”

She said quickly to her husband and put her feet down on the floor. Maya took one look at her and threw herself at her. She couldn’t find it in her to really hug her back at the moment but perhaps Maya understood her better than she thought. As she stood in Maya’s arms, she took a look around and found all of those she had thought about in the basement. There was only one missing, the most important person wasn’t there. Melodi was nowhere to be seen. She caught Sean’s eye and just as the panic started to make its way into her system again, he took a step forward.

“She’s just outside on the porch, Jessie.”

“I need to see her.”

“Not before you get that bleeding checked out… I gave her Jeffrey myself, babe please trust me on this.”

“She was with you?”

“Yeah. I stole her from Helena, thought it was about time I got some one on one action with the kid. Come sit down, J and let’s patch you up.”

She looked at Sean’s outstretched hand for a moment than stepped around Maya. Sean gently wrapped his hand around her wrist and took a few steps, tugging at her to follow. She hesitated at first, glancing over her shoulder towards the back doors. Then Maya’s hand was on her shoulder and Norman’s at the small of her back and all three of them guided her to the sofa in the middle of the room.

“So what is this? Some fucking intervention?”

The entire room was silent, they even seemed to be holding their breath and despite it all, she found it a bit comical. The nurse by her side taking a first look at her cut, flinched a little as she spoke. Why there was a nurse in their home at the moment, she couldn’t really grasp and she didn’t have the energy to question it. She was just glad she wouldn’t have to go to a hospital. She heard the nurse say something about the cut just needed suture taped and a bandaged and she would be fine but a movement in the room made Jessie look up.

Mingus step out from behind his mother and took a few steps closer to her and he looked furious. She recalled a little in her seat and felt the nurse complain quietly while holding on tighter as she did her job.

“No… This is us trying to break through the fucking thick skull of yours and make you realize there’re a lot of people who care about you.”

“Mingus…”

Helena tried to put her hand on her son’s shoulder but he just shrugged it off and stepped even closer to Jessie. She stared at the teenager with wide eyes without being able to find anything to say whatsoever. Mingus wasn’t done though and he stood behind the sofa opposite the one she was occupying when he spoke again.

“I know life has been shit and I get that it fucked you up big time and I can even get that it had to take half a fucking century to get it into your head that you had a new family but this…”

Mingus emotional outburst left the entire audience speechless. Not even Helena knew what to say or do and maybe no one actually wanted to stop him.

“You’re so fucking selfish! Do you really believe we’d be better off without you?! Are you really that fucked up? After everything you have been through? Put everyone else through? I’ve been there, Jessie, through pretty much everything and it’s been hell watching you leave about a million times by now. But he has always been by your fucking side! And you want to throw that all away?! Maybe I could’ve forgiving you for putting me through this fucking mess but when you endanger my little sister by not pulling your shit together....! It makes me fucking sick. And I never thought I’d hate you again but this has gone too far, Jessie and I fucking hate you for putting us though this! For putting dad through this and me and… And Melodi…”

Mingus furry hit her right in the heart.  Every last word he shouted at her was like one slap closer to reality. This beautiful tall young adult that had once been one feet tall and made her laugh so hard she peed herself had finally had enough. And if she wasn’t going to be able to pull her shit together for him and his dad, who the hell would she do it for then?

He trailed off after mentioned Melodi’s name and it was like he had no more words to say. He just stared at her for a last time, then turned and walked straight out the front door and slammed the door behind him.

“He has had a-“

Helena begun but Jessie looked up and cut her off at once.

“No…He’s right, you don’t have to make excuses for him, Helena. He’s right.”

She took a deep breath before lifting her gaze away from her bandaged wrist and took her time to look around at the people there.

“And I’m sorry it had to go this far. It was never my intent to hurt any of you or get you involved in the first place-“ 

“We’re here because we love you, Jessie. And we want to help you in any way we can. And since you suck at asking for help, we’re offering, no questions asked.”

Alanna put a smile on her face despite the fact that all she wanted to do was to cry. She heard the nurse say she was done and Jessie pulled her hand back and took a look at the white bandage around her wrist.

“Yeah, I guess I do… I could probably need something to eat.”

“Mingus made pancakes, would that work?”

Norman’s sister held a plate already in her hands when she looked over to the kitchen and the woman speaking. They were all really there and they all tried to help. She couldn’t process all of it at once though and within second, she found herself crawled up in Norman’s lap. She gave a low ‘thanks’ to Leslie when she came over and gave her a plate of pancakes and some fruit as well as a glass of juice. She lingered for a second and put her hand on top of Jessie’s wrist and looked straight at her.

“I’m sorry you’re hurting, honey. If there’s anything, anything at all, that you need, just say the words, ok?”

At first she didn’t know what to say. She had never been close to Norman’s family, mostly because she was ashamed of what she had put their son and brother through but Leslie didn’t seem to give a damn about all that now. She nodded and the woman smiled warmly at her before kissing the top of her head and than doing the same to her brother. She could hear her whisper something to Norman but she wasn’t focused enough to hear what it was.

Without tasting them, she started to eat the pancakes. Slowly but surely, she felt some kind of energy return to her body and she could focus a little better on what was going on around her. The entire time while eating, she had had a feeling of having Dr. Jason’s eyes burn at the back of her head and when she finally took a look around she found that she had been right. The doctor that had saved her life once already, was seated in one of the high chairs by the kitchen counter and observed her, while making notes.

“Where did everyone go?”

She surprised herself by her question as she noticed that they only once left were Andy and Sean. She could still feel Leslie’s touch on her hair so she knew she hadn’t imagined it or the rest of the people there.

“I asked them to leave.”

“Why?”

She leaned forward just enough so she could place her empty plate on the table and instead grab and finish the glass of juice, without leaving Norman’s embrace too much.

“It got a bit overwhelmed to have them all here, right?”

Jessie looked long and hard at the doctor when she gave her explanation. She tried to find the right feelings but nothing really came up. She didn’t feel anything about them being there or being gone at the moment.

“To be honest, it didn’t really make much difference.”

“But it did. You just asked where they were. That’s the difference, Jessie. You care, although you try to tell yourself you don’t, cause it easier for you to push people away and tell yourself you don’t need them. But it’s the other way around, you just need some time and help to see it.”

“And you’re going to help me see that?”

“Yes.”

“How can you be so fucking sure it will work? Why do you even care?”

“I’ll never give up on you, Jessie you know that. After all, see how far you’ve come. Do you even remember how far gone you were when we first met? This will be a walk in the park compeered to that.”

“It the same!”

“No… No, Jessie, it’s not the same. You’ll never be same and it will never be the same as it was back then.”

“Why?”

Jessie snapped her head towards Andy when he asked the question.

“Because she has you, Mr. Flanery over there and everyone else who just left but above all she’s got Mr. Reedus, their daughter and Mingus. Family makes all the difference in the world. I’m sure you’d agree.”

“Of course…Hey, J?”

She tore her eyes away from the doctor to Andy. He held her gaze for a few second, making sure he had her attention before he spoke.

“I love you.”

She hadn’t expected those words to be the once he spoke but it was what the exact kind of words she needed at the moment. She didn’t need to be told everything was going to be alright and that people would help her through this.

“I love you too, Andy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/5dmQ3QWpy1Q <3


	12. #familyfirst

Norman finally started to relax when Jessie had eaten a full a meal and he could feel her energy change from tensed and stressed to becoming a lot calmer. He could feel her body relax in his arms and her breathing went back to normal.

After Andy’s simple words of love, the doctor had begun to talk again and given them a plan for the coming days. The newcomer, in Norman’s eyes, was going to make daily visits for at least two weeks. When the doctor had reminded Jessie about the fact that her words were law at the moment, Norman had felt Jessie growl just a little but agreed when being told that Melodi’s future was at stake. At these words, however, she had started to get restless and Norman knew she was eager to see their daughter. He didn’t have the time to suggested it though, before she asked for her.

“Can I please see our daughter now?”

“Are you su-“

“If you fucking stop me now, I’ll kill you!”

For some reason the doctor sniggered at Jessie’s comment but it was only Andy and Sean that looked shocked about this. Norman sniggered too and hugged her tighter and kissed the side of her head.

“Well, ok then. I guess that proves you’re ready.”

“How?”

Sean asked, puzzled.

“Come on, dude. Has she ever threatened you unless she really meant it or was serious about it?”

Both of his brothers considerate this for a moment but then both nodded. And Andy actually moved from his spot pretty quickly and made it towards the back doors. She tensed a little in his arms when they heard Andy call out for Jeffrey but this was because she was excited, not worried or afraid.

“She’s doing fine, baby, remember?”

“I know.”

She said, a bit breathy but yet confident as they saw Jeffrey walk past Andy, who held open the doors, and into the room. She looked tinny in Jeffrey’s big arms and seemed to be asleep. The moment Jessie moved and said her name out loud though, she jerked around and gave an angry cry.

“Jesus, hold on, sweetie. I’ll get you to your mother… There’s really nothing wrong with her hearing, man.”

Quickly, Jeffrey made his way over with the fighting baby girl and placed her straight into Jessie’s outstretched arms without hesitation. She hugged their baby girl hard and Melodi’s angry cries quickly changed to happy cooing. His eyes welled up with happy tears as he watched their reunion. Jessie’s whole posture changed as soon as she got to hold their daughter again and if he had some doubts as to whether or not she was going to be ok again, they were all gone now. They could get through anything together.

“Can I still nurse her?”

Within minutes of connecting again, the girl clearly showed her mother what she wanted from her and stated to move her small head from side to side while sucking on her hands. Jessie turned to the doctor with her desperate question.

“Yes.”

“Helena and Maya helped her breastfeed even though you were asleep.”

She turned around hastily and looked at him when he spoke.

“But…You… You drugged me.”

“I had them wait until I was sure the drugs were out of your system.”

At this reassuring explanation, Jessie turned her full attention to their daughter and moved out of his arms to get into a better position. He watched her cross her legs under herself and place Melodi in her lap as he had seen her done so many times before. He watched for even the smallest sign that not everything was as it was suppose to be. He knew everything had changed but as he watched her gently and carefully start to feed their baby girl, he was able to put the horrible events from just a few hours ago, at the back of his head. His heart had stopped beating when he heard her scream and the picture that met him when he finally managed to kick in the door, would be imprinted on the insides of his eyelids for a very long time.

He found himself watching her bandaged wrist and it made him shiver. Making sure all the knife in the house was hidden away had been an absolute insane but necessary precaution that he had decided to take after talking to Dr. Jason. They had both agreed that she wouldn’t want to kill herself but that she might had to cross the line to figure out she actually wanted to live.

“You have all right to hate me but could you please just sit down?”

He snapped out of his own thoughts when he suddenly heard Jessie speak next to him and he tore his gaze away from her wrist and looked wildly around. Mingus had appeared in the hallway by the stairs to the second landing and was peaking inside the living room. Jessie, who had always had a sixth scent about knowing when she was being watched, spoke without looking up. When he got eye contact with his son, he saw that he was still angry but he was just as weak to Melodi as everyone else and he knew Mingus would never make a scene when she was around.

Mingus took a moment too long to replay and it made Jessie look up and find him at once. Once again she asked him to sit and gestured to the empty armchair to her right. He followed his son’s movement forwards with caution. He wasn’t sure what was going through Mingus’s mind at the moment and he couldn’t remember ever seeing him so angry with Jessie before.

“I’m sorry, Mingus. I really, truly am. I know it’s not good enough but it’s all I’ve got right now. You’ve all right to be pissed.”

“I did mean it!”

She looked away at these words and Norman tried all in vain to make Mingus look at him, begging him to just take things easy.

“I know you did. I hate me too.”

“So your solution to it all is to cut your fucking wrist?!”

“I just had to feel something, anything. The pain made the numbness go away.”

“So what the hell are you going to do about it?”

“We’re going to figure it out together as a family and you’re part of that family. Right?”

Norman spoke the last couple of words loud and clear enough that his son had to look around at him. Still he narrowed his eyes and glared just as much at him as he had glared at Jessie.

“I’ve no idea what the fuck this is anymore. This is fucked up, dad.”

“It’s always been fucked up, Mingus.”

Jessie said and almost despite himself, it seemed Mingus actually smiled just a little at these words.

“For the past 6 months, things haven’t been fucked up. Everything has just been perfect and I was even looking forward to staying with you guys down here. But now… Now I even wish she wouldn’t have happen at all and the worst fucking thing’s that… Is that I know you feel the same.”

“I do… Well, I did. But the thing is that it wouldn’t change anything. Not now. She’s right here, right now and I love her to pieces. It’s just hard to love someone so much when you can’t even see her being alive next year.”

“Is that what you do? You see her die?”

“Yes. Over and over again. First Jacob and then he turns into her and they just burn and scream and I can’t burry another child, Mingus. I rather kill myself than to live through that again.” 

“So you’re just gonna stop living cause something that’s not even going to happen? Nothing’s wrong with her, Jessie! She’s healthy as a horse.”

“If I may…?”

When no one protested at the doctors words, she continued in a hast, as though she was afraid of getting yelled at by the teenager.

“This is nothing that’s going to be fixed within a few days but it can be fixed. All these different emotions are frustrating for you, I know but you need to understand that having emotions like this, is so much better than not having any at all. Feeling nothing at all is the most dangerous thing there is. You’re an emotional human being, something you share with your father but as I’m sure you’re aware, Jessie doesn’t work the same. At least not when it comes to show those emotions so this, that you can put to words what it is that you feel, Jessie, is a huge help for your recovery.”    

“Are we talking years here, or what?”

“No, not year. But months.”

“How long did it take the last time?”

“She spent about 6 months in rehab with daily therapy of different kinds. After 6 months she was well enough to function on her own and being somewhat recovered.” 

At these words, Jessie snorted.

“You don’t agree?”

“Sure but I’m not sure I really was that “functional” when all I tried to do was to find a way to feel something by fucking everyone that came my way.”

“Is that what you did? Used sex to feel something?”

The question from Mingus made Norman squirm a little and he didn’t want Jessie to answer but he knew her better than that. She would never deny Mingus an answer to one of his questions.

“Yeah.”

“Did you?”

“Feel anything? No. Not until I met your dad… We’ll work this out, Mingus, I promise. And if you don’t want any part of it, I understand but it would mean a lot to me if you kept in touch with Melodi. She loves you. I love you and I’ll make it through this for you and her. But it will take some time.”

“I just need you to get better, work this shit out, cause I fucking hate to see you like this.”

“I’m sorry, Mingus.”

“You will be if you don’t work this out.”

“What are you going to do? Hunt me in my sleep?”

Norman heard the tinniest hint of a joke in her voice when she spoke to his son and at first it seemed like Mingus wasn’t going to bite but then he chuckled.

“That would be the least of your problems, Jessie.”

“Good to know.”

Nervously he watched as Melodi was done eating and Jessie grabbed their daughter and placed her to her shoulder and hugged her. As he watched them and he saw that everyone else was doing the same thing, he realized that it would take some time until they could all relax around Jessie again. His son’s reaction was a pretty big proof of that fact. He had all right to be angry, Norman just hadn’t expected him to be _that_ angry. He would’ve to take some time to talk to Mingus but for the time being, he probably needed to be left alone for a while.

Sean stole Jessie’s attention by start talking about their daughter and how much alike they were and he was thankful he could get a few moments to himself. He wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone with Melodi but knowing Sean was sitting just next to them, made him get up, kiss Jessie’s hair and head out on the porch. Spring was in the air in Georgia and the temperature was creeping up for each day that passed but it was still a little chilly in the weak afternoon sun. He realized as he sat down on the top step of the stair leading down to the law why though. He still hadn’t put on a shirt and when he looked down on his naked chest and arms he found that his hands were bloody. They started to tremble slightly as he held them up but he made no effort to stop them.

“You’ll get sick.”

Andy joined him only minutes later and handed him a hoodie as he sat down next to him. He gave the man a low ‘thank you’ before putting it on.

“Some weekend, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that. Thank you for getting me home in one piece.”

“Of course, man. I would do it again.”

“I know but I really, really, fucking hope you won’t have to. Ever again.”

“She’s going to be alright, Norman.”

“Yeah but it’s not going to be the same after this.”

“It doesn’t mean it won’t be good again. Just different…. I’ve seen you guys go through it all and I know you’ll make it through this too. You just have to stick together.”

“I’m going to have to cancel everything. Cominc con, I was doing _Talking Dead,_  I can’t do it. I don’t want to. I have to be by her side through this. Through all of this. I’ll break every fucking contract there is and I don’t even give a shit. I just have to be there for here, you know?”

“Of course…. What does that mean though? Breaking every contract? AMC too?”

“I just gotta quit being me for a while. No more agents, no more publicist, managers… I can’t fail her again, Andy. I should’ve been here. I’ll never be able to make it up to her for this but I’ve to start somewhere, right?”

“You know she doesn’t blame you, not really.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’d fucking blame me. From now on it’s just us… Us against the whole fucking world.”

“It’s always been you against the fucking world. Norm.”

“Not like this. This is going to be war for an unknown period of time and it has to be able to take as long as she needs and I can’t be distracted by some fucking agents who want me to make a motherfucking comment in an article or show my face in a commercial.”

“You’re going to piss a lot of people off.”

“I don’t care.”

His head had been extremely confused and unfocused for the past hours but when he finally made up his mind that his professional life would’ve to be put on hold for as long as it had to, everything seemed so much easier. And it was an easy decision to make when he knew what he would be giving it up for. His determination was so absolute that he turned to Andy and asked him to help him out form an informative letter to all the people that work for and with him to let them know he would terminate their working relationship fact off imminently.

It was a true testament to how well Andy knew him, that he didn’t even question him in this decision because he knew there would be no way around it. Andy supported him no matter what and it was therefore, they found themselves barricading the office only minutes after Norman had asked for help. An hour later everything was done and he had e-mailed, faxed and texted everyone affected. After a long discussion with Andy and Greg, he had however decided to let his decision about his future with AMC hang in limbo for a few more days. He also took the time to update his social media for what he knew would be the last time in maybe months. He found the perfect selfie from the past week with Melodi sleeping on him and Jessie sleeping with her head on his shoulder and although one couldn’t see him, Mingus had been there too when he took the picture. He posted the black and white photo with one simple hashtag _#famiilyfirstsecondlastandalways._

He realized he probably should give some kind of explanation to what was going on, that he owned it to his fans but that wasn’t the priority right now. The only thing that truly mattered was to make sure Jessie made it through this alive.

“Take these with you when you leave and hid them somewhere in your house where I can’t find them.”

After posting the picture on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, he turned off every phone and tablet he owned and handed all of them, except one, to Andy.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I need to disconnect from everything right now, can’t have anything interfering.”

“Wow… I gotta say, dude, I’m a bit surprised by this determination, that you’d take this so seriously.”

“My wife just tried to kill herself, it kinda puts things in perspective, don’t you think?”

“Yeah… Hey, come here.”

Before he could even feel himself start to fall apart as the realization of what he had just said hit him, Andy offered him a shoulder to lean on. Andy disposed of the electronics on the desk behind him and wrapped his arms around Norman as he stepped closer.

“It’s ok to break down just a little.”

“Yeah, but don’t tell.”

He said in between sobs and held on tight to the back of Andy’s shirt. In here, alone with Andy he could allow himself to finally feel a little of the insanity that had been his life for the past couple of days.

“I’ll stay for a few days, ok?”

“No, you don’t have-“

“I know I don’t have to but I want to. I’ve already talked to Gale and the kids. You’re family too, Norman.”

“Thank you. Really, Andy, thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Still… I love you.”

“I love you too. Now, take a deep breath and pull yourself together. I’ll be right here when you need to break down again but right now I think you should go and spend some time with your girls.”

Andy held him at arm’s length and looked straight at him when he spoke. Quickly he dried a few of the tears that lingered on his cheek and Norman took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second by Andy’s touch. He had lost track about how many times he had thanked higher power or whoever or whatever had made sure the Britt came into his life.

“Ok… I’m fucking exhausted. What time is it anyway? I’ve lost track of everything.”

“It’s Monday night, a little after 7. You should get something to eat and then try to get some sleep tonight.”

“Yeah, sleep… I’m not really looking forward to that to be honest.”

Norman pushed open the door to the office and made his way through the hallway and he looked back at Andy over his shoulder as he followed him.

“Sleeping pills are totally off of the table?”

“Be my guest and suggest it to her but be sure to be on the other side of the country when you do.”

Norman could tell that Andy wasn’t taking him serious and he even rolled his eyes at him when he walked past him in a hurry. Andy located Jessie at the same time as he did. She had moved from the sofa, to the dinner table, still with Melodi in her arms. Dr. Jason was sitting across from her and both Jeffrey and Sean were joining them as well while Mingus was busy in the kitchen. He took another deep breath and prayed that Andy would go easy on her and not make things worse. She looked up when she heard them approach and her eyes found his at once. It might have been wishful thinking but he thought he saw her relax as soon as she saw him. She gave half a smile in his direction but quickly turned her attention back to the conversation at the table, giving him time to direct his own attention towards his son.

“Can we talk?”

He felt he had to ask, giving Mingus the opportunity to actually say no if he wasn’t ready to talk just yet. He poked his head out of the fridge and looked at him for a moment. Finally he gave a sigh and nodded.

“Ok, but you gotta help me put dinner together than.”

“Of course. What’re you making?”

“Chicken burgers and sweet potato fries.”

“Sounds great. So put me to work. I can make the fries.”

“Alright.”

Mingus pushed the potatoes towards him and Norman took his chance and grabbed hold of his son’s hand. Mingus made a weak attempt to retract it from his grasp at first but when they looked at each other, Mingus’s shoulders slumped and he got slightly teary eyed.

“I love you, Mingus.”

He got no replay at first, they simply stood there looking at each other while Norman held his hand tightly in his own. After a minute or two however, Mingus closed his own fingers around his father’s hand and squeezed.

“I love you too, dad.”

He brought his son’s hands towards his lips and kissed the top of it before releasing it but placed his hand on Mingus cheek for a brief moment. Mingus blinked away a few tears and leaned in to his father’s tough.

“I’m not going to apologize.”

Despite the fact that he was wiping away tears, Mingus looked extremely determent and still angry. Norman nodded back and refocused on the task at getting the dinner ready just as Mingus did the same.

“I wasn’t expecting you to. You’re entitled to your anger, Mingus. You’ve all right to react the way you did. I just… Wasn’t expecting it.”

“Me neither. It sort of just came out. I mean, I… I meant it, everything I said was true but I didn’t know I was actually going to say it.”

“I understand if you don’t want to stay but-“

“No, I’m staying. There’s no way I’m leaving Melodi right now.”

“She’ll be ok again. Jessie will make it through this.”

“I’m not taking any chances, dad. I’m sorry but I’m not… It’s not that I don’t believe you can take care of her or that she can eventually but I believe she needs you more than Mel to make it through this… So, that’s what I’m going to do. Be here to take care of her so you don’t have to worry about her and you can focus on each other.”

He froze in the middle of a movement and held the knife he was going to cut the potato with an inch over it when he Mingus spoke. He felt his jaw actually drop in chock and he tried to say something but nothing came out. Mingus must have noticed his reaction and didn’t like it at all. He saw his son’s angry gaze and he even crossed his arms firmly across his chest.

“Ok.”

He heard himself say the words, although he felt panic spread through him by saying it. It wasn’t ok. Nowhere near ok. Mingus shouldn’t take this much responsibility for his little sister. He shouldn’t be this grown up. By his words, Mingus had however relaxed and returned to making dinner and Norman decided to leave it at that for the time being. He was sure the discussion would resurface pretty soon and then he could try to talk some sense into his son but for now he didn’t want to make things worse and make a scene.

“You’ve to talk to your mom too though.”

“I already have.”

The words were short and harsh and Norman imagined that Helena probably hadn’t had anything to see about this decision even if she wanted to. He knew she would’ve protested and tried to reason with their son but by the sound of Mingus determination, he had shut that shit down pretty quickly. So Norman simply nodded and they continued making dinner in silence.

In the background, Norman tried to listen in on the conversations that were being held at the table but his mind was having a hard time to focus on just one thing. He still tried to make sense of all the things Mingus had yelled at Jessie about and his decision to end all working relationships he had with agents kept being mixed together with the real time topics just feet away from him.

One of these chaotic thoughts got interrupted very effectively when he suddenly felt a pair or arms around his waist and he felt Jessie drop her head to his back and hug him. He noticed that he was standing by the fryer and waited for it to finish but he couldn’t remember putting the potatoes in. He dropped his gaze past the counter and they landed at once at her white bandage and it took all the will power he possessed at that moment not to say the exact words that Mingus had said to her earlier. He knew he would say it at some point but this wasn’t the time for it. Instead he placed his own arm on top of hers and squeezed back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.”

He replayed and began to caress her arms when Jessie didn’t seem to be in any hurry to let him go.

“What were you and Andy up to?”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I just had to take care of some things.”

“What if I want to know?”

“I don’t want you to worry about it, J. I’ve taken care of it and all we’ve to care about right now is us, ok? Nothing else matters than to get you back on track again.”

“Alright.”

He noticed that Mingus was studying them where they stood and he was pleased to see that the scowling was all gone. Instead his son looked puzzled and maybe a little bit upset. They both got so lost in their embrace that they jumped as the timer to the fryer came to an end.

“Let’s eat.”

Mingus called out, making him snap right back to reality, although he wanted to stay right there and feel her body close by and he felt Jessie pull away and they started to set the table.

                                            ------------------------------------------

It was a war he was fighting. There really wasn’t any other way he could describe it than a fucking war! He was used to being physical exhausted but this mental exhaustion he felt after just 5 days went beyond everything he had experienced before. The days were alright but the nights were a living hell.

His anxiety about getting her to sleep started to creep up on him even before they finished dinner. He had tried everything to try to make her relax but the extreme stress she experienced just thinking about going to sleep had made all his attempts with everything from taking a bath to watch a movie, fail. She fell asleep on pure exhaustion several hours past midnight and woke up screaming just hours later. It got the point where he finally asked Andy to take his place so he could finally get a whole night’s sleep. It had done him good and he had a plan that he hoped would work.

He made his move when he saw that Jessie was done feeding their daughter. From the kitchen he saw her place the baby girl on the couch beside her and she leaned over the girl and kissed her hair and talked quietly to her. Like all the other nights, Mingus appeared from upstairs and made his way over to the duo. And like all the other nights, Jessie handed their daughter over to Mingus and he watched as his children vanished up the stairs. Melodi was sleeping in Mingus room for the time being just to make sure they at least could sleep through the night.

Norman finished cleaning up the kitchen before approaching Jessie. She was sitting like so many times the past couple of night just starring into space. He had to physical touch her face before he got a response out of her.

“What?”

“Come on.”

He offered her his hand but she just looked at it.

“Why?”

“Just come on, J.”

He asked. For a whole minute he waited on her but finally he was rewarded and she took his hand and they rose together. He took her down to the basement and into the studio. She stopped in the middle of the room when he let her go.

“I don’t think my body knows how to-“

“You don’t have to dance. Just lay down on the floor and let’s listen to some music.”

She gaped at him and didn’t move. He had to make her lay down on the floor and he laid down right next to her. He could feel her body want to move right off of the floor the second her back hit the surface but he held her down. He didn’t have to use much force though as he laid down beside her and pushed play on his phone. Her breathing came in short and fast breaths at first but after Dr. Jason had suggested he use physical pressure to calm her, he leaned up on one elbow and placed one big hand, heavy on her chest. To his surprise it actually helped and her breathing slowed some.

“Just listen to the music, baby. There’s nothing else you have to do right now, just listen and try to breathe slowly. We use do this in New York, remember? Just lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and listen to records all night long.”

_Crashing, hit a wall_

_Right now I need a miracle_

_Hurry up now, I need a miracle_

The first song he found on the latest of her playlists on Spotify was one he had heard but not really paid much attention to. He gave the display a quick look and saw the group name called _Chainsmokers_ which actually made him smile. It was pretty ironic all of it, both the lyrics and the name of the group.

“What's on your mind right now?”

He looked down on her but she didn’t see him. She looked past him and straight up at the ceiling. He could tell she was actually doing as he had told her and listen to the music. Once the song ended however, her focus changed.

“I hate that I like the fact that Mingus takes Melodi every night. I hate that I can’t be the mother she needs me to be. I hate that I feel like it isn’t enough when it should be enough that you’re right here right now.”

“It will be enough, Soon.”

“Why are you still here? Why don’t you just give up on me and go on with your life?”

The question was very sincere and she wanted an honest answer but he didn’t have to think about his answer.

“It wouldn’t be any kind of life without you, Jessie. We’re in this for life, remember? Until death do us part? In sickness and in health.”

“I wouldn’t blame you for leaving.”

“I’m not leaving, J. You gotta have some faith, babe. It will get better. The therapy with Maria is making progress every day.”

“Not fast en-“

“No, Jessie stop. There’s no fucking time pressure here. There’s nothing that you’ve to get back to.”

“You do.”

“No, I don’t.”

He said firmly and made sure she knew he really meant it, by grabbing her jaw and forced her to look at him.

“My place is right here with you and our daughter. We don’t have to talk right now, you don’t. We do that enough with Dr. Shrink all day. Just lay here.”

To his surprise, she nodded at him and he could see her shoulders lower just a little bit as a friction of the stress melted away. When he was sure she wouldn’t run off, he laid back down beside her and searched for her hand. He braided their fingers together and his thumb began to draw small circles on top of her hand.

He closed his eyes in an attempt to make the room spin. Fragments of the past days flashed back and forth in his mind, like he couldn’t decided what to focus on. Hell, there were so much spinning in his head that he couldn’t make sense of half of them or put them together in the right timeline. He knew today was Friday, but that was just because Andy had told him, he would’ve to go home Sunday night, in 2 days. Other than that, they days had just blurred together into one big messy lump of memories. Bad memories mostly. He couldn’t remember when it was but he had lost it completely on one of their many sessions with the doctor. He had said all the things that lingered in the darkest part of his mind. Yelled and cursed at her until there were no more air left in his lungs. It went so much further than Mingus’s accusations and so out of his control that he had stormed out of the house, grabbed his bike and rode the backroads, to avoid too much traffic and people, until darkness fell. He had had to stop several times as his crying made his vision too blurry to actually make out where he was going. The worst thing was that it had felt so good to finally being able to say what he really felt. At the same time it was the worst thing as he knew he would be making things worse by accusing her of not doing enough. Of being too fucked up. He had even yelled at her about not loving Melodi and not wanting her in the first place.

Somehow, which he couldn’t really remember, he had gotten back to the house and begged on his bare knees, tears and snot covering his face, to make her forgive him. He had pleaded with her through a closed door that might have been their bedroom or Melodi’s, he wasn’t sure anymore. No one besides Melodi had slept that night. Andy and Sean had both stuck around and Helena and his sister had still been there too. Now only Andy and Mingus reminded in the house and Dr. Jason occupied it for every hour of the day except 12 hours at night. She was always on call though and was staying in Senoia and he hadn’t yet called her and he hoped he wouldn’t have to.

She had improved though, he had to admit that. Only it would be so much better and probably help a lot if she could sleep more than 3 hours at the time. Andy had developed an insane bad habit of suggesting she should try sleeping pills at least once every single day. She had shouted at him the first couple of times but since the day before, chosen to just ignore him. He was glad that she didn’t start taking any kind of pills. Andy had thought it was for Melodi’s sake that he didn’t join in his campaign but that wasn’t his reason. He was terrified of seeing the last bit of fight that she still had, vanish if she gave in to any kind of drug. Every now and then he could still see the real Jessie. The person she was supposed to be was still there and she fought to find a way back to her.

                                            ---------------------------------------

_March 18 th 2017 – US weekly   _

_The mystery surrounding Walking Dead star Norman Reedus and his wife Jessie, has taken a turn towards the even more mysterious. It’s been a week since the married couple and parents to 2 month year old daughter, Melodi, vanished from the face of the earth. After a very public breakdown on the airport in Madrid, Reedus and his coworker and close friend Andrew Lincoln was seen arguing and yelling and seemed to be in an extreme hurry to get back to the States as fast as possible. Witnesses to the incident told US weekly that the Zombie killing father seemed to fear for his daughter’s life and was desperate to get back home in the middle of the ongoing presstour. A few days after this, Reedus turned to Instagram and Twitter with a short and very cryptic message to hours later delete all social media accounts._

_The 48 year actor also cut the cord with his entire agent stab the same day and it seems Mr. Reedus has chosen to leave his career behind, creating a state of absolute panic among his fans and followers. Our reporter tried to get a statement from Reedus costar and close friends Sean Patrick Flanery and Jeffrey Dean Morgan as they were spotted at Atlanta airport. Neither of the actors was in the mood of talking or had no comments about either Norman or Jessie’s wellbeing. The two men were clearly stressed about something and Mr. Flanery, who is said to have grown very close to Mrs. Reedus seemed close to tears and very emotional._

_US weekly can today revile what’s most likely the cost of all this drama. A source from a person close to Reedus told US that the daughter Jessie, under mysterious circumstances, gave birth to January 6 th of this year, might in fact not be Norman’s at all. _

_“Jessie has never been faithful. She has cheated on Norman with dozens of guys but she always managed to convince him otherwise, although there’s plenty of proof.”_

_Our source, who wish to remain anonyms has seen the proof first hand and tells US what’s really going on behind the scene’s._

_“They’ve a messed up relationship that has been going on for more than a decade. I’ve seen her being intimate with other guys right in front of his eyes and it doesn’t even bother her. There’re not even stranger most of the time, but friends of his.”_

_Information like this put everything into a new light and it might be an explanation to why Mr. Reedus all of a sudden decided to disconnect from the outside word. Finding out baby girl Melodi is in fact someone else’s child, might have been the final straw for the actor. It does not however explain why the actor would chose to share a photo of “his daughter” and her mother with the caption that family always comes first. And seeing as Norman Reedus no longer have an agent or spokesperson and the man himself hasn’t been seen for a week, this mystery will keep on growing._

_Later this week we will have a longer and exclusive interview with our anonyms source, where she will revile the horrifying truth about this, on the surface, perfect couple that captured the heart of an entire nation during 2016._

Andy read through the article that his wife had sent him, twice. He had got the text just as he parked his car outside Norman’s house. He cursed to himself and hit the stearin wheel so hard, he accidently made the horn sound. He didn’t have to give it another thought about who this “close friend” was and he opened the car door with his phone pressed to his ear and started a frantic search for a way to fix this before it could make serious damage. 10 minutes and just as many phone calls later, he had her private number on his display. Andy rounded the corner of the porch at the back of the house she picked up with a confused ‘hello’?

“Cecilia, hello. This is Andy.”

The line fell silent and he amused himself for a second and imagined her horrified expression wherever in the world she was. He didn’t give a fuck, she was just another thing in his best friend’s life that was doing more harm than good and had to be taken care of.

“I’m going to take your silence as a sign that you’re aware of why I’m calling…?”

“No, I can’t say that-“

“Cut the fucking crap! I know what you did and I don’t even give a shit why you did it, I’m sure you had your reasons in that twisted fucking brain of yours, if you even have one! But I’m telling you right now, Missy, if you ever say another word about shit you know nothing about, I’ll personal make sure you’ll regret it for as long as you live!”  

Once again, Norman’s ex-girlfriend seemed lost for words and he could only hear her stutter something incoherent on the other line.

“Do you understand what I’m telling you, Cecilia?”

“Yes…”

She finally said with a low voice.

“Good. There’s enough shit going on right now and your fucking lies isn’t really helping! Keep your mouth shut!”

“But they’re not lies…”

She tried but Andy wasn’t backing down on bit this morning. He had gotten into complete defense mood against everything and everyone who could or would hurt his family the moment Norman got the phone call in Spain.

“I don’t give a fuck right now! I know it’s not lies and I know what fucking happened between you too, Cecilia! But to tell the whole world? What the fuck is wrong with you?! Keep it to yourself, take it all back and don’t say a fucking more thing about it! You hear me?!”

“I hear you, Andy. Are they alr-“

“You’ve no fucking right to ask that right now! Goodbye, Cecilia!”

Andy quickly interrupted the female when the question came and he hung up on her with trembling fingers. In fact, his entire body shook with rage and he had to take a moment to compose himself before walking up the porch and into the house through the backdoor.

Mingus looked up at him from the kitchen with a puzzled expression on his face and Melodi on his arm.

“Damn, I’ve never heard you so mad before. Who the hell needs to be murdered?”

“No one… Anymore. Someone talked some shit to the press but she won’t be doing it again.”

“Seriously? Who….? Wait, Cecilia, right?”

“Yeah.”

Andy leaned over the counter and watched as Mingus walked around preparing breakfast one-handed. He offered the teenager some release without a word and simply held out his arms. Mingus gave it a second thought, than kissed his sister before handing her over to Andy. He supported the child on the counter and held her head in the palm of his hands. She looked back at him with alert eyes that had turned an intense green color and at the sight of him, she started to wave her chubby arms and laugh.

“Hey there, sweet girl. How are you doing?”

He sat talking to the girl for a moment before he realized what was missing. It was too quiet in the house. Jessie would usually be up before dawn and the doctor was usually there as well. But today the house was very quiet.   

“Where’s everyone?”

At this question, Mingus stopped by the open fridge and looked around the door at him and gave a small smile.

“They’re still sleeping.”

“Wow. Since when?”

“I’m not sure but I took Mel at around 10 last night and dad took Jessie down to the studio… They use to do this thing back in the day… I’d find them laying on the floor in the living room, listening to records. They could spend an entire day like that…. Anyway, the music stopped around midnight so I guess they’ve been asleep since around midnight.”

“But that’s more than 9 hours.”

“I know.”

“God, I hope this takes a turn for the better now.”

“Yeah, let’s hope it does. You’re leaving tomorrow?”

“Yeah, catching an over-night flight, have to get back to the kids. Could you keep me informed? I know Norm will try but I don’t want him to have to do it, you know? I’ll call but could you maybe just text me once a day or something?”

“Sure. I promised Sean I’d the same.”

“Do you still hate her?”

Mingus was done cooking breakfast and placed two plates with fried eggs on the counter and produced 2 cups of coffee, which he placed at a safe distance from the waving arms of his sister. He sat down opposite Andy and started to eat before he looked up and answered.

“I never really did hate her, just what she did. What she does, I guess.”

“I can’t say that I blame you. But she’s really trying.”

“I know… You know, I never asked dad to leave her. I always told him to fight for her cause I knew what she meant to him but if this doesn’t get better… I don’t know, I wouldn’t want Melodi to have to grow up in this.”

“Of course not. But that’s not going to happen, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“It’s all I worry about, all I think about. What if she doesn’t getter better? What if she can’t figure this out, if nothing ever goes back to normal? I mean, as normal as it can ever get with those two.”

“You would ask him to leave?”

“No, I wouldn’t ask, I would tell him to leave. For her sake.”

Mingus nodded towards the baby girl, who Andy had placed in her baby bouncer in between them. Andy stopped with his cup of coffee halfway towards his mouth when Mingus spoke. The younger must have realized how harsh his words sounded and nodded towards him.

“I know what you’re thinking but I wouldn’t be able to just stand aside and not do anything. I love Jessie, she’s family but Melodi… She’s my little sister. She’s more important to me than anything.”

Andy found himself staring at the young man in front of him and just getting overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions. He wanted to hug the kid and just smoother him with love but he wasn’t sure Mingus was quiet ready to receive that kind of affection from him at the moment. He was sitting there, a perfect replica of his father in that very moment. So full of love and always willing to sacrifices everything for the once he loved. He had always felt extremely blessed that he had met Norman and that he could include him in his closest family and this was one of the reasons. He was extremely protective of the once closest to him and it seemed Mingus had developed the exact same qualities.

When he felt himself tear up, he turned away from Mingus and tried to hid it by drinking his coffee and eat his breakfast. At the corner of his eyes, he could see that Mingus picked up on it but just as his father, most of the time, he allowed Andy his space and pretended not to have notice.


	13. Top of the world

Jessie was stiff when she woke up. Confusing was the next thing that registered in her well rested mind. The fetal position in Norman’s arms were normal but the surrounding was something totally different from their bedroom. She had no memory of falling asleep the night before, only that Norman had forced her to listen some music. She recalled allowing Linkin Park to fill her up completely and the loud music had made her tune out everything else. Which was probably why she had fallen asleep. She wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep but it didn’t matter. All she knew was that she had gotten more sleep tonight than all the other days in the week combined.

He was right there beside her like all the other nights, well except one but then Andy had been there instead, and he looked back at her with calm etched on his pretty blues. She hadn’t seen him so calm for days and she smiled back at him when he leaned in closer to her and kissed her lips lightly.

“Good morning.”

She sighed and snuggled her head under his chin, loving the feeling of things being back to normal. If just for a second. She wanted everything to go back to normal so bad. She would do anything to have it like it had been but they both knew it wouldn’t last. Not yet. She knew they would be ok at some point. But when that time might be was far away in the uncertain future.

“I love you.”

She said and he replayed with the same words like so many times before. Through the open door they could hear Andy’s voice carry all the way down to them from somewhere above them. She frowned to herself and wondered what could possible make the Englishman so damn upset that he yelled worse than ever. She could only linger on this for a minute or two though. She couldn’t focus on much for a longer period of time at the moment. The only thing that kept her focused was when Melodi was around but then she tuned everything and everyone else out instead. Multitasking was something she proud herself being pretty damn awesome at but that ability was gone with so many other things that made her who she was. Losing who she was all over again was devastating and in some ways this was worse than the first time. Back then she had known how it was going to end and after that she wouldn’t have to think about it or eve live again. This time she had to fight so much harder to find her way back to who she was supposed to be. This time there wasn’t an easy way out.  She didn’t want an easy way out this time around. And she hugged her reason for this even harder where they lay in silence on the floor.

“Where are you going?”

She freed herself from his embrace and sat up and tried to get her body to wake up. Behind her, Norman leaned up on both elbows.

“Nowhere.”

She said and carefully rose to her feet and tried to find her balance. She sawed a little by the sudden movement but quickly stared to stretch to make sure the blood flow started to work correctly again.

“I’ll never get up from here.”

His complaining words made her smile and she found herself making a joke about his old age, which made him growl at her. She moved out of his reach when he, with some difficulty got to his feet. His neck and back cracked several times over when he stretched his body and she watched him from a safe distance. The frustration she felt when she watched him made her confused at first. Then she realized she ought to have some kind of reaction to seeing his arms and back flex and getting a peek of his belly when he lifted his arms above his head. Normally she would’ve thrown herself at him and they would’ve started to make out and that would’ve lead to sex but as she watched him now, she couldn’t find any of these feelings. And that made her frustrated.

But with a whole night worth of sleep behind her, some things had changed. She looked around the room and started to go through a choreography in her head that she had worked out for a while but never actually tried out. Before she could ask, Norman had walked up to her and held his phone in his hand and gave it to her. She searched for the right song and gave it back to him. She saw him watch the display for a second before turning around and head towards his usual spot. She took a few steps and stood in the middle of the room and watched herself in the big mirrors in front of her. Her stars and strip’s harem pants hung a little loser on her hips but she ignored the fact that she had probably lost a little too much weight the past week. Food wasn’t really the priority when being faced with the possibility of losing your child. She ran the first line of lyrics through in her head before it started.

_I’m trying but I keep falling down_

_I cry out but nothing comes now_

_I’m giving my all_

_And I know peace will come_

_I never wanted to need someone_

She had already finished the entire chorography once in her head before the song ended for the first time but just started over right away. As the first piano notes started again she stepped forward and let the music and lyrics fill her entire body. By the time the song began again for a 3rd time, she saw Norman pick up his phone to record her.

“Don’t stop recording. I need you to remember this.”

She was out of breath but spoke with determination as she watched him through the mirror. He lowered the phone slightly and nodded towards her. She turned around and sank to the floor with her back against the mirrors and tried to find the right words for everything she wanted to say to him.

“I never wanted to need someone. I really didn’t. And I know I don’t deserve you after everything that has happened.”

She heard him take a breath at these words and she knew he wanted to protest but she caught him off before he could.

“Don’t… Just listen right now… I tried so fucking hard for so long not to fall in love with you. I never wanted to need you in my life but truth is… Truth is, I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for you. People say they get it, that that is the way it’s supposed to be with the person you love the most but they don’t. It’s never been like that for me. It’s been more than that. So much more and people don’t get it. You’ve never been just the guy that I love the most, you’re the one I depend on to survive. No one else. It’s just you. It’s always been just you and a part of me hated you for it for a very long time. I hated that I couldn’t get you out of my head, that I couldn’t spend more than a few months without you. I thought that if I let someone get that close again, that-I thought I’d lose again, you know?”

She wasn’t sure if she was making much sense to him but the words just came flooding and she had to say them while she still could. She felt tears on her face but she didn’t bother to dry them off.

“To allow myself to love another human being again, after losing everyone that I loved, was… I was scared shitless, you know that. And I fought for so long not to let it happen. But you never gave up on me. Not once. I don’t know why but you stuck around and- Fuck, I mean you’ve been there for more than ten years. Although I thought I could do all this on my own. Survive on my own, that I could get out of this hell without you… I’ve fucked up so many times, I’ve hurt you in ways that would make anyone turn their back in a heartbeat. And now… When it’s probably worse than it ever has been before, when you’ve all the reasons in the world to just walk away, when I know you should give up on me, you’re still here… I mean it’s… For as long as you’ve known me and through all the crazy shit that has happened, this is worse, right? I know I’m back in the exact same hellhole as when my wanted to end my life the first time and when… When I tried to do the same thing again a few days ago, you...”

Jessie trailed off and tried to get her crying under control. She forced a few deep breaths through her lungs. She had to take her time to really try to explain this to him.

“You’re still here. Helping me out of this hell even though you should’ve left years ago. And I just… I know this is a fucked up way to try to explain and I’m probably not making much sense at all… The thing’s that I’m done trying to be a fucking superwoman who thinks she can make it through all alone. I’ve never been able to see it until now, but I never could make it through without you. You’ve always been there and I’ve always needed you to survive. It’s us against the world, right? That’s what you said and…I need you. Now more than ever if I’m ever to get out of this hell that’s my own mind right now. I love you, Norman Reedus and I need your help. I need you to help me figure this shit out so that things can get back to some kind of normal. You deserve it and so does our daughter and Mingus. I’ve to fix myself and the only person who knows how is you. It’s always been just you. You know me better than I know myself and when I hit the ground you’re all I need. No one else. And I realize this is probably the most messed up ‘thank you’ ever but…Thank you for being my superman through every grain of said shit and then some.”

She chuckled through her tears and she could see him do the same through his own as his trembling hands ended the recording. He put the phone down on the floor next to him before getting to his feet and headed straight for her and embraced her tightly on the floor. She hugged him back with every muscle in her body, trying to transfer some of the words she had said to make him understand just a little bit better. Although she knew she didn’t have to, he understood. He always did.  

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“Talk to me about the first time you actually told him you loved him.”

Jessie stopped in her tracks and made Norman, who held her hand, stop with a jerk as well. The doctor stopped a few steps ahead of them and turned to look at her.

“Why?”

She asked.

“You don’t believe it’s important?”

Dr. Jason shielded her eyes with one hand in the bright sunshine and Jessie looked back at her before glancing over at Norman. It had been his idea that they would spend the morning taking a walk in the woods instead of just sitting inside and talk like they always did. It was a beautiful morning and warm enough that even Melodi could spend an hour or two outside. Jessie peeked at her daughter, security hidden away in the carrier on her father’s chest before answering the doctor.

“Maybe. You think it is?”

“Yes.”

“How come?” 

“He’s the first person you allowed yourself to love after your family died. Of course I think it’s important, Jessie. And so do you.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Tell me about it, please.”

“Ok.”

_May 2008 – Sofia, Bulgaria_

_They had fought over his work again. But probably not in the traditional ways or for the normal reasons. She had no problem with his lifestyle whatsoever. It was one of the reasons she had stuck around for almost 2 years now. She liked that he could be gone for months at the time and she had no problem with seeing him leave. That was his problem though. He was so more attached to her than she was to him and he had gotten pissed when he had told her about his latest film project and how it would take him over to Europe for at least 2 months. She knew he hoped for her to beg him no to do it and ask him to stay with her in New York. When she had simply shrugged her shoulders and wished him safe travels he had flipped and the yelling had started._

_She noticed pretty quickly thought that something was different this time around. She missed him. Actually missed him. Not just the sex. She missed him. She missed his stupid jokes and crazy idea’s that would sometimes keep them up through the night. She missed waking up beside him and have insane morning sex._

_Jessie rolled around in the big empty bed and reached out for her phone and had just typed in his number on the display when there was a knock on the door. At first she thought about ignoring it but as there were a second knock she got to her feet, pulled on a shirt that she found on the floor and sprinted towards the front door._

_“Miss Hamilton?”_

_A Fedex guy held up a small box towards her and when she nodded, he asked her to sign a piece of paper before bidding her a good day and turned to leave. She closed the door behind her and walked back inside the apartment that wasn’t even hers. He had been gone for 3 weeks and for the past 2 weeks she had stayed in his apartment instead of her own. She recognized the handwriting on the package and it made her smile._

_She fetched a knife in the kitchen before making it back to the bedroom and she crawled back into bed and placed the box between her legs. Using the knife, she broke into the white box and found a note on top of several other items._

Instructions (yes, you HAVE to follow them!):

             Open the envelope that says 1.

_She wanted to mess up the fucking note into a ball and throw it away at first and ignore his damn rules. She had never liked having people telling her what to do. But after giving it a few more seconds thought, she decided to do as she was told and follow his instructions. Removing the first note she found the envelope that said 1 and quickly she tore it open and a bunch of polaroid photos fell into her lap. One by one she took her time to look at them and she heard herself draw breath at each of them. She had known from day one that he loved taking pictures and that he was also extremely good at it. The incredible landscapes of countryside Bulgaria were mixed together with incredible dark and mysterious city streets. As she made it to the last photo a second note show her the next step._

  1. If you haven’t already fallen in love with this place and decided that you’ve to see it with your own eyes, open envelope 2.



_She shook her head and cursed his name quietly to herself as she grabbed the second envelope and did the same thing all over again. This time small pieces of what seemed to be one larger photo fell onto the bed. Confused she grabbed the pieces and turned them over in her hand. Then she realized what she had to do and she started to put the pieces back together. Once the puzzle was solved and she saw the picture, she stated to laugh. He had taken his own photo, complete naked outside somewhere with a picture-perfect sunset behind him and in front of his privates he was holding the in next set of instructions on a big white sign._

  1. Play the recorder  



_Quickly she found the small little MP3 player inside the box and she grabbed her headphones and plugged them on and pressed play._

_“I hope you didn’t cheat cause then I’m not sure you’ll go through with step 3. Anyway, I miss you, J so fucking much and I want you to find envelope 3.”_

_She turned the box upside down and the last white envelope fell out of it and she opened it just as Norman began to speak again._

_“You got it?”_

_She nodded although she knew he couldn’t see or hear her and she couldn’t stop smiling like a damn fool as she opened it. Inside were a plane ticket for a one-way trip to Sofia, Bulgaria through Paris from JFK the very same night, May 2 nd 2008.  _

_“I love you, babe and I want you to come visit me. Like, right now. Preferable yesterday but tomorrow will work too. I still have like 3 weeks left of this thing and I then after that maybe we could just spend a week or two being common tourists and go discover together. There’s some many places over here that I want to see with you. So pack your bag, baby, grab your passport and ticket and come see me. I already know you miss me just as much I miss you. You wouldn’t be staying at my place if you didn’t. I love you, Jessie. See you soon, babe.”_

_The recording stopped and she sat with the ticket in her hands for 2 heartbeats before grabbing the phone to make sure she still had enough time to make it to JFK. The flight wouldn’t leave until 9.50, giving her plenty of time to get there as it was just past noon._

See you soon ♥

_She texted him before getting to her feet and started to get her things together. She would have to swing by her own apartment to pick up her passport and some cloths but after that she was all set and ready to leave the country._

_\----------------------------------------_

_It was a strange and unfamiliar feeling that started to spread through her body when she got off the plane at the final destination. It was strange mostly because she hadn’t felt like this for a very long time. She was looking forward to seeing another human being and spend time with one. Not just any human being through. She was looking forward to finally seeing Norman again. The feelings made her squirm a little as she waited on her luggage but still, she smiled to herself. He made her smile and the warmth that spread through her body was very unexpected and it made her a bit lightheaded. She had never thought she would be able to feel anything even remotely close to this again. After losing everyone she ever loved she had been terrified of letting anyone get close again. But Norman had been special from the first time she saw him. He had been persistent and even annoying but despite this she had kept coming back. She could’ve just kept ignoring him and decide not to see him again but here she was, 20 months later and on the other side of the world for his sake._

_He had told her, he would be there to pick her up and the thought made her feel like a damn teenager all over again. She got frustrated when the security check took too long and there were too much people shoving her around. She just wanted to see him again. When she finally managed to find her way to the arrivals terminal, following hundreds of other people, she tried to race in front of everyone but got stopped so many time she actually cursed loudly to herself, make several people glare at her. But she didn’t care, she just kept on pushing herself through the crowed and finally broke free from the group in front of her and ended up in an open space that allowed her to stop and look around for him._

_She found him at once. Maybe because she was so use to him looking for and her. Although she was sure Maya would say it was because she was in love with him. A load of crap in her mind. She wasn’t in love with Norman. She just enjoyed his company from time to time and she very, very much liked to fuck him. But as their eye met and she felt her stomach give a weird lurch when his entire face lit up in a gorgeous smile by the sight of her, she wondered if she might just have a tiny bit of a crush on the guy. And when she felt herself response to his smile with one on her own, she could literally hear Maya shout the words ‘told you so’ inside her head. She shook it off though and headed straight for him, opening her arms for a tight embrace even before they reach other. He wrapped himself around her and hugged her so tightly he lifted her off of her feet._

_“Hey, beautiful.”_

_“Hey.”_

_He released her but let one hand linger on her face and he caressed her cheek and chin gently with the tips of his fingers._

_“Fuck, I’ve missed you, J. I’m so glad you’re here.”_

_“Me too.”_

_They shared a moment of silence and she could almost hear his mind overheat with the urge not to just start making out right there and then. They had never once showed their affection for each other in public. Hugs were as far as they had come and she wasn’t about to change that now. To stop him before he decided to change that fact, she removed his hand from his face._

_“Well, are we going to explore this city or what?”_

_It looked like he wanted to protest at first but then he winked at her and reached out to grab her suitcase._

_“Hell yeah. I don’t have to be on set until tomorrow night so we got plenty of time to go explore… Hungry?”_

_“Starving.”_

_“Good. Come on.”_

_They grabbed a cab outside the airport and after dumping her stuff in the small apartment he had been given, they continued on foot through the city in search for someplace to have lunch._

_After getting some food and new energy, Norman took her around the city to the special little places he had already found. Not the big tourist attractions but his own favorites this far. He was usual very eager to discover all the new places he visited but stayed away from the big crowds and found his way around on his own and she eagerly followed him wherever he took her. She caught herself several times just watching him with a huge grin on her face. Whenever he caught her staring, he smiled right back and it made her weak at the knees. By the time darkness fell over the city and he finally took her home, she was done waiting. Sofia was a city with many small and dark alleys and on their way back to his apartment they past a lot of them._

_“How much further?”_

_She could hear the inpatients in her own voice and Norman stopped and looked down on her with a crocked smile._

_“Why? You tired?”_

_“No…”_

_“Well, maybe 15 minutes or so.”_

_She cursed quietly under her breath and he chuckled in confusion at her words. She looked around and found the prefect hiding place down an alley to her left. It was completely deserted of both people and windows and door and pitch dark. She took him by the hand and pulled him with her._

_“What’re you doing?”_

_“What does it look like? I don’t want to wait another 15 fucking minutes.”_

_They stumbled a little through the darkness but as they were finally completely surrendered by it, Jessie stopped and shoved him against her own body. They had gotten to know each other so well by now that it didn’t matter that they had no light whatsoever to guide them. They found each other at once and as his lips met hers, she felt herself relax and melt into his every touch. She couldn’t get him close enough, fast enough and it seemed this need for extreme closeness surprised Norman. It surprised her too but she didn’t linger on the feeling, she was had to have him closer._

_He grabbed her by the waist and pushed her up against a wall and let his hand slide under her shirt. His touch set her skin on fire and she moaned into his mouth. As her eyes got used to the darkness she found him looking back at her and his eyes twinkled with lust as he pulled away from her lips. His hand closed around her throat, not hard at all but it was his way of forcing her to focus on him._

_“What do you want, J?”_

_She tried to slow her panting but she was so damn horny, she knew he wouldn’t even have to touch her once before exploding._

_“I want to suck your cock.”_

_She said and he smiled and nodded at her._

_“Good answer, bitch.”_

_He loosened his grip around her throat and placed his hand on her head instead and pushed her down at the same time as he used his other hand to open his jeans. As she crunched down with her back pressed against the cold wall behind her, she came face to face with his impressive length. Seeing him stroke himself slowly right in front of her and feeling him watch her, made her whine. Norman sniggered and he stroke her hair before he spoke._

_“You really have missed me, haven’t you, bitch?”_

_“Yes.”_

_She breathed out the answer and glanced up at him, licking her lips._

_“Go ahead then. Wrap those gorgeous lips around my dick.”_

_At his approval she leaned forward, carefully wrapped one hand around the base of his manhood and closed her lips around the head. She heard him curse and without seeing it, she knew he threw his head back and shut his eyes hard when she swallowed him deep and hard. She moaned when she felt him entwine his finger in her hair. She knew what he was about to do and brazed herself with both hands against his thighs just in time for him to grab her hair hard and thrust his hips forward. She gagged when he hit the back of her throat but eagerly opened her mouth wider and allowed him to keep fucking her._

_“God damnit, girl you drive me insane!”_

_He hissed suddenly and reached down and lifted her to her feet by grabbing her under the armpits. She gasped and tried to draw a breath but Norman didn’t give her a chance. He pushed her hard against the wall and attacked her mouth with his and shoved her legs apart with one of his own. Jessie drew a much welcomed deep breath when he finally moved his lips to her throat instead and she clung to his back hard. She had to remind herself that they were out in public and stop the scream that wanted to escape her as his hands started to tug at her chinos. With quick fingers he got them open and pushed them down, pulling her underwear down as well. She jerked a little as her ass came in contact with the cold wall but he grabbed her in both hands and squeezed hard, making her gasp._

_“I love you, your crazy ass bitch. I love you so much, Jessie.”_

_He spoked against her lips and his nicotine breath was so intoxicating at that moment that she lost control for the first time with him. But the replay where she told him she loved him too stayed in her brain and instead she latched herself to his lips all over again. When she felt him grab her ass a little tighter, she tightened her arms around him and he slipped inside her with ease. She stopped breathing when she felt his cock stretch her wide open. He smiled against her lips and grabbed her jaw gently._

_“Breath, love.”_

_She tried to focus but she was breathless for so many reasons at the moment. The thought that she loved him had never penetrated her mind until now. When he started to move inside her and she felt their two bodies connect into one and he looked straight into her eyes, she came hard. He clamped his hand over her mouth and stopped the scream that she wanted to let out._

_“Keep it down, baby.”_

_He giggled at her and she wanted to smack him around the head. Instead she threw his hand away and wrapped her legs around his waist. He repositioned himself and used the wall for support when he started to move all over again. She leaned in and bit his lower lip hard as her orgasm kept pulsing through her body for each thrust inside. He growled and lost a little bit of control too. He sped up and pushed her harder against the wall. They started to move together and soon it was a struggle for both of them to keep quiet._

_She buried her head in his shoulder when he cost her to climax yet again. Her legs shook as he dropped her to the ground and in one swift motion, turned her around and made her bend forward with her hands pressed against the wall. She bit down on her own knuckles as he slammed back inside her and grabbed the back of her head hard._

_When he finally realized himself inside her and she followed, she could feel their combined fluids trickle down her shaking legs. She rested her forehead against the cool surface and welcomed the chill it sent through her entire body. She felt his caressing hand between her shoulder blades and leaned in to kiss her exposed neck._

_“I love you, Miss Hamilton.”_

_He whispered close to her ear before stepping away from her, giving her space to pull herself together. She took a few deep breaths before pushing herself up to an upright position. She heard him zip up his jeans behind her but wasn’t all prepared when he suddenly moved in close behind her. He grabbed her boobs in one big hand and smacked her ass hard with the other. She let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a whimper._

_“Take me home before we’ve to start this all over again.”_

_She asked, slightly out of breath. He grabbed her and forced her head around so that he could kiss her. She spun around in his arms but got caught in the pants around her ankles and fell against him. He caught her and in between kisses they shared a few giggles while Jessie somehow managed to hitch her pants back on._

_\---------------------------_

_She rolled over to her stomach and heaved herself up on her elbows and looked at him. He was still asleep and the sun was shining in through the window and made his hair glitter. His mouth was slightly open and one hand was rested palm up beside his head. Inside her head she said the words that she still hadn’t been able to speak out loud to him. It was like the words got stock on her tongue everytime she had tried to say them. The phrase ‘I love you’ was one she hadn’t said to anyone since her family were whipped clean for the face of the earth. It still made her a bit panicky but knowing that he loved her back made it a little easier. The fact that they had had three absolute wonderful weeks together in the beautiful capital had had her convinced that maybe it would be alright to tell him the truth._

_“Could we climb the mountain today?”_

_Through the window of his apartment she could make out the top of Vitosha mountain very far away in the horizon. She knew him well enough to know when he was awake but not wanting to actually wake up. He groaned next to her and rolled over to his side and threw one arm over her back._

_“You need to feed me first, woman.”_

_“Seriously? You want to climb the mountain?”_

_He opened his eyes when she turned around and looked at him. He leaned in and kissed her shoulder._

_“Sure. Let’s climb to the top of the world… Well, at least to the top of Bulgaria. Seriously.”_

_“Awesome!”_

_She was half way up from the bed when his hand closed around her wrist and he pulled her back down._

_“Hold on.”_

_“What?”_

_She asked when half her body was outside the bed and her head landed in the line of his chest._

_“Good morning.”_

_He said and leaned in and kissed her until they were both out of breath._

_“Good morning, lover.”_

_She replayed and bounced back up on her feet again. He groaned once more and laid back down. After opening the fridge and find it pretty much empty she called out to him that she would’ve had to head out to buy some breakfast. Just as she put on her shoes he showed up in the doorway, his hair a total mess and completely nude._

_“Or you could join me for a shower and then we can grab some breakfast on the way to climb the top of the world.”_

_She looked at him over her shoulder, still bent over to tie her shoe. She bit her lip when she saw his dick twitch by the sight of her. Deliberate she spread her legs a little and placed her palms flat to the floor and moved her hips a little in his direction._

_“We’re never going to make it the top of the that fucking mountain.”_

_He said and took a few quick steps towards her. He placed one hand on the small of her back and pushed her down on all fours._

_“Oh, I don’t know. I’m sure we can be quick.”_

_“I don’t wanna be quick.”_

_He said as he got to his knees behind her, tugged her sweats away from her body and leaned in to kiss her naked ass. She gasped out loud when he spread her cheeks and let his tongue explore her pussy from behind._

_“Oh god, please don’t be quick.”_

_She begged when she was no longer able to support herself but fell down on her forearms and allowing her head to rest between them. He did as he was told and really took his time to make sure she exploded both once and twice to his touch before moving in behind her and pushed himself inside her. This time he made things quick though and they sat a hard and quick pace that made them both cross the line within minutes of fucking on the hallway floor._

_“Well, now I really do need a shower. You got me all messy.”_

_Jessie rolled over to her back and looked back up at Norman who was still kneeling between her legs. He smirked and replayed._

_“I think it’s mostly your own, babe.”_

_“Well, you’re so fuckin-“_

_She caught off and yelled out in shock when his finger entered her and he started to search for yet another climax from her although the last one was still pulsing through her._

_“Holly fuck!”_

_She tried to close her legs at first but he firmly pushed them apart again and move three fingers inside her and used his other hand to rub her clit. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she tried to find her breathing all that came out were shallow panting. Her legs started to shake and her back arched off of the floor as the intensity of her orgasm cost her to squirt for the first time in her life. Her entire body started to spasm and she just yelled out her lover’s name at the top of her lungs._

_“Holly shit…”_

_It might have been minutes, she wasn’t sure, but she finally found her own voice and was able to speak again. She had never felt this relaxed and high at the same time before and she stated to laugh and desperately search for the person responsible. She fumbled for a while but finally found an arm and she yanked him forward. He landed on top of her and she quickly grabbed his face in both hands. Still laughing lightly, she kissed him all over the face._

_“I love you, Norman.”_

_His body froze on top of her and he might even have stopped breathing as she spoke the words she had wanted to stay for weeks now. The wall had finally vanished and she chuckled to herself when she realized he had literally fucked his way inside her stubborn head. Telling him that now didn’t seem such a good idea though, he would probably misunderstand her and just think she was playing him. But this was dead serious. She was sure that she actually loved him, that he meant everything to her. She knew it wasn’t going to last but she still loved him and he loved her and for the moment they were making it work._

_“What?”_

_He finally asked._

_“I love you… Come on, don’t make me regret finally saying it. Don’t start crying on me.”_

_“I wasn’t…”_

_He said and swallowed back the sobs that treated to leave him. His eyes were glazy and as he blinked rapidly a tear escaped but he quickly wiped it away and leaned in to kiss her._

_“Say it again. I need to hear you say it again.”_

_He asked as he pulled away. She took his face in his hands once more and made sure he really saw her._

_“I love you, Norman Reedus.”_

_“About damn time, girl!”_

_He replayed, making both of them break down in hysterical giggles as they started to roll around the floor, kissing madly as they did._

“So you’re saying I fuc-“

Norman caught himself off when he realized what he was about to say and quickly covered the already sleeping ears of his daughter before resuming again.

“You’re saying it was the sex that made you love me?”

He tried to sound upset but Jessie just sniggered at him and leaned her head to his shoulder for a second. Maria however stopped in her tracks in front of them and turned around and looked at both of them.

“Was the sex a big part of your life before this too? I mean with Josh, was it a big part of your relationship?”

She looked at the shrink for a moment and started walking again, tugging Norman’s hand as she did. Maria fell into step right beside her and looked right back. She had a very bad habit of doing this when she wanted to make sure Jessie took her time to think about the answer. And the bad thing was that it actually worked. Her spontaneous answer had been to shout a ‘no’ at once but then she stopped and let the question roll around in her head for a second longer and a different answer came to her.

“With Josh it never got to be as intense as it has been now but I guess that was because I got pregnant so fast. But before that happened the sex was a big part of our relationship, yes. But it was different.”

“How?”

“Because he was my first, I guess. My first true love and it wasn’t just about having sex, there was so much other stuff.”

“By stuff you mean feelings.”

Norman spoke next to her and Jessie turned her head and nodded at him.

“Yeah.”

“And after? There were never any feelings?”

“No. Not anything close to that for a very long time. It was just a way for me to try to find something that could… Fill the empty spaces I guess. Sex was the easiest way and it couldn’t really kill me. You know, I could just have turned to drugs to kill the numbness but sex was easier.”

“Did it ever kill the numbness?”

“No.”

“So why continue?”

“I guess it turned into an addiction.”

“I know you had the sex in common when you first met and not much else but did that change when she finally told you, she love you?”

The question was directed at Norman and he seemed taken aback at first but composed himself rather quickly.

“No.”

His answer made Jessie stop once more and Maria halted too, a step in front of them. She looked at him and frowned a little, not really sure what he was going to say. They hadn’t talked about this before. Not like this.

“When would you say it changed, Norman? When did she allow herself to really feel the first time? When did the sex go from just sex to making love or whatever you want to call it?”

“April 2010, when we were in Florida.”

His answer was unexpected and Jessie could tell it surprised the doctor as well and cost her to started walking in silence. After just a few feet she stopped and turned back to the couple.

“So you’re saying the first time you made love to each other were when you were on your first family vacation together? Just the two of you and Mingus?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm… Interesting.”

The small smile she wore when she looked at Jessie made her want to smack her around the head a little. Instead she protested verbally and wanted to know what was so interesting about that because she sure as hell couldn’t figure it out.

“He makes you feel complete. It’s not just Norman that you’ve needed through the years, it’s Mingus too. Whenever he has been around he has closed the circle for you and things have changed for the better. Every time. Right? Think about it, Jessie. He has pushed you to do things you probably wouldn’t do if he hadn’t been around.”

“Of course he has, he’s Normans son.”

“No, Jessie it’s not obvious. It’s just as common for people who has lost a child to reject all the other kids that gets close to them. It’s not easy to accept a child into your life after what happened to you but-“

“But I had to! Of course I had to accept Mingus if I would ever be able to see Norman again.”

“Not if all you wanted was to have sex with him, you didn’t.”

“What’re you trying to fucking say here, doc?”

Norman expressed the same kind of confusion as Jessie felt.

“That Jessie was able to develop deep emotional feelings for you pretty much from the first time you got together.”

“So why the hell did it take her 2,5 years to admit it and 10 fucking years to actually change her behavior? I knew she had deeper feeling for me than she was willing to admit but-“

“Which was why you stuck around.”

“Of course!”

“And it was why she stuck around too?”

“She didn’t stick around! She always left!”

“But she always came back, right…? Look, I know it was hell but what I’m trying to say is that… 3 years before you met for the first time, she was as far gone as a person can be and still be alive. She was ready to end it all and then you cane around. I know it won’t seem that way to you right now with everything that has happened through the years but you’ve to know the impact you’ve had on her since day one. When Mingus got into the picture it got easier, didn’t it?”

Norman hesitated but finally answered slowly.

“Yes… She would still leave but it wasn’t for as long as it was before. Expect some… Special times.”

“Yes of course but she always came back and for each time she came back she stayed longer and longer, am I right?”

She tried to remember more than 10 years of break-ups and reunions but it just made her confused when all the times blurred together. She couldn’t place anything in the right order at the moment but beside her Norman suddenly nodded.

“She did. You actually did. I never thought about it but I think you did…. So you’re saying, she was pacing herself? Ease her way back into it again?”

“Something like that. I get it if it’s not much of a comfort for you now, Norman but I’m pretty sure this couldn’t have happened any other way. Or with anyone else. It takes a pretty extraordinary person to be able to stick around for as long as you’ve and still want to fight for her.”

“He’s pretty fucking extraordinary… All this revelation because you fucked your way through my stubborn brain.”

Norman laughed, threw his arm around her shoulder and leaned in to kiss her head when she spoke.

“It’s amazing what you can resolve just by talking, huh?”


	14. Idiot

She wanted to turn him inside out and burn his guts right in front of his eyes. The incredible rage that rushed through her when he just stood by her side and did nothing made her want to burnt the whole world to the ground.

For the second morning in a row, Norman woke up by a different kind of scream from his panicked wife. At the first sound and movement, he became wide awake and turned on the lamp on the bedside table. He found Jessie in a wild struggle with someone that wasn’t there and she screamed in fury. He tried to wrap his arm around her but she scratched him so hard on the neck that she saw her fingernails getting bloody. He tuned out the pain like so many times before and somehow managed to climb on top of her and by using his entire body weight, he forced her to stop moving.

“It’s not real! Jessie, baby it’s not real. I’m right here.”

“NO!”

Her eyes snapped open as she bellowed the word at him. Her eyes were black and so full of hatred, it made him recall.

“You’re not here! You’re never there when it matters! When I need your help to save them! You’re not here!”    

Her only option left, as every limb was luck under his weight, to inflict further insult on him was to spit at him or bite him. She cursed at him and kept yelling the same things over and over and finally spat him right in the face. And at that point he had had enough. He could still hear her yell when he simply got up from the bed and left the bedroom, slamming the door closed behind him.

He knew he would be back to do the same damn thing the next morning but she was pushing him closer to breaking point for each day that passed. He had been stupid enough to believe it was getting better after he had made her sleep for a whole night in the studio. 3 nights she had slept almost peacefully for at least 7 hours and they had all gotten their hopes up. Then Melodi had gotten sick. Just a fewer for a day and a half but it had cost things to head south all over again. She had stayed awake and by their daughter’s side the entire time and it felt like they were back at square one again.

Maria assured him that that wasn’t the case but he wasn’t sure how much more he was going to be able to take. He had promised her that they would get through this and that he would help her no matter what. But as he was pacing the porch back and forth in the early Georgia morning, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back inside ever again. He wiped his face with both hands and leaned over the reeling and looked out over the backyard. His face lingered on the swing set he had had installed shortly after they had found out Jessie was pregnant. At the moment through, he just wanted to burn it all down.

“I want you out of the house.”

He heard her furious step halter behind him when he spoke without turning to look at her. He said the words as calmly and clearly as he possible could but he had to hold on to the reeling so hard his knuckles turned white, to make them stop shaking.

“I want you to take that fucking doctor with you and leave this house and go somewhere else to fix this, Jessie. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve to take care of Melodi.”

He moved out of the way just in time and the porcelain statue that had decorated the porch hit the reeling instead of him and shattered. He spun around with his hands above his head and felt his own furry build up in lightning speed as he saw her.      

“You can’t do that!”

“You’re not giving me much choice here, J!”

“You said we could-“

“I can’t do this anymore! I’m done, Jessie! So fucking done! I’ve tried everything I know, Maria has done everything she can but you... Maybe this is just the way you are. Maybe this is who you really are, who you’ve always been. Fucked up!”

“You can’t give up!”

“You have! You fucking have, Jessie! So why the fuck should I try to fix this?! You don’t seem to want to fix this! Your way of fixing things has giving me more fucking cuts and bruises in 2 weeks, then 7 fucking years on Walking Dead! What if it’s someone else the next time?! What if it’s Mingus?!”

“I would never-“

“I don’t know that, Jessie! I don’t know you anymore! This isn’t the woman I fell in love with. She’s not here anymore and I have to protect my kids. No matter what. So get out of the fucking house, Jessie! I can’t have you around like this! I can’t have you around my children!”

“She’s mien too.”

“No, not like this. You never wanted her in the first place, remember? You never wanted another child.”

Tears started to stream down his face but he couldn’t stop yelling at her. And she just stood there and took it all without arguing back.

“You’ve always been my number one priority but I can’t do that anymore. Melodi needs me right now, I’ve to take care of her and right now, the way things are, the way you are, the best thing for her is that you leave.”

“What happened to working this out as a family?”

Her voice trembled when she spoke so low he wasn’t sure he heard her right. He swallowed hard upon hearing ‘family’ and tried not to break down. He stepped up to her and they wrapped their arms around each other at the same time.

“If we’re going to be a family again you’ve to fix this, Jessie and I can’t help you anymore. I don’t know how. I can’t do this anymore.”

He felt her push at his chest and she pulled away without looking at him. He saw her nod, probably to herself and her lips moved to form some words he didn’t hear at all. She turned on her heel and walked back inside, closing the door behind her. And everything was quiet again. He could relate to what Maria had said a lifetime ago, that the numbness was more dangerous than anything else. He didn’t feel anything as he stood there and watched the sunrise. She had always made him feel the worst and best kind of feelings, usually all at once. But now he was just empty, emotional drained. He kept going through the past 2 weeks in his head over and over, searching for something he could’ve done different. He came up empty. When memories from their 10+ years history started to fill his mind, he started to move again. The flood of images made him start pacing the wooden floor.

He was probably on his second mile when a movement made him look up. Mingus came through the door and he halted in his pacing. The teenager walked straight up to him and before he could grasp what happened, Mingus hit him across the jaw. A taste of blood filled his mouth as his head was thrown backwards by the hard impact. He bent over and put both hands on his knees and spat blood unto the floor.

“What the hell was that for?”

“Jessie left!”

“I ask-“

“I fucking heard you! You woke us both up with your fucking yelling. I heard every word, dad!”

He took a deep breath before pushing himself back up, carefully massaging his hurting jaw, and came face to face with his furious son.

“Then you know why-“

“You can’t give up on her!”

“She doesn’t care anymore, Mingus. She has giving up so why should I still try?”

“She needs you!”

“Yeah, as a fucking punching bag…”

“So you just stop loving her? Just like that?”

“Of course not. But I’ve to think about you guys. You and Melodi.” 

“Melodi needs her mom.”

“Not like this, Mingus.”

He walked past him and back into the house. Mingus followed closely, apparently not at all ready to drop this argument yet.

“She needs her family right now. You said we’d get through this a family!”

“She doesn’t care anymore, Mingus.”

Norman opened the freezer, cursed to himself when he couldn’t find any ice packs. He grabbed a bag of frozen peas, wrapped it in a towel and held it against his swollen jaw.

“So you just give up on her?! Throw her out?!”

“She’s not going anywhere, Mingus.”

“She already fucking left, dad!”

At these words, he finally looked straight at his son and he felt his heart begin to beat in panic inside his chest. He hadn’t actually thought she’d leave when he told her to. He had told her to leave so many times and she had ignored him just as many times. But Mingus was serious when he spoke.

“What?”

“She has left, dad! She was packing her bag when I got down here and I asked what she was doing and she said she was leaving. Next thing, Dr. Jason was outside and Jessie just left with her. She didn’t even say goodbye to Melodi, she just fucking left.”

He dropped the bag to the floor as he spun around and sprinted to their bedroom. He called out her name over and over as he ran through every room in the house, searching for her. His panic made him ignore Mingus. He didn’t want to believe he was right. He had told her to leave, that he was done but he had never thought she’d listen to him. She never had before.

His tunnel vision got shattered when he opened the door to Mingus room and the soft cries of his daughter broke through to him. When he walked up to her crib, she was lying wide awake and upon seeing him, she started to laugh and wave her little arms at him, demanding to be picked up. And he reached down and scooped her into his arms and hugged her hard and kissed the little head.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

He started to cry when he held the baby girl in his arms and he realized what it all meant. At the moment he was a single parent to an infant and he had no idea what to do or how to fix things again. His tears and trembles made him sink to the floor and he leaned against the side of the crib for support when it felt like he wouldn’t be able to hold himself up anymore. He kept talking to his daughter, ensuring her and himself that they would work this out somehow. He wasn’t sure when or how it was going to happen but they would be a family again.

“Dad….? I found this on your bed.”

Mingus carefully walked into the room and when making sure he got his father attention, he sank down beside him and handed in a piece of paper.

_I’ll fix this, I promise and we’ll be a family again. I love you all._

“And she left this.”

Norman placed Melodi in his lap and held out his hand when Mingus held out something small to him. He dropped Jessie’s wedding ring in his palm and a fresh set of tears started to stream down his face by the sight of it.

“Fuck… What the fuck have I done?”

“She’ll fix this, dad. Jessie will fix this, I know she will.”

“I didn’t mean…I didn’t think-“

“No, dad you’re right. You did the right thing…Sorry I hit you.”

“What if she doesn’t come back?”

“She always comes back, dad. Always. She will be back this time too. When she’s ready, she’ll be back.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah. And I know you do too.”

He closed his fingers around the ring and held it tight.

“I just never thought it’d go this far.”

“Maybe this is what she needs. I mean she has always changed when you had finally had enough, right? When you were done waiting, she stopped struggling, right?”

“Yeah… I love you, Mingus.”

“I love you too, dad.”

“We’ll get through this, I promise. We’ll be a family again.”

The girl looked at both of them when they looked at her and it seemed she understood everything that was going on. At her father’s words, the girl let out a low cry, as though she agreed.

                                            -----------------------------

He noticed what day of the week it was when he sat down, for the first time it felt like that day and turned on the TV. He had just put Melodi to sleep and they had both survived their first day alone together. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the sofa but opened them just as fast when he heard a familiar voice from the TV. Was it really march 26th already? The intro to Walking Dead started and he sat up a little straighter.

“I wasn’t sure you wanted to watch it.”

Mingus came out of nowhere and quietly sat down in the other end of the sofa.

“I didn’t know it was on today. I haven’t really kept track of the days.”

“Yeah… It’s Sunday today.”

“I noticed.”

He nodded towards the TV screen where the beginning to his end was just getting started. It seemed like 2 lifetimes ago since he shot that episode. Jessie had been there, pretty much every minute of every day to support him and help him get through it.

“Jessie attacked me as a walker when we shot this.”

“I remember.”

They fell silent after that and watched the episode without further comments. He didn’t have the energy to discuss the episode once it was done, like they usually did. But Mingus seemed to be on the same page as his father and the simply turned to each other when the credits rolled and Norman turned off the TV.

“I was thinking… I probably should go back to New York. I’ve to go back to school and I-I guess Jessie went back there too?”

“I don’t know. Probably. She might have gone to Texas too.”

“Texas?”

“Yeah. Sean invited her to stay with him. You know, a while ago when we… After the episode air, she thought it’d be a good idea to stay under the radar.”

“I think she’s in New York.”

“Yeah… Yeah, but of course you’ve to leave, I get that. It’s good. You need to make sure you finish school. I’ll be fine.”

“You could come with me. Stay with mom and me for a while-“

“No…. Thanks, but I’m ok. I need to work this out on my own. I’ve to be able to take care of her on my own. For me, you know and… And for Jess. And I can’t be in New York right now with everything that’s going on.” 

“Ok.”

“I’ll drive you to the airport tomorrow morning. Sounds good?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be back as soon as I can, ok? It’s just a lot of test that’s coming up this week and I’ve-“

“Mingus, I’ll be ok. You’re the kid, remember? It’s supposed to be other way around, that I worry about you.”

“At the moment it goes both ways… I’m gonna go to bed. You sure you don’t want me to take her?”

“Yeah, if I’m going to be able to sleep at all tonight, I need her close.”

“Fair enough… See you tomorrow then. I love you, dad.”

“I love you more, Mingus.”

He got up and hugged his son tightly. Trying to apologize, telling him everything was going to be alright, that he loved him, that he was forever thankful for him, proud of him, all at once. Mingus hugged him just as tightly back and Norman forced his tears back. He would break down and cry but not in front of his son again. The tears and a complete breakdown came when he finally got into bed and someone was missing. Melodi couldn’t fill the empty space Jessie’s absent left behind. His daughter slept peacefully in her little nest on her mother’s side of the bed and although he cried so much for so long, he had to turn his pillows around, he was able to feel some gratitude about the fact that the girl wasn’t aware of what was going on. She had so many people around her that loved her and spoiled her with so much love. But she needed her mother.

Hell, he needed her mother. He needed the old Jessie back. The person she had been when she first told him, she loved him. The person she was when she told Mingus she loved him the first time. The person she was when they found out she was pregnant. The person who cried on their wedding. The person who could dance to her feet bleed and still have a huge smile on her face. He even wished for the bitch to be back. The person he wanted to murder because she was so fucking stubborn and out of control. He probably wanted that back more than anything. Her fighting spirit and absolute independence was the first thing that he had seen change and it had always been what made her, her.

He fell asleep to the sound of his sobs that night and the worst thing was that he was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be the last.

                                            ------------------------------------------

Jessie screamed until there was no more air left in her lungs to make the sound with. She clutched the pillow next to her in her arms and pressed it hard against her own body and tried to stop it from shaking. She was drenched in her own sweat and the shirt she was wearing stuck to her skin.

She rolled over and pulled her legs up to her chest and closed her eyes. She tried to force the image of Norman yelling at her out of her mind and find another memory of him instead. She lingered on the time she had surprised him on his birthday by showing up at midnight at his apartment with a cupcake. Seeing his childlike face when he got to blow out the candle made her smile and her heartbeat slowed a fraction.

She woke up by her ringing phone but before she could grasp what it was that made the sound, it stopped ringing. She had only 7 contacts on this phone and everything else got blocked. This time it was the first one in her phonebook; Andy, who called. As she saw his name on the display, she received a text from the same person.

_Whenever you feel like it, just get in touch, please_

She read the text twice before rolling over to her back and pressed replay. She got stuck though about what to write and her eyes left the phone. She lingered on the big window overlooking the backyard. She walked over and crawled on to the window sill. She pushed open the door just a little bit and let the fresh spring air of the country side fill the room. The trees were starting to bloom just a little bit.

The phone vibrated in her hand again and she caught herself smiling at the impatience of the Englishman.

_I just want to make sure you’re ok. I love you_

She sighed but decided to finish the replay she had already begun.

_I’m alive, Andy. I’m not gonna lie, it’s been hell. It is hell but I’m ok. It’s been 4 days since I left Georgia and although I know it had to be done, I still want to go back every single minute of the day_

_Have you talked to Norman?_

_No…_

_Why not?_

_He doesn’t want to talk right now. Can’t say that I blame him_

_He loves you J_

_No, not the person I’m right now. He was right, I’m nowhere near the person he once fell in love with_

_You will find your way back Jessie, I know you will_

_I’m trying_

_I know you are… So he doesn’t even know where you’re?_

_Yeah, of course. We text a little. Mostly about Melodi, I just need to know she’s ok_

_She’s tough_

_I know. You’ll keep an eye on him for me, right?_

_Of course, baby. I’m trying to get him to fly over and stay for a while_

_Good_

_Are you sleeping?_

_Getting there. It’s better at least. 6 hours tonight_

_Good_

_Thank you, Andy. For everything_

_I love you, remember?_

_I don’t know why right now but I’m really thankful you do. It helps…_

_That’s what matters… Take care of yourself, Jessie. You get stronger for each day that passes, I know it_

_I hope so_

_I’ll see you soon_

_Yeah… Say hi to the family from me_

_Sure thing, kid. Call, text, come visit, whatever you need, whenever you need it_

_Thank you_

She sent Andy the last text and put the phone away after that. She was under strike directions from Maria about using her phone for nothing else than texting and calling the 7 people in her phonebook. The shrink was one of them and the other were people she had expressed belonged to her family once the discussion came up. Andy, Maya, Norman, Mingus, Sean and Tim were the once she had named without as much as a second hesitation. Since leaving Georgia, she had texted all of them and Tim had even left the south with her and was occupying a guestroom on the ground floor.

She could hear him in the kitchen, playing his favorite rock music while making breakfast, something he had done every morning since they got back. He had taken upon himself to get her back into some kind of routine. She was going to be out of bed and dressed no later than 8.30 because that’s when he served breakfast. At 11 they usually spent at least an hour outside, running the hilly woods around the property. Lunch were at 1.30 and after that Jessie spent her afternoon with Maria for however long she needed that day. Depending on her level of energy after a session with the psychologist, she locked herself up in the studio and danced until Tim told her that dinner was ready. This routine had made her sleep a lot easier at night due to both physical and emotional exhausting. She could fall straight asleep, still have nightmares and wake up screaming, but she was able to put herself back to sleep.

When she glanced down on the phone again, she noticed that she only had 5 minutes to get ready. She took a final deep breath of the fresh air, let the window stay open and headed to the bathroom to get ready for another day in hell.

                                            ---------------------------------------

She set up her phone like all the other nights and started recording. She had done the same thing since she got back and had spent the three previous night’s dancing and talking to her parents, her sister and last night Josh and Jacob. After practicing and finishing 3 different songs she finally got closer to the phone and started talking.

“I wasn’t sure who to start with after going through all those who are not alive and part of my life anymore. But then I started to think back to the first time we met and I realized I met you first, Sean. Just in passing way back when filmed Boondock. I was not a big part of Norman’s life for several different reasons back than and I remember just seeing you from afar and he didn’t want to tell you about me. Probably because he knew I would try to get you in bed. But back in 2010 we got to meet for real for the first time and it was Norman’s idea. He talked me into flying over to L.A. with him and we stayed with you for a few days while you guys did promo for _Saints II._ And I realize something now when I think back to that time… It was the same time that I tried to put together my first book and I couldn’t get started at all. I was fucking stuck and I think that was why Norman asked me to go. He said I needed some new scenery and he was right. Those few days when we stayed with you started it all for me. And I think it was because of you… Well, maybe all of it really. I liked you from the start. I haven’t connected with many of Norm’s friends through the years but with you it was different.”

She paused for a minute, drank some water and wiped her sweaty face on a towel before turning her attention back to the recording.

“You were our first mutual friend, Sean. Now you’re just as much my brother as you’re Norman’s. And it has meant the world to me to have you in my life. To be able to include you in my new fucked up and dysfunctional family is a privilege. And I know I haven’t been that good at telling you or showing you that because of everything that has been going on through the years. All the fucking drama that I’ve put you through. All of you really but one of my fucking insane ideas almost lost me, literally, an arm and you and Norm to fight and that’s not even the worst thing that has happened… But with you it’s been fun. Really. For the most part of knowing you, it’s been an awesome ride. You always make me laugh and you know how to cheer me up when I need it or yell at me when I need that instead. And you helped me make my proposal to Norman one of the best days of my life. It takes someone quiet special to pull something like that off when I know you wanted to cut my head of a few times.  I’m really, really lucky to count you as my brother and I’m trying my best to make it up to you right now after- I-I…After putting you through more than enough fucked up shit again. I know I don’t deserve to have you in my life at the moment but for whatever reason, you’re still by my side and I need you to know that I love you, Sean, so much. And I’ll find a way out of this hell somehow and try to repair all the damage I’ve done. I want to do it for you and everyone else. I want to be able to run around your backyard again and beat your ass so fucking hard in another water gun fight.”       

She reached over and pushed stop only a moment before she could hear Tim’s approaching steps and his deep voice calling out for her that dinner was done and that she needed to come and eat. When she didn’t replay, he knocked once on the door and carefully pushed it open and poked his head inside.

“You’re done for tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you feeling?”

He wiped his hands on a clot as he took another step into the room. She got to her feet and put the phone in the pocket of her sweats.

“Hungry.”

“Good. I made enchiladas. And if you’re really hungry, there’s homemade ice cream for desert.”

“Wow… Where you a chef before deciding to risk your life for idiots like me?”

“Not risking my life that much lately, am I…? Now I just make sure one idiot doesn’t go and turn into an even bigger idiot.”

He winked at her and she gaped for half a second at him, before chuckling at his teasing. She followed him when he nodded his head out the door. As he turned his back at her she murmured a low ‘thank you’ that made him tens a little, letting her know he heard him. She sat down opposite a smiling man that night and it made her own mouth turn up on a responding grin. Today hadn’t actually turned out to be such a bad day after all. And she would try to make the day after just a little bit better as well.

**\----------------------------------**

March turned into April before Andy finally managed to convince Norman that Melodi would actually survive an eight-hour flight. He had Alanna on the phone after he had put Melodi to sleep and found himself with an empty suitcase lying open on the changing table.

“What the fuck do I need to bring? You gotta help me out here, Al.”

He was talking too fast and louder for each word he spoke.

“Ok, dude just take a breath, alright? I’ll help you but you gotta stop shouting at me, man.”

“Sorry… Ok, I’m breathing.”

“Good. First thing, it’s London you’re going to. Not the middle of fucking Siberia so don’t bring shit like 2000 diapers. You can get that when you arrive. And the same thing goes for clothes really but I’m guessing you’re not going to London to shop so just pack at least 2 outfits for each day you’re gone. How long are you staying?”

“I’m not sure yet. I haven’t decided. Maybe a week?” 

“Ok, so let’s go with like 12 outfits. Andy do own a washing machine so you can just reuse them. Are you bringing the stroller?”

“I’m not sure. Gale said she could get me one so I was thinking I’d just take the carrier.”

“Good. Just a suggestion though, if you take the carrier, use a backpack instead of the usual diaper bag. Won’t get in the way as much.”

“Right.”

While Alanna kept talking and instructing him, he started packing everything she suggested.

“Does she have something special that she needs when going to sleep? Like a blanket or teddy bear or something?”

“Well… No… Yeah, well, me I guess. And Snoopy.”

“So remember to pack him on the flight, not in the bag you check in. And formula for the take-off and landing, to help with the pressure. She has a passport, right?”

“Yeah, of course. We got her one when… Jessie was planning on flying to Texas with her.”

He still found it hard to say her name and he was sure Alanna had heard the hesitation just as clearly as he felt it.

“But no car seat?”

“No, I booked first class and Delta has this new fancy looking shit where you… It’s small booths or something, suits, whatever. Andy said he would arrange it once I got there.”

“You need this, Norman. To get away for a while and spend time with other people. Adults.”

“Mel-“

“No, listen to me right now, Norm. I know she comes first and that you needed this time to get use to… Jessie not being there... But you can’t isolate yourself from everyone else. You’re doing great, Norman. Really fucking awesome in carrying for Melodi all by yourself right now but it’s not going to be forever you know that. Jessie will be ok again.”

“I know but it helps to focus on Mel right now. I can’t think about when that might happen and when she might be back, cause it drives me insane.”

“Have you talked to her?”

“No. I can’t, we just text.”

“Why? Why can’t you talk to her?”

“Because I miss her too fucking much. I’m afraid that if I start talking to her, I’m not going to be able to hang up. I’m just gonna break down.”

He heard Alanna give up an exhausted sigh that she tried to hide but failed.

“Bring warmer cloths, like a onesie or something, U.K. can be pretty windy. Hats and mittens. If she has any special medications, you know for stomach pain or vitamins, make sure to bring that. And a toy or two if she has any favorites. She’ll be pretty entertained by Andy’s kids I’m sure so you really just have to bring one or two. Don’t complicate shit, all she really needs is you, food and some diapers and she’ll be fine.”

“I’m still really freaked out about flying with her.”

“Of course you are but you’ll be fine. You’re not going alone though, are you? I mean you’ll have security with you, right?”

“Yeah. Cookie’s coming with me.”

“Good.”

“How has it been? Since last week’s episode?”

“Insane. You haven’t read or watched anything?”

“No. Andy still has all my devices hidden away somewhere. All I’ve got is this phone and I’ve turned everything off that can be turned off on a damn iPhone.”

“It’s been chaos to be honest. Absolutely insane… Wipes! Baby wipes!”

“I’ve baby wipes… What do you mean insane? Are people mad?”

“Furious and devastated. I mean, truly fucking heartbroken. There really has been a riot, you should be proud.”

“It’s so weird not to… I just can’t take it in at the moment. Nothing registers, I’m just full of just… Surviving and keeping Melodi alive and at the same time, I-I-I… I can’t stop thinking about Jessie. Not for a second. I’m still so fucking pissed and hurt and… Yet, I wish that she was here right now. More than anything, I just want her to come home. It’s fucking insane that I can’t even let something as important at Daryl has been-I mean, I should be able… Right? I mean, I should feel something?”

“Nothing matters anymore if our loved once are hurting. And this goes so much beyond just some simple heartbreak or whatever. Jessie tried to kill herself, Norman. Shit like that puts everything else aside. Walking Dead means shit when something like this happens. She comes first. Your family comes first no matter what.”

“Yeah, I know it’s just… Weird that something that has been such a big-Fuck, I just… My mind is a fucking mess right now.”

“And that’s ok, man. I mean, come on, it’s been…”

“Shitty.”

“You’ll be ok, Norman.”

“Yeah.”

“And she will too. Jessie will be home soon.”  

“I hope so.”

“And, Norm…? Don’t forget to pack for yourself too.”

“Right.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“Alright. So make sure you get some sleep tonight, buddy. The last thing you need is to be extra low on energy cause you didn’t sleep.”

“Yeah, I’m just pack and go to bed.”

“Good. Call if you need anything. Day, night, whenever, whatever.”

“Thanks, Alanna. I really appreciate it… Have you talked to her?”

“No. She seems to be doing better though.”

He halted in his movement of closing the full suitcase when Alanna spoke. The question about how she could possible know that when not talking to her came out as a stutter.

“She… Well, she… Now, it’s not really the right time for you to know about this. I’ll talk to Andy ok? And you can do it together.”

“Do what together? What the hell, Alanna?”

“Just trust me, ok? It’s a good thing, I promise. But I just don’t think you should be alone when you find out about it. I’ll text Andy and you guys can… Just figure it out together.”

He hesitated and wanted nothing else but to protest and make her tell him what she was talking about. But he trusted Alanna. He nodded to himself before realizing she couldn’t see him.

“Fine…I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, sure. I love you.”

“Love you too. Take care and give your beautiful girl a kiss from me, ok?”

“You do that same. Be safe, Norman and I will see you soon.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

He hung up and finished closing the suitcase before grabbing it and placed it just outside the door. After making sure Melodi was still asleep in her usual spot in the big bed, he continued to the closet, closed the door behind him and started to pack his own suitcase. He kept his back determinately away from Jessie side of the closet but once he was done packing and he made to leave the room, he moved a little too fast and the suitcase made several of her tops and dresses fall of its hangers. He started to step over the fallen cloths but changed his mind. After putting the suitcase down on the floor, he crunched to pick them back up again. But once he held her cloths in his hands he couldn’t find the energy to get back up on his feet again.

He fell down on his ass and the tears started to fall once he pressed a shirt that had once been his own but it was only one of many that she had claimed as her own and it smelled just like her. And he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs because he missed her. Something as stupid as smelling her cloths made him start crying like a baby and he couldn’t stop it. Maybe he didn’t even want to stop it. Crying made things better. It meant he actually felt something. For days after Jessie left he had been filled up with nothing but numbness and it had been the worst couple of days of his life. Feeling nothing was so much worse than anything else.

He laid back down on the floor and hugged the cloths close to his body and breathed in her scent over and over again. His mind got flooded with so many memories of her that he felt slightly lightheaded. Happy memories. Memories of her laughing and smiling. Playing around with Mingus. Kicking his own ass in a videogame. Before he could stop the impulse, he picked up his phone and called her. She picked up on the 3rd signal and he didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was crying his eyes out.

“I love you, Jessie. I love you so much and I just need to say it and I need you to come home. Soon. I’m going fucking crazy here, cause I miss you so fucking much. And I… I just love you, baby. More than anything and I need you. We need you to be ok soon. Please, baby tell me you’re ok.”

“I’m ok, Norman. I love you too.”

He took a deep breath and tried to calm the worst of his sobs so that he could actually hear what she was saying. Without seeing her, he knew she was crying too.

“I’m lying on the floor in the closet.”

“What are you doing there?”

“Packing. I’m going to-“

“I know. Andy texted me. But what are you doing on the floor?”

“Falling the fuck apart cause your cloths fell down on the floor and I can’t bring myself to get up again.”

“Well, I sleep in your cloths if that makes you feel better. Shirt, boxers, hoodie, sweats, the whole fucking thing.”

The laughter came so unexpected and out of the blue that he wondered for a second who the hell it was that was laughing. Then he realized it was himself and he wiped the tears on his face with the back of his hand.

“This so fucked up…. So beyond fucked up I don’t even know what to call it anymore. You must sweat your ass off.”

“I sleep with the windows open.”

“You’re sleeping?”

“Yeah. It’s nowhere near the same but it helps to smell you close by at least… How’s our daughter?”

“She’s ok. She gets very fussy at night though, misses you.”

“I’ll be home soon, I promise.”

“When?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to… I need to be more than ok before I come home again. There’s still a lot of shit to fix and I… I love you so much and I’m sor-“

“No, don’t say you’re sorry. You don’t have to say you’re sorry. Just tell me you’ll be ok and that you’d come home soon.”

“I’ll be home soon, Norman.”

He closed his eyes at these words and by doing so, he could make her out perfectly as she lay in bed, dressed in his cloths and cried just like he did. He fell asleep on the closet floor that night, listing to Jessie breath deep on the other line.


	15. United Kingdom

“Ready to go?”

Stacy turned to the backset and found Norman just sitting there, staring out the window at the entrance to Atlanta airport. He had to call out for a second time to make the man snap out of it but he still looked 10 000 miles away. Like he had for the past weeks.

“I’ll get the bags, you take her.”

He nodded his head towards the car seat next to Norman. Once he laid his eyes on his daughter, he got back to the presence and he nodded to let him know he had understood the instruction.

He forced himself to refocused and channeled all his energy towards his daughter. She had stayed awake the entire ride and was looking up at him with her big, green eyes.

“Ok, are you ready to do this, sweetheart?”

She waved her arms at him and gave up a happy shrike that made his entire face smile.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Somewhat awkwardly and slightly more complicated than usually, he managed to get the carrier on inside the car and also got the passenger into it as well. Although Melodi protested a little as the cramped space didn’t give her the room she was used to.  Quickly he left the car and adjusted the child and she quickly quiet down and lifted her head as much as she possible could so that she could watch him. He leaned down and kiss her hair as he saw Stacy come up behind him with their luggage. At the same time a young male with an official Delta uniform approached but Norman never had to say anything to the man. Stacy took control and he was thankful he didn’t have to get involved. He just wanted to make it through security and head to the flight without drawing to much attention. He waited on the pavement for maybe 2 minutes while Stacy sorted out the practical aspect of the luggage and checking in. Finally, the man placed his palm on his shoulder and gave him his backpack.

“All set, let’s go.”

A part of his mind told him to turn the hell around and get back into the car. He wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t ready for this. But he pushed that small part aside quickly and started walking. The airport was so familiar to him that he really didn’t had to think about where he was going, his feet knew the way. The airport was slowly starting to wake up and it wasn’t overcrowded with travelers this early morning. The line to security check point however was longer than he would’ve liked. As his stress levels increasing it also infected the baby on his chest. She started to fuss at once and he had to force himself to breath calmly.

“It’s ok, baby. I’m right here. You’re ok, I’m ok. We can do this.”

He bent close to her and talked quietly to her. She gave up a happy cooing as his long hair tickled her face and when he moved his head even more, she started to laugh. Really loud and long for the first time ever and it was so contagious he started to laugh too and even Stacy snigger somewhere close by.

Standing in line and wait was a piece of cake after that. He amused himself and her by doing the same thing over and over again.

“It’s good too see you again, Mr. Reedus.”

He came face to face with a familiar black man as he finally was first in line and handed over his boarding cards and passports. He had spent so much time on this airport, the staff knew him pretty well. Not just because of the show but mostly because he was always there. He wasn’t sure what to answer the man though but he didn’t have to.

“She’s beautiful. Congratulations. Have a safe trip, Mr. Reedus.”

“Thank you.”

He stepped forwards and continued to second security check and he removed Melodi from the carrier with a well-practiced hand. He even waved away Stacy when he offered to help but he simply let Melodi rest, belly down, on his forearm and managed everything else with the other hand. It was pretty insane how fast he had gotten use to doing this all on his own. On his best day he was sometimes hopeless with 2 hands, now he managed everything with just one. And he had to give Melodi some credit too, because she was extremely patient for an infant.

As he collected his bag on the other side, he saw that people around him started to take notice and recognize him. It felt weird that the natural instinct of always replaying with a polite smile to the once that approaches, seemed to be long gone. He just wanted to be left alone. Not so much for his sake but for her sake. He trusted a handful of people to be within 10 feet of her and strangers on the airport wasn’t included. Still, he felt pretty bad when a middle-age woman with her daughter tried to catch his eye but he did his best to ignore it. The woman had just started to form his name when Stacy came to the rescue and gently, but firmly, grabbed him by the shoulder and made him start walking.

“Thanks…”

“No problem. The Delta lounge?”

“Yeah… Could you…?”

He stopped when he felt the backpack slide off his shoulder and he really didn’t want to let go of his daughter at the moment. Wordlessly the man took the carrier out of his hand before drabbing the backpack and folded it into the space that was still left. He intended to take it back but Stacy ignored his outstretched hand and started walking.

“You keep that little one close.”

He said and nodded his head to make him start moving. He adjusted Melodi a little on his arm where she seemed extremely pleased to be at the moment and just laid there, talking to and eating her own hands.

Thankfully the lounge wasn’t far at all from security check point and they made it there without running into any kind of trouble at all. Once inside the doors of the Delta lounge, he noticed how tense he had been and the feeling of relief was a little unexpected. The man behind him must have been a lot more worried than he let on too, because Norman heard him take a deep breath of relief once they were away from the big crowed.

He stirred his feet towards the completely empty balcony. Not that it was that crowded on the first level but he wanted to be alone and made it up the stairs before anyone could approach and offer all kinds of things he really didn’t need.

“Breakfast?”

Stacy asked as he was halfway up the stairs and Norman stopped and looked back at the man. At the mention of food, he realized he was actually hungry. Melodi was the only one who had gotten any breakfast before leaving.   

“Yeah, I could need some breakfast.”

He took the backpack from the mans outstretched hand before continuing up the stairs. He dumped the bag in one out of four armchairs surrounding a small square table and walked up to the big windows overlooking the tarmac. The sun was starting to rise in the horizon and it was going to be yet another beautiful day in the state of Georgia. He was ready to get out of here though. Or maybe he was just ready to get back together with Andy again. He needed something to take this mind off of Jessie. Melodi wasn’t helping at all because as soon as he looked at her, he saw her mother. She was a perfect replica of Jessie as a baby and those intense eyes made him drown everytime.

“Hey, look what I found.”

His thoughts got interrupted and he spun around and found his traveling companion with a baby gym in his hands. He dropped the thing to the floor and raided the backpack for an extra blanket and Norman just stood there blinking at him.

“There you go, sweetie. You better take the time to stretch those legs, cause it’s not going to be that easy for the next 8 hours.”

He took the child out of his arms and placed her on the blanket and informed him that he had order some breakfast. Once Norman was sure his daughter was entertained by all the moving toys above her head, he turned back to the window, leaned against the barrier and kept gazing at the slowly rising sun.

“So you talked to Jessie last night?”

“Yeah.”

In his peripherally vision he saw Cookie move an armchair so that he could be closer to the infant on the floor.

“And?”

“And I slept in the closet last night.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, I fell asleep on the floor when I talked to her… Well, we really didn’t talk that much to be honest.”

“But she’s ok?”

“Yeah, she’s ok. Better, I guess. Not good but better.”

“She will be back soon.”

“I hope so.”

“I know you don’t need to hear it but you’re doing a fucking amazing job right now. With Melodi, I mean. I just want you to know that. She’s one lucky kid.”

He smiled a little to himself by the compliment but it was something that bothered him everytime someone told him he was doing a good job. It wasn’t like he had made the chose. Jessie had chosen for him. Forced him to do this.

“I’m just… Worried about what’s going to happen when she comes back.”

“Why?”

“What if it all backfires on her? On Jessie? She has already been gone for a week, it must seem like a lifetime to Mel and-Fuck, it feels like a lifetime to me and… I just don’t think she’s going to be back that soon.”

“She’s not going to forget about her mom, Norman.”

“How do you know that?”

“Cause you keep reminding her everyday. You’re showing her videos of Jessie dancing and singing everyday. Right?”

“Yeah but that’s… That’s for me, because I want to force the good memories back again. All I’m left with right now is her cutting her wrist open… I’m just afraid that she…I don’t know, man…”

“Jessie will be home soon.”

“I don’t need her to come home, I need her to be her. That’s more important, I need the old Jessie back, nothing else.”

“Really? You want to get your balls kick again cause she can’t control her temper?”

“Hell yeah, she was a bitch from day one and I fucking fell in love with her from day one. I’d take a kick in the balls everyday for a week if she just fix’s this.”  

“Which is why she’ll be back. She knows you love her, Norm.”

“I do…”

                                            --------------------------------

_Landing on London in an hour_

Andy grabbed his phone as the beep informed him of an incoming text. He let out a loud enough ‘ahh’ that it made both his wife and daughter look up from their homework duty at the kitchen table.

“What, what, what? Show me!”

His daughter pretty much tore the phone from his hand when she attacked him. Andy held it out of reach though.

“Hold on. I’ll show you.”

He turned the phone around to his jumping daughter and showed him the picture Norman had sent him of the sleeping angel on his chest. Tilly had the same reaction as her father and tried once more to grab the phone to look closer. When he wouldn’t let her take it, she grabbed his wrist instead and forced his whole hand closer. Gale giggle behind them when their daughter let out the same question 5 times in a row.

“When’ll they be here, dad?”

“Jesus Christ, calm down!”

“Will they be here for dinner? Can they please eat-“

“Matilda, stop talking and listen instead.”

Once he had his daughter full attention, Andy continued.

“I’m going to pick them up in an hour. And yes, they will eat dinner with us. They’re staying in the guestroom, remember? If you and your brother can behave.”

“Can I come with you to the airport? Please, dad.”

At this request, Andy looked up at his wife for some guides. Something the girl noticed and she rushed directly at her mother and pleaded too.

“Yes, you can go.”

The girl started to jump up and down but stopped at once when her mother added on:

“When…! You’re done with your homework. And your father still needs to install that car seat for baby Melodi.”

Gale remained her husband and it made Andy move at once. He headed straight for the garage and grabbed the newly bought car seat on the way. Norman had protested at once and assure them they didn’t have to buy anything new, they could just rent it or probably burrow from some friends. But the moment he had convinced his best friend to fly over, Andy had headed to the closest baby store and filled the whole car with stuff he was sure Melodi needed. It had been a pretty expensive shopping spree but worth every penny.

                                            ---------------------------

“Shit…”

Andy grabbed his daughters hand and pulled her close as they approached the international arrivals area and he quickly noticed that it was swarming with paparazzi.

“Stay close to me, honey.”

The girl looked up at him and nodded. She tightened her grip around her father’s hand and Andy felt how she moved a little to stand behind him. He cursed himself for not thinking this should happen. He should’ve known the paparazzi would be there. But the numbers overwhelmed him and he started to make up a plan in his head about getting them all out of this. But just as he picked up his phone in an attempt to get hold of Norman, the man came through the open doors and all hell broke loose. It seemed the American’s at least had expected this and Stacy wasn’t alone in shielding his client from the flashing cameras. 3 additional airport personal were surrounding his brother and Andy could see him hold on to the infant on his chest for dear life. He had taken the precaution in wrapping a hoodie around his daughter as well, just to make sure she wasn’t caught on camera but Andy could hear, even through the chaos, how Melodi protested wildly. Somehow, they found each other over the crowed and an insane battle of getting back to the car begun.

The airport security did a damn good job though and managed to shut must of the paparazzi inside the terminal while they made a run for the short-term parking. Once Norman and Melodi and his daughter were inside the car, Andy started to breath again. He could hear Stacy yell at the top of his lungs at the paparazzi who had followed them but their voices got muffled as all doors closed around them. At once he turned around to the backseat and found Matilda sitting in the middle of the car, panting by the running but other than that seeming to be ok. He reached back and placed a hand on her knee.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry about that.”

Norman spoke in a rush while he as fast as he could, removed the angry baby girl from the carrier. Once she was free and Norman placed the girl across Matilda’s lap and told her to just sit still, Melodi quiet down at once.

“Wow, she’s getting so big.”

Andy only had to take one look at the man in the backseat to know he was close to a breakdown and to help him calm down, he stirred the conversation towards Melodi. He had to make Norman focus on his daughter and not everything that was going on around them.             

“How old is she?”

His daughter’s question made Norman turn around and Andy saw how he found his calm again. He smiled as Melodi looked back at Tilly and gave up a happy sound.

“She’s 12 weeks.”  

“She’s tinny.”

“She has been even tinnier. She actually passed the 10-lb. mark this week.”

Andy jumped when the passenger door opened, Stacy jumped in, and then it closed hard in the course of just a few seconds. He turned around to the backset and asked the same question as Andy had done. Norman nodded.

“I’m fine. We’re fine.”

He picked up his daughter and reached over the older girl and somehow managed to buckle her into the car seat. Melodi didn’t like the idea of being restrained once again through and she started to fuss at once when Norman pulled away.

“Talk to her, Tilly.”

She obliged at once at his words and Andy watched through the rearview mirror how his daughter bent closer to the infant and started talking to her and Melodi’s mood changed at once. Once he was sure everyone in the car had their seatbelt on and Stacy gave him the ok to go, Andy backed out of the parking lot and they started their journey back home.

“How was your flight? Did she do ok?”

As they made it to the highway, leaving the airport and hopefully all the paparazzi far behind, Andy felt safe to try to engage Norman in a conversation. It took him a few seconds to get a response and Andy had just started to ask the question again when Norman finally spoke.

“She did really good. She slept for almost 4 hours straight and spent the rest of the time eating and playing.”

“What about you?”

He glanced over his shoulder at his brother but Norman was gazing out the window and didn’t seem to want to give a replay. Andy turned to look at the man beside him instead.

“He slept when she slept.”

“Good.”

“Have you talked to Jessie?”

The question came unexpected and it made Andy turn around and look at him once more.

“Talked to her? No, we just text. She said you finally called yesterday though.”

“Yeah… Kinda made things worse though.”

“Why?”

“Cause I really miss her.”

“She seems better though. Right?”

“Yeah. What has she done? “

“What do you mean?”

“Alanna said she’d talk to you.”

“Right, that… Let’s talk about that at home instead.”

“What has she done, Andy?”

He could hear the anger in his friend’s voice but it was probably because he hated to be kept in the dark. Especially when it involved Jessie.

“It’s a good thing, Norm. You just gonna have to trust me on this for a little while longer, ok? Let’s just get home and you can settle in and have some food.”

He felt the older man’s glaring at the back of his head but finally Norman huffed, as though he agreed and Andy let out a silent breath of relief.

                                            ---------------------------------

“God damnit, Andy...!”

Norman opened the door to the guestroom he was sharing with his daughter and the first thing that caught his eye were all the baby gear that occupied the space. A new stroller from the same, and he knew, expensive brand that they had back in the States caught his eye first. Then the changing table with stacks of cloths as well as diapers to last a month and a monitor still in its box. On the bed there was the exact same baby nest she used at home but he hadn’t bothered to bring because he knew she would be sleeping on him anyway.

“Come on, don’t be mad at him. He just wants to help.”

Gale was suddenly behind him and he spun around in the doorway and found her with Melodi’s suitcase in her hand.

“You shouldn’t have. This is… I told him not to buy anything.”

“He wasn’t planning on it, I promise. He was just going to go out and by some diapers and a cheap stroller.”

“Those are not cheap, Gale.”

He pointed towards the grey stroller as they both stepped into the room and deposit of the luggage.

“Well, I tell you, I wish they had those when our kids were babies. It’s gorgeous, whatever it is.”

“A bugaboo.”

“Sorry?”

Gale gaped a little at him and he rolled his eyes back at her when she displayed her shock over that fact that he seemed to know the actually brand of the stroller.

“It’s a Bugaboo Bee. We have the same brand at home but a different model…. Yes, I know what fucking stroller we have, so what?”

Gale tried to suppress her giggles but failed when Norman glared at her.

“Nothing, I’m just…Surprised.”

“After all those hours I spent between scenes, online, looking up everything and ordering what we needed, I sure would hope I’d remember some of it.”

“Ok then. I’ll let you unpack and get settled. Don’t worry about Melodi, she’s in good hands.”

“I know.”

She halted in the doorway and Norman looked up from the bed where he had just opened up his daughter suitcase. He felt her watch him and when he turned around to watch her, she took a few quick steps forward and embraced him.

“I’m glad you’re here.”                                

“Thank you for letting me stay here.”

“Of course, Norman. You can stay as long as you like.”

He couldn’t find a replay to these words but he didn’t have to. Gale placed her palm to the side of his face for a second before turning once more and left the room and closed the door behind her. Silence surrendered him as he sank down on the bed with a heavy sigh. Andy really was trying to help him but it was hard to accept it and be thankful for it at the moment. He knew he would be thankful but a part of him was just annoyed at his best friends for being so damn protective and worried. He had a much better understanding for all those times Jessie had complained about him being overprotective. He had never found himself in this situation before. He was always the overprotecting one, the one who worried and wanted to take care of everyone else. At the moment he only had energy for one person alone.

He laid back down, still with his legs outside the bed and put his hands over his face as he inhaled deeply. He picked up his phone and started to write a text to Jessie.

_In the United Kingdom…_

She didn’t replay within the next minutes and the worry that stared to spread through him, made him want to call her just to make sure she was ok. He knew that she had districte usage of her phone but not getting hold of her made him anxious. He was given no time to linger on this though, as there was a soft knock on the door and Andy’s son put his head inside the room and told him that dinner was ready. He leaned up and replayed to the boy before forcing himself to move and walk out through the opened door. He heard his daughters laugh long before he saw her. Andy was on the floor, flying her through the air above his head.

The kids helped him play some version of the normal him their first night there. They always helped lift his spirit and Melodi was in a great mood the entire dinner. Probably because she was being passed on between the three adults and always having one of the kids close by to play with her. Norman noticed how much more relaxed he became for each minute that passed with his favorite family in the world besides his own. He found himself laughing and making jokes, something he hadn’t done for weeks.

“Thank you so much, Gale. It was amazingly good.”

Norman stood and cleared his own and Andy’s plate and brought them to the kitchen where the woman was putting away the dirty dishes.

“You’re welcome.”

He walked back and forth between the kitchen and the dinning table until everything was cleared away. Andy had taken to baby duty and was occupying the sofa with his own kids on either side of him while Melodi rested in his lap.

“How are you holding up, Norman?”

Gale touched his forearm briefly when he rinsed a dirty plate and handed it over to her and she put it into the dishwasher.

“I’m ok… I’m on a fucking weird… I don’t know, autopilot or something. I just do what I’m suppose to do, you know? I’ve to make things work for Mel’s sake but as soon as she’s not around, when she’s asleep, I break down.”

“You’re allowed to break down. As long as you pull yourself together again.”

“It’s not like I’ve got another chose but to pull myself together again. She needs me.”

“And you’re doing really good. She’s the luckiest little girl in the world to have you as her father, I hope you know that.”

“Yeah but I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to do this.”

“I hate to say it but it’s like you said, you really don’t have a chose.”

He did a double take and looked at the woman beside him with wide eyes. There was a slight tone of anger in her voice that he wasn’t used to at all.

“You’re mad at her.”

“You’re not?”

“Of course I am. I’ve never been this pissed at her before but I wasn’t expecting it from you. Why are you mad at her?”

“Because she’s leaving her newborn. As a mother I just… I get it but I don’t at the same time. I know I would walk through hell and back again for my kids and she just left.”

“You think she didn’t try enough?”

“Something like that. I know you think so too, you just love her too much.”

“Oh, I yelled at her about it, trust me. So many times.”

“I know…”

“I just didn’t think she actually listen to me.”

“Let’s hope she stops doing that soon.”

“Mmm…”

“I know it’s fucked up but I want the bitch back. I want the old Jessie back. The one that didn’t care about anything and just wanted to sleep with as many people as possible and still being loved by you and… I know it’s weird.”

“No, not at all. That’s what I want too. I need her to drive me insane again because I can’t control her. Not necessary her will to want to fuck everything that moves but ever-“

“She’s hungry.”

Norman got interrupted by Andy who suddenly showed up in the kitchen, carrying a fussing infant on his arm that tried to put her own hands into her mouth.

“Sorry, am I interrupting?”

He quickly asked when he noticed both of them looking at him.

“No, it’s ok. I’ll get her food.”

“No, you take her, I’ll get it. Where is it?”

“My backpack.”

He took his daughter from Andy as he answered the question. The girl quickly snuggled under his chin like she had done so many times before and tried to get as close as she possible could to her father.

“She’s quiet the cuddlier, isn’t she?”

“It’s really insane how much body contact she needs.”

“Yeah, wonder who she gets that from… She’s so like you in so many ways, Norman and she looks just like Jessie. She’s the perfect combination of the two of you.”

“Yeah, she really is.”

                                            ----------------------------------

Andy’s children assisted Norman when they got Melodi ready for bed their first night in the house. They helped getting her PJ’s on and made sure her formula was warm enough before bringing it to Norman. After that though, Gale forced the kids upstairs, telling them babies needed some peace and quiet when going to bed at night. It had never been so easy to get them to accept it was time for bed.

“What?”

Norman asked. Andy looked up and noticed he was grinning from ear to ear as he watched his family vanish up the stairs.

“I’m going to use her as an excuse for them to go to bed for as long as you’re here.”

Norman snorted out a laugh.

“Sure, dude.”

“I love you.”

He saw a smile on the man’s face as he watched Melodi and he replayed with the same words without looking up.

“Your wife has started a Youtube channel.”

Andy watched Norman closely as he let the words slip. At first, he thought Norman hadn’t heard him but second by second it seemed like he began to grasp what he had just said. Slowly he lifted his head and looked straight at Andy.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s what Alanna meant when she said that Jessie seemed better.”

Norman frowned and didn’t grasp what Andy was saying at all. Before he could ask any questions, Andy hastily continued and explained everything he needed to know.

“Alanna told me about it when she first found the video. It’s just about her and what’s going on right now. It’s kind of a daily diary I guess you could say but focusing on one person at the time. The first video she uploaded in the beginning of the week was just her talking about her parents. Then Jenny and Josh and Jacob. Sean was mentioned and… She talked about-“

“Show me. Now.”

Norman’s voice wasn’t in any way upset but rather very determent and although Andy had wanted to wait to show him until Melodi was asleep, there was no room over for argument. He turned on the TV and picked up his phone and felt silly proud of himself every single time he managed to connect the two devices and Youtube actually showed up on the TV screen. He still had no idea how the fuck it worked, just that it did and it was a pretty awesome thing. As he located Jessie’s channel he noticed a new video that he hadn’t watched yet but as it was just a few hours old and he got the feeling his brother would be included in this one, he decided to wait and started the video that had cost him to cry himself to sleep the night before.

The baby in Norman’s arms jerked away from her bottle as the music started on the TV. He turned down the sound a little to the song he hadn’t known at first but after searching 100 of websites it had felt like, found a song by Linkin Park called _Easier to run._ Melodi resumed her eating when Norman pulled his daughter back. He had already watched this video half a dozen times but seeing Jessie dance was something he would never get tired of. He looked between the TV and Norman to be ready for whatever reaction he would have to seeing this. When the song ended and Jessie stepped closer to the screen and sat cross legged on the floor, close enough that one could see the beads of sweat on her face and the tears on her cheeks, Norman moved suddenly. He grabbed Melodi harder and slithered down the floor and sat down right under the screen, placing Melodi in his lap.

“You always annoyed me, remember that? From the first time we met, you got under my skin like no one else and I know the feelings was mutual. Right? You never got it, Andy, did you? But then… Who the fuck got it? The only difference is that you knew everything. Norman always told you everything, cause that’s what brothers do I guess. And I didn’t really care at first that you knew, it didn’t make any difference to me that you hated me. I just hated you right back. And here we’re, 7 fucking years later and I… And I can’t imagine my life without you. If I could retrace every wrong move I made I would but if it’s something that I’ve learned the past couple of weeks is that… Maybe this is how things had to be, you know?”

Andy teared up for a whole other reason this time around. He watched Melodi’s reaction to seeing and hearing her mother close by again. The baby girl sat waving her arms and cooing happily in her father’s lap. Norman whoever, sat crying as he had known he would do.

“You probably have the biggest reason to hate me besides Norman himself. Cause out of everyone around him and…. Whenever we were together, you always had a front row seat to what was going on. Some people might think they know what was going on, but you are the only one who can say that you’ve seen and heard it all. Both the bad and the good. A lot of people who has been and still are close to, well, us will wonder what the fuck I’m talking about. What good times? And I get it… For a very long time, everyone around just saw the bad times. And right now I need to remind myself about the good times so bad. I mean it’s be a pretty… March has been a shitty month. And I remembered something. I mean we have some pretty good memories from last year, right? You know, when I stopped being so fucked up and constantly ran, cause it’s easier to run… I remember when we were in Costa Rica. And it was just and me cause Norman and Steven were off on some jungle adventure and we had both caught some stomach bug during the night.”

Andy once more got flashbacks from the time Jessie mentioned. Despite that fact that it had been the worst night of his life and it had left him with the feeling of turning himself inside out, it was a good memory. A good memory of a pretty chaotic year, like all the other years of knowing Norman and Jessie.

“And I remember we were lying on the beach, in the shade, both of us totally knocked out and grumpy and just pissed at the world. It was the first time I think I took the time to really talk to you. And probably the first time you really tried to understand where I was coming from. It was the first time I told you about all the complicated feelings I had for Norman back then and why we could never make it work. And you talked about growing up, getting your heart broken, meeting your wife… We must have spent half a day just lying there and talking and right now, this very moment, when everything is worse than it has ever been, it helps to think back to moments like that. Cause it gives me something to fight for. I want that again. I want to lay on a beach with you again and just talk about life. I love you, Andy. And Gale and those little human beings in your family that’s not so little anymore… I love you, guys and I’ll see you soon.”

He had cried ever single time he had watched this video and even though he tried really hard this time, he couldn’t keep the tears away.

“Again. Please, put it on again.”

His voice trembled with sobs as Norman spoke from the floor.

“Go put her to bed first. She’s asleep.”

Andy dried his wet face with the back of his hand as he spoke. He saw his friend lower his head to look at Melodi and then got to his feet and walked off to the bedroom. He was back within a minute and there wasn’t a sound in the whole house that relived that there were 3 kids in there at the moment. Everyone was asleep and Andy was sure his wife had gone to bed too, letting the two of them have some alone time.

“When was this?”

“She published it yesterday. I think she uploads it pretty much right away.”

Norman sat down beside him and for some reason he was smiling, although he, too, wiped away tears from his face.

“What’s the smile about?”

“She’s breaking the rules.”

“What rules?”

“Maria told her to stay away from all kind of social media. She’s breaking the rules, Andy.”

It dawned on him why he was smiling and he joined in his brother’s joy about seeing a little bit of the old Jessie coming back. Slowly but surely, she started to find her way back to herself. Breaking rules were something she had done for as long as Andy had known her and she couldn’t care less about it.

“Do you want to do this alone? It’s for you.”

Andy noticed that name on the video she had uploaded just a few hours earlier and when he read the title _my love_ he wasn’t sure he was supposed to be there. Norman quickly shook his head though and just asked him to put the video on as he leaned forward as though he waned to get closer to the TV without leaving the sofa. Andy took a deep breath, leaned back and moved away a little from Norman to give him some space and stated the video.

This time they weren’t faced with the studio and music and Jessie getting ready to dance. This time she was crawled up with her arms around herself in Norman’s Chinatown apartment. Andy quickly recognized the bedroom and the bed she was sitting in.

“Today is a shitty day… They’ve all been shitty days lately but today is just… Worse. I tried to dance this morning but I just couldn’t move my feet when the music started. Then I couldn’t breathe. My ears started ringing and my entire body trembled… Panic attacks were something I suffered from for a very long time after losing my family. They would get so bad that I could lose entire days. They were just gone from my memory. Maria asked me why it happened. Usually I won’t be able to pinpoint to the reason, it just… fucking happens and I can’t control it. But this time I know why it happened.”

Jessie paused and exhaled hard as she tried to force tears back. When a tear escaped her left eye, she hastily whipped it away.

“I miss you so… fucking much. It actually physically hurts, that’s how bad it is. And when you called last night I… I just miss you so much and I hate myself for putting you through this, like you have no idea… You know me better than anyone but right now it’s just… It scares me shitless cause I don’t even know myself and you’re not here. And I couldn’t dance this morning because the song reminded me of you. _It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane but when it's bad it's awful…_ I just wish that we could have some kind of normal. That I could be normal. It’s all or nothing, it has always been all or nothing with us, hasn’t it? And I want that to stop so fucking bad.”

Andy sat stock still and stared at the familiar but yet strange woman in front of him. She looked different, thinner and with dark circles under her eyes. Beside him, Norman sat just as paralyzed, his hands folded tightly in front of him.

“My love, my rock, my world… I know things will never be the same between us again and that I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I’m gonna try. It’s all I have left. I have to try to set things right but today I’ve no fucking idea how. Yesterday was ok… Today, I just want to shut my eyes, go to sleep and wake up when it’s all over again. But at the moment all I see when I shut my eyes are images of all the bad memories. I’ve had to go through and talk about you so many times lately that I should be able to remember the good. But it always comes down to all the fights and-Well, all the fucking wars really. Cause we never just fight. Love hard, fight hard, right?”

Andy jumped a little when Norman chuckled.

“I need to find the will to fight again. This… Right here, this is not who I am. You reminded me of that and it’s why I left. You of all people should know and you’re the only one who would ever have the right to accuse me of this. And to be honest, I would never have listen if it had come from anyone else but you. And I think that’s what people don’t get, probably don’t want to get either. They don’t want to get it into their heads that you’ve… Someone like me in your life. I can’t get it into my head that you’re in my life. I guess I at least managed to please all them hater, huh? The biggest fucking “I told you so” in the history of mankind. I’m not sure when at the moment but at some point, I’m gonna shove it up their asses. Until then take care of our kids… Mingus, I love you and although it doesn’t matter how many times I say it, I know it won’t matter but I’m sorry… Shit, I’m getting so emotional.”

At the mention at his son, Norman too go emotional and tears were visible in his eyes once more.

“Maybe I should just tell you that you really help though. Cause with you all I have is happy and fun memories. See you grow up has been an amazing adventure and I’ll be forever thankful to your parents for bringing you into the world. You truly are the most incredible human being and Melodi is the luckiest little kid in the world to have you as her big brother. We’ll be a family again, that’s a promise and until then I’m counting on you to keep your little sister safe. Like you’ve from the first day she was born. I love you all three more than I’ll ever be able to put into words and you’re the once that keeps me going. Nothing else matters but to come back to you and make things right again… And I know I’m not making any sense at all but maybe someday you’ll get it. Maybe I’ll get it… I love you guys to Neptune and back. And since I can’t find the energy to dance today, I’m just gonna crawl under the covers and try to sleep. Wherever you’re, my love, I love you and please kiss our baby girl from me and tell her mommy loves her.”

Jessie blew the camera a kiss through her tears before the video caught off. The two of them sat without moving for a long moment. Finally, Andy sobbed himself into speech.

“She’s going to have bad days, Norman. She always has.”

“Yeah…I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Are you ok?”

“No but I… I just need to collect my thoughts, alright?”

“Of course. Let me know if there’s anything I can do. You know where to find me.”

Andy spoke as he got to his feet. He walked past his brother and placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed once. Norman lifted his head and nodded quickly at him.

“Thank you, Andy. I love you.”

“I love you too, Norm. See you in the morning.”

“Good night.”

Andy took a step but heisted when he saw Norman bend his head and hid his face in his hands. He bent down, grabbed his head and kissed his hair hard before continuing to the second landing where he was even more thankful than the day before to be able to lay down next to his wife and kiss her goodnight.


	16. Better

Andy leaned against the doorway between kitchen and living room and watched his son sitting at the dinner table with his homework. Norman was seated next to him, helping him out, with Melodi in his lap and although the girl was a pretty big distraction for the schoolboy, Andy didn’t have the heart to intervene. He watched the baby girl who was chewing away on some toy while making all kinds of noises. It was incredible how fast a baby grew. He had forgotten what it was like with his own kids but he had seen her grow literally a few inches in the two week she had been with them.

When Norman glanced up and saw him looking, he gave a small nod and a smile back and Andy let a happy sigh of relief leave him by this small gesture. His brother had changed too. Not in the physical aspect but he was a lot more like himself. The happy, playful and always carrying Norman was back on a much bigger scale than before. He wasn’t 100 % there but Andy knew he never would be as long as Jessie was missing from his life. But at least he was doing good enough that Andy felt confident enough that he would be alright once he went back home to the States in two days. That he was actually going to start working again, although on a very small scale, with AMC on the new season, made it yet a little bit easier to let him go. It meant he would’ve something to do and focus on instead of just wait for Jessie to recover.

As though, she could hear his thoughts, Andy’s phone buzzed and when he picked it up, a text from Jessie was waiting for him. When he opened it, he was faced with a picture of the most amazing mountain view.

_Taking a breath… Or two_

_Where’re you?_

_Tim lured me away on a hiking trip to Lake Placid_

_Looks gorgeous_

_It is_

_I’ve a pretty sweet view too though ♥_

He took a few steps closer to the small crowed at the table and snapped a photo of father and daughter without either of them noticing and send it to Jessie     

_She’s getting so big ♥_

_Yeah, she really is. She gets bigger and you get better_

_Slowly, yes_

_As long as you get better, that’s what matters_

_I am. Today is a good day. It’s been a pretty good week actually. We started a new form of therapy a while back and it’s finally helping_

_Good, I’m glad to hear that. I really miss you and I’m not the only one_

_I miss you too Andy_

_You should call him_

_No_

_Why?_

_I don’t want him to break down again. He’ll call when he’s ready but for now texting is easier for both of us_

_Fair enough. He’s still looking at all your videos every night. I think he uses them to put Melodi to sleep, she likes to hear your voice_

_Really? Might have to upload something new soon then_

_You really should. 2 weeks without something new to watch is getting to me too ;)_

_Maria would say that’s a good thing_

_How’s that?_

_Cause it means I’ve more time over to do what I really should be doing_

_She didn’t like it?_

_Both yes and no. She wanted me to keep a journal but she wasn’t so crazy about the idea of doing it like this and above all not let everyone have access to it_

_Guess I can get behind that a little bit_

_I just needed to get it all out there and Youtube was the fastest way_

_Alright… Norman’s leaving on Monday, going back home_

_NYC?_

_No, Georgia. Going back to work_

_Good_

_Yeah, he needs to have something to do. This waiting is fucking killing him_

_I’m sorry_

_No baby don’t say you’re sorry. I know you are but you don’t have to be. I know you’re doing your best and you need to take your time. He knows this too_

_I’m trying_

_I know babe_

_I’ll be home soon_

_We’re all right here waiting for when you are_

_I don’t deserve either of you_

_Of course you do. Don’t be stupid. I love you Jessie_

_I love you too… Well, Tim says it’s enough phone time for today. We’re going to hike down this mountain again. Thanks for the pic ♥_

_Of course. Take care of yourself_

_Give them a hug and kiss from me_

_Always ♥_

Andy started to call out for Norman’s attention but his son interrupted him and jumped up and high-fived his helper when it seemed they had finished the homework. Next second, they were long gone as Norman had promised the kid some serious videogame time once he was done with his homework. He sighed to himself but it was with a smile on his face. He put the phone away and reminded himself that he would talk to Norman once the kids had gone to bed. He hoped Jessie would text him too though but it hadn’t always been the case. After Norman had finally called her the day before he arrived in the U.K. and it had take its toll on both of them, she had given him a lot more space. Probably more than he really wanted but it had helped him getting into some kind of normal routine. Andy could still catch his brother just staring into space with tears streaming down his face but it had really helped him heal just a little bit spending time with Andy’s family. The first couple of day, he had had to force the smiles towards the kids but as the days went by and he really settled it, Andy saw Norman change and the extreme pressure melted away more and more.

Although he was nervous about letting him go, it wasn’t going to be for so long. It would only be two more weeks and he and his family would move back to Georgia again and the TWD circus would begin again. He had taken precautions though and talked to both Greg and Melissia about keeping an eye on him once he got back.

                                            -------------------------------------

Mingus stopped outside the door to his father’s apartment and rose his hand to knock on the door. He stopped the movement twice, arguing with himself about doing this. But finally he put his knuckles on the door and knocked hard twice. He waited for almost a minute and was ready to turn around and leave when he finally heard movement inside the door. He imagined her looking through the peephole and another 10 seconds past before she unlocked the door. It had been nearly a month since he last saw her and wasn’t sure what he had expected once she stood in front of him. They didn’t say anything once they came face to face again and Jessie leaned against the side of the door, like she had to have something to hold on to.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and told himself not to start crying. She had changed since the last time he saw her. For the better and he had expected it at all. A small smile was playing at the corner of her mouth and it reached all the way to her eyes. Her eyes were back to their same color and shape with no more dark circles under them. The green shine as bright as it always had. She had changed her hair and the once blond hair was a bit shorter and she had added some red highlights. As he took a closer look at her entire appearance, he noticed that she had never looked more fit and healthy before.

“Hi.”

The word finally came out but it was almost like a whisper. She replayed with a smile and opened the door to let him pass. He stepped into the familiar apartment and left his shoes and jacket in the hallway before following Jessie inside.

“I was about to make some tea. Do you want some?”

She asked with her back turned to him. If he wasn’t mistaken, he could swear he saw her whip her eyes hastily and take a deep breath as she walked over to the kitchen. 

“Sure.”

He followed and sat down at the breakfast area and watched as she busied herself around the kitchen without turning towards him once. Finally when she was done with everything, she stopped beside the stove and turned around to face him and once more they ended up just gazing at each other. But he noticed that words weren’t necessary for them to communicate. She was finally on the right track and her time away from the rest of their family was soon to be over. She served him tea and put a plate of Oreos between them before she pulled out the chair next to him and sat down.

“Have you see dad yet?”

“No. I’m not 100 % there yet… I want him to want me to come back.”

Mingus nodded and although he knew his father had wanted her to come back since she left, he knew what she meant. It had to be 110 % real and she had to be sure she wasn’t going to break again when she were finally back.

“But you still love him, right?”

“More than ever.”

She said with a deep sigh and rested one hand in her palm as she looked at him.

“Good.”

“Have you seen him?”

“Not since I was there the same week he got back from the U.K.”

“Is she ok?”

“Melodi? Yeah, she’s fine. She misses you but she’s ok.”

“What if she doesn’t remember me?”

“She’ll remember you, Jess. Dad has shown her a video of you every day since you left. She falls asleep to the sound of your voice.”

She blinked at him and her eyes became slightly glassy.

“How long have you been staying here instead of the house?”

“Since the night you dad left the country. He wasn’t the only one having a breakdown after we talked to each other. After I had that panic attack I ran from everything and everyone. And I ended up here. Like I always did. And still do apparently.”

“But you’re ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok, Mingus. I’m more than ok.”

“You look more than ok. I like the red, it suites you.”

H reached out and touched a strain of hair that had escaped her ponytail. She took his hand and kissed the top of it quickly.

“It’s good to see you again but why are you here?”

“Guess I’m just sick and tired of waiting and… I miss you, Jessie. I know I was an ass-“

“No, Mingus don’t apologize. You’ve nothing to apologize for. Everything you said was true and you had all right to be made and hate me.”

“Still, it wasn’t really helping, was it?”

“In some ways it did. Just like it helped when your dad kicked me out. It’s always been like this. I really don’t get how bad things are until he gives up on me.”

“So… Can I stay for a while?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“I do.”

“I’d love for you to stay, Mingus. I’ve missed you like crazy.”

“Cool, then I’ll stay.”

                                            ---------------------------------------

Norman got distracted by the little girl, lying on the floor playing with her own feet, making the sweetest kind of noises. He wasn’t the only one though. Most people in the conference room turned their heads towards Melodi. They were in the final stages of mapping out the first half of season 8 and although Norman hadn’t been part of the production as had been planned from the beginning, he had been able to voice his opinions both once and twice since coming back. Today they were discussing the mid-seasons finale and one of the walls were covered with tones of storyboards.  

He allowed himself to look at her for a full minute before turning his attention back to the work at hand. He was still beyond impressed and proud of how good she was behaving. She could spend an hour at the time just lying on the floor, talking and playing all by herself. When she got bored and needed attention there were half a dozen people who was more than willing to let her sit on their lap. She would only sleep if she was close to her father though. Most of the times, she fell asleep in the carrier and she would stay asleep on Norman’s chest for up to 3 hours a day.

They had gotten into a very well function routine since getting back to the States. Melodi would wake him up around 7 in the morning and they got ready and ate breakfast together before leaving for Atlanta and a maximum of 8 hours work. Usually she was the one who decided when she wanted to have her father all to herself and it would be time for him to leave. She would usually be glued to him once they got back home in the late afternoon. He really didn’t mind because he needed her just as much as she needed him at that time of day. The evenings were the worst for him. During the day when he was working he had no time over to linger on Jessie that much. When he got home her absent got so much more intrusive. There were no one there to welcome him home or someone he could tell about his day. Once Melodi had gone to sleep, there were no one there expect Eye that he could talk to or watch a movie with. He usually ended up just going to sleep close to his daughter a lot earlier than he usually would. Some nights that was a very bad thing because it gave him too much time to linger on dreams about his missing wife.

April the 20th was just another day with the same routine from morning to late afternoon. Gale however, stopped him when he was halfway towards the elevators to leave for the day.

“Norman?”

He stopped in the middle of a step and turned back around to face the approaching producer. She handed over Melodi’s tiger blanket. He grabbed it from her outstretched hand and thanked her before handing it to the girl on his hip.

“There was something else too.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, it’s about her actually. How would you feel about making her a TV star?”

“What do you mean?”

“We need a baby Gracie.”

“But I thought they were already cast.”

“They were but something came up that has forced the family to say no to their appearance. I know it’s a last-minute thing and that you have to think about it but the roll’s hers if you want it to be.”

“Can I think about it?”

“Of course. Until Friday.”

“Alright.”

“Great. Now go home and I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for today, Norman. Great job.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, Gale.”

She leaned in and caressed the little girls head, smiling hugely at her and got a smile just a huge back. She said something to the baby that Norman didn’t caught, his mind was already swarming with arguments about whether or not accepting Gale’s request. Melodi gave up an angry cry when he walked away from Gale but once in the elevator going down to the garage and he turned her around to face him, she gave up a happy shrike again. He forgot all about making any kind of decisions at the sight of her happy face and he hugged her tightly and attacked her with kisses that made her laugh loudly. Her laughter echoed in the parking garage once he stepped out of the elevator and the sudden change of noise made her react at once. The laughter stopped and her face tensed but before she could start crying, he hurried to the car.

“It’s ok, baby. See? It’s nothing scary here, it’s just the car.”

He assured her as he got the keys from his pocket, unlocked the car and dumped the bag to the ground before putting her into the car seat. She seemed to recognize where she was and the tension was all gone once he was gone buckling her in.

“You’re such a good girl. I love you, sweetheart. So much.”

He gave her a kiss and handed her a toy to play with before closing the door, picked the bag back up from the ground and walked around the car to the driver seat. The silence that surrendered him was very welcome after a day of just talking and discussing back and forth with a dozen other people. He knew he would be tired of the quiet once he was home again but for now he cherished just listening to the soft sounds from his daughter and the humming from the engine as he started the car.

A pair of headlights came on just behind him as he started the car and it made him turn his head and look back for a second. He couldn’t see anything but got the feeling that he was being watched. He shook it off quickly though and put the car into drive and left the garage. At the first red light however, he noticed that he would’ve to stop to fill up the tank of the car or he would be stranded halfway home. At the same time, he also noticed that he was indeed being followed. Or maybe he was just being paranoid but he could swear it was the same car from the parking garage that was close on his tail through the crowded Atlanta streets.

He was forced to put the following car out of his mind when his phone rang and the signals filled the entire car sound system. Sean’s number showed on the dashboard and he pressed the green bottom quickly.

“Hey, man.”

“What’s up, Reedus?”

“Heading home. How are you doing?”

“I’m good, dude. How about you? How are you, brother?”

“I’m ok, Sean.”

“Honest?”

“Honest. I’m really ok.”

Melodi gave up a loud happy noise when she heard Sean’s voice and it made both men chuckle.

“It sounds like she’s doing ok too.”

“Yeah, she’s really good…. AMC asked me if I would let her be part of the new season.”

“Huh…? What does that mean?”

“There’s going to be a baby that Andy finds and they asked me if I would let Mel play the part.”

“Wow… Are you going to let them use her?”

“I’m not sure. I guess I’ve to… I’ve to ask Jessie too, right?”

“Yeah, well-Yeah, but… Have you talked to her lately?”

“No. We don’t talk, we text-“

“I know, you text but this is something you can’t… You need to try start talking to her, Norman.”

Out of the blue and without really being able to explain it, he snapped at Sean’s words.

“She’s not here!”

His anger was irrational and he knew he would regret all of it in the evening but at the moment he got so feed up with everyone telling him that he had to include Jessie and talk to her about everything that involved Melodi. She wasn’t there to help him out. He had been carrying for their daughter all on how own for the past month and he was doing a pretty fucking job alone.

“Jessie’s not here right now, Sean! So how the hell do you suggest I talk to her?!”

“You pick up the fucking phone!”

He cursed to himself and wished it had been Andy who had called instead. Andy wouldn’t argue back, it was always Sean who argued back. He knew it was because he was usually right but right now he just wished for Sean to see his point of view and not be so damn diplomatic and reasonable.

“Why should I even ask her?! She hasn’t cared for a fucking mo-“

“Don’t you fucking end that motherfucking sentence, Norman! I know that you’re feeling like shit and that this is a fucking nightmare but don’t you fucking say that she doesn’t care! Cause you know that’s not true!”

“She’s my daughter! I’ve always been there for her! Jessie just fucking left, just gave up and left!”

“Because you told her too… I get that you have to get this out of your system but you’re being a fucking ass right now.”

“She leaves and I’m the ass?!”

“Yeah…! You know she left because she had to set things right. She left because she loves you and Melodi more than anything else in this fucked up world. I know you know that but I’m going to remind you right now, cause it seems you’ve forgotten. Jessie loves you, Norman. And your daughter. And Mingus. And she’s going to come home. I know that it must feel like a lifetime but you’ve spent more time apart than this.”

“I don’t want to! I’m done spending time apart… I’m so fucking done with this, Sean. I can’t… I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

The first tear that escaped him landed on the steering wheel and he grasped it hard with both hands as he tried to regain control of himself again.

“I know you’re probably sick and tired of hearing this but you’re doing an awesome job, Norman and you can’t afford to lose it now. Melodi needs you and Jessie needs you too. You’ve survived this far.”

“But I miss her so fucking much.”

“Good. Because 2 seconds ago it seems like you didn’t want her to come home at all.”

“Of course I do… I just… Fucking hate her for this and love her more than ever and… Fuck, man there’s so much going in inside my head. Sorry I yelled at you.”

“Hey, it’s ok, man. You can yell all you want. It’s what I’m here for. I was thinking I’d come out this weekend if you want some company.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah, I’d love some company actually. The weeks are fine, because I can occupy myself with work but the weekend is a fucking drag.”

“How’s work?”

“Awesome! It’s really great, I’m loving it.”

“What about Melodi? She’s with you, right?”

“Yeah, of course. She’s too good and too well behaved. As long as I’m close by and she can hear me, she’s fine just lying on the floor. Not that it happens for so long because there’s always someone who wants to just hug her or play with her. And I can’t really keep my hands off her either.”

“She’s a lucky kid, Norm I hope you know that.”

He smiled to himself at Sean’s words. It really was what he needed to hear at the moment because he didn’t feel like he was enough. He knew that Melodi’s need for closeness was her way of letting him know she was missing her mother. There were a lot he could do but he would never be able to fully replace Jessie.

“Norm? You there?”

He heard Sean call for his attention and he realized he must have lost his train of thought and not answered his friend for a little too long.  

“Sorry, man. Yeah I’m still here. No offense, Sean, I know you mean well I and appreciate that words but-“

“You need to hear it from Jessie.”

“Yeah. I really do. You and everyone else kinda have to say I’m doing a good job.”

Sean chuckled on the other line.

“And Jessie doesn’t?”

“If she’s back to normal again, I’m counting on her to be back to complete bitch mood, which means she’ll be brutally honest with me.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Norm.”

“I know that. But she’s the only one who’ll always tell me the truth, no matter what and maybe… You know, she’s the one who knows me better than anyone and I know her.”

“She’ll be back soon. I had an actual reason for calling.”

“You mean besides pissing me off and making me feel like an ass?”

“Yes. Just… When you get home and you’ve a moment or two, check out your wife’s Youtube channel. She uploaded a new video this morning.”

“Really?”

“Yeah and it’s something you probably need right now.”

“Alright. Thanks for the info.”

“Of course, brother. I love you.”

“Love you too, brother.”

“I’ll let you know when I’ve found a flight. Might be able to make it there already Friday night.”

“Awesome. Talk to you later then.”

“Later. Take care and kiss your beautiful little girl from uncle Sean, alright?”

“Always.”

He hung up and wiped his wet face at the same time.

“Thanks for the help…”

He muttered to himself and looked at the baby girl through the mirror. Like always, she remained as cool as a cucumber. He would’ve like it if she once in a while shared his feelings when getting upset but this hadn’t happened yet. It had been nice to have someone on his side for once but she was still sitting, chewing away and talking to her toy without a care in the world.

“You know you can’t hide from the press forever, Mr. Reedus.”

He snapped away from the fuel cap and when he heard someone approach behind, speaking to him. At the corner of his eye he saw the same black car that he had seen in the parking garage.

“Sorry?”

He really thought he must have misheard the tall male that approached him. He couldn’t believe the nerve some people had.

“You’re going to have to talk to us sooner or later.”

“I don’t have to do shit!”

He turned away from the man and watched the number until his car was finally full, tick by in excruciating slowness.

“You owe it to your fans. You’ve stayed of the grid for a month now, Mr. Reedus and everyone’s desperate to know why. You must know about all the insane theories. That your wife, if she even still alive-“

“Jessie’s alive!”

“Then where is she? Why isn’t she with you and your daught-“

The man stepped even closer and as Norman once more lost his temper and spun around to find the intruder, he was standing right beside the back of the car.

“Unless you want me to call the fucking cops, I suggest you back the hell up!”

He knew the man was looking for this exact reaction and that he had to be careful what he did and said.

“You need to talk to the press.”

“No, I don’t.”

In a furious hast, he stopped filling up the tank. He would at least be able to make it home on the fuel he had. He shut the man out and shoved him aside when he wouldn’t move out of the way as he walked around the car, back to the driver seat. He slammed the door shut with the man right outside the window and got the car started and into drive within seconds.

                                            ------------------------------

It wasn’t until several hours later and a lot of frustration from both father and daughter, that Norman finally got Melodi to sleep. He knew she was extremely sensitive to his mood changing as darkness fell but yet he had allowed that parasite from the gas station to get under his skin. His anger and frustration had of course only made things worse, which he knew they would but today he couldn’t stop it. And Melodi’s response was to always be extra fussy and not happy with anything else but simply being in his arms. It felt like it had been the longest 4 hours of his life but as 10 o’clock came and she was finally asleep, he sank into the couch with a deep sigh and closed his eyes.

As all the other times when he closed his eyes and he couldn’t hear nothing else but his own breathing, Jessie swam into the center of his brain. And he remembered why Sean had called. Quickly he started the TV and opened up Youtube. He intended to search for her channel but the video was on the first page as one of the most viewed of the day and he couldn’t help but feel a tinny bit proud of her. He stopped himself however from looking at all the comments as he was sure they weren’t all going to be nice.

Sean had told him this video was something he probably needed right now but when he saw the tittle he felt himself frown in confusion. _Help me out of this hell._ It didn’t seem to be such a positive introduction. He took an extra second before starting the video. As she came into frame he gasped out loud, making the cat that was somewhere close by to scatter by the sudden noise. In the two weeks that had passed since he last saw her on a video like this, she had changed. His palms became sweaty and his pules quickened as he watched her with wide eyes the few seconds it took before she started talking. The eyes he had once fallen in love with were back to its intense green. The red in her hair made them shine even brighter, but the thing that made all the change was the fact that she was smiling.

“I apologize for my absent for the past weeks but I’ve been in an… Extremely intense new form of therapy. Since my complete breakdown where it really felt like I was back at square one again, Maria decided to change her methods. Since I’ve tried them all after my family died, I wasn’t really that hopeful to be honest…. Thank God, I was wrong. And that I was willing to try whatever she threw at me. Cause I’m really fucking sick and tired of being separated from my family.”

His bad conscious hit hard at her words and he stared to tear up in anger. Both at himself for asking her to leave and at her for reminding him.

“I know it’s not up to me, it has to be your decision for this to work and you’ve to know that. Whenever you’re ready to forgive me, I’ll be right here. Through the years you’ve been the only constant thing in my life. Always lifting me up when I’ve needed it the most. Right now you’ve been the one helping me out of this hell. Knowing that you’ll be right there, waiting when all this shit is over and done with, is what keeps me going and it's what makes me want to wake up every morning. Maria has asked me about a million times how I know that you’ll still be there and I’ve never been able to answer her. I just know. It’s how it works with us, right? No one really gets it, they think they do, but they don’t. Not really. It’s always been like that. I can’t explain it and maybe that’s the thing that has made us stick together for 10 years. It doesn’t make sense but that’s the thing, it never had to make sense. I just love you. And I can’t live without you. That’s all I need to know right now. “

The scene suddenly faded towards black and he stopped his shout just at the right time. He wanted to yell at the TV screen for her to come back. He hadn’t seen enough. Thankfully he only had to wait another 5 seconds before the TV lit up again. This time she was joined by a most familiar figure and they were at a very familiar place. Mingus was seated beside her by the piano in their countryside house. Mingus fingers started to dance over the keys and Jessie started singing a familiar song, which also explained the name of the video. _Helium_ by Sia was a song she had loved from the first time she heard it. He had never taken the time to listen to the lyrics before but now they made the sense know world and every word hit him right in his raising heart. She had for as long as he had known het, used lyrics to different songs as a form of communications. When she ran our of words or couldn’t explain what she really felt or needed, she turned to music.

“I love you, baby.”

“Yeah, love you, dad.”

Mingus waved at the camera before the video ended and he sat staring at the black tv screen. For a whole minute he just say there without moving, then he restarted the video again. And again. And again.

                                            ----------------------------------------

Jessie rolled over in bed and hugged the pillow under her head tight. She found the alarm clock beside the bed and notices that she had sleep undisturbed for 8 hours straight. No nightmares. No waking up in panic and screaming. And today, Saturday, was the first day she wouldn’t have a scheduled appointment with Maria. Tim wasn’t in the house either. She was completely alone in the house and she was ok with it. It was 8.26 and she was so use to the routine Tim had imposed on her that she jumped out of bed to get ready.

It didn’t matter that Tim wasn’t there, she was used to doing the same thing everyday that she found herself tying her runners at 10.30 and left the house for an hour workout. 2 hours later when she usually would’ve sat down with Maria, the shrink called instead to check in on her. At first, she was very nervous about saying the wrongs things and alarm the doctor that she wasn’t ready for this at all. But not even a minute into the conversation, Jessie decided to just drop all the bullshit and worry about not pleasing the shrink. She gave an honest and very step-by-step instruction to what she had been up to this far and also told her exactly what she felt. She felt calm. Miserable and upset about missing her husband and daughter but other than that, she was feeling calm about the new situation.     

Only minutes after Maria ended the conversation, completely satisfied that her client was healing, the phone rang again. Jessie put the dirty dishes away and rushed backed to the dinner table and the phone. Andy’s smiling face showed up on the screen and she answered with a smile. 

“Hey, stranger.”

“Baby girl!”

He pretty much shouted out the words at her and she giggled quietly.

“Hello, Andy. How are you?”

“I’m good, Jessie. But never mind that right now. How are you, Jessie? Please tell me you’re ok and ready to go back home and just be done with this shit.”

“Really, Andy? Done with this shit?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I’ll never be done but I’m ok, yes. I’m better than ok and I think I’m ready to come home but it’s up to Norman.”

“He wants you to come home.”

“I know that but he has to be ready. I can’t be the one to decide this, it’s up to him.”

She heard Andy take a breath and she knew he was going to argue and tell her to just go and she cut him of quickly.

“Listen, I’m not coming home until I’m sure he’s ready to take me back. He’s in charge of this decision. Not me and not you either, Andrew. You hear that? Don’t push him!”

“Jess-“

“No, I’m fucking serious, Andy.”

He sighed, annoyed and she could picture him rolling his eyes at the heavens.

“Fine.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, J?”

“What?”

“It's good to have you back. I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you too, Andy.”

“I’ll see you soon, ok? We just got back to Georgia. If you should ever want to come visit us, you know where we live.”

“I do. Take care and give my love to your family.”

“They can’t wait to see you again.”

“Me neither.”

“And, babe? Check out your husbands Instagram… Bye.”

He hung up in the middle of a confused question why from her part and she ended up staring at the disconnected phone. She cursed Andy under her breath with an amused smile on her face.

Andy’s words triggered her curiosity and she decided to download the app once more to her social media free phone. While it loaded, she walked out to the sunroom and took a seat at the corner of the sofa and curled her legs under herself. The dishes would’ve to wait.

She remembering seeing his latest post sometime in the beginning of March about the fans in Madrid but after that, his account had been dead. She searched his name, almost holding her breath, as she typed in letter by letter. He had change his profile picture to one of their wedding photos. The next thing that caught get attention was the new picture. Of her from behind, wearing nothing but Daryl’s west, kneeling in the middle of their bed in his New York apartment.

_I’m hers and she’s mine_

She read the words over and over and sat staring at the picture of herself. It was a step in the right direction for sure but she also knew it wasn’t enough. She knew that he would always love her and that she belonged to him but there were so much more that had to be fixed this time around. They loved each other, she knew that, but it wouldn’t be enough after what she had put him through. Mostly because of what she had put their daughter through. He would never forgive her for that and neither would she.

Yet, there he was, displaying his love for her to the rest of the world but he didn’t reach out to her in another way than that. She hadn't expected it but it made her restless. So she escaped to the studio and danced for hours.

_You want to know what I was before all this? I was nobody. Nothing._

Like so many times before she had isolated herself from the outside world when dancing. She had a waiting text from Norman when the hours started to come closer to evening. As she read it she recognized the quote from Daryl at once.  

_To me you’re everything. All that matters ♥_

_Soon… I’ll call you_

_I know_

_I’ve to be sure_

_I get that. I want you to be_

_I love you_

_I love you too_

She sat with the phone in her hand for several minutes, just staring at the last line of text he had written. But the few minutes of texting couldn’t stop the restlessness that started to spread through her body. This time it was more of the feeling of something missing. Or someone. Her body was tired but her mind was on hyper alert and needed to be stimulated in some way. Her latest decision in starting her own Youtube channel had made her discover how much she enjoyed editing. Although the videos that ended up there were very little edited, simply because she wanted it to be completely genuine and true, but she had amused herself with editing other things.

So that’s what she occupied herself with after taking a quick shower. She blasted out the _History_ album from Michael Jackson on the house’s built in sound system that was one of her absolute favorite thing about the place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone :)


	17. Vail

“Hey, Norm? Do you mind if I put a picture on Instagram? You can’t really see much, besides the back of her head and the wings.”

Sean tried to locate his friend in the kitchen from his place on the couch, without shifting too much and wake the sleeping baby girl on his chest. He lifted his head a little and bent it backwards to find him. But just as he did, Norman showed up on the other side of the table and took a seat in the armchair.

“No, go ahead, that’s fine.”

“This outfit is way too cool not to share, man.”

“Where did you get it?”

Norman eyed the miniature Daryl Dixon leather west with the wings closer. Sean had given her the most amazing gift the same day of his arrival 2 days prior. 

“From a fan at the Dallas expo. You know, you were supposed to be there with Jeff and… She wanted to give it to you but figure I could help her out.”  

“Yeah, right. I missed San Francisco too. Going to try to make it to Nashville though.”

“Don’t stress, man. There’s nothing you’ve to do right now, besides carrying for this little one. There’s no obligations.”

Sean’s hand pressed a little harder to the small back of the baby girl when she suddenly moved in her sleep. But she simply turned her head to the other side and continued snoozing. He updated his Twitter and Instagram with a selfie and the adorable outfit Melodi was wearing with the text _Love is realizing there’s someone in the world who can make everything else worth it… It’ll be a true privilege to see you grow up, little asskicker. I love you to bits and pieces already / Uncle Sean. Ps. Reedus says a huge thank you for the coolest west ever made!_

Once he was done, he put the phone away, checked that Melodi was still asleep and turned his attention to the man in front of him. Norman stare into space with a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth and it was such a relief for him to see this that Sean actually took a quiet breath of relief. He had been in Georgia for 2 days but it was enough to ease the worry about his brother that had cost him a few sleepless nights the last month. Norman was doing so much better. Even though he had found his friend like this a few times, staring into nothing and not seeming to be aware of his surroundings, it was a different kind of staring. Now it was dreamy and longing, unlike the last time he had stayed with him.

“Care to share what’s on your mind?”

It took Norman a 5 second extra to answer and once he did, it was with a slow voice and the gaze still on something very far away.

“Just an insane birthday week, years ago.”

“You might as well tell me, cause I’m pretty stuck here right now.”  

“Back in 2011 we spent out birthdays up in the mountains, skiing and-“

“Fucking.”

Sean carefully covered the girls ears when he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Norman gaped at him for half a second before sniggering.

“Yeah…God damnit, man, I miss her so fucking much.”

Norman gave up a heavy sigh, rubbed his face hard and dropped his head back.

“You know there’s an easy way to solve that problem, right? All you’ve to do is to call her. Right now.”

“I can’t.”

“Why? You know she misses you too.”

“Yeah but I’m not sure she’s ready.”

“She looked pretty damn ready to me. She’s ok, Norman. How the hell will you know when she’s ready?”

“I’ll know.”

Sean gave up a confused sigh and shook his head.

“I’m not even going to ask… The two of you are your own weird fucking… Enigma.”

Once again, Norman sniggered and Sean was pleased to find the dreamy look back on his face that had been lacking for so long now. He nodded, distantly with his gaze focused on something very far away. And without having to strain his brain in the slightest, Sean knew he was thinking about Jessie.

_January 2011 Vail, Colorado_

_It had gotten a little harder for him to travel without getting notice. The Walking Dead had really taken off better than he could ever have dreamed. When leaving New York, he had been stopped both once and twice but they had also been Boondock fans. Once they landed in Colorado whoever, he had managed to go incognito. Jessie had flown in from the other side of the country the day before, so he went straight for the taxi area and was able to catch one pretty easy._

_“Where to, Sir?”_

_Norman dug in his pocket to retrieve his phone, while he felt the driver, eyeing him with annoyance. Fumbling a little, he managed to find the right text from Jessie and the reservation she had made for them._

_“Manor Vail Lodge.”_

_“Good choice, Sir. It’s the best place to stay up here if you ask me.”_

_The man pulled out into traffic._

_“Yeah? Well, I wasn’t the one making the reservation so I’ve no idea but I’m not planning on spending that much time indoors.”_

_“The Mrs. made the reservation? Brave of you.”_

_“Hell, no. I’m not… We’re not…She’s a friend.”_

_Explaining his relationship to Jessie to strangers were always complicated and usually made him stumble over his own words. The driver eyed him with confusion and huffed but when Norman left it at that, the conversation slipped into the best slops._

I’m out, let me know when u get here and I’ll met u at the rental place. I left the key at the reception so just talk to them, they know u’re coming. Can’t wait to beat ur ass!  

_He got a text from Jessie at the same time as the taxi came to a stop outside the entrance of the hotel and he had one leg out the car door._

I just got here. Give me half an hour to just check in and change cloths

_He replayed quickly, said a fast thank you to the driver as he got his bag from the man, payed and hurried inside the building. He really just wanted to see her again. It had been too long. She had left for the west cost the week before Christmas and they hadn’t seen each other since. She had text him about booking a week in Vail and simply told him that she wanted him to join her and he had booked the first flight he could find. She could drive him insane like that. Not getting in touch with him for weeks and suddenly she just wants him to drop everything and come spend time with her. The most insane thing was that he did jus that. He just dropped everything to be with her. And he knew he would do it again._

_He hurried so much with getting into the room and change his cloths and put on a warmer jacket and his ski pants that he noticed he had put on his hat inside out as he stepped outside. He also noticed why it was such a pain to put on the glows as they were upside down. Taking a breath, he stopped for 2 seconds to fix it before rushing towards the direction he had been told to go by the staff in the reception. 22 minutes after stepping out of the cab, he found the rental place. But to his biggest disappointment, she wasn’t there._

_Once he was done and had his equipment, ready to ski, she still hadn’t shown up. He picked up his phone to call her but as the 5 signals came and went without answer, he cursed her name under his breath and put the phone away._

_“It’s a little early to curse me already, isn’t it? I rather you’d save it for tonight.”_

_He spun around, almost dropping everything in his arms to the ground as he moved too fast. She stood right behind him, holding on to her skis. If she hadn’t spoke, he would never have known it was her. The helmet and glasses made her look like everyone else running around in the sunny afternoon._

_“Hi!”_

_He cried out but quickly calculated that hugging and start to make out with her, was going to be damn near impossible with everything they were holding on to. She smiled and nodded her head to something behind him._

_“Ready?”_

_He turned his head and saw the lifts behind him._

_“Fuck, yeah.”_

_He said, still eyeing the lifts and the mountain behind it. He felt her hand on the side of his body and she nudge him a little._

_“Good.”_

_“But go easy on me, babe. It’s been a while and you’ve been cheating for a day now.”_

_“No worries, Norm. I’ll take care of you… By the way…”_

_She grabbed him by the elbow with her only free hand and made him stop._

_“What?”_

_“Happy birthday.”_

_She kissed him deeply, but quickly._

_“Thank you. Not such a bad place to spend my 42 nd birthday. Thank you for this. I love you.” _

_“I love you too.”_

_He was a little rusty but after an hour, he was able to keep up with her. And she did take it pretty easy to be honest. He had a feeling she had actually missed him as much as he had missed her this time around. She always made sure she was close to him and she laughed and joked so much with him that everything that had happened the year before, felt like a distant memory._

_As darkness fell and it started to get really cold, they escaped to the closest after ski for a quick drink before making their way back to the hotel. He rested his chin in one hand and watched her from behind at the bar. The guy beside her, tried to catch her attention but to his amusement, she gave him the cold shoulder. Any other day, she probably would’ve flirted right back but not on his birthday._

_“Hey.”_

_His daydreaming about this gorgeous human being that actually loved him, made him tune out everything else. So when someone suddenly touched his arm lightly and showed up in his personal space, he recoiled at once and blinked in confusion at the strange female, sitting down opposite him._

_“You seem like you’ve a lot on your mind. I’m usually very good at-“_

_“Yeah, he’s got me on his mind, bitch. Stretch your pretty little legs right now while you can still use’em.”_

_Norman bit the inside of his cheeks hard, so not to laugh out loud when Jessie showed up and snarled at the younger woman. For 2 terrifying seconds, it seemed the stranger actually considered giving a snide replay. After taking a closer look at his very own goddess, the stranger made the smart choice and moved out of the way as quickly as she possible could._

_“Or did you want some different company ton-“_

_He cut her of the moment she sat down, passing him one of the two hot drinks across the table. He wrapped both hands around hers and kissed her knuckles._

_“There’s no one on this fucking planet, I’d rather spend my time with, J.”_

_“Is that so? So you think we’d survive a week out here?”_

_“Hell yeah. And someone’s turning 30 in just a few days. We gotta celebrate big time, baby.”_

_He saw her drop her gaze to the table and the smile she had worn moments before, was all gone._

_“Ha... Let me guess, that’s why you’re here? To get away from celebrating it?”_

_“Yeah. Maya wants to throw a big party with… Just everyone and I… Can’t deal with it right now. I just can’t be in New York at the moment.”_

_“So we’ll be here. No strings, just fun and skiing, you and me.”_

_“Thank you… But I won’t be going easy on you tomorrow.”_

_“Fine.”_

_“And happy birthday again, baby.”_

_She leaned over and grabbed him by the neck and shoved him into a breathless kiss that took him by surprise. But at the corner of his eye, he could see the strange woman watching them and before he could stop her, Jessie raised her hand and flipped the woman off. He hissed her name through the kiss and grabbed her hand and pushed it back down on the table._

_\--------------------------------_

_“Since it’s still your birthday for a few more hours, you get to decide what we do for the rest of the night.”_

_Jessie returned from the small kitchen, after cleaning away their take away dinner, while he was getting the fireplace going. He spun around just as he got the fire burning and watched her walking over to the sofa and take a seat._

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_He got to his feet and looked at her for a moment. She bit her lip lightly and he knew what she wanted to do but he had other plans before they got to the sex._

_“I wanna talk.”_

_Her eyes widened in shock._

_“Seriously?”_

_“Yeah. Truth or dare, Jessie?”_

_The shock quickly got replaced with a huge grin as he slid down close to her and she turned to look at him._

_“Truth.”_

_“Do you ever picture a future with me?”_

_He was aware of the dangerous path he was treading but she was the one making this suggestion and he was going to take full advantage. She narrowed her eyes a little but to his slight surprise it was more out of confusion than anger. She even looked like she actually thought about what to answer him, instead of just give one of her usual replays._

_“It’s not you, it’s the whole thing with thinking about the future… I live my life a month at the time. Sometimes a week at the time. You know that and it’s always been like that and I get that… I know that it’s frustrating but since I lost my family, I can’t picture myself in any kind of future. With anyone. All I know now is that I don’t want to lose you. Ever. Period. But I can’t see myself still be with you 6 months from now. 6 years from now. It just doesn’t exist in my head. Losing them made me terrified of planning anything in life because I  know how fast everything can change.”_

_Her answer was a pleasant surprise. She had never taken her time to try to make him understand but now it made a little more sense to him. He had learned very early on that this was how she worked and he had loved how she never bothered to think about the future. But for the past couple of years it had gotten very frustrating indeed that she took this to the extreme. He could never count her to be where she said she would be. All of a sudden, she could just leave for the other side of the world for a week or two without any kind of notice._

_“It is kinda frustrating. I mean, I thought we had planned to celebrate the New Year with Mingus but than you just left for L.A. and… I get it, I think, it’s just that it would be nice to be able to make some kind of plans sometime. And it’s fucking weird that I’m the one saying that because I suck at planning anything.”_

_“I’ll try to think about it.”_

_“It doesn’t mean I don’t lo-“_

_“I know.”_

_She caught him off and reached out and kissed him. And he forgot all about the game he had just started. He grabbed her waist and lifted her into his lap and started a make out session that made his pants uncomfortable tight._

_“Truth or dare, Mr. Reedus?”_

_She managed to get the question on in between kisses and he grinned from ear to ear when he stopped to look at her, holding on to the back of her head._

_“Dare.”_

_“Take all your cloths off.”_

_He rose both eyebrows at her._

_“You want me to get naked?”_

_She nodded._

_“Then move, babe.”_

_“Nope.”_

_She challenged, a hint of laughter playing in her word. He smiled right back and took on the challenge at once. The shirt was no problem but as she was striding him, the pants became an issue. The fact that she was watching every little move he made, made the whole thing yet a little harder. He couldn’t really concentrate on the task when her eyes practically drooled for him to be finished. Finally, he grabbed her waist hard with both hands and tilted her onto her back on the sofa. She wasn’t making this easy on him though and she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist._

_“Your fucking little ninja.”_

_“What? Am I stopping you for something?”_

_“No.”_

_He growled and bit her earlobe lightly, making her moan. And as he continued with kisses down her throat, he could feel her grip loosen some and before she could realize what he was doing, he reached down and unbuckled his pants and wriggled them away from his body along with his underwear. And he thanked his lucky star that he had been too lazy to search for a pair of matching socks and simply gone barefoot._

_“Done.”_

_Once more he directed his mouth towards her ear and whispered the word before biting her again. He felt her smile._

_“Good job.”_

_“Thank you. How about you, Miss Hamilton? Truth or dare?”_

_“Dare me, Mr. Reedus.”_

_“Get on your feet and do what you do best?”_

_“Really? Do I have to be on my feet to blow you off?”_

_“Not a fucking blow job, J although you’re probably right about that. But I was preferring to the things you can do with the rest of your body.”_

_“Are you daring me to strip for you?”_

_“Hell yeah, I am.”_

_She grinned at him and put both hands on his shoulders. He laughed at her eagerness as she was on her feet in no time. He grabbed his phone and opened up Spotify to find something good for her to move to. Before he could find something through, the phone vanished from his hand._

_“I chose.”_

_She backed away from him and stepped onto the biggest open space she could find. He sat up and adjusted his growing erection a little, already panting slightly by excitement._

_“Ok, Miss bosslady what’ll you chose?”_

_“Something very appropriate right now. “Nasty, naught boy” by Christina Aguilera. Suits you pretty good at the moment.”_

_She licked her lips as she eyed his naked appearance and put the phone down on a small table to his right with the already starting song. The slow music started and her arms gracefully moved over her head but his eyes quickly darted towards her hypnotizing hips and ass. He couldn’t even tell how she did it but her cloths vanished one piece at the time._

_She still had her underwear on, but that was also all that she still had on, when he couldn’t keep it together anymore. He beckoned her over with both hands and she obliged, smirking with every step she took. Dropping to her knees in front of him, she opened her mouth and spoke to him._

_“Truth or dare, baby boy?”_

_“You’re fucking kidding, right?”_

_“You wanted to play, Norm.”_

_“Fucking blow me, Jessie! I dare you to suck my dick so fucki-Shit!”_

_He lost every train of thought the second she fulfilled his wish and grabbed him by the base and wrapped her mouth around his aching cock._

_“Oh my fucking God, baby!”_

_He entwined his finger in her hair and guided her up and down his craving manhood. He was so turned on and so on edge that it didn’t take him long to hit his climax. But then, he had to admit to himself that she was putting a lot of effort into making him cum too. And for once he didn’t care that he was a lot quicker than usual._

_Behind hazy eyes, he saw her grab the shirt he had worn, to clean herself up from his mess but still remained kneeling on the floor between his legs._

_“I love you. I love you so fucking much.”_

_He breathed out and fumbled out a hand to grab her. He found an upper arm and tugged her up into his lap once more. Eagerly, he searched for her lips and she responded at once and ran her hands through his hair._

_“I love you too.”_

_“Truth or dare?”_

_“Truth.”_

_She pulled away slowly when he asked the question, kissed him lightly one last time and placed her head on his chest and began to draw small circles in his chest hair._

_“Tell me about your ultimate wet dream.”_

_“Damn… Are up sure about that?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Well, ok… You would have to stay on the sideline though.”_

_“Really?”_

_“To begin with. I would like you to just watch while I get thoroughly worked over by someone else.”_

_“Someone? Or more than just one?”_

_“No, two other guys. Sean. And Andy.”_

_“What? Andy? Why? I thought you hated him.”_

_“I don’t hate Andy. We just don’t get along and maybe that’s why. There’s just something about him… I like a challenge.”_

_“So what would they do to you?”_

_He let his hands slide down her back and land on both checks where he squeezed hard. She gave up a small moan and moved her hips a little._

_“They would let me suck their cocks hard and long and I would watch you while I did it, cause I know it would drive you crazy.“_

_“It would.”_

_One hand traveled further down her ass and he let two fingers slide down her crack. She moved her hips a little bit more, probably without even thinking about it but it allowed him easier access._

_“But you would’ve to wait your turn.”_

_“What? You can’t handle 3 guys at the same time, bitch?”_

_He slipped 2 fingers inside her and just barley repressed a moan when he felt how wet and ready she was. Jessie gasped but smirked at him._

_“Oh, baby you should know better than that,”_

_She pushed her hips back and started to ride his fingers slowly._

_“Yeah, you wouldn’t go disappointing me now, would you, Jess? Since when have you ever turned down a challenge in the bedroom? 3 guys at the same time wouldn’t be a problem, right?”_

_“No but it’s still something incredible hot in having you just watch and once they’re done, it’s just you and me.”_

_“It’s just you and me right now.”_

_“And you can make me cum like no one else can.”_

_He added another finger and used his other hand and pushed his thumb into her ass at the same time as she started to move faster._


	18. Sex machine

The soft knock on the door came just as Jessie put on her Converse. Still bending over to tie them, she opened the door and Maya took a step inside.

“Hey.”

“Hi! You’re ready?”

Jessie stood and faced her friend, nodding. Both of them halted though as they saw each other and Maya took a step forwards and embraced her hard.

“How are you, sweetie?”

“I’m good. Hungry though.”

“Good. Me too. Did you sleep ok tonight?”

“Yeah. Got my 8 hours’ worth. So, where’re we going for breakfast?”

“This is your part of town, Jessie. You tell me. I’m like fucking Robinson Crusoe in China Town.”

Jessie chuckled and grabbed her jacket. Maya however stopped her and told her she didn’t need one. Apparently, she had been sweating her ass off getting there in the hot sun. Jessie took her friend’s advice and left the jacket behind and put on the closest cap she could find instead. Maya burst out laughing so hard she doubled over.

“What the fuck?”

“Really, J? You’re going to wear that hat?”

She rolled her eyes at her friend but decided to take it off to see which on she had actually manage to grab and why it had made Maya laugh so hard.

_This is not a cap, it’s a solar panel cover for a sex machine_

Jessie smirked as she recognized the hat but put it right back on and walked past Maya who were still laughing. She caught up to her at the elevator and Maya threw her arm out around her and pulled her close once more.

“I’ve missed you.”

They staggered into the elevator, still hugging and Jessie pressed the bottom.

“Me too.”

She said as they let go of each other at the same time. Jessie caught her reflection in the mirror at the back of the lift and she could see Maya looking at her too.

“You’ve never looked better, Jessie.”

At her friend’s words, Jessie looked down on the floor for a second but returned her gaze pretty quickly to eyeing herself. She knew Maya was right, she looked really good. But most of it was because she felt good. She felt extremely comfortable with her own body and the workout schedule Tim had put together for her, had made her a lot leaner and stronger.

“Can we go to Ground Zero after breakfast?”

“Of course.”

“It’s Jenny’s birthday today.”

“It is?”

“Yeah. She would’ve turned 38 today, May 15th 1979.”

She noticed as she said the words that she still smiled at the thought. She had found it in herself to let go of all the horrible memories and focus on the positive and happy memories instead. She had so many good memories of her older sister and she spent her breakfast date with Maya telling her about a lot of them. It was a gorgeous sunny day in New York and Jessie took them to a place in Little Italy with a small outdoor café.

“So… How’s your other half doing?”

Maya drank of her coffee when Jessie had talked herself horse about Jenny for the past half hour. Jessie looked over at her friend over her own cup of coffee and lowered it slowly to the table between them.

“As far as I know he’s doing good.”

“It’s so weird that you don’t talk to each other. Have you tried to call him at all?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You know why. We talked about this last week too, Maya.”

“It’s still so fucking weird.”

Jessie shrugged and smiled a little.

“Since when has it never been weird with us?”

“Touché. But it’s been 2 months… Well, not since you left but since it all… You know.”

“Yeah. But he has to be ready. Above all, 100 % sure he wants me to come back and that I’m ok.”

“And you telling him 10 000 over texts isn’t enough?”

“No.”

“So, what the hell will convince him.”

“He’ll know.”

“How?!”

Jessie actually started to laugh at her friend’s frustration but Maya simply glared at her and crossed her arms firmly over her chest.

“It’s our own little secret. But I think he’s getting there.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, for once he keeps texting me like 20 times a day just to see how I’m doing and where I am.”

“And he has posted a picture of you on his Instagram every day since he rejoined the cyber world.”

Jessie nodded at this statement.

“Yeah, that too.”

“I would like to be there when you guys get together again.”

Jessie choked on her bagel when Maya spoke. The confused frown on her face, made Jessie laugh even harder. Finally, she coughed herself into speech.

“Fucking hell no, you won’t be!”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because, hopefully, we’ll have an even crazier reunion than the once we’ve before after spending this much time apart.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning, I’m going to be climbing him like a fucking tree as soon as I see him again.”

“You’re really missing him, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, so fucking much. I know that’s pretty screwed up but I miss him more than Melodi.”

“No, Jess it’s not screwed up. She hasn’t been in your life as long as Norman has.”

“I love her so m-“

“You don’t have to explain, Jessie. I know you love your daughter. It has nothing to do with that. But with Norman it’s… I really don’t get it but it’s so much more with him than with anyone else. I mean, I’ve had a few boyfriends in my life but it’s never been like it’s for you. He’s not just your boyfriend, sorry, husband.”

“No, he really isn’t. He’s the reason I’m still alive.”

“Well, thank God for Norman Reedus, eh?”

“Yeah, and thank God you convinced me to go to a fucking birthday party I didn’t want to go to. I guess I should say thank you, huh?”

“You beat your ass you should.”

“Thank you, Maya. I love you.”

She reached across the table for a moment and grasped her hand in both of hers.

“Love you too, Jess.”

She stated to notice the first couple of paparazzi as they were only blocks away from Ground Zero. They kept their distance however and she knew she had Tim and Stacy to thank for that. Even though either of the men were nowhere near her, they had stroke enough fear in the countries paparazzi with their threats, that most kept a safe distance.

They looked up at the One World Trade Center together and stopped their steps for just a moment. Jessie had always gotten extremely mixed emotions by visiting the site where her family had lost their lives. This was where she felt closest to them in so many ways at the same time as it was her worst nightmare to visit the place. So it had been at least. Now, as she stepped into the memorial grounds, she felt strangely calm. Holding Maya’s hand, they walked around the two monuments once before ending up at the second one and the section where all the names of her family were listed.

She leaned over the dark stone and allowed her fingers to linger on her son’s name. _Jacob José Hamilton._ Under his name were her parents name and to his right Josh and Jenny’s names were carved. She graced them one by one carefully, before placing a bouquet of sunflowers above them.

“Jessie?”

A careful hand graced her shoulder as that same someone spoke her name. A tall Hispanic man was standing behind her as she turned around.

“Joel?”

The boy she had once known half a life ago wasn’t a boy anymore. Josh’s little brother had only been 15 when 9/11 tore apart his family and she had only seen him once since they had all been forced together by some government folk who thought it would help to bring all the relatives together. It hadn’t been a good idea at all. Joel had been furious at everything and everyone and just wanted to join the army as soon as he could and go murder ‘the motherfucking terrorist.’ She had barley been conscious at all but she remembered Joel. Even though they had been 8 years apart, they looked so much alike that Jessie had no problem imagine that this was what like Josh would’ve looked like today. Josh might have had some more grey hairs though.

As she took her time to really look at the younger copy of the brother’s, she felt her bad conscience kicking her in the ass just a little bit. She had been so consumed by her own grief and loose that she hadn’t even once speared him and the rest of Josh family, a thought. His round, warm brown eyes smiled however at her and once the shock of seeing him again had passed, they hugged. He had grown to be the exact same height as his big brother and had even taken to have the same shoulder length haircut.

Next things she noticed was his uniform.

“Or is it Captain?”

She looked closer at his navy-blue uniform and all the insignias on his chest.

“US Navy commander at your service, ma’am. As of last week.”

He bowed his head at her.

“That’s awesome. Congratulations.”

“Thank you… How are you, Jessie?”

“I’m good, I’m really good… What brings you here?”

“I manage to came in a little early for Fleet Week to get some time with my family… And before you say it, don’t feel bad about not keeping in touch. It’s not like we did either.”

She swallowed the apology she had just been about to give him and instead she gave him a small smile and nodded.

“How’s your family?”

“They’re good. Mom and dad lives in the Hamptons now. We moved out of the city pretty quickly after it happened.”

“Do you have a moment…?”

She wanted to know everything about him and his family and although she knew, she could never make up for all the years of not keeping in touch, it might be a start to show him that she had actually cared about them once.

“Absolutely. Let’s sit down.”

He gestured to a park bench just behind her and she turned and started walking at once. She stopped however after just a few steps and looked around for Maya. She found her a little way away from her. Maya signed that she would go get something to drink but she knew it was really her way of letting Jessie be alone. She gave her best friend the thumbs up and continued to the bench where the handsome commander had already taken a seat.

“I didn’t get in the middle of something, did I?”

“No, not at all. Besides, I was the one asking you to stay, right?”

“Right… It’s your sister’s birthday today.”

Together they watched the monument in front of them and Jessie nodded at his statement. He reached out and took her hand and she let him.

“Do you come here often?”

“Whenever I’m home, so no, I guess… A few times a year. But I guess it’s the same for you nowadays as you spend half your time out of the state.”

“We still have a place in Chinatown… Well, it’s Norman’s.”

She hesitated a little when she said his name. Mostly because she wasn’t sure what the man felt about her new lifestyle. She had only known Joel for a little more than 2 years but it had been a pretty intense period with a lot of changes for all of them. The two brothers had been pretty close but very different due to the age gap.

“Yeah, your zombie hunting husband are doing pretty well for himself, isn’t he…? But then, I guess you’re too?”

“It has had its ups and downs.”

“Yeah… It’s good that you managed to move on. It’s a good thing. And he would’ve wanted you to.”

“I know. But he would never have approved of Norman.”

Joel laughed out loud and shook his head at her.

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“What about you? I know it’s hard to have a family as a military man but-“

“I’ve a boyfriend, going on 4 years now. He lives here but travels a lot too. And… And we’re going to get married next month.”

“That’s great! Congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”

She felt her whole face lite up in a genuine smile and she turned to embrace him once more. He smiled just as hugely back and thanked her.

“What happened, Jessie? After the birth of your daughter?”

“Everything just crumbled around me. It got so real all over again when she came into the world. It was fine at first, then…”

“Then you tried to kill yourself again.”

He turned her hand over in his own hand and a finger traced the cut on her wrist.

“Yes. It was a pretty bad attempt compared to the first time but still… It’s not easy.”

“Of course not. I still have my parents but for you, it’s… The pain doesn’t go away.”

“No, you just make room for it. Or try to make room for it to make everything else work somewhat normal.”

“But you’re ok now?”

“Yes. It has taken like 250 000 hours of therapy, but yes I’m ok and I’m glad I’ve her. I’m glad she’s my daughter and that Jacob finally got a little sister. I’m going to let her know about him. And Josh. They’re part of our family.”

“Maybe we could try to keep in touch?”

“I’d like that.”

“And just so you know, I’m not here because of… Well, you know, you and him. Although, I cried like a little kid for hours when Daryl died. Damn, I think you had the whole fucking nation baling their eyes out.”

“Yeah, I’ve lot of online reading to catch up to.”

“You really shouldn’t bother. Focus on your family, Jessie.”

“I am.”

“Good.”  

“Would you like to see her?”

She freed her hand and produced her phone from the pocket of her jeans. His wordless nod made her search for the latest photo Norman had sent her. It was from the morning before when they had been cuddling in bed.

“Oh my God, look at that beauty!”

He called out and grabbed the hand with the phone and pulled it closer to his eyes. Proud made her heat swell everytime someone commented on their daughter.

“She has Jacob’s eyes. Or your eyes really but she looks a lot like her big brother. Both of her big brothers.”

“You’ve seen Mingus?”

“To be honest, I follow your husbands Instagram. And yours too. Here…”

He took her phone and typed in his number and saved his information before handing it back to her.

“Text me, call me, whatever. Sometimes it takes a day or two for me to get back in touch. You know, the sea and ships and sailors.”

“Of course.”

“I will let you go back to your family. I’m glad I got to see you again, Jessie and to see that you’re doing well for yourself.”

“You too, Joel. I know you don’t need to hear it from me, I’m sure your parents have said it already, but Josh would be very proud of you.”

“I know.”

He got to his feet, took her hand and kissed it.

“It was really good to see you again and give my best to your folks. Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Mrs. Reedus.”

She watched him with a smile on her lips until she could no longer see him and he got lost in the crowed of hundred. After losing him, she turned her head back to the monument, put her sunglasses on and she saw her family standing right there in front of her. They were not burning anymore but smiling peacefully at her, Jacob resting in Jenny’s arms and giving the same huge dimple smile he had had the very last time she had seen him alive.

                                            ---------------------------------

_Bask in the glory of all our problems, cause we got the kind of love it takes to solve’em_

“Ok, bud you gotta explain this shit to me. What the hell does this mean?”

Jeffrey spoke without looking up from his phone, meaning he missed Norman’s amused smirk as he walked past behind him and took a seat beside him on the porch in the late evening. He handed Jeffrey another beer and moved the other empty bottle aside. Before he could give a response however, Jeffrey continued.

“And by the way… I knew you had a gorgeous wife but damn, man she’s incredible photogenic. How the hell you get through taking pictures of her is quiet the achievement. Especially this.”

He picked his own phone back up and marveled over his only minutes old Instagram post. The black and white photo of Jessie was probably 5 or 6 years old and they had been playing around in a friend’s photo studio. One thing had led to the other like they usually did and she had gotten completely nude and he had taken silhouetted pictures of her.

“I don’t.”

“You don’t what?”

His friend seemed a little lost in the pictures of his naked wife and it took him a second to follow the conversation.

“I don’t get through it.”

He said, winking as Jeffrey finally tore his gaze away from the screen.

“I don’t blame you, dude. She’s hot!”

“How’s hot?”

They both turned when they heard Andy approach from the backyard. As usual, Andy had been the last one to leave for the day and showed up half an hour after the other two had joined forces at Norman’s house.

“About time, the dinner is getting cold. There’s a plate for you in the kitchen.”

Andy stopped as he took the final step up on the porch and turned to look at him. He tilted his head a little and gave a small chuckle.

“Aww. Thank you, honey.”

Norman flipped him off with both hands but Andy simply shook his head in amusement and headed inside the house. Jeffrey wasn’t ready to drop his question though and asked again what the words to his Instagram posts meant.

“Like yesterday… _You give’em hell because you must. It’s a long hard road we’re walking because this battle chose us._ What the hell does that mean? And this from the other week: _Forever trusting who we are._ What’s up with-“

“It’s song lyrics… Right?”

Andy came back out, eating from the plate of fish already before he sat down opposite the other two. Norman watched his 2 friends as they looked at each other.

“Really?”

Jeffrey asked and they turned as one to him. He nodded and drank of his beer.

“Yeah, they’re song lyrics.”

Norman glazed over at Andy and was fairly impressed that he had figured it out. Jeffrey took to his phone again and probably looked through the last couple of posts again.

“Why…?”

“When we first met and things were…Dif-“

“Fucked up.”

Andy interrupted him

“Shut up…! Anyway, back in the day she was hopeless when it came to communication. I mean, she was fucking terrible at talking to me so she would text me song lyrics to try to tell me what she felt or just to apologize.”

“That’s what she doing now? With the Youtube videos?”

“Something like that. If you listen to the songs she dances to you will understand a little bit about how she’s doing.”

“That’s what you’re waiting for, isn’t it?”

Andy looked like all the questions in the world had finally be answered for him when Norman turned to look at him. He winked at his friend with a smirk on his face, making Andy start laughing.

“I don’t follow. What’re you waiting for?”

“It’s not enough for her tell me she’s ok, she has to show me that she’s ok, more than ok.”

“And how will you know that if you don’t see her?”

“Well, that’s our little secret.”

His older friend’s protest got drowned in a low fussing coming from the baby monitor in the middle of the table. Melodi was awake again and he gave small sigh before getting to his feet and headed inside. For the past 3 nights she had had trouble sleeping and kept walking up crying every other hour. The only thing that helped was to let her sleep on him and although it was one of the best things in the world, having her close, it meant he slept pretty uneasy out of fear of rolling over her.

Today had been an extremely long day though and she had barley gotten any alone time with her father at all, so he couldn’t really blame her for waking up after he put her to sleep an hour earlier. The production of season 8 were at the end of its 3 weeks and he had been working for 9 days in a row and it wasn’t just affecting him. Melodi wasn’t so keen on the idea of leaving home in the morning anymore and he had had put his foot down this morning. It was Thursday and he wouldn’t be back for work until Monday and he wasn’t planning on doing a damn thing expect spoiling Melodi with love.

He opened the door to the bedroom and noticed at once why she had woken up and was fussing. He knew he had left her on her back in bed and build a barrier around her with a few pillows as she had outgrown her nest. Now she was stuck on her belly, half hidden under one of the pillows.

“What’re you doing, silly?”

She gave up a frustrated cry and tried to turn around to her back but got nowhere. He hurried over to the bed and picked her up. Her frustration was all gone as soon as he placed her on his arm and looked at her. She looked right back and smiled at him and all the thought of trying to put her back to sleep were all gone. Instead he took her out of the room, grabbed a blanket he found in the kitchen and headed back out on the porch. The evening was still a bit chilly for a tinny human being like her.

“Yeah, the strict policy of putting her straight back to sleep is going really well, I see.”

Norman ignored Andy’s comment and rolled his eyes at both of them as they snigger at him. He returned to his seat and tried to put the girl on his chest but she was not at all interested in being left out of the conversation. Finally, he gave up and turn her around to face her uncles. She started to jump in his lap when Jeffrey leaned close to her and took her hand.

“Sleep is overrated, isn’t it, sweet angel girl?”

He reached out for her and Norman handed her over.

“I think she’s teething.”

“Already? What is she? 3 months?”

“4 months.”

Norman corrected Jeffrey. The later looked over the little head of the girl at him with raised eyebrows.

“Really? She’s 4 months already? How the hell did that happen?”

“I’ve no clue.”

“What’s going to happen when Jessie comes back?”

Andy had finished his food and put the empty plate on the table in front of him and stirred the conversation into something a lot more serious. Jeffrey however seemed not to keen on joining in that conversation although Norman could tell he was listening intently while playing with Melodi.

“Hopefully nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing? Everything has changed.”

“Not what I feel for her.”

“And do you honestly think that’s going to be enough this time? That you love each other?”

“I hope so…Look, I know you’re pissed at her. I’m pissed too but we’re going to have to find a way to put all that aside when she comes home. I just want to forget about these 2 months and move forward.”

“You can do that?”

“If she’s ok, absolutely. I own her that.”

“You know it’s not your fault.”

“I know. I’ve talked to the shrink too, you know.”

“Yeah but still… I just don’t see how you can pick up where you left off, just like that.”

“Really, Andy? You if anyone should know what we’re capable of.”

“But this is worse than anything else that you’ve put each other through. This goes so fucking beyond everything else, Norman.”

“Does it really?”

“Yes!”

“The only thing that’s different this time, is her.”

Norman pointed his bottle towards his daughter, who were jumping in Jeffrey’s lap.

“She tried to kill herself!”

“She has done that before. Remember that bike ride that nearly got her gunned down by the cops?”

“But this was so… She cut her fucking wrist….! And why the hell am I the one being so fucking upset and you the one trying to reason and comfort me?! It should be the other way around!”

Andy was indeed sitting there, exploding with emotions and having tears in his eyes and although Norman managed to chuckle a little it made him more emotional too. Before he could replay however, Jeffrey got to his feet and stretched out his arms with the baby girl in them towards Andy. Puzzled, he looked around the child at the taller man.

“Here, you seem to need a cuddle right now and she’s pretty good at it. And if you need a sure way of knowing things are going to work out, take a look at that beautiful face.”

Andy accepted the child and after hugging her tightly, he actually took a deep breath and wiped his wet eyes with the back of his hand.

“Sorry, it’s… It’s been…A long week.”  

“No reason to explain or apologize here, Andy.”

“No, man. I get it. It’s been rough.”

Andy laughed and hugged Melodi closer to his chest. She laughed too when he snuggled his head close to her and made his hair tickle her. She tried to grab it but had not yet managed to coordinate her movements that well. Instead she managed to knock her head into his and she gave up a cry of surprise. Andy quickly calmed her down however and she settled in under his chin as she always did with her father.

“She really is great at cuddles.”

“I’ve taught her well.”

“I miss your mom, Melodi.”

Andy kissed the little girls head and it made Norman’s heart swell to twice its size. Who would’ve thought Andy would get this attached to his wife after all this time? They had been like cat and dog in the beginning, always fighting and hating on each other. Now he really wanted to put his best friends out of his misery and just call Jessie and ask her to come home. He got closer to the moment every day that he felt that would be able to bring her home. He grew more confident that she was doing ok with every little text she sent him and every social media post he found of her. 3 days prior she had been caught at Ground Zero by the paparazzi for the first time and seeing her being there and actually smile was such a relief it had made him tear up when he watched the pictures. Andy had gotten pissed when he saw her holding hands with a stranger but it hadn’t bothered him at all. He knew who the stranger was although he had never met him and when he had showed Andy a picture of Josh and explained who the man was, Andy had apologized quickly and felt really bad.

The tabloids had of course had a field day with the pictures and the rumors about Melodi not being his had resurfaced once more. He ignored them like all the other insane things people said about her and about them. He knew they would’ve to come clean and explain everything at some point but before that could happen, she needed to come home first.

Melodi was still asleep when he woke up Friday morning. She had fallen asleep way later than usual the night before and would probably be asleep for a little while longer. So he took the opportunity to take a shower for as long as he possible could. As he stepped in under the hot stream of water, Jessie’s face came into sharp focus. He turned his face up and felt the muscles in his back relax by the warm water and he moaned quietly to himself.

_“God damnit, Jessie! Andy is outside the fucking door waiting for me!”_

_He watched her through the mirror as she came storming into the bathroom, closed and locked the door behind her and walked right up to him and wrapped her arms around his naked waist. He dropped the razor into the basin as her hand grazed his dick._

_“Let’s be quick then.”_

_She replayed and kissed him between his shoulder blades. He wanted to protest, saying they didn’t have the time, they had to go to set but he simply moaned as she made him turn around to face her. She was on her knees before he had fully turned and he dropped his gaze to watch her. Feeling his dick grow in her hot mouth was one of the best feelings in the world and she was so quick at getting him to fullest size._

_The absolute best feeling in the world was to watch her when she made him cum and her eyes sparkled with proud at her work. The cum trickling down her chin as she licked her lips and a begging look in her eyes for more made him lose it everytime._

_He reached down and tugged her to her feet, kissed her deeply and grabbed her by the ass with both hands. Quickly he spun them back around and he placed her on the basin and wasted no time before ripping the bikini from her body. He dropped to his own knees and spread her thighs wide apart. Her pussy was already dripping with arousal and he drew a deep breath of her intoxicating smell before attacking her. She cried out and grabbed him by the hair and held him tightly as his tongue explored his pussy._

He had so many memories of them fucking in this bathroom that he was surprised he was able to linger on one memory in particular. But the even more surprising thing was his reaction to it. The image of Jessie being on her knees in front of him and sucking his erection like no one else could had felt so real that he simply had to touch himself once before he cum so hard his legs began to shake. He pressed his lips together but the moan was still loud enough that it echoed a little in the small space. He supported himself with one hand on the wall and let his forehead drop to it was well as he let the incredible high feeling fill him up completely.

He woke from him minutes long escape from the real world by his phone buzzing on the basin twice. He turned of the water and stepped out and shivered when the colder air hit his body. Quickly he dried himself and moaned softly when reaching his privates and still feeling extremely sensitive from his unexpected climax. Wrapping the towel around his waist he grabbed the phone, saw 2 text messages from Tim and opened them up at the same time as he made his way out of the bathroom and into the closet. Melodi was still in the same exact position as he had left her in, still snoozing away.

He closed the closet door behind him and turned on the lights and turned his attention to the phone in his hand.

_I finally have proof your wife is from another planet_

Confused but even more curious, he opened up the video file Tim had sent him. She was probably not aware of him filming her as it looked like Tim was hiding a little in the doorway to the studio in the house. Maya and Jessie were dancing, or something similar, in there. The first video blasted out Pink’s _Please don’t leave me_ while the two women goofed around the dancefloor like 2 maniacs. He could hear them both laugh. The next video was pretty similar but a little more organized and the two friends were standing in front of the mirrors and actually tried to make it through the chorography to _Happy._ With pretty poor results though as they were still acting like 2 giggling school girls.

Once he had watched the videos twice he searched for the right number and pressed dial before he could give it a second thought.

“It’s not even 7 in the morning yet, dude.”

“Sorry, Cookie, did I wake you up?”

“Don’t worry about it. What’s up?”   

“Are you up for a trip to New York to bring Jessie home?”


	19. Parasites

“Mom, I’m taking Kuma out for a walk!”

Mingus called out for her mother from the hallway as he pulled on his shoes while having the dog jumping around him.

“Ok, great. Could you pick up some dinner on the way home?”

“Sure. What do you want?”

His mother showed up in the doorway to her bedroom and leaned against the doorway and looked at him.

“You chose, baby.”

“Alright.”

He turned towards the front door and opened it but froze in the middle of a step as his way was blocked by his father and little sister standing right outside the door. His father’s arm was raised and he had probably just been about to knock on the door.

“On second thought, it will have to wait.”

He called back into the apartment. As Melodi, head his voice she gave up a happy shrike and move in her father’s arms towards her brother instead.

“What’s that?”

He heard her mother approach from behind as he reached out for Melodi and the two of them moved into the hallway. She halted however just like he had done.

“Norman!”

She called out his name and hurried over to hug him.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I know it’s pretty short notice and all but could you take Melodi for a few hours?”

Mingus was already straight back in big brother mood and wouldn’t have let go of his little sister even if being asked to and shouted out a ‘yes’ before his father had finished his sentence. Both of his parents turned to look at him and chuckled.

“I guess we can.”

“But only if you’re going to see Jessie.”

Mingus added, narrowing his eyes at his dad just a little.

“I am.”

“Good. Than take all the time you need. She’s in the apartment.”

“I know. I texted Tim when I landed.”

“Does she know you’re coming?”

“No.”

Norman grinned at Helena.

“She can stay the night, dad. You probably need some alone time with Jessie.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Don’t rush. You’ve a lot to sort out after all this time.”

He saw his dad hesitate at first but as they kept looking at each other for almost a whole minute and Mingus didn’t back down, Norman finally nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I’ve missed you, sweetheart. How are you doing? You’re getting so big.”

Mingus took his sister into the apartment and let his parents solve all the practical while he focused on his little sister. 5 minutes of conversation in the hallway, his dad came up to him where he was seated on the couch with Melodi bouncing in his lap. He bent and kissed both their heads.

“I love you both. Thank you, Mingus.”

“I love you too, dad. See you tomorrow.”

“Call me if she… She’s not sleeping that well right now so call me if you need me to come and get her.”

“We’ll be fine, dad.”

“I know but call me.”

“Yeah, I’ll call you. I promise. Go get… Cozy with your wife.”

“Shut up!”

Mingus darted out of the way from the blow to the back of his head that his dad tried to deliver. Mingus simply chuckled but so did his father as he turned and left the apartment.

“So how do you wanna do this?”

Stacy asked when they were only blocks away from his destination.

“Just drop me off and I’ll call you when I need you. It will probably be tomorrow morning. Tim’s-“

“I know where he is, I’ll just get together with him for the rest of the evening and whenever you guys are ready to leave tomorrow, just give us a call. But please, for your own safety, man, don’t-“

“Fuck no. Don’t worry about it, I’m not heading outside any time soon without you guys. Especially since the fucking paparazzi have the damn place under 24/7 surveillance.”

Norman said, cursing the entire tabloid industry quietly inside his head. He had been followed from the time he put his foot on the airport in Atlanta, through landing on Newark and driving into Manhattan. 

“I can drop you of at the back.”

Stacy said as the drove past the entrance to their complex and they spotted several photographers on the other side of the street.

“Yeah, thanks….”

His driver and friend continued past the crowed and made a turn at the first chance he got. He hesitated for a moment when the car came to a standstill.

“Go to her, Norman.”

He saw, at the corner of his eye, the man turning around in the driver seat and look at him. Norman kept his gaze fixed on the back entrance of the apartment complex but he still reached out and placed his palm to Stacy’s shoulder at the same time as he opened the door.

“Thanks for still being here, man.”

“Of course.”

“It’s going to be fucking insane after this. For a while it’s going to be… Fucked up.”

“It has always been insane, dude.”

“Yeah, but this is-“

“I know. I know it’s going to be insane but I can handle it.”

“I know you can. But still, thank you for not bailing on me.”

He squeezed the man’s shoulder once and Stacy nodded at him. Then he took a deep breath and left the car and took the few steps outside in the pouring rain. It was only 3-4 steps but it was enough for him to feel like a drench cat. He shook his head once inside and the water splashed all around him.

Once in the elevator he lost his nerve again. He had done the same thing 3 times already. First when being half way to the airport in Atlanta, then again when they were on the actually plane and then when he had stepped out of the car outside Helena’s apartment. Each time Stacy had reminded him why he was there and he had ignored the butterflies in his stomach that made him want to puke. He had no reason to be this nervous, he knew that. Still that was exactly what he was. He was terrified about the possibility of not having the same feelings for her as he had had before she crashed and burned. And that she had lost his love for him somehow in the chaos that had been her own mind the past months. But the only way to find out was to see her again. So after staring at the bottom to the right floor for a whole minute, he finally pressed it and the lift started to move at once.

A lot faster than he needed, the doors opened again and he was supposed to step out. His feet were stuck to the ground however and the doors closed on him before he could move. He pushed the right bottom to make the doors open again and this time he managed to lift his feet, one at the time, and move out of the lift. He turned to his left and fumbled with the keys in his pocket. Once he was outside the door and pulled the keys out of his pocket, he dropped them to the floor. In a hurry, he bent, picked them up, unlocked the door and stepped inside before he could change his mind.

Music was playing on low volume and he could hear her singing stop as she probably caught the door opening and closing.

“Mingus?”

He heard her ask as she came around the corner from the kitchen to the hallway and they came face to face at once. Although it was with almost 15 feet of open floorspace between them. He dropped the keys to the floor and she dropped the towel in her hand as their eyes met and he held his breath for 5 solid heartbeats before launching himself at her. And she moved at the exact time as he did and they collided with hands and lips hard enough to knock the breath out of each other.

He was crying and laughing at the same time and got so overwhelmed with the strong emotions he felt for her, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. But it seemed she had the exact same reaction and whenever they got this emotional, they started to tare cloths of each other to be able to get even closer. Feeling her skin to his and finally being able to be inside her was the only thing that mattered. It was the only cure for both of them and fast than should be possible, they were tumbling on the floor naked.

She grabbed his face with both hands when he slipped inside her and it felt like time stopped right there and then. And he never wanted it to start again. He wanted to stay right there, inside her and staring into her eyes, for the rest of his life. She wanted to say something but nothing came out when he started to move inside her. Instead, her eyes rolled to the back of their sockets and she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him even closer. Although he wanted to and tried to make the moment last by going slow on her, he couldn’t keep it under control any longer when she came hard, dug her nails into his back and moaned his name loudly. He reached down and grabbed her hip hard in one hand and made her turn around to her hands and knees. He set a quick and hard pace from behind and entwined one hand in her long hair and held on tight. And her orgasm kept going or maybe he made her cum again, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that it made him climax even more violently than he had this morning and his eyes blackened for a moment by the intensity.

He felt her tug at his arm and he collapsed back onto the floor and she crawled into his arms, placing her head on his beating chest and tangled their legs together as tightly as possible. She closed every inch of space between them and he felt her carefully kisses on his body but he couldn’t focus his eyes on her just yet.

They laid on the hard floor wrapped in each other arms for so long he lost track of time. Finally, Jessie started to move a little in his arms and he opened her eyes when he felt her place her body above his. He watched her as she leaned in and kissed him gently.

“I love you.”

“I love you too… I had a dream about you this morning. Or it was more like a memory really.”

“And what was the dream about?”

“Well, let’s just say it was a very pleasant shower that made my legs shake.”

“Really?”

“Aha.”

“How about I try to make your legs shake again?”

She said as she let one hand carefully graze the side of his body on its way further south. He couldn’t find it in him to say anything but he pushed himself up on his elbows to be able to watch her. She took her time to touch and kiss his torso and stomach very thoroughly before reaching her final destination.

It was after midnight and more than 5 hours after he had arrived, that she found herself lying on his arm in bed and finally being ready to try to talk to him and him to her. It had always been like this and she was beyond amazed and thankful that they could still have their insane physical reunions, where either of them had the slightest need for anything else but simply being as close as possible to each other. Words were not needed, or wanted for that matter, before they had taken care of their physical desires.

“So, what now?”

To her surprise, Norman didn’t answer her. He moved her arm over his chest out of the way and got to his feet. She tried to protest but the confusion made the words stuck in her throat. He walked out of the bedroom but was back within a minute, carrying his jeans and searching for something in the pockets. Finally it seemed he found what he was looking for and he smiled at her before crawling back into bed and kneeled in front of her with his hands outstretched towards her.

“Now you come back home.”

She watched her wedding ring in the palm of his hand for a moment and a part of her almost waited for him to change his mind, close his hand around the ring and get up and leave. He seemed to think she was taking too long though and grabbed her hand and slipped the jewelry back onto her finger and kissed her knuckles.

“Are you sure about this?”

The question came out with the slightest tremble in her voice and she dropped her gaze to her lap. Next thing she knew she was being thrown down on her back and he attacked her mouth with his at the same time as he forced her arms up over her head.

“Wanna rephrase that question, Mrs. Reedus?”

He snarled the words at her and she gaped for half a second before finding his playful eyes. She caught on at once and bit her lip, trying to look innocent.

“I’m sorry, Sir. Are you going to punish me?”

“Yes.”

He growled at her and began to kiss her so hard and deep, she had trouble catching her breath in between. Her hands were suddenly tied together with his belt above her head and he bit down hard on the side of her neck.

“Fuck!”

“You’re mien! All mien, Jessie and I’m not letting you go ever again.”

Two fingers found their way inside her and he pushed them hard and long inside her and she gasped out a loud ‘yes’.

“I’m all yours.  Fuck, baby, just yours. Always!”

His bites and kisses continued down her body, stopped for a long time at her boobs and hips, before finally joining his fingers deep inside her. And he didn’t stop. Once she came he simply let her recover for a minute at the most before starting over again.

“Fucking hell, babe fuck me already!”

He reached up towards her the second she called out and he grabbed her by the throat and made her look at him.

“Now that’s not a very polite way of asking, baby is it?”

“Please, baby. Please let me feel you inside me again. I need you inside me, Norman. I need you to make me cum.”

He realized her and got to his knees between her legs.

“Are you sure you can handle another one?”

He played with the top of his dick at her entrance and she was tried to move her hips to make him slip inside her but he simply smirked at her and moved away, shaking his head at her. And she was done being the submissive for the time being. As he leaned forwards again, she moved fast, wrapped her tied arms around his neck and his legs around his waist and wrestled him to his back. He tried to get the upper hand back but as she moved her hips back and he slipped inside her, he stopped struggling at once. She placed both hands on his chest and scratched him hard as started to raise slowly up and down his erection.

“Are you sure you can handle it, Mr. Reedus?”

“I guess you gotta find out.”

He moved all of a sudden and sat up, took her arms and wrapped them around his neck once more and grabbing her hips, he helped her move around him. Not once did they take their eyes off each other. They climaxed together, breathing out their moaned inches away from each other.

The slightest movement, as he was still inside her pulsating pussy, made her wince and she heard Norman giggle quietly. She tried to hit him but it made her move even more and she gave up. She simply dropped her head to his shoulder and tried to recover. Her eyes were hazy and not really able to focus on anything just yet but she felt how he reached around and untied her hands. He grabbed her wrists and tore her arms away from him and gently laid her down and slipped out of her, making both of them moan. She closed her eyes to the spinning room around her and let the incredible feeling of calm fill every pore of her body. 

“Fucking shit, baby… That was fucking insane.”

“Yeah…”

He replayed and she felt him move beside her. A big hand landed on her lower stomach and he placed his head on her chest after kissing her under her breast.

“Your heart is beating so fast.”

He said softly and stated to draw small circles on her stomach with the tips of his fingers. She shivered by the touch but it made her head a little clearer. Her hand fumbled a little but she found his hair and softly stated to ran it through her fingers. She heard him sigh and once again he kissed her. Several minutes of silence passed and when she opened her eyes once more, the room had stopped spinning and she glanced down at the man on her chest. The feelings of affection and gratitude towards the man, overwhelmed her and she felt tears start to fall down her face. At the first sob, he hastily lifted his head to look at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”

She said, smiling through the tears and the alarm in his eyes were gone the same second, she spoke. He smiled back and leaned in to kiss her.

“No, nothing’s wrong anymore. Everything’s alright now.”

“Yeah. I just wasn’t sure we would be able to get to this point again.”

“Me neither.”

He confessed and laid back down on her chest and she replaced her hand in his hair.

“I love you, Norman Reedus.”

“I love you, Jessie Reedus.”

“How’s Melodi?”

“She’s with Mingus.”

“Yeah, I figured. How’s she doing?”

“She’s doing good. She misses you though.”

“How do you know that? Maybe she doesn’t remember me at all? What if she doesn’t want me to come home?”

She ranted out her worries in a hurry and the tears started to fall once more. Norman caught her off quickly by putting his hand over her mouth without lifting his head.

“Shut up and listen for a second. She’s a fucking pain in the ass at night and the only thing that works is to put her in front of the TV, turn on your Youtube videos and let her fall asleep to the sound of your voice. She hasn’t forgotten about you, Jessie. How the hell could she? No one ever forgets about you.”

“But it’s been 2 months. Like half her life.”

“Look, I’m not saying its going to be a walk in the park but our daughter loves you, Jessie. And she needs you. It will probably take some time for her to get use to you being back but she does misses you. And she really was daddy’s girl from the start anyway.”

“Thank you for being the best father she could ever ask for.”

She felt him smile and lifted his head to look at her, resting his chin between her breasts. She put her hand on his face and caressed him gently.

“Thank you for bringing her into the world.”

“Well, you kinda helped with that part too. She’s half you.”

“I guess I did.”

“I miss her. So much.”

“I can call Mingus if you’d like.”

“No, not tonight. Tomorrow. I need to be with you right now. Just us.”

“Good, me too. How about a shower, Mrs. Reedus?”

“A shower sounds like a really good idea. And then some food after that.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

                                            -----------------------------

_Mom and I are taking Melodi out to the house. Don’t rush, she’s doing good_

Norman had a text from his son when he woke up by the sound of the rain pounding the windows. He read the text and put the phone back and rolled over to his other side to find Jessie on her stomach. She smiled but didn’t open her eyes when he leaned in and kissed her nose.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning. I got a text from Mingus. They’re going out to the house.”

“Ok. I guess I should text Tim then. I need to see her, Norman.”

She opened her eyes and found his at once. He nodded and stroke her cheek.

“Yeah, of course. Could we have some breakfast first though? Or do you want to take it to go and eat in the car?”

“No. We don’t have to rush.”

“Good.”

“Yeah? Why is that?”

She smirked and pushed herself up on the elbows. He grabbed her at once and turned her around and placed his body over hers. She gasped by the sudden changing of position but it quickly turned into a soft moan as he pushed his pelvis into hers.

“Because I can’t get enough of you.”

He placed her head between his hands and swiped away her tangled morning hair from her face. He drowned in her eyes and got so lost in the love he felt for her and the love she gave him back by simply looking back at him.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

“So are you.”

She replayed as he slipped inside her for what time in the past 12 + hours, he had no idea and little did he care. Just that it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough for either of them.

**\---------------------------------**

“Mrs. Reedus.”

Stacy bowed his head in Jessie direction when he stepped into the apartment, Tim behind him and found the two of them walking towards him.

“Come on, Cookie it’s still me.”

The woman smiled at him and walked straight up to him and hugged him.

“Thank the Lord for that.”

He held on to her for a second longer and pressed his lips to her hair, making Jessie giggle quietly.

“It’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Jess. How are you, hon?”

“Good. I’m really good. But please just take me to my daughter now.”

“With pleasure.”

“A warning though, there’re a herd of parasitize waiting outside.”

Tim added as Jessie slipped her feet into her sneakers without using one of her hands. He saw Norman shake his head at his wife like so many times before. When she was done, everyone looked at her.

“What?”

“Did you ever learn to tie your shoes?”

Tim asked.

“Yes!”

She snarled, annoyance in every letter of the word, making all three men snigger. Norman reached out for her when Stacy opened the door however and made her stop in her tracks.

“What about the paparazzi though, babe?”

“Its up to you, Norm. It has always been up to you, you know that. We can take the back door if you like.”

She gently stepped away from him and walked through the door and Tim followed her closely. Stacy looked after the pair and then around at Norman but the man simply sighed and followed the first two, beckoned Stacy out of the apartment and locked it up behind them.

Tim held the elevator doors for them and Norman stopped in the opening for a second. Jessie looked up from the back of the elevator, wondering what took so long. She repressed the urge to roll her eyes but just barely.  

“You know, J, I’ve even missed the bitch in you. Something I thought would never happen.”

“What the hell are you talking about? All I said that it your decision. You’re the one who wants to hide-“

“Since when have we been hiding?”

He asked, walking right up to her and the doors closed behind them. The other men turned their backs to them but it didn’t matter that they were there.

“Holding hands in public doesn’t really count in my book.”

He grinned so hugely that it started to hurt his face. It wasn’t just the sex that was back. Everything was back to normal, the way it had always been. They had always blocked everyone else out when starting an argument and so they did now. It made him insanely happy and even more so when it pissed her off even more.

“What the fuck are you grinning about?!”

“Am I annoying you, J?”

“Yes!”

“How much?”

He asked and pushed her up the back wall with his own body, grabbing the side of her face as he did.

“Remember Valentina’s day? There were a lot more than holding hands going on that day, right?”

He bit her lower lip and she whimpered quietly.

“You fucking blown in the backset of the car, Jess.”

He whispered in her ear.

“Yeah but…”

“What do you want, Jessie?”

“I want you.”

“I’m yours and you’re mine. And if you want the rest of the world to know that-”

“Even now? Am I yours even now?”

“Now more than ever. Bitch… Damn, J there’s really no in between with you, is it? It’s fucking full speed ahead.”

“And you love it.”

“Fuck yeah.”

He grabbed her harder and shoved her into a deep kiss. She ended it quickly though and pushed him away just as the lift stopped the doors opened. Tim and Stacy exited and she followed and took a right towards the backdoor.

“Where’re you going? The car is up front. Right?”

He made Tim stop in the middle of his way towards the front door. He started saying a confused ‘yes’ but Norman quickly interrupted him.

“Then why are you going that way, babe?”

Jessie tried to say something but the confusion just made her stutter. It was his time to roll his eyes and get annoyed. Sometimes he could get really frustrated with the fact that she was so obsessed with what the rest of the world thought. He knew it wasn’t about what they thought of her, because she couldn’t give a damn about that, but more what they thought about them. She wanted the rest of the world to know that they belonged together. He knew that without the rest of the world having to know and deep down she did too but if she needed to be reminded about that fact that he was not ashamed of her in any way, he would let the paparazzi document their love for each other.

Besides, it might be a good idea to show the world where he belonged. Had always belonged and always would. He would be by her side for as long as he had a beating heart and people needed to see that now more than ever.

“Come here.”

Tim was at the front door when Norman asked for Jessies attention once more. He could hear and see the flashes of the cameras though the glass doors but they were all gone when he walked up to her and he took her face in his hands and kissed her once more.

“I’ll take you home.”

She nodded slowly but shirked the next second, as he reached down and grabbed her hard by the ass and lifted her off of her feet.

“I love you, babe.”

She wrapped her legs and arms around him and kissed him hard, laughing. He replayed with the same words as so many times before and tightened his hold on her before turning towards the exit. She buried her head in his neck, kissing him lightly and it made his desire for her spike once more. The commotion once outside the doors was perfectly handled by the two men as usual and he was able to literally fall into the backset of the car with her. Tim quickly shut the doors behind the two giggling lovers but Norman could hear the man curse them under his breath. He knew they weren’t make life easy for the two bodyguards but he also knew they could handle it.

“We’re going to have to talk to the press.”

He said, still kissing her all over the face and neck and making it back to her lips every other kiss. She slipped her hands under his jacket and shirt and caressed his naked back.

“Yeah but not now.”

“No, not now.”

“Seatbelts!”

Tim called from somewhere over their heads as the car stated to move. They both ignored him and Norman unbutton and unzipped her jeans. He found her wet and ready and he quickly pushed her underwear aside and pushed 2 fingers inside her. She stopped breathing for a second and stared at him with wide eyes. As he moved them carefully out of her to push back in hard again, her eyes rolled for a moment but she pressed her lips together so not to draw attention to them.

“Maybe we can-Fuck…Maybe we can do another Youtube video. Maybe we don’t…Shit-Have to talk to the press. Maybe we can do it in our own way.”

“Well, yeah since I don’t have an agent or spokes person or anything like that anymore, I guess that’s the only way really.”

He removed his fingers and moved them to her clit and started to move his hand over her sensitive spot, hard. She grabbed him by the neck and forced him into a deep kiss as he made her come. He relaxed his hand but didn’t removed it. He wasn’t done with her just yet but he would let her recover a little before beginning again.

“Why did you get rid of everyone?”

“Because it was the only way to stop them from keeping me from what’s most important. As long as I’m someone client or have a contract with anyone, they’re going to keep me away from you and Melodi and I’m done with that shit.”

He pushed his fingers back inside her and she cursed under her breath and pushed her head back into the seat under them.

“But AMC-Fuck…”

“Yes, AMC are the one I still have a contract with but its different now than with Daryl. And they know how fragile it is and that I decided what to do and when. But I was thinking…”

He started to search for another orgasm from her although the first one was still pulsing through her. She lifted her head a little and he saw the frustration on her face at the same time as she loved his treatment.

“What were you thinking?”

She forced her words to come out calm and without moaning too much.        

“That you should be in charge from now on.”

“What do you mean?”

She moved her hips just a little and tried to move with his fingers as discretely as possible.

“That you, well, we make up a schedule together. That you’re basically my agent and that we turn this into a… Family business if you like. I mean, you’re the one who has known every tinny detail of my schedule and contracts by heart for the past 5 years anyway.”

“True.”

“So say yes, baby.”

His fingers speed up at the same time as his thumb found her clit and she yelled out a ‘yes’ that was a lot louder than normal and at the corner of his eye he saw Tim jump in the driver seat. He sniggered and kissed her.

“Seatbelts!”

Time reminded them again.

“Give me a minute.”

Jessie asked, breathless although she tried really hard to conceal it.

“Well, fuck, babe 4 times before lunch. It has to be some kinda record.”

She said, giggling as she pulled him down for a kiss.

“Na, I think we’ve managed more than that.”

He said and slipped his fingers out of her, wiped them of on the inside of his shirt and helped her zipped up and bottom her jeans once more. She took a few deep breaths before they sat up together and buckled up right next to each other.

“It was so much easier when it was just you.”

“Yeah, sorry about making you work harder for your money, Tim.”

Jessie replayed to the man’s muttering. They looked at each other through the review mirror and Jessie chuckled when he winked at her.

“I can handle anything as long as you’re happy, Jess.”

“Thank you.”

She leaned forward and placed her hand on his shoulder. He grabbed it and gave it a quick kiss before releasing her again. She leaned back and kicked off her shoes before pulling her legs up under her and rested her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and hugged her.

“I am happy.”

“Me too.”

He replayed, picked up his phone and looked at her with the unspoken question in his eyes. She winked back at him and crawled closer, placed her left hand on his chest and kissed him as he snapped a few selfies of them.

“I’m going to go to sleep now.”

He chuckled at her as she spoke, already closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

“You do that, babe.”

Within minutes she was asleep and he turned his attention to his phone. He had to admit he had missed interacting on social media more than he thought he would. Or it was probably the fans he had missed. The majority of the fans had been nothing but supportive and he made sure to always thank a few of them. But it was damn near impossible to keep up with the 8 million followers he had gained the past year. He was pretty sure he had Jessie to thank for that though and the fact that they had produced the tinny miracle that was their daughter. He had also gotten a lot more personal, something that had probably helped too and he continued on the same path this morning too.

_Love hearin’ the sound you make the second you’re done_

He chuckled to himself when he posted the picture of their intimin embrace in the backset of the car and found the perfect lyrics as he made a quick search on Jessie’s Spotify.

Only minutes after his Instagram post, Mingus popped up on his screen by sending an PM.

_Do I even want to know? ;)_

_Nope_

_Where’re you?_

_Just left Manhattan. Will be there in an hour. What’re you guys doing?_

_Taking a walk. The weather is better up here. Warmer_

_Good to hear_

_Is she ok?_

_Jessie? Yeah, she’s great. Thank you for giving us this time_

_Of course. Just let me know if you should need anymore time_

_You’re too helpful, you know that?_

_Well, yeah…_

_I love you Mingus_

_Love you too dad. See you soon_

_Yeah_

He spent the reminder of their car journey updating himself on the different Instagram account he followed while making small talk with the two men in the front seat.


	20. Show'em what you're made of

Mingus was convinced his little sister had a sixth sense then it came to knowing when her parents were nearby. He had just noticed the gates at the end of the drive open and Melodi started fussing at once. Within a second she was crying angrily and in his arms and pushed the bottle of formula out of the way. He tried a few times to make her take the bottle again but gave up with a sigh just as the front door opened. His dad called out his name and the girl in his arms gave up an even louder cry when hearing the voice.

“Jesus, take it easy, honey.”

He rose quickly from the sofa and carried her, facing forward towards the hallway. Their dad came to meet them half way there though, hurrying over to see why she was crying for sure.

“What’s going on, baby girl? I’m right here.”

Mingus handed her over as quickly as he could and the girl fell quiet once being in her dad’s arms and being kissed and hugged.

“I tell ya, it’s like she a damn bloodhound and can smell you coming from 10 miles away.”

His father chuckled and reached out to embrace him.

“Thank you for taking care of her.”

“Of course, dad.”

“Did she sleep?”

“Not until I slept beside her.”

“Sorry about that.”

“I’m fine, dad.”

Mingus reassured him and finally looked over him and tried to locate Jessie. She was still just inside the door, watching them closely. He could tell she was trembling slightly and the look in her eye were close to panic. Yet she looked different somehow and Mingus didn’t have to search long to understand why. Finally, being reunited with her husband had made her complete and happy again. But seeing Melodi again was probably a lot harder than she had thought it would be.

“Dad? Give her back to me.”

Mingus spoke quietly and he was sure Jessie couldn’t hear him. Confused, his father asked why.

“She’s not going to want to let go of you and go to Jess freely, dad.”

The explanation took a second to sink in but finally his dad nodded and handed Melodi back to him. She protested at once as they both knew she would but Norman simply walked off to the kitchen.

“Come on, baby stop being so damn mad. It’s not such a nice way to say hi to your mommy, you know.”

He turned her around once more and had the baby in his arms face forward and he walked right up to Jessie. His father would probably have processed with a lot more cation but Mingus knew he was the only one who could force Jessie out of her own scared head. He had done the same before after all, although he hadn’t been aware of it before.

“Say hi to mommy, Mel.”

Once he got close enough for her to see Jessie, Melodi stopped crying and she started to wave her little arms as though she wanted to bring Mingus closer. At first Jessie just looked at her, tears in her eyes and her lip trembling. Then Melodi let out a loud shrike of laughter and somewhere behind them, Norman chuckled and it was like it woke Jessie up. Her face lit up in a big smile and she reached out and took one of her daughter’s hands. Quickly, Melodi wrapped her fingers tightly around 2 of Jessie’s.

“Hey, baby girl. You’re getting so big, sweetie. I’ve missed you, Melodi. I’ve missed you so much.”

The tears spilled over on Jessie and Mingus had to force his own back too. Melodi stopped moving when Jessie spoke and it was like she took in every word of what her mother was saying.

“Do you want to take her?”

He was sure what the answer was going to be but still felt the need to actually ask the question just in case she wasn’t ready. Jessie answered by reached out both arms towards her daughter and Mingus handed her over at once.

“I love you, Melodi so much.”

“They’re happy tears, right?”

He asked as Jessie hugged Melodi tightly and the little girl snuggled close to her mother and Jessie’s tears landed in the girl’s hair. She took a few seconds but finally looked at him and nodded through her smiles and tears.

“Thank you for taking care of her, Mingus. Not just now… You know-“

“I know and you don’t have to thank me, Jessie. She’s my little sister.”

“Yeah, I do. Thank you, Mingus.”

“You’re welcome. I kinda like you, you know.”

She snorted through her tears when he winked at her and opened his arms to invite her in for a hug. She embraced him at once.

“I love you, Mingus.”

“I love you too.”

“Hey, Mingus where’s your mom?”

His father called for him from behind them and they both turned and found him a few feet away from them.

“Kuma didn’t want to come inside so they’re still outside somewhere.”

He stepped aside and made Jessie and Melodi visible for his dad.

“Fuck…”

Mingus watch his dad tear up the second he laid his eyes on the two girls and he was probably so overwhelmed with emotion by simply seeing them together again that he hurriedly tried to wipe the tears away before starting to crying.

“Don’t you start, cause than I’ll start too.”

Norman cleared his throat and took a deep breath at his words.

“Right, sorry… You’re just so goddamn beautiful.”

Mingus knew he had to do something quickly or his father would forget all about trying not to cry, so he walked over to him, placed his hand on his shoulder and continued to the kitchen with the information that he was just about to make some lunch. Food always caught his dad’s attention and so it did this time too. He had barley opened the fridge before he heard him behind him, asking what he was going to do.

                                            ------------------------------------

It was like something clicked back into place inside her head. Like she could literally feel her beating heart getting sawn back together. It was silly, she knew that but seeing Melodi and being able to hold her in her arms again was the final piece that made her whole again. She knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, just as Norman had said but when Melodi clearly showed her that she rather be close to her father as darkness fell, she simply handed her over and was grateful for the special bond they shared.

She was aware that she was probably at some point, get really pissed and jealous about this but for now she was extremely content with sitting back in the sofa and watch him feed her in the armchair across from her.

“There’s something I haven’t told you.”

He spoke suddenly and she jumped a little at the sudden noise as she had been completely mesmerized by the eating baby in his arms.

“Sorry?”

She shook her head a little and forced herself to focus on him. In the background she saw Mingus and Helena being busy in the kitchen, making them all a late-night snack.

“She’s going to be in the new season.”

She gaped at him with her mouth slightly open and tried to process the words but she couldn’t really understand what he meant.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s going to be a baby in the new season that the group finds and they had a pair of twin girls for the part but they cancelled with short notice and Gale came to talk to me about it a few week ago. She offered the part to Melodi and I said yes. After a few days debating and talking to Andy and Jeff and… You weren’t… The thing’s that I knew you wouldn’t mind doing it so I said yes.

“No, wait…”

She sat up a little straight and leaned forward, closer to them.

“She’s not going to be eat or something, right? Cause I’m not-“ 

“No! God, no. They would never do something like that. Rick’s just going to rescue her and take her to the Hilltop to Maggie.”

“Oh… Ok.”

“So you’re ok with that?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Good, because we finished her first appearance earlier this week.”

Norman spoke in a rush and looked away, probably feeling very guilty and nervous about her reaction. She had no other reaction that to burst out laughing and shaking her head at him though. She wasn’t even surprised.

“Of course you did.”

He frowned a little at her.

“I wasn’t really expecting that reaction.”

“What were you expecting?”

“I’m not sure, not just that.”

“I know you only make decisions based on what’s best for our daughter so why should I get mad? I haven’t been there to voice my opinion for the past month and you know me inside and out anyway, so there’s really no difference.”

“I guess not but I still felt really crappy for not asking you.”

“Well, if it makes you feel anything better I should probably tell you something too.”

She hesitated for the space of a heartbeat before just blurring out the words in a hast to get it over with.   

“I had a sterilization made a few weeks ago.”

He gaped at her for a full 10 seconds and she had to force herself not to look away.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Are you really asking that? After everything that has happened, do you really need to ask that question?”

“But a sterilization? What if-?”

“What if what, Norman? I’m perfectly happy with my 2,5 kids and there’s nothing or no one in this fucking world that could make me change my mind about having another kid.”

“But what if we don’t… And you… And-“

“Are you planning on bailing on me, Norman?”

Her words were teasing but still with a hint of seriousness in them and it made him stop talking and stare at her with wide eyes before protesting wildly.

“Fuck no! Of course not but-!

“But what?”

“But I am 12 years older than you and I’m not going to live forever and-“

She got to her feet quickly, took 2 steps forward and shut him up by grabbing him by the hair and kissing him hard.

“When you die, you know I’ll follow you.”

She whispered against his lips. He whimpered quietly.

“Don’t say that.”

“Well, it’s true and you know it. I don’t wanna life forever cause I know I’ll be living in vain without you.”

“Have you been watching a lot of _Fifty Shades_ while away?”

“Maybe.”

She said, sniggering in his ear before kissing his neck.

“Fucking gross, dad there’s a kid in the room.”

Jessie pulled away from her husband when Mingus spoke somewhere over their heads. She turned around and found him and his mother laying the table between the two sofas and the armchair Norman was occupying. She straighten up, graced the top of her sleeping daughter’s head gently and resumed her seat on the sofa.   

“ _A kid_? You’re still a kid too, Mingus.”

“Not like her.”

Mingus replayed his father.

“But still…  You’ll always be my kid.”

“Does anything ever wake’s her up?”

Helena asked, looking at the sleeping child with wonder in her eyes.

“No, nothing. Just the second I put her down.”

Norman sighed and adjusted the child a little in his arms. Her eyes flew open and she cried out for a second before closing them just as fast as he put her up against his chest.

“How are you, Jessie?”

Helena sat down beside her and handed over a cup of tea to her. She thanked her and crawled up to the end of the sofa and blew on the hot beverage before answering.

“Optimistic.”

The two women sat facing each other while the other two in their somewhat complex family, shared a conversation about something else entirely and Mingus prepared a scone for his father.

“Good, I’m glad you’re feeling better and that you’re home… Well, together anyway.”

“This is home. One home at least. It doesn’t really matter where I’m as long as it’s with those idiots.”

Mingus and Norman were arguing about which side of the bread to put the cream cheese on.

“And her.”

She added, nodding towards Melodi. The two of them took a moment to linger on the sleeping beauty before turning back to each other.

“How long are you planning on staying?”

“I guess Norman has to be back to work Monday so… Soon I guess.”

“You believe that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t know. But maybe it’s better to just… Take the bull by its horn, you know? I don’t know what’s best or what’ll happen just that we’ll have to make it up as we go along. Take one day at the time.”

“You’ll have a lot of damage control to do.”

“Mom, come on!”

Mingus suddenly protested, making both of them turn to look at the teenager. Jessie was quick to wave away the boy’s protest however.

“No, your mother’s right, Mingus. We’d have- I have.”

“No, we both do. I’ve wanted to murder every reporter and photographer there’s in this goddamn country. Nearly drove over one with my car a few weeks ago.”

“The press is not the once we need to make amends with, babe.”

“No, its not.”

Norman sighed and she watched as he dropped his head a little to the back and sighed heavily.

“Let’s give it a few days.”

“Yeah, your make out session from this morning has only reached half the world this far. Give it a few more hours and it should’ve gone all the way around. Twice.”

“How has it been? Really?”

“You’ve been just as caught away from it as dad has since March?”

Jessie nodded at Mingus question and reached out to grab a handful of grapes from the table.

“Well, kinda. I’ve had my Youtube channel for the past weeks but I only upload the videos and ignore everything else. I haven’t read any of the comments if that’s what you mean.”

“It’s not just the comments online from the public. The tabloids have been going mad with one insane story after the other with a lot of “friends” speaking out about what it has been, you know, before.”

“Anyone important?”

“What? You want names?”

“Yes, I want names, Mingus.”

“Cecilia talked first-“

“Of course she did.”

Jessie wasn’t the least bit surprised by this. And both Norman and Helena chuckled at her comment.

“Diane talked about you coming out on set when shooting _Sky._ Said she saw you make out with some extra before make one hell of a scene and kicking him in the balls.”

“I’ve never…! Well, yeah maybe I have… Have I?”

“It might have happened a few times.”

Norman said and winked at her, making her snort.

“But not then, right? As I recall it we fought over something else that day and it did not involve me kicking you in the balls.”

“No, not that time.”

“She said you hit her though.”

“Well, that I did.”

“Why?”

The question came from Helena.

“Because I was drunk and pissed and she tried to take what was mine.”

“Really? She tried to seduce you? In front of your eyes?”

“To her defense, I was still very much in denial that we were actually together and I kinda gatecrashed their dinner by pushing her in the face and told her I would kill her if she touched him again.”

“Kinda explains why you stood feet away from each other during the press tour. You never told me that.”

Helena said

“Yeah, cause you really needed another reason not to trust Jessie.”

“Well, I guess that’s true.”

“There’s a lot of people with a lot of lies-“

“You know there’re not lies, Mingus. Most of it is true and you know that just as well as me.”

“But not… I mean, she’s… Mel’s….”

“God, yes. Of course, she’s your sister. I haven’t been with anyone else for almost 2 years now. People actually think she’s not your daughter?”

She turned from Mingus to his father, who nodded.

“Yeah. It was the first explanation to why you walked out on him all of a sudden. You know, why you disappeared from the face of the earth. And I guess people just stuck with it. If there’s something you’ve to fix pretty soon, it’s that.”

“It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks.”

“Well, yeah it kinda does. To me it does.”

She wanted to interrupt Norman but only had time to take a breath before he cut her off.

“And it’s not because I don’t trust you. I know she’s mine but out of all the fucking lies, that’s the one I want to shove up everyone’s asses.”

“All you’ve to do is look at her really. She has your eyes, Jessie but the rest is pretty much all Norman.”

Helena said and Jessie returned the smiled from the elder woman.

“But no one outside family and friends have actually seen her, I mean besides the back of her head. You might have to show her to the rest of the world, dad to make the rumors stop.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“We’ll figure something out.”

Jessie said and Norman looked over at her and they shared a moment of understanding. They both new they were going to have to fix this but how they weren’t sure yet, just that they would find a way.

                                            ---------------------------------------------

_Daily Mail Sunday 21 May 2017_

_Norman Reedus reunites with wife Jessie after her failed suicide attempt._

_It was late Saturday morning that the married couple, after 2 months off the grid, finally showed themselves out in public together again. And it was a steaming reunion! The couple was caught leaving their China Town apartment in Manhattan and seemed very reluctant to let go of each other, if only for a minute._

_Back in March, the 36-year-old dancer tried to take her own life only weeks after giving birth to daughter Melodi. There has not been any real explanation from the woman to why she felt the need to end her life but speculations started circulation rather quickly about Norman Reedus not being the actual father of the child she gave birth to. Mr. Reedus has however taken the baby girl to his heart and cared for her for the past month all on his own, while his wife has been in intense rehabilitation. Something Jessie took to social media and YouTube to show the rest of the world. Mrs. Reedus took to the broadcasting site to apologize and thank those who has been by her side through the years. The multimillion selling author also took her time to address her dead family members, among them her boyfriend and their son Jacob, who were both killed in the 9/11 attack back in 2001._

_Among those who were mentioned were Walking Dead actor Andrew Lincoln, Boondock Saints actor Sean Patrick Flanery and Mr. Reedus son 17-year-old, Mingus. Neither of which has given any comments to what’s happening in the Reedus household and has simply asked for the family to left alone._

_Other voices have however given their insight into this quite mysterious relationship. Actress and co-star of Norman Reedus, Diane Kruger spoke about her experience with the wild and free spirit of then, Jessie Hamilton._

_“There relationship is extremely violent and dysfunctional. It has been since the start.”_

_Miss Kruger has seen said violence first hand as Jessie visited Norman on the location to the film Sky back in 2014._

_“She came storming onto set out of the blue and straight into Norman's trailer one day. They argued loudly and I heard things breaking. The next day he showed up with scratches on his arms. They’ve never been faithful to each other, Jessie least of all and their relationship will never last.”_

_Time will have to tell if Miss Kruger is right or if the relationship between the two, on camera smitten lovers are strong enough to even make it through this._

Andy wondered why the hell he had just spent 5 minutes of his life reading an article that just made him pissed and so sick and tired of the whole tabloid industry. But as he browsed through the dozen pictures of his brother and his wife, kissing and groping each other, he still smiled to himself. Hs had gotten an even better picture the day before though as Jessie had texted him a photo of herself with Melodi and a promise that he would see them soon.

The house was too quiet for a Sunday morning. He had welcomed the opportunity to be able to sleep in as the rest of his family were out of town for the weekend but it was getting a little to quiet for his liking. He had just started to form a text to Norman, asking how he was doing when the same man texted him instead.

_We’re bringing dinner, u make desert. 6 pm?_

_U’re back already?_

_No, heading to the airport right now_

_Great. Sure, 6 works fine. How many?_

_Just me and J_

_Melodi?_

_Yeah, of course but she doesn’t eat desert ;)_

_Right. See u soon_

_Yeah. Love u_

_Love u 2_

He put the phone down and looked around the kitchen, searching for inspiration to what he could possible serve as desert. Nothing came to mind besides ice cream. He knew he would do just fine with chocolate ice cream for the two of them but it felt a bit too simple. So after turning to his wife for help, he started to search for a recipe for some kind of chocolate cake. He discovered pretty quickly though they he would’ve to make a trip to the grocery store.

For the past weeks he had to admit he had avoided something as simple as buying groceries and let Gale do it instead. The whole business with Jessie and Norman staying way away from the press and fans had made him a bigger target for both categories. And he was pretty sure it wasn’t going to stop just because they had both resurfaced after 2 months. People was desperate to find out what had happened and wanted to know the truth. He couldn’t really understand why people had such a big interest in another human being’s suffering. But he had learned the hard way that it was easier for the majority of the worlds population to take part in someone else’s issues than trying to fix once own.

He made a quick swipe at the store but wasn’t able to do anything about the 25-mile-long line once he was done. He cursed to himself but realized the same second he did, that it was an extreme overreaction and felt the need to slap himself for even being annoyed. The annoyance came back with full force though, only seconds later when he realized that he had ended up by the wall of magazines and newspapers. And although he tried not to look, he couldn’t fail to notice that pretty much every single cover of the wall had the same pictures on it. The pictures he didn’t mind, they made him smile, but the black headlines made him want to rip them off their shelfs.

_The secrets and lies of Jessie Reedus_

_Infidelity and lies cost Jessie Reedus to attempt suicide_

_Will Jessie take baby Melodi away from Daryl Dixon now?_

_The money makes Jessie desperate to cling on to her famous husband_

_Domestic abuse in the Reedus household may cost Child Service to take baby Melodi, 4 months, away from her mother_

He knew the papers could be cruel on their better days but this was getting way out of proportion. No one really seemed to believe Melodi was Norman’s at all. They had all bought the story of her not being his daughter. The thought had crossed his mind too but the second he saw Melodi he knew he had been wrong. How the hell they were going to be able to explain that without exposing their fucked up past, he had no clue and he was glad he wasn’t the one making the decision about what to tell the press and the fans. He knew neither Jessie or Norman gave a fuck about the press but the fans deserved some kind of explanation.

He had expected a riot once the episode of Daryl dying aired but when it collided with the fact that Norman seemed to have vanish from the face of the earth at the same time, the chaos had been beyond what anyone had expected. Including Andy. Every single cast and crew member had been hunted for days and his phone had kept calling nonstop for a week. A lot of fans had of course blamed Jessie and was convinced she was the one forcing Norman to chose between his work and her.

Nothing could be further to the truth and Andy had been so damn close to shoving his angry words up everyone’s asses at one point. He had stopped himself however but maybe he really needed to speak his mind this time around and give his side of the story. Jessie was the reason he had taken the job in the first place and Andy was sure also one of the reason he had succeeded in taking Daryl a lot further than anyone predicted, including Norman himself.

                                            --------------------------------

“I love you, J. I love you so much.”

He didn’t want to let her go once she walked through the front door and he came to meet them and embraced her at once. She hugged him back just as tightly and even had tears in her eyes when they pulled apart to look at each other. He held her at arm’s length and looked her up and down. It had been hard to see on the videos and photos but she really was a lot more fit and healthy looking than before. She had gained all the weight and then some from the days she spent without solid food.

“I love you too, Andy.”

“How are you, sweetheart?”

He placed his palm to her face and look at her intently when she answered, searching for the smallest sign that she wasn’t honest with him.

“I’m really good. I’m good now.”

He held her gaze for a moment longer and she smiled at him and took his hand away from her face and kissed his palm.

“I’m home now, Andy.”

“Well, not really home _home_ cause you’re not moving in here with me.”

“Why not? You guys spend all your time on set together and then all the time off from set together too.”

Jessie joked and both of them started to laugh just as Norman finally got through the door too. Melodi was fussing in his arms and was not at all happy with something at the moment.

“Hey, man.”

“What’s up with the princess?”

Andy asked as he hugged his brother. Norman sighed and handed her over to him.

“I don’t know, might be tired but she won’t go to sleep.”

“I think she misses her big brother.”

Jessie said and leaned in to kiss her daughter before all three of them continued inside the house. Norman dropped the bags of food on the dinner table that Andy had already laden.

“Yeah? You miss Mingus, honey?”

Andy turned the girl around to face him and at first it seemed she was going to stop crying at the sight of him but it only lasted for 5 seconds. She gave up a frustrated cry.

“I’ll go change her.”

“I did as we landed but sure, give it a try.”

Jessie said to him. He grabbed the girl a little tighter and walked off down the hall towards the guestroom. He could hear Jessie call after her about needing a new diaper if he wanted to change her. He stopped half way down the hallway and turned around to look at her.

“I’ve everything I need, Jess but thanks.”

“What do you mean? What did you do, Andy?”

“Well, she has been staying here a lot since we got back and I’m expecting her to keep staying here now and then so we geared up on a few things. Ask your husband about it.”

He called back as he opened the door to one of the guestrooms and headed straight for the dresser and the changing topper. He impressed himself by undressing her rather quickly and she quiet down the moment she was free from her cloths.

“Something’s wrong with your cloths, honey? Too warm for you? Yeah, it’s getting piss warm in this state this time of year, doesn’t it?”

Once he was done, he decided not to put her cloths back on and she was so much happier right away. She started to wave her arms in his face and laugh when she got hold of some hair and tugged.

“I love you, sweet angel girl.”

He said quietly to her as he made it back to her parents, who had unpacked all the dinner they had brought. Norman had already started to eat while Jessie was in the kitchen fetching water.

“What did you do?”

Norman spoke with his whole mouth full of food and it was a miner miracle that he actually managed to get any words out.

“Seriously, Norman?”

“What? I’m fucking starving. We had to make a run for it at the airport and the only thing they had on the damn plane was nuts and KitKat.”

“Yes, for the love of God, let him eat, Andy. He’s been bitchen since we got on the plane.”

Jessie returned to the table and put down the water before taking her seat next to Andy. The girl in his arms started to wave at her mother the second she saw her. Once again Jessie leaned in and kissed her daughter but made no attempt to take her from him.

“She was too warm?”

“Yes, I think so…. She’s a happy little thing, isn’t she?”

“Most of the time, yes.”

Norman spoke again with food in his mouth and both Andy and Jessie groaned but agreed to let it pass and started to eat too. Andy wasn’t that use to doing things with just one hand though and Jessie ended up cutting up his food for him.

“Thanks…”

“You’re welcome… You can put her down, you know.”

“I don’t want to. I’ve missed her.”

“Fine… So, I hear you’re rescuing a baby, Officer friendly.”

“Apparently so.”

“How did it go? Did she do good?”

“Of course. She’s a superstar already, needed like one take.”

“She was asleep the whole time.”

Norman pointed out and Jessie chuckled.

“Yeah but still…. She hates Jeffrey though.”

“Since when?”

“Well, Negan really. She hates Negan.”

“Who the hell doesn’t…?”

“It’s pretty hilarious actually. I can’t be on set with her when we shoot anything with Jeffrey. As soon as she sees him and hears him, she starts crying. But it’s only then. She loves Austin and Chandler.”

“Don’t forget Khary. Basically, all the men with long hair is fine but Khary especially, whenever he wears that wig. I hope she can still be on set with us from time to time, although you’re… You know…”

He wasn’t sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. He was happy she was back but it had been a real treat to have Melodi on set pretty much every single day. It was a nice distraction to all the blood and gore.

“Of course she’ll be on set. We’re not going to change everything just over night. It will take time. It has to take time. She’s has to get use to me being back.”

“Yeah… I’m glad you’re back, J.”

He reached out and placed a hand on her thigh for a moment.

“Me too, Andy”

The dinner continued with small talk about the first weeks on set and everything Jessie had done besides all the therapy. Andy avoided the subject of her recovery on purpose as he had a feeling Norman at least was not in the mood at all that night to bring it up. He just wanted to focus on the future instead of the past. He couldn’t keep quiet any longer though as he helped Norman clear the table while Jessie made a bottle of her daughter.

“What are you guys going to do about talking to the public?”

Norman halted in his organization in the dish washer but never looked up at Andy’s question. It was Jessie who answered and he spun around her found her behind him.

“We’re not really sure yet.”

“You’ve to do something. Soon.”

“Why?”

Norman straighten up and collected a few more glasses from the counter.

“You should’ve seen the tabloids at the grocery story today. You were on every single cover there was and it’s… So much fucked up shit that the press is printing and I… I just wanted to be able to shove it up their asses.”

“The press and tabloids aren’t really the priority, Andy. We’re not doing any interviews at the moment with anyone. The fans are what’s important.”

“I get that, Jess but you’ve to talk to the press about certain things.”

“About what exactly? What fucking lies and rumors would you have us talk about, Andy? There’s so much shit that I don’t even know where the hell to start. And the worst thing’s that it’s mostly true. How the hell do you explain that?”

“You’ve to put the rumor about Mel not being his to a stop.”

He leaned against the counter and looked at both of them. He could tell they had discussed this already and it was probably why Jessie was so annoyed about him bringing the subject up again.

“We are.”

“Good. How?”

“We had Helena take Meldoi’s picture this morning. She looks more like Norman for each day so there’s really no one that can argue once they see the pictures. And if they do, let the fuckers wonder. Everyone that mattes know the truth.”

“She really does look just like you, man.”

Andy took a closer look at the baby resting on Jessie’s arm and saw his brother so clearly in the girl. Her hair had grown even more than past week and it looked straight like his but with Jessie’s light color. Melodi had the same oval face with high cheekbones already and the exact same smile as her father. She even hade the same ears, Andy noticed as Melodi turned her head sidewise to find her mother.

“She even has your damn ears, it’s freaky.”

Jessie halted in her shaking of the bottle and gaped at him.

“What’s freaky is that you actually know that. Do you have a habit of looking at my husband’s ears?”

Norman snorted at this comment.

“Yeah, Andy I wasn’t aware of you liking my ears so much.”

“Did I fucking said I liked them? I said she has the same looking ears as you do.”

“Which reminds me… Come here a sec and help me choose.”

Norman nodded his head towards Andy and beckoned him over when he turned to the pick up his phone from beside him. Jessie was just about done with making food for Melodi and took her leave to the living room with her daughter.

“What?”

He looked over his friend’s shoulder as Norman started to swipe through his photo gallery. Andy felt his eyes widen and he let out a small gasp.

“Oh my God, look at her… She’s… Helena takes great photos.”

“I know, right? They turned out great. I just don’t know which one to post.”

“Well, for starters it would be a good idea to take one that includes you both and not just her.”

“Yeah, good idea.”

“Come on, look at those eyes, man! She almost looks photoshopped.”

Andy stared at the wide open and intense green eyes of the baby on her father’s lap. She was bouncing and smiling the same smile as her father who was holding on to her and looking at her with nothing but pride and love in his eyes.

“They’re not photoshopped. At least not her.”

“That one.”

He flipped back to the close-up picture.

“See, you have the same smile.”

Norman leaned closer to the screen and watched his daughter look straight into the camera and Andy could tell he agreed.

“Yeah, I guess we do.”

“What weird shit are you going to post this time?”

He kept looking at the screen as Norman opened up Instagram and did what he had to do to make the picture appear just the way he wanted it. Andy just stood watching, wondering if he would ever learn or if he ever wanted to take the time to learn. He was pretty convinced he wouldn’t.

“ _You find the truth in a child’s eyes, when the only limit is the sky. Living proof, I see myself in you_ …What song is that? I don’t know that one. Jess?”

She started to sing the lyrics at once but it didn’t help him at all.

“Just the bestselling pop group in history.”

He still felt and probably looked confused because when Jessie rolled her eyes at him, Norman chuckled next to him and nudge him in the ribs.

“Backstreet Boys, man.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re quoting fucking boybands now?”

“I’ve done my job well. Come on, Andy it’s not the first time. Half the lyrics since he started posting pictures of me or us are Backstreet songs.”

Andy turned just in time to see Norman turn his back on him and walked over to join his wife and daughter in the living room.

“She has made you way too soft, dude.”

“Or maybe I’ve done just the opposite and made him not give a shit what other people think.”

“What? Did you ever give a shit about what other people think of you?”

Andy asked with a hint or irony in his voice and he started to prepare their desert.

“A little too much. Do you need any help over there, man?”

“No, no I’m good. I made brownies. From scratch.”

“Wow. Impressive.”

“I know. I impressed myself.”

“I was wondering… Well, we were wondering really if you could help us out with something.”

“Anything, J.”

“We’re planning on doing another Youtube video sometime soon to make some kind of explanation.”

“And…?”

“Yeah but I’m not really sure what people actually wants to know and I’m not really interested in reading all the millions hate comments online that I know I’ll find the second I start searching my own name or his name.”

“And…? What do you want me to do?”

“Searching around social media and see what people wants to know. What questions they have and choose a few of them.”

“Ok… I’ve a question. Did you want it to end?”

Andy was surprised when Normand didn’t have to ask what it was he meant. He simply looked up at him and they shared a moment of silence before Norman turned his gaze back to the girl half asleep in Jessie’s arms.

“No. And yes. I know what you really want to ask is if she ever asked me to quit. You know she never would, Andy.”

“Yeah but I still wonder…”

“Wait… You think I would actually ask him to ask AMC to kill Daryl? I thought you knew me better than that, Andy. Shame on you.”

“Yeah, yeah I know, shame on me.”

“The way things turned out now, makes me pretty damn happy not to have to deal with Daryl. I mean, could you imagine the mess it would’ve been if he hadn’t ended up sacrificing his own life for Rick last season? I’m pretty happy with the way the whole thing ended. Now even more so but I never really wanted it to end. Ever.”

“I just figured it’s probably one of the questions people want an answer to.”

“You too apparently.”

Jessie’s tone had just a tiny hint of annoyance in it as he collected the 3 ready plates and carried them over to the living room and handed one to each of them. Norman gave a low, impressed whistle.

“Damn, man. This looks awesome.”

Andy took a seat in the armchair facing the couple on the sofa and took the first bit of the desert before looking over at Jessie.

“I know you would never ask him but I was more curious whether or not he ever asked you what you wanted?”

“You have a shitty memory, Mr. Clutterbuck.”

“I can’t keep track of all the fucking things you fight over!”

Andy protested at once and he was pleased to find that Jessie actually laughed.

“Last years Atlanta Walker Stalker. Ring any bells?”

He had to think long and hard but some fragments of memories started to come back to him after a minute or two. A memory of Norman coming storming through the front door late at night and stayed for a solid 2 days and nights because Jessie was sick and tired of being Mrs.  Norman fucking Reedus.

“Right.”

“But I never asked him to quit, he just thought I did. Why would I? We would kill each other after a week together if he didn’t have anything else to do.”

“That is true. So, when do you want me to put together this little list of questions?”

“In a few days would be fine.”

“Ok, good. Are you going to be on set tomorrow? With her?”

“I’m not sure yet. It really depends on her. I need to try to be alone with her but we’re taking baby steps. So maybe I’ll just try to get through the morning alone and then come out on set and met you.”  

“She seems more than fine to have you back.”

Andy tilted his head to one side and took a look at the sleeping infant in Jessie’s arms. She was still barley over 22 inches long but besides being small, she was making so much progress, Andy saw something new everytime he saw her. He could only imagine what it must be like for Jessie.


	21. Nic & Normans

Norman woke up Monday morning without either of his girls in bed and for 2 heartbeats he panicked as the thought of Jessie leaving again penetrated his mind. Then he heard her outside in the hallway and his panicked vanished as he listened to her soft singing voice getting closer and closer until she finally pushed open the bedroom door and walked inside.

“Good morning.”

Jessie walked across the floor and opened up the drapes and allowed the first rays of mornings sun carefully make their way into the bedroom.

“Morning.”

He replayed and pushed himself up to a half sitting position against the headboard of the bed before his wife joined him with their daughter.

“I didn’t hear her waking up.”

“Probably because I woke up before she did.”

He watched them closely as Jessie moved Melodi a little in her arms to make it easier to start feeding her. The girl wasn’t that interested though and kept moving her head away from the bottle and search for something else instead. Jessie gave a heavy sigh but smiled as she took the bottle away and lifted the girl to her feet in her lap.

“You want to say good morning to daddy first, don’t you?”

It fascinated him and made him extremely happy, that although they had spent a month apart, Jessie was still able to read her daughter like an open book. She handed him Melodi without thinking and without showing the slightest sigh of disappointment that she wasn’t enough.

“Good morning, sweetie.”

He grabbed her and pulled her close to be able to give her a kiss. She laughed and tugged at his hair and pulled him closer and he hugged her tightly for a moment, just like he had every single morning of her life the past weeks.

“You couldn’t sleep?”

“No, I slept but when I woke up I felt too well rested to go back to sleep. And she had just started to move too.”

“Please give me some of that.”

“What?”

“The feeling of being well rested.”

“I thought you said you’ve never slept this much because she makes you go to bed.”

“She does but I never sleep enough anyway. It’s been too empty in this bed without you.”

She gave him a small smile and moved her lips to apologize once more, he was sure but he didn’t need to hear it anymore. Quickly, he leaned forward and kissed her and made her giggle instead of apologizing.

“Ok.”

She simply said as he pulled away.

“Yeah… I love you.”

“I love you too.”

His throat contracted a little by the words and his eyes got teary as she looked at him. At this reaction she frowned in confusion though and asked why he was crying.

“I guess I just realized how much I’ve missed saying it to you and hearing you say it back. Especially in the morning like this, cause you were always here when I woke up, you know?”

“What? You haven’t had anyone else fill my spot while I was away?”

Her words were teasing but he knew her well enough to know that she honestly, deep down, really wanted to know if that had been the case.

“No one. Well, yeah…”

He hesitated a little to see her reaction. Her eyes widened and she stared in disbelieve at him. After just a few seconds though, he couldn’t keep it together anymore and burst out laughing.

“Andy has stayed with me a couple of times. As well as Mingus. But she’s the only female who has been allowed in this bed since you left.”

“You shared the bed with Andy?”

“Yup.”

He put Melodi down on his pulled-up legs and held out a hand for the bottle. Jessie looked at it for a second before grasping what he wanted and gave it to him.

“That’s a first.”

“Not really. We’ve shared a bed with him before, J, remember?”

He winked at her and started to feed their daughter. Jessie snorted out a laugh and shook her head at him.

“It was a shower though the last time.”

“Right. Best fucking shower ever. Pond intended.”

“Well, aren’t you funny.”

He sniggered and it made her do the same as she moved closer to him and crawled up right next to him and put her head on his shoulder. For a few minutes both of them sat in silence and watched their daughter eat and it was a perfect moment that he had waited for so long. At that moment it was all worth it.

“I wanna do it again.”

She jumped a little when he suddenly spoke again and asked with a confused voice what he was talking about.

“Watch Andy fuck you. And Jeffrey. Maybe Sean too.”

She leaned away from him and watched him with a look that clearly questioned his sanity.

“I’ve been home for a day and you want to throw together a gangbang?”

“You’re telling me you’re not up for it?”

He challenged her instead of answering her question. She tried to say something but opened her mouth and closed it again 3 times over before stuttering something he simply interrupted. He grabbed her chin tightly and made her look at him before kissing her deeply.

“I remember the conversation we had about your ultimate wet dream.”

He said as he pulled away, biting her lower lip.

“We’ve done that though.”

“No. Not when I’ve just watch.”

“Well, that’s because you can’t keep your hands to yourselves when you watch. You get greedy, Mr. Reedus.”

“That’s because you’re mine.”

“Always…. You’re saying you would be able to sit on the sideline now and just watch?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re dead serious about this.”

She said after looking at him closely for a moment. He smirked and winked at her as he nodded his head.

“Fuck yeah.”

She swallowed hard but he wasn’t sure what the reason for it was. If she was nervous or just getting very excited and turned on by the idea. Before he could ask, however, she asked a question on her own.

“Have you talked to Jeffrey about this?”

“Not really word for word but he has been drooling over pretty much every picture I posted of you on Instagram.”

“Yeah, why the hell did you just use nude or half naked picture?”

“I didn’t!”

He protested but she just rolled her eyes at him and he changed his mind.

“Fine, most of them were but not all of them! But to use Jeffrey’s words, you’re so damn photogenic, baby. And hot as hell! And it made me remember all the good times instead of all the bad. I mean, I can’t remember a single time when you’ve been naked and it’s been a bad thing.”

“Ditto.”

“Maybe we should continue discuss this when little ears can’t hear.”

“You started it.”

“And I’m finishing it and…”

He took the child from his knees and handed her to her mother and kissed Jessie’s head.

“And I’m jumping in the shower real quick.”

“Fine.”

Jessie muttered her words as he jumped out of bed and walked across the floor to the bathroom. He could feel her watch his ever move and he closed the door with a smirk on his face. The thought of seeing her being fucked by his two, maybe three, best friends made him very eager to get into the shower and have a few moments to himself.

                                            ---------------------------

Melodi fell asleep shortly after Norman left for work and she stayed behind with the promise that he was only one call away. Depending on her mood she would head out to the location they were filming later in the day. She wasn’t really sure she was ready to met everyone yet. Not because she scared but mostly because she wasn’t sure the rest of the people, crew and cast, was so eager to forgive her and welcome her back like Andy had been. They might need a little more time to get use to the idea of her being back in his life again. And she was pretty convinced a lot of them was mad at her and blamed her for Norman’s state of mind. She was of course the one to blame but she knew she had done the right thing when deciding to leave and once they got around to explain what had happened she knew they would have a better understanding.

It felt strange to be back in the house and having Melodi there but not Norman. Like the time hadn’t passed at all and things hadn’t changed. It was also strange for her to have free time on her hands all though she had her daughter there. After spending half an hour just watching her sleep in the middle of the living room floor, she realized there might be something more productive for her to do. She decided to make a sweep around the house and see if there possible could be anything for her to do. Norman usually was the one with an obsession to keep the place nice and tidy but she thought that maybe that hadn’t been a priority the past weeks.

She found pretty quickly thought that she was wrong. The place was as always in tip top shape and she even got a lot more emotional than she should, when she found all their daughters cloths neatly folded and hanged according to color. As she turned away from the closet something in the bookcase caught her attention. Her own books were there and she grabbed them and brought them with her as she returned to the living room to be able to watch Melodi once more. She had turned in her sleep and an image of Norman sleeping just like her, on her stomach with both arms at the level of her eyes. She laid down beside her on the floor and started to flip through the pages.

_A second. That’s all it takes. Just a heartbeat and everything changes. In a blink of an eye they’re gone. Not just gone. Completely erased from the face of the earth. Nothing left but my memories of who they once were. It’s strange how much I seem to remember once they weren’t here anymore. Every, tinny thing is etched on the insides of my eyelids and it’s as clear as water. I see, feel and smell everything. And I mean everything._

_How annoyed Josh made me when he woke me up by his loud snoring every night._

_The sounds Jacob made when he was hungry._

_My sister singing at the top of her lungs in the shower every single morning._

_The smell of popcorn, make-up, dust and flowers that dad always got covered in after spending the day and night at the theater._

_Mom, burning her second attempt for the day, baking bread because she’s being too busy smothering her grandson with hugs and kisses._

Jessie linger on one of the first pages of the book and managed to produce every single memory with a smile on her face. They were still with her. Next to her, Melodi started to wake up and she lifted her head from the floor and looked at her mother with confusion on her pretty face. She probably wondered what she was doing on the floor too but when Jessie spoke to her, she gave up a soft sound and put her head back down on the floor but kept looking at her. Even like this, she was so much like Norman. She was in hurry whatsoever to finish her naptime. She could lay awake for minutes and just pacing herself back to the living one minute at the time.

Jessie turned to her side and put her hand on her daughters back and started to ran her hand and fingers gently and started talking about Jacob. She told Melodi about her big brother being born and how he had been at her age. She was forced to cut of though when her phone rang and she answered Norman’s incoming facetime call. She moved a little closer to her daughter and managed to fit them both into the screen as she answered.

“Hi.”

“Hi….! What’re you doing on the floor?”

“Taking a nap. She just woke up.”

“How long did she sleep?”

“An hour.”

“Good, that’s what she usually sleeps in the morning.”

“Ok.”

“Are you coming out?”

“Do you want us too?”

“Both yes and no. It’s hot as hell today. I mean, I’m-melting-away-in-this-fucking-heat-hot. But I miss you.”

“We miss you too.”

“How about we do lunch at the restaurant?”

“Yeah, absolutely. What time?”

“1.30?”

“We’ll be there.”

“Awesome. I’ve to get back, just wanted to say a quick hi to my favorite girls. I love you.”

“We love you too.”

The second he hung up and Jessie took the phone away from Melodi’s eye of sight, she gave up an upset cry, rolled over to her back and started to wave her arms. And she didn’t really stop after that. Nothing worked to distract the little girl and the only thing that made her at least fuss a little less was for Jessie to carry her around wherever she went.

It started to stress her out a little as the minutes turned to hours but they didn’t move fast enough. 1.30 seemed an age away but as the time finally passed 12.30 with a couple of minutes, she gave up and strapped Melodi in her car seat and left the house. The radio came on as she started the car and the angry child, stopped crying at once.

“Well, that was easy. Why didn’t you just say you’re like me?”

She spoke quietly to herself as she turned up the volume just a little and backed out of the garage and headed out through the gate and drove towards Senoia. She started to sing along to the radio and once in a while, Melodi gave up a significant louder and happier sound, making Jessie snigger to herself.

She knew she was early and that Norman would probably end up being late but it was nice to just be out of the house. And Melodi seemed to agree as well. She was a ray of sunshine the second Jessie placed her in the stroller and they started walking down the main street of the small down town area.  Norman was right about the heat though and she gave up strolling the streets and shops after a surprisingly short time and she escaped inside the cool inside of _Nic and Norman’s_ instead. She parked the stroller inside the front door, trying to stow it away as best she could. As she leaned over and picked up Melodi she saw one of the female waiter’s approach and she started speaking before Jessie could straighten up.

“Mr. Reedus said you’d be coming. We’ve a table for you in the back.”

“Thank you.”

She turned around and face the familiar young woman with a thankful nod. She smiled back and tried at first not to look at the girl, but failed when Melodi gave up a happy shrike at the sight of the newcomer. The woman seemed unsure if it was alright for her to look at the child but Jessie helped her out and hoisted Melodi up a little in her arms.

“Hey, sweetie. She grows so fast. I got her a highchair.”

“Great, thanks.”

Jessie turned Melodi back around so that she was faced forward as she walked through the crowded restaurant. She knew she was being a bit paranoid but she wasn’t completely ok with picture of their daughter ending up online without her or Norman giving their approval. Head’s turned indeed when she walked towards the table at the other end of the restaurant but something else caught Jessie’s attention. Some of the pictures on the wall had change since she had last been there. A black and white portrait of herself and Melodi, maybe just minutes after her birth was hanging on the wall over their table. On the opposite wall was a picture of her and Mingus dancing at the wedding.

“It’s my favorite picture in here.”

The woman beside her spoke and Jessie noticed she had been staring at the picture a little too long as she looked away from it.

“I haven’t seen it before.”

“Mr. Reedus made a few changes about 2 weeks ago. I think it’s one of Miss Christensen’s photos. Would you like anything to drink while you wait?”

“Ice tea, please.”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.”

Placing the bag on the floor, she turned to put Melodi into the highchair but the girl gave a wild protest at once at not being in her mother’s arms. Jessie moved into the booth and sat down closest to the wall and put both feet up on the sofa. This gave Melodi enough space to jump around while Jessie held on tight to her daughter. It also helped her hide from the rest of the guest pretty effectively.

The blond, happy little angle in her arms, helped her block out everything around her. She even missed the waitress coming back but all of a sudden, she noticed she had her drink right there on the table. As she placed the child sitting between her legs to be able to drink, she saw the familiar back of Tim standing a little in front of her booth.

“What’re you doing here?”

She asked, annoyed that Norman had called him. She was fine! Tim turned around and leaned back a little to glance at her before returning to watching the restaurant like a damn hawk.

“What’d you think I’m doing here? Your husband called of course. Why didn’t you?”

“Cause I can handle myself…! I thought you worked for me and not Norman.”

“Well, right now we’re actually on the same page when it comes to you and your daughter’s safety. So suck it up.”

“No…!”

“No? What’re you going to do, Jess? Throw me out?”

He took a step back and looked at her with a smug smile on his face and she wanted to grab him and push him right out the front door. But she knew she would never be able to move him as much as an inch. If he had decided to stay there and protect her, nothing would make him leave. A part of her was forever grateful but she hated that everyone else always seemed to know what was best for her and that she needed to be looked after. And being able to run these thoughts through her head again was an incredible thing that she had taken for granted before. She sighed and flipped of the man. At the corner of her eyes, she saw him snigger before turning away from her, while she returned her attention to Melodi.

“They’re so damn overprotective. Your dad’s quite impossible, you know that?”

She looked up at her mother and gave up a happy shrike that made the people in the next booth giggle. She laughed too and bent down to give her daughter a kiss. She still waited for the happy little bundle to realize what a fucked-up mother she had and deciding that she was better off with just her dad. This far, things were going too good for her to really believe it but she was going to cling to it nevertheless and hope for the best.

She heard the buzzing around her start to change minutes later and without looking up, she knew her husband had arrived. The loud chattering among the guests became exciting whispers instead. She realized pretty quickly that he wasn’t alone though. She heard her closest neighbors start whispering about Andy and within a minute he did appear in her line of vision. Quickly he slithered into the booth opposite her and before she could say hi, Jeffrey had joined him and Melodi was being picked up by her father as Norman took his seat next to her.

“Hi!”

Jeffrey reached out for her hands on top of the table, grabbed them both in his and kissed the top hard and long.

“It’s great to see you again, Jessie. How are you doing, baby?” 

“You too, Jeff. I’m good, I’m really good.”

“You look good. Welcome home.”

Again, he kissed her hands before releasing her.

“Thank you. How’s your day been this far?”

She looked at both men sitting opposite her after looking sideways at her small family next to her and realized Norman was too absorbed in their daughter to start a conversation with her just yet.

“Intense.”

Andy sighed heavily when he spoke and leaned back in his seat. She saw him looking her up and down but she couldn’t really figure out why. She frowned a little but shook it off.

“Which was why we all felt the need to leave for a while.”

Jeffrey added. Jessie nodded at the two men before turning her head to her side and watched as Norman put Melodi in front of him on the table and she grabbed hold of his hair and tugged hard while laughing.

“Ouch…!”

He gave a low whimper and tried to prey his head away from her fists but Melodi had no plans in letting go of her father. Finally Jessie reached out and helped her loosen her grip.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

He leaned back, away from their daughter’s grabbing hands and look around at her and she got lost as so many times before as she looked into his eyes.

“Hi.”

He said and his face lit up in a huge smile.

“Hi.”

They leaned towards each other at the same time and shared a quick but deep kiss.

“I love you.”

“Love you too… How are you?”

She asked and put her hand on his cheek to hold his gaze just a little longer. His eyes were a little red and she could tell he had shaded a few tears this morning for whatever reason.

“I’m good. It’s just been an intense morning. And I miss my girls.”

He leaned in and kissed her wrist before getting up to place Melodi in her chair. She protested at once but as Norman assured her that he was just next to her, she seemed to find this acceptable and she stopped struggling.

“You’re going to have your hands full with this one growing up. She’s quiet the personality already.”

“Well, she’s like her mother in that way.”

Norman leaned in close to her and placed his hand on her thigh. She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head.

“What? She drives you crazy?”

Jeffrey asked, sniggering and when Jessie tried to glare he just winked at her and reached across the table once more and took her hand. He held her hand a little longer and he ran his thumb gently over her knuckles. Once again, she felt her frown coming back and she couldn’t quiet figure out what was going on at the moment.  

“Fuck yeah, man. In a good way… Most of the time.”

She received a nudge in the rib from her husband as he spoke. She took a look around the table then, feeling pretty feed up with all this teasing going on from all of them. They all looked back at her, not turning away from her intense glaring.

“What’s up with you guys today?”

She asked, not really comfortable with the weird vide she felt around the table all of a sudden as they kept watching her. Norman gave a nonverbal answer to her question by sliding his hand up in between her legs. Just for a second but she knew it was intentional and she was just able to repress the quiet moan that wanted to leave her.

“What are you? Insane?”

Andy lost his cool first when Jessie quoted Boondock Saints on them, with the accent and all.  

“Aye.”  

He threw an arm out and pressed her tightly against his side and kissed her temple, grinning like a fool. He leaned in close to her ear and whispered to her.

“I can name a few things one could use that stupid fucking rope for. And they’re really looking forwards to play.”

Jessie grabbed hold of his hand when she felt it once again travel up her thigh while he talked quietly to her. She felt her pulse quicken at his words and she eyed the too good-looking men on the other side. Andy still had the last bit of his laughter in his eyes when he locked gaze with her. His intense eyes mixed together with the fact that she knew he undressed her one piece of clothing at the time, made her weak at the knees. Slowly she nodded her head in agreement and as she looked swiftly in her husband’s direction, she could see how his jeans tightened by her words.

“When?”

She whispered and repaid his touch with one of her own and her hand came to rest at the top of his thigh, letting the tips of her finger gently graze his hardness.

“Soon. Very soon, baby.”


	22. Q&A

He had a very hard time focusing on the road in front of him, when driving home in the darkness. The mornings chat with his closest coworker and friends had led to a very pleasant lunch with his other half. Seeing Jessie’s confused reaction to Andy and Jeffrey’s mischievous sent a shockwave of arousal straight down to his groin and he speed up just a little bit more to get home quicker. The Tiger pretty much knew the way back home on its own and he barley had to think about where he was going.

He drove into the garage, dismounted the bike, took off his helmet and turned around towards the door into the house and got attacked by a pair of arms around his waist and Jessie’s lips on his, demanding his full attention.

“Holly shit, babe….!”

“How the hell did you think I would react to the fact that you brought 2 of your friends for lunch and all three of you did was eye-fucking the shit out of me for 1,5 hours!”

He staggered back and got hold of the bike behind him to keep himself on his feet. Her fingers fumbled with the zipper on his jacket and the moment she managed to tear it from his body and it joined the helmet already on the concrete floor, he gave up trying to hold back. He grabbed her tightly by the neck with both hands and deepened the kiss that it made them both pant and moan. Somehow, he managed to ask about Melodi and she quickly told him she was asleep and he was able to focus all his thoughts and feelings towards his wife.

She was conveniently enough only dressed in a pair of PJ shorts and a sports bra and he quickly made Jessie turn around, holding on to her hair and bent her over the bike. He groaned in appreciation as he watched her fine backside. She tilted her head to one side and looked back at him and the intensity in her eyes made him let out a deep growl as he let one hand slide down between her shoulder blades, towards her ass.

“Fuck me, baby. Please, Norman.”

Her pleading words set his groin on fire and he didn’t even bother to pull down his jeans, he simply opened the button, zipped down the fly and worked his manhood out.

“Easy, babe I’m coming.”

In one quick movement, he slid the shorts down around her ankles and wasted no time whatsoever. He slipped inside her effortlessly and he held his breath as the warmth and so extremely familiar tightness made their two bodies join.

“Fuck, J!”

He grabbed hold of her hips and began to move in long and hard thrusts. He watched as she fingernails scraped the leather seat and she moaned.

“Fuck, I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Jess.”

He entwined his fingers in her hair and tugged, making her cry out and arch her back towards him. They started to move together, harder and faster and soon sweat started to break out on her back. She surprised him by climaxing violently around him all of a sudden. Usually, he would be able to tell when she was close and she would be very vocal about it but this time it came out of the blue. It seemed it even surprised her a little bit and he saw her upper body almost froze as she stopped breathing for a few seconds and he stopped his thrusts.

“You ok….? Oh, shit, J… Sweet Jesus, you’re tight, babe!”

“Don’t stop!”

He started to giggle when she yelled out to him and turned her head around and glared at him. He leaned forward, pushing himself deep inside her once more, and grabbed her jaw hard before kissing her deep.

“You’re fucking amazing, woman.”

He tugged at her lower lip with his teeth as he let her go and she whimpered when he slowly pulled out. He saw her open her mouth to speak and he knew she was going to tell him to go faster and harder. Before she could protest, however, he slammed back inside her and she cried out and shut her eyes tightly. Once more he entwined his hand on her hair and held on tightly to her while he continued with this slow but hard torture that made her legs tremble.

He felt the familiar tingling and incredible feeling of release start at the tip of his toes and work its way all up the rots of his hair. When she fell over the edge for a third time, he followed with such a loud curse he was worried it would wake Melodi.

                                            -------------------------------------------

He walked up the crib at the foot of their bed and watched his angel peacefully snooze away with both arms resting at the side of her head. His naked feet made no noise on the carpet but he still tiptoed and behind him, he heard Jessie giggle quietly from the bed. He dried his wet hair on the white towel while watching every inch of her face.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

“About what?”

He whispered back and wondered why Jessie didn’t whisper too. He turned his head and look at her over his shoulder, frowning slightly.

“Come on, Norm, you know she can sleep through thunder and hurricanes.”

It took a second for her statement to sink in but when it did, he realized she was right.

“My brain isn’t working that well tonight. Sorry, love.”

He said, not whispering anymore and walked back to the bed and joined his wife. She sniggered and crossed her legs under herself as she leaned back against the headboard of the bed.

“Something else on your mind?”

Her words were teasing.

“Fuck yeah.”

“Are you sure about this, though? I mean I just got back and…We can wait.”

“Why?”

“Cause I just got back.”

“Are you bailing?”

“No. I just want to make sure you’re ok with this. It’s been a couple of fucked up weeks and-“

“I need to get back to some kind of normal as soon as possible, J.”

“And watching me fuck someone else, is normal?”

“When you say it like that it sounds so fucked up, but yeah, essential… I know how fucked up this is and that you’re probably right, that we shouldn’t do this now. But…”

He trailed off and sat heavily at the side of the bed. She searched his face for a moment and he looked back at her.

“But?”

“I need to know you’re back. That you’re really you.”

“And you’re thinking asking me to participate in a threesome with your best friends is a good way to figure that out.”

His eyes popped a little as she spoke and it wasn’t a question. She simply agreed with him it seemed. He nodded and they ended up watching each other for a long moment. Finally, she spoke again.

“That’s pretty fucked up. You’re pretty fucked up, baby.”

It took him half a heartbeat to realize she was teasing him. When he did, he burst out laughing and she followed.

“We’re a fucking match made in heaven, aren’t we? You’re just as fucked up as I am, J.”

“I might even be worse.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“I want to do it if you’re sure about this. I mean really sure, Norman.”

“I’m sure. Andy questioned my sanity too, by the way.”

“I’m sure he did.”

“He said the same things you said but when I explained to him, he was all onboard.”

“Are we keeping this to ourselves? Or is Andy telling Gale?”

“Oh no, baby. This will be our little secret this time around.”

He leaned in close to her and kissed her under her left ear. She giggled but looked firmly at him when he pulled away.

“I know Gale is ok with this but what about Hillarie?”

“Don’t worry about it, baby.”

“But I do worry about it. You’re saying Jeff’s not going to ask her?”

“Why do you worry about it? It’s his problem, right?”

“How can you say that? This’s your idea and not everyone takes sex as easy as you and I do.”

“It’s just sex, Jess.”

“ _I_ know that. And you and Andy know that but I’m not so sure about Hillarie. I don’t know her that well.”

“You didn’t know Gale.”

“It was different back then. I just fucked Andy cause he annoyed me and pissed me off. It didn’t bother me that he was married.”

“And it does now with Jeff?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Why doesn’t it bother you?”

“Because I know it’s just sex. He loves his wife to the moon and back, J. He would never leave her or hurt her in any way.”

“But this is cheating.”

“Is it?”

“Yes!”

“There’s no feelings involved and it’s a one-time thing to… Heat things up. Andy’s sexlife with his wife has never been as good as after our first time together. But if your moral compass says no, we don’t need to go through with this.”

“I want to do it. It was just easier when I didn’t give a shit about anyone else.”

“It’s just sex, baby.”

He grabbed her by her ankle and tugged her down on her back. She gasped by the sudden change of position as he climbed on top of her.

“Hot. As. Fuck. Sex.”

He sealed each word with kisses trailing down from her ear to her throat and chest.

“They’re going to make you scream, baby. Scream and beg like you’ve never done before and once they’re done with you, you’re all mine.”

His hand found a boob and he pinched her nipple between two fingers.

“I don’t think you’re going to make it.”

She said, moaning quietly as his lips and teeth explored her other boob.

“Oh, no? Why is that?”

“Cause you won’t be able to resist.”

He stopped his trail of kisses further south down her body when she spoke. His hand in the little pubic hair she had, traveled back to her belly and he realized her breasts.

“You wanna beat?”

He asked, leaning away from her. Her eyes were huge in surprise as he watched her and he barley repressed a snigger at her expression. She seemed genuine shocked that he had stopped and maybe even a bit frustrated. She composed herself quickly though and smirked at him.

“Fuck yeah.”

“Ok. If I can resist, wait it out and just watch until Andy and Jeffrey are all done with you, they get to stay behind and watch us. Maybe film it.”

“And what if I win?”

“If you win…? You’re not gonna win.”

“When I win, I get to post one of many embarrassing videos of you trying to dance and sing.”

“Deal!”

He held out his hand and they shook, both looking extremely determent that they would win. He knew he was probably going to lose but he would fight the urge with every fiber in his body this time around. To practice, he kissed her quickly once before simply crawling under the covers, turned of the lights and said goodnight.

                                            --------------------------------

Andy felt slightly sick to his stomach after spending yet another evening browsing the World Wide Web to figure out what people wanted to know about his best friend and his wife. He really couldn’t call them fans anymore. He knew it was unfair and that it really wasn’t true, but a few people had the ability to look everyone bad. Some comments online were so horrific and insulting, Andy had had to stop searching. He was glad however, that Jessie had given him the task and deciding not to read it herself. It was the last thing she needed right now.

_I’m done looking up questions. Can’t do more of this shit. When you want them?_

He sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up his phone and texted Jessie. Behind him, he felt his wife turn around and her hand landed on his back.

“You’re ok?”

“Yeah. I just can’t believe how mean people can be.”

_Sorry to put this on you…_

_I don’t mind. Better me than you but people are pretty fucked up_

_Yeah… Mingus’s coming down Friday, so we were thinking about doing this thing Friday night. Just e-mail me the questions_

_Will do_

_Thank you, Andy_

_Of course, J. Good night, see you tomorrow_

_Coming out in the afternoon. Have a doctor’s appointment with Mel in the morning_       

_Is she ok?_

_Of course. Just a normal check up_

_Ok, good. Love you_

_Love you 2_

“Are they really going to do this?”

“Yeah.”

Andy put the phone back on the beside table and crawled into bed, facing Gale and put an arm around her back.

“Friday night. You won’t believe some of the things people write online. It’s insane. Someone had written a fucking obituary and drawn a picture of her corps.”

Gale’s eyes widened in shock and her face turned into grimes of disgusts. And he couldn’t blame her at all, he felt the same.

“That’s sick.”

“Tell me about it… I know you said you were ok with it but I’m going to keep asking.”

“And I’m going to keep telling you that it’s ok, Andrew. If you want to do this again, it’s ok with me. I really do understand why you wanna be with her again.”

“It doesn’t mean-“

“I know you love me, baby. It’s not about that.”

“No, it’s just sex… It’s still pretty fucked up that Norman even suggested it now but I get it in some sense.”

“It is pretty fucked up. But it’s always been like that between them. I’m going join Jessie for Melodi’s doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning.”

“You are?”

“Yes. She asked if I wanted to come this morning.”

“Great. Just be careful. There’s a lot of freaks out there and Jessie’s a pretty popular target at the moment.”

“We can take care of ourselves, Andy. And I’m pretty sure Tim is coming too.”

“Yeah, I guess… Does this mean you’re not mad at her anymore?”

“Maybe a little. But she has made a remarkable recovery and I’m really proud of her. Still a bit mad, but mostly proud.”

“Me too.”

“We should get some sleep.”

“Yes. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

                                            -----------------------------------

Mingus was a blessing in so many ways but the biggest blessing was to see Melodi’s expression when she picked up on someone else besides her father coming home Friday afternoon. Jessie sat feeding Melodi sweet potato mash in the kitchen when father and son walked through the front door, laughing and talking loudly. Their voices carried all the way into the kitchen and the moment she heard her big brother’s voice, she started to jump and wave her arms around so violently, she knocked the spoon full of food out of Jessie’s hand and knocked over the bottler of water in front of her. She gave up a shrike that made Jessie want to cover her ears.   

“Holly crap! Someone’s excited.”

Jessie looked up from the floor, where she bent to pick up the fallen spoon and wiping the mess that her daughter made, and greeted Mingus with a strained smile. She was in desperate need of a nap after spending half the night rocking a teething baby.

“Hey!”

“You ok?”

He asked and hurried over to help her. Melodi didn’t appreciate this though and Jessie quickly directed Mingus to his sister instead, telling him she was fine but that Melodi probably wouldn’t be unless he smothered her with love.

The young man was not hard to convince and he directed his attention to the exciting girl in the highchair instead. Moments later, when Jessie was done cleaning up the mess and straighten up again, Melodi was in Mingus arms being hugged and kissed over and over. And Jessie’s heart melted in her chest at the sight. Hearing and seeing her daughter so happy and laughing made it all worth it and she dropped everything in her hands and walked straight up to the kids and joined in their embrace.

“Group hug!”

Her husband gave her half a second heads up before crushing her and probably the rest of the members of their family in a tight bearhug. Jessie freed herself first and ducked under Norman’s arm and away from the hug.

“It’s so good to see you again, Mingus.”

Mingus struggled with not dropping his little sister as she suddenly moved like a maniac in his arms to get to her father. Thankfully Norman was so close, he managed to grab her and Mingus turned his attention to Jessie.

“It’s great to be back. I’ve missed you guys.”

“We’ve missed you too. Her especially. How are you? Do you want something to eat?”

“No, I’m good. I ate on the plane. And dad just told me, Melodi and I are invited over to Jeffrey’s tonight for dinner while you spill the beans to the world.” 

“Only if you’re ok with it.”

“Of course, no problem. As long as I get to spend some time with her, I really don’t care where it is.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. But you need to get some sleep before that, Jessie. No offence, but you look like crap.”

She chuckled at his words and reached out and placed her hand on top of his and squeezed it for a second. 

“I feel like crap. I got like 3 hours sleep last night. She’s teething.”

“Oh… Well, go lay down then. We’re fine.”

“I know you are. Thank you, Mingus.”

“Of course, Jess.”

She was halfway down the hallway towards the bedroom when Norman called out for her and she heard fast feet approaching from behind. She stopped and turned around to face him.

“Yeah?”

He staggered to a halt in front of her but instead of answering her, he grabbed the side of her face and leaned in and kissed her. Before she could really comprehend what happened, he pushed her up against the wall and the other hand grabbed her ass as he deepened the kiss further. She got lost in his addicted kisses and when he finally pulled away, she was slightly out of breath. He smiled when she found his eyes and he caressed her face with his knuckles and kissed her nose.

“I just wanted to say hi to my beautiful wife, so…Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Has she eaten?”

“No formula since about noon but a half a banana and some sweet potato mash just now.”

“Ok.”

“And she hasn’t slept at all.”

“So some food and sleep should be a good idea?” 

“Yes and-“

“I’ll take care of it, J. Go and get some sleep. We’ll be fine.”

“Ok, thank-“

“No, don’t thank me. She’s my daughter and you let me sleep through the night, it’s the least I can do now.”

“Fine. Just don’t let me sleep for too long, it’ll mess things up.”

“I know. I’ll come wake you up in two hours.”

“Thank you.”

She placed her hand on his chest for a second and kissed his check as she walked past him and continued to the bedroom. Closing the door behind her, she couldn’t lose the stupid grin on her face. She was still waiting for him to break down and start throwing his hate over her. But he was doing the complete opposite and showed his affection for her in so many ways she fell head over heals in love with him each and every day. The feeling of being loved unconditional helped her fall straight to sleep as soon as she placed her head on the pillow and sleep undisturbed until Norman woke her up 2 hours later.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

His hair tickled her face as he leaned down over her and nestled close. She opened her eyes with a smile on her face and moved quickly and caught him of guard as she grabbed him by the arm and tugged him down on top of her.

“You woke me up from an amazing dream.”

“Sorry.”

She sighed and looked up at him, trying to swipe the hair out of his beautiful face but failed as his hand on her lower stomach sudden disappeared under her shirt and begun caressing her skin.

“What was it about?”

“You. And Andy. And Jeffrey. And I won.”

“You’re not going to win, babe.”

“Oh, I think I will.”

“We will see.”

“Do we have time to take a shower?”

“Together? Probably not but we can always make time.”

“Yes, please.”

She said and heard herself beg a little too much. He chuckled and kissed her quickly before bouncing out of bed and stuck his head out the door to call out for Mingus.

“Hey, Mingus?”

“Yeah?”

She heard him answer from somewhere in the living room it sounded like. She could hear Melodi talking as well and the TV was on.

“I’m just gonna jump in the shower, alright? Jessie’s still trying to wake up. Will you be ok for like 15 minutes?”

“Of course.”

“Great, thanks.”

“And, dad…?”

“What?”

“You don’t have to lie. If you want to take a shower with Jessie that’s fine too, cause I know she’s awake.”

Jessie spun around and pressed her laughter into the pillow as she heard Mingus response and Norman’s attempt to say something but he simply stuttered something uncoherent. She turned back around when she heard him close the door and curse to himself.

“You’ve a very intelligent son.”

“He’s driving me fucking insane.”

“I believe that’s his job.”

She sat up on the edge of the bed and they looked at each other. He snorted at her and took a step towards her.

“Well, you both do.”

He said and pulled his shirt away from his body and she moaned by the mere sight of him.

“I’m not sure 15 minute’s going to be enough.”

She said, looking him up and down as he took another few quick steps and invaded her personal space.

“I don’t need more than a minute.”

He said and pushed her down on the bed again with her legs hanging off the edge. He hoovered over her upper body and pushed her shirt out of the way and quickly exposed her boobs. He showed no mercy whatsoever and latched to one nipple with teeth and mouth at the same time as his fingers found their way inside her panties and went straight for her clit. She fumbled for a pillow and found one just in time to scream out her pleasure into it, as he went down on her with a mission to make her cum as quickly and hard as possible.

                                            ----------------------------------

Norman adjusted the laptop and lights for the 100th time in just as many seconds. He was nervous so he tried to occupy himself with whatever he could while he waited for Jessie to finish getting dressed. He still couldn’t believe they were really doing this. He knew they had to and he wanted to explain but to go all this way was new to him. He was mostly nervous about the fact that Jessie had suggested they’d do a live streaming on her Youtube channel. He was pretty good with different new techniques but live streaming was something he hadn’t done before but Jessie had set it all up the day before and apparently, they were all good to go at 8 pm.

“If you’re not ok with doing this, we don’t have to do it.”

He spun around quickly, almost knocking himself over as he moved too fast when he heard Jessie speak out of nowhere. He found her walking towards him, dressed in simple light blue jeans and one of the latest AMC Daryl Dixon tops but his brain still stopped for a second at the sight of her. She stopped too when they looked eyes and both of them started to giggle a little at the same time.

“It’s pretty insane that this can still happen, right?”

She said as she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He wrapped his around her waist and hugged her tightly.

“I’m freaking happy that it still does though.”

“Me too. I love you and I really do mean it. If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to.”

“No, I’m fine. I really don’t know why I’m nervous. I just want to make this right.”

“Of course. I’ll try to be on my best behavior.”

“I know you will, baby. You look awesome by the way.”

He trailed a few light kisses down her throat and nibble lightly on her collarbone.

“Easy, tiger. We’re not doing another sextape right now.”

“No? Well, maybe we should save that for whenever you get together with my buddies.”

“And leave evidence behind? Might not be such a good idea.”

“You know I’ll be taking pictures.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it. But better not start talking about this right now, it’ll just get us both wound up.”

He sighed but knew she was right, as so many times before. He nodded and she did the same back before walking past him. He couldn’t stop himself however, and smacked her ass. She groaned but continued on her way to the sofa and took a seat.

“Are you coming?”

She asked, confused as he walked over to the kitchen and opened up the fridge.

“Yeah. Give me a minute.”     

“What? Are you going to start making drinks now? We go live in like 22-19 seconds.”

“I’m coming. You’d this better than me anyway so you can just start without me.”

“Fine.”

He heard her mutter a little but he chose to ignore it. She wasn’t really angry with him, just slightly annoyed but it would pass. He made himself a rom and coke while listening to his wife introduction.

“Good evening, everyone. Or good morning, afternoon, wherever you are on the planet right now. Here in Senoia, Georgia it’s 8 pm on a Friday night and my husband who’re supposed to sit right next to me decided it was a good time to start making drinks-“

“I’m coming, I’m coming damnit.”

He called from the kitchen and he saw her look over at him and shake her head.

“Yeah, he’s coming. Could you bring me a coke too, please?”

“Sure, babe.”

“Sorry… Anyway, this is the first time I’m trying out this live streaming so I hope it works. As you might have noticed though, we decided to turn off the live chat for the simple reason of not wanting to be overwhelmed with questions and comments. I know you have a lot of them and we gave Andy the task of putting together some of the questions you have. He e-mailed me like 3 pages the other day so I think we’ll be able to cover a lot.”

He leaned over the counter for a moment and watched her talking. Simply stood there and looked at her and marveled over how happy he was that she was back and doing so much better.

“But I think the most obvious question and the one that needs to be addressed is simply what has been going on for the past…2-3 months. It all started back in march-Well, probably sooner but it got real serious back in March. Melodi… Right after Melodi was born everything was-It was too good to be true. Everything was going so well and I was doing really good. The delivery was everything and so much more than we wanted and she was an absolute blessing from the beginning. A perfect little angel who slept and ate and never fussed. Guess that should’ve been enough, right?”

She paused and he could see her start to fidget a little in her seat. She changed position and crawled up with her legs tightly under her and he moved at once. Grabbing both drinks, he moved quickly to the sofa and placed the two glasses on the table before sitting down close to her and put his palm on her thigh.

“Hi…Well, Mr. Norman Reedus ladies and gents.”

He looked straight into the web camera of the laptop and waved.

“Hi, everyone. How are you all doing? Are you sure someone is actually watching this or are we sitting here talking into space? Is it suppose to be a lot of comments and emojis and stuff flying all over the place?”

He tried to lighten the mood and was pleased to hear her chuckle.

“When you’d Facebook live, sure. But I turned off the comments. But you can still see how many are watching. See that little square down there? That’s how many who are watching right now.”

She pointed to a square in the bottom right corner of the laptop and he squinted at the numbers that kept changing. It took him a moment to realize what kind of numbers he was actually looking at.

“Are you fucking kidding me? That’s how many that’s watching? Holly shit! Are you serious? 9,8 million people?!”

“What? Are you getting stage fright?”

“A little, yeah…. Damn.”

He took a zip of his drink to calm his nerves a little. 10 million people were waiting for him to tell the world all their dirty secrets.

“It’s just you and me here, babe. All’em other 10 million are spread out all over cyber space.”

“Well, ok, fine. But you keep going, baby. I caught you off in the middle of something. You were taking about Mel.”

“Yeah…I just need to get this heavy shit out of the way before we move on to anything else. So, right after she was born everything was really great. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“It started with the death threats. I mean, I’ve gotten them for a long time now but after Melodi was born, they started to get a lot more serious and I… I think I started to care a little more. I really haven’t payed much attention to it before, kinda just shrugged it off but when you’ve a kid… A child, it changes things. It changed how I saw the world and how fucked up and dangerous people can be. My priorates changed again. Cause when bring a piece of yourself into this world, all you want is for her to be safe and happy and not have to worry about all the fucked-up shit that’s going on. And it has been some pretty insane stuff that has happened. Since 2006 there has been 2 people in this world that I’ve wanted to keep safe from everything and everyone. This guy sitting right here and his son has been my priority for more than a decade and now… Now there’s a third little person that just came and changed everything. And it got so overwhelming to handle. I’ve already lost one child and having Melodi now just brings all the memories right back. I got so scared of losing her too that I…When we got here and he left for Europe shortly after, I just got to a point where I didn’t sleep. At all. I as awake for a straight 72 hours and got severe sleep deprivations which lead to a complete mental breakdown.”

She paused and reached for her drink. She moved a little closer to him and he reached out towards her and invited her in closer. They glanced at each other and she moved her legs over his lap and he hugged her knees.

“And that was why I left Spain in a little bit of hurry. When I got back home everything was just… Chaos. I was… Scared. Really fucking scared, like I’ve never been before. The worst thing was that I didn’t know what to do to help. I mean the things that… I don’t know, do you even want to talk about this?”

“No and yes but that’s why we’re here, right? Mental illness like depression, anxiety, panic attacks, whatever, is still such a taboo topic to discuss and I’m kinda hoping that I might be able to help just one person… It’s not something to be ashamed of or something to try to hide from. There’s help to get better if you’re ready to ask for it. I wasn’t. I had to cross the line to realize how bad things really were.”

She suddenly moved her left arm and held up her wrist and the red scar was still clearly visible even though it had started to fade.

“This is new. I know I said in the first couple of videos I did that I tried to commit suicide. It was a pretty poor attempt compared to the first time but I wanted it to stop. My brain was playing such horrible tricks on me that I just wanted everything to stop and the only way to make it all stop was to end my life. That was how far gone I was when he got back from Europe. It didn’t matter that he was here, that we have a newborn daughter. Nothing matter because all I saw when I closed my eyes were Melodi burning and Norman and Mingus dying and everyone else just… Dissapearing.”

“As a bystander you feel completely helpless. I didn’t know what to do and I thought I had taken precautions, hidden all the knife in the house and all that… Fuck, this is so…Sorry…”

He trailed off when he felt himself tear up and get too emotional to go on. He knew Jessie was right, that they could probably help someone else just by talking about this but talking about it made so much real all over again.

“We don’t have to go into detail. I cut my wrist open with a broken piece of glass and it had to happen. I wish I hadn’t gone that far but once the thought turned into action and I had actually done it, I… Somehow found it in me to try to heal. The first time, after my family died, I had no one that deepened on me. No one would miss me. This time it was different. He was just outside the door, kicked it in infect to get to me and it made all the difference. This time I’ve people who love me. I’ve a family that needs me. I’m not sure why from time to time but they’re still here and they love me despite all the fucked-up shit that has happened and they have been an incredible support through all of this.”

“And I hope you can all understand why I felt the need to distance myself from everything but my family for a while. I know that it was sudden and really without explanation but at the time there was only one thing on my mind and that was literally to save her life. Because that was how bad things were. I needed to focus on what matter the most and that’s my family. It will always be my number one priority. My kids… Melodi, Mingus and Jessie will always come first and I’m sorry if that somehow offend anyone or if people don’t understand it but it has always been like that. But for the past year our life together has been a lot more public, making people think they suddenly know everything. And for some reason it also gives them a right to have an opinion on everything. I love my fans and I’m extremely thankful for each and everyone of you but I’m only human. I’ve a wife and 2 beautiful kids that I love above everything else in the world. And I know a lot of you will call this complete bull shit but they make me a better person… I stayed away from anything social media related for almost 2 months but a lot of shit has reached me anyway. I know a lot of you blame her for Daryl’s death. That she somehow would have threatened me to choose between her and the show. That’s just-“

“Bullshit!”

Jessie filled in. He turned and looked at her, smirking a little to himself as a memory of her being in his trailer, wearing his west and the west only. He cleared his throat when he realized he had been staring at her a little too long and she nudge him a little with her knee.

“What? You didn’t want to get ride of Daryl Dixon, babe?”

He teased and ran his thumb over her knee, making her twitch and trying to move away from his touch.

“Don’t…! No, never. I could’ve lived with Daryl Dixon for another 10 years.”

“Yeah. So, no she did not ask me to quit the show. She would never, have never and will never ask me to change anything when it comes to anything work related. She has the out most respect for everything I do. And vise versa. Jessie has always supported me and without her there wouldn’t have been a Daryl Dixon in the first time. It’s been one hell of a journey and she has been there from the beginning.”

“I’ve a question.”

“I thought the fans were the once who got to ask the questions.”

“I know but I just realized I’m not sure I know the answer to this… Are you happy with the way Daryl died? You know, was it the way you wanted him to go? Fuck that fact that either of us actually wanted him to go but now he did, were you ok with the way it all ended?”

He took a moment to really look at her before answering. Slowly he nodded and drank a little more of the drink in his hand.

“Yeah. Despite that fact that I didn’t want it to end… Yeah, sure I’m happy with how the whole things turned out. I always knew that if Daryl ever died, he would die fighting, you know? There really wasn’t any other way for him. He has always fought so it’s came pretty natural for him, I think, to go out fighting. And fighting for the people he loves, for the once that became his family. He did the same thing Merle did, fighting and sacrificing himself so that others, his family, could live. What about you?”          

“Yeah, I am too but come on! What about that sex scene? I really missed a steaming hot make out session in the woods. That would’ve made it all alright. After that, I really wouldn’t care how the hell he went out.”

“Geez, thanks, babe…”

“But it would’ve been so awesome! I mean, we didn’t even get a shower scene-“

“I was butt naked in a fucking cell for half an episode.”

“Yeah, but that was just depressing and sad.”

“Who would you have me make out in the woods with then?”

“Jesus of course!”

He groaned and rolled his eyes to the heavens. He knew what her answer was going to be but he still liked to show his annoyance at her choice. She hit him with the back of her hand in the chest and told him to shut up but it just made him chuckle and she glared at him and he finally gave in and shrugged.

“Fine… I get it, Tom is very hot.”

“Yes, he is.”

“Could we move on to the actual fan questions now?”

“What? You want to avoid talking about how sexy Tom is…? But, alright sure. Go ahead.”

She nodded her head towards the table and he spotted a piece of paper lying there. He reached for it, placing his glass on the table as he took them. He quickly eyed through row after row with questions and got slightly lightheaded. He decided to make things easy and just start at the top and work his way down.

“Ok. So this will sort of be a follow up question to everything we just talked about… Did you leave your newborn daughter alone for a month and if so, what made you leave….? Come on, people, that’s just rude! As far as I’m aware it takes two people to make a baby and its also both of their responsibility to care for and raise that baby once its born. So no, she didn’t leave _our_ newborn daughter alone. She was with me and her big brother and uncles and grandmother and other family members most of the time.”

“Yeah, I knew she was in good hands. I wasn’t fit to take care of her and thank the lord, she has the most incredible father on the planet. But I think y’all need to remember one thing and that is that I didn’t chose this. It’s not like I make the choice to let my mind stay so fucking messy. I never asked for my family to get blown to pieces. If I could choose I would’ve been on the plane with them but I wasn’t and I had to find a way to live my life without them. I know that’s what they would’ve wanted me to do. And because I got the help I needed at the right time and because of a handful of people in my life, I’m where I’m today. This guy right here is the reason I’m alive today. He also happens to be the reason why I decided to leave Melodi about 5 weeks ago. Without getting in too much detail, because some part of this has to be kept between just the two of us, but he got to a point where he asked me to leave. He had had enough of my shit and for once I decided to listen. I knew I had to do what was best for Melodi and at that point I couldn’t be the mother she deserved. I had to find a way to heal on my own. Because up to that point we had stayed lucked up here Georgia and I had my therapist here with me. I left for New York when I figured out there were no one who could save me but me. Only I can save me. And I did it for her and for Norman and Mingus and Andy and Sean and so many more people that has come to mean the world to me. They deserved so much more and for me to ever be able to even think about asking for their forgives for all this fucked up shit, I knew I had to fix myself, find myself again.”

“How the hell is that you can talk this much all of a sudden?”

He looked at her with astonishment. She giggled and looked away from him for a second.

“I’ve already written all this down a few times and you know that once I get it down in writing, it’s easier to talk about it.”

“Fair enough. Next one. How was your experience delivering your daughter to the world…? Terrifying!”

Jessie choked a little on her coke as Norman spoke and he made her laugh. She coughed herself into speech after a moment, still laughing.

“My memories are a bit fussy to be honest because it went so fucking fast.”

“Yeah…. It was fucking insane! And unfortunately for y’all we’ll keep most of that to ourselves but it was a homebirth because, you know, this one is out of her mind and wants to find out how many times she can give me a heart attack before I die.”

“Come on, baby you were awesome…. But yeah, it was such incredible experience and everything I wanted and still so much more. It was just the two of us, Mingus and a midwife and it was really relaxed. You know, despite the fact that I felt like I was torn apart. But it really was a blessing to be able to be just us, intimate and so full of love and affection.”

“Who came up with the name Melodi and does it have any special meaning…? I had the honor to name her and since we had only talked about having a M name, because of Mingus, Melodi fitted pretty good right away. From the beginning, when I first met Jessie, she always listened to music and was pretty obsessed at times with the lyrics to songs so Melodi sort of just sprang to mind the moment I saw her.”

“And I really wasn’t that hard to convince.”

“Nope… When did you really start dating?”

“Well, by my account I would say January 17th 2016\. And yes, before everyone goes into a frenzy and start google, I was on the first Walker Stalker cruise with him. We got back together after spending the holidays apart and somehow things changed that morning. Once again, you had had enough and pretty much set an ultimatum and we decided to give it another try. And it turned out to be the best damn decision I ever made.”

“What’s your comments on all the rumors about your relationship being abusive and fucked up? Wow, there’s really no sugarcoating this… Well, for starters, don’t believe everything you hear and read. Most of the time people don’t know shit and they’re only looking for attention. Second, whatever happened between the two of us in the past, is in the past and it doesn’t really matter now. We probably haven’t gone the… traditional way when it comes to… You know, getting from where we started to where we are now. There has been a lot of bumps and bruises along the way. Both emotional and physical. It hasn’t been an easy ride but it has been worth it. Every damn thing has been worth it to get to where we are right now.”

“Did I take a swing at Diane Kruger…? Really, Andy did you choose some of these questions just to fucking mess with me? Yes. Yes, I took a swing at her. Not one of my proudest moment and not to make excuses but I was a pretty bad place at the time and I had too much to drink and everything just…Got out of hand. She was nice enough not to press charges.”

“What’s the meaning of your Instagram posts the last month…? Well, it’s been kinda our things since we first meet, right?”

“Yeah. I was really shitty at communicating back then. I’m still pretty bad but I’ve gotten better at it. But in the beginning when I wasn’t sure how to explain what I felt or wanted, I communicated through song lyrics or movie quotes. And it sort of just became a thing we did.”

She glanced over to the next question and before he could look too, she started to laugh and snatched the papers out of his hand.

“I love you, Andrew Clutterbuck… Normski, how many Backstreet Boys song have you quoted the last couple of weeks?”

“Fuck you, Andy…”

He muttered under his breath and rolled his head. Jessie nudge him and stared at him, grinning like a fool.

“Answer the question, baby.”

“This is what happens when you two spend too much time together and decide to team up on me.”

“I’ve nothing to do with this, I swear!”

“Sure, babe… Yeah, ok.”

He sighed deeply and looked away from the laptop and over to something he really didn’t see.

“It’s probably… Like 3 or 4 times. It’s what happens when spending a decade with you. I’ve done a lot of things I never would’ve done if you hadn’t been in my life. Including listening to way too much boyband music and actually learning the damn songs.”

“You’d know the dance moves too.”

He leaned away from her and stared at her with wide eyes.

“Maybe 5 years ago I did.”

“Oh, I think you remember. It’s like riding a bike, once you learn, you remember how it’s done.”

“Easy, J if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you haven’t’ won the beat yet, so hold your damn horses. I ain’t dancing with you tonight.”

“Fine... What was the hardest part of being a single parent?”

He tilted his head a little and gave it a second thought before starting to answer the question.

“It was probably just the thing itself. You know, being alone. I know I really wasn’t, I had a lot of family all around that wanted to help but I tried to do as much as I could on my own. I had to, for Melodi and for Jess. It wasn’t an easy time, far from it but I learned a lot about myself and about our daughter. At the same time as I had to try to focus on Melodi, I was worried sick about her. I mean we’ve had some really tough times but this… Went so far beyond everything else. This has been the most… Trying time in my life. The reason why we choose to go out like this is mostly because of all the hate and threats that has been directed towards my wife, frankly since we went public with our relationship. But since we got married and Melodi was born things have escaladed to the point where I can’t turn a blind eye to it anymore. The death threats were what started this whole thing and Jessie believes that trying to explain to you guys will make things easier. And hopefully see that we’re just an ordinary family, maybe under some extraordinary circumstances, loving and supporting each other everyday and in everything.”

“You’re gonna make me cry…”

He looked over at her and watched as her eyes stared to get glassy. For what reason, he wasn’t really sure but he took her hand and kissed her knuckles and they got lost in each other gaze for a moment. Then he remembered 10 million people around the world was watching them and probably wanted some more answers to their questions.

“Well, this will not help then… Are Melodi anything like her big brother’s?”

“Fuck…”

Jessie gave a heavy sigh, smiling and wiped her eye quickly.

“Sorry. Andy’s an asshole.”

“Come on now, he did good, babe.”

She turned around and crawled into his arms, leaning her head back against his chest and took his arm and placed it tightly around herself. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head before she started talking.

“She is a lot like her brothers actually. I don’t know how Mingus was as a baby but she’s pretty similar to what Jacob was as a baby, she’s pretty calm and happy most of the time. At the moment though, she looks a lot like Mingus. Right?”

He nodded when she tilted her head a little and looked up at him.

“She has quiet the temper though when she doesn’t get what she wants fast enough. And she’s a daddy’s girl through and through. I mean she was even before I left and it’s the best thing in the world.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean seeing you together. How your whole face just light’s up as soon as you see her and vice versa.”

“She got me wrapped around her little finger.”

“Yes, she does… And I hope we’ll never get this damn question again because this is the last time we’ll answer it. Is Melodi Norman’s biological daughter…? Fuck yes!”

“Yes, yup, yeah, si, oui, ja, hai, da… I don’t know any other way to say fuck yes. Melodi is our biological daughter. We made a person together and she’s fucking perfect.”

“She really is…. Ok, let’s make things a little more fun and if you’ve kids nearby, you might want to cover their ears for this one. As we’re on the topic of making babies… You seem to have a pretty steaming sex life, where’s the crazies place you have ever had sex?”

“Craziest…? Hmm… I’ve a feeling we’re not going to answer the same thing on this.”

“Probably not.”

“We’re member of the Mile High Club but that’s not really that crazy. Sex on an airplane restroom is mostly just complicated and uncomfortable, you know except from the good parts of actually having sex.”

He sniggered and slipped one hand under her shirt and caressed her soft skin of her lower belly.

“I’ve an answer. Without giving too much away it involves a pretty insane and filthy set from a few seasons back of the Walking Dead.”

He realized the second he said the words, that he had messed up and given away a little too much about their past. He knew most people had figured out they hadn’t just been dating for a year but to let it slip that they had been fucking already then was a bit of a mistake. It could’ve been something worse though and he simply cursed under his breath and shook his head while Jessie giggled.

“God damnit, baby you slipped up.”

“Sorry… Well, everyone already knows that we’ve been on this ride for a while now.”

“I know but you just confirmed it was more than friendship. I’m guessing you’re thinking about a certain set during season 4 and 5?”

“Yes.”

“And you who are any kind of TWD fans, know season 4 and 5 were shoot about 4 years ago. Since we first meet back in 2006 we’ve had a bad habit of… Ending up having… A lot of one-night stand, for a lack of a better word. Sometimes those one-night stands turned out to be for a week or a month but never much more than that. So yes, the sex has been and still is pretty crazy. Thank God! My craziest memory though is probably from one of our trips to Costa Rica. Sex in the ocean on a public beach in paradise was a pretty insane idea.”

“Ohhhh… Yes, that was pretty crazy.”

“And that one-

“No, don’t! That’s enough sex talk for now. What about the rumors about infidelity?”

“Hmm… Did you ever cheat on me?”

“No. And for as long as we officially have been dating and later one married, she has been completely faithful towards me too. But as far as all the rumors in the past about her cheating on me… Let’s just say that I’ve been taking our relationship a lot more serious for a lot longer than she has.”

“I’ve never had another boyfriend though. Or lover. It was always just causal sex with everyone else. And I get why this pisses people off but frankly I don’t give a shit what other people think about the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’ve learned to live in the present and look only to the future. It has made me happier and more secure as a human being and I hope that more people are able to do the same.”     

“Next question will have to be the last, cause I think we’ve given people quiet a lot of answers already.”

“Agree.”

“Good… What helped you come back from wanting to kill yourself? What did it take to find your way back?”

“Hours and hours of therapy. I spent almost a solid month in therapy, trying different methods and approaches. I was lucky enough to once again, being rescued by the same psychologist that helped me the first time around. I had so much shit to deal with that really never would’ve been sorted out if I hadn’t decided to try therapy. A lot of people think talking to your loved once are enough but if you’re as far gone as I was and really thinking about ending your own life, you’re in desperate need for a professional. They know what questions to ask and how to guide you on your way of feeling better. When I tried to kill myself the first time it was 10 times worse than this but it was still…”

“Hell.”

“Yeah… I found my way back with the help of professional treatment and knowing who was waiting for me once I was well enough. Everything I did was for my family and especially for Melodi, I refused any kind of medications. My recovery might have been quicker if I had given in to antidepressants but I’ve never been a fan of any kind of medication. It messes up my head too much and changes who I am. One of the reasons why I wanted to do this was to shade some light on mental illness and how common it is and to let people out there that they’re not alone. People struggler every single day with their own demons and maybe we shouldn’t be so fast judging each other. You never know what the person you just met, has to deal with on a daily basis. I mean, I had days where I couldn’t get out of bed. Losing control of my own body and mind was the most terrifying thing to ever happen to me. And there were days when I never thought I would get better and see our daughter again. I’m still going to have shitty days, probably always will but thanks to therapy and the most amazing support from family and loved once, I know it’s just for a day or two. I know there’s actually a tomorrow and it’s going to be better. I’m thankful to be alive and to be able to watch Melodi and Mingus grove up. And I’m thankful to you, everyone out there who support us, support me. I love you all.”

“Yeah, thanks guys. We really appreciate your support and thanks for all the questions. You probably still have a lot of questions but this is what you get from us at this time. I’ll see you guys in Nashville in a few weeks…. That’s it?”

He looked down on her and she gave him a swift look before turning back to the laptop and smirked and he knew she was going to say something she shouldn’t. But he didn’t even want to stop her. He loved seeing her true self a little too much.

“And for all your hater out there, sorry, the bitch is back and he’s still all mien so keep your hands to yourself and off my husband. I know y’all want a piece and trust me when I say, I understand why but it ain’t happening, ladies. I’m his and he’s mien. No exceptions.”

“There really isn’t… This crazy human being makes me complete and happy.”

He agreed. 

“Ok, I’m turning this thing off now, cause you’re making me cry and wanting to fuck you at the same time right now.”

His shocked giggle at her words had just begun when she moved swiftly out of his lap, ended the broadcasting, turned of the lap top and moved back into his lap within seconds. She swallowed his nervous laughter and weak protest at her chose of words with a deep kiss as she straddled his lap.


	23. And she dances

_What’s your plans for the weekend?_

Jessie read the text from Gale with a confused frown on her face, twice, before replaying to it.

_Not much… why?_

_Good. We’re taking Melodi for the night and you and your husband can go out on a date_

She turned around with her phone still in hand and tried to locate Norman, who had been behind her in the kitchen just now but when she opened her mouth to ask him, he was nowhere to be found.

“Babe?”

She called out twice before he replayed. She sighed when she realized he got back from checking on Melodi again. He was quite impossible when it came to their daughter. It was late Wednesday night and she had been asleep for the past hour, but still he had to check on her every 10 minute.

“Sorry, what?”

“Why is Gale offering to take Melodi this weekend?”

She followed him with her gaze as he returned to the kitchen and his mission to put together some dinner for them.

“She is?”

To her surprise, he seemed just as surprised as her. Her first thought had been that he had probably talked to Andy and Andy had talked to his wife. But it didn’t seem this was the case.

“Yeah. She says they will take her this weekend so you and I can go on a date.”

“Yes, yes, yes. Please, baby.”

She lifted her gaze from the phone and got startled when he somehow had moved from the kitchen to the living room and the armchair she was occupying. He grabbed her face in both hands and kissed her.

“I need that so fucking bad right now, Jess. Please say yes.”

“You won’t hear me argue. Why this eagerness all of a sudden though?”

He was practically bouncing in front of her and his eyes were begging as he held her face steady to look at her.

“There’s always someone else around. I love that you’ve been on set this week but I want you for myself.”

“You’ve me to yourself now.”

“Yes and no. She’s always here. Don’t get me wrong, I love our daughter but I really need a date night.”

 

“Me too.”

“Good.”

“So I can tell Gale to prepare for a weekend with no sleep and-“

“She’ll do fine, Jessie. She’s probably just tired of you and me right now. She loves those kids, they will keep her busy. But yeah, tell’em we’ve no problem giving her away for the night.”

“Sure.”

_Thank you_ _♥_ _we really appreciate it_

_I still remember how things were when the kids were Mel’s age. You need some serious alone time, right?_

_So fucking bad. Thank you so much_

_You just gotta ask, J_

_I know. I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll figure everything out_

_Sounds good. Have a good night_

_You too :)_

“What’re we going to do though? I really would like to get out of this place.”

She said and turned away from her texting and found Norman back in the kitchen. She grabbed her glass of wine and joined him, leaning over the breakfast bar and watch his fine backside. That he was shirtless didn’t really help her thoughts to stay on the topic of protentional dating sights.

“I’m not sure. But yeah getting out of here sounds like a good idea. I’ll figure something out.”

“You? Are you going to plan date night?”

She sounded a little more uncertain than she wanted and it made him turn around and narrowing his eyes a little at her.

“Since when has my dates not been awesome?”

“I didn’t… I just… It’s been a while. Whatever you decided, I’m sure it will be great, baby.”

“It will. I’ve 3… Well, 2 and a half days to plan.”

“Wow, you really are taking this serious.”

He sighed and turned back to stove and started to plate up their food. He spoke again when he sat down opposite her and handed her the food.

“You were the one saying how important it was for us to be more than just parents. Has that changed somehow?” 

“No-no, of course not. I-“

For whatever reason she felt interrogated all of a sudden and it made her uneasy. His words where a little sharp and irritated. She knew he had been working almost 12 hours straight and on days like these, his patients usually were a little shorter but these mood swings were giving her whiplash.

“I want that, Jessie. I need that part to work too.”

“Of course.”

She reached across and grabbed his hand. He only held it for a second before resuming his eating and she tried to shrug it off and not snap at him. The anger boiled inside her and she wanted nothing more than to start a fight but instead she stabbed the piece of fish on her plate a little too hard and resuming eating as well.

She was almost done and had just started to move out of her chair when he pinned her down with angry eyes.

“Why the hell aren’t you arguing back?”

She cleared her throat quietly and sat back down, looking straight back at him.

“Because you’re looking for a fight for no reason and trust me when I say, I want to argue back so fucking bad but we both know it’s not going to-“

“Is it enough?”

His question was calm enough but still had an edge to them. She wasn’t sure what he was looking for.

“What is?”

“Is it just sex? Is fucking enough for you?!”

He stood furiously, collected his plate and took a few quick steps towards the sink and dumped the dishes with a bang.

“Holly crap, Norman! Where the fuck did that come from? Are you fucking serious?”

She knew she could regret it, but she couldn’t let this slide. He was probably just making things up as he went just because he needed to yell at her for something else entirely but hadn’t find the courage to do it yet.

“Well, it’s the only good things we’ve been doing since you got back, isn’t it?! And you said it yourself, you’re a fucking sex addict! So, is that all you want?”

“Yes! Of course it is! All I ever wanted was your fucking dick!”

She stood too and walked right up to him while she yelled at him. She tried to make him realize how insane his accusations sounded by mocking him but he didn’t bite.

“It’s all we do, Jessie! It all YOU want to do!”

“You’re not really hard to convince! You’re not making any sense at all right now, Norman. What the fuck is that you’re so pissed about? Really? Since when have us fucking too much ever been an issue?!”

“That’s just it.”

“What?!”

She threw out both arms in frustration.

“We just fuck!”

“And that’s a problem, because?”

“We don’t make love anymore.”

Whatever she had expected to hear from him, this was not it and she swallowed her angry replay at his words and let a surprised ‘oh’ escape instead. She felt herself relax and so did he, when he finally had been able to voice what he really was pissed about.

“Ever since you got back we haven’t made love. Not once. It’s always so fucking hot and quick and just… I love that too but I want more than just to fuck you, J.”

“I love y-“

“I know you love me, Jessie. I’ve no doubt about that at all but it’s like you turn that off once we start having sex.”

“But you-“

“I know I haven’t said anything, ok?! But I’m fucking telling you n-“

“Ok, ok, ok, I’m sorry.”

She took a careful step forward and tried to ease her way close to him. He watched her and still glared a little but didn’t try to move away. After a few seconds of silence and some intense begging from her part, he sighed and she took this an invitation and carefully placed her hands on his hips.

“I thought that was what you needed. I mean, you suggesting a threesome and all that… I just assumed you wanted the craziness. All the… You know, the way it was before.”

“I don’t. Not all the time.”

“And you tell me I need to be better at communicating.”

She giggled and nudge him a little. He protested at once though and stepped away from her.

“No, not tonight. Sorry, I’m still going to be mad.”

She groaned as he stepped around her and away from her, but inside she was smiling just a little bit.

“Fine… Are you going to be mad enough that you want me to sleep somewhere else tonight?”

Without turning around to face him, she could tell he had stopped and were watching her from somewhere between kitchen and living room.

“No, not that mad.”

“Ok, good. I just need to finish all the preparations for Nashville and I’ll come to bed… Just to make sure though… You do not want me to get into bed with you and give you the most amazing blow jo-“

“For fucks sake, J! Shut your fucking mouth!”

He cut her off angrily but as she turned around to watch him walk away from her, she saw that him stop just before she would lose him from view. Just for a second but he made sure she could see the grin on his face before walking off to the bedroom.

She poured herself a second glass of wine and after deciding to leave the dishes for tomorrow morning, returned to her laptop. Taking on the full-time job to make sure her husband’s professional life could actually function alongside his private life was proving a little more of a challenge than she had expected. It took her almost 2 hours to organize the whole Nashville weekend but when she was finally done, she was pretty satisfied with her work. A little crossed eyed because of being too tired but she stopped by Melodi’s room and peeked inside. For the past 2 days, they had moved her into her own room and it was going surprisingly good this far. She was indeed sound asleep and Jessie just made sure the monitor was working, before heading over to the master bedroom.

It was pitch dark but she was so familiar with their bedroom that she found her way to the bathroom without a problem. She took her time in there, lingering on the weird fight that Norman had started. She was confused about why he hadn’t talked or showed her about these feelings until now. It was weird to her that he wanted to share her but at the same time starting to yell at her because of this at the same time. It didn’t make much sense to her but she decided to just give him some space and time to maybe make him figure out himself. She was pretty sure this was going to come back and bite her in the ass a few more times in the near future.

She had always struggled with the concept of lovemaking. It didn’t come as easy to her as the rough and steaming sex did. And with Norman it had been rough from the beginning. It was what they did. Fucked. Hard. And they had always rather aimed for quantitate than quality. Norman had pointed this out before and they had had a few absolute amazing tumbles in bed but she usually grew tired of it a lot quicker than he did. Whenever she had tried to spice things up again, he had never protested. But then, why the hell would he? She knew he loved their sexlife just as much as she did but if he wanted something else, she would’ve to try to give it to him. It wasn’t like she didn’t know how to make love to him. She just preferred fucking him.

She stripped down to only panties before crawling into bed. He was breathing deep, apparently asleep, with his back turned to her. It annoyed her a little that he was still pissed at her. Otherwise he would sleep closer to her side of the bed, always facing her and most of the time holding her but not tonight. And her stubbornness made her turn her back to him too and she hugged herself and closed her eyes.

They were back the second she drifted off to sleep. Jacob’s screams and the panic she felt when she couldn’t find him, made her force herself to wake up right away. Even though she must have been asleep less than a minute, her heart was racing and her breathing so shallow it felt like she couldn’t get enough air down her lungs. Quickly she scrambled around and tugged hard at Norman’s shoulder. He snatched his arm away from her and moved angrily further away from her. She simply moved with him and quickly slid under his cover and pressed herself tightly to his back, wrapping one hand hard around his waist. She just needed to hold on to him, feeling his skin to hers and she knew she would find her calm again.

“What the fuck, J….!”

He tried to pray her arm away but haltered at once when he must have picked up on her quick and labored breathing. She felt his anger melt away under her touch and within a second, he had spun around and wrapped his entire body around her and she was safe. He saved her from herself once more and she found her breathing quickly and her mind cleared up at once. He kissed her hair and whispered ‘I love you’ over and over to her until she fell asleep.

                                            --------------------------

He woke up with his bad conscience kicking him extremely hard in the guts. Jessie didn’t appear to have moved at all but was still crunched together in a fetal position in his arms. At least she had slept calmly through the night. Melodi was starting to wake up and before she could start crying loud enough to wake her mother, Norman carefully realized Jessie and slipped out of bed.

Melodi surprised him this morning by sitting up in the middle of the bed, holding on the side of the crib, looking very determent to try to make her way over. He cursed to himself and hated that she grew up so damn fast and learned new things so fast. If she kept up this development she would be walking long before her first birthday. Quietly he made his way over to her, turned off the monitor and picked her up.

“You need to stop growing up. We’re going to have to lower your crib, baby girl.”

She shrieked happily and waved at him when he started to change her clothes and diaper. They kept up a conversation through it all but once he was done she wasted no time in letting him know it was time for breakfast.

He made a quick pitstop back to the bedroom and made sure Jessie was still asleep before starting the same breakfast routine they had had for the past month. This morning he tried to multitask and make himself and Jessie some pancakes at the same time though. He felt just a little bit bad for the fight the night before. He was glad he had been able to finally get it off of his chest but he also knew he had been a complete ass when looking for a fight.

He hadn’t heard her at all and jumped when he turned around to grab a plate from the counter behind him, and she was standing right there on the other side, looking at him.

“Jesus!”

Melodi jumped too and gave a scared cry in his arms.

“Sorry… I can take her if you want.”

He looked down on the child in his arms who had quickly resumed eating when she noticed there was nothing to be alarmed about. Wordlessly, he reached across and placed their daughter in Jessie’s outstretched arms and he turned back to making pancakes. He listened with one ear to the low conversation going on between mother and daughter while, running through the nights conversation again in his mind.

He got so wrapped up in his own thoughts that once he was all done with the pancakes, she had finished feeding Melodi and laid the table for them. They were both seated at the table, Jessie reading a book about animals when he walked over with their breakfast.

“Did you sleep ok?”

He asked and served her a pancake before taking one himself. She nodded and finished the book for Melodi before handing it to the baby and turned her attention to the food.

“Sorry about waking you up.”

“I’m glad you did. Jacob?”

“Yeah… It’s the same dreams I always have.”

She pulled one leg up on the chair and wrapped an arm around it, making him feel even worse about fighting with her. She tilted her head a little and looked straight at him with a small smile on her lips. He opened his mouth to ask why but she cut him off.

“Don’t beat yourself up so damn hard, babe. I’m fine.”

“I know but I still feel like an ass.”

“You kinda were an ass but if that was what you needed to get it out of your system… I’m just confused.”

“About?”

“Why you kept this from me and why you want a fucking threesome at the same time as you think we’re not making enough love.”

“We’re not.”

“I get that but it’s still kinda weird that you haven’t tried to change it before yelling at me for it and suggesting Jeffrey and Andy to join in.”

“I’ve been too worried about how you’re going to react.”

“To what? Fighting?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure if you’d just leave.”

“Why would I do that? If there’s something I’ve learned from all the million hours of therapy, it’s how to communicate without it getting out of hand. With you though… It’s probably not going to be the same, huh?” 

“Probably not. I mean we’ve been fighting like fucking World War 3 for the past 10 years, so we’re pretty good at it.”

“Yeah but maybe we could try to talk to each other once in a while too when there’s a problem?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So why don’t you try that right now?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, J. You sound like your damn shrink.”

He protested when she came with the very reasonable suggestion and she burst out laughing. She apologized but kept sniggering at him.

“I would just like you to try to involve more emotions when we end up having sex. I know you love me, J and I know you know how to make love but it hasn’t happened yet. I guess I just miss it.”

“And how come this being so hard to talk about last night?”

He knew she knew the answer to this but yet she teased him and he glared across the table at her.

“Because I was tired and cranky and just needed to yell at you.”

“No…! You, cranky? Well, Mr. Reedus that must have been a first.”

Her mocking laughter made his eyes narrow and he gritted his teeth together as he growled at her. She simply laughed and got up from her chair and forced herself into his lap, straddling him and wrapping her arms around his neck. He didn’t give in though and tried to ignore her attempt to lighten his mood. It proved a lot harder than he thought to try to keep eating his breakfast with her in his lap, kissing and nibbling at his throat and neck, giggling quietly and whispering words of affection in his ear.

When he didn’t give in to her attempt, she finally pulled away and stuck her lower lip out and pouted. She really looked miserable and disappointed.

“Let me eat my breakfast, woman. I’ve to get to work.”

She growled and realized her arms around his neck.

“How long are you planning on keeping this up then?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Fine.”

She sighed and slipped away from him. When she stood, however, he grabbed her wrist and yanked her back. He grabbed her hard from behind and hugged her and leaned in to kiss the side of her neck.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m sorry for being an ass.”

She sighed a little and spun around in his arms and faced him. She gave him a crocked smile and kissed him gently.

“It’s ok… And I’m really going to try to-“

“I know, babe. I was taking her to work today, right? You had a meeting in Atlanta this morning?”

“Yeah. I’ll come get her at lunch. I was thinking I could take the Tiger and you take the car and we can just swap at the studio.”

“Sounds good. What’s the meeting about?”

“Not really sure. Amanda just texted me about wanting a meeting.”

“Alright. Whatever it is and not that you’re going to need it but good luck.”

“Thank you. And thank you for the pancakes.”

“You’re welcome. Just be-“

“Careful driving…? Come on, Norm.”

He chuckled at the annoyed look she gave him and grabbed her neck and kissed her hard.

“Sorry, love.”

“Your impossible man.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Go and get ready, I’ll take her and clean this up.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, you’ve to leave before me anyway. I’m not in such a hurry.”

“Ok.”

She got to his feet and he followed right after, stopping to kiss both her and their daughter before heading back to the bedroom and make himself ready for another day in the dirty business it usually turned out to be on a day of producing The Walking Dead.

                                            -------------------------------------

She hadn’t been on a bike since forever it felt like and she had to take a minute extra to get the feel for the Tiger. Her Triumph was slightly smaller than Norman’s Tiger but she loved this bike so much she jumped on the first possibility she could to ride it. She still had 2 hours until her appointment with Amanda, the owner for the dance studio she had been working at during the summer and fall.

She took full advantage of being back on a bike and rode a very long detour into Atlanta that morning. Still, she had time over when she parked the bike outside the studio in downtown Atlanta, so she decided to pick up some much-needed Starbucks. The line was filled with mostly tired-looking business men and woman and no one took any notice of her as she stepped into the small café, carrying her helmet on her arm and her phone in the other, texting Norman that she had made it to Atlanta safe and sound.

“Good morning, what can I get ya?”

The blue haired young woman greeted her with an overfriendly smile but before Jessie could start giving her order, she saw the woman’s expression change right in front of her. She stared with wide eyes and Jessie cursed inside her head. She had seen that look too many times and knew this youngest in front of her was a fan of her husbands. She just hoped she would end up being one of the nice once and not end up with a bogger in her coffee.

“Hi!”

She smiled right back and hoped it would be enough.

“Shit… Sorry… I-I-I-What can I get you, Miss Hamilton?”

“A grande caffé vanilla Frappuccino please, without whipped cream please.”

“Of course. What kind of milk?”

“Almond.”

“Anything else?”

“What would you recommend?”

The question seemed to surprise the young woman and for a second, Jessie felt really sorry for putting her on the spot like that but she quickly found herself.

“The blueberry muffins are really awesome and just freshly baked.”

“Sounds good, I’ll have one.”

“To go?”

“Yes please.”

“Can I just… I’m a huge fan of the show and I… I’m sorry, I don’t wan to bo-“

“No, no don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I’m fan too.”

The cashier let out a breath of relief when Jessie reassured her, she didn’t mind chatting.

“What’re you doing in this part of town?”

“There’s a dance studio a block from here, I’d like to visit once in a while.”

“Cool. You’re one of the best dancers I’ve ever seen.”

“Wow, thank you so much.”

“I follow you on Youtube and I really loved the video Norman took of you when dancing to MJ a few months ago.”

The young woman whose name was Allison, Jessie noticed after squinting a little on her nametag, kept talking while Jessie payed and received her muffin in a paper bag.

“Yeah that one was so much fun.”

“I’m glad that you’re feeling better.”

Her coffee was ready and Jessie watched as Allison grabbed it from her coworker and took her time signed it with something.

“I am, thank you.”

“Here you go.”

She took the cup and cracked up at once when she saw the name Mrs. Daryl Dixon written on it. She had also added the Bigbaldhead logo beside the name.

“Thank you.”

She waited another heartbeat for the question she knew was going to come but for some people it took a little longer to work up the courage to ask.

“Can I take a picture with you?”

When it finally came it was spoken in a hast and very nervously.

“Of course.”

“Oh my god, thank you!”

People all around the café started to take a lot more notice at this point and she saw everyone in there watching her. Some just annoyed because they didn’t get their coffee, some very curious and probably wanted to be next in line for selfies and some simply oblivious to what the damn commotion was all about. The girl moved quickly around the counter and Jessie greeted her with a hug before posting for a bunch for of pictures.

20 minutes later she managed to make her way out of the coffeehouse with an excuse that she was actually going to be late for her meeting. On the way she was handed a new Frappuccino as she hadn’t even had the time to taste the first one yet and Allison made sure to sign this one and added a big ‘thank you’.

The man in the reception was new to her and he jumped a little behind the computer screen when she dumped her helmet a little too hard on the desk.

“Hey.”

He cleared his throat hurriedly and got to his feet.      

“Hi. What can I do for you?”

“I’m here to see Amanda. We’ve a 9 o’clock appointment.”

The youngster looked down on a bunch of papers but didn’t seem to find what he was looking for.

“Sorry, what’s your name?”

“Jessie.”

Just then her phone buzzed and Amanda’s number showed up on the display.

“Hi, I was just asking about you.”

“You’re at the studio?”

“Yeah, just got here but I’m not sure I’m allowed in by your new receptionist.”

The man blushed a little but she simply winked at him and gave him a small smile, letting him know she was just messing with him.

“Sorry about that. I’m stuck in traffic I’m afraid, like I haven’t moved an inch for the past 10 minutes. Do you have time to hang around for a while?”

“Of course.”

“How the hell did you get in to town so quickly?”

“I have a bike. Much smoother.”

“Oh, your cheater!”

Jessie laughed.

“You should get one.”

“Not in a million years, Jess.”

“Well, don’t worry about it. I’ll just hang around. Is there a class going on right now?”

“I think there’s a private session going on you could gatecrash, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t mind. Jared’s a hip-hop instructor and he’s working with a small group at the moment. He could use some tips.”

“I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, Amanda.”

“Come on, you wouldn’t, Jess. You’re his hero. Put Patrick on the line.”

“Who?”

“The receptionist that’s not letting you in.”

“Oh… Just a sec.”

She handed over the phone and the man took it with slightly trembling fingers. The conversation was quick though.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes, I apologize, Mrs. Reedus, I-“

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Amanda told you to make yourself at home and that she’ll come find you when she gets here.”

“Great. Thank you.”

Her feet moved by their own accord once her ears picked up on the beat coming from one of the studios as she walked past the entrance and reception. It was something about being back in a real dance studio again. She loved the one she had in the house but she missed sharing her passion with likeminded people. Norman was hopeless at even coordinate arms and legs at the same time as long as didn’t involve sex so there really wasn’t much for her to gain from that. He just loved watching her and he couldn’t care less if her technique wasn’t right. She stood peeking through the glass doors at first but it only showed her 2 of the dancers in there. In between songs, she knocked lightly on the door and stepped inside. Every head in there turned to her and the young man at the front, turned his entire body towards her and gaped with his mouth open.

“Sorry to interrupt. I was just wondering if it would be ok if I just watched you guys.”

The room was silent for 5 whole seconds.

“You’re Jessie Hamilton!”

She looked at the guy and gave a small smile, nodding.

“Not anymore.”

“Right, sorry. It’s Reedus nowadays.”

“Yeah.”

She took a quick look around the room and spotted 5 girls in their late teens looking back and forth between the two adults. Well, Jessie wasn’t sure the man was an adult. He could barley be a year over 20 and she felt very old all of a sudden. And when one of the teens looked her up and down with extreme skepticism, almost loathing, she thought about turning back around and leave. But the thought was quickly kicked in the ass by the bitch in her and she dropped her bag and helmet to the floor and stepped straight up to the young man with her hand outstretched. He fumbled in his eagerness to take it and once he took it, he didn’t want to let go.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I’ve wanted to met you for so long and…. I’m sorry, I’m Jared.”

“Nice to met you, Jared. I’m Jessie.”

“What brings you here?”

“I’m waiting on Amanda who’s stuck in traffic and I heard the music and that you had a class? Hip hop?”

“Yes. This little group of young ladies are my stars from the advanced class.”

He gestured to the ladies behind him and about half of them waved and smiled a little carefully at her.

“Do you mind if I watch?”   

“Not at all. If you want, you can join us.”

“Join us? You dance?”

The same girl who had glared at her, spoke and Jessie turned straight towards her and took a little step forward. The girl took one step back and Jessie decided in the same heartbeat to play nice. She could easily have gone straight into bitch mood and danced the girls fucking pants of but she had learned that that wasn’t always necessary.

“I do. I’ve been dancing my whole life.”

“How can you possible have missed her, T? She’s Norman Reedus girlfriend.”

The girl closest leaned in to the angry girl and tired to keep her voice low but Jessie caught their conversation anyway. The second girl seemed to know she got caught though and bowed her head quickly.

“I would love to join you. Just let me watch you guys a little while first-“

“What have you done?”

The girl furthers to Jessie’s left suddenly spoke quickly, as thought she had to get the question out in a hurry or it wouldn’t come at all.

“Quiet a bit.”

“What’re you talking about? You’ve done everything! Is there a musical on Broadway that you haven’t done…? You’re absolutely amazing and I absolute love the latest work you’ve done. The choreography is amazing, especially your contemporary stuff. I would love to pick your brains.”

“If I can be of any help, of course. Show me what you’re working on.”

“A little Bruno Mars going on right now.”

“Oh, I love Bruno! I won’t keep you from your rehearsals.”

She stepped back behind the dancers and allowed them to continue where they had left off. _Uptown Funk_ filled the room within seconds and she felt her body wanted to start moving at once. She wasn’t dressed for this kind of dance though. The skinny jeans she was weary were way to tight and her booths too heavy. She watched them go through the song twice, stopping here and there to make adjustments, before deciding to join them. She stripped of her booths and jeans, thanking higher powers that she had put on boxer shorts underneath the jeans just in case she had time over to dance. She also tied her oversized top a little tighter in the back, exposing her lower abs. It probably was a bit juvenile but she was pretty damn proud of what she had done to her body and wanted to show it off. Especially when it came to teenage girls who thought you couldn’t be a day over 25 to dance.

In the middle of their third run, she stepped into the midst of the group and found the right moves at once. Some steps she found a bit disorienting though and they weren’t really fluent.

“What’s the verdict?”

“Come on, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re incredible talented and you girls… You’re fucking amazing. With a lot of hard work and practice and determination you can all go as far as you want.”

“So what would you change?”

“Not a thing.”

“Come on.”

“It’s a really great number all in all but I noticed that some of you struggle a little bit at the end. It’s not as fluent as the rest and it takes year of practice and millions of different choreographies. You’re what? 21?”

“In a few months.”

“Wow, you’re just a baby.”

She said, laughing and the young man gave a nervous giggle back.

“I just mean that when it comes to dancing and choreography it’s all about the hours you done on the floor. It’s the experience and trying different things that moves you forward and not being afraid of mixing different styles.”

“What would you mix it with?”

“Slow it down a little and instead of doing the 3 quick jumps, compress it into one, slow, smooth motion.”

She suggested and showed him what she actually meant. Once she was done showing them 2 times over and she stopped to watch for reactions, she found them all looking at her with eyes popping out of their sockets.

“What?”

“You’ve been in here for 10 minutes and have already learn the whole dance. Who does that? That’s insane!”

“When you’ve done this for as long as I’ve, getting the steps down is as easy as breathing.”

“How long have you been dancing?”

“More than 30 years now.”

Even the hostile teenager with the bad attitude seemed impressed. Or maybe she was impressed someone so old could actually still move. It was hard to tell with teenagers.

“With that kind of experience, I would love for you to help me, help them. It’ll be good with a fresh pair of eyes.”

“If that’s what you want, sure.”

“Thank you. You’ve know idea how insane this is for me.”

“Come on, I’m just a dancer, just like you.”

“No, you’re not just a dancer, Mrs. Reedus. You’re _the dancer._ ”

She actually felt herself blush at all this flattery but she quickly shrugged it off and walked up to stand right next to the youngster where the two of them observed and corrected the 5 dancers. How she had missed this. Discussing and showing off some different techniques was what she missed the most about not spending regular hours in the studio. To see a dancer finally grasp what she was showing them was the most awarding thing ever and when she actually got a huge smile and a grateful hug from each and everyone of those girls after half an hour, made Jessie not want to get back home every again.

Then of course Melodi sprang to mind and she wanted to get back home right away. She had two passions in life and to keep a balance between the two wasn’t always so easy. It proved to be an even bigger challenge when Amanda finally showed up and they locked themselves up on her office.

“I’m going to go straight to point as I’m keeping you from your baby girl.”

Jessie didn’t have time to sit down before the woman spoke from behind her desk. Intrigued and a little bit nervously, Jessie walked around the desk and sat down on the edge, looking at the tall woman standing at the window, gazing out.

“What’s going on?”

“I’ve a business proposition for you.”

“What do you mean?”

The woman turned around and looked straight back at her.

“I’m moving back to the west coast this summer and I would like you to take over the studio.”

“What?!”

Jessie found herself on her feet without even realizing she had moved in the first place.

“Come on, Jess. There’s no one else I would trust to keep this place going. You’ve the passion, the connections, the experience, the brains-“

“Hold on…! What the hell are you saying, Amanda? Are you selling this place? To me?”

“No, not really selling… Well, yeah, I don’t know. It’s not about the fucking money, Jessie. I just want someone I trust to keep this place going.”

“But you started this, this is yours. It’s your studio, your hard work.”

“And now I’m passing it on to you.”

Jessie fell back down on to the desk and felt her brain go into overdrive while trying to make sense of all of it. All the potential and possibilities flashed back and forth in her brain and collided head on with the images of Melodi and Norman.

“You don’t have to give me an answer today, Jessie. Go home, think this through, talk to your family and get back to me whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m-I-I’m going to need a little more info about this, Amanda.”

“Of course. I’ll e-mail all the boring details and you can have a look at it.”

She felt herself nod but it felt like she had lost half her brain and only half her body was present. She managed to hug Amanda back when the woman embraced her and it burned some feeling back into her. When she reminded her about Melodi, Jessie said a quick goodbye and promised to think about it and take a closer look at all the info, before leaving the studio.


	24. love and war

Lunch inside in air-condition was an extreme relief for everyone on set that day, Norman included. He had made sure Melodi had been kept inside for most of the day due to the heat but today she had grown tired of her babysitters, Chandler and Melissa, a lot quicker than usual so he had ended up having her close by in the stroller. As lunch finally came though, she was seated by the head of a long table, entertaining everyone around her when Norman tried to feed her but she just wanted to play, making every other spoonful end up on the floor.

“You’re so cute, I just want to eat you up!”

Andy walked past behind her and bent down to kiss her hard on the head. Melodi arms flew up at once and she managed to grab both fist full of hair, making Andy whine and try to wriggle out of her grip.

“That’s what you get when you threaten my girl.”

Norman giggled but took pity on his best friend and helped him out before getting to his feet. He leaned in close to Andy and asked him to look after her for a minute, while he made a visit to the restroom. Andy quickly agreed and took his abandoned seat.   

Something on Instagram caught his attention on his way back from the restrooms and he stopped just inside the dining hall doors. He leaned against the wall and stopped his browsing when he found Tim’s latest post about working out with Cookie this morning. He cursed to himself and called the man at once.

“Mr. Reedus.”

“Hi. Why aren’t you with Jessie?”

“What do you mean?”

The man hesitated and sounded confused.

“Jessie had a meeting this morning in Atlanta. She said she texted you.”

“No….”

“Fuck!”

“Sorry, man. I’m having Cookie calling her right now. Hold on.”

He could hear some muttered words in the background and he waited for half a minute, knowing already that she was probably not going to answer.

“She’s not answering. Where were she going? I’ll go get her.”

“Yeah, thanks. She’s at the studio”

A commotion from the other side of the building caught his attention and he looked up in time to see Jessie hug Chandler.

“Never mind, Tim. She’s here. I’ll text you her meeting from now on, ok?”

“Sure.”

He hung up and pocketed his phone, trying to swallow his anger but didn’t managed it all the way. He stomped a little too hard when making his way over to her.

“Do I need to ground you?”

She looked up from her conversation with Chandler with a huge smile on her face and she laughed when it seemed she hadn’t heard her, or just not believed what he said.

“Sorry?”

“Excuse us a sec, dude.”

He nodded towards Chandler and grabbed Jessie by the elbow and made her follow him back outside.

“Why the fuck didn’t you bring Tim?”

She snatched her arm back from him when he stopped, well away from big ears and eyes. She narrowed her eyes slightly but he was not backing down and glared right back at her.

“I’m here, aren’t I? I’m right here, on fucking time and nothing happened so there’s no reason for you to get upset.”

“Still that’s exactly what I am!”

“Well, don’t be. I’m fine.”

“Why did you tell me you texted him then?!”

“I texted him.”

She said but cowered a little under his gaze.

“I just didn’t tell him I was leaving.”

“For fuck’s sake, Jessie! How many times are we going to have this conversation?!”

“Until you stop being an overprotecting asshole.”

“So never.”

“Probably not, no.”

He gave up a frustrated sigh but as they kept staring at each other for another minute, he finally gave in and tugged her into his arms and entwined his hand in her hair and tugged just a little bit harder than normal.

“You’re going to be the death of me, J you know that, right? When’ll you learn to listen?”

“When will you learn that I can take care of myself?”

“Tim is your personal security, use him and I don’t have to be so damn worried all the time. And for fuck’s sake, J, don’t lie to me.”

She sniggered and put her arms around his waist, slipping one hand inside his shirt.

“I didn’t lie, not really. I just left some parts out. Everything was fine, Norman. I promise. I met some really nice fans and-“

“Why? Why the hell didn’t you just go to the studio?”

“I needed to get some coffee! I still need to get my coffee and you need to stop shitting your pants every time I do.”

“I wouldn’t have to if Tim had been with you. Please, Jessie, I’m fucking begging you here. I know you can take care of yourself but you would lower my stress levels so fucking much if you just took the man with you!”

He exaggerated the panic on his face a little bit but it did the trick and she grabbed him harder around the waist and made him stop fidgeting.

“Ok, ok, ok. I will.”

She said.

“Thank you.”

“Kiss and make up?”

She asked, winking at him as her hand slipped to the small of his back. He smirked and tugged at her hair, making her tilt her head back before leaning in to kiss her hard and long.

“Has she behaved?”

He was a little relucted to stop making out but when Jessie clearly showed him that she wanted to get back to their daughter, he gave in and followed her when she tugged at his hand.

“She always behaves… Compared to her mother!”

She sighed and probably rolled her eyes too but as she was walking ahead of him, he couldn’t see it.

“If I had always behaved, she wouldn’t exist.”

She said and pushed open the door and they both were forced right back to reality when they heard Melodi cry at the top of her lungs. Jessie let go of his hand at once and hurried over to Andy, who was trying his best to sooth the crying girl in his arms. He lingered a little in the background, letting Jessie handle Melodi. He knew it was probably a bit messed up but he liked to try her once in a while, just to make sure she really knew how to take care of their daughter. And also, to see how Melodi reacted to her mother when she knew he was around. He was still her first chose if she was allowed to chose but it got easier for each day that passed for them to get use to each other again.

The crying stopped the moment Jessi reach out for her daughter and Norman watched from afar how the little girl quickly settled under her mother’s chin and snuggled close.

                                            ----------------------------------      

For whatever reason, Norman had insisted on staying back home while she took Melodi over to Andy. Leaving her there for the night had gone a lot smoother than she had expected. And it was all thanks to the older kids the house. Andy’s kids were over the moon about babysitting and it really helped distracting Melodi.

As she pulled up and parked in front of the house, it felt weird not to grab Melodi from the backset as she left the car. The feeling quickly vanished though as she made it to the front door and found a note attached to it.

_The war is on! Arm yourself and meet me in the backyard_

She grabbed the note and read it through twice as she opened and step through the front door. As the meaning of his note started to sink in, she just stopped herself from calling out for him. She quickly kicked off her shoes, stripped of her jeans and put on a pair of short from her backpack instead and sprinted on light feet through the house towards the backyard. As she squinted outside, she found that he had prepped the backyard with buckets of what she assumed were water balloons. There were also water guns spread out and one was waiting on her just inside the back door.

She couldn’t see him but she was sure he was out there somewhere, just waiting on her to come out. She quickly made up her own plans though as her winner instinct kicked in hard. The war really was on and she had no plans whatsoever to lose it.  

She walked through the garage and searched for a moment before finding a water gun he must have missed. Quickly she filled it up and sneaked out from the garage and made her way to the backyard, where she was sure he wasn’t expecting her. As she got to the edge of the porch and peaked her head around the edge, she quickly found him at the bottom of the stairs, waiting on her to make out through the backdoor.

Before all hell broke loose, she grabbed her phone and took a picture of her waiting husband as well as her weapon of choice before posting them both on Instagram.

_Bring it on @bigbaldhead. You’re going doooowwwwnnn, baby!_

She pulled her shirt off and left that and the phone behind before starting to stalk her prey on light feet in the soft grass. When she was within shooting distance, she called out to him, raising her weapon in front of her.

“Hey, baby!”

He spun around quickly, fumbled for a moment to find his balance but Jessie showed no mercy and hit him right in the chest with a surprisingly amount of water. He spluttered and cursed and the war was on. He was faster than her but she was a lot more flexible and able to dodge the water balloons he launched at her very effectively most of the time.

“I’ve got you now!”

15 minutes into the war however, he managed to backed her into a corner at the side of the house and she was out of both water and balloons. She took a step back and felt the wall behind her and she had no where to go as he started throwing water balloons at her. She covered under his attack and put both hands over her head, laughing and cursing all in one. When he reached for the gun, she took her chance and launched straight into his arms. She knocked him over and they both feel to the soft ground, laughing.

“Looks like it’s the other way around now”

“Oh yeah?”

He grabbed her waist hard and throw them around, placing himself on top. They were both panting hard from all the running and jumping and she reached up and attempted to brush the grass away from his face. She did more harm than good though, as her hands and arms were covered with even more grass. He spluttered when he got some into his mouth.

“Sorry…”

“How about a tie?”

She scrutinized him for a moment but finally nodded.

“Fine. Thanks for a good fight, Mr. Reedus.”

“Yeah, right back at ya, Mrs. Reedus, your sneaky little bitch.”

She laughed and grabbed his wet hair and pulled him into a hard kiss. The kiss got deeper and they rolled around in the grass twice before he pulled away with a deep sigh.

“Fuck, I love you, J. So much.”

“I love you more.”

He planted a kiss on her forehead before pushing himself up to his feet and offered her, his hand. She took it and he tugged her up and straight back into his arms.

“Well, Mr. Reedus it seemed you’re getting a bit confused with this love vs. war-

“Oh, shut up!”

He cut her off by kissing her once more and she wrapped herself around him as he grabbed her by the ass and carried her back to the backyard.

“Hold on tight, babe.”

She got half a second heads-up as he spoke. She had been so into kissing him that she failed to notice where he was going, she just assumed he would take them back inside to get cleaned up. But as she emerged from his lips, she noticed he was standing by the edge of the pool and jumped straight into the water.

“You’re cleaning the pool.”

She said as they both submerged and traded water by the deep end of the pool. He grinned and dived once more, running his hands through his hair to get rid of the last grass.

“Sure, babe. But not right now.”

“No? What? You’ve other plans?”

She asked but got pulled under a little by when he accidently swam into her. She kicked herself up to the surface and continued to the shallow part, where she could actually stand. She heard him follow her and when she turned back around, he was right up in her personal space and grabbed her.

“Hi!”

“Hi… I was actually planning on helping you out of those shorts.”

“Why?”

“You seem a little bit overdressed for the pool.”

He gestured to his own trunks but she got distracted long before her gaze landed on them as he stretched to his fullest height in front of her and his naked and wet chest glittered. She bit her lip and moaned quietly at the sight of him and he smirked at her as he approached.

“Fuck, yes.”

The words came out like a breath and she grabbed him by the arm to speed things up. He was quick to oblige and the shorts were soon floating behind them as he pushed her up against the side of the pool and she dropped her hand to her trunks at once. Quickly, she worked his hardness out of them and wasted no time in guiding him inside her as she wrapped one leg around him.  

                                            --------------------------------

“Pack a sleepover bag.”

He walked in on her in the closet after they had taken a shower and she was getting dressed. She looked over her shoulder at him and turned around in confusion as he held out her backpack for her. She grabbed it with hesitation.

“Why…?”

“Cause we’re not sleeping at home tonight.”

“Where’re we going?”

“It’s a surprise. No need for anything too fancy though.”

“What? I was going to wear my Oscar’s gown.”

He chuckled, knowing full well she was probably going to just wear jeans and a top, like she always did.

“Not tonight, babe. Oh, and bring your swimsuit.”

“Swimsuit? Where’ the hell are you taking me? Sleepover and swimming?”

“I ain’t telling ya. Now get a move on, woman.”

“Alright, alright. Jez…But I’m hungry.”

She whined a little as she pulled a white silk top over her head.

“Fine. I’ll make you something.”

“How are you already done?”

“I packed my stuff while you were over at Andy’s with Melodi.”

He told her with his back turned to her as he left the closet and shortly after the bedroom, heading towards the kitchen. As he prepared some snacks for Jessie and himself to eat in the car, he called Andy and put him on speaker while making his way about the kitchen.

“Are you going to call every half hour?”

Andy’s comment when he finally picked up, made Norman crack up and laugh.

“No, man but I’ve nothing to do at the moment so I just wanted to check in.”

“We’re good, Norm. She’s asleep in the stroller outside on the porch.”

“Great. Just make sure she’s in the shade.”

“Of course. Don’t be such a hen! I’ve managed to raise 2 kids.”

“I know, Andy it’s just…”

He sighed a little to himself.

“I get it, Norman. I know it’s hard but she really is doing good. Gale gave her some fruit and water just before she went to sleep. So did you win?”

“Win?”

“The water war? Did you win?”

“Na, man it… It was a tie.”

“I think she won.”

“She did not! It was a tie.”

“Whatever makes you happy, dude. When are you guys going to get back tomorrow?”

“Not that late. I think we have to be out of there before 10 so maybe around lunchtime if that’s ok.”

“Whatever works for you. No reason to rush, Norman. Take your time.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Thank you, Andy!”

Jessie called loud enough from the hallway that it reached Andy and he heard him give a small chuckle.

“Have a great time tonight and try not to worry too much about your daughter. She’s in good hands.”

“I know she is. Love ya!”

“Love you too. Love you, Jess!”

“I love you too, Andy. Kiss Melodi for me.”

“Sure thing.”

The phone clicked and Andy was gone just as Norman put the last the snacks in a zip-lock bag and turned to grab 2 bottles of waters out of the fridge.

“Here you go, my queen.”

He walked around the counter and handed her the bags. She thanked him with a quick kiss before asking again where they were going. And once again he refused to tell her and told her to get into the car instead. She glared a little but followed him when he walked off to the garage, collecting their bags from the floor outside the bedroom door.

An hour car ride later, filled with small talk and eating, they arrived at their destination.

“The aquarium?”

She heisted inside the car as he pulled into a parking space. He looked around at her and gave her a crocked little smile that made her giggle.

“Yeah.”

“Are you serious? Are we actually sleeping here tonight?”

“Indeed, we are.”

“Oh my God! That’s… Oh my God, baby that’s…”

She fell short of words and simply grabbed his face in both hands and kissed him.

“You’re the best.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, be prepared for some more surprises, babe.”

He kissed her again before getting out of the car and hurried around to the other side before she had the time to get out. Opening the door for her, he offered her, his hand.

“Thank you.”

“Look, I know how you feel about animals and captivity and all that and you know I agree with you but this is different. They do a lot of-“

“Hey…Shush.”

She cut him off and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

“I know. We’ve been here before, remember? I know they do a lot of great work. This is a great idea, Norman. I love it already.”

He felt about a foot taller by her words and he actually stretched just a little bit more as he felt his whole face just lit up. She gave a small chuckle and kissed his cheek before heading towards the trunk to collect their bags.

“Oh, and FYI, we don’t have to share this place with anyone else.”

She stuck her head back around the side of the car and gaped at him as he approached and grabbed his own bag out of her hands.

“What?”

“They closed this place early today, like an hour ago, so there’s just you and me here tonight. Well, a staff member or two and probably security, but other than that, we’ve this place to ourselves for the rest of the evening.”

“How the hell did you manage that?”

“I’m Daryl motherfucking Dixon, babe. I can make anything happen.”

He grinned and wink, making her snort out a laugh and shake her head at him. She grabbed him around the waist, he threw out his arm around her shoulder and they left the car.

                                            --------------------  

Jessie sighed to herself. A completely content and grateful sigh left her as she sat at the edge of huge Beluga habitat, her feet hanging over the edge of the concrete, just barley touching the water. The reason of this extreme happy feeling was still in the water, a few feet to her right with 2 of the beautiful whales still in front of him. They had been asked to finish up 2 times already but he wasn’t so keen on listening at the moment. As she watched him, wearing a wetsuit and being completely soaked, a part of her mind started to jump up and down franticly and moan in longing, the other part however, managed to stop the impulse to start drooling.

She did however zip down her own wetsuit and exposed her upper, bikini clad, body and gave a small whistle.

“Come on, baby.”

“I’m not done.”

“Norman…”

She said his name quietly but a lot more husky than normal. It was enough though and he turned at once to look at her and she could tell at once that she had won over the whales.

“I’m hungry.”

At the mentioned of food, she heard him actually sigh and he quickly turned back to the animals and their trainer to thank her all over again.

“I love you, Mrs. Reedus.”

He leaned down, dripping water all over her and kissed her hard.

“I really thought I’d be replaced by one of those whales for a while.”

He chuckled and shook his head violently, splashing her with even more water. She protested and moved away from him. He was just about to grab her when they got interrupted by one of the personal.

“Here you go.”

The young man handed over towels to Norman and she giggled to herself when she saw him try to refocus. He spluttered out a ‘thank you’ and took them at the same time as the man explained that they could head down to locker rooms and change before dinner were being served. She really was hungry so before he could get too many ideas into his head, she jumped to her feet and hurried back to the locker rooms. She was already in the shower when he finally joined her.

“Are you avoiding me?”

She rinsed the shampoo out of her hair, keeping her eyes closed but she could feel him right behind her. Seconds later, he stepped in right behind her and placed a hand on her hip.

“Not at all. I’m just hungry.”

“For food?”

He took a step forward and attached his lip to her neck and she could feel his hardness poke the small of her back.

“Yes… Besides, I thought you didn’t want this.”

“What?”

“The hot, steaming fuckery.”

“Fuckery?”

“You need to watch _Fifty Shades_ , babe.”

“For ideas?”

She moved her head away from his lips, turned around in his arms and tugged at him forward a little to make sure he got cleaned up.

“No, well, yeah but that’s not the point right now.”

“What’s the point?”

He asked, the water streaming down his face but still he kept looking at her and she lost her train of thought for a moment. When he reached around and grabbed her ass in one hand though, she suddenly remembered what she was going to say and she wrapped her hand his wrist and brought it back to her hip.

“You wanted us to make love more, remember?”

He whined, his lips once more back at her throat.

“Screw that now.”

“No. You were right, Norman.”

It took him a moment and she heard him growl in frustration but finally he leaned back and looked at her.

“Fine.”

“I love you.”

He muttered but didn’t replay to her words, making her snigger quietly before reaching around him and grabbed the shampoo on the shelf behind him.

“We need to this again.”

She started to wash his hair.

“What?”

He asked, keeping his eyes closed.

“Go scuba diving. I forgot how much fun it is. Its been so long since we did it. We probably should freshen up our license.”

“Yeah, I had forgotten a lot of it… We never really did a honeymoon. I mean alone, just you and I.”

“I’m not sure I would be able to leave Melodi for that long though.”

“Fuck no! No, she can come but we could bring Tim along.”

“Yeah, how the hell did he go from body guard to nanny?”

“Well, he’s the best combination if you think of it. He loves our girl so much, he would protect her with his life. And somehow, she loves him too. Even though he’s quite bald.”

“Speaking of hair… Ever thought about cutting your hair now when you actually don’t have to be all badass redneck anymore?”

She rinsed his hair.

“Nope… What? Do you want me to cut my hair?”

“Hell no!”

She swiped it away from his face and gather it all together in a ponytail at the back of his head.

“Well, maybe just a little bit.”

“Why?”

“So that I can see more of your beautiful face.”

She reached up a little on her tiptoes and kissed his smiling lips. She felt him trying to deepening the kiss and without a doubt taking thing further but she was sticking to her plan and pulled away from him. He wanted her to put more feelings behind it and doing it in the shower was not the right place for that. It would just get hot and quick like it usually did. She made him frustrated though and she heard him groan when she asked him turn around so that she could wash him off.

He braced himself with both hands against the wall when her hands started to work him over and she realized she was probably torturing him just a little bit. When he actually whimpered and breathed out a begging ‘please, baby’ she couldn’t keep to her plan anymore. Seeing him tense and craving every little touch from her, made her want to put him out of his misery. She ducked under his arms and he snapped open his eyes when she came face to face with him. He gasped and held his breath as she crunched with her back pressed to the wall.

She tried to take her time with him, being a lot more gentle and careful when she wrapped her mouth around him but he was so edge it didn’t last that long anyway. Or maybe it was the fact that she actually was so gentle, he came so hard in her hands as she took her time to look up at him. His eyes were hazy as he looked back at her and he kept his mouth tightly shout so not to scream and get them caught.

“Thank you.”

His breathing was labored when he spoke and caught her lips in a long kiss. She pulled away, giggling, shaking her head at him.

“You’re welcome.”

                                            ------------------------------------

She was seated in his lap after they had finished their dinner and they were right in front of the huge tank at the aquarium and there wasn’t a single soul around them. All he could hear were the sound of the water and her breathing as they both got lost in the incredible view of hundred and hundred of fish swimming by in front and over them.

“I could do this again.”

“Me too.”

“Like every week.”

He chuckled at her and bent down to give her a kiss. She tasted of chocolate and he searched for more of the sweet taste, making her start laughing.

“Please don’t eat me.”

“You taste so good.”

She offered him the bag of M&M and he popped a few of the sweets into his mouth before bringing her down onto the floor with him. She crawled close to him and put her head on his chest and sighed deeply.

“I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed in months.”

“Me neither.”

“I guess it’s a good thing we did this now, seeing how next weekend in Nashville is probably going to be insane.”

“Are you sure you want me to do it?”

“Yeah, of course. If you’re comfortable with it.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready yet.”

“They need to see that you’re ok. The fans need to know you’re doing fine.”

“I know but still… I’ll miss you and Melodi.”

“We’re coming too, baby.”

“Not to the convention!”

He protested loud and clear and she groaned.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“I’m fucking serious, Jess. You can’t.”

“Why? I wouldn’t go alone. Tim would go with me.”

“Please, Jessie.”

“I’ve to face the public at some point you know.”

“I know but…”

She turned around in his arms and came to rest on her knees right in front of him, looking him dead in the eye. She grabbed him gently with both hands and leaned in to kiss him carefully.

“Don’t worry so much, Norman. I can’t stay inside your safe zone forever.”

“Yeah you can.”

She snorted and shook her head at him.

“No, Norman I can’t. I’ve to start living my own life, you know that.”

“Do you have to start doing it at the fucking Nashville convention? Can’t you just start with something that won’t give me a mayor heart attack? Like going out to grab a coffee or something.”

She moved out of his embrace and sat back down on the floor, crossed her legs under herself and narrowed her eyes at him. He knew he was being an overprotected asshole all over again but he really couldn’t help it. He did not feel the Walker Stalker Con in Nashville would be the safes place for her to show her face for the first time in months. Even though the convention was under heavy security.

“I was actually thinking about doing it buy buying my own studio.”

She kept her gaze fixed at him while she spoke and he heard the words but couldn’t really take it in and he felt how he gaped at her. A shocked ‘what’ was the only thing that came out and she repeated the same thing again.

“I’ve been asked to take over the studio after Amanda when she moves out west in the summer.”

“Ok…”

He didn’t know what to say to this new piece of information. The change of topic made him extremely confused and she seemed to grasp this though and went on with her explanation.

“Remember the meeting I had with her the other morning?”

He nodded and allowed her to try to explain the whole thing without cutting her off. He really waned to protest and ask a million questions at once but he kept his mouth shut.

“She’s moving back to L.A. in the summer, like late July, and she asked me to take over the studio. I’ve been looking into, all the numbers and costs and profits and… I think I could make it work. I think I’d want to make it work.”

He watched with absolute fascination how she changed right in front of him and started show her excitement about this new project. It was contagious and he hung on every movement she did and every word she spoke.

“And I was thinking we could make something together. You know, like a photo studio in the basement where you could do your stuff and invite friends to make things and-I-I-I could teach fulltime, well, not maybe fulltime while Mel is still a baby but, work and- She could… Melodi could learn to dance and create and just… Make stuff…”

She trailed off and stopped her enthusiastic movements, dropping her arms to the side of her body again and she sat back, looking at him.

“Say something.”

A small part of him wanted to shout at her not to do it and just stay home for the rest of her life, where she would be safe. But he knew her better than that and how pissed she would be at him for even thinking she’d be a stay-at-home-mom. So, he swallowed back all that and gave her a huge smile and grabbed her by the arm and shoved her into a hard kiss.

“You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever known, Mrs. Reedus. If this is what you really want to do, I’ll support you in every way I can. As long as you don’t come to con.”

She laughed as they pulled apart and he still held on to her face. She looked right back at him and he could see the skepticism on her face.

“I know that’s not really all that you want.”

He thought about protesting at once and lie but realized the second he thought about it, that she could never fall for it. He sighed and caressed her cheek with his knuckles.

“You’re too damn smart for your own good, J, you know that…? Fine, yeah I tinny part of me want you to never leave the house ever again.”

He saw her open her mouth to protest but he quickly covered it with one hand and continued.

“But I know you could never be happy just staying at home. I know I’m being an ass when I ask you to stay at home but I know it’s not who you are, it never has been and it would just make everyone miserable. I want you to be happy, Jessie. That’s all that matter to me and I can tell this is something you feel very passionate about… Of course you should do it, baby! And you know what?”

“What?”

“You’re going to be fucking awesome at it.”

“So you would be ok with me doing this?”

“Of course! It just came a little bit out of the blue to be honest.”

“I just had to make sure I had everything sorted first. It’s going to be a lot of work.”

“You should ask Maya to be your partner in crime.”

Her eyes widened a little at these words and it surprised him a little that it seemed she hadn’t actually thought about it.

“That’s actually a really good idea.”

“I’ve been known to have one once in a while.”

“This… This date night, might actually be one of the best once you’ve ever had. Thank you for making this happen.”

“I’m just glad we got the chance to spend some quality time together. Next time it’s your turn.”

“I’ll never beat this.”

“Come on, J, it’s not a damn competition. It’s not about what we do or where we are as long as we get to be together, right?”

“Yeah…”

She leaned forward and put her hands on either side of him, making him lay back down on the madras and she followed.

“We’ve never had such a big audience before.”

She tilted her head a little and they both watched the fish swimming by just inches away.

“Well, it s a good thing fish can’t talk then.”


	25. Win or lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of update. i hope this was worth the wait ;)

Jessie leaned against the car window and watched the city of Atlanta vanish behind them as they made their way back home. Norman was driving, one hand on the steering wheal and the other on her thigh, running his thumb gently over the skin right above her knee.

“I think it might be time for you to lose that bet.”

They had reached the town of Senoia and had barley 5 minutes left home, when his words made her snap her head around so fast she cricked her neck. He looked sideways at her, smirking and winking at her.

“Now? Today?”

“Yeah.”

She pressed her legs together tightly without realizing she was doing it and her breathing picked up just a fraction by the excitement that suddenly filled her up.

“With both of them?”

“Aha.”

“Did you plan this already?”

“Maybe.”

He answered, his tone playful and he squeezed her thigh firmly.

“So, what? They’re already there?”

“Almost.”

“Fuck… I need a drink.”

He chuckled at her and she felt the urge to smack him hard but stopped herself and just glared instead.

“Come on, babe. Are you losing your nerve?”

“We haven’t done this in a while, Norm.”

“If you’ve change your mi-“

“No, I want to it. I just wasn’t expecting it right now.”

“You want to wait? We can wait.”

“You don’t wanna wait.” 

She said, knowing full well he would agree to wait if she wanted to but also that he would be a bit disappointment if they actually did. She still had a hard time wrapping her head around this, especially the pretty fucked up way he was testing her by asking her to do this. A part of her wondered if he would have a complete meltdown once he actually saw her with them and just go complete Rambo on all of them. Agreeing to go through with this could backfire big time but then she knew it would if she didn’t do it either.

She barley noticed when they drove through the gate and he parked outside the garage and turned of the car. She heard him sigh and either of them made an attempt to get out. Finally, she turned around and found him gazing at her.

“I want to do it.”

“But?”

“But I’m not sure how you’re going to react.”

“This is my idea, Jess.”

“I know it is. But I’m still worried about it.”

“I’m not going to lose it… Not like that anyway. I would never hurt you, Jessie.”

“I know.”

“It’s just sex. Hopefully some really great sex for the both of us… Well, everyone involved I guess. Would it be easier to just start of with one of them?”

She felt her jaw drop a little in surprise. He turned his body towards her and took one of her hands and started to gently play with her fingers, kissing the top of her fingers while she processed this. She was a little more nervous than she probably had reason to be about being with Jeffrey. Andy really wasn’t the problem but she had no idea what Jeffrey was like inside closed doors.

“Jeffrey’s making you nervous, isn’t he?”

She growled a little when she looked over at him and he smirked at her. He managed to sneak away from her blow to the shoulder by opening the car door and jump out. She followed quickly though and glared at him across the roof of the car.

“I don’t know the guy!”

“You do too!”

“Not like that.”

“Ok, fine but he’s… Don’t think too much. Since when do you ever complicate things like this so much?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe since I actually got married to the biggest asshole on the planet!”

Inside her head she was already completely in her roleplaying game and it still amazed her a little that he was able to pick up on it. It was the tiniest change in her voice and the look in her eye that made him aware that she was ready. It was easier to step out of her own mind a little whenever they involved other people in their sex games. She watched intently as he narrowed his eyes at her and walked around the car and came face to face with her.

“You... Are… Mien.”

He grabbed her waist hard with both hands and showed her close with each word he spoke slowly and clearly to her. When they were nose to nose, he leaned in and bit her lower lip before kissing her deep enough for her to gasp once he let her go.

“Yes, Sir.”

Her answer was firm but with just a hint of reluctance.  

“Good girl.”              

He held her jaw tightly for a second before turning to the trunk of the car to get their bags. She took a deep, calming breath in his absence while trying to tell herself she really didn’t have anything to worry about. She knew how to do this. Extremely fucking well too, she knew that.

She walked ahead of her husband into the house and she heard him say something about texting the guys but she was heading straight for the liquor cabinet. She could hear Norman giggle at her somewhere behind her when she poured herself a shot of tequila but she ignored him and let out a loud complaint about the weather being too hot.          

“Get in the pool then, babe.”

He called to her from the direction of their bedroom. That was actually a pretty good idea and she found herself rummaging one of her drawers for a bikini within minutes. He could hear Norman in the bathroom, singing to himself while taking a shower. She couldn’t help but let out a small giggle when she found a blue string bikini that she barley ever used, simply because it really didn’t leave anything for people’s imagination. Today seemed like a good day to use it though and she quickly stripped and put it on.

The heat from the Georgian sun hit her right in the face as she walked out on the porch and she cursed the humidity just a little bit as she made her way down to the pool with a towel in one hand and a rom and coke in the other. She dived, head first, straight into the cool water and swam two laps before getting up again and took a seat in one of the sunbeds and took a long drink of the alcohol. Only minutes after she had put the drink aside and gotten very comfortable in the heat, did she notice she was being watched. She had deliberately chosen a spot that would give whoever was up on the porch an extremely good view and it seemed someone was already taken advantage. It was not Norman whoever but she didn’t bother to look to see who it was. This was part of her little game, she was not just going to fall in line with whatever they wanted but they would’ve to work a little bit to get her full attention.

                                            -------------------------------

Andy called out without getting any kind of response when he walked through the front door. As he reached the kitchen, his phone buzzed and he picked it up to find an incoming text from Norman.

_She’s at the pool_

_Where’re u at?_

_Making sure I win the bet_

_???_

_I’m in the fucking bathroom. Done in a minute_

_I’m not even going to ask…_

_Good_

He shook his head in amusement at his friend as he made his way out to the porch. He spotted her at once and he felt his dick jump at the sight of her. Normally she wouldn’t have this effect on him, well, yeah maybe like this, dressed in a bikini but simply knowing what they were about to do made him horny as hell. He leaned over the railing and studied her where she laid in the sun and the water was glitter all over her gorgeous body.

_I might get started without u…_

He snapped a photo of her and sent it to Norman. He got a simple thumbs up as a replay and Andy smirked to himself before leaving the phone and his t-shirt on the table behind him. He adjusted his growing erection a little in his shorts and made her way down the stairs on bare feet. She looked completely oblivious to his presents and he had just started to form a plan inside his head about sneaking up on her, when she suddenly spoke.

“Don’t think I don’t know you’re here, Andy.”

He haltered and gaped at her. Who she could know he was there, when she had her eyes closed, he had no idea.

“How the hell did you know it was me?”

“I felt you looking at me.”

“I look at you differently from everyone else?”

“Today you do.”

He walked over and sat down on the edge of the sunbed. She shielded her eyes with one hand and finally opened her eyes to look at him.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

He wanted to ask if she was ok with this but was too nervous to hear the answer that he swallowed the question. Instead he placed a careful hand on her stomach and started to draw circles with the droplets of water that had not yet dried. Goosebumps appeared under his fingers and he heard her gasp quietly.

“I’m ok with this by the way.”

He nodded without looking her in the eye. He couldn’t take his eyes away from her body at the moment. He allowed his gaze to wander over every inch of her over and over while his fingers explored her hips, stomach, ribs and finally his fingers stopped in between her boobs and the silly little string that held the bikini together. He felt her look at him and lifted his gaze to hers and they stared at each other. Her breathing was slightly faster and she was a bit flushed, although that could be because of the heat but he was pretty sure it was for a whole other reason. She was just as turned on as he was by this teasing game.

One simple and firm move of two fingers and the bikini top no longer covered her boobs. She quickly threw it over her head and it landed somewhere behind them. But he couldn’t care less as his hand quickly cupped one breast and he found the other nipple with his mouth. She gasped, probably not expecting him to be so direct but he was done waiting. She arched her back off of the bed and moaned quietly as he bit down gently on her nipple and he felt it grow in his mouth.

He felt her hand in his hair and as she gave a hard tug, he lifted his head to look up at her, worried he was doing something wrong. But she simply grabbed his head between both hands and moved in to kiss him. He responded at once and crawled on top of her while tasting her tongue with his, still with one hand caressing her boobs. Her hands traveled from his head down his back and to the side of his body, making him moan into her mouth as her nails scratched him just enough. He must have surprised her because she gasped so suddenly and bit down on his lip when he moved the hand on her breast, straight inside her bikini bottoms and 2 fingers found their way inside her.

“Fuck, Andy.”

He pulled away a little, so better to be able to watch her come undone under his touch. One hand closed tightly around one of his biceps, while the other held on to the side of the bed as he started to move his fingers, slowly but firmly inside her.

“What do you want, Jess?”

“Make me cum. Make me cum, Andy, please.”

He lingered on the fact that he was extremely proud of himself for actually making her beg like this, when he knew it was very rare, for just a second before moving to his knees on the hard ground. The protest that started to leave her lips, quickly changed to a small yelp of surprise when he grabbed her by the waist and made her body slide further down the sunbed. She was panting slightly when she propped herself up on her elbows and looking down on him as he asked without words for permission to take her bottoms off. She bit her lip and nodded back at him as she let her thighs fall widely apart. He moaned in appreciation and waisted no time in getting her completely naked. Her hand was back in his curls when he carefully opened her up with his fingers and teased her clit with the tip of his tongue.

“Shit, Andy. More! Please, more!”

“You’re really needy this morning, J. Didn’t Norman make you cum enough last night and I’m sure this morning?”

He smirked at her from between her legs as he moved 3 fingers back inside her and started searching for his goal. She jerked when he found her g-spot.

“He-Fuck! He did but… Fuck, Andy. Harder!”

She bounced down back on her back and moved her pelvis towards his hands. He quickly stopped her and placed a firm hand on her hips and pressed hard.

“Tell me what he did, Jessie. Tell me how he made you cum when you fucked like rabbits last night. Tell me and I’ll make you cum so fucking hard you see stars.”

She gave a frustrated sound above his head and he was sure she was rolling her eyes at him but he couldn’t see her. She moaned when he moved his fingers and graced her spot carefully. He knew it wasn’t enough but he knew he would be giving in soon enough.

“We didn’t fuck.”

Her answer made him actually raise both eyebrows in surprise and he forgot about moving his fingers for a second. She protested at once though and he resumed pleasing her.

“Oh…”

Was all he managed to get out.

“We made love. For 2 hours and I was a fucking wet mess after he made me cum like 6 times or something.”

“Good. Good for you, baby.”

“Do we really need to talk right now?”

She asked, her voice very breathy as her body twisted a little at his touch. 

“Yes, we do.”

“For the love of God, why?!”

“Because I want an honest answer to how you and my brother are doing and the only way to do that is to force it out of you and right now…”

He twisted his fingers hard inside her and graced them against her sensitive spot. She gave a loud cry and cursed his name.

“I’ve you under my thumb, so to speak.”

“Actually, I don’t think your thumb is actually participating right now.”

“What? Would you like another participant?”

He asked and moved his hand a little to gain access to the peak of her pussy. She propped herself up once more and looked at him with glassy eyes. She gave a quick and determent nod, making him actually chuckle a little at her.

“Answer the question, Jessie.”

He pressed his thumb hard against her swollen clit and moved it in circles a few times.

“Last night was fucking unbelievable. It was the best and most amazing date we’ve ever had and I didn’t want it to end.”

“But you had a fight.”

“Fuck, Andy…! Why the hell do you want to talk about this?”

“Just checking to see if you’re still you.”

“He already told you everything anyway. He picked a fucking fight and we argued about me not involving my feelings for him when we had sex.”

“Did you?”

“Why the hell should I tell you that?!”

“Because right now I can make you cum hard, baby or… Stop.”

He removed all fingers from inside her but lost his focus when he felt her juices gushing out of her. He moaned by seeing and feeling her arousal and got distracted when she gave up a frustrated groan and moved her hips in search for his fingers again.

“Do you want to know what we did? What he did? What I did? Every last detail…? We took our time. Undressed each other in front of the tank at the aquarium. It was dark, the only light came from the water and…He made me tremble from head to toe by simply touching every inch of my body.”

He knew he was losing his leverage but he couldn’t care less. He just clung on to every word that came out of her mouth and it made him crazier for each second that passed.

“Do you want to know that he made me cum without even touching my pussy once.”

At these words she moved to a sitting position in front of him and she grabbed him by the back of the head and made him tilt his head up to her. He gasped and realized too late that he had lost all control.

“H-H… How?”

She leaned in close to him and blew gentle at his neck, making his shiver and moan as her lips and tongue followed.

“That’s what he did, literally blew me to cum… My husband’s mouth is a pretty fucking amazing part of his body.”

“Wow… That’s pretty amazing.”

“Trust me, I was as surprised as he was.”

“See? That’s what happens when you take your time with each other, Jess.”

“Time hadn’t as much to do with it as the feelings did. But right now, Andy…”

She gripped the back of his head tightly in both hands and forced him once more to look straight back up at her.

“All I want is for you to fuck me. No feelings, just rough and amazing sex. Think you can handle that?”

“Are you sure you can, babe?”

Her hands loosened their hold when both of them turned their head towards the approaching steps. Jessie gasped just enough for him to hear it and he smirked to himself when Sean took a quick look at him.

“Sean…”

Jessie’s word came out in a breath as he stepped close to them.

“Hi, baby.”

He reached down and tugged at her arm, making her get to her feet. Quickly he wrapped an arm around her waist and one hand landed firmly on her ass. She gasped and seemed to have a hard time believing he was there. Andy chuckled and got to his feet too.

“You really didn’t think I would miss out on this, did you?”

“No, it was so much fun the first time.”

Andy said and moved in behind her, trapping her between their two bodies. He pulled her hair away from one side of her neck and leaned in to kiss her gently.

“Wasn’t it?”

He asked, close to her ear and he gave Sean a quick look, but the other man only had eyes for her. Jessie trembled slightly between them and she took a little too long to answer. At the corner of his eye, Andy could finally see that she was smiling and she grabbed Sean by the waist and pulled him close.

“It was, but you were not much of a participant last time, Andy.”

“Well, I am now. I’ve had some practice, you know.”

“I’m aware.”

She said, turning her head to the side to look at him. She reached up and grabbed the back of his head more carefully this time and he took this an invite to keep continue what he started. His lips moved from her neck to her shoulder and down her back. He paused a little when he heard Sean speak. 

“Are there still rules?”

“You’ll have to ask Norman about that.”

“Well, fuck I’ve already broken that rule.”

Andy confessed and allowed one hand to slip to her belly.

“You’re always the one to break the rules, dude.”

He heard Norman speak from somewhere further away and he didn’t bother to look up, he was too occupied with feeling and tasting Jessie’s sweet skin. He missed Norman’s replay to Sean but it must have been a positive answer because within seconds, the two of them started to make out.

                                            ---------------------------------

Jessie was trapped in the most amazing human sandwich imaginable. Seeing Sean again was quiet the shock but a very pleasant one once she got over the surprise of seeing him there. Especially when she was completely naked and ready to fuck Andy. She could feel his erection poking her in the back and one of his hands were traveling very far down her body.

But at the moment she was too focused on Sean and feelings his lips to hers and his hands on her face. She was aware that Norman was watching them from the porch and she was also pretty sure he had a camera in his hands. As Sean moved his lips to the side of her neck that Andy wasn’t occupying, she took her time to look up. She found him standing on the bottom step, looking straight back at her. He raised the camera in his hands and snapped a few photos before setting the camera back on the stairs and moved closer to the trio.

“How about we move this inside? There’s someone else waiting to get in on the action too.”

It took a moment for the two men to react to what her husband said and it seemed both of them were reluctant to end what they had just started. When Jessie moved, however and ducked under Sean’s arm the spell was broken. She grabbed them both by the hand and tugged to make them follow. She noticed how Andy wanted to ask when they walked past her husband without her taking much notice of him. Norman answered the unspoken question however.

“I’ve all attention in winning this, man.”

“Winning what?”

Sean asked.

“We have a bet.”

Norman answered and fell into step behind them. She was trembling slightly inside and felt more nervous than she should but she was determined not to let it show. She could do this, she had before and it was easiest to just step into a role.

When she led the way to their bedroom however, and she found their third participant sitting on the edge of the bed, she stopped abruptly and made the two men behind her bump into her. Jeffrey looked straight at her and got to his feet and she lost a little of her nerve. Norman’s small giggle somewhere behind them, made her winning instinct kick in hard though and she gave the man in front of her a seductive smile that she was pleased was returned by the man looking her up and down.

“Holly shit…”

She let go of the men behind her and stepped into the bedroom and straight up to the only man in that room that she hadn’t fucked yet. She was curious, no doubt about that. But a little scared at the same time. She had gotten to know Jeffrey a lot better the past years but it was still a bit nerve wrecking to go all this way with him. She was mostly worried about how things would be after this. If it would be awkward and change things between them. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world about this however and grabbed her by the waist the moment she stood in front of him.

“You’ve no idea how long I have been fantasizing about this.”

“This ain’t no fantasy, this is all real.”

“Well, now I kinda wish it would’ve been just the two of us.”

He leaned down to her and said quietly enough that it didn’t carry to the other men. Jessie turned her head and watched Sean and Andy hoovering in the doorway. They were probably waiting on her to invite them in as they weren’t sure how she wanted to proceed. Fuck, she wasn’t sure how she wanted to do this. The first step was always the hardest. Sean and Andy had seemed ready to jump right in but at the sight of Jeffrey, they too must have lost their nerves a little bit.

“We could always start alone. Those two seem a bit nervous at the moment.”

Jessie said and put her hands on his lower stomach. She moved his shirt aside and started to undo his pants while he followed her every move with blazing eyes.

“You’ve a gorgeous body, Jessie.”

She halted for half a heartbeat at the zipper of his jeans when he spoke and cupped her chin in one hand and made her tilt her face up to look at him. She gave the man a smirk and he moved his face closer to her to kiss her, she was sure but only an inch away from her lips, he let out a gasp of surprise and widened his eyes. Her hand closed around his semi hard cock still inside his underwear. This move made the other men spring to action and she felt both of them move in behind her. One pair of hands grabbed her boobs from behind while another hand landed on her ass and the other on her belly. Jeffrey got over the shock of her hand on his cock quickly though and finally moved in to kiss her. It got so deep and hard that she felt herself gasp for air when he allowed her some space, if only for a second before he entwined his fingers hard in her hair and continued to kiss her while she continued her mission to undress not just him but Andy and Sean as well.

“I never got to finish what I started.”

Andy’s whisper was suddenly in her ear and before she could give any kind of response, she felt his fingers inside her. She broke free from Jeffrey’s mouth but he kept his tight grip on her still and held her gaze, grinning hugely at her when it was her turn to gasp. 

“No, not yet, babe. You gotta cum first.”

Jessie snapped her head around and found Andy when he spoke behind her. She tried to wriggle away from his caressing fingers and get down on her knees but Andy stopped her. She glared but then she heard Sean giggle at her and his fingers joined Andy’s and she gave up and melted into their touch.

“Shit…”

She reached out and found a bicep that she was pretty sure belonged to Sean, due to the size of the muscles. The other found Jeffrey’s shirt and she dug her nails into it and held on as Andy moved his fingers hard inside her and Sean’s fingers found her clit.

“Let go, Jess.”

Sean suddenly grabbed her chin and kissed her hard. Somehow she picked up on Norman’s voice close to them and he gave some kind of explanation to Andy. It confused her slightly as she wasn’t sure what they were actually talking about. It quickly dawned on her though, as Andy changed the angel of his fingers inside her and started to move them up and down instead of in and out. She lost all her will to try to establish some kind of dominance in their game when Andy found the spot that only Norman knew how to find.

“You might want to actually lay her down though, man. She’s probably going to collapse if you make her cum like this.”

She found Norman when he appeared right next to Jeffrey. He was a bit hazy but she could see that he was grinning at her.

“You’d want him to make you cum, don’t you, love? You want Andy to make you cum?”

He spoke when they were nose to nose and he kissed her gently.

“Yes.”

She breathed out the answer.

“Good girl.”

Barley had he finished his sentence before Jessie was being lifted off of her feet and placed in the middle of the bed and Andy followed, now completely naked. Sean got into bed next to her as well and she looked around the room for the other two. She located Norman at the foot of the bed, sitting a little to the right in the loveseat that usually occupied the space under the window. From there he would’ve a perfect view and they locked eyes for a moment. In her periphery vision she spotted Jeffrey at the other side of the bed, undressing.

“Sean…?”

She said his name while still looking at her husband.

“Yeah?”

She reached out for him without losing Norman from view and Sean caught on pretty quickly what she wanted as her hands started to fumble at the level of his crutch. He moved in on his knees at her head and first when she wrapped her hand around Sean’s solid manhood, did she tare her gaze away from Norman’s. She moved her head to other side and wrapped her mouth around the head of Sean’s longing dick. He hissed above her and she was even sure she could hear Norman make some kind of noise. Next second, she was the one to make a noise. It was a lot louder than Sean’s though and Andy sniggered from between her legs.

                                            ------------------------

From his seat in the loveseat, Norman had the best view in the house. Although he had taken care of himself just minutes before while taking a shower, he could feel himself getting hard all over again. This would be an extreme test for his self-control. Andy was on his knees between her legs, his fingers back inside her just like he had shown him. Sean, of course didn’t waste no time and made sure he got to feel her incredible oral skills first. Jeffrey was still hanging back a little but had at least lost all his cloths by now. He studied the trio on the bed for a while before joining them by kneeling on the other side of Jessie’s head. The movement made her turn her head away from pleasing Sean and look around to quickly locate the reason for it.

“I hear you give the best fucking blowjobs on the planet.”

Whatever response, Jessie wanted to give, it got lost when Andy finally seemed to have find just the right spot inside her and her entire body jerked on the bed and she cried out his name.

“She really does.”

Sean answered and the two of them looked at each other before turning their gaze to the woman instead. Jessie got so wrapped up in her own pleasure that she abandoned both men and tried to wriggle away from Andy’s touch.

“Hold her down.”

Sean frowned a little in his direction when Norman spoke.

“It gets more intense for her if she can’t move. Trust me.”

He said and winked at his friend as he got to his feet. He didn’t want to miss a second of this and walked up to the side of the bed at the same time as Sean moved a little bit further down. Andy pinned down her right leg to the mattress with his elbow and Sean put a strong hand on her pelvis and made her stop moving.

“Jessie.”

He spoke her name and her body froze at once and her eyes flew back open and found his.

“I’ll tie you up if you don’t stop moving.”

He bent down and grabbed her by the jaw. He could read the frustration in her eyes but at the same time she was so turned on, he knew all she wanted to do was scream. She shook her head quickly but he saw the playful smile start at the corner of her mouth.

“Later, baby. For now you need to let’em enjoy all of you.”

He kissed her lips once quickly before pulling away and walked back to the side of the bed to keep watching the show in front of him. Jeffrey moved and must have listen to his instructions too, because he laid down across her chest and stared to insult her boobs with mouth and hands, pinning her down further in the process. He also managed to grab hold of her other thigh and pushed it down, opening Jessie’s pussy up a little further. He moaned quietly to himself and wanted nothing else but to trade places with Andy and being the one that made her go absolute crazy. Still, seeing her being tortured in the best way possible by 3 of his closest friends were turning him on beyond anything he had ever experienced before. And when he took a look at Jessie, who’s head was tossing and turning while every profanity known to men, left her mouth, he knew she shared his feelings.

“Who would’ve thought you could be this loud.”

Jeffrey tilted his head so he could watch her face when he spoke. Somehow the words reached her and Norman saw her giggle but couldn’t find it in her to lift her head enough to look back at him.

“You haven’t been around long enough, Jeffrey. You never heard them fight, did you?”

Sean said. Jeffreys replay got drowned in a moan from Jessie, loud enough that Jeffrey jumped a little and actually looked a bit concerned when she actually stopped moving and even stopped breathing. As Norman turned back to look at Andy and his, now, expert fingers, he quickly noticed why as Sean had joined in as well and found her clit with his thumb.

A heartbeat later her whole body started to convulse and her intense orgasm soaked Andy’s hand as pulse after pulse pushing him out.

“How the hell did you do that?”

Jeffrey turned in shock to Andy and stared with his mouth wide open. As he glanced over at Jessie, however, he gasped and actually bent down to touch her face to make sure she was still alive. Norman sniggered and told his friend that she was perfectly fine. Jeffrey got his proof moments later when Andy made his move and grabbed her still shaking legs and placed them against his own shoulder and pushing himself inside her. Jessie arched her entire body up and cried out.

“Fuck! Shit, shit, shit….!”

Norman had to open up his extremely tight jeans to make room for his aching erection. But yet he had no plans to lose their bet. He turned his attention back to the bed just in time to watch Sean demand her attention back. She wrapped a hand firmly around him and moaned out a word that sounded like Jeffrey’s name, it was hard to tell with all the cursing going on from both her and Andy. It caught Jeffrey’s attention nonetheless and he eagerly got to his knees close to her head once again. He hissed and threw his head back when Jessie wrapped her hot mouth around him.

“Holly shit, you’re tight, Jess.”

Andy cursed loudly when another orgasm pulsed through her and her body started to shake once more and she made both Jeffrey and Sean hiss as he was sure she had lost a little bit of control and gone a little too hard on both of them.

“Turn around, babe.”

Sean placed a hand on the side of her face and made her release his own dick from her mouth. She pulled back a little and looked around at all three of them. She was holding on to both cocks as she looked over at him, licking her lips slowly and looking like she was higher than the Empire State Building.           

“Are you sure you don’t want to join in, babe?”

Her words were teasing, even though she was panting slightly. She cursed under her breath when Andy slipped out of her. He gave her a small smile and shook his head.

“I’m good.”

“Are you sure?”

She got to her knees and wrapped herself around Jeffrey and kissed him hard as she continued to stroke his erection. Behind her, she reached out for Sean, who took the hint and started to trail kisses down her neck and shoulders at the same time as his hands found her boobs.

“You’d give fucking amazing blowjobs, Jess. And I can only imagine what your pussy must feel like.”

“Do you want to fuck me, Mr. Morgan?”

“I do want to fuck your brains out, Mrs. Reedus.”

Jessie gave him a quick look and smirked, her eyes full of mischief and before he could protest, she had gotten to her feet and pulled Jeffrey with her as she walked over to him. She pushed Jeffrey down right next to him and climbed into his lap. He growled, making both of then look around at him.

“Are you still sure you’re “fine”?”

She asked as she without as much as a hesitation, helped Jeffrey inside her. It surprised his friend too, because he let out a startled curse.

“Holly fuck, J! You waste no time, do you?” 

“Once she gets starting, there’s no stopping her. Ain’t that right, babe?”

Sean was suddenly right behind them and he grabbed her by the back of the head and made her wince as she grab hold of Sean’s wrist in an attempt to prey his hand away. Sean was not going to go easy on her though and slapped her ass hard and leaned in close and whispered to her to start moving. She yanked her head free from his hold and grabbed hold of Jeffrey’s shoulders before starting to move up and down slowly.

“What are you doing? Waiting on a fucking invitation?”

Norman actually laughed out loud when Jessie spoke, turning her head around and glared at Sean. Sean snorted out a laugh and slapped her hard once more.

“Sorry, love. Just wanted to stretch you open a little bit first.”

Sean pushed his thumb inside her ass.

“No need for that, man. We had some fun this morning, she’ll be fine.”

At these words, Sean seemed satisfied and continued with Jessie’s wish.

“You want me to mov-?”

Jessie cut him off before he could finish his offer as Sean moved in closer behind her and put one foot on the sofa right next to him.

“You stay right where you are, Mr. Reedus.”

She actually reached out and put a hand on his thigh. They looked at each other and the look in her eye made him lose his self-control for just a minute and he grabbed her by the side of the head and kissed her hard and deep. She grabbed the back of his head all of a sudden and scrapped his scalp with her fingers. At the corner of his eye, he saw Sean push himself inside her ass.

“You’re really enjoying yourself right now, aren’t you, bitch?”

He bit her lower lip hard before speaking to her. She grinned from ear to ear back at him and bit him right back.

“You really should join us.”

“And lose our bet? No, babe, I’m good.”  

He was literally screaming inside and his cock was pounding so much it ached in every cell of his body but he really wanted to see where this was going and how long she would be able to keep it going. She pouted for the space of a heartbeat before refocusing.

                                            ------------------------------

Jessie turned away from Norman and found Jeffrey’s gaze at once as she turned her attention back to the man she was straddling. His rather impressive length lacked some of Norman’s width but having both of them inside her at the same time, made her cum after barley a minute of them pounding into her.

“Holly shit, Jess you’re tight!”

His hands closer around her neck on both sides and she grabbed both his hands with hers and held on tight as she yelled out her climax.

“Fuck! You feel so fucking good!

The man in front of her was breaking out a sweat and panted heavily.

“Hey, J…?”

Andy approached from the side and touched the top of her head carefully.

“What do you need, Andy?”

“I need you to wrap that incredible mouth of yours around my dick.”

“Shit, Andy since when did you become so pushy?”

The Britt moved close enough to her side that she could wrap one hand around his erection. She gave him a smug little smile and got one right back.

“Since I had experience in what you can do.”

“Exactly how many times have you guys done this before?”

She kept one ear in the conversation going on over her head as she bent down and took the head of Andy’s cock in her mouth and allowed her tongue to explore the slit and tasted his precum. He gave a loud appreciated moan above her and his hand wrapped gently in her hair.

“Together? Just once… Jesus, Jess!”

Sean hissed and his fingers dug into her hips yet a little tighter.

“But you said you-Oh my God…! You said you fucked her last year.”

Jeffrey said and Jessie felt how Andy moved a little and Jessie imagined the two of them looking at each other. She felt Sean stop moving behind her, buried deep inside her, for whatever reason and she wanted to ask him to keep going but she enjoyed the feeling of Andy’s cock in her mouth too much. Hearing him moan her name and curse made her extremely turned on.

“Oh, we fucked last year. Didn’t we, baby?”

Andy grabbed her hair and gave a hard tug, making her moan around him.

“She likes it rough, doesn’t she?”

Jeffrey laughed and Sean hit her ass hard enough that she actually gave up a muffled cry and closed her eyes tightly.

“Fuck yeah.”

Sean replayed.

“Well, in that case…Would you gentlemen mind moving back to the bed?”

Jessie had barley registered the conversation going on and loosened her grip around Andy’s cock, when she felt both Sean and Andy pull away from her, both of them groaning loudly in the process. Jeffreys arms came down hard around her upper body and he pulled her upright. She got lost the moment she was faced with the gorgeous and charming dimpled smile of the dark-haired man.

“Hey, baby girl.”

“Hey.”

“You’re the biggest freak I’ve ever meet, Jessie.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment so… Thank you.”

“How about I fuck your brains out now?”

“Give it your best shot.”

She challenged. An audible ‘woo’ went through the bedroom and Sean even gave an impressed whistle.

“Challenge expected, bitch.”

His hold around her body tightened further and it cost her to gasp out loud. Before she knew how it happened, she was back on the bed, on her hands and knees and Jeffrey was right behind her. He leaned down over her and gather her hair into a ponytail.

“Do you like it hard?”

The whisper in her ear made the hairs on her arm stand and it shot a jolt of anticipation straight to her pussy.   

“Yes.”

She gasped.

“How hard?”

“As hard as you can give me.”

The man gave a chuckle at her answer and wrapped her hair around his hand and yanked her head back at the same time as he slammed inside her. His hard thrusts touched her just right and for a moment she lost her vision and had to force herself to keep breathing. The intensity of her growing climax forced everything else aside and she lost track of what was going on around her. Andy was the one that called her back to reality. She felt Jeffrey release her hair and she wanted to protest as she wasn’t sure if she would be able to keep herself upright if he didn’t hold on to her. But Andy was there to catch her. He grabbed her jaw hard and she got her vision back when he kissed her hard and forced his tongue into her mouth.

“Jessie, baby are you ok?”

Her answer came out as an even louder cry of pleasure as Jeffrey slapper her as ass twice hard enough to leave marks she was sure, before beginning to gently caressing her. Andy smiled at her and she was glad he didn’t demand a verbal answer from her at the moment.

“I love you, J.”

He kissed her once more before letting go of her.

“I love you too, Andy.”

She forced the words out in a breath and turned her head around to look at Jeffrey. As their eyes met, he stopped moving and reached down to grab both her arms and forced her upper body up from the bed. He held on tight to her and leaned in to kiss her neck.

“I’m gonna fuck your brains out now, Jessie. Hold on tight.”

Even if she wanted to give a replay, she couldn’t find her voice as he seconds later sat a brutal pace and slammed her down around him. The angel made him go even deeper inside her and all she could do was yell out the incredible feeling of release as he touched her g-spot over and over again. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as they made her entire body start trembling once more in an unbelievable hard and wet orgasm.

“Oh, my fucking God…! Holly shit, J!”

He stilled himself inside her and she knew he did what Normal always did and stayed inside her while her orgasm still pulsed through her to be able to enjoy it to the fullest. Even though every pulse of her pussy would push him out, he held on to her and stayed inside her. She felt her own wetness trickle down her shaking legs. Out of the blue he suddenly pulled back a little and thrusted right back in.

“Fuck!”

Her eyes snapped open and her body worked by its own accord and tried to move away from Jeffrey’s penetration. But Sean was suddenly right in front of her and made her find her focus by grabbing her by the throat.

“You know you want this.”

He said and she nodded fiercely, making Sean grin and nod right back.

“Good girl.”

“How the hell do you ever stop fucking her, man? She just keeps on cumming.”

Jeffrey did indeed prolong her orgasm or maybe even made her have another one, it was hard to know at the moment because she was so high she never wanted to come down.

“I don’t.”

Norman’s answer made her giggle and she turned her head around to find him still on the sofa but now with his jeans opened and he sat stroking himself slowly. She wanted to head straight for him and his cock but Sean and Andy demanded her attention.

“I want a piece of that pussy too.”

Sean said.

“Go ahead, man.”

She groaned when he pulled out and slowly lowered her back onto the bed. The second her head made contact with the bed, she just wanted to close her eyes and stay here and ride high on the feeling that filled up every cell of her body at the moment.

“Oh, no, baby girl we’re not done yet.”

The fact that it was Andy who spoke made her open her eyes again and she smirked as she spun around to her back and found all three men sitting around her.

“I sure as hell hope not.”

She said and somehow found some inner power, probably her will to prove them all wrong and a chance of still winning, and she reached out for Andy and swallowed her cock in her mouth. Both him and Jeffrey cursed at her movement and she reached out her other hand and wrapped it around Jeffrey and started jerking him off.

Sean’s lips started to explore her entire body and he spent some extra moments on her boobs, which earned him a longing moan from her.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, Jess.”

She let the cock slip from her mouth and she lifted her head a little as Sean spoke and she found him kneeling between her legs.

“Well, you could always try to make me cum again.”

“I ain’t trying, bitch, I’m gonna have you scream my name.”

“Good.”

“Does she always cum like this?”

“Yeah…Well, maybe not always this hard, it all depends on how much effort I put into it.”

Jessie listened to the conversation between her husband and Jeffrey while going back to pleasing both men at her head.

“How the hell do you do it?”

“I’ll show you later.”

“Hilarie would probably be grateful for that.”

“Come on, man I’m sure you make her cum too.”

“Of course, but not like this!”

“It takes some practice and communication.”

“Then how the hell did you work that out?”

Jessie growled around Andy and tightened her hold around Jeffrey, making him wince and quickly apologize.

“Sorry, babe.”

He said and stroke her hair. At the same time she felt Sean’s fingers and tongue inside her and she threw her head away from both Jeffrey’s touch and Andy’s dick.

“Shit…!”

Her verbal curses were cut of short by Andy once again showing of his greedy side and demanded her attention back to his painfully hard erection.

“Christ, Andy you’re really into this today.”

Sean said and inserted a third finger inside her. He tapped his middle finger hard against the top of her pussy, making her jerk her hips but she forced herself to keep pleasuring the 2 needing men. Jeffrey was so close to the edge and every stroke she made, made him curse and twitch, bringing him closer to climax for each touch. Just as Jeffrey was getting closer so did she. Sean was really working his hardest to get her to cum as hard and fast as possible. He was working his magic very damn close to Norman’s skills and when he circled her clit hard and fast she couldn’t keep blowing Jeffrey and Andy.

“Fucking hell, Sean! Don’t stop! Please, don’t stop.”

“Please does help.”

One of the slightly younger men by her side spoke but as her orgasm tore through her she missed who it was. She screamed Sean’s name at the ceiling and squirted for what time that morning she wasn’t sure. The first wave of her climax hadn’t even stopped when she felt Sean move between her legs and he was inside her with a thrust so hard it made her black out for a second. When she regained her conscious, she found Sean and pierced him at once with wild eyes. She could feel her eyes bouncing in her head by in the euphoria that rushed through her. She reached out and grabbed hold of Sean’s biceps and wrapped her legs around him as he tugged her up into his lap. She got nose to nose with him and moved her hands to the back of his head and grabbed his hair.

“Hi, baby.”

She tried to find her voice to replay but all that came out were labored gasps as he kept pushing into her. She kissed him hard and he wrapped his arms around her as he laid back, brining her with him without breaking their kiss. She started to move around him but got stopped after only a moment by a pair of strong hands around her hips. Once again she was being penetrated both way at the same time and her body and lips stopped as she got used to the feeling. It took her a while but as they finally started to move, she realized it was Jeffrey who was inside her ass.

He didn’t last long though as she knew he wouldn’t. He cried out her name as he emptied her load on her ass and back and collapsed onto the bed right next to them. Jessie tore her lips away from Sean and was pretty fucking pride of what she had accomplished. The strong, muscular man was lying there, panting like he had been running a marathon and he had the biggest grin on his face and his eyes closed.

Andy seemed to think it was a shame to leave her empty so he quickly took Jeffrey’s place.

“I-I-I see why you-Fuck-Why you haven’t done this just once. Holly shit, Jessie!”

“Yeah, you get kinda addicted, don’t you…? Fuck!”

Andy spoke as he slowly helped himself inside her. She growled and collapsed onto Sean’s chest, burying her head at the crook of his neck. Within minutes Andy fell over the edge as well and his cum joined that of the older man sharing their bed.

“I’m so close, J.”

At the words from Sean, she turned back and looked down on him. She gave him a small smile before pushing herself back up and grabbed his hands for support. She sat back a little and allowed his entire size fill her up before starting to roll her hips around him. She went slow on him, wanting to drawn out their playtime just a little bit longer. And she knew it would drive Sean absolute insane.

She was right. Sean was tossing his head back and used every curse he knew over and over again while she rode him. They were both breaking out in a sweat and gasping for air as they got closer and closer to their end. She fell over first but he followed right after and she collapsed in uncontrollable trembles.

“I win.”

Norman spoke from the sofa but she didn’t even bother to look up at him. She didn’t have to know he was wearing a smug smile on his face. She didn’t care that he had won. They had both won really. Well, she mostly this far.


	26. Round two

“What was your bet about anyway?”

It took several minutes before anyone in the bed was able to actually form any kind of words. Jeffrey spoke first and pushing himself up a little and looked over at Norman.

“She didn’t think I’d be able to resist joining in.”

He answered.

“Well, I’m damn impressed you did. I never would’ve made it, man. What’s the price?”

Norman grinned and winked at the man and it also caught Andy’s attention.

“You gotta tell us, dude.”

Andy said at the same time as Sean tilted Jessie away from his body and laid her down next to him. She moaned softly and kept her eyes shut as she crawled close to Sean’s side.

“You think you could fetch a towel or something? She’s a complete mess, man.”

He gave a quick nod and got to his feet and left for the bathroom. When he returned neither of them had moved as much as an inch and it made him chuckle to himself. An hour worth of fooling around really had drained them all. He wasn’t still aching but his erection, back in his underwear, was still screaming for release. He kneeled on the floor by the bed and put the wet towel on his wife’s back. She flinched at first and tensed her muscles but as he kept going and started to clean her up, she sighed softly and moved her head a little and snuggled a little closer to Sean’s chest, her own chest still heaving fast and hard under his touch.

“So?”

“So, what?”

He asked Andy, half lying, half sitting against the headboard and tried to recover.

“What’s your price?”

“She is of course. Always. No price better. And if you’re up for it, you guys can stay as well.”

These words got the attention from the 3 men at once and he saw them all open their eyes to look around at him, making him crack up.

“Yes!”

Was the unison answer and it made Jessie begin to stir as well. She moved around so that she could look at him. Her eyes were a bit hazy but she had a smile on her face as they looked eyes. He removed a strain of hair from her face and leaned in to kiss her nose.

“Hey, baby.”

“Hey… I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Congratulations on winning the bet.”

“Na, I don’t know, I think we both won. Right?”

“Well, I’m the one that has gotten all the fun this far.”

“I had fun too, trust me.”

“Good.”

“What do you want to do?”

“How about some sex ed?”

He said and winked at her. She became highly alert at once at these words and her face lit up an excited grin.

“Yeah.”

“Might make you feel less guilty about Hilarie if he comes home with some new tricks up his sleeve.”

She nodded slowly and reached out to put her hand on his face. He leaned in to her touch and kissed her palm.

“You really are a freak.”

“And proud of it.”

She said and he could see she was really starting to get back to her full capacity again. He knew she would be soar and aching the next day but he also knew she couldn’t wait to keep going.

“Get up, bitch.”

“Yes, Sir.”

As she moved, everyone else sprang to action as well and made room for her as she laid down in the middle of the bed, not taking her eyes off of him once.

“You wanna know how I make her cum so hard?”

Jeffrey nodded eagerly once Norman turned to the left side of the bed and found him standing there.

“Hell yeah.”

“Just let me have some fun first, alright?”

He asked and reached over to the bedside table and opened up one of its drawers.

“Of course, man. Take all the time you want.”

He nodded mostly to himself as he found what he was looking for. With quick and effective fingers, he tied her hands together over her head to the headboard. Her breathing started to picked up at once as he hoovered over her.

“Tell me what you want, Jessie.”

“Fuck me.”

“Wrong answer, bitch.”

He grabbed her jaw hard and she tried to shake her head.

“You need to cum, baby.”

She said softly and he wanted to give in so bad at those words and just fuck her senseless.

“We’re not done with you yet, babe. I’m not done with you yet. I’m gonna make you cum first. Then Jeffrey will get his chance to do the same. You need to teach him, J. Think you can do that for me?”

Her shaking, turned into a nod and she started to pant with her mouth open.

“Good.”

He kissed her hard and long until they were both slightly breathless. As he abounded her lips, he moved on straight to the rest of her body. He kissed his way down, making sure to trace every inch of her graving body. Her skin was on fire under his touch and as he reached her boobs she arched her back and hips from the bed.

“Why the restraint?”

He ran his tongue over her lower ribs the question came from Jeffrey.

“Because she’s going to be frustrated and maybe even pissed at me when I stop.”

“Why would you stop?”

“To make it more intense. It’s all about building up to it. This is kinda cheating because she’s already so fucking turned on cause of what y’all did but getting her crazy horny is always the first goal… Trust me, spending time on foreplay is the best fucking reward you can get. Sometimes it’s a fucking drag I know and you just don’t’ want to wait but once in a while-“

“How the hell do you have the time for this with a baby in the house?”

“We don’t. Since she got back we mostly just fuck. Hard and fast. Nothing wrong with that but this is better.”

“How much?”

“Pretty much once a day.”

“Seriously?”

“For fuck’s sake, will you just stop talking already?!”

“See what I’m talking about? Frustrated.”

Norman nodded his head up to Jessie who was glaring at the both of them. Jeffrey chuckled and sat down at the side of the bed, close to Jessie’s head and reached out a hand to caress her cheek.

“I apologize, sweetheart. I’ll let your husband continue now but this is all so fascinating to me. I’m lucky if we managed to have sex once a week.”

An agreeing mumbled could be heard from the other two men and Norman grinned hugely to himself as he kissed his way to Jessie’s hips. He really was lucky to have found such a freak. The smell of her fluids was intoxicating but he knew she would explode within seconds if he touched her swollen clit right now. So instead he allowed his middle finger to slip inside her and he moaned when this simple touch made some of her arousal trickle out of her wet hole.

“Shit, baby you’re so fucking wet.”

She whined and moved her hips but as he hissed at her to stay still, she stopped at once. Carefully he moved the finger out of her and pushed back in again and her hips jerked once more.

“Jessie… If you can’t keep still I’ll tie you up.”

He looked back up at her and met her gaze. She bit her lower lip and gave him a challenging look that made him aware that, that was exactly what she wanted.

“Sean?”

He said his friend’s name as he pushed himself up on all fours and hoovered over Jessie once more and grabbed her by the throat. She gasped and so did Jeffrey next to them.

“Yep?”

“The box is in the closet.”

He simply said and heard how Sean moved at once.

“You’ve a box?”

“Don’t you?”

He tilted his head and looked at Jeffrey. The older man laughed and shook his head.

“Yeah, well I guess so. Never tried this though. I mean, both arms and legs?”

“I mean it’s not for everyone but if you show your wife how good it can be, I can assure you, you’re going to be rewarded big time. Ain’t that right, baby?”

“Just make me cum, Norman. Please.”

She begged as he looked at her.

“Soon.”

He said and started to kiss her at the same time as Sean made his way back to the bed with his findings. At the corner of his eye, Norman saw how he tossed Andy one of the already knotted ropes. He heard how Sean instructed him to slip the noose around her ankle before tying it to the bedpost. He felt her body yank and she gasped into his mouth as they stretched and spread her wide open. Once he was sure she was properly tied down he moved away from her kisses and left the bed. He wanted to really look at her and take a few pictures and also give her the chance to calm down just a little bit.

“I really don’t get how you can restrain yourself like this, man.”

Andy said, his eyes marveling over her body as she lay panting and tossing her head back and forth a little.

“J?”

To his surprise, Sean’s soft voice made her stop and he looked between the both of them as they stared at each other.

“Be a good girl and do as you’re told for once.”

She nodded slowly and Jeffrey gave a low whistle.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that you’ve had a lot more experience in dealing with her than the rest of us, Mr. Flanery.”

Sean just gave Jeffrey a smug smile and winked.

“Fuck yeah.”

“How many times?”

Andy asked.

“I don’t know, man. I’ve lost count by now. But together, the both of them? 4 times, well 5 now. And a few times alone.”

“Oh, your cheating little bitch.”

Jeffrey laughed at her but Jessie just shrugged as she looked at him.

“Trust me, if you were female or gay for that matter, you wouldn’t turn him down either. And Sean can be a lot rougher than Norman at the time.”

“I’ve heard you guys could get pretty rough though. I mean shading blood rough.”

Norman listen to Jeffrey’s conversation with his wife while he turned back to the sofa and picked up the camera lying on the floor next to it.

“Yeah but that was mostly me being rough with him. Or at least starting it.”

“So the rumor about you guys being abusive-“

“It’s not just rumors.”

“Why?” 

Jeffrey’s voice shook a little in shock but Jessie just gave a small giggle.

“Cause I asked me to… He really has the biggest heart in the world and he would never hurt me, you know that. But back in the day, well, I was looking for it.”

“For what? The pain?”

“Sort of. Or just to be able to feel something.”

“So he hit you?”

“Never before I hit him first.”

“Holly shit, man. You never told me about this.”

“It’s in the past, no reason to bring it up now.”

“What are we talking about here? Broken bones-“

“Fuck no… Jesus, Jeff what the hell do you think of me?”

“Not you, dude. But I know her good enough to know she would be able to go all Rambo on your ass if she’s pissed enough.”

“She almost killed me with a fucking stone sculpture a few months ago. Here.”

He held up his forearm closer to Jeffrey and showed him the scar there.

“You did that?”

Jeffrey turned to look at Jessie before turning back to him but he was too busy zooming in in Jessie’s face with the camera as she looked straight into it.

“With a broken bottle, yes. Nothing like this involved then though, she was just pissed at me. It’s just fun to be able to swish roles sometimes. Sean’s better at dominating her though.”

“There’re some things big brothers do better.”

Sean said, sniggering and Norman realized he was referring to the very first time the three of them had gotten together in bed and Sean had tied her up and tortured her by not letting her cum until she begged. He had never been able to do that to her before that but he had learned over the years. Or maybe it was all about her actually letting him exercise some kind of dominance over her.

“Norman…”

His name escaped her lips in a low whisper, full of longing and he looked straight into her eyes. They were glassy and begging and he knew she was ready. Besides, he wasn’t sure he would be able to wait a second more. He put the camera aside and crawled back in between her legs. He needed to still his addiction to her taste before he made sure she came though and he leaned in close to her wet pussy and drew a long breath before putting his tongue inside her. Carefully he tasted her without making her cum but he still made her body move as much as it possible could in her restraint. Her panting and cursing told him she was getting close even though he avoided her clit and he forced himself to stop. When he leaned away from her pussy he felt her right leg kick, well it would’ve if she was tied down and he was glad Sean had done a good job or her knee would’ve broken his nose.

“No!”

“Yes, baby. Hold on. You know I’ll make you cum.”

“Now! Please, baby.”

“Soon.”

He whipped his mouth but as he glanced down at her sex he couldn’t help himself and started to kiss and lick her inner thighs just for the chance to get to taste her again without making her cum. When he submerged again to look at her, her chest was heaving fast and hard and she was breaking out in a sweat. Just like he wanted her and he got to his knees between her legs and put two fingers inside her. He didn’t even have to search for what he was looking for, he knew where her special spot was by now and he touched her carefully. Her body jerked by the touch and she cursed his name loudly.

“You’ll know when you find her spot. It takes some practice but it’s worth it.”

He said to Jeffrey who was following every move he made with wide eyes. He moved his fingers up once more and she spasm once more and yelled.

“See what I mean?”

Jessie eyes were starting to drift out of focus and she tossed her head.

“I mean… This is some intense shit, man. Sure I can make this happen-“

“Absolutely. I tried this on my wife. It took a few tries but once you find what works for you it’s fucking awesome.”

Andy assured Jeffrey and he let the bizarre conversation bother him for 1 second before realizing he was actually just helping his buddies out. Everyone was gaining from him teaching them to make their wife’s cum, even though it sounded really fucked up as he ran the sentence through in his head.

“Yeah. It’s all about finding her spot, although most women have the same. And move your hand up and down.”

“Not in and out?”

“Not once you’ve found it.”

He said, smiling as he did just that and Jessie yelled out his name at the top of her lungs and never really stopped as he put some real force behind it. Within 10 seconds, she climaxed violently around him and drenched his hand in her cum and her body started to cramp up and shake. He sat back on his heels a little and appreciated his accomplishment to the fullest, probably even a bit smug.

“Give it a try.”

Jeffrey looked absolutely startled when Norman spoke to him.

“Now? She’s still fucking-She’s… I don’t wanna hurt-“

Norman laughed and cut his friend off.

“Does it look like she’s hurting, dude?”

Jeffrey turned his head and took one quick look at the euphoric face of Jessie and seemed to change his mind right away. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Na, man.”

“Trust me, she can take it.”

“She really can, Jeff. Don’t worry about it.”

Sean added and Andy nodded as well and Norman frowned just for a moment at his two friends that was not sharing their bed at the moment. He wasn’t sure he liked the fact that they had gotten to know her _that_ well. He shook it off though and traded places with Jeffrey and laid down next to Jessie and pushed himself up on one elbow to be able to look at her and what Jeffrey was doing. She was still tossing her head back and forth and her eyes were rolling around in their sockets as she panted hard.

“Jessie, love? Pull yourself together.”

He grabbed her gently by the chin and forced her face around to look at him. It took an extra moment but finally she was able to focus on him and she started to giggle.

“You’re fucking unbelievable, Mr. Reedus.”

“Yeah, well I’ve had practice. But right now you need to focus and make sure Jeffrey learns how to do this too.”

“No offense, Jeff, or any of you really, but you’ll never bet him at this.”

“Hey, none taken, girl but if you could help me just a fraction, I’d be happy.”

“It’s really like Norman said, you’ll know when you find it.”

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m on cloud fucking number 9 right now.”

“Think you can handle me trying to do this too?”

She nodded quickly and shut her eyes as Jeffrey really didn’t waited for an answer but pushing two long fingers inside her.

“She’s still fucking coming, man.”

“Yeah, imagine fucking her when she’s still going. Best fucking feeling in the world.”

“Jez, take it easy. Are you trying to reach my uterus? It’s not always about going as far as you can get.”

“Sorry.”

Jeffrey quickly apologized when Jessie redirected his action inside her. She still moaned and seemed to really love having him there but she was, as Sean had told her, doing as she was told for once and Norman gave her an approving nod. She didn’t see it though as she cursed loudly as Jeffrey pulled back a little.

“Use your other hand and put it on her lower abdomen and push down.”

“Why?”

“Makes the nerves or some shit easier to reach. There’s a lot of detailed videos online if you’re really into learning the autonomy of-“

“Fuck no, not right now. I’ll take your word for it.”

Jeffrey did as instructed and within seconds, Jessie’s breathing started to pick up once more and she lost a little bit of her focus.

“Shit, there… Right there. Fuck, Jeffrey! Harder!”

“You feel it, right? It feels a little different.”

“Yeah. Yeah, man, it’s… Am doing this right?”

Jeffrey looked for an answer from Jessie but Norman just sniggered when he turned to look at her as well and saw her eyes starting to roll again.

“You’re not going to get much out of her now, dude. So, yeah you’re doing it just right. Just don’t going with any slow and careful shit, at least not with her. The harder, the better. Up and down, not in and out.”

She tensed her entire body as Jeffrey did as told but slumped within a minute or two as he suddenly stopped as she was close to fall over the edge. Norman grinned at his friend as he wore an evil little smile on his face. Jessie however lifted her head and narrowed her eyes at him and hissed.

“Why the fuck you stop?!”

“Cause I can.”

“Fuck you, Jeffrey!”

“Now, baby you’d think you be a little nicer seeing as you’re all tied down and actually not able to do shit-“

“Fine, fine, fine…”

Jessie quickly changed her mind and begged just once while looking at him and Norman could tell those eyes had the same effect on his friends as it usually had on him.  

“Fucking angle eyes.”

He muttered to himself as Jeffrey went back to his task without as much as a second hesitation. This time he found her right spot in seconds and Jessie cried out her lover’s name and tensed her body under his touch. This time he didn’t stop as she got closer to exploding. Neither did he stop when she actually did cum but he kept going with the same hard fucking of his fingers and Jessie kept cuming and yelling and cursing at the top of her voice.

And Norman gave up then and moved quickly to Jeffrey’s side and put a hand on his shoulder.

“You mind if I cut in?”

Jeffrey looked up at him and quickly shook his head.

“Of course not.”

He quickly made room for him and Norman moved straight in between her legs and pushed himself inside her. Her pulsing orgasm hugged his cock so hard he closed his eyes and groaned loudly as he placed his entire body over her and grabbed her head between his hands. Her eyes were huge and staring as she looked back at him and she was panting hard with her mouth open. Quickly he reached up and untied her hands and behind him he could feel probably Sean doing the same to her ankles. Although every limb of her body was shaking, she wrapped them all around him as soon as she was free from her restraint. Her arms came down hard around his neck and she grabbed hold of the back of his head and her legs hugged his waist as he started to move inside her. He could barley remember a time she had been this wet and turned on before and it made him beyond turned on and he didn’t give a shirt that he wouldn’t last long. Fuck, he had last for 1,5 hours really so he was more than justified to finally be able to cum now. He moved slowly but hard, prolonging the incredible feeling that Jeffrey had started and her inside kept cramping all around him while he moved and she just kept on cuming and cuming. Finally he couldn’t hold on any longer and he emptied himself inside her, muffling the scream of her name in her neck and collapsed on top of her.

                                            --------------------------------------

Jessie couldn’t lose the grin on her face and the feeling of being high for several hours after their little party had dissolved. Jeffrey and Andy left the house after a second round of blowjobs from her but Sean stayed behind. Once they had left, they three of them took a much-needed shower together and she was once more getting spoiled with tender and loving hands and lips from the both of them.

“I love you, Jessie.”

She smiled with her eyes closed and crawled close to Sean’s side and put an around his waist and put her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her head, sighing deeply.

“I love you too.”

“It’s pretty fucking insane that we can do this, right?”

She mumbled in agreement and turned her attention back to the TV where Jon Snow just returned from the death on an old episode of Game of Thrones. She could hear the car in the driveway and Norman returning from fetching their daughter.

“It’s not weird though, right?”

“No, I’m good. Why would it get weird?”

“I don’t know. It’s just different now I guess. I mean with Norm and I…”

“Yeah but he was the one wanting to do this.”

“I know. I’m just… Worried I guess.”

“About what?”

“Of him breaking down any second now. You know, freak out and just be pissed and realize he actually hates me.”

“Come on, J, he could never hate you.”

“I’m not so sure. I mean, I wouldn’t even blame him if he hated me after what I did to him and Melodi.”

“It wasn’t like you could control it, Jess…. Stop being so hard on yourself, baby. It was out of your control. It’s not like you wanted it to happen and he knows that.”

“I hope so.”

Her concentration changed at once when the front door open and the cries of their daughter carried all the way into the bedroom. Her body was so completely drained of energy though that she didn’t want to move an inch more for the rest of the day. Thankfully she could hear Norman’s quick steps through the house and he walked through the bedroom door within seconds of entering the house. Melodi was angrily moving around in his arms but as she spoke her daughter name, Melodi stopped fussing at once and turned her head towards the sound. And Jessie felt herself tear up and her throat got all thick with emotions.

She released Sean and pulled herself up against the headboard just as Norman walked up to the bed and handed her over to Jessie and gave her a quick kiss before collapsing right next to her. She grabbed her daughter and hugged her tightly, making the girl’s angry cry change to a happy laugh and she snuggled close. Jessie blinked and felt the tears starting to fall as the baby girl kept laughing and trying to get closer to her mother.

“She woke up at 9 this morning and hasn’t slept yet.”

Norman said and she turned to look down at him. He was resting a hand under his head and the other on his chest where his breathing made it heave a little too fast. Next, she looked over to the alarm clock and noticed that it was almost 3 o’clock.

“No wonder she’s angry then.”

“Yeah. I feed her before I left Andy’s, thinking she’d fall asleep in the car but I guess she wasn’t feeling it at all.”

“Nap time sounds like a good idea.”

When Sean spoke, Melodi turned her head at once and tried to find her uncle. Sean propped himself up on one elbow and took one of her little hands and kissed it.

“You grove too fast, baby girl.”

“Tell me about it.”

The words came from both parents at the same time, making all three adults begin to giggle. Jessie looked between the two of them as they were both admiring the child on her chest and she had never felt safer for both herself and her daughter at that moment. These two would make sure Melodi was kept safe and happy until their dying day. With that comforting thought at the back of head, she grabbed Melodi a little tighter and laid back down between the two men. Norman moved at once and turned to one side and put his arm over her waist. She turned her head to look at him but he was already drifting off to sleep and she watched his face getting more and more relaxed and his breathing getting heavier and heavier. She felt Sean move in close to her other side as well and Melodi settled quickly on her chest. The girl’s breathing slowed quickly too and she felt her relax under her hands. Within minutes the bedroom was filled with heavy breathing and she closed her eyes and drifted off as well.


	27. Panel

_I need u to stay on her like a fucking band aid this weekend! She’s going to try to pull of some crazy shit, I just know it_

Norman texted Tim in the car leaving the hotel with Jeffrey, Josh and Tom on Saturday morning, going to the first day of Walker Stalker Nashville.

“What’s the face about?”

He looked up from his phone, a little startled when Jeffrey spoke and he dropped the phone to the floor of the car. Once he retrieved it, he noticed all three of them watching him.

“Whenever you’re worried about something, you get this frown on your face and you look 100 miles away, dude. What’s up?”

“Jessie.”

He said simply and got a replay from Tim at the same time.

_On it… But you know I won’t be able to stop her if she sets her mind to it_

_Fucking carry her away!_

_Are you serious?_

_YES!_

_She’ll kill me, man_

_U’ll be fine_

_U won’t be_

_As long as she and Mel are safe_

_Alright_

_Let me know when u guys leave_

_Will do_

_Thanx_

_Stay safe today Reedus_

_Always_

“What’s going on?”

Tom asked when he finally tore his gaze away from the phone and turned his attention back to the present.

“She’s coming out later today.”

“To the convention…? Fuck, that’s brave of her.”

Jeffrey said, whistling between his teeth.

“More like fucking insane.”

Norman said, sighing heavily and looking out the window. He had made her promise not to do anything else but simply check out the convention really quickly and under a disguise but still the he had this nagging feeling at the back of his head that she would do something insane. And the worst thing was that that feeling usually turned out to be true and he had no way of stopping her. He felt a hand on his thigh and he turned to find Jeffrey calm and assuring smile.

“You know she can take of herself, right?”

“Yeah and she would never put that gorgeous baby girl of yours in danger.”

Josh added from his seat across from him. He heard what they were saying and he knew it to be true but today it didn’t help one bit.

“Not helping today, though, is it?”

He turned towards Tom when he spoke with an understanding smile on his face and Norman shook his head

“Nope.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better we can all promise to keep an eye out for her.”

“It won’t but thanks, Tom.”

“Ever thought about adding a second person to her personal security?”

Norman laughed out loud at Jeffrey’s question.

“Yeah, I mentioned it a few days ago.”

“It didn’t go down so well?”

“Let’s just say I was inches away from losing my dick permanently and she’s still pissed at me, meaning we haven’t actually had sex for 3 days.”

“3 days, huh? You must be aching, man.”

Jeffrey’s teasing made the rest of the men chuckle and it finally put a smile on his own face as well and the worry about Jessie slipped half an inch to the back of his head.

                                            -------------------------------

Back at the hotel, Jessie was enjoying a late breakfast in bed with her daughter while going through a whole bunch of e-mails on her laptop. The child in her lap was keeping herself busy by trying to feed herself small pieces of fruit. Their hotel suite at the Hilton’s was one of the better they had stayed in and the bed was big enough that it fitted Melodi very comfortable as well, even though she had her own crib as well. She was still a bit pissed at her husband and knew that she used Melodi as a way to keep him away and not try to get too close.

She knew the question would come and she knew he asked out of love and concern for her but having Tim around as soon as she stepped outside was more than enough for her. She had protested violently and shut the conversation about additional security very firmly and quickly and he had for once known the battle was lost.

_I know u’re outside the damn door. Come in and have some breakfast instead_

She wrote Tim a quick text as she was done with her e-mails and shut and put the laptop away. Within seconds she heard the click of the door and he walked through the room and poked his head inside the separate bedroom.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.”

The tall man walked over to the bed and bent down to kiss Melodi’s head. The girl laughed and waved her arms and managed to smear some banana in his face.

“Thanks, sweetie.”

Jessie giggled and handed over a napkin to the man as he took a seat in the big armchair in a little to the left of the bed.

“Sorry about that.”

She grabbed her daughter and turned her around to face her instead and ask Tim to give her the bowl of oatmeal on the table next to him. 

“Help yourself.”

She said to the man and gestured to the overflowing breakfast tray Norman had made sure was in the room before he left.

“So, what’s the plan, Jessie?”

He asked, half way through his own breakfast and Melodi seemed to be done as well. She was mostly just playing with the food after finishing the whole bowl of oatmeal and a few pieces of Jessie’s eggs.

“What times is it?”

“10.45.”

“Would you mind walking?”

“Not at all. It’s not far.”

“Good.”

“Are you sure you’re going to do-“

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Tim!”

He sniggered and shrugged.

“Yeah, well I had to try.”

“It will be fine.”

“If you listen to me, sure it’ll be fine.”

“I would never put myself or her in danger.”

“I know that. But FYI, your husband gave me permission to physically carry you away-“

“I’ll murder you, Tim.”

“If it keeps you and that little one safe, I’m down with that.”

“Ok, good… Are you all done, honey? Could you keep an eye on her while I go and get ready?”

“Of course.”

She kissed her daughter and handed her over to the man before heading to the bathroom. She closed the door, smiling to herself as she heard the conversation between the two begin. Tim might look like the angry pitbull but his heart melted just as much as everyone else as Melodi smiled and started chatting.

She tied her hair back in 2 fishtail braids and put on a natural makeup.

“Since when does she move?!”

Tim's freaked out voice reaches her when she was just about done. She opened the door without stepping out and saw then both on the floor. Melodi was rolling from her tummy to her back and pushed herself up on hands and knees.

“Oh, this? Since last week.”

“What kind of super humans do you guys produce? She’s not even 6 months!”

“Yeah I know.”

She turned back to the mirror and fixed the last of the makeup.

“She’s going to be crawling soon.”

“Probably.”

She collected what she needed from the bathroom and packed it into the diaper bag by the front door.

“Are you carrying her or do we take the stroller?”

“I’m thinking both. She probably won’t be that happy in the carrier the whole day.”

“You said you were just having a quick look around.”

Tim reminded her and she put on an innocent and confused look at once.

“Did I?”

“For fucks sake, J you’re going to kill him. And me!”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Well I’m sticking to your side like a fucking zombie.”

“I swear to God you’re going to be the one blowing my cover.”

“What damn cover, Jessie? Everyone’s going to recognize you.”

“Well I ain’t going to hide, Tim. What kinda life is that?”

“You know I agree with you, hon but I just wish you'd be more careful.”

“I will be, Tim I promise.”

“Good. I love you, you know. This is not just a job anymore.”

“I love you too, Tim…. Well, I’m all set to go. You’re ready for this?”

“Are you?”

“Fuck no.”

She admitted but smiled all the same. She never was one to turn down a challenge. And this was one hell of a thing, even for her, to pull off. It was a risky move but she knew she had to do it if she was ever going to start living some kind of normal life. Maybe everyone was right and a Walker Stalker con wasn’t the best start but she had had a habit of proving people wrong before.

The 15-minute walk to the center turned out to be very uneventful indeed and she simply enjoyed the quiet stroll with Tim while they talked about his latest trip back to the west cost to see his kids. As they got closer to the venue and more and more people stated to show up all around them, she felt Tim move in a little bit closer to her. She cursed him quietly when he even stepped up right in front of the stroller as a volunteer, probably spotting their _all access_ passes and just trying to be friendly.

“Chill, Tim and let the woman speak.”

Jessie took the man by the elbow and looked around at the short Asian woman and got a radiant ‘hello’.

“Hi.”

“Let me take you to our back entrance, Mrs. Re-“

“Please, don’t.”

She interrupted quickly in a low voice and touched the woman’s arm carefully. She nodded slowly and never lost the big on her face as she quickly looked around to see if she had made any damage. Before anyone could move any closer however, Tim took charge and asked to be taken inside.

“She’s so cute.”

Melodi did of course try to steal the spotlight the moment a stranger approached and Jessie wished once more that their daughter would tone down her social skill training. But as soon as the woman looked at her, the girl charmed her audience like so many times before.

“Thank you.”

“I’m Charity by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Jessie.”

“I’ll take you guys to the green room and you can leave anything you don’t want to bring with you there. There’s always security and volunteers there so they will help you out with whatever you need.”

“Are there any high chairs up there?”

“I don’t believe so but I’ll take care of it, alright?”

“Thank you. It’s no rush really, Norman isn’t doing lunch for another hour at last.”

Jessie said and looked at her wristwatch at the same time as they were shown inside the building and the woman quickly and effectively guided them to the heavily secured celebrity guest area.

“I’ll leave you here. Just let us know if you need anything and I’ll take care of that highchair for you.”

“Thank you for your help.”

“Of course, Mrs. Reedus. Enjoy your day.”

“You too.”

They got left alone and Jessie turned straight to the stroller and picked up Melodi, who was already fighting to get free. When she turned around to find Tim, he was not there and she looked around for him. She found him talking to some of the security guards and she narrowed her eyes at his direction, hoping he could feel her scowling at the back of his neck. She knew this could take a while, once he got talking about her security details, it usually did and she brought Melodi over a set of sofas where Melodi could stretch her legs a little.

“Jessie?”                                                                                                              

She tore her gaze away from the jumping girl in her lap and looked up to find James approach.

“Hi!”

“Great to see you again. How are you?”

He sat down next to her and gave her a one-armed hug that got slightly interrupted by Melodi trying to turn away from her mother and greet the newcomer.

“I’m really good.”

“Hey, sweetheart, nice to finally meet you.”

“You might as well take her, she’ll demand your attention anyway.”

Jessie said as Melodi kept trying to twist around in her mother’s arms and starting to get frustrated when she didn’t move fast enough. Once James grabbed her and turned her around to face him however, she started to jump once more in his lap and gave up a happy shrike.

“Hi…! You’re the cutest thing I ever saw. Hi, Melodi.”

“How are things going?”

“Very smoothly this far. It helps when the guests are on time.”

He said and winked a little in Jessie’s direction but turned his attention back to the girl very fast as she kept talking to him and wave her arms in his face.

“It wasn’t without effort, I tell ya that.”

“Yeah I’m sure. Can’t say that I blame him though. Who would like to leave her? You’re quiet the charmer, your daddy’s going to have his hands full in a few years.”

“Yeah…”

“Thank you for getting him here, Jessie. I really appreciate it. I know it can’t have been an easy decision.”

“Well, we had to start somewhere. He needs this, this is what he does. I just don’t think he realized how much he has missed it or needs it. I mean, it’s been 3 months without any kind of interaction with the fans. Has there been any issues? With the autographs session I mean?”

“Nothing too serious. I was over there when he first got here and-I mean, there were a lot more crying than usual. But other than that, nothing. It’s just a lot of emotions going on, you know.”

“As expected.”

“Yeah.”

Tim seemed done with whatever he had been doing and Jessie watched as the man walked across the floor towards them. As Melodi seemed very content with being with James at the moment she decided to have a talk with the man and just make sure he understood the rules once and for all. She didn’t have time to open her mouth however when she got to her feet and walked up to him. He put up a hand and stopped her.

“I know what you’re going to say so save your breath, J. This is not your responsibility. This is what you and your husband pay me for so just fucking suck it up and do as you’re told for once in your life, Jessie. I don’t do this shit to piss you off, I do this to keep you and your daughter safe. No one else is actually going to be around besides me, but they need to know that you’re here and to keep an eye out. Alright? Think you can live with that?”  

The man spoke so fast and clearly that she swallowed every replay she had formed in her head and found herself nodding instead. Tim seemed just as surprised as she felt at this reaction and nodded right back.

“Good.”

“Thank you.”

She said and the simple word put a smile on the man’s face and he reached out and pulled her into a hard hug and kissed the top of her head.

“Let’s do this.”

He said as he let her go.

“Ok.”

She collected the carrier and some other items from the stroller while listening to the two men and her baby girl behind her. It was pretty fascinating to her that two grown ass men could become such marshmallows by the mere presence of a baby.

“Wow! That’s fucking amazing!”

James got to his feet as she approached, already putting on the new carrier they had received only days before. The same company they had used from the birth of Melodi had made them a costume made carrier in black and with the white Daryl Dixon wings on it. She beamed at the man and he gave her, her daughter.

“There’s a lot of perks in being married to Daryl Dixon.”

“You mean besides getting to know me?”

James joked and laughed before telling them both to go enjoy themselves and that he would see them around. Within seconds he was gone and they were once again left alone. She strapped the girl in on her chest and put a hat on her just to make it a little harder for people to sneak pictures of the baby girl.

“Could you please try and not demand the attention of everyone you see today, Mel?”

Tim snorted a laugh at Jessie’s words as they left the greenroom and headed down to the main floor.

“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.”

She chose to ignore Tim and tried to take in everything that was going on around her as they finally made it through the doors and ended up on the convention floor. The amount of people shouldn’t surprise her, as she had done this before, but she had somehow forgotten how big these things were. Melodi stated to turn her head back and forth at once as the loud crowd reached them. Jessie cursed under her breath and hated that Melodi had inherited her mother’s curiosity and her father’s need for social interaction.

They made it through the first couple of vendor and artist booths without drawing any attention but it quickly vanished as she bumped into Alanna being escorted back to her table and both of them totally freaked out and shirked each other names at the same time as they embraced. Tim cursed loudly and they realized at the same time their mistake and Jessie actually wanted to kick herself.

“Damn, sorry about that.”

Alanna said with her mouth tightly shout as people around started to gather a lot closer. She grabbed Alanna by the arm and they continued on their way towards the actress table. While back there, she finally turned her full attention to her friend and beamed at her once more and hugged her.

“It’s good to see you again. How are you?”

“Awesome. Just finished the photo ops. Did you just get here?”

“Yeah, like literally 10 minutes ago.”

“Hey, baby girl.”

Alanna turned her attention to the girl on her chest and took her hand and kissed it, making Melodi laugh and try to move closer. She got hold of Alanna’s hair and tugged her close and made some kind of attempt to a kiss, although it mostly looked like she tried to eat her. Alanna just laughed and kissed the girl right back all over her face and neck.

“I could just eat you up, you’re so cute… Does he know you’re here?”

“Yeah. I texted him on our way here.”

“He’s not very happy with you, is he?”

“Not at all. But if he wanted to have someone who just sits inside all day, he should’ve married fucking Rapunzel or something.”

Alanna laughed and gave her a high five.

“I’ll let you get back to work. I’ll come by later. Do you have your daughter here?”

“Yeah, she’s back at the hotel. You’re staying at the Hilton too, right?”

“Yeah. Let’s do dinner tonight.”

“Absolutely.”

She started to walk away from her friend but Alanna grabbed her hand and held on a little longer.

“And, J?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s a good thing you’re not doing as your told. He needs a challenge.”

She said and winked at her and Jessie gave her the thumbs up back and rejoined Tim at the start of the que. But it was with a lot more difficulty that she tried to make it through the rest of the stands. People kept their distance but they were still a little too close for her liking and she kept a tight hold of her baby girl. Melodi, however, didn’t seemed bothered at all by all the people around them.

“Hey, look at these.”

She tried to distract Tim a little from the stress and just make him feel a little more comfortable. He had grown into a family member first off and she waned to talked to him and ask his opinion. They had had that conversation on a numerous of occasion and she knew he view her the same but it was hard for him to let his guard down. She heard him sigh heavily but he moved in beside her by the vendor booth she had found and looked at what she had found. She picked up a metal print of the Walking Dead logo and showed it to Tim. He leaned down a little to take a closer look and Melodi took advantage of him being close and she grabbed him by the ear.

“Ouch!”

Jessie quickly intervened and pulled her daughter away and she gave an angry cry, making Tim actually crack up in a laugh and he bent down and kissed her face.

“You make life a little easier.”

He said quietly and Jessie was pleased to see that he relaxed a fraction next to her and together they looked through the different prints until Jessie found 2 that she just couldn’t leave without. It was after this that the first brave soul in the venue dared approach and ask for a selfie. The female in her late twenties spoke with a shaky voice as she excused herself but she managed to get the question out.

It might seem to be just a nice gesture when she offered to take the picture herself with the woman’s phone, but it also made her be the one deciding how the picture was taken. This meant Melodi wasn’t included in any of the pictures.

“Jessie, please I want you to move somewhere where it’s not so… Crowded.”

Tim had finally had enough after more than 30 minutes of barley making it 2 yards on the convention floor due to everyone wanting to stop and chat and take selfies. As she looked around she noticed that the crowd had actually gotten a little too big even for her liking and she took Tim by the arm and nodded to him. At the same time 2 additional security guards showed up out of nowhere and before she could even say a proper goodbye or thank you to everyone around, she was being escorted away.

“Take me to Sean.”

She stopped in the middle of a step when she realized they were going to take her out of the building and probably back to the greenroom. 2 of the men behind her, bumped into her and tried to make her start walking again.

“Tim!”

She hissed his name angrily and the man slightly ahead of her, turned around and looked at her. She put on her most stubborn and pissed face and knew it had worked when Tim groaned in frustration but turned to the men behind her and nodded.

“You’re fucking killing me, J.”

“Yeah, that’s my mission in life right now.”

She said, sniggering and winked at the man as he looked at her over her shoulder. He started to laugh too and put an arm around her and they started to make their way towards Sean’s table as straight as they possible could. Sean was in the middle of a conversation with a fan when they got there and after Tim had talked to the volunteers, they walked past the line and Jessie waited besides his table while Sean finished. When she stopped moving, Melodi didn’t even wait 5 seconds before starting to complain about being stationary and still strapped in.

Quickly she undid the carrier and lifted her onto the high table and breathed out a sigh of relief to be out of the crowds.

“Hey.”

Sean sneaked in close to her and put his arm around her and pulled her close to his chest and kissed her head. She kept a firm arm around Melodi but felt such a strong need to be close to the man at the moment that she dropped her head to his chest and put the other arm around him and hugged him tight. She relaxed at once when he engulfed her in his arms and just held her for a moment. She was even able to tune out all the noise around her and it was a relief to shut of her brain, if only for a moment.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m ok.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, Sean I’m good.”

She assured him and he pulled away with another kiss on her head and she squeezed his waist a little harder before he turned his attention to the baby sitting on the table and had gotten hold of a pen.

“Hey, sweetheart are you going to help me sign some pictures?”

Jessie released her daughter as Sean moved in front of her and made sure there were a secure barrier around her with his arms. Melodi abounded the pen at once as she noticed Sean talking to her and she tried to grab his face as she laughed. And Jessie was sure, her heart wasn’t the only one melting at the sight when Sean leaned in and kissed and hugged the girl and said a softly ‘I love you’ to her.

“Can you hang for like 15 more minutes then we can go for lunch?”

“Sure. Tim just banished me from the floor anyway.”

Jessie said and nodded towards the man, standing at the side of the line, stopping everyone that got too close with a phone and trying to sneak a picture. Sean sniggered and nudge her in the ribs.

“Come on, J cut the man some slack, he’s just doing his job.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

She said and gave the man who would guard her with his life, a smile, although he couldn’t see it. Sean turned his attention back to the line of fans and Jessie turned back to her daughter on a mission to keep her entertained for however long Sean was going to be there. It wasn’t really a hard task as Melodi was extremely happy just being close to her mother and trying to grab a bunch of pens on the table around her.

“Here comes reinforcement.”

Jessie looked around in confusion as she heard Sean speak next to her. She noticed he had grabbed his bag and seemed ready to leave and she realized she had lost track of time while being totally focused on her daughter. Sean nodded his head to the opposite direction and Jessie turned as well and spotted Stacy coming charging directly at her.

“For fuck’s sake…”

She sighed as the man stopped to talk to Tim but pierced her with an intense look.

“Come on, sweetheart. Time to go see daddy.”

Sean grabbed Melodi securely on one arm and put the other around Jessie’s shoulder and she grabbed his hand, before they started to make their way back to the greenroom. As they were out of the crowd and away from eavesdropping ears Jessie started to form an angry question to Stacy but Sean quickly cut her off and started telling a joke that made her lose her train of thought and she totally forgot to be pissed at the overprotected men in her life. She tried to be angry with him at first but as she took a look at him and he was grinning like a fool, plus holding the love of her life in his arms, the anger washed away quickly and she started laughing as they finally reached the greenroom.

                                            --------------------------------

The morning had gone pretty smoothly and he had quickly gotten into the swing of things, although there had been about 1000 % more breakdowns than usual. He had had to deal with a lot more crying than he was used to but it wasn’t anything he hadn’t expected after everything that had happened.

Jessie had of course taken up a lot of space in his head and he knew he had been a bit distracted from time to time, especially when he realized she had actually gotten inside the building. Both Tom and Jeffrey had kept their word and texted him about seeing her arrive and that she seemed fine.

He had a lot of mixed feelings when he finally saw her again though. He was halfway through his lunch when she came into the crowded room with Sean, both of them laughing about something. First he got relived of actually seeing her safe and sound. Next he got pissed that she was actually there in the first place when she should’ve stayed at the hotel. And he got so fucking jealous of seeing the two of them together again and especially when Sean was holding their daughter as well, that he knew he scowled at them as they finally found him. Jessie’s laughed quickly died and Sean slipped his arm away from her. He leaned in and whispered something to her without Jessie taking her eyes away from him. She nodded and gave Melodi a quick kiss before starting to move. He watched as Tim made to follow but she quickly turned to him and hissed something about going to the ‘fucking bathroom’ and the man stopped at once and apologized.

“You’re not hearing a thing I’m saying, are you, man?”

Jeffrey had been talking to him while they ate but since Jessie stepped into the room, he had totally blocked out his friend and it wasn’t until Jeffrey put a hand on his shoulder that he registered what he said again.

“What…? Sorry, dude. Excuse me, will ya?”

“Sure, Norm.”

He rushed after his wife and caught Tim’s eye on the way past him and the man followed. He caught up to her just as she must have heard him approach and she turned around and they collided hard and she cursed, but he simply grabbed her arm and opened the first door he could find and it happened to be a disability restroom. He shoved her inside and told Tim to keep everyone away before closing and locking the door behind them.

“Are we seriously going to do this again?”

She asked, her voice dripping with annoyance and probably even a bit exhausted. She turned around to look at him and she threw her arms up in a dejection.

“What did you do with Sean?”

He was surprised it was the question that actually came out but the irrational jealous that stormed through him made him blind to everything else at the moment. Jessie gaped at him and stopped moving. She blinked in absolute confusion and asked if he was kidding.

“What did you do with Sean?”

He asked again and stepped closer to her and she took a step back, actually looking a bit worried. Not scared, she had never been scared of him but the question really bothered her.

“Tim didn’t want me out on the floor, because it started to get too crowded and people were getting a little pushy so I asked him to take me to Sean. They’re easier to control at the tables with all the volunteers and security around.”

“So you went to him instead of me?!”

“What?! No! What fucking question is that? I knew Sean wouldn’t be as busy as you are so I figured it would be less crowded. And since when can’t I see Sean?!”

“Well the last time you “saw” him a lot more stuff went down!”

“At your suggestion! I didn’t invite him in.”

“You didn’t seem to mind!”

“Hold on… What the hell are you saying, Norman? Are you actually jealous of Sean? Where the fuck did this come from?!”

“Would you sleep with him if he made the move?”

“What?! Do you hear yourself right now? I suggest you think about what you’re saying, Mr. Reedus. Don’t say shit you can’t take back.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and stepped right up to him and her voice was cold as ice and furious. Before he could even draw a breath and retaliate however, she continued.

“But if you really need an answer to your fucked up question… No! And why the fuck do you think he would do that to you?! He’s your brother, he loves you, Norman! He’s part of our family for fuck’s sake! What happened last weekend was incredible but it would never have happened if you hadn’t made the suggestion and being ok with it. And if you’re going to take it out on us now, you’re a fucking piece of shit! You don’t get to change your mind once it’s done and be all pissed at me for doing as you wanted. As far as I remember, you enjoyed yourself pretty damn good too so stop being a fucking hypocrite. I visited Sean now because, besides you, he’s the one that makes me feel safe and I’m not going to apologize for it and I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you!”

Before she was done yelling, she had grabbed him by the arm and somehow he found himself being shoved out of the door and straight into Tim.

“What the fuck…?”

“I still gotta pee!”

She yelled at him and closed the door in his face. At the corner of his eye, he saw Tim somehow vanish. He kicked the door in frustration and cursed her to the deepest pits of hell and started pacing the hallway outside the restrooms. He knew she was right and he ran her words over and over in his head while he paced, until the anger subsided and all he felt was extreme remorse and guilt for even thinking they would cheat on him. She really could drive him to the extremes and his emotions were a damn rollercoaster where he went from furious and accusing to the opposite in the matter of 5 minutes of seeing her. A lot of their closest friends and family had compered them to a pair of hormonal teenagers and at that description really hit home.

When he came to his senses again and turned around, he found the door to the restroom open and she was stalking back towards the greenroom without even a second glance at him. And he sprinted to catch up with her but she was already back at the entrance when he caught her around the waist and she staggered in the middle of a step. Somehow he managed to trip himself and her with his right foot and he fall backwards onto the floor and pulled her with him. The carpeted floor was thankfully not that hard and he eased their fall a little with his shoulder. Both of them still gave a yelp of surprise and a lot of movement all around accrued.

She started laughing and half a heartbeat later, he fallowed too and once they got started they couldn’t stop and he could see both Tim and Stacey somewhere above them, just shake their heads and walk away. She turned around in his arms and removed his hat as it was almost half way off anyway.

“Let’s just say you planned this.”

“Of course, I did.”

He replayed and put his hands on her face before apologizing for being an ass but she just shook her head at him.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven.”

“Thank you… How about some PDA to make up for me being an ass?”

“What? Here? You’re getting bold, Mr. Reedus.”

“Yeah, well after you pretty much started fucking me in front of 10 million viewers on Youtube the other week, a kiss will be a very innocent thing, don’t you think?”

He said and planted a deep one on her. She ended it before it could get out of hand and he was thankful for it as there were a lot of people around, including reporters and fans. She gave a finally small giggle and kissed his nose.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

She said and jumped to her feet and offered him a hand to get up. Once he was back on his feet, she tugged a little on his hand and sneaked her arm around his waist.

“How has your morning been?”

“Good. It was a fine morning, not much happened. Got to do a lot of selfies though.”

“Not with Mel, right?”

“No, of course not but there’s going to be a lot of pictures out there after this weekend.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He said, sighing a little as he wrapped his arm around her and he headed straight for his abounded lunch. Sean and Melodi had joined in his lunch date with Jeffrey and his daughter was practically bouncing in her chair when she saw and heard him approach.

“Someone’s missed you.”

She said and let him go as he headed around the table and sat down right next to his daughter and kissed her. She didn’t seem to think it was enough though and let out a roar of anger as he pulled away and tried to get back to his lunch. And although they had made a rule about her sitting on her own chair while eating, he took her to his lap. Across the table, he saw Jessie sigh.

“Oh, come on! The rules don’t apply when we’re traveling.” 

“Fine. Just make sure she actually eats.”

Melodi grabbed his hair and rubbed her whole face against his and he missed the last of the words she tried to say but it sounded like something about ‘not just you’.

                                            ----------------------------------------

_I have an idea_

Jessie was left to fend for herself in the greenroom after lunch as everyone was heading back to their signings or photo ops and Melodi was not so keen on taking a nap. She had tried for 20 minutes in the stroller at first but quickly noticed that it wouldn’t work. So she was trying to get her daughter to actually pass out for being to active and they were on the floor practicing rolling and standing when an interesting text came from Alanna.

_Oh, I like! Tell me all about it_

_I wanna do a panel_

_Ok…?_

_With u_

_Here?_

_Duh!_

_Now?!_

_5.30. U and me on the main panel stage. Right after the cosplay’s done_

_Fuck yeah! Let’s do it! Norman’s going to freak_

_Isn’t it fun?_

_I fucking love you Alanna Masterson!_

_I know, I’m pretty fucking awesome. Don’t tell anyway though, let’s just scare the shit out of everyone!_

_This is going to be epic!_

_Best panel in the history of WSC!_

_And I’m going to be in so much trouble for this…_

_Well, u can always blame me_

_Good point ;)_

While they texted, Melodi had managed to roll around 3 or 4 times and was halfway under a table as Jessie called her name. The girl turned her head towards the voice and gave her mother a full blown daddy smile and she managed to capture it perfectly before Melodi went back to her practice.

_Hanging with daddy at the Walker Stalker Con Nashville this weekend. Come say hi_ _♥_

She posted the picture on Instagram before deciding to give it another go with trying to put the child to sleep. It was probably a little too much going on around her at the moment though and the child seemed wide awake and had no plans of going to sleep.

“Scoot is doing a panel at 1.30. I wanna head down there.”

She had counted on Tim to protest and ask her to just stay there but he simply put his phone away and got to his feet.

“Alright.”

So they headed down to the main floor once more and Jessie had Melodi security strapped in. The girl really did enjoy herself and all the people around her. There were so much to look at and people around her were very willing to returned her smiles. And Jessie took her time to pop in to say hi to most of the actors between panels, which was probably the highlight of their daughter’s day. As usual she took a liking to Austin and Tom and was responsible for stopping their liens for several minutes. Finally, she passed out at Katelyn’s panel when the younger actress started singing.

As 4 o’clock came and went, Jessie started plotting how the hell she was going to pull Alanna’s plan off with Tim hoovering over her. She couldn’t really come up with anything better than just to make a run for it but first she would’ve to make sure Melodi was taken care of. The baby girl was still asleep and thankfully remained that way as they made their way back to the greenroom and Jessie transported the baby to her stroller instead.

“I would like to pay a visit to my husband.”

“He’s doing photo ops right now.”

“I know.”

“A bit complicated bringing the stroller in there though.”

“You could stay here with her and I could ask one of the other-“

“Jessie…”

“Tim, come on.”

He looked at her with an intense gaze and she knew he was looking for the slightest sign of playing him. But she kept a straight face and pleaded again.

“I’ll take 2 of them. Please, Tim.”

“You’ll take 2 and one of them is Cookie.”

“What, no, wait…”

It was too late and Tim was already on the phone and had the man on the line within seconds and she realized there were no point in her arguing. 5 minutes later Cookie was there and escorted her back down with another just as beefy guy that quickly introduced himself as Spencer but didn’t seem to be the chatty kind.

_Are u good to go?_

Alanna texted her just as they arrived to the photo op area and a loud whooping began and she looked up in confusion and noticed that most of the lines were waving at her. She waved right back before turning back to her phone.

_Almost. Just heading to say hi to my man_

_I’ve talked to James, he’s wrapping up in like 10 and he’s all in on this_

_Awesome. Just let me gatecrash a few photo ops first and then I’ll make a run for it_

_Stay safe though_

_I’m fast, dude! See ya there_

_Awesome!_

Jessie pocketed her phone again and were shown behind the area, which meant she meet a lot of fans who had just finished their photo. She rounded the corner with Cookie ahead of her and she stopped in the exit and almost got run over by a couple. As Cookie made sure the line was stopped, he turned back to her and waved her inside. Norman who was mostly wondering what was going on jumped when she called out for him.

“Hey, baby.”

He spun around and faced the exit and beamed when he finally spotted her.

“Hi! What are you doing here?”

He met her halfway and they shared a tight embrace.

“I just wanted to say hi. Melodi’s with Tim, she’s asleep.”

“That’s why he took off all of a sudden.”

Norman nodded towards his personal security.

“Yeah, Tim wouldn’t let me go alone.”

“Hell no…! Hey, come here, let’s take a picture!”

He said and pulled her in front of the camera even before he had finished the complete sentence.

“What? No, wait. I don’t know how… What do you usually do?”

“I’m not the one who decides, baby.”

He turned his head towards the line of fans and pointed.

“They are.”

“Alright.”

Jessie turned to the line as well and tried to catch the first person in line behind Cookie. A woman in her own age, cosplaying as Carol, looked around the man and Jessie asked what she thought they should do.

“Kiss.”

The answer came from somewhere behind the woman though.

“Kissing is the biggest no, no when it comes to photo ops. Right?”

“No kissing!”

The answer to her question came from at least 3 different personal at the same time, making the whole booth burst out laughing.

“The Boondock Saints execution.”

“Oh, good one. You wanna come up and join us?”

The woman nodded and was being shown forward and after brief hugs they all got in position, the woman kneeling in front of them. Jessie grabbed her husband’s hand that wasn’t pretending to shoot a fan and just as the photographer started counting 1,2,3 she gave his hand a hard squeeze and they turned at once to each other and shared a quick kiss.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. Go ahead and take one without me too. I’m sure you want the chance to feel him up a little too. Just return him to us in one piece.”

If his hair could’ve blushed, it would have turned bright red when Jessie spoke. She received a shocked glare from her husband and all around them, people were giggling, but she just blew him a kiss and shouted an ‘I love you’ to him before exiting the area again. 

Unfortunately both men that had followed her there, were also following her when she left. She had hoped for some miner chaos when she had made them stop the line but it hadn’t happen and Cookie was right in front of her. As they reached the vendors area again, where most people gathered she had a stroke of inspiration.

“Stop. I just need to tie my shoe.”

She said and crouched down on the floor, pretending to tie her shoe. She could see Stacy looking straight ahead, probably looking for potation danger and the other man was looking everywhere but at her as well. And she made a break for it right there and there by rolling to the side and under the closest table that conveniently enough was covered in a black cloth that hid her. The man on the other side stared at her and was just about to open his mouth when she pressed her finger to her own and begged him to stay quiet. He swallowed whatever he was going to say and just then Jessie could hear Stacy curse loudly close by and ask out loud where the hell she had gone.

“The cost is clear.”

The man sitting on a chair tilted his head down to her and offered her his hand. She grabbed it and got to her feet.

“Thank you.”

“No problem… May I just ask…? Wait, you’re… You’re Norman Reedus wife, right?”

“Yes.”

She brushed herself off a little and when she stood again she noticed a couple of dozen hand painted portraits of several of the Walking Dead cast.

“Wow, these are gorgeous. You’re really good.”

She grabbed a print of Rick and took a closer look at it. The man took her hand however and at first she got really startled but he quickly moved out of the way.

“Move. They’re coming back.”    

He said and Jessie looked around and could see a security guard heading straight for her. She shouted a loud ‘thank you’ as she squeezed herself in between the two tables and started walking as quickly she could without drawing too much attention. As she approached the panel area she staggered to a halt and looked around, unsure of where she was going to go. The contest was just wrapping up and they were already starting to clear the stage. Then she spotted a familiar face and cried out.

“Charity!”

The woman turned at once as her name got called and Jessie rushed up to her, panting slightly. Quickly she took the woman by the arm and started explaining her plan at the same time as they started to move towards the side of the stage. She managed to see Alanna’s ponytail vanish up on stage as she rounded the corner and the cheers from the crowd on the other side got louder.

“Hey, guys…! Don’t mean to bother you or anything but if anyone wants stay, I had a crazy idea a few hours ago.”

“Just for the record, I had nothing to do with this.”

James said.

“Yeah, yeah it was all me. Anyway, you can go do whatever you need to do. We’ll be fine.”

“Alright. Just a friendly reminder though… Be kind!”

A confused murmur could be heard and Jessie felt herself getting nervous. But then Alanna spoke again.

“I have this friend. A good friend, one of my best actually. And she’s one of the most awesome people I’ve met and she happens to be a huge fan of this little show that I happen to be on called _The Walking Dead_ but she has never done a panel. I mean, her own panel and so I figured it was time for that. A bit of a warning though… This might turn out to be a bit… Well, let’s just go with viewer discretion is advice on this panel because we have a tendency of getting a bit carried away. And… Yeah, she just happens to be married to Norman Reedus. Jessie, come on out already.”

The cheers and applause from the crowd astonished her more than she had expected and she felt nervous all over again as she took a seat on one of the high chairs next to Alanna. She hugged her and gave her a mic.

“Hi everyone… Wow, I hadn’t expected this at all but I’m actually kinda nervous.”

“You’ll be fine. How crazy is this?”

“This is insane. You’re insane and I’m blaming it all on you.”

“When I texted you a few hours ago you were worried about Norman.”

“He’s going to murder me.”

“Why?”

“Well, you know that beautiful little speech Daryl made to Richard back in season 7 about Carol getting a scratch or a fewer and shit…? Add that 10 times over to Norman in real life and that’s how overprotected he is when it comes to his loved once.”

“So what made you tag along on this crazy idea that I had?”

“Cause it’s fun to piss him off! I’ve never made life easy for myself so why the hell start now? I rolled under a fucking table and hid from two security guys to get here.”

“Wait…! You had to sneak away from security to get here?”

“I didn’t have to but if I had asked I would’ve gotten tied to a chair and locked in a room somewhere far away.”

“Guessing the rest of your evening won’t be that nice then, huh?”

“Yeah, well… I usually find some way to get him to be less pissed. And since Melodi was born I can use her to change his mind.”

“Yeah, I do that too. Where is she by the way?”

“She’s with Tim. I finally got her to fall asleep.”

“It’s her first convention, I’m sure she was too excited.”

“She really was. She loves people so this is a lot of fun for her.”

“What about you? Are you having fun?”

“Hell yeah! I love these things, I always have. It’s something about bring 20 000 crazy people together under one roof just because of a TV show. It’s pretty amazing and I’m so… freaking thankful for being part of it.”

“How did you first get into this? I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about that before.”

“We were in L.A. for pilot season, staying at some hotel and Norman just spent his days going through scrips and talking to agents and doing auditions. And I found The Walking Dead one day and just got right into it. I hadn’t read the comic at the time so I didn’t know much about it but it sounded really great and different from everything else that was developing back then… And the rest is history.”

“And you’ve been on set from the beginning, right? Even way back at season 1.”

“Yeah, pretty much. I mean haven’t been there every single day but through most of the 7 seasons Norman has done, I’ve been there.”

“Doing what exactly?”

“Just helping him keeping track of everything I guess. Making sure he is where he’s supposed to be at the right time. I got to know him before Daryl Dixon and we were close even before this happened. Looking back at it now I know I relayed on him and I needed him in my life just as much as he needed me. It’s kinda hard to explain, I’ve never been able to make much sense of it all.”

“Love isn’t suppose to make sense.”

“I guess not.”

“What’s the best thing about him?”

“Wow, you’re going deep already?”

“Hell yeah I am. And I’m thinking if you actually say some great things about him, he won’t be that pissed.”

“Nice try…The absolute best thing about Norman is that he makes me feel safe. Every second of every day he makes me feel safe and he has from the first time we met.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. I can’t really explain it. I’ve never been able to explain it really and I still can’t tell you how. He just does. And we have fun together. I mean, there have been a lot of just hilarious moments through the years.”

“Tell us, tell us, tell us!”

“There’s so much to choose from. Most recently we went to the aquarium back in Atlanta and swam with whale sharks and thousands of other fish and the best part of the whole thing was that we spent the night there.”

“At the aquarium?”

“Yup. Slept in sleeping bags right in front of the grand tank. It was the greatest date we’ve ever done and he got smothered by a beluga when he tried to feed her. I mean the whale literally tried to pull him down along with the bucket of fish.”

“He always makes friends, doesn’t he?”

“Always. In the weirdest of places. Does anyone have a question for me or Alanna? Cause it’s really for you that we’re here. There’s still some mics up, right?”

Jessie shielded her eyes with one hand and looked out over the seated crowd. She spotted two mics and people were indeed lining up behind them to get a chance to ask a question. This was the part that almost made her break out in a sweat. She never could predict what kind of questions the fans would throw at her. And she couldn’t really trust her self to keep her mouth shut if the wrong kind of questions came.

“Hi. My name’s Sandra and I’m from Chicago.”

“Hi.”

She and Alanna said together and waved a little towards the teenager.

“How and when did the two of you meet for the first time?”

“Ohhh, good question. I met her and Norman on my first day on set. Most actors just came to say hello and welcome us on our first day. If I remember correctly though, Norman introduced you as his best friend and roomie at the time.”

“Yeah, it was always easier that way. And we were friends. He’s my best friend, he was long before we moved on to being lovers or whatever the hell we were. Thank you for your question, Sandra.”

Next they turned to the other mic and Jessie got choked up when a young black woman stepped up and asked her question with tears streaming down her face.

“I-I-I…I-I just want to… I love you both and, Jessie… I just…”

She took a deep breath and dried her tears the best she could.

“How are you doing?”

Jessie got up from her seat without thinking and just stepped down from the stage and straight up to the young woman and hugged her. She threw her arms around her and hugged back hard, while sobbing. And it made the tears in Jessie’s eyes finally spill over too. She wasn’t really sure why she was crying but she had always had trouble keeping her emotions in check when it came to fan reactions like this.

“I’m ok.”

She finally found her voice again and spoke softly close to the woman’s ear so that she could actually hear her through the sounds all around them. She felt another hand on her shoulder and as she glanced up and around, Tim was standing behind her with a wild look in his eye. Gently but firmly she reached out and took his hand away and she heard the man groan but he actually took a step back. The young woman’s sobs finally eased up and her tight grip loosened. Jessie grabbed her by the shoulder and looked straight into the brown eyes and made sure she saw her before she spoke again.

“I’m really ok… Thank you.”

She gave her another hug before turning back to the stage, Tim breathing down her neck and he stopped right in front of the stage and Jessie realized she wouldn’t be allowed off the stage again. She grabbed the mic on her chair and wiped her wet eyes and took a deep breath but she couldn’t sit down at the moment but remind on her feet.

“I’m gonna start rambling so I apologize in advance but I need to say this right now... Thank you. I really mean it, thank you to all of you who has shown their support in any way towards Norman and me. It’s been, it still is, a struggle and… And I know I’ve pissed a lot of you off and you think that I’m to blame for Daryl being killed but… I don’t write the story. I have nothing to do with that and I’ve no influence what so ever over AMC and their decisions. I was just as heart broke as everyone else when it happened but we all have had a lot more time to deal with it and process the whole thing.”

She gestured towards Alanna who nodded.

“Yeah. We filmed this back in the end of October and we all found out about it ahead of time and everyone was… Devastated when found out about it. I know we’ve all said this at some point but it’s really true. We’re a family. Norman’s one of my closest friends and it truly sucked… fucking ass when we found out he was being killed off the show. But Norman never asked for it and neither would she, that’s just not how it works.”

“No, I never would ask him to quit… And I know it got even worse when the episode aired and things were… Fucked up. I was fucked up and the day… I didn’t remember this when it actually happened but the day the 7:15 aired was the same day Norman kicked me out of house and told me he had had enough. I know it probably won’t matter to y’all now but I hope it will help you understand why he couldn’t give any comments and interviews and whatnot.”

She had begun pacing slowly up and down the stage while talking and she stopped at the one side of the stage and looked out over the quiet crowd.

“Melodi was barley 4-month-old at the time and he… And I was in no fit state of carrying for her on my own and he… Fuck, this is getting so damn hard to talk about all of sudden… He’s a father first. No exceptions and I’m sorry, but not even Daryl Dixon comes before being a father. It never has. Mingus was the best thing he ever did and now Melodi and… I’m not going to apologize for being mentally ill because it’s something I will always have to live with. Today I’m doing much better, thank you for asking, I really appreciate it. But I wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for Norman Reedus and yes, me trying to kill myself kept him off the grid for 2 months but our family, our kids, always has and always will be his first priority.”

“Too bad it isn’t yours!”

The shouting words came from far away and thankfully she couldn’t see who it was but Alanna reacted a lot fast than her and jumped to her feet with an angry hiss.

“What fucking comment is that!?!”

Her friend came to stand beside her and Jessie put her hand on her shoulder and surprised herself and Alanna by staying so calm.

“I’m going to tell you a little story… Is there anyone in here who has kids?”

She asked and a spread set of agreeing words came out.

“Is there anyone in here who has a mom and dad? And a sister? Basically a family member of some sort that you love…? Yeah, I hope you all do. Now imagine that person getting on a plane to come visit you at the other side of the country and you’re all very exciting and can’t wait to spend some quality time together. And imagine not just one person being on that plane but everyone, every single person, of those in your closest family, being on said plane. Fun, right? They’re all going to see you in about 8 hours. And you haven’t been able to sleep because of the damn time difference so you’re at the airport hours before you know they’re going to land because you want to hold your little baby boy in your arms again, even though you’ve only been away from him for 3 days. Imagine hearing their words _“I’m sorry, Miss Hamilton but there’s been a terrorist attack in New York.”_ And try to wrap your head around what this fucking guy is saying to you next when he tries to explain that the flight your entire family was on will not be landing at LAX because it crashed straight into World Trade Center and the only thing that remains of your family is a pile of dust. Once that fact starts to sink in you realize you’re still alive and that it’s the worst punishment because you’ve to live with it for the rest of your life. You have to life with the fact that everyone you ever loved got erased from the face of the earth… If you can imagine all that and still not get it into your head why I’ve tried to kill myself twice, I’m sorry, but then you’re not a human being from the same planet the rest of us are from… I left my daughter and Norman because it was the best thing for them. Melodi have been my first priority from the time she was born but sometimes the best thing you can do for your own child is to leave and try to fix yourself somewhere far away from her and that’s what I did.”

“Fuck, J… I’m sorry. I’ve to go call Marlowe right now.”

Alanna eyes were filled with tears as Jessie turned towards her. She tried to get an apology out but Alanna walked away before she could.

“Sorry about that. Maybe we could have some uplifting question after that…? This was supposed to be a fun panel, not make everyone cry, I’m sorry.”

“Who’s idea was it to dress you up like a walker and attack Daryl?”

The question came from a guy in the front row.

“Thank you…! Yes, that was fun! It was Andy and I who came up with that little prank. We coordinated it although Andy tried to take all the credit. And of course the master of everything zombie related, Greg and his team, helped too. It was really creepy to see myself as dead and Norman was really freaked out about it. It was a nice little break from all the heavy shit that was going on that day.”

“What was Norman and your reaction to finding out Daryl was going to die?”

“Andy actually called me, I didn’t find out about it through Norman. Andy called me late one night and I just knew something had happened. Andy doesn’t call me unless he has something important to tell me or if he wants to yell at me for something. And Norman hadn’t gotten back from set yet and it was like almost midnight so I just got this feeling. Andy couldn’t say it, he was all choked up and crying and… It was just a complete meltdown and I sat on the kitchen floor back home in Georgia with Andy on the phone and we just balled like 15 minutes. And he finally managed to tell me Norman had left set and was at the restaurant. He was… Drinking away his sorrows when I got there, hadn’t really gotten that far but still… He was… He was like a little kid, just in completely distress and confused and not knowing what to do with himself. So we just sat there, again on the floor and I held him and he cried and I cried and it was just… Chaos. We always knew it was going to happen at some point but when it finally did, we weren’t ready for it. But finally he made a joke, or maybe it was me, I don’t remember, but we were going to burn the place down. You know, he always said, that when they day came that was going to be killed of the show, that he would burn down the set and they would’ve to call the cops to get him out of there. And the very last day of filming he actually got to that. He made this big pile of old scripts, cloths, props and we burned it down. It was something very cleansing about it all, to see it go up in flames.

She heard movement to the side of the stage and Alanna came back out, drying her eyes at the sleeve of her shirt.

“Sorry about that.”

She said, taking a calming breath and sat down again.

“I really just needed to see my daughter’s face after that… What’s the topic of discussion?”

“Ah, nothing too heavy, just killing of Daryl.”

“What the hell…? This was going to be a fun panel but this is some heavy shit, J.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“How about you tell us all a story about how you and/or Norman embaressed yourselves?”

“Come on…!”

Jessie complained and turned back around to Alanna and took her seat again.

“That’s not fair.”

“They’ve already heard all my stories from previous panels and interviews. Now it’s your turn.”

“Alright… When it comes to Norman I’ve a million of them cause he’s a real idiot from time to time. I mean it was just about 4 hours ago that he somehow managed to trip us both up and we ended up on the damn floor.”

“What? Where?”

“When we were having lunch. I got back from the restroom and he ran up behind me and got his foot stuck between my legs somehow and he fall backwards, pulling me down as well. I’m sure there’ll be picture of it tomorrow. He’s not that coordinated.”

“I heard a story about the two of you and Mingus.”

“Are you really going to make me share that story?”

“Jessie, you pretty much had sex on a live Youtube stream not too long ago.”

“We did not!”

“Did too! You fucking said the words yourself!”

“Fine, fine, fine… Ok. About pretty much a year ago we were back home, Norman had jus started shooting season 7 and we were just getting into the whole routine again. And he got back home early one afternoon and we… Well, we ended up having sex on the couch in the living room and it’s an open floorplan so it’s kinda hard to hide if you know what I mean? And we were like literally 2 seconds after being done and the front door opens and Mingus walks through the front door, comes around the corner to the living room and… Well, I don’ think I’ve to tell you what he saw.”

Laughter broke out in the hall and both Jessie and Alanna giggled too.

“What was his reaction?”

“He just laughed. He’s use to it. I mean, not like that but we have always been very open about it. He’s mother’s European, they’re a lot more laid back when it comes to sex and for as long as I’ve known them, it’s never been something they have shielded the kid from, which it shouldn’t. Norman of course thought it was the worst thing ever and it was very embarrassing. For all three of us. But 8 months later Mingus finally got a baby sister so something good came out of that extremely uncomfortable situation.”

“I know you said you wanted to keep the birth of Melodi to yourself but I gotta ask one question. How scared were Norman, really when you went into labor?”

“Pissing-his-pants-scared. But he really was my absolute number one reason I made it through as good as I did. He really is my rock. He’s the best…”

She got lost in thought for a moment and she felt a silly little smile fill her face as she thought about him. Thankfully she was allowed to wander off a little as the next question from the crowd was directed to Alanna. Her phone vibrated in her back pocket and she reached for it and found a text from her husband.

_I’LL_

_MURDER_

_YOU_

_SLOWLY_

_!!!_

She chuckled to herself and turned her back to the audience and snapped a selfie with the crowd behind her.

_I’m perfectly fine… See?_

“What do you geek out on, Jessie?”

She looked up from her phone and searched from left to right until she found a young teenage girl behind the mic.

“It goes in periods really. The very first thing I geeked out on and got totally obsessed about was the Lord of the Rings. The books, not the movies. I fell in love with Tolkien from the first page I read and it’s been an obsession every since. When I first met Norman and he got me into riding bikes, I geeked out on all that stuff.”

“What’s your latest obsession?”

“Right now it’s Harry Potter. I’m reading the first book to Melodi every night before she goes to sleep and it’s the same thing as when I first read Tolkien, I just got right into it and I can’t really stop.”

“What about a person? Did you ever freak out meeting someone famous?”

Alanna asked.

“Yes! God, yes!”

“Who?”    

“Obama.”

“I think we all geeked out that day.”

“Yeah… And I saw Sean Astin, who plays Sam in the Lord of the Ring movies at an award show a while back and totally freaked out. I mean, we weren’t even close, he was just there and I saw him and I totally lost it. And I loved him in _Stranger Things_ too… I mean, there’s a reason Melodi’s middle name is Sam.”

“After Samwise Gamgi, right?”

“Yes. Norman is and always has been the Sam to my Frodo.”

“Were there ever a discussion about naming the baby Daryl?”

“The name came up, yes but once the baby turned out to be a girl it didn’t really seem to fit anymore.”

“Hi, I’m John from L.A and I’m wondering if there will be a second season of Ride?”

“Yes there is. The production for all 6 episodes are done and right now we’re trying to piece together the post production with everything that goes with that. So, yes the season 2 of Ride is going as planned.”

“Any behind of the scenes secrets you can share?”

“Not that much I’m afraid, seeing as I wasn’t able to tag along this season like the first. But it’s going to be a fucking awesome season, I think probably better than the first one and so many cool guests. We’re very excited and grateful to you, the fans, who watched the first season and loved it just as much as I know Norman loved making it.”

“What do you ride right now?”

“I’ve a Tiger 800 XRx. And I’ve a Suzuki GSX-S1000 but that one is more suited for the streets of New York than the backroads of Georgia.”

“What the craziest ride you have ever done?”

“Craziest…? Norman and I ended up in a hurricane somewhere down in Texas a few years ago. We barley made it to this tinny little motel in the middle of fucking nowhere and we got locked up there for 3 days before we could get out of there. It was the most insane ride we’ve done and I think we were lucky to actually make it out alive.”

“What did you do for 3 days being locked up together?”

Alanna asked and winked in her direction and Jessie sighed, rolling her eyes to the sky as she was fully aware of what Alanna was trying to apply.

“Yeah, you know, playing chess and reading and…Next question!”

“Hi! I’m Ashly and I’m from here. Does your daughter dance yet?”

Jessie’s whole face light up in a huge smile as the little girl’s question came. She could barley be 8 years old.

“Hi, sweetie. Well, yeah sort of. She’s still too small but she really likes to move and when I hold her in my lap, she’s like a crazy little monkey and jumps all over the place.”

“Will she be a dancer like you?”

“Oh, I hope so but she can become whatever she wants when she grows up. Just like you can. What do you want to do when you grow up?”

“I’m going to be the First Lady!”

“No, you’ll be president!”

“But there hasn’t ever been a girl president.”

“Yet…! It’s a small little word but yet is the best word ever. My mom taught me to always add that little word to thing I couldn’t do. Like the first time I tried to do a perfect pirouette when I was like 4 and I said: I can’t! And for the first time I ever said that, my mom would always say, you can’t _yet._ One day you will do it. And although you can’t actually run for president _yet_ , when the day comes I’ll vote for you, Ashly. And I hope to God you will be the successor of many, many girl presidents because it’s about damn time!”

“Travis from L.A… I just gotta say, you two make the hottest looking panel in the history of Walker Stalker.”

“Thank you Travis from L.A. What’s your question?”

Jessie asked.

“What song would be your anthem if you could choose any song?”

“Ohhh… Just my own anthem, my very own?”

“Yes and just for a bonus, what would the anthem be for you and Mr. Reedus?”

“That’s a hard one. It would’ve to be a Broadway song and my favorite musical is _The Phantom of the Opera_ so probably something from there. I know it’s probably not that cheerful but _Wishing you were somehow here again_ has meant a lot to me after my family died. And to answer the second part of your question… After I meet Norman my anthem probably changed once every year.”

“What would you say it’s right now then? Where you’re right now?”

Alanna asked.

“Well, if you ask Norman right now he would probably go with something with _hate_ in the title or-Oh, I know! _Crazy_ by Aerosmith because I drive him up the wall and he’s going to be so insanely pissed at me for this.”

“Cause you’re crazy!”

“I am! This was an insane idea but I’m so fucking happy I got to do this. You guys are really awesome!”  


	28. laughing and fucking

Almost all of his colleagues were gone as he, Sean and David finished up the last of the photo ops. David had to leave as soon as they were done but had promised that he would take some time to catch up in the morning. Sean had tried to talk some sense into him when they received the news that Jessie had made a run for it and Cookie had lost her in the crowd. The text had been short with just the words _Jessie’s gone_ but it had stopped his heart and he walked out on the ongoing photo ops, not really sure what he was going to do, just that he had to find her. He never got far though as Tim had called him and shouted something about talking to James and that she was doing a panel with Alanna. He was back at the photo ops first when Tim had sent him actual proof of where she was and that she was ok.

He wasn’t so sure she would stay that way though, when he was done with her. He headed straight for the greenroom once he was done and all the way he could hear Sean’s reassuring words but it didn’t have any effect at all. He was fuming inside and just wanted to get his hands around her throat and strangle her slowly for risking her safety like this. There were only 3 people in the green room that he recognized though and neither of them were Jessie. His daughter was being entertained by Austin while Cookie paced a little way away from the duo on the sofa.

“What the fuck happened?!”

He hissed the words through clenched teeth as he got close enough to the security guard. He simply shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m sorry, man. I don’t know, she… She and Alanna planned the whole damn thing and she just… She left Melodi with Tim and… She just stopped to tie her fucking shoes in the middle of all the vendors and next thing she was gone.”

“Tie her shoe? She never ties her shoes…!”

“I know…! I should’ve known, man I know but she was so damn quick and there were so many people and when I finally found her, she was already on that stage.”   

“Where’s she now?”

“Tim took her back to the hotel.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. They got in a car 5 minutes ago. And there’s one waiting for y’all.”

He gestured to the men behind him and Norman caught Austin getting up from the sofa with Melodi. The girl started to cry out for him the second she heard him and for the first time since the day she was born, he was reluctant to take her when Austin held her out towards him. He swallowed back the anger and took the wiggling girl.

“Come on, man, Jessie’s alright.”

“She won’t be. I’ll fucking choke her!”

“Norman…”

Sean tried too but he simply glared at both of them and turned and started stalking towards the exit after picking up Melodi’s bag, leaving the stroller for Sean. Melodi got really mad at him when she didn’t receive the same level of snuggling as usual and finally when they reached the car and he strapped her into the car seat, she was not cooperation at all. She tried to break free and cried angrily the whole ride. He had never seen her this mad before but then again, he had never been mad enough to ignore her like this either.

“What?!”

Norman snapped at Sean when the later started laughing at him as they parked at the hotel.

“It’s just vert fascinating to see that after all these years, she’s still able to bring out the worst in you simply by doing what made you fall in love with her in the first place.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

He hissed and threw open the door, knocking Cookie right in the guts. Sean reached out for the angry child and unbuckled her and took her with him.

“You knew what you were getting yourself into, Norman. This is what she does and you should know better by now.”

He said and looked at him through the car before leaving it and walked around to his side of the vehicle. Austin was long gong and just a little bit of guilt penetrated his mind for the way he was treating his friends at the moment.

“She promised…!”

“She promised that she wouldn’t do anything stupid that would put herself in danger, right…? Only thing is, that her vision of danger isn’t the same as yours. She probably thinks she kept her promise, it’s just your definition of danger that isn’t the same as hers.”

“So, you’re taking her side now?! Great! Thanks a lot, man!”

His temper was getting way out of control by this point and he didn’t even bother to try to hear what Sean was saying to him as he stomped away towards the elevator. Melodi’s angry cries echoed in the parking garage but he tuned it all out and walked straight into the lift and pushed the number 10 bottom.

“Nor-“

“Don’t!”

He cut of Cookie quickly as the man started to speak and he was wise enough not to keep going, leaving the lift completely silent.

“Jessie!”

The door almost swung back right in his face as he threw it open and he cursed and kicked it shut and dumped his jacket and backpack on the floor. As he yelled out her name a second time, he got a response from the bathroom.

“I’m in here.”

How she could sound so calm and without a care in the world when she knew she would get murdered, he had no idea and little did he car. He felt like he could spit fire as he finally laid his eyes on her as he opened the bathroom door. She was standing in the bathtub, just finished a shower it looked like, as her body was still dropping of water and she was squeezed the water out of her hair. She stepped out of the tub and reached for a towel and he realized he had lost every ounce of free will again. She wrapped the towel around her hair and walked over to the double basin without cover up her naked body.

Then a smug smirked escaped her lips and he managed to get his brain working again and he watched at she realized this as well and the smile quickly vanished and she took a breath to speak.

“I had just started to trust you again. I had just started to think that maybe you could finally keep a promise. I really had started to believe you respected my wishes but I guess I should be use to this by now. I should’ve known better than to trust you. I don’t ask much, Jessie and I let you get away with a lot of shit but when you do-What you did today, endanger yourself like this… There’s nothing you can say right now that will justify this. And I fucking know you don’t think it’s dangerous and that you’re fine but what if you hadn’t been?! I asked you not to do this! I fucking asked you, Jessie because I can’t deal with it! My heart fucking stopped and I don’t function right! Even if you don’t respect yourself enough that you want to stay alive, at least respect me and our daughter! Because I can’t lose you, Jessie. And I don’t give a fuck if you’re fine now! The day will come when you won’t be if you keep doing this. There’s a lot of psychos out there. Did you forget about all the death threats all of a sudden?! Or do you just don’t care? Did you forget about the fact that I won’t lose you?! I know you made peace with death a long time ago but if you really want to find it this quickly by doing shit like this… You know I’ll follow you, Jessie. You know this! And if you thought having Melodi changed that, you’re wrong. I’m sorry, but it’s true. I won’t stay in a world without you so I’m fucking beg-No, I’m telling you! Don’t do this to me, Jessie! Don’t run away from the people who are there to keep you safe when I can’t.”

She didn’t move a muscle, just stood there and looked at him through the mirror and when he was finally catching his breath, she turned around to face him. She stared to say something but he suddenly realized he wasn’t done yet.

“Do you think I do this because I enjoy it? Do you think I like having this argument with you every fucking time we do stuff like this? You staying safe is the only damn thing that I care about, Jessie!”

“Ok, so I won’t come with you-“

“That’s not what I’m saying! I want you to come with me. I want you to be able to do this with me but when you do shit like this… I can’t deal with it, J! You’re going to give me a fucking heart attack, woman! Just…Please, don’t be… Don’t be the crazy you when we do conventions, ok? Just be the nice, charming Jessie that loves to chat with the fans and give’em love and support and hugs. Do you think you could handle that? Please.”

He counted more than 10 heartbeats of them just staring at each other, until she finally smiled and nodded at him.

“Yeah. I think I can do that.”

He let out a deep breath of relief

“Ok, good.”

“That’s it? Are you done?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that was a lot easier than I had expected.”

“You’ll get a whole lot worse if you break that promise again.”

“I won’t. I’m sorry I broke my promise but your definition of danger isn’t really the same as mine so I wasn’t really breaking my promise.”

“Yes, you were!”

He started to undress himself for a much-needed shower and she turned back to the mirror and her make-up.

“Besides my prison break, did you have a good afternoon?”

“Yeah I did. Got some really awesome gifts for Mel.”

He threw his shirt straight at her head.

“Hey…! Where’s she by the way?”

She removed the shirt and dumped it on the floor.

“Sean took her. I was really mean to her.”

“You mean him?”

“No, to Melodi. I was really mean to her. She wanted to snuggle but I couldn’t, I was too pissed at you.”

He stepped out of his jeans and dropped his underwear to the floor, leaving him completely nude and he saw her stop doing what she was doing. She even gave a small moan and bit her lower lip.

“She’ll forgive you.”

“I know, I just feel really bad.”

“Blame me.”

“Oh, I do! Trust me, this is all your fault.”

“I’m blaming Alanna. She was the one who came up with this.”

“Yeah, cause I’m sure you were really heard to convince.”

He said, irony in every letter and turned on the shower and stepped in under the already hot water at once.

“Maybe not.”

She admitted and giggled softly. He turned his face up to the steady stream of water and breathed deeply, allowing the water to wash away the anger.

“I don’t want to die.”

She was suddenly right there and he felt her hand on his hips and her lips at his exposed neck.

“It seems like you do.”

“I’m sorry.”

He wrapped his arms around her and pushed her hard against his chest and started crying out of relief of being able to hold her. He felt her confusion as he kept holding on to her but she hugged him right back.

“Did I really scare you that much?”

She finally asked and freed herself from his embrace and looked up at him. He sobbed and nodded before kissing her lips.

“When’re you going to get into your head? I love you more than life itself and I need to keep you safe and you’re doing that job a whole shitload harder than it has to be.”

He grabbed her face in both hands and she gasped, gripping his wrists. The playful little smile that he knew too well made him smirk right back at her. She bit her lip and the fake worry on her face would fool everyone but him.

“Are you going to punish me now?”

She asked and gasped as he restricting her air supply by moving his hands to her throat. Slowly he nodded and hissed at her.

“Yes!”

He moved her around, still with his hands around her throat and pushed her up against the wall and put maybe just a little too much force behind it. She did indeed wince as her head hit the tiles but it was forgotten in the next second as he realized her, spun her around and forced her to brace herself against the wall. He entwined her hair in one hand and tugged hard to make her arch her back and he pushed right into her with no mercy. And she was already wet and ready for him and he throught about making it last for about half a second. Than he remembered he needed to actually punish her and he slammed hard into her, forcing himself all the way and she cried out and her fists balled up tightly.

                                            ----------------------------------

Sean managed to calm down the upset baby first when he stepped into the bathroom and started to fill up the tub. The running water did the trick and she quiet down at once where she lay in the middle of the floor while he tried to find the right temperature. He breathed out a sigh of relief of finally find something that would calm her.

“Yeah, a bath usually worked on my kids too.”

He said, mostly to himself and checked the water again. Suddenly he felt a wet hand on his foot and he jumped a little. Melodi had somehow managed to move the 5 feet between herself and him and she grabbed his foot to get his attention.

“Wow, you’re really moving.”

He said, impressed and reached down to pull her up to her feet. She held on to his leg and he put a secure arm around her just in case while the tub filled up a little bit more.

“I’m sorry your mom’s such a freak… Well, not really but I’m sorry she does things that goes out hand. At least if you ask your dad. But then he’s always been overprotected over her. You’re not going to have it easy, growing up, girl. I tell ya right now.”

He undressed her standing and he found it fascinating how she seemed to hang on to every word he said. She kept looking at him the whole time with those intense green eyes and it was like she wanted to say something back. Sounds came out and a lot of them but the moment he placed her sitting in the tub she started to shrike in laughter and splash both of them with water.

_Are u alive?_

He texted Jessie after making sure Melodi was happy sitting on the floor, ripping through a box of tissues.

_Kinda_

_What does that mean?_

_Nothing… How’s my princess?_

_Happy and calm at last. I gave her a bath. I’m gonna smack that asshole husband of yours when I see him again_

_Don’t. It was my fault_

_I know that. YOU ARE CRAZY!_

_That’s why u love me <3 _

_Not right now it isn’t_

_Fine… Do you wanna join us for dinner? We’re meeting Alanna and her family at one of the restaurants downstairs_

_Gotta eat anyway, right?_

_Fuck u, Sean don’t u be pissed at me 2!_

_I AM! U knew this would happen! U knew he would react like this and still u do it anyway! U’re a shitty wife sometimes J!_

_Wow…!_

_Someone has to tell u!_

_Don’t worry, Norman already has_

_Good! Whatever he said and did, u deserved it this time around!_

_I know I did_

_Get ur ass over her ASAP and bring some cloths and diapers for ur daughter, cause Normski took the bag_

_He’s coming over_

_What are u doing?_

_Getting ready. Again_

_Again?_

_Got distracted the first time around ;)_

_Don’t wanna know_

_I ain’t telling anyway. See ya soon!_

Not even 2 minutes later, there were a knock on the door and Sean jumped to his feet and got a loud protest from Melodi at once for being left alone.

“Chill, girl. I’ll be right back.”

He said and hurried to open the door and didn’t even bother to greet his friend but returned straight for Melodi on the floor and she gave him a radiant smile.

“What? Are you ignoring me?”

Norman walked into the room and dumped a bunch for baby cloths on the bed before kneeling on the floor as well and tried to catch Melodi’s attention. She was given him the could shoulder though.

“Yes, we’re not forgiven yet.”

“We? Why are _you_ mad at me?”

“Well, it’s just something you’re going to have to leave with from now on. I’ll take her side every single time.”

Sean answered and nodded towards the little girl who was trying really hard to climb onto his lap and stand. After failing twice and starting to get really frustrated, Sean grabbed her hands and helped her.

“Melodi…”

Norman moved closer and spoke her name softly.

“I love you, baby girl.”

She gave in when he got even closer and sneaked a kiss on her neck and she got a hold of his hair and she threw herself at him.

“Good thing she’s not as stubborn as her mother. At least not yet.”

Sean chuckled as Norman hugged the still naked girl hard and she started laughing and snuggled close to him at once.

“Damn, man don’t remind me.”

“She’s still alive, right? Jessie?”

“Barley.”

“Alright… I’m gonna jump in the shower real quick. Didn’t get the chance to do that-“

“I’m sorry, Sean. I know I was a complete ass and… I’m sorry I just left her with you.”

“It’s fine. Yeah, you were an ass but it’s fine. I get it, I got scared too.”

He got to his feet and put his hand on his friend’s shoulder for a second before walking off to the bathroom after collecting a new set of cloths. He stopped however in the doorway when something suddenly sprang to mind and he turned back to look at Norman.

“Hey… Would it make you less worried if I’d teach her some self-defense? I mean, proper self-defense.”

Norman looked at him for a moment before giving a slow nod.

“Yes… Well, not really but maybe a little, yes.”

“Ok, good. I’ll do that then.”

                                            --------------------------------------

She couldn’t go back to sleep after waking up at 2 o’clock in the morning with a dance stuck in her head. Melodi and Norman were sound asleep next to her and even though she tried really hard, she couldn’t bring herself to relax. Finally she gave up and left the bed and after making sure her side of the bed was barricaded with pillows so Melodi wouldn’t fall down, she quietly left the room in only PJ shorts and tank top.

“Mrs. Reedus, what can I do for you?”

The tired looking but yet friendly female receptionist greeted her in the completely deserted lobby.   

“Do you’ve somewhere I can dance?”

She looked puzzled.

“Sorry?”

“I can’t sleep. I’ve got this dance stuck in my head and I need to get it out. I just need an open floorspace somewhere.”

“There’s a meeting room you can use. The big one, the theater isn’t being used at the moment and should be empty.”

“Any chance I can use it for like an hour?”

“Of course. Follow me.”

“Thank you.”

Moment later she walked through the doors into the hotel ballroom and was greeted with enough open space to allow at least 300 more dancers to join her on the floor. But tonight she was alone and she thanked the receptions again before making sure she was left alone. The doors closed shut behind her and Jessie walked to the stage at the back of the room and placed both her phone and a Bluetooth speaker on it.

_Just gonna stand there_ __  
And watch me burn  
But that's alright  
Because I like  
The way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there  
And hear me cry  
But that's alright  
Because I love  
The way you lie  
I love the way you lie

She had danced to this song so many times before that she knew every single word to the song by heart but for some reason she couldn’t get the new choreography out of her head and she set to work at once.

For some reason her phone kept buzzing with incoming texts while she worked and after half an hour her curiosity took over.

_You’re an incredible woman and I’m so happy to have you in our family and that Melodi will grow up with an incredible role model_ _♥_

She felt a lump of tears build up in her throat as she read the text from Norman’s sister. Next one came from Maya.

_I fucking love u J!_

She started to get a little confused why she received this kind of love all of a sudden. She was glad she did but it was weird. The answer came when the next text came from Melissa and an article from Entertainment Weekly.

_You’re an inspiration and although I know Norman thinks this was insane, you were right. The world needs more people like you_ _♥_ _Read this!_

_Jessie Reedus shows support for a female president in powerful speech at the Walker Stalker Con in Nashville._

The article was summed up her and Alanna’s panel and she read it through and felt a bit overwhelmed by the things she had said. At the time it hadn’t seemed like a big deal and she had just said what she was on her mind. To read it on print and see words like _inspiration_ and _role model_ in one of the biggest magazines in the country was a little more than she had bargained on. After a quick look on social media she found that the speech about losing her family and encourage a little girl to run for president, topped all social media she looked at. She turned to Instagram and started a live video with Eminem still rapping in the background.

“It’s 2.45 in the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. Hopefully there’s not many of you awake though. I had this chorography stuck in my head and I had to get it out so here I am. And I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who came out to Nashville today and I’ll see you again tomorrow. Probably in chains, locked to Norman’s table but I’ll be there… I’ve had 2 songs playing in my head today and this is one of them. I got a question about if we had an anthem and through the years this song has stuck with me as one of them. _You ever love somebody so much, you can barley breath? When you’re with them, you meet, and neither one of you even know what hit’em._ It’s our journey in a nutshell really. I lie to him _. Lied_ to him a lot before things changed. Didn’t keep my promises. Now I do. Most of the time anyway. A little white lie hasn’t killed anyone, right? And today was fun, well, yesterday. Alanna and I had a lot of fun. And, baby, I’m sorry for putting you through 5 minutes of hell. I love you and this if for you, just you and screw that fucking bet that I won, I’m not going to do it… At least not today. Take care everyone and be kind to one another.”

She blew the camera a kiss before putting it back down, still with the live video running and changed the music to an acoustic, female version of James Arthur’s _Say you won’t let go._

“Where were you?”

Norman growled low as she crawled back into bed after being gone for an hour and she was so ready for sleep. He reached out to put a hand on her hip without opening his eyes. She smiled and caressed his face.

“I had to dance.”

“Now?”

“I couldn’t sleep. Go to sleep, baby. I love you.”

“I love you.”

He mumbled, already asleep before he could finish the sentence. She smiled and leaned in to kiss Melodi’s sleeping head gently before turning to her stomach and fell asleep within seconds.

                                            ------------------------------

Norman woke up to the quiet chatter of their daughter. He opened his eyes and found her laying right next to him, chewing on and talking to her feet. Trying not to move too much and disturbed her, he reached for his phone. He managed to film her without her noticing for a whole 10 seconds. Then she lost her balance a little bit and fell sideways straight into his outstretched hand with the phone.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

She spun around to her belly and looked at him with her biggest smile. As he lifted his head a little he saw that Jessie was still sound asleep with her hands under the pillow. After getting her mornings worth of hugs and kisses however, she got more interested in keeping up a conversation with her own feet then with him, so he turned to his back and started going through his social media accounts. Jessie’s latest Instagram post made him stop as he found a picture of himself from way back when they were shooting season 1. They had been down in the quarry and she had taken his picture from behind, while he sat gazing out over the water, the crossbow laying beside him. The black and white picture made him smile but as he read the post he almost laughed out loud but smothered it quickly.

_This is what happens when I can’t sleep…. I never could sleep once I got a song and/or dance stuck in my head. Thanx or maybe sorry, to however I kept awake during my little live video just now. But this, the brilliant and so fucking talented when it comes to lyrics that fits into my life right now, @pink, will have to end this night’s adventure. @bigbladhead, sorry for being a pain in the ass, just remember that I loved you back then too and even more now and there’s nothing but you ♥_

_Tough times they keep coming_ __  
All night laughing and fucking  
Some days like I'm barely breathing  
Then after we were high and the love dope died, it was you 

_The pill I keep taking_ __  
The nightmare I'm waking  
There's nothing, no nothing, nothing but you  
My perfect rock bottom  
My beautiful trauma  
My love, my love, my drug, oh

_These tough times they keep coming_ _  
Last night I might have messed it up again_

It didn’t’ take him long to find the first of many fan accounts that had shared the live video she apparently had done in the middle of the night. Although the volume was low, Melodi snapped her head around at once and started to crawl on top of him. She dug her small fingers into his naked chest and he winced but allowed her to keep going and they watched Jessie’s newest video together.

“What time is it?”

Jessie mumbled, still half a sleep. He glanced at the time on the phone.

“8:10. Good morning.”

She smiled without opening her eyes and felt her way towards him. He took her hand and kissed it.

“Did she wake you up?”

“Yeah… Best wakeup call in the world listening to this little lady.”

“Sure is.”

“Then I noticed why you were gone for an hour in the middle of the night. I kinda like it when I managed to make you feel bad. You get so sentimental whenever it happens. Next time though…”

“Yeah?”

She asked and finally opened her eyes to look at him.

“I’d like to see it for myself.”

“I could show you now. And Mel could get a chance to move around a little too before breakfast and before we leave.”

“Are you sure you gonna come?”

“Are you sure you want me too?”

“Of course not! I don’t want you to come but I know that there’s no use in telling you that because you won’t care either way so today…! You will stay with me for as long as you there. No exceptions!”

“I’m fine with that. I’ll just take Sean’s roll for today.”

“You know, I asked him to handle this part of my life so you wouldn’t have to. _We_ asked him, remember?”

“I know. But I can’t help that I miss you so damn much.”

She said, sniggering as she bent close to him and threw an arm across his throat and buried her head at the side of his neck.

“Nice try, babe. Won’t make me feel better about taking you though.”

She sighed heavily but kissed his neck before pulling away.

“I need to do this, Norman. For my sake.”

“I know. I get it. I think. So are we leaving her with Tim for today then? Because I will not have her there the entire day. Not a chance in the world, J!”

He said firmly as he sensed a protest coming. Once again she sighed and rolled her eyes but nodded.

“Fine… Yeah, I guess I agree with that but maybe she can come for a little bit?”

“Yes, for a little bit.”

“Good. And I hope you weren’t too hard on Cookie yesterday. It wasn’t his fault.”

“He should’ve known better though.”

“Come on, babe. It was a pretty damn smart move, if I’m to say so myself. I was pretty happy with myself.”

“I’m sure you were, you little sneaky bitch… Tying your fucking shoes… Like that’s ever happened before.”

He said, his voice dripping irony. She glared and hit his shoulder but changed it quickly and sniggered at him.

“So, you wanna go? You wanna watch me shake my botty before breakfast?”

“I always want to watch you shake your botty, baby.”

He said and put an arm around her waist and put a firm hand on her ass and squeezed, making her moan softly before they shared a passionate kiss. Melodi interrupted them a lot sooner than either of them wanted though, by actually physically climbing on top of his head, with his phone still in her tinny hand.

                                            ---------------------------------------

“Hey, Jess!”

She stopped and spun around to find Jeffrey sprinting towards her with the biggest grin on his face he had ever seen. Quickly she looked sideways at her husband but he simply grinned back at her and continued towards the waiting car with their daughter. Second later she was being lifted off of her feet as the tall man embraced her in a bearhug. He spun her around twice and she was just about to protest about her ribs being crushed, when he put her back on her feet. He took her face in his hands and planted a hard, quick kiss on her lips. She started laughing in confusion and she prayed away his hands.

“What the hell, Jeff…?”

“Sorry, I just… I gotta…”

He looked around and most have found that the empty, except her family and their security, parking garage was a good enough spot for whatever he was about to tell her.     

“Hilarie’s pregnant.” 

She looked at him for 5 full heartbeats before the words was able to sink into her head and she gave up a shrike that didn’t even sounded like hers and she launched herself at him and hugged him tightly. In the middle of the hug however, she remembered a conversation she had had with Norman a few years back though about them having a miscarriage and that it hadn’t been easy.

“Is she ok?”

She pulled away with a worried frown on her face and Jeffrey smiled and caressed her cheek as they looked at each other.

“It’s going to be ok this time. I just know it. I can feel it. I know it probably sounds like a load of bullshit but I just got this feeling, you know?”

He sounded so sure of his words that he convicted her there and then too and the smiled was back on her face at once.

“Congratulations. I’m so happy for you. For both of you. Well, three of you. Big brother Gus, huh? How far along is she?”

“Just about 6 weeks. I know it’s early and all that-We found out about it last week and I… And I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut and he knew something was up.”

Jeffrey nodded towards the car as he threw his arm around her shoulder and they began to walk towards the car.

“So… February of next year?”

Jessie made the math in her head and got a nod in response from the man. Right before they stopped at the car door, ready to join the rest of their company, she turned around and hugged him once more and kiss his cheek.

“It’ll be alright this time.”

She said and placed her hand to his face for a second. He smiled back at her and nodded.

“Yes, it is.”

                                            ---------------------------------

The first group of enthusiastic fans were already lining up when she showed up with Cookie close at her heel. It was pretty close to wearing chains but she had bit her tongue and chosen not to argue with her overprotecting husband this morning. The second she showed up at the table with her arms full of supply, among them a box of limited edition Ride hats, the crewed fell completely silent. She dumped the boxes on the table and looked up and over at the quiet, 90 % females in front of her.

“Good morning!”

She got a low, mumble in response from just a few but it wasn’t anything less than she had expected. It was still so weird to her that so many fans found her so intimidating.

“How are y’all doing? Did you have a good time yesterday?”

Slowly but surely, they started to loosen up in front of her and she began to unload the boxes with pictures while keeping an eye on the line to see if she could find one friendly soul to start a conversation with. Once she found that person, she knew it would be so much easier to show the rest of them that she actually was a pretty nice person after all. The rescue came from a young woman, probably in her early twenties, who looked straight back at her and returned her smile.

“Your panel was the best I’ve ever heard!”

“Wow, thanks. Yeah, it was a lot of fun, I’m glad you liked it.”

“Was he really mad? Norman?”

“Yes, he really was mad. But it was worth it and he gets so worked up over silly things.”

Beside her, helping her unload the boxes, Cookie cleared his throat loudly and she knew he didn’t agree with her about her bolting was a silly thing. She turned to look at him but he ignored her.

“What…? You’re all so damn worried all the time.”

“Is he here?”

The younger woman beside the first one, asked.

“Yeah. He just had to do his fatherly duty and take care of our daughter. She wasn’t so keen on letting him go this morning.”

“She’s a daddy’s girl?”

A third, older woman spoke and she noticed that more and more people began to loosen their tens faces and actually return her smiles.

“Oh, yeah. She has been from the moment she was born.”

“Have you been here before?”

“Yeah, a few times. I really like Nashville. Riding the bikes up here from Georgia is amazing and we have done that a few times.”

“Is it true you got chased by the police back in Senoia a few years ago?”

She looked back to the first girl who had spoken to her and she wondered yet again how the hell the fans knew things they shouldn’t know. And although she could deny the whole thing and lie, she never had chosen to taken that path and today wasn’t going to be the first.

“How the hell do you guys find out stuff like this? You’re like the damn FBI…!”

“So it’s true?”

“Yeah.”

“What had you done?”

“I was just having a very, very bad period in life at that point. It was close to another anniversary for 9/11 and Norman was in Senoia shooting and I was back in New York and just couldn’t cope being alone anymore. I rode my bike from New York all the way down to Senoia, all in one go, took me like 12 hours and the last couple of miles, like crazy early in the morning I came through town at like 90 mph. It got so out of control and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to make it out alive every time I took a curb too fast with the cops right on my tail.”

“How did you get out of that?”

“A certain officer friendly along with Greg managed to talk the cops out of, I guess, both shooting me and arresting me…. Yeah, I’ve done a lot of stupid shit on a bike but that’s probably the worst thing. How did you find out about that?”

“I’ve family working in the police force down there.”

“Really? Well, tell them thanks from me then for not shooting my ass and for taking so good care of my family while they’re working down there.”

“Who do you usually hang with while on set?”

“Alanna is probably the one I hang with most, because she’s goddamn funny and we usually come up with a lot of weird stuff. I mean, yesterday’s panel was all her idea so I’m blaming it all on her. And Andy of course. Mostly I end up being wherever Andy is cause I just love watching him work.”

The conversations kept going while she walked back and forth and made sure everything was where it was supposed to be. She made sure to try all pens in the huge bag worked, by writing little messages and draw small hearts and smiley faces on the white background with his picture on it. She lined up the Ride hats and made sure she had some change at hand. She introduced herself and talked to the volunteers around the table. Fired up some music. All while keeping up a conversation with the fans in line.

  _How’s it going?_

As 10.30 come and went with a few minutes, Jessie took a breath and leaned over the table and texted her other half. Not even 20 seconds later, he received a picture of Melodi playing on the floor with Tim.

_Fine. Now I just don’t want to leave her_

_Sorry babe. But she’ll be fine with Tim u know_

_I know. I’m heading down in a minute_

_Good, u have a bunch of fans down here who are VERY excited to see u ♥_

_I’m coming. Love u!_

_Love u 2_

If the line had fallen quiet by her arrival it was the complete opposite as he actually within minutes of them texting, showed up. She knew she wasn’t alone in repressing a little moan when she spotted him wearing a tightly fitted Punisher shirt that showed of his impressive biceps but she was the only one he looked at with that special little look in his eye. And he walked straight up to her and pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the side of her head.

“Is she alright?”

“Awesome. She didn’t even care when I said goodbye.”

“See? She’ll be fine.”

“I knew that.”

He turned around to the table and took a look around and gave a low whistle.

“Damn, babe you’ve everything in check.”

“Yes, sir. And I’ve had great company.”

She said and gestured towards the first line of fans. And his face lit up in a huge smile as he greeted the fans and he gave her a final little squeeze around the waist before they separated and set to work. Jessie greeted every fan and made sure they had the right vouchers, retrieved gifts, helped whoever needed it to chose a picture to get signed, tried her best to calm a lot of nerves with assuring and hopefully calming words and was asked to sign a few signatures as well. Before she knew it, it was time for their lunchbreak and she wondered where the time had gone. She thrived in this kind of environment, where everything was just going and going and things changed constantly. There were so much going on and everyone was so excited to be there and the happiness from the fans, along with the new from Jeffrey earlier, was contagious and she was practically bouncing as they were ready to leave for the greenroom.

“You’re my personal little ray of sunshine today, aren’t you?”

He beamed at her, waved at the last lingering fans and put his arm around her waist just as she did the same to him and they followed Cookie.

“It’s a great day.”

“Yes, it is.”

He looked around quickly, noticed that they were surrendered by security, and kissed her quickly at the same time as he put his hand inside her jeans pocket and gave her ass a squeeze. She gasped quietly and nudge him.

“Mr. Reedus, may I ask what you are doing?”

“What? Me? Nothing.”

He said, his voice faking innocence and he winked at her as she rolled her eyes at him. She was fully aware of course what he was doing but she was not going to be the only one getting teased. As they made it to the greenroom and he had to use the restroom, she “accidentally” let her hand swipe his crotch as she let him go.

“Oops…Sorry.”

She winked at him and blew him a kiss as she walked past him and stated to look around for their daughter. When she found her sitting at one of the long tables with Tim and Sean, eating, she collected her own plate of food before joining them.

“Hi!”

Sean quickly moved one chair away from Melodi when he spotted her and she was able to sit down right next to her. The girl started jumping at the sight of her and she reached up her little arms towards her when Jessie bent down to kiss and hug her.

“No, you stay in your seat, sweetheart. I’ll be right here.”

Tim thankfully distracted her with some food and she could turn back to Sean.

“Hi…”

She said, breathing out in a sigh as she leaned in to him and he gave her a one armed hug and she realized how tired she was once she was able to sit down and actually breath.

“Stressful morning?”

“I didn’t think so but I guess, yeah… It’s just so much going on all the time.”

“Which you love.”

“I do. It’s been a really awesome morning but it’s a bit draining I’ve to say.”

“I hear ya.”

“How have you guys been?”

She directed her attention to the man across from her and he gave her a rundown of the morning, which had been without hiccups at all. She had been practiced her crawling some more and had almost mastered it by now. Tim had also taken her for a short walk outside which apparently had been very exciting.

“You wanna take over?”

She looked around to see who Tim was talking to and found Norman walking towards them and he gave a quick nod at the same time as he bent and kissed their daughter. She gave him the same exciting greeting as she had giving Jessie and started jumping around and trying to get him to lift her up. But today he actually told her to stay put and handed her a slice of breed to distract her. Jessie started to chuckle as Melodi resembled her father so freakishly much at that moment.

“What?”

Both Norman and Sean asked at once.

“She’s just like you. Just give her food and she forgets about everything else. Like father, like daughter.”

“Of course she likes food, she’s my daughter!”

Once again, he bent down close to her and snuggled into the crock of her neck and kissed her over and over. And she captured the moment with her phone absolutely perfect.

“Can I please share this?”

He was too ingulfed in Melodi to really pay attention to her and he simply glanced at the picture and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.”

She sent out a quick tweet with the black and white picture.

_The two of you are the most precious fucking thing in my world ♥_

She sat gazing at her phone for minutes, just getting lost in the beauty of the two most important people in her world. A picture could really tell a thousand’s words.

“It’s pretty amazing.”

She heard Sean’s voice close to her ear but it sounded like it was coming from very far away. He leaned in close to her and his nudge with his shoulder to hers, made her return to the present and she asked what he was talking about.

“How much you love him. And how much love there’s in your eyes right now and how much it has changed you both. I’ve almost forgotten about all the fucked-up shit that happened before you were… You. As in two, as one. Does that make sense?”

“No… But yes. Thank you.”

She leaned in close to him and he put his arm around her and hugged her hard and kissed her hair. She couldn’t remember ever being this happy and it was an incredible feeling when finally being able to allow herself to feel it. Norman looked across the table at her and met her smile with one of his own and she could see the same happiness on his face. Even though his face was stained with baby food and Melodi had knocked his hat off.


	29. Epilouge

**Chapter 29 – Epilogue**  

Mingus woke up with the sun shining in his face. But it wasn’t the light that had woken him up. He rolled over with a deep sigh and closed his eyes for just a second more before getting up and walked out of the bedroom and down the hall to his little sister’s room. The soft call of his name got mixed with the sobs and he pushed open the door.

“I’m here, sweetie.”

She lifted her head from the pillow and her sobs eased up a little bit when he kneeled by her head and put his hand on her back.

“What’s wrong, honey? Did you have a bad dream?”

The little girl nodded.

“Well, it’s not really time to get up yet. Do you want to come with me and you can sleep in my bed?”

Another nod and he got to his feet and picked her up.

“Snoppy!”

She cried out at once when he took the first step towards the front door. He stopped at once and the child reached down and picked up the little stuffed cat. She put her little arms around his neck and dropped her head to his neck and buried her face and he knew she closed her eyes. She had fallen back asleep before he reentered the bedroom that had once belonged to his father and Jessie.

He placed the girl in the middle of the bed and laid down next to her and put his arm around her and she moved closer in her sleep, like she always did and he fell back asleep when hearing her reassuring breathing next to him. Truth was, he needed her close by just as much as she needed him, to sleep really well.

_April 20 th 2018 Norman Reedus and wife Jessie killed in motorcycle accident!_

_The circumstances are still not clear but Huston Police confirmed in a public announcement 8:30 pm tonight that this morning, April 20 th, the married couple and parents to 1 years old Melodi, passed away during the early hours of the morning. Shortly after midnight, ambulance and police were called to a traffic accident at Beltway 8, Huston Texas, where a motorcycle carrying two passengers had gotten hit at one of the ramps by a truck. The motorcycle, according to witnesses, hit the concrete barrier and cost both celebrities to fly off of the bike and end up the middle of oncoming traffic. According to the first reports, the 37-year-old, dancer and owner of one of the most successful dance studios in Georgia, Jessie Reedus was pronounced dead at the scene. Her 49-year-old husband and world-wide renowned and loved, actor Norman Reedus, was however believed to still be alive and was rushed to the ER. His life could however not be saved and it was with a very heavy heart that the Chief of Police gave the sad news about Mr. and Mrs. Reedus passing._

He had never been able to explain why he still had all the different press clippings from the accident. Maybe because he needed to be reminded that it actually had happened. That it had been real and not just a fucked-up night mare that he would never wake up from. 2 years to the day to be exact. He should be at the University and study for his upcoming exam but today was not going to work. He had known that the month before. The year before. The weeks leading up and followed April 20th was a living hell to get through.

He turned another page in the folder he had created and came across an article online a few days after the accident and when they thought they had gotten their facts right. He, or anyone else, had never bothered to correct them about “the facts”. He knew his father had never been alive after the truck hit them. They had both died on the spot, the doctor had said so when he talked to him and his mother when they both arrived at Huston Medical Center, 10 hours after getting the call. Broken neck. No pain. It was quick for both of them and he could still remember how he was glad they had been together. He was glad he had convinced her to go with his father when he was flying out to Texas to shoot an episode for Ride with Sean. He had stayed behind in New York with Melodi and they had gotten 3 days together. A short and well needed rest from being parents.

The article of course had to paint a dramatic picture and had said that the couple had been spotted arguing over dinner earlier the very same evening. And maybe they had a fight that lead the bike to crash? Nothing of those “facts” had been true. He knew that and everyone who mattered knew that too. The winter of 2018 had indeed been intense for both of them when the roles had switched a little and she had become the full-time working parent and his father had stayed home with Melodi. And although, more than one article claimed he had felt “abandoned” and “isolated” it couldn’t have been further from the truth. They had never been happier together.

“Mingus!”

He was torn away from the memories when the sharp and determent voice of the 3-year-old called for his attention. He closed the folder on the kitchen counter and turned around to the table. He found Melodi standing next to her chair with her hands at her sides and she narrowed her green eyes at him. And he wanted to laugh and just run up and hug her to death for being so goddamn cute.

“Sorry, hon. What?”

“I’m done breakfast. Can I go play now?”

“No. Go and brush your teeth first. Then you can go play.”

“Ok.”

She sprinted away on light feet and made a perfect coordinated twirl that made Mingus laugh at her but he still called after her.

 “And we walk indoors, Mel!”

He called after her.

“No fun!”

She called back before vanishing through the bathroom door. He went to pick up her dishes and cursed her a little when he noticed that she had left her sandwich on the floor for Kuma to finish. The dog looked up at him with a piece of the bread still sticking out.

“And don’t feed the dog…!”

He said but knew she probably didn’t hear him at all anymore. And he caught himself wondering once again how it had come to this. Shortly following the accident, Andy and his wife had been giving custody over Melodi, all according to the legal documents his dad and Jessie had both sighed years before. He could still remember the panic he had felt that day the court had accepted this and he realized she would be moving across the world and he had started to make plans to move to England as well. It had taken Andy several hours to find him after he had taken off in the middle of the court hearing without knowing where the hell he was supposed to go.

_He probably shouldn’t be driving. The tears that never really hadn’t stopped streaming down his face the past week, clouded his vision. But he had to find Mingus. He had been searching every place he could think of for the past 4 hours but finally there were only the house left. No one had been back here since they passed away 8 days earlier. And his heart started to beat in panic in his chest and his breathing picked up as he drove through the gate and parked next to Mingus’s car. He forced himself to keep breathing as he turned off the car. But he couldn’t move. It was like his hands were glued to the steering wheel and he couldn’t lift his feet. He saw and didn’t at the same time, how Mingus paced back and forth by the front door, probably feeling the same kind of panic he did. Several long minutes later and when he actually saw the young adult stop and vomit over the railing, his libs began to work again. When Mingus seconds later vanished from his view, he moved quickly and rushed up the steps. He found his best friends son collapsed on the ground, shaking and crying hysterical._

_“Mingus…”_

_He fell to his knees and put his hands on his shoulder but he shrugged away from the touch and Andy backed away at once. He leaned up against the railing and they sat crying together for so long he lost track of time. At some point, Mingus pulled himself up from the floor and crawled to the opposite wall and sat down._

_“I’m not losing her too.”_

_His voice was so low, Andy thought he had imagined it at first. Then he looked up and found Mingus looking straight back at him and he realized he actually had spoken to him. He forced himself to calm down and answer the desperate plea. Clearing his throat, he straightened up a little and shook his head._

_“You never will, Mingus. We’ll stay here. I could never do that, Mingus. We would never take her away from you. This is her home, you’re her brother… This is all so fucked up. I mean, I know she asked me if we’d be willing to take care of Melodi if anything happened but I never though… Fuck, I never thought it’d happen and… They’re not-They’re not even… The funeral-it hasn’t… I can’t…”_

_Words failed him, like so many times before when he started thinking about actually having to say a final farewell to part of his closest family._

_“What do you mean?”_

_Mingus helped him get back on track by asking a most obvious question._

_“We’re staying here, Mingus. We’re not going back to the U.K. We will all stay here to take care of Melodi and I’m going to need your help. I’m not sure Jessie or… Or your dad ever talked to you about this…?”_

_“No.”_

_“This is not something you should take responsible for, Mingus. And I don’t say that because I don’t think you could handle it, because I know you could. But you shouldn’t have to. And they both said so too when they talked to Gale and me. You’re still too young… She’s your sister and… You still have so much to do with your life, Mingus. Go to college, try to-“_

_“Live? Go on with my life…? There’s no life left, Andy. There’s just her, she’s all I care about. Not so fucking college education. I just…”_

_“It will feel better.”_

_“When?”_

_He asked, starting to crying all over again and the despair on his face was the same he felt but he still moved across the ground and tried once more to put a comforting hand on the blond. This time Mingus accepted it and they shared a long embrace while crying._

_“You and Mel can both come and stay with us from now on. I know she’s been with Tim back in town but you can all come and stay with us. We’re not going anywhere, Mingus. We won’t take her away from you. She needs you. I need you.”_

Andy and Gale still had official custody over Melodi but ever since he moved into his dad’s Georgia house 8 months ago, he had taken more and more responsibility and for the past 6 months, he had started to care for her fulltime. He was never alone though. His father and Jessie’s closest friends kept in touch and just the other week, Sean and his family had come to stay for a few days.

Although everything had changed for everyone, they had all been able to find some kind of normal life. He still had bad days where nothing seemed to matter and he just wanted to quit and give up. And he knew he wasn’t the only one. Andy had had a mayor break down 3 months after losing them that resulted in 6 weeks in hospital and psychiatric treatment. _Walking Dead_ had been cancelled as most of the actors couldn’t coop going through working at all. Jeffrey was still not doing any kind of acting at all.  

He woke up from his memories by the front door opening and he knew who it was without having to look up from his cleaning of the kitchen. When he heard the quiet sobs, he still turned around and faced Andy.

The older man stopped at the sight of him and Mingus knew it would be another rough day just by looking at him. And half a second later the grey-haired man started crying and walked straight up to him and hugged him tight. And like all them other times, Mingus hugged him back and tried to comfort his dad’s best friend.

“I miss them so much.”

“I do too.”

“Where’s she?”

He turned around and stared to look around for the light of their life. She had been a life safer for both of them and Mingus knew Andy would spend the rest of the day and maybe even night with the two of them.

“She’s supposed to be brushing her teeth but something else probably distracted her as usual.”

Before he had finished explaining where the girl was, Andy started to move towards the bathroom and the noise coming from the little girl. She had probably found some of her toys in the bathtub from the night before and forgotten all about brushing her teeth.

Andys arrival did however give him some time to himself and he returned to the bedroom, closing the door behind him and collected his Mac. Kuma followed him and joined him close by in the bed and he petted her head as the laptop fired up.

Their last family picture together on his screensaver made him smile every time he opened the laptop. It had taken more than a year to get to this point but now he could finally see a brighter future again. And it was all because of the smiling girl, tightly squeezed in between her parents as the four of them had spent an absolute amazing week in Costa Rica to celebrate all of their birthdays.

Melodi was the reason he kept going and why he got up every morning although some morning he just wanted to stay in bed and just forget about everything and everyone. She had bad days too, especially following Andy’s breakdown. She had bounced back and forth between so many different people for the simple reason that Gale couldn’t handle both kids alone and trying to care for her husband _and_ looking after an orphan. Sean and his family had taken her for a while, his aunt and grandmother and Jeffrey too when he had also not been in his right mind to care for her little sister.

After almost 2 months of this and as Christmas was approaching, Mingus finally put his foot down and found his “inner-Jessie-spirit” as his mother had called it and decided to leave New York and move to Senoia Georgia and make sure his little sister got the stable and loving family she needed.

He opened up a folder on his iCloud that he had named _happiness_ and was faced with a red-carpet picture from the World Premiere of _The Greatest Showman._ Jessie had been absolutely ecstatic about the movie even before seeing it and she hadn’t stopped talking about it for weeks. He chuckled when remembering how annoyed he had gotten after 2 weeks of her telling him to go and see it and how happy she had been when he had given in and gone with her to see it.  

He had created this folder with the attention of being reminded of the good times and the good times only. He had so many happy memories from the 2,5 years they had together. Almost all the memories he had of Jessie from the first time he met her, was of course happy but when it came to the two of them together, his dad and Jessie, it had gotten a lot more complicated than it had to be, too many times.

_I miss you Bubba… Every day, every second and in everything I do. Everyday something happens that I want to share with you and I want to pick up the phone and just call or text but then I remember… 2 years ago the world lost one of its brightest stars and not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and wonder: what if? The only thing comforting is knowing that you’re together. Wherever you are, Jessie is with you and it comforts me to know you never had to live without one another. The love you shared for each other was an inspiration to everyone around you and it lives on in your kids. They have so much love and joy in them despite the greatest lose imaginable. You raised them good. Both of you are forever a part of me and my family and there’s so much I wish I could tell you but whenever the time comes, I know you’ll be waiting for me. I love you Norm and s a part of me went missing the moment you left and things will never be the same ever again. But I know I have to go on, for you and for Jessie. So that’s what I’m doing. Living my life to the fullest and spoiling my family and friends with love and more love because you never know when your time’s up. I love you both and I miss you so fucking much it hurts… XO / Jeff_

He stumbled over Jeffrey’s Instagram post from earlier the same morning, with a picture of the two of them with their arms around each other on one of their many bike rides. He spotted Jessie’s bike in the background as well so he assumed she had been the one taking the picture.

“Knock, knock.”

Andy opened the door before he gave an answer and he looked up and found the man walk through it with Melodi on his back. He didn’t bother to dry the silent tears that fell down his face, there were no reason with Andy. And Melodi always knew somehow too and quickly crawled into his lap and hugged him when Andy let her down on the bed. The girl settled with her cheek pressed to his chest and turned towards the computer screen as Andy joined them as well.

“Mommy looks like a princess.”

He gave a small chuckle through the tears and kissed the girl’s head hard as another red-carpet picture showed up, this time from the Golden Globs back in 2018 and their first really official and big appearance on the red-carpet. And he had to agree with his sister. Jessie rarely dressed in anything else but jeans and t-shirt or something even more comfy so that she was always ready to dance and move. To see her all dressed up in a gorgeous black long gown was there for such a contrast to the usual.

“They were really happy. It’s the day after you and your dad’s birthday.”

Andy said and tried to catch her eye, but Melodi kept looking at the screen and her parents. All of them, Andy, Jeffrey, Sean, his mother, Gale, Alanna, Greg, Austin, everyone had made a promise to make sure the little girl always would remember her parents with joy. It was a mission that this far, was going very well and Mingus felt extremely proud over the fact that Melodi almost always had a smile on her face when she saw a picture or video of her mom and dad.    

_He kept telling himself and his mother that it wasn’t true. It had to a mistake. It was someone else, not his own dad and Jessie. He felt like he was a passenger in his own body as he walked with his mother through the doors to the Houston hospital and someone dressed in scrubs approached at once. His mother took control and grabbed him by the elbow and he followed without knowing what the hell the nurse had said._

_Sean was there as they were let into a small square room with tables and chairs. He looked around and shuddered by the sterile room. His mother sat him down in one of the chairs and he watched as she walked over to Sean and tried to talk to him. The Texan didn’t seem to be listening though and just kept pacing._

_He didn’t know how long they spent in the room, maybe just minutes or an hour. Finally, a stranger with a doctor’s badge attached to his chest entered the room with a female co-worker and they gathered them all around the table._

_“I’ve been told you came in from New York just now, miss Christensen? With your son?”_

_He heard the conversation but he couldn’t really take it in as usual._

_“Yes. I got a call from the ER about Norman and Jessie. I’m still on his… emergency contacts.”_

_“Yes that’s why we contacted you. And I understand you gave them Mr. Flanery's number?”_

_“I did. He lives…He lives here so…”_

_“Well, I don’t know how much you were told before getting on the plane?”_

_“Just that it had been a serious accident and…with fatality…”_

_“Yes. I’m really sorry but neither of them made it inside the doors alive. I believe it was very quick for both of them and there was nothing we could do. Mr. Reedus was still alive as they loaded him into the ambulance but it didn’t take more than a minute until he crashed. They tried to revive him but we could not save him. His wife passed away right away and I know there’s nothing I can say to make this better or easier to process right now but they didn’t suffer at all. There was no pain for either of them.”_

_Sean let out a sound if absolute devastation, like a wounded animal and he jumped by the sudden sound. He couldn’t process this at all. He was still convinced it was a nightmare._

_“We have… Put them together in one if our rooms where you will be able to say goodbye. They have a daughter?”_

_“She’s with…Tim back at Sean's.”_

_Mingus found himself answer the question as his little siste’rs name came up._

_“How old is she?”_

_“15 months.”_

_“I need to see them.”_

_It was the first words he was aware of saying and he even got to his feet.  The female stranger rose with him and his mother followed too as he turned and rushed out the door at once. They tried to talk to him but he just followed the nurse as she showed the way._

_He stopped inside the door and he felt like he sank through the floor and all the way to the middle of the earth’s crest. They lay side by side, as close as the stretchers allowed and they looked really peaceful with white covers. Jessie was placed closest to him and he could see bruises and a few cuts on her face but still her face was peaceful somehow. He heard his mother’s screams but he couldn’t deal with anything but his own pain right now. It had never cost him so much energy to lift his feet before but he managed to walk up to her side. He hesitated for the space of a heartbeat before touching her face with his trembling knuckles. She was still warm but there was something missing. She was gone from the world and he would never again be able to hear her heart beat. She was completely still and her chest wasn’t moving to take a breath or keeping her heart beating anymore. He wanted to force her eyes open again just so that he would be able to see her green once looking back at him again and smile. But as he called out her name and started to shake her, nothing happened.  She remained limb and lifeless._

He could still get nightmares about seeing them after the accident. Seeing them dead had been the worst moments of his entire life but also something that had to be done for him to actually believe it. He had collapsed by his father’s bedside and not been able to leave for hours.

“We’re going back to England.”

Mingus looked up from his untouched plate of food when Andy suddenly spoke from across the table. Gales Mac n cheese would usually have him finish the plate in seconds but today he had no appetite. Melodi ate next to him however, although a lot more quiet than usual.

“When?”

“Middle of May.”  

“Are you selling the house-“

“We're not moving back, Mingus. We're just visiting for a few weeks. This is out home now, I could never…We could never leave. We need to be here for you.”

“I’m ok, Andy.”

“I know you are. But you as in the both of you. I promised them I'd take care of Mel.”

“But your family-“

“Is right here.”

Gale came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder before sitting down next to him. He looked sideways at her and then to the two kids sitting on either side of their dad. He opened his mouth and tried to find something to say but the doorbell rang and not even a second later a pair of small feet could be heard sprinting through the door. And Melodi moved down on the floor at once and greeted her best friend George. Gus followed shortly after, always making sure his little sister was being safe. A year separated the two girls but they were almost the same size as Melodi was still on the small side while, George with her tall parents was tall for her age. Mingus got to his feet and was about to go greet the guests but stopped in his tracks as Jeffrey and Hilarie wasn’t the only once in the entrance. Marlow came charging through the hallway towards the rest of the kids with Alanna trying to keep up while carrying her 2-month-old son on her arm. She had named him after his father and he gaped at the woman as she hurried towards him with one arm outstretched. Slightly overwhelmed by the amount of people moving inside his house, he still somehow managed to hug the woman back.  

Sean and his boys filled in as well and he saw Maya and Austin come through the door hand in hand as he released Alanna.

“I hope it’s ok.”

Andy leaned in to him and said quietly. Mingus simply nodded and swallowed back the tears that threatened to leave by the sight of all of them. And when his mother pushed herself past Jeffrey, he took 2 quick steps towards her and they embraced each other tightly. The tears came out of nowhere and he buried his face in her shoulder and wished that it was as simple as when he was a kid and was crying because he scraped his knee. This physical pain that never went away was so much harder to deal with. Time would never heal his wounds but time had made it possible for him to live with it. He had made room for the pain.

                                            -----------------------------

“I know it’s just a month since we saw her but she has grown so much, man.”

Mingus followed Austin's gaze towards the living room where they watched Melodi playing and laughing with the kids of her parent’s closest friends and family, all 7 of them. He sighed with a big smile as the little girl suddenly looked up and gave him a radiant smile. He waved at her and she blew him a kiss. And besides Austin, Maya burst out crying.

“She’s such a lucky kid to have you, Mingus.”

“I do my best.”

“You’re doing an incredible job, dude. Your dad would be really proud of you.”

“I know. Thanks, Jeff.”

He looked across the table at the older man and Jeffrey reached over for a second and put his palm on the side of his face and smiled. Within minutes of the company showing up, Gale had organized a long table for all of them to sit and somehow produced a whole buffet of food at the kitchen island. He looked sideways and found them all eating and talking and laughing. He heard his father’s and Jessie’s name being mentioned over and over in different conversations and it filled him with so much joy to hear them all finally being able to talk about them with happiness again. Hearing the kids in the background really helped too. The house was full of life and laughter. He knew they would all have bad days just like he and Melodi did but for most part all of them had found some kind of peace and was simply happy with the time they had got to spend with Norman and Jessie.

The saying goes that something good always comes out of all the bad and so it had this time too. Maya and Austin had somehow found each other in all the chaos and were still running the dance and art studio. The birth of Norman junior, although everyone called him Normski, had helped Alanna move on a little better. So had little George did for Jeffrey. Tim had moved back to the west coast after 6 months following their passing. He was now retired and spent all his time on his children and grandchildren. Still he made sure to come visit him and Melodi at least every other month and he would forever be a part if their family. Because this tragedy had given him a much larger family. They had all, in different times and in different ways, stepped up to show him and Melodi that they should be there for them no matter what.

His dad would have been happy if he could see this. All of the people that mattered most to him and Jessie, gathered together to eat and laugh and talk. And he got up from his seat and quietly walked outside the porch and continued to the end of the backyard where they had made planted 2 trees and put up a gravestone. They were not buried there but their ashes had been spread over the garden and although he hadn’t been allowed to do it, Mingus also spread some of Jessie’s remains at the World Trade Centre one night in July. It probably would’ve cost him a hefty fine and maybe even some jail time if the right cops hadn’t caught him and they had recognized him and hadn’t even bothered the hear his explanation. They had simply payed their respects and allowed him to walk away from there.

There were a lot of new flowers and letters at the stone and he figured he hadn’t been the first one to sneak away from the dinner to get some alone time.

_Don’t go where I can’t follow – Sam_

_I’m glad to be with you, here at the end of all things – Frodo_

He traced the letters on the black stone with his hand and read the two quotes he and Maya had decided on together.  He took the blanket he had brought and placed it on the soft ground and sat down and just took a breath. It was a beautiful day that was slowly turning to evening and the sun was slowly setting behind the tree line. He sat there talking softly and slowly, like he wanted to make sure he really took his time. He told them about the day before when Melodi had been at school with him and she had told him all about her plans of becoming a professional dancer and a doctor. And then maybe she could do a little bit of acting on the side.  
"She's going to be a force to be reckoned with, must like her mom."  
He turned to look at Maya when she sat down beside him.  
"Tell me about it. I'm already dreading her teenage years."  
"You know you don't have to do this all alone, right?"  
"I know."  
"She is going to be the most looked after kid in the world with all the uncles and aunts she has."  
"Yeah it's going to drive her crazy."  
"Of course it is."  
Maya sniggered and leaned in close to his side and they sat quiet for a while, both of them gazing at the stone.  
"She's getting another cousin."  
Maya spoke almost in a whisper and he wondered if he had misheard her. As he pulled away a little however, she looked back at him with a small smile at the corner of her mouth.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. We found out about it just the other week."  
He felt himself crack in a huge smile and he put his arm around her and hug her tightly to his side.  
"Congratulations!"  
"Thanks... It's just weird to think that this probably wouldn't have happened, if this hadn't happened."  
She gestured towards her best friend’s memorial and Mingus knew exactly what she meant. A lot of things would never have happened if they hadn't been on that bike on that highway that day. But he had learned that lingering over all the "what ifs" just drove him insane. Faith had wanted something different.  
"You might have gotten pregnant anyway, Maya."  
"Not with Austin."  
"Well, no probably not... When?"  
"Beginning of December."  
"I'm really happy for you guys."  
"Thank you, Mingus. I'm naming the baby Jessie no matter the sex. It works for both a girl and a boy."  
"Yes, it does."  
"I miss her so much... When I found out about it I just wanted to call her, ask her advice and just... Just talk, you know?"  
"Yeah..."  
"I made this for Mel."  
She handed over a thick scrapbook with Jessie's face on the cover and the words _your family_ in red ink on the cover.  
"Wow, what's this?"  
"It took me like year to this together because I broke down for every fucking page I made but now it's finally done. I had to do a lot of digging to find her baby pictures and old family photos. I was thinking when Melodi is ready and you're ready, show it to her and tell her about her family. I know you do already but tell her about Jacob too and Jenny and her grandparents and... Just tell her about all of it."  
"I will."  
He heard the crowd before he saw them appear all around them. They came with lit candles and put them around the stone before taking a seat. There was no need to talk, they just gathered around closely, hugging and holding hands and Melodi came crawling into his lap and snuggled close.  
"Did I ever tell you guys about the first time I meet Jessie?"  
Andy was that first one to break the silence. Mingus leaned back with one hand behind his back and wrapped the other tighter around his little sister and he realized he hadn't actually heard that story before.  
"Does it involve nudity?"  
Sean was the one with the question that cost a lot of them to start sniggering.  
"It does. It was like a month after I met Norman for the first time and I went to see him at the apartment he was renting and she answered the door. Without as much as a thread on her, told me not to bother them and slammed the door in my faces."  
"She was always very good at that. Slamming doors. I meet her like that for the first time too. Didn't knew it was her of course but she came storming through the door and slammed it shut when I was coming by to drop something of for Mingus. He brushed it of the first time, saying it was just a friend of a friend or something."  
"She was always so emotional, wasn't she? Although she always tried to hide her feelings. Especially for him for so long and I know I'm not the only one she drove absolutely insane by not admitting she always loved him. From like day one. She texted me the day after they met for the first time and told me all about it. She never did that, that's how I knew it was something different that time.”

“She passed on her bad habit of never tying her shoes to me. Really was handy when being pregnant though.”

Alanna said and laughed.  

“I took a ride on dad’s Tiger the other night and I ended up where Daryl died. There’s still fans leaving nots and flowers and lightning candles. You know, for him and Jessie, not… Not because of the show.”

“I saw some pictures from Ground Zero this morning. It’s the same there. She’s remembered and missed too.”

Jeffrey spoke and he looked around at him and nodded towards him.

“Yeah, she is…”

“I miss mommy.”

“I do too, sweetheart.”

“We all do, Melodi.”

“I miss daddy. But they’re together. Aren’t they, Mingus? You said so.”

It was like everyone stopped breathing and moving the moment Melodi started talking. And he smiled down at the girl, who had tears in her eyes when she looked up at him. He nodded back at her and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Yes, baby. They’re together, your mom and dad are together, they could never be apart for too long and there’s not a human or God on this planet that could separate the two of them. They have each other.”

“Just like you and me. And George and Marlow and uncle Andy and Jeff and Maya and Al and Tim and Austin and Greg and Gale and Sean, Charlie and Porter and Tilly and Arthur and your mom and gran and aunt Leslie and Gus and Kuma and Eye. Like we’re all here together, we’ve each other. Just like mom and dad.”

He struggled with not starting to balling right there and pursed his lips tightly together and couldn’t do anything more than to nod at the incredible child in his arms.

“Yes.”

“Do you think they remember me?”

“I know they do, sweetheart. I know you were the last thing on their mind before they died. They loved you more than anything, Melodi.”

The girl smiled back up at him before settling back into his arms and kept gazing at the burning candles and the black stone with her parent’s name with an infinity symbol drawn right through the two names, connecting them.

_Jessie hugged Norman’s waist a little tighter as they came to the end of the ramp onto the highway and she felt him struggle a little to keep the bike straight on the slippery road. It was late and she couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel to get some much-needed sleep. But before that, she knew they would make love. Probably more than once. She smiled to herself at the thought and she caressed his abdomen and could hear him moan quietly through the headsets in the helmets._

_“I love you.”_

_She said._

_“Love you more, baby.”_

_He replayed and put his hand on top of hers and squeezed at the same time as she felt the world turn up side down and she stared into a set of headlights that shouldn’t supposed to be there. The ground was hard under her back and she tried to move her arm to find Norman but she couldn’t and she gasped as the shock of what had happened filled her up for half a heartbeat. Then she saw Melodi, right there in front of her in Mingus’s arms and they both smiled at her and she smiled right back and whispered a soft ‘I love you’ before closing her eyes and greeted Jacob with open arms as he came running at her on light feet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap. Kind of felt like i would never get rid of these two if i didn't do this ;) need to find something new to write about now. thanks for reading <3


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